Mega Mendung, Life is loaded with quizzes Yet it's also beautifully adorned with gifts and bliss Only if You are willing to walk around The circle And see. Meet me at the curve where Life twists Your plot. Only if You believe.
these batik sheets were sent to me when I was on holiday in Yogyakarta – batik Mega Mendung
Mega Mendung is a batik pattern originated from a town named Cirebon.
…. speechless to tell more as it reminds me of how life twists the plot and make words vanish one by one to the air. Only beauty in silence….
I’ll talk about batik mega mendung more thoroughly next round when my mega mendung dress is done.
If I am to mention what’s my super power, it’s to love & to accept my life as it is.
What is love?
I used to think love was only that among family members. Then I grew it as a flower in a garden of family and friends. Then it grew to romance. Now it’s as wide as humanity & life. What a growth I’ve deliberately realised when I’m grown up.
Today love itself has taught me how it is a fuel to accept what life is and at the same time to keep the journey on. Love is never that that discourages human being to hope for the best. Love is never that that deflates the hope to keep believing that humanity prevails.
Sometimes love feels so tiny that it can only give me a small hole to see a faraway land with a beautiful meadow. It feels so depressed sometimes that it can only make me breathe the thin air to feel the freshness of breeze in the mountain.
Yet most of the time love is huge embracing this heart to smile and to dance and to prance above the path of life. It highlights what’s bright in a dull moment. It balances what’s tailing, spinning, diving and loopy like a kite flying unsteadily. It makes these eyes see what it is, no drama, no excessive handling– just being a stable self, loving, living.
Love is an action to load daily activities with meaning and purpose, how trivial the action is. Love is a willingness to share with others in silence or in crowd with little to no attention seeking. All not easy, but doable–
I can only write about love because that’s the only thing I can talk about.
Work is something I can only share with my colleagues. Charity is something I can only share with those rightful to receive. Love is for all around me.
Celebrate love! It’s as spacious as a weekend.
☘️❣️
a petal of rose like cherry’s, sways in autumn to mark surrender
If You disappear from the world, There will be only me. What would I do? I'll create You. I did create You with so much love For myself as if it's from You.
If I have to lose anything, I'll let it be You. Not because I don't have enough love for you. It's simply because I can always create You.
I'm water whose splash Cleans wounds in my own heart. I'm fire whose spark Burns wounds to immediately heal. I'm wind whose blow Dries wounds to end the pain.
Dear, Beloved. Let me meet a true heart who as well has become water, fire, and wind to one's own self.
Dear, Beloved. Let us walk and sprint together in all trails and at the finish line meeting You.
Dear, Beloved. This heart is a garden where nature starts a cycle to end, ready to welcome the next cycle.
Tongue tied, Beloved Seeing how carefree you are Dancing with the tide--
life is about riding the tides. when it’s high, soar. when it’s low, dive. this soul is free, loving from distance or nearby– no difference but loving from distance makes the vibe thicker with longing, from nearby lighter with laughter
love is as beautiful as everyday’s sunray
never hurry! love is the way itself, not a destination
This heart is the earth Who will bury stories, gossips, complaints, grievances to the depth The very deep. Layers of soil will dry, Solidify, Carbonize, Fossilize In peace.
Then miners come To liquify what's solidified. Diamond, sapphire, ruby, quartz.... Name more. They're dug up To the surface Beautiful and shiny Like love, hope and protection. Yet some are glaring Like pride, arrogance and domination.
Dear, Heart. Slip in my deepest self And never open the doors. It hurts to be mined.
Love is always precious like diamonds that adorn little life. Yet I’m resting after the diamonds are scattering on the floor, clinking around, rolling, some unfound….
The are some pieces left. The last to be guarded please the last….
Hidden gem, my love Glows in this heart telling tales About hidden love That might never find her nest. The voiceless gets more silent.
