graphs of my Universe
Reading, Beloved
Deciphering messages
Sent by soul that shines—
—
Sending my warm regards to all readers in the world. Hope we’re all blessed with wisdom and fun from reading and what is read.
Salaam…. 🙏🏼
Kinokuniya SG – calm Saturday afternoon after Japanese class with Honda Sensei
Welcome, Beloved,
To where you belong. The home
That keeps missing you.
—
They are welcoming me home with love ♥️
Got lost, Beloved,
Standing in a night-market
Seeing all the cheers—
—-
Blessed life, Beloved,
Chains of weeks with good content
Closed with happy ends—
—
Weekend!
Again?
I’ve been curious how many weekends I’ve lived.
Way more than 2000!
Are there more good weekends than not so good ones? After some contemplation the answer is yes! There have been way more good weekends in my life! Thanks to laughter and clumsiness naturally blessed to me.
Hope to live thousands of more healthy weeks and commit to spend them gloriously!
If not given that long? Still enjoy! Or if given too short, negotiate! Don’t disappoint this human being, God. 😶
Rock this weekend!!!
Love at the first sight
To what’s captured by senses
And stays in the heart—
—
One beloved person called me asking why I didn’t attend a nephew’s wedding party yesterday. I said I couldn’t as I’ve been physically “beaten up” because of an accident recently. After what happened, sorry and better be careful, don’t go biking at night, wear the right shoes; she started ranting….
“What are you looking for in life? Look at your nephews and nieces getting married one by one. They wish their best wishes for you but you don’t seem to care. You’d better find one man and get married and they will attend your wedding party with all love and gifts.”
“Not my priority”, I said.
“What is your priority? Your work? Your dream? What?”
It is sometimes annoying to be a single woman in a society in which marriage is highly appreciated and considered as highway to happiness. I feel so lucky for living overseas away from those caring so much about me so I can enjoy my life the way I love to. Many of my single girl friends call me now and then telling me how tiring it is to answer the same questions again and again even when they don’t seem to have problems for not getting married. We are mentally and financially stable. 😁
“Ok, tell me I’ll find one. I know you won’t want one like your last. Tell me.”
“Sexually straight and not abusive in any way possible.”
“That’s easy! It is just you so difficult! Sometimes you just have to give up your priority or your love. I got married without love and it goes well. Many of us do and it goes well. Know that we worry about you.”
Alamak….
Weekend still goes well. And I’m happily looking forward to another week.
Life is a mystery, and so is love. I love my life and I don’t worry. 🥰
the right place possible – Jun. 19, 2022/17:12
Find love, Beloved,
Through the air breathed in and out.
No end of blessings-
—
Weekend is about breathing with zero sighing.
Can’t imagine life with no space to just stop for a while. 💝
She is all children
Playing, pushing the limits
Before time for home.
—-
Adults at home often reprimanded young me for going home late missing timely afternoon bath or going home dirty playing in the river or paddy field. As a child I was confused why adults didn’t like playing; worse is they tried stopping me from having fun, while we children didn’t even do any harm when playing.
Reading a message from someone “Stay safe. Enjoy life.”, there is optimism that life is still playful even among those working crazily hard although level and perception about enjoyment differs from person to person based on whatever limit the prefer to use: culture, law, moral values, religion, contracted ethics conduct, etc. Mine is still the same: traveling along the river and going home late minus mud (sometimes at the bike wheels) and adults’ criticism.
Weekend is always refreshing. Welcome, Monday! I’ve been nice to you, please be nice to me! (transaction starts at the end of a weekend)
Salaam.
Married, Beloved,
To your shadow that follows
Wherever I go.
Divorced, Beloved,
From your doubt that hunts and haunts
Wherever I hide.
—-
One very long chat decorated a night. A childhood friend did sharing about what she had experienced when we were away for about 10 years, busy with our own life. This is her promise to tell the full story after giving hints and looking puzzled when meeting me.
She married thrice. First husband died of illness. Second abused and cheated her and so they divorced. Third one, this one has brought a lot of stories and enlightenment.
How she finally decided the third after the traumatic second has strengthened about my own lesson in life – acceptance. How she lets a seemingly perfect person be with her imperfect figure does add amazement about one of my loyalist. How she ignores words and stares from people disapproving her behaviours has told me she is still girl going foraging in the wild with me in our lively early age.
She hit me with some bitter comments about my complicated points. She ridiculed me for being so guarding and distant from risking broken heart to happen. She also highlighted how her love transforms to friendship that I would have not believed can happen to her – she is not a “friendship-friendly” type of person, she is a snapping turtle 😑
There are things she has regretted about all 3 decisions but the regret has brought her to a final realisation that her life has shaped her into a composed, mature woman strong yet flexible enough to be beautifully bent by the hardship of life. The pain pays off, she said. What a beautiful creature my dear friend is! 😘😘😘
This weekend has given me another package of lessons from our childhood. A blast from the past!
