Category: This Person

Home, Dear Home

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
Dear Home,
Welcome me
With your warm heart
That beats with love,
And trust.

Do you know how I miss
You?
Your walls with my paintings,
Your ceiling with the down light,
Your floor with shine after vacuum,
Your roof after washed by rain,
Your fragrance that is me.

How are you?
Are you as spacious as before installed with furniture?
I won't add more.
Are you serene after some music played?
I won't play more.
Are you bright after curtain hung?
I won't put those too thick.
I hope you're still a home
Even after I come.
Even I hope you become more homey
After that.

Please know
I only wanted those loving to be here
But then that's not fair.
So you'll see bad people around,
I promise that won't be long and make sure one will only visit once,
And only very few.
Vibe clear!
So only those with clarity want to stay long.

Please know
I want fireflies to be around at night
So you'll be pretty with the tiny bright dots blinking cheerfully.

Please know, dear
Home
That you are built now
By this wandering self
With a loving hope
To meet
You
Very soon.

Dear,
Home.

listening to this song this whole day; yes I can do it to any song that builds a good mood

Sal Priadi’s songs sound like romantic mantra to me especially this one

The strength is his lyrics: simple yet poetic

Lyrics

Kita usahakan rumah itu
Dari depan akan tampak sederhana
Tapi kebunnya luas
Tanamannya mewah, megah

Kita usahakan rumah itu
Dari depan akan tampak sederhana
Tapi dibuat kuat
Dirancang muat, lega

Urusan perabotan dan wangi-wangian
Kuserahkan pada s’leramu yang lebih maju
Tapi tata ruang, aku ikut pertimbangkan
Kar’na kalau nanti kita punya kesibukan

Malam tetap kumpul di meja panjang
Ruang makan kita
Berbincang tentang hari yang panjang

Kita usahakan rumah itu
Dari depan akan tampak sederhana
Tapi penerangannya
Diracik begitu romantis

Urusan perabotan dan wangi-wangian
Kuserahkan pada s’leramu yang lebih maju
Tapi tata ruang, aku ikut pertimbangkan
Kar’na kalau nanti kita punya kesibukan

Malam tetap kumpul di meja panjang
Ruang makan kita
Berbincang tentang hari yang panjang

Boleh kamu keliling dunia
Dan temukan banyak tempat-tempat ‘tuk singgah
Sementara

Kamu boleh namai itu rumah
Selama ada m’reka yang kamu cinta
Di dalamnya

Kita usahakan rumah itu

Breathing

Learning, Poetic, This Person
.
Breathing is about circulating CO2 and O2 scientifically. Breathing is about welcome and sayonara mentally. Breathing is about the rhythms and rhymes chosen by one to sing the life path. Breathing is about slowing down and racing on the chosen way.

Which one have I chosen?

My breathing is a center that I'll go back in any daily situation. When happy, I'll go check my breathing. When angry, I'll do the same. When calm, I can feel my breathing slow and soft. When this and when that, I won't let myself depart without managing my breathing. How much fast or slow the breathing is, I will make it calm and long.

My breathing is my anchor that I should release or retrieve based on need.

Dear, Breath.
Never leave me behind, or
Let me walk ahead.
We should travel side by side.

Mother to Child

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Dear, Child.
Look at the stars
Blinking their signs;
The shooting star
Burning their directions;
The glowing sky
Telling their histories.

Dear, Child.
Listen to the old songs.
See the old galaxies.
Touch the swirling dusts.
Taste the sweetness of comets.
Smell the expanding universe.
All no limit
But your definition.

Hug me
As we travel.
Trust me
As we wander.
Like I hug
You,
Like I trust
You.