Today my friend brought me around Jogja. The most interesting part was of course Pasar Beringharjo (Beringharjo Market) in which whatever souvenirs from Jogja are completely displayed. The most I love about this market is “ibu-ibu gendhong”, the women who sell their service to carry the people’s (both traders and shoppers) stuff from one point to another. My friend works in the NGO that advocate them to get better access to better rights as informal workers. The women (we call them buruh gendhong: female porters) know my friend very well so I always get the chance to say hi to them every time I visit some markets in Jogja & be given directions which best traders I can go to get the best products.
Today they showed me a hidden gem, a small corner where old-aged batik sheets and tradion Javanese kebaya are traded. What a blessed day today was!
How should I have felt except thankful? It was a good bargain– just with less than SGD50 I got a package of pretty apparels that I will wear to attend Christmas party in my cousin’s home.
kebaya, old batik sheet & an obi belt of Sido Asih batik
Thank you!
My cold heart got warm with the shopping spree and meeting the female porters who are the true representative of humble life itself.
God bless you, Ibu-Ibu & Mbah-Mbah Buruh Gendong. 💕
Eyes to eyes, my Love Where realm of now and here be Punishing the past.
When I talk with someone, I’ll look into one’s eyes. It’s a sign that I respect my interlocutor, embracing one’s presence mindfully here and now. In return I really hope that the person does the same to me.
Yet who am I to want someone to do it wholeheartedly.
Let days be days. Lessons flow like rivers within me, the heaven that I’ve built to reach the real heaven ahead.
Show me, Beloved That it's real and right and true. Says a shy lover.
The Quran is always a good advisor to me. It never lets me down.
When I’m so doubtful of self worth, it always sends me encouragement to be always faithful to what’s shown to me, without others’ validation or justification. Trust me an ordinary human being in whatever age period will still question herself when a strong blow of question “who do you think you are? know your worth” comes to her especially from those who are supposed to at least “shut the mouth”. 😁❣️
What a day!
This verse that randomly opened just now is QS Assajdah #24. For those reading this as outside world this verse is about leaders in a group; yet to me as the Quran can always be about what’s within, this is about leader within me which is the Heart.
The heart will only lives and be alive only when the whole body agrees to be patient and trust what’s shown through the existing senses. Be patient, dear self. Trust the process and the symbols and signs shown to you.
I will just walk to where love and compassion is leading me. Be it real. Be it true. Be it right.
Pages of a book Dog-eared, yellowed And wrinkle Of fingers stroking--
I’m not a religious person yet I love checking holy books, books about local faith around the world and writings about philosophy. To me wisdom scatters everywhere; it might not be the best sources of wisdom but reading them has opened my horizon of thinking and I’ve become an open-minded and free thinker to some extent.
There is one more thing about checking those books is getting personal advice that I can’t get from even the closest people around me– not because I don’t trust their love to me but I don’t trust their level of bias in analysing my situation. They are not open enough to accept me who is very open in thinking yet very morally guarding to my own self (two paradoxes my closest people still can’t understand up to now). That’s why I “consult” the Quran, the holy book aside from Bible that I’ve been familiar with since I was young (my father was a Christian).
Today I felt the need of consulting the Quran; I prayed, recited Alfatihah the opening suuraah of the Quran, greeted those I respect in life, took a short silence and randomly opened the book.
Here is the answer from the Quran.
QS Annuur #38
That Allah may reward them [according to] the best of what they did and increase them from His bounty. And Allah gives provision to whom He wills without account.
My heart stopped doubting. Is it because of the Quran? Is it because of to whom I prayed? Is it because of my trust? Maybe one of them. Maybe all of them. And I don’t want other possibilities because I won’t let myself doubt what’s been confirmed.
Thank you, dear Quran for being my closest friend, a book that opens all the doors of light. I might not be religious but you’re always the #1 consultant I’ve turned to for the past 33 years and probably will be for the rest of my life.
Life is just like that. Like what? Like whatever she perceives-- Be she fun, Or gloomy-- Be she colourful, Or dull-- Be she letting go, Or attaching-- Be she alone, Or together--
Life is just like Her in whatever version She wants her to be.
my life shall be as light as my heart can be
I’ll always unload things unnecessary to clutch on as those things will only make my steps drudge while I’d be glad prancing
Some people asked Why I liked writing poems. My answer was simple
Because that was the only way I could tell my truth.
