graphs of my Universe
It's humble,
Warm,
Spacious,
Fragrant,
Sweet,
Loving,
Beautiful and
True
As this heart.
My home....
I miss
You.
this song depicts how i love my perfect home to be — i miss Jogja
November, please give me just one weekend to be there then i will be a prisoner again until next slot that you wholeheartedly give
❣️
Be true
Being true
True
Self
Thank you, dear life for being so true to me and teaching me how to be.
I felt so heavy this morning. After swimming, I continued preparing a line of chores that were not finished last night. Yet when doing the laundry and some kitchen things, I was “attacked” by a feeling of broken heart and anger that didn’t seem to be from my own experience– I’ve been so in love and blessed recently.
I remember that what we feel is not always who we are, there might be others’ negative energy around us that with heaven knows what reasons the energy attaches to us. So I stopped for a while: talking to myself, talking to my best friend, posting some funny videos to my instagram then meditating for a while. And tada! My mother called me giving me some news about this and that happening around her.
No wonder I’ve felt so heavy and broken hearted.
Now I know I am not broken hearted.
I am filled with so much love and flowing it to those knowing how to appreciate it.
I promise to be always true to this true self and to those true to it.
May all beings be happy.
💗
Liberating love
Makes her fly high to the sky
Seeing a blessed heart.
the ultimate love is that that liberates
listening to this song feels like liberated in love
💗
She's locked, Beloved,
Under radar of a plane
Showering much love.
No mercy. Between nervous
And happy, she's humming tunes.
love can be as cruel as rain of missiles bombarding a quiet village in a peaceful night — hope i don’t die in misery
🥰
Sometimes
I ignore the name
When I know it is the same.
Dear
You,
How your beauty and majesty
Has encapsulated me
In one existence called
Life!
Now I can only choose either
To love or
To leave.
they call it “Mie Kari” in KL, it is “Laksa” in Penang 😘 in Singlish it is called “same same but different” 😁
If flower's singing,
Dandelion does the best.
She wishes to heart.
dear dandelion, bring my rhythms to my love and let my love decide the rhyme
i wish one sweetest rhyme is chosen from the very heart resonating mine
💕
Water is splashing
Once fallen on to surface.
Lace of ripples be--
negatively perceived by others is not something new for me; many human beings don’t believe in good will or good intention simply because they are trying to protect themselves from being robbed — they think others being kind to them is a strategy to take their power or their money
i’ve met some people accusing me of being kind to rob their money or power; i never explain about my good will or intention and just continue being kind — if they finally recognize the kindness, it’s good for them for knowing kindness; if they never do, it’s good for me for being protected from stupidity
i only want to cause ripples of kindness in my life
It is what you do
Bringing deeds. And so you do,
Do through sweeter heart.
i was tired of being a wicked energy in one side of life, so i decided to be a sweeter softer heart in all sides of life — whatever they say….
💕
Today's done, my love,
With a bunch of reminders
To always believe.
i’m not a religious person but in my opinion holy book (whichever it is: the Quran, Bible, Torah, Vedha, etc) is one reference of layers of truth that at least can put some ease on mind when i feel like wanting to disbelieve
when traveling i usually bring a small paperbook Quran to flip and read after work before sleep; this time i don’t because in some countries like Indonesia and Malaysia hotels lend Quran by request from the guest
today i borrowed one from the hotel as i really wanted to touch Quran pages to find some solace
this shows me how fragile a human being can be to face daily life challenge at the same time how simple human being can be cured from the fragility
thank you
💝
Love is felt, dear Love,
By leaves through the breeze and soil.
