graphs of my Universe
Get rest, Beloved.
You've raced with a packed schedule
That's tamed by weekends.
the drink is “Teh Botol Sosro” the most legendary bottled tea in Indonesia 😘
mini tumpeng for today’s birthday dinner (most components by me) – need to rest my hands after cooking; this weekend is gonna be biking to east coast
Good morning, dear self.
Fly my love across the sea
Where heaven's sitting.
RC Gorman’s work of art – i feel strongly Gorman knew exactly how it feels to be a not-married woman: dressing herself nicely, wearing herself comfortably, greeting environment sweetly, loving her own self dearly like loving her beloved
The lights, Beloved
Bring what dark has long hidden,
Disclose where to walk.
the structure in the picture is called The “Monument to Man” located on the hill above Chisholme House standing as an invitation to all of humanity to return to the origin of all love and to express it in the world
it is a tombstone of Bulent Rauf, a sufi master who founded the Beshara School where life is discussed and experienced through discourses and daily experience
i never thought that my inner journey would achieve its major disclosure in that remote place, far away from my home, poles apart from my culture
one friend sent this picture to the whatsapp group: the aurora borealis light on the “Monument to Man” — this brings my memory back to my stay there, a serene at the same time busy days
for 10 days i did a full day of work among the scheduled English morning & afternoon tea, breakfast, lunch and dinner — i celebrated my birthday silently, i kept it secret, and i felt so close to my own self, until now i believe all of us felt the same with what i felt and i wanted everyone to celebrate their serene days without distraction
since then i’ve committed to keep myself true to myself so i can be true to all; but what i do is just a little of it as i am not a saint, i am not either pious or religious, i am a sinner, i am a walking dirt but i want to keep my tiny spark shine within me and so it goes…. a human being in the making
💕
thank you
If I'm asked to plan,
I'll plan colourful events
Where bravery rules.
plunge into ocean of possibilities – be brave, Beloved; you’ve failed and fallen, another plunge won’t kill
execute the plan to once again plunge into it and then…. done
💕
It is now raining,
Water combs dust down the roof.
She's trapped in the cold.
rain, i have no chance to warm up in the roof garden so i just sit in a sofa wrapped in my warm knit poncho
rain, i love it but at the same time have to struggle with the cold in the air conditioned building
rain, stay as you wish
Guide me, Beloved
Traveling in this dark maze.
Keep my trust intact.
our work group is moved from building 1 to building 3 before later finally to building 2
how much ever we love building 1 (we all don’t like working in high floor), we must move as building 1 will only be used for new process bloody heaven knows what
what makes me rather ok with building 3 6th floor is that it has a “garden” that is very helpful for me who don’t enjoy low temperature for too long — today i stayed in the garden for 30′ to warm my body
it has some natural plant, but plastic grass 🙃
today was my 1st day in building 3 6th floor — i was lost going to toilet then guided by janitor, lost to pantry guided by unknown colleague, lost to find the lift guided by another unknown colleague
thank you!
When this wine is aged,
Will it be smooth and pleasant?
Or acidic and weak?
If you ask me what I love the most about this body, without doubt I will say hair and eyes. I am given naturally pitch-black straight hair and deep sharp eyes. And now both really give me patience test.
My hair needs to be treated with more vitamin and tonic to stay strong and dyed (once in 4 months in certain part, not all) when insecurity comes for discoloured hair at the front left and right side of the head. My eyes demand glasses more often than before especially when reading.
Hell! In fact I can’t deny that there is a shade of insecurity of getting old. I understand aging is inevitable but when it changes some features loved the most, I am obviously offended….
My best friend and I often talk about aging and both of us accept and make fun of it. She is not interested in indulging her body, while I am once in a while so I will be the one telling her to keep the body relaxed and fit, while she reminds me to visit my physician and take the meds regularly. No, I never think beauty is the goal of physical treatment, it is always the health and comfort, while beauty sometimes comes as either a bonus or a consequence. And yes, I am against alteration of part of body for beauty; yet I respect those doing it.
