Your heart, Beloved, Is yours. We though share one soul Bonding us for good. I send love to your heart while The soul hugs us forever.
everything looks beautiful when seen with love
this is one of 6 stems of orchids celebrating life before they dry out some time later, reminding me to keep sharing love and compassion until my existence changes dimension
Forgiveness, my love Blooms among showers of love Coming out of love.
I became very upset yesterday after listening to some statements that in my perspective was sarcastic and on the contrary to what I personally saw. Most people laughed though.
Then what came across my mind was that person was trying to tell me secretly through a “townhall” that I was not the chosen one. It is normal to be excluded or canceled or rejected/ but should be with dignity not giving silent treatment; and with consistent treatment not “saying this here, giving hidden messages there”– personal or professional, that is not a right way to treat people.
My day was so ruined. What made it worse was a heavy rain came unpredictably that I had to travel longer from Johor to Singapore because of traffic growing jammed in both countries’ immigration gates.
But then I talked to myself last night. What is so special about me that I should be the chosen one? Why not accepting what was securely? Why was so upset to statements that might have been intended to tell me the truth? Hurting truth is better than late one, right? Or what about if that was just a way to tell jokes?
It took me long to re-digest the why: I was using the 5-Why method to trace back possible root causes with no result.
Out of the blue an iMessage with a beautiful song came from a Coldplay lover saying that it was sent to me because the song reminded that person of me. Wow! What a coincidence! Exactly when the iMessage came, I was playing exactly the same song sent to me.
And that the song reminded that person of me must have had a reason: maybe the quality of either the music or lyrics of the song is so me? 🥹
Why this song? Maybe the song vibe represents my “feeling good and like falling in love all the time”. Hmm…. This must be something.
I opened the Holy Book randomly and got another good vibe; a verse started with a sentence: “hold to forgiveness”.
What a stroke of good colours has been thrown to me!
Ok, my day!
I will do all my laundry and house cleaning chores today, cook my breakfast and eat it happily, then go to sleep like a log tonight then tomorrow I will walk 5 kilometers in the morning or go biking 11 kilometers in the afternoon.
Yosh❣️
Thank you, Gusti Allah….
I forgive myself. I forgive others. I forgive myself for letting my mind be filled with negativity about myself and others. I forgive others who have been so out of context or being ignorant.
What song sent by that Coldplay heavy lover? Here it is.
thank you, KM-san! i think you’re right that i deserve to be a heart full of love and a person spreading good feelings
i don’t want to give up; i’ve worked hard to shape a loving heart up to this level — will never let go of my true self
I love who I love With the least of what I feel, With the smallest of what I give, With the smile I curve, With the breath I take, With the step I make, With the words I whisper, With the prayer I hide, With the biggest I can sacrafice, With the vastest I can explore, With the laughter I throw, With the sigh I disguise, With the decision I make, With all I dedicate In silence Or declared.
title of my poem above is inspired by none but part of Coldplay’s Jupiter
That planet never stops inspiring me. Thanks, Jupe.
laughter is ripples caused by a heart who wants to tell stories of how life offers so much
i called my mom and could not stop laughing hearing her stories about anything around her: the cat, the relatives, the weather, the broom, the iPhone, etc
she is someone able to make a simple thing nice to hear and laugh at
i never talk about my problem with her and i consider it my job 😁 because her fun can only happen when she knows her children are ok
just by talking with her about how she argued with my sister could make me laugh hard and when finally she asked me “what about you? you ok?”, i would confidently say “iya, Ibuuu….”
i love you, Ibu — you are one of those I so much love
I love who I love Through the existence of yours. I am to comply. There's only one rule applied: Wholeheartedly or forced, done.
title of my tanka is inspired by none but part of Coldplay’s Jupiter
That planet never stops inspiring me. Thanks, Jupe.
there is one verse in the Quran that i could finally accepted when i reached 40:
arra’d #15 “and to God prostrates whoever is within the heavens and the earth, willingly or by compulsion, and their shadows in the mornings and the afternoons”
even when at the beginning i felt forced to accept what was, i finally found that i was saved through being forced while i was struggling declining what was
it’s like swimming in a river flowing sometimes so calm making journey so enjoyable, sometimes forcing and surging making it hard to believe;
Dear, dear Beloved. There's a space all dearly miss. It's a home sweet home.
I’ve tried inserting Jogja between my schedules since forever and now it is a dream-come-true.
There is a long to-do list for Jogja this time: checking if the orchids have rooted to the tamarind tree, eating gudheg, drinking ginasthel (legi, panas, kenthel = sweet, hot, thick in Javanese) tea prepared by my 90-year-old aunt, talking about my garden-to-be with my cousins, going watch Papermoon Puppet show and meeting up with batik artisans.
Yet to make it simple let me call it a not-so-short-but-not-long-at-all getaway to take care of my home project and to breathe the sweetness of village air.
Care to see my plan?