Weekend is still long. I’d better have more fun!
May all beings be happy! 🙏🏼
Longing for
You
Is not
Because
Of
Love.
The opposite:
This love
Is
An expansion
Of
Longing for
You.
This room
Is
Full of
Longing for
You
And
Only love
Can define
You.
Failure
Of meeting you
Is
A pain,
Yet
Not
Suffering
These wings flap ahead
As
A view of
You
Zooming in and out
Giving a clue.
This love
Travels deeper
To a secret chamber
Where the gate
Finally finds the end.
Everything looks like you.
Everywhere locates you.
Every time shows you.
Hey, you!
Is it
You?
—-
⛩
Orchids’s peekaboo!
They breathe, we breathe the same air.
They bloom. We do, too.
They show colours. We do, too.
Theirs are bright. Would ours be, too?
Good start, Beloved,
Morning with a good picture
Of love on a plate—
—-
Let’s start Saturday with good intension, to experience the day with no pretension.
Weekend is always good with books, brushes and kitchen. Hey, don’t forget the umbrella!
☔️
Cut this, he said.
Nope! These fruits don’t need slicing,
Not for fine dining.
—-
I miss places where eating fruit is the combination of hard work and excitement. At very young age, some rascal friends and I would just pluck some fruits from the trees —our parents called it stealing and lectured us for weeks, we called it adventure— then eat them just like that. We even peeled sugarcane with our teeth like powerful fighters. 😎
I’m blessed to experience that prime time. Trust me it sounds rather uncivilised but that’s what has made my generation more humane than my niece and nephew’s generation that has to use knife to enjoy the helpless berries. 😀
Happy weekend!
🥳
To those loving pho (Vietnamese noodles) esp. Ho Chi Minh City style this herb is not something new. This herb gives unique strong flavor of herb in the pho broth. Some people say it is a replacement of cilantro (coriander leaves) but to me this herb can only replace cilantro in South East Asian food —at least in my limited knowledge and culinary experience. This herb is not the best in Western food which is mostly tasteless oops I mean bland…. Sorry, I don’t mean to. People won’t like their pancake or even sandwich with culantro. 😎
I bought it every time I traveled to Vietnam before pandemic and found it in a plant store around Ang Mo Kio yesterday. Good for the view. Good for noodle bowl. Good for the mood. 💚
Sometimes I’m somebody
At a conference room
Where win-win
Isn’t always a solution.
Powerful—
Decisive—
Sometimes I’m anybody
When long lost friends
Suddenly say hi and cry
“Would you please help? Would you help?”
Unconditional—
Used—
Sometimes I’m everybody
When I blindly devote myself,
When I wholeheartedly do everything needed,
When I run around everywhere to find you.
Preoccupied—
Stand-alone—
Sometimes I’m nobody
When I feel my heart beats,
My breath slows down with calmness,
When I know nobody is with me.
Blissful—
Submissive—
Thanks, my body.
You’re a complete gift to me.
I dedicate the above free verse to Emily Dickinson who has touched my life with many of her poems especially “I’m Nobody! Who are you?”
🐣
Salaam.
What’s real, Beloved?
Sensible? What’s sense? Those five?
Or six? What if more?
—-
Good time, Beloved,
Sitting silently, centred.
Grazing on the time—
—-
Life is never bored of reciting how grand a name when zoomed in and how tiny its reality when zoomed out. Oh! It is the other way around, tiny when zoomed in and grand when zoomed out.
What is your name, dear? Deer!
Are you a buck or a stag? You don’t look like one. Or, you look like both?
Go jazz, Beloved
Improvise on your own path
Where hidden seeds grow.
—-
Jazz is like secret love, confusing and almost unknown at the first catch but wrapped in harmony through time… and space? Seems space never takes my side. 😎
Jazz each day up!
⭐️
Amazing day, Love,
Completing what’s committed
Without supervised
—
Weekend is amazing with completing a pile of clothes. What a nice closure before Monday.!
Thank you, Life! I love hand washing and ironing. Seriously! As long as it is not a paid job. 💓
Welcome, Monday!
Money
Count it
Save it
Spend it
…
Whatever wanted,
Decided
Through a nature
…
They grow together.
…
What a show!
It gives relief
And chokes
At the same.
…
Hey, Money!
You’re so genuinely
Mirroring me.
—-
One wise friend told us that money will not change a human being into a good one; it only resonates what is.
Look at Scrooge McDuck. He may be naturally greedy and stingy. When he has all those dollars and coins, he doesn’t even pay Donald Duck decent salary as an employee who is at the same time his relative. His money resonates his nature!