Today I posted a photo in instagram and captioned it with two sentences about my fringe and insecurity, my best friend commented “camouflage is a key!” 😂
Hitting the core yet it is true! I will extend the coverage of fringe and probably have my hair coloured (maybe dark brown instead of black to remind me it is not natural) more frequently because I look tired with grey hair, while I want to look fresh both alone or with people. Someday though I will accept the grey hair sitting on my crown, maybe 10 years from now 😛
Getting ooooold. Congratulations! Wait until the time hits the age soon, Aging Wine! 😎
Rike, your grey hair (said they)…. i just smiled but then secretly extended the fringe 😎
my hair really tested me today: messy of wind and refused to be back to normal, stubbornly showing the world that they were against me!
What's best, Beloved?
The one assigned to you now.
It's one and for all.
she is not the best mother compared to others, might not even better, but i think she is the best assigned to me
it’s great to talk to my mother now and then; please live healthy and longer, Ibu 😘
Beloved,
It is about whether or not
The path is walked.
Not about prediction,
Not about opinion,
Not about hurting or getting hurt,
Not about giving up,
Not about result.
This journey is
Mine.
The destination is
You.
The end is
Heaven knows.
Today’s dinner
please don’t judge hungry stomach — today was another reading, cooking and eating plus a bit of napping, laundry was missed and will be done tomorrow night after office 😎
this plate is a work of 3-hour labor of an amateur: potato perkedel (potato hash mixed with minced beef), fried rice with corn in Balinese sambal matah & teri kacang (my 1st attempt soooo challenging, too sweet, almost giving up, next time better with different recipe) – yay❣️
i made chicken soup for my own soul and my friend sent me sourdough from her bakery — alhamdulillah….
RAMBUTAN!!! 😍 exotic tropical fruit
It's confusing.
Tell me how
I should love
You.
Is it to shine
As a sun does?
Is it to glow
As a star does?
Is it to reflect
As a moon does?
Is it to pass by
As a comet does?
I'm none of those.
I am now loving
You as the space does,
It is to contain
Your existence,
Embracing what's all
In and about
You.
Tell me how
I should love
You.
RC Gorman’s work of art
My life
Is a drop of dew
That glistens and freshens
The life of a sleepy leaf,
Woken up in a beautiful morning
To greet the sun.
I fall to the tip of a grass leaf
And break
Becoming
Spurt of water, so tiny
Enough to shower less than an inch of dry land
Then come through the soil gently
Finding a way to the earth veins,
Traveling back to the sea.
thank you, life for always making me nod to the simplicity of accepting what is
Sweat is
Either from hard work
Or from
Nerve.
Feel its particular heat and movement on the skin
To find which.
old that i love the most — i can’t count how many times i tripped and fell with her, just catching or sometimes racing with the wind; i wanted to give it away to my nephew but never happens as i so much love this powerful Blue
my frequent commute buddy when i am not on taxi or bus
colleagues who commute by bikes will shower (again) in the office before starting working because of sweating but i won’t
i let my sweat dry by the AC 😁
biking is in my blood, from elementary until senior high schools and sometimes in uni i did move around by bike — i only totally stopped riding bike when i was working in Jakarta where cars are more preferred even if the traffic is heavy
my friend was in biz trip in London and brought one home for me with much cheaper price compared to Singapore’s — new, lighter and brighter and fancier than Blue but sometimes too shiny for me to move around so she doesn’t get frequent outting; i’ll bring you out more, Red and maybe someday i will give you away to my nephew so you will be ridden more for functional fun
thank you, life for opening my eyes every now and then with or without sweating
A book, Beloved
Soaks a soul in clean water.
Washed off and refreshed--
I read a book by Haemin Sunim, Love for Imperfect Things. It is second book from him I’ve read, the first was When Things Don’t Go Your Way. While the latter felt like diving into my own understanding of life– a set of confirmation of what I’ve done and/or understood in life; the currently read is like a playful garden to me, giving me more space to reinterpret my life based on Haemin Sunim’s point of view.
