Marble cake, my Love Calls me to sweeten my days With sugar and scent.
marble cake is one favourite of mine; it’s sweet that never fails to make me smile anytime I bite from every slice of it
me is about meaning and my marble cake is not excluded
like marble, it’s layered of taste, chocolate, vanilla, butter, crisp, moist & fluf exactly like memories of my life that is always full of love
once my readers asked me love will bore you and stop you from singing; I said no as my love isn’t about what’s outside, it’s about what’s skin, flesh, bones and marrow, it’s about muscle and about memories– the whole concept and its compliance altogether that will never fade away through known dimension
and love isn’t about someone else other than me, it’s about how layers of truth are formed with all the falling in love and broken heart in life, even the thinnest love & the slightest broken heart
have you ever seen an orchid shows its bud? that’s a thinnest falling in love
have you ever waited a taxi then suddenly the driver cancelled the order? that’s a slghtest broken heart
I’ve been falling in love to someone that’s so special: that’s a thickest love and losing someone that I’ve loved the most: that’s the biggest broken heart
and those in the middle, a lot
yes, my life is like marble and also marble cake, layered with tastes
This song never seems old to me although I’m getting older everyday. It speaks to my heart as if telling me “never give up, love is what’s molding you & you know love prevails no matter what”.
to some this song brings romantic vibe; to me this song is loaded with strength & love at the same time – I can listen to this song repeatedly non stop until I fall asleep in a normal night while I’m writing or drawing or reading, now especially when imagining my mother’s face is my sweet moment after work
life is not always easy as it is not always tough to me yet sometimes life seems so fragile with social interaction that doesn’t go as expected; truly my mother’s passing has given me a new normal within me
then? life is like a pond to me, still when fish are sleeping and rippling when fish are dancing
if I am at my 50’s feels so much hollow in one part of my heart, I can’t imagine how children would feel & react when left by their mothers
dear Life, please truly let love prevail in the heart of those having little hope or little food so in the lowest point they still can feel loved within
I stumbled upon this video in YouTube, my favourite online platform: How to Find a Spouse & Keep…. No, it’s not about that I’m religious. If the question is if I’m religious, the answer is never yes. My thinking is any idea, the responsible & fair one, coming from any faith on earth.
So the female Muslim scholar gave some advices & enlightment about marriage for women in 40’s (& above). Dr Haifa Younis calmly touched this heart & strengthened what I’ve thought about for so long. Marriage–
No, I’m not talking about the content only (marriage at 49’s or above). Connecting it to Probablity Theory in ‘ath seems more interesting to me.
If probability theory is about which ball of specific colour I will get if I blindly take one ball from a bag of hundreds or thousands or even millions of balls of different colours; life is about the bag with so many balls of colours (probabilities) decided for me based on my preparation & luck! While I can have my best preps, I still pray for the luck to take sides of me– and what colour granted to me is a combination of my preps & nature’s luck.
And yet that’s also not the point I see in the Mathematics probability. The most important thing of probability in life (to me) is about taking the bag as a whole without throwing away any balls within– any colours stay, fully accepted as the bag is handed to me. Any balls are welcomed guests to me; none is rejected when the ball is assigned for me. And that’s what I think about all probabilities in life incl but not limited to marriage.
There was time when I said no to marriage simply because of experiencing bitter & irresponsible rejection from a man back then. Yet after moving to Singapore and meeting sooo many mature & open-minded heads, I changed my mind. I became open to marriage, well preparing everyday through learning how to be a female human being and hoping for the best without pushing hard.
Preps & Luck!
If the ball is dropped for me, it is deliberately & lovingly welcome. Yet I don’t want to hurt my life to get the ball rolling.
Let life take care of it.
Probability theory in Math helps me much to accept life as it is.
Life is lighter with acceptance and a shade of letting go.
it's where two sweet hearts meeting in a quiet meadow to sing together
(haiku about an ideal marriage of mine)
When I was a high schooler I wanted to get married at 25. At 35 broken-hearted decided to be single forever; at 45 re-opened myself to any possibility–
While in my culture talking about romance or wishing to get married at my age is considered a shame, I proceed. I’m a human being— if they do, why not me? I’m so comfortable to say this even thinking it out loud in front of family and friends; and they were the one sometimes would feel less comfortable and tell me to be calm.
I’m calm and not in a hurry chasing anyone. I”m just so relaxed. I’m accepting the fact that wanting something will not affect my state of being thankful-to-be-me if what’s wanted doesn’t happen. At this point my thought is if I’m getting married, I’m happy getting married. If I’m not, I am happy not getting married.
Last Monday I watched a podcast in which Raline Shah was interviewed by Dave Hendrik & Iwet Ramadhan (my favourite duo the DVET) in YouTube. She highlighted what I’ve thought about for so long in life (maybe also what’s been thought about by many female single around me).
And these are some loved statements of hers shareable to you all:
“I want us to still get married but I want to have faith that even if I have this job also be with you. So sometimes this independence creates insecurity in the man I date…”
It was about her stance on her own dream and the man she dated who wanted her to be just a wife instead of a woman with career.