Dear Child.

body and soul is like a female and a male in a marriage as discussed in classes of spirituality

in Javanese tradition body is symbolizing the female that is also the earth — accepting, submissive and intuitive; while soul is symbolizing the male that is also the heaven — giving, powerful and guiding

yet to me it’s not always that way; to me yes body and soul is like a mother and a child — the mother holding an infant (can be a girl or a boy) in a state that the mother is making sure the child is purely happy

I personally believe as long as the soul remains childlike, the body is not suffering — accepting what is is the key

about this life I sometimes don’t want to define as definition is a limit

and so I don’t force my understanding to anyone even to those I love the most because spiritual experience is very personal, cannot be forced, can only be synchronised through mutual journey

that’s why spiritual journey is called silent path; even when we’re in the same discussion room, the expansion of understanding might be different from one another

let’s accept our own silent path with no judgment

âĢïļ

Notes: it’s my personal thought, doesn’t mean to influence anyone, a ranting of a life traveler

Look

Learning, Poetic, This Person
How do I look, Love
Before the mirror of heart
Talking honesty.

Who doesn’t want to look young or beautiful at the longest time? Looking young and beautiful is one of the best feelings in life. But how far can human beings stretch themselves to stay young?

Today I bumped into a movie in the flight from Hanoi to Singapore: The Substance in which a woman (played by Demi Moore) is struggling of being not wanted in the industry because of not looking as young anymore. The horror of doing so much to stay young gave me a wake-up call that liking it or not, I who looks younger than her age will definitely age and weaken through time.

How long can I stay young naturally?

I won’t look young all the time especially as I decided to not do expensive facial and body treatment. Factually that’s very not necessary (for me).

Truly at 65 this body is weak and can’t work as now. By then I hope that I can appropriately function as a wise soul staying in a relatively healthy body that does light works everyday until time kindly escorts me to the next gate of life.

Dear, Life.

Thank you for taking care of me.

Please always guide me to stay in the path of human being in the making as long as time allows. I might not get everything grandiose but I don’t want to lose anything precious.

Please give me big heart enough to always experience joy through all senses and to share it everyday.

Happy weekendâĢïļ

Sweet Dreams

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
All dreams should be sweet.
They should leave beautiful trails
To be well followed.

living with acceptance is a dream

and I’ve achieved it to some extent; I’ve learnt letting go each and every day

and now I want to enjoy my life with someone who has the same project with mine: to live loving & forgiving, to die loved & forgiven

because to me that’s the only way to live happily

Love

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
What's love, Beloved?
It's what she does and becomes.
As red as ruby--

I love jewelry; these are a set of ruby I bought in Scott Market in Yangon, Myanmar in 2018

so many gemstones made my eyes wildly browsed all possibly affordable ones

i bought sapphire, ruby, jade and amber that have become my precious entertainer cum advisor when I’m lost.

gemstone is not only beautiful but also symbols of wisdom and beauty

Thank youâĢïļ

Blue

Learning, Poetic, This Person
What's blue, Beloved?
Tranquility. Sky and sea
As calm as can be--

painted my nails blue to keep my spirit on and on and on

it doesn’t matter if people say I just look wise but actually unwise — I’m not wise indeed ☚ïļ

I only say what’s aligned between my head and heart and even my belly

☚ïļ

Kitchen Calls

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
Kitchen calls, my love
Those in love with life and taste
And the folks in heart.

today’s ifthar with so much love

we call it bothok not the Botox injection — it’s tempeh, anchovy in grated coconut + santan wrapped by my hands in banana leaves 😍

sayur asem (sour soup) normally the sourness is from tamarind but today I used buah kedondong peel

Japanese cracker that I love always

still the Bac Ninh oranges

kedondong

Dear Heart

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
Dear
Heart
That
Softens,
Love me
Also
Let me go.

loving others is easier than loving one’s self; after that letting go others is easier than letting go one’s self

I’m letting go all.

💗

Loved? Fulfilled?

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
Stacking oranges
Shine on a fruit container.
Loved fruits to fulfill

Love has many languages: more than 5  to express it. Fulfilment has only 1: getting/giving what’s wanted.

Fulfilment can be the feeling of getting attention, receiving compliment, passing a test, making a relationship, owning a dream house, invited to important events, getting this or having that.