Look at Belle. She may be naturally kind and intelligent in a small village. When she becomes the wife of a rich Beast, she is kind in even larger society. Wealth resonates her nature!
Undeniably the only matter most people want to dive in after water is probably money. It makes life breathable they said. Hilariously true, paradoxical.
Note: Money, a non discriminative belief system that will either makes someone’s life truly meaningfully valuable or vaguely temporarily luxurious. Our choice! Remember that $100 here is $100 there, no matter what one’s ethnic groups, race, religion, age, gender, sexual orientation, political interest, etc is.
May all beings be happy.
Sunset, Beloved,
Gliding, hiding in the night
Blanketing the day—
—-
Night and day are protecting each other, a complete package, a balance of duality.
Happy weekend! 😇
Hi, little bird. Befriend with your wings which look weak but bring you freedom. Befriend with your feet which look twiggy but hold you balanced. Befriend with your feathers which look light but give you warmth. Befriend with your eyes which look dark but show you pixels others can’t enjoy. Befriend with your tiny beak to sing only happy songs because sad songs are only for you when you’re with a trusted circle — hush! Untrusted flock will spill your sad stories everywhere to make themselves happy and feel important, and that will make you even sadder. Sing, perch, fly and enjoy your life responsibly freely.
Look, little bird. The sun shines brightly giving hopes to the heliotropic, while the air is yours through its pressurising differently every moment you move. Enjoy every second that you can capture, no matter what. Sing!
“I’m little bird, oh little bird in a short pretty life. I’m little bird, oh little bird in a realm of colours. I’m little bird, oh little bird, oh me.” 🪶
Have a wonderful weekend!
Salaam.
Singapore – Apr. 16, 2022 / 21:47
Perfume, Beloved,
Won’t be enjoyed by blocked nose.
Eyes though see bottle,
But the fragrance goes away
Leaving no trace but the spray.
—————————————————————
Once I had a chat about “Touch ‘n Go” card of Malaysia. One Malaysian friend made what he called a joke “Life is like touch and go la. You touch then you go la. As long as you pay, it is ok! The problem is after touch and go, you realise you run out of fuel and there is no gas station there, then you are stranded in the middle of nowhere.” None of us laughed. He said “Alamak! You all don’t get it la! Boy’s joke, boy’s joke!’
Only today I can really get it. I should text him to confirm a fresh understanding. He must be happy receiving a message from a long lost friend who is now “smart enough”. 😁
I prefer not to live like “touch and go in nice cars” touching here and there for temporary pleasure then losing the ability to detach from irresponsible people who can only suck joy out from my only self through the excessively irresponsible exchange of memories. I prefer “going on foot” consciously although it looks less luxurious.
‘d only build precious memories with those reciprocally loving me and not playing touch and go 💝
May all beings be happy.
It’s about flower in its life cycle.
A flower blooms, dries to fall off or falls to dry at time in place for a given moment. It lives then dies. It blossoms or prematurely drops.
Some flowers are admired, some are not even noticed. Some are vibrantly coloured, some are dead dull. Some are meticulous, some are straightly simple. Some produce edible fruits, some the poisonous.
It’s about flower, the beauty in itself, although most view points perceive the look differently. Absolute beauty sits where it is, lingering forever as values and concepts. Relative beauty fades away through aging, some even without being remembered as memory or history.
It’s about flower, the one in a palace and that in a lawn.
Salam. Alfatihah.
Treasure’s treasured, why
In tombs guarded by legends?
It’s secret’s secrets.
——————————————————-/
I’ve often thought that people living in this society is either living right at the bars or above the bars. It’s either we force ourselves to enjoy comfort that gives us uncomfortable consequences OR we comfortably enjoy whatever we have for comfort with just-right consequences. Today I learnt that there might be some super rich living in an area which “normal” millionaires here won’t even think as a good place to live. I read a news about a millionaire who in fact lives under their own bar with his family. Extraordinary!
So?
Ah! Life is just like that! There are choices to make and people make choices which (they think) they deserve.
Nothing is more liberating knowing that life still offers me wonderful news. It has proven me that life can be NOT-WYSIWYG. I would not imagine someone mistook my car as a grab car, while I were a super duper rich girl waiting for my friends to get on my Honda Vezel. 😃
Weekend, weekend! Happy weekend!
Go solo travel
Through blocked road, dead end
With fright, thirst and hope!
Trees will tell you where to go.
Sun will tell you when to halt.
—————————————————————
I (almost) always travel alone and I love it. It is not only business trip but also travel for leisure.
My first impressive adventurous solo travel was at 12 with my red mini bike. I would bike from home to my uncle’s home in a hilly district. It was about one hour ride of 7 kilometers away excluding all the U turns of getting lost in quite rough terrain in the route. I was excited doing it though because of nieces and nephews waiting to play with and the agriculture experience to enjoy. The up-hill biking to uncle’s home was my private getaway until my little brother insisted joining.