I’ve stopped reading “heavy books”, those that make me more intelligent with bunches of upgraded sciences and knowledge, more critical towards others’ (different from me), more analytical around my folks (outside work), more rigid in forgiving those “making mistakes”. I am now trying to dull the knife in my mind, I’d love to have curvy corners that will just give slight sensation without wound when bumping or bumped by my fellow human beings.
💕
Yes, I am now a weak book reader, but I am an avid reader of my own heart and life.
This book reminds me that I should be bonding myself to an anchor called compassion in life so whatever happens to or around me, it is always love and kindness that become my basis of judgement and decision.
thank you, Haemin Sunim — how grateful i am to have read this book
Most books I am now attracted to are fiction, short books, those illustrated, colourful, with picture collection. I read some biography but only of my favourite people (now reading Alan Rickman’s).
Not a fan of “self help” books either as I don’t need to be helped, just need to sit together with a company to listen and to be listened to.
every chapter is as powerful as decades of dripping water that forms a smooth hole on a rock 💕
thanks to my favourite person for recommending this book; i wish to see you soon 💕
Continuing reading Haemin Sunim’s next book–
Good view, Beloved
Gives her bright vibe and clear hope.
Saturday fever--
the view in female outdoor pool shower — Saturday can’t be more fun and brighter with heliconia
If I'm to follow,
It's only to follow you.
Do you mind me to?
the sun, sunflower and a weekend
My life is poetry
I recite in solitude.
As short as Basho's haiku,
As long as Bhagavad Gita--
No ears are to hear,
No critic is to review,
As private as a fetus in the womb, dearly loved--
As hidden as an unexplored cave, well protected--
There will be time when it travels out
To a place called a meadow of flowers
Where words become meaningless,
Senses truthfully shout.
That day I'll recite my life
To that whom I truly endear.
That day I'll sing my song
About the love I truly adhere.
a humble life is a tiny drop of water pushing out ripples on a placid pond– hidden and loved
Looking for one face behind the cloud,
I meet a smiling sky whispering
"Land and meet one while your feet are on the ground."
Dear sky,
How paradoxical this dream is!
I've dreamt of a perfect angel
Only to find that the perfect is a real sample of imperfection.
How paradoxical this fear is!
I've been afraid of imperfect ghost
Only to see that the imperfect is a real specimen of perfection.
How paradoxical that both perfection and imperfection reside in the same home!
Step by step
I crawl down from the bed
And go to the garden
Where I guess singing birds are hopping from one swaying twig to another,
Butterflies are flying around bright coloured flowers.
What I find is silent dews gliding on sleepy leaves,
Dragonflies perching on tips of coarse leaves.
They're though real and I befriend with a verse of beauty.
Dear sky,
Always bring me naked truth with which I can be real.
Thank you.
it’s not where i want to find you; if you’re there, i will immediately leave you because it mustn’t be the real you
💕
Do you walk or do you fly?
You're gone with memories,
Forgotten through yourself.
Do you melt or do you evaporate?
You disappear from busy days,
Buried by yourself.
Do you love or do you mock?
You hide behind the light,
Escaped into yourself.
Do you know or do you not?
You become yesterday, today then tomorrow,
Celebrated as yourself,
Dear time.
picture from Pinterest
Silently I pass by,
You gracefully nod to me
Like my mom waving hand at me.
Lotus,
You're there observing me
And others living so busy.
You're mute witnessing
How hectic human's life can be,
No second can be wasted
To earn
Yet every breath is missed
To learn.
lotus in the hotel court yard
in silence witnessing life
Your style's, Beloved
Yours that cajoles her to move
Current point of view.
i’m not a fan of French style but this hotel makes me feel home in Hanoi so i accept the style as it is and make it my preferred hotel
Roses,
You are bright
As bright as her eyes
When finding the way
And she's relieved.