Romance at autumn--
autumn, give me strength to love with no attachment
Thank you, dear weekend
For slapping my face with waves
That clear busy mind.
in the middle of a book that i picked in Sep 2023 and started reading in Sep 2024
soon completed
one big note within my reading which i am sure will stay until the end of the reading: always start with why except in loving someone, when you love someone with a why, you will find another why and finally you have no reason to love that someone and you’ll go back to your meaningless emptiness — know that only love never needs why
thank you, Truth for giving me so big a heart that contains so little to no why for loving, and so big a mind that contains unlimited why’s for knowing life
have a weekend, take a breath and set new days
i beg mercy from You, The Truth — set me free ASAP from heart congestion and mind unclarity
duh Gusti…. 😘
She thought
The door was open ajar
And so she stepped forward
Then she found
It was never ajar,
It was unclearly welcoming,
Playing true heart,
Causing a burning pain.
It was a glass window
Protecting a door
That was never open--
Neither for her
Nor for anyone
Probably--
Some home is designed
To lure hope
Just to damage true trust.
She decided that
It's her fault
And mindfully she's to be careful
As her heart won't
Bear the cost of
What's not true
Anymore.
stand in front of a door that is finally found never open for me, time to go within
it is my first time, very first time to find that a heart can show me so overwhelmingly huge clear admiration and hope but then cause me to free fall ridiculously
maybe i did something really bad to that heart in my previous life
dear, love — i don’t want unclarity next time; i don’t want false alarm; i want only clear mind and genuine intension
lesson is learnt in many ways; i thank life for teaching me so much love — this time love that has no clarity about its own self
thank you, love for giving me clarity about myself and about you
💕
Morning, Beloved
Welcomes a cycle to close,
To open new days.
morning has broken
A gift, Beloved,
Wrapped or unwrapped, it will be
Blessings to both sides.
today i met my Tapa Brata room mate, she is a sister in this spiritual and medical journey for me; while she is much younger than me, she is tremendously more advanced in what we both are doing — today she wrapped me a silver jewelry that i right away wore to go dinner with her in PS
thank you for this pretty gift, FO
A point, Beloved,
With which a view is perceived.
Welcome, clarity.
clear and clean
She asks what's better
Today or next life? The same--
If it is the same.
what can be better than tempe with good friends around? both are at the same level of comfort
💕
She's blessed, Beloved
In the name of none but love
By those knowing love.
almost done with the packing — short getaway somewhere connected with 1-week biz trip to KL
i’ve been in good mood
this was the first time i was kissed and hugged by the CFO of a company after a closing meeting — she said she had heard my name from other counterparts in other branches and she liked the way i defended my standpoint; or, probably she was just being a mother who remembered her daughter
thank you, YW; you are blessed
Let's celebrate it,
A victory of breathing
And smiling to life.
celebrating today’s victory with my team before closing meeting
🔥
She is scared away
By all silence thrown to her.
Going back within--
sometimes work is the only heaven when undivided attention distracts me from other disturbances
today is the last day of audit in one supplier near home then i will complete packing to fly early tomorrow morning — i don’t know if the meet-up will happen (i heard the person will go somewhere else with someone else); if not, at least i know whether or not this is my way
💕
I just wanna be
Soaked and refreshed in your love.
Fun in solitude--
evening swim is nice with splashing sound and unseen shadowy fellow swimmers — soaked and refreshed in solitude is a privilege
Living up to this age, I am still learning how to live more systematically while questioning if life shall be systematic.
As I deal with management system almost everyday, let me share how I see life as a structured process flow from one phase to another in a close loop cycle. Please note it is not always implemented in all part of life by me; why? Because I love experiencing life as a flowing river instead of 1-2-3-4 that feels like ordinal number sequence, it is fair enough to break the cycle rule once in a while.
What is breaking cycle rule in my version? Simply by twisting schedule from morning to evening, changing my playlist from jazz to Balinese rindik or Javanese gamelan to unknown music from instagram that I follow. That simple? Not always, sometimes I will just call my brother for 3 hours talking bloody unfunny jokes but still laughing together. I am boring because of not clubbing? Yes, and feeling enough with myself 😃
Perhaps because outside work I am a free spirit (in different way), rigidly binding me with too structured a way of life can make me suffocated; that’s why even (if) there is a systematic approach of management system flow applied to my life, I will still hijack my own system at certain moment to ensure that my life is a pleasant bliss, not a routine.