Here it is. Boring? That’s so me! 😊
Oct 25 (Friday)
9:45am arriving in Yogyakarta International Airport
noon to afternoon: visiting humble batik artisans: Ibu Tien and Mbak Izzah (any kind of sogan batik) in Imogiri then Mbak Fitri in Kasihan (batik nitik)
evening: eating gudheg
night: checking in and talking with Mbak Roh (permanent partner in crime in Jogja) on random topics until we fall asleep
Oct 26 (Saturday)
whole day with architect (Mbak Novi) in her gallery, my home then finally to Papermoon Puppet Theatre
evening: eating gudheg (again?) and whatever
night: talking with Mbak Roh, Mbak Endang and Agnes on random topics until we fall asleep
Oct 27 (Sunday)
whole day enjoying my aunt’s tea and home cooking in my father’s childhood home in Menoreh Hills
evening: eating gudheg (again??) and whatever
night: talking with Mbak Roh on random topics until we fall asleep
Oct 28 (Monday)
9:45am flying back to Singapore
I usually either give free class or tell stories to children in a small library in Bambanglipuro, but time doesn’t allow though. Skipped! Sorry, kids…. We love you, but I need to manage adult things this time. Next time ya….
Can’t wait to be home…. Jogja, please warmly welcome me like always.
loving the blue sky! view from the backyard-garden-to-be (June’s doc)
Happy in the rain, She's throwing smiles to the cloud. Rain sends smiles to her.
yellow symbolizes happiness
don’t wait for external causes to celebrate life — rain can be a trigger to flooding anger within or simply a trigger to remind us that there is freshness within ready to dance
Love teaches me to be generous Of admiration and hopes and dreams. However, fear drives me to be stingy Of admiration and hopes and dreams.
You're a pendulum I'm hugging, Beloved Swinging me from Love to Fear.
I know my wish won't change anything. You constantly move to balance Your own generosity, And my imbalance is just a side effect, Not your fault--
I'm almost drowning, Your stream is so strong. I'm more and more deeply pulled To where I belong: A smile of generosity, Where love is abundant, Fear dormant.
letting go is making sure love is abundant and fear dormant
Sometimes I ignore the name When I know it is the same. Dear You, How your beauty and majesty Has encapsulated me In one existence called Life! Now I can only choose either To love or To leave.
they call it “Mie Kari”in KL, it is “Laksa” in Penang 😘 in Singlish it is called “same same but different” 😁
Water is splashing Once fallen on to surface. Lace of ripples be--
negatively perceived by others is not something new for me; many human beings don’t believe in good will or good intention simply because they are trying to protect themselves from being robbed — they think others being kind to them is a strategy to take their power or their money
i’ve met some people accusing me of being kind to rob their money or power; i never explain about my good will or intention and just continue being kind — if they finally recognize the kindness, it’s good for them for knowing kindness; if they never do, it’s good for me for being protected from stupidity
i only want to cause ripples of kindness in my life
Today's done, my love, With a bunch of reminders To always believe.
i’m not a religious person but in my opinion holy book (whichever it is: the Quran, Bible, Torah, Vedha, etc) is one reference of layers of truth that at least can put some ease on mind when i feel like wanting to disbelieve
when traveling i usually bring a small paperbook Quran to flip and read after work before sleep; this time i don’t because in some countries like Indonesia and Malaysia hotels lend Quran by request from the guest
today i borrowed one from the hotel as i really wanted to touch Quran pages to find some solace
this shows me how fragile a human being can be to face daily life challenge at the same time how simple human being can be cured from the fragility
Thank you, dear weekend For slapping my face with waves That clear busy mind.
in the middle of a book that i picked in Sep 2023 and started reading in Sep 2024
soon completed
one big note within my reading which i am sure will stay until the end of the reading: always start with why except in loving someone, when you love someone with a why, you will find another why and finally you have no reason to love that someone and you’ll go back to your meaningless emptiness — know that only love never needs why
thank you, Truth for giving me so big a heart that contains so little to no why for loving, and so big a mind that contains unlimited why’s for knowing life
have a weekend, take a breath and set new days
i beg mercy from You, The Truth — set me free ASAP from heart congestion and mind unclarity
She thought The door was open ajar And so she stepped forward Then she found It was never ajar, It was unclearly welcoming, Playing true heart, Causing a burning pain.
It was a glass window Protecting a door That was never open-- Neither for her Nor for anyone Probably-- Some home is designed To lure hope Just to damage true trust.
She decided that It's her fault And mindfully she's to be careful As her heart won't Bear the cost of What's not true Anymore.
stand in front of a door that is finally found never open for me, time to go within
it is my first time, very first time to find that a heart can show me so overwhelmingly huge clear admiration and hope but then cause me to free fall ridiculously
maybe i did something really bad to that heart in my previous life
dear, love — i don’t want unclarity next time; i don’t want false alarm; i want only clear mind and genuine intension
lesson is learnt in many ways; i thank life for teaching me so much love — this time love that has no clarity about its own self
thank you, love for giving me clarity about myself and about you
A gift, Beloved, Wrapped or unwrapped, it will be Blessings to both sides.
today i met my Tapa Brata room mate, she is a sister in this spiritual and medical journey for me; while she is much younger than me, she is tremendously more advanced in what we both are doing — today she wrapped me a silver jewelry that i right away wore to go dinner with her in PS
rike jokanan 
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