Roses,
You are shiny
As shiny as her hair
When reflecting the sunray
And she's radiant.
Roses,
You are prickly
As prickly as her mood
When getting hurt
And she's fiery.
Roses,
You are wild
As wild as her rage
When becoming uncontroled
And she's sorry.
Roses,
You are quiet
As quiet as her composure
When realising the truth
And she's calm.
Roses,
You are muted
As muted as her body
When taking a rest
And she's refreshed.
Roses,
You can be everything
As complete as her existence
When getting enlightened
And she's humbled.
everytime in-room dining is served, a stem of rose in a vase will accompany the food
once done, the tray will be taken back and i ask for permission to put the rose in the vase in the room
and at the end of my stay there will be roses as many as how many times i choose to dine in the room than to go out (recently being evening lazed mode on)
And so does it, Love
Doors closed are blessings to those
Needing to move on.
duck never fails me….
….and so does mango salad
oh so fresh and refreshing, gone in less than 30 minutes; let’s move on…
Tongue tied, Beloved
Seeing you're celebrating.
Wishing you from here!
a north star is where you find an answer
She's calmed, Beloved,
By evening breeze and shade.
Simple as breathing--
i’m back to my preferred hotel, not the hotel on the lake; this is Hoan Kiem lake where i love to just sit on a bench by the lake for a while before going back to hotel for dinner or having coffee or dessert
should i or should i not?
Lucky, Beloved-
A path cleared to be walked on
With warm heart and smile.
i received a bunch of luck today: in the same flight with a colleague (sorry, i didn’t check iCal, buddy), given a room whose number is ended with 88 which is lucky number in Vietnamese culture, finding this song again after some time
hopefully i am lucky enough with all my preps to complete the work well
luck is simply small things to be humbly acknowledged
hello, Hanoi; you’ve been kind to me, i’ll be kinder to you
I wish I know
You better
So there won't be useless tears falling to long for
You.
I wish to meet
You now
So there won't be useless words
Uttered in secret for
You.
I wish to be with
You, too
So there won't be useless thought dancing restlessly for
You.
But I won't force to be with
You soon
As the timing is predestined by and arranged for
You.
counting my falling hair before finally meeting you
💕
Everything, dear self
Has its own time, no delay.
There is never doubt.
when my doubt is unbearable, i will open the Quran and ask to be given one answer to my doubt — after some short meditative moment; i will randomly open a page and the first part that i see or point with my forefinger, i will simply take it as the answer
and this is the most recent one when i asked about doubt “…. and He has appointed a term in which there is no doubt.”
it might be a coincidence that the “no doubt” appeared to me when i asked about doubt
it is not a scientific process to make a decision, but i choose to believe it because i don’t want to lose the ability to rely on intuition in time when logic cannot help
it takes practices and acceptance to embrace this simple (speculative) way of making decision, and it takes humility (for a logical person like me) to humbly believe
thank you, Gusti 💕
Dear kitchen,
I promise you
To love you
As long as
You let me sing
While cooking.
grilled saba from my kitchen and friends from outside (i ate 1.5 saba….)
i’m crazy about deep fried & carrot – all from my kitchen
the chicken in the heart shaped bowl is garang asem, favourite! my kitchen loves me!
Want I
To be surrounded by
You
Where laughter is generous,
Thought is serious,
Confidence is contagious,
Maturity is glorious.
How merry
To have conversation hilarious!
Once in a while though days look rigorous,
That's when it is to my senses obvious,
To my thought serious
That you're famous
Surrounded by
Thousands of those
Marvelous.
Sigh I.
surrounded by beauty
If I were a scent,
I would be herbal.
If I were a scent,
I would be flowers.
If I were a scent,
I would be sandalwood.
If I were a scent,
I would be musk.
If I were a scent,
I would be sea breeze.
If I were a scent,
I would be mountain dew.
What other scents could
I become?
Floral?
Oriental?
Woody?
Fresh?
If I were a scent,
I would be anything that's
Loved to breath in by
You.
rike jokanan 
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