😃
it is not yet fully done, review in progress, debatable and not a proposal — it’s just a noisy mind of mine
💃🏽
Dreamseeds, Beloved,
Land only on a warm heart
That does what it says.
if i were a fairy, i would fly with the dandelion to plant seeds of dream so all good heart can sing only guileless love songs
I will keep this fire spark within and share it with my loved one — only when love reciprocally matters.
I love you, my morning.
💕
🔥
Thank you, my morning
For giving my passion back
After short suicide.
the lagoon pool this morning, its splashing sound competing with the traffic picking up was the background when i called my mother after my morning walk
my mother is sometimes too worried about me then she says “you’re too active”; she’s not exactly right — yes i swim every 2 days, walk 5km every 2 days and bike now and then but i see others run, hike the mountains, box (some of my Filipino colleagues do), etc
so i told my mother just now that i will keep being active if this is what she calls active as this is what makes me greet my morning with positive vibes everyday
i don’t want to waste my time by doing what those in despair do
and she always tells me “don’t forget the routine fasting but eat more” — what?! mother…. a woman that annoys you but you can’t stop loving her
terima kasih, my morning & ibuku sayang
I've learnt reasoning since
Forever.
I gain what and what
Through stingy allowance
To let things happen in life
Except
One,
You.
I generously gain
You.
Beloved,
Can you please sometimes tell me why I should not love?
Should I love king only? Or should I not for he is too high?
Or should I love beggar? Or should I not as he is too low?
Or should I learn now that
There must be reasons to
Love?
Life is sometimes showing me
Love
Then taking it back cruelly
With little to no chance.
i beg your guidance, always
💕
Teachers can be those telling me something new to me to understand, those reminding me what I forgot and/or those confirming what I’ve comprehended.
Life is beautiful.
thank you, Abu for always sharing your learning process; thank you, dear Mbak Iie for sharing your journey — you both are blessed
In everyday life
Leaves are on trees, trees on roots;
Blooms and fruits on hopes--
my everyday life is prosaic, i recompose it to be poetic so i can enjoy it with my loved ones
💕
Lyrics (softly spoken, deep and on point)
What in the world are we going to do?
Look at what everybody's going through
What kind of world do you want it to be?
Am I the future or the history?
'Cause everyone hurts
Everyone cries
Everyone tells each other all kinds of lies
Everyone falls
Everybody dreams and doubts
Got to keep dancing when the lights go out
How in the world I am going to see?
You as my brother
Not my enemy?
'Cause everyone hurts
Everyone cries
Everyone sees the color in each other's eyes
Everyone loves
Everybody gets their hearts ripped out
Got to keep dancing when the lights go out
Gonna keep dancing when the lights go out
Hold tight for everyday life
Hold tight for everyday life
At first light
Throw my arms out open wide
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelu-halle-hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelu-halle-hallelujah
Yes
When I found you,
It was a spellbound day.
The feel of being bewitched,
Charmed, tormented and blessed at the time brought me a big question.
What is this?
A dream?
A mirage?
An illusion?
Another test?
There will be a day
To judge if
You materialise or
You fade away.
If there is a mystery, it is
You.
You appear in the door of my heart
As a surprise.
Is that really you?
Or a ghost assigned to test?
If it is truly you, be you.
If it is a ghost, be gone.
Although everyday
I want to say to
You anything I want to say
But say not as I bet
You know how I feel,
You know what I wish,
You know whom I miss,
You know and
You know.
One day heaven knows which day
I will say to
You anything I want to say
Everyday although
You know how I feel,
You know what I wish,
You know whom I miss,
You know and
You know.
rike jokanan 
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