Another impressive solo travel of mine was in Bandar Lampung where I visited elephant and rhino conservation centres. Unfortunately the sweet young me was still innocent that people thought I was welcoming them; and I got sexual-physically harassed. Lucky me to be saved by a bus driver — wherever you are (maybe you away already because you looked like 60 years old when I was 26), you are blessed, Pak Supir!
And the excitement of the first impressive solo travel and the most dangerous one have combined to be a sufficient foundation for me to be a 99% solo traveler until now.
Traveling solo, I learn and improve how to cope with life challenges: languages, culture, human behaviour, security, etc. Yet I can enjoy the trips as I wish without having to wait for others moving slower or having to be dragged by others moving faster. It is almost always about excitement, freedom and privacy!
The bravest trip of mine was to Bangladesh in 2011. Plane touched down at 12am. Taxi waited in a corner that will be considered dangerous spot by any normal women on earth. Hotel was totally different from what was described online. Food was a bit below my hygiene par but I had to show my respect by eating with (fake) happy look! Yet I was truly happy to meet 3 new friends who hosted me with genuine hospitality (no fakey smiley like in some countries on earth I won’t mention); they brought me to city parks, mosques, slum areas, high end areas, etc in Dhaka. That was one paradoxically the happiest-saddest trip where I met the most skinny dogs and poor people right in front of luxurious houses. The most teary nights ever!
My smoothest, most expensive was 20-day solo travel in Europe: expensive flights, flights between countries, 1st class trains between cities and countries, taxi rides, good hotels, accessible public facilities, drinkable water free of charge!, good choices of food…. very little warm smile though. My favourite cities are still Amsterdam with so many Indonesians that warmed my soul and Madrid with so many handsome men that freshened my eyes! 😂
Do I still want to travel alone? YES! but not 99% anymore, maybe will be 75%. I have a small group of semi-backpacker ladies who will be best neighbours when I retire. So they might be my travel buddies when I want to share some itinerary with.
I miss traveling!!!
Next destination? I don’t know…. The virus has evolved from physical barrier to physio-socio-psycho-political block for me to move around! God bless you, dear Corona.
Happy Sunday home! Salaam. 💝
Balance, Beloved
Not about same measurement—
It’s the harmony.
———————————————————
Let’s be fair, dear Self. Are you 1 kg of feathers or 1 kg of gold?
Let’s be honest. Do you prefer 2-week laundry to wash or 2-week laundry to iron?
Challenging choices to be aligned with immediate happiness
🤹🏼♀️
Bl—dy he—❣️
Her life, Beloved,
Perfectly-directed film
Ready for Oscars—
————————————————
She sometimes forgets that life is a performed script in which she is casted to act out a given role the best she can. She should follow the director’s direction and directive.
What about spectators? She should ignore spectators. Spectators are stars whose job is to see and comment on the film. And they pay for what they see and comment. The payment goes to the stars!
So, dear Star. Fix your moves. Better your expression. Tag your ears with the melody. Live in harmony, with your own self like Javanese Bedhaya performers who are meditatively drowned in the sacred composition.
Oscars are waiting.…
…. Only if you play all out!
Heart and soul dancing through body 💞
Alhamdulillah 🌻
Be smile, Beloved,
A curve where warmth is contained.
Emoticon not—
————————————————————
Smiling is an activity which will be a habit and the skin of the owner if well trained. And so it can disappear when not practiced anymore.
Smile and smile and smile then she’ll be the smile itself. Smiling is watermelon juice! Sweet and fresh!
Happy weekend! Skip laundry! Don’t care about the mountain of ready-to-wash. Just smile!
Salaam….
A she, Beloved,
Is far and near, clear and blur,
But not true or false.
—————————————————————
Some people describe something so beautifully that others feel found and blessed. Those people are called the wise.
Weekend is rich with memes and kitchen; a bit chaotic with laundry and rain. Like a she she is! 🤩
All memes: from Pinterest
Murky, Beloved,
That pool’s full of mud and smell.
Enough to kill fish—
—————————————————————
There is a proverb in Indonesian “ada udang di balik batu” literally “there are shrimps behind the rocks” that means there is a hidden (fishy) agenda.
I’ve received some invites from “unclear” people in Instagram, most are men that I believe scammers trying to lure a victim whatever they are aiming at from me; maybe as simple as attention or most probably money. And how did I feel? Disturbed? Not at all. Scammers are equivalent with friends with hidden (fishy) agenda— they are sources of entertainment either directly connected or just ignored.
God bless you all scammers. You’ll find a way to get a big money with your work, plus the logical consequences but not from me.
May all beings be happy.
rike jokanan 
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