“I would love to compromise my life. I would love to compromise my dreams because getting married is also another dream but I just don’t feel that in your natural state, does that person love you? …. They don’t really like you, they’re just in love with you.”
It was when she was asked if she would compromise her dream for marriage. This is truly a beautiful statement.
“Just be yourself para jomblo. Do what you like, …. And see who likes you for that version of you.”
Yes, being one’s self is a must. Oscar Wilde said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken“.
I hope all single people especially ladies in my culture (or other culture resembling mine) decide to get married or not because of their own choice, not because of no choice. It sounds utopic but it is what it is.
Universal is real, As real as the Universe. Yet how real is real? As real as how she perceives Reality in her universe. Real is about boundary of her thougt. Universal is about boundary of her reality. Expand humbly, dear self.
i don’t give up my ID as a Javanese nor Muslim but i’ve given up the way being a Javanese or Muslim is defined by public
Forgiveness, my love Blooms among showers of love Coming out of love.
I became very upset yesterday after listening to some statements that in my perspective was sarcastic and on the contrary to what I personally saw. Most people laughed though.
Then what came across my mind was that person was trying to tell me secretly through a “townhall” that I was not the chosen one. It is normal to be excluded or canceled or rejected/ but should be with dignity not giving silent treatment; and with consistent treatment not “saying this here, giving hidden messages there”– personal or professional, that is not a right way to treat people.
My day was so ruined. What made it worse was a heavy rain came unpredictably that I had to travel longer from Johor to Singapore because of traffic growing jammed in both countries’ immigration gates.
But then I talked to myself last night. What is so special about me that I should be the chosen one? Why not accepting what was securely? Why was so upset to statements that might have been intended to tell me the truth? Hurting truth is better than late one, right? Or what about if that was just a way to tell jokes?
It took me long to re-digest the why: I was using the 5-Why method to trace back possible root causes with no result.
Out of the blue an iMessage with a beautiful song came from a Coldplay lover saying that it was sent to me because the song reminded that person of me. Wow! What a coincidence! Exactly when the iMessage came, I was playing exactly the same song sent to me.
And that the song reminded that person of me must have had a reason: maybe the quality of either the music or lyrics of the song is so me? 🥹
Why this song? Maybe the song vibe represents my “feeling good and like falling in love all the time”. Hmm…. This must be something.
I opened the Holy Book randomly and got another good vibe; a verse started with a sentence: “hold to forgiveness”.
What a stroke of good colours has been thrown to me!
Ok, my day!
I will do all my laundry and house cleaning chores today, cook my breakfast and eat it happily, then go to sleep like a log tonight then tomorrow I will walk 5 kilometers in the morning or go biking 11 kilometers in the afternoon.
Yosh❣️
Thank you, Gusti Allah….
I forgive myself. I forgive others. I forgive myself for letting my mind be filled with negativity about myself and others. I forgive others who have been so out of context or being ignorant.
What song sent by that Coldplay heavy lover? Here it is.
thank you, KM-san! i think you’re right that i deserve to be a heart full of love and a person spreading good feelings
i don’t want to give up; i’ve worked hard to shape a loving heart up to this level — will never let go of my true self
I see trees of green Red roses too I see them bloom For me and you And I think to myself What a wonderful world
I see skies of blue And clouds of white The bright blessed day The dark sacred night And I think to myself What a wonderful world
The colors of the rainbow So pretty in the sky Are also on the faces Of people going by I see friends shaking hands Saying, "How do you do?" They're really saying I love you
I hear babies cry I watch them grow They'll learn much more Than I'll ever know And I think to myself What a wonderful world Yes, I think to myself What a wonderful world Ooh, yes
There are times when I just want to be home, doing things that do not look outstanding in the eyes of the world but feel the world to this tiny heart.
Maybe one week is good enough…. When when….
….makan gudheg saja trus nyiram tanaman saja trus minum teh saja trus ndolani tetangga saja trus makan pisang goreng saja trus leyeh-leyeh saja trus baca buku saja trus begitu-begitu saja eh trus keliling jalan malioboro saja — oh so many saja that can make life just like that 💕
Today’s dvetsiaranpagi episode is so far the most heavily belly-shaking (to me) esp. on the scout experience & the proverb “bagai pungguk merindukan bulan” parts. Downloaded, rewatched at lunch break and will be rewatched for my rest–
I am not a fan of Cinderella story as no pure love is found at the stairs of a palace…. 😂 but I love this song, I can listen to this song this whole night.
Thanks God for giving an ever space in this heart to always move forward no matter what. Life is about defining and redefining a self through dreams, plans, actions and evaluations with love and compassion.
Almost birthday and I already feel so much love from my family and close friends.
Thank you….