Then they told me to Use naked words to tell the truth To them then I did.
Those people asked again Why I used naked words to tell the truth. My answer was simple
Because you asked me to Then they excluded me.
I'm writing poems now And forever.
and with the poems I spray fragrance with which I decorate my truth so those particular people will get lost in their own mind that is so confusing like a maze
missing home…. sometimes human beings don’t need to rest from work, they just need to rest from drama
Sweet heart, Beloved Lingers so long, stays alive, Connects what across.
My mother is supposed to be 81 years old if she’s alive physically. I’m sure she’s happy across, seeing I’m happy. I know she knows I miss her everyday– there is still empty seconds in the morning when I wake up seeing no WhatsApp message from her.
I’ll keep all about you in me forever, Ibu. Love ya much much❣️
Send my best regard to my father who probably is sitting with you all the time talking about you offspring.
Terima kasih, Ibu.
the last screenshot of our video call on Aug 16, 2025
even with just half of her teeth, she still is beautiful
Marble cake, my Love Calls me to sweeten my days With sugar and scent.
marble cake is one favourite of mine; it’s sweet that never fails to make me smile anytime I bite from every slice of it
me is about meaning and my marble cake is not excluded
like marble, it’s layered of taste, chocolate, vanilla, butter, crisp, moist & fluf exactly like memories of my life that is always full of love
once my readers asked me love will bore you and stop you from singing; I said no as my love isn’t about what’s outside, it’s about what’s skin, flesh, bones and marrow, it’s about muscle and about memories– the whole concept and its compliance altogether that will never fade away through known dimension
and love isn’t about someone else other than me, it’s about how layers of truth are formed with all the falling in love and broken heart in life, even the thinnest love & the slightest broken heart
have you ever seen an orchid shows its bud? that’s a thinnest falling in love
have you ever waited a taxi then suddenly the driver cancelled the order? that’s a slghtest broken heart
I’ve been falling in love to someone that’s so special: that’s a thickest love and losing someone that I’ve loved the most: that’s the biggest broken heart
and those in the middle, a lot
yes, my life is like marble and also marble cake, layered with tastes
She's a hummingbird Flying her colours and voice. Garden of Eden--
If people ask what one thing I’d do at home when I’m doing other relaxing things?
The answer: humming❣️
Humming is the power of someone who loves singing but not memorise the lyrics. It’s what makes the amateur singer feel so proud of herself of singing beautifully without words, voice and tones are right, words are hidden. 😁
Today my household chores are not as many as before yet still I want to be home longer; I have a book to read then share my reading to my family and friends. I also have a sheet of white fabric to experiment shibori stitching.
Saturday is never boring with humming.
my mom used to ask “what are you cooking for this Saturday?” then “that’s delicious! wanna try! cook it for us when you’re home” then I would call her sharing laughter & jokes
no I’m not sad but I miss her love, compassion, stories, jokes, intimacy between mother and daughter
I’m so blessed with her being my mother; and still so blessed to have siblings and in-laws that understand intimacy is the glue of our family
thank you❣️
time to let my physical, heart & soul hum softly as part of my gratitude for the love around me 💕
Our language is language of the heart. When it's not heard, it means The thread is cut, The line is off, The connection is cut, The songs are not sung Anymore. Thank you for this one year.
today’s conversation in the pantry is about rejection: without telling to whom & by whom, just possibility told tales by diners that met for just 30 minutes:
personal business project that’s not approved
library planned visit that’s postponed
afternoon tea invitation in Shangrilla that’s rejected
love that’s unrequited
story that’s not continued
all are one U-turn forced by life to meet the right direction
The load, Beloved So much she can give to you-- Whatever she keeps
RC Gorman’s work of art
the woman is guarding what she keeps in the terracotta jar silently sitting next to her like a soul that she lives with, that she fills with richness of life full of love & hope, that someday she will share with that patient enough to sit down with her silently & fun enough to enjoy life as it is
rike jokanan 
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