❣️
Mm Mm So this is love Mm So this is love So this is what makes life divine I'm all aglow, mm And now I know (and now I know) The key to all heaven is mine My heart has wings, mm And I can fly I'll touch every star in the sky So this is the miracle That I've been dreaming of Mm Mm So this is love
Lucky, Beloved- A path cleared to be walked on With warm heart and smile.
i received a bunch of luck today: in the same flight with a colleague (sorry, i didn’t check iCal, buddy), given a room whose number is ended with 88 which is lucky number in Vietnamese culture, finding this song again after some time
hopefully i am lucky enough with all my preps to complete the work well
luck is simply small things to be humbly acknowledged
hello, Hanoi; you’ve been kind to me, i’ll be kinder to you
Start each morning, Love With ready ears to listen, Heart blessed with shared joy--
DVET Siaran Pagi in TikTok
one sample of rebroadcast that i randomly watched 🌶️
I feel like talking about my excitement that makes my morning brighter. There is a morning show (in Indonesian only) in TikTok labeled DVET Siaran Pagi.
There are two announcers in the morning show. And they have made my days with the show although I mostly watch its rebroadcast through YouTube in the evening; I can listen to them live when commuting or when working from remote and no meeting starts early.
I started listening to this show in early July through YouTube as a random algorithm result (justpopped up like that) while the show has been there since 2023, so I kind of not know what topics have been covered before. Yet it doesn’t matter, I don’t need to flash back to enjoy their hilarious friendly talk.
What topics so attract me?
Any random topic in life. It is just like when radio show was happening (when I was young — gosh!) the announcers talked about anything s/he liked or experienced or breaking news in town/country (sometimes alone, sometimes more than one announcer at the same time) and played some song playlist that was planned or sometimes requested by the listeners.
These two announcers in the DVET Siaran Pagi act like they are video calling and talking about their day like two friends — you can hear laughter, slangs, swearing. Simply like we are eavesdropping on two friends. 😝
Anyway I think they are truly friends in life.
Who are they?
One streamer is Dave Hendrik, a previously radio announcer is now a prominent MC in Indonesia — his name has been one of very few celebs that I adored because of his originality and confidence.
When sexual orientation or identity was still a rare topic to touch, he was already himself — even as a straight I respect his openness as he is not the one forcing others to follow his choice.
I also love how he treats his niece and nephew (at least that’s what I see in his Instagram) actually he’s inspired me to do the same thing to mine — thank you, Dave.
The way Dave expresses himself is sometimes “random” that I have no choice but laughing or exclaiming “what?!” or “huhhh?!”While talking smart he can suddenly produce wrong pronunciation, wrong naming, slip of the tongues and the like. Hilarious!
Wishing Dave a good life for making my days. If I meet him in Jakarta someday, I will give him a bar of Toblerone. ☺️
The other announcer is Iwet Ramadhan. He was also a radio announcer back then; he is now a business leader.
Among his works that I know his batik documentaries in YouTube should have been one biggest contribution to Indonesia culture & that he has a batik-based business to support “mothers working at home” in Jakarta has made him a decent man to respect. I hope he continues the culture-based activities and gets bigger success. 😍
I so much like him 💕 for his intelligence, laughter and a vibe that I can’t explain (maybe maturity and confidence?) — and so he becomes special to me. Not surprising: a male celeb must have many female eyes on him.
There is one song he mentioned (Daur Hidup by Donne Maula) and now it becomes my cooking or gardening soundtrack. Thank you!
Wishing him a good life, too and….
…. If meeting him in person in Singapore someday, I will treat him ice cream as much as he likes in Orchard Road 😂💕
note #1: both of them once were hosts of gossip shows that I didn’t enjoy 🙃 They’ve changed the way they discuss things – quite objective and balanced at least in the show 😁 Salute to you, both!
note #2: I created TikTok account only to watch this show
note #3: in this era human beings do not have to meet in person to support each other; just do something online and here you go!
Spirituality-- What is it, Dearest? She talks to all sides of walls, ceilings and floors. They talk no word, just a long hum enticing her to stop thinking; Leaving her no choice but a weekend laundry. Spirituality, Dearest Is her life with Its ups and downs, Its ins and outs. Her strong wills and deteriorating muscles--
—
a short spiritual interview in my laundry weekend — thank you!
This is a powerful song that always hits me at the core when I am complaining about what is not up to my expectation in life.
matur nuwun, Mbah Tejo for this powerful reminder about life
The poetic composition with “urip” (life in Javanese) and the “utang rasa” (owing the feel) reminds me that life is about crediting the feels we debit from others.
Life is about experiencing the feels whether it is giving, borrowing, owing or paying. What feels do we want to give? What feels do we want to borrow? What feels are we willing to owe? What feels do we need to pay for balance? Up to us.
When someone passes away, s/he will be remembered of what feels s/he has left in life whether what’s credited or debited.
Sometimes I talk to myself: what feel do you want to pay that you are so bitter to life?
Dear, Self. I am sorry. I’ve owed you so much negativity that I have nothing to pay but positivity.
One thing: I don’t want to have zero as zero will put flat tone in my humanity. I want to have more saved than deducted. Yet…. I cannot 100% be sure.
rike jokanan 
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