But love…. I still feel my father’s love although he passed away > 20 years ago. I feel my mother’s love although she lives far away. I still feel my siblings’ love although we don’t talk with each other everyday. It’s the time & moments we’ve cherished . It’s smiles & jokes when gathering in our small dining room. It’s their hi through WhatsApp asking where I am & telling me to be well. It’s the reconciliation after small fights. It’s the blood that I can’t unflow from this body. It’s the karma to serve in the same family. The prayers that I know sent through whisper & breath every time we remember each other. My best friends are included, too.

I constantly need love; without love I will lose hope & die in despair. It stays in the heart & soul, fueling the journey of human being in the making. No expiry date for love: beyond time & space.

I need fulfilment in certain timelines. No big house forever. Not much money forever. No jewelry forever. I won’t need this body forever. The best limit for fulfilment is “in moderation”, “enough” & yes it’s based on my own evaluation.

I claim this shallow mind about love & fulfilment. I’m learning.

Thank you.

Note: This might not work for you. Find your own life treasure within. 

💗

Transactional

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person
I buy your voice with hearing.
I buy your look with sight.
I buy your scent with smelling.
Some I buy with touch and taste.
I buy, never take anything from you for free.
Now you agree senses are currency, no?

A voice screams in whisper:
From whom do you get the senses?

She's in a daze
Again and again,
Failed in transaction
Against
You.

The Way I See You

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
My perspective about you might change all the time.

It might be about in which angle I stand when looking at you, or
How far I distance my sight when observing you, or
How full circle I go around you to see all sides, or
How long I stay in one corner speechless enjoying the daisy, or
How critical I pull all the dots of you looking imperfect in these eyes until I find it's the lenses impaired that I can't see your beaut so see-through, or
Simply how I accept how you describe you....

I always want the last as I want you to tell me about you.
But you know, sometimes I don't trust you....

Let me trust you.

all is true in its own position – layers of truth apply to human beings’ journey; clarity is truly important to make the right decision, belief is important to stay in the chosen lane

Loaded

Learning, Poetic, This Person
I'm loaded
With burdens
That are not on my body.
The suffering borne
By others
Has leak in
To this porous heart.

Let me be
In rest, Beloved
In the flow of
My slow life
That doesn't chase what I used to chase,
That doesn't crave what I used to crave,
That embraces the acceptance of what is,
That sits alone in room with
You.

how can I not care to those sick, hungry and sad around me who seek help from me? I’ve cried and maybe it is time to stop for a while

just for a while, Beloved

just for a while

before I walk again in this narrow path with grass and daisies around

to where my love suits her scent

let me rest for a while

before it’s time to be your loving hands again for a longer while

thank you….

âĢïļ

This Light Heart

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person

Let there be light.
Let there be light.
Light in heart.
Light of heart.
Light around heart.
Light through heart.
Light borrowed.
Light lent.
Light along this journey.
Light journey.
Light heart.

this heart feels the lightest when I’m riding my bike, exploring the greenery around the neighborhood

rain, I love you but please pause on just one day so I can either visit the water lilies in the river or tropical flowers in the paths around the reservoir

💛

Accepted

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
There is a dot
Where a circle is closed.
That is, Beloved
Where I accept
That
However I look won't be good,
Whatever I say won't be right,
To
You.

This heart is a collection of
Tiny circles closing every time
Lesson is learnt.

And so,
Let me close one
For a while
To fully accept
Its breakage.

Let me celebrate this tiny hope
At the edge of this grandiose world
Where only power seems matter.

no, I don’t want to lose hope to have a better world even if that whom I love the most thinks this idea is a nonsense

keep loving, dear heart, even if the sun is an inch over this head

💙

About A Magic

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
This love, Beloved,
Blooms to shine within and out.
Don't discriminate.

how deed is your love?

I love. Yes I do love….

…. but very rarely romantically up to this age (4 times).

Among the rare romantic love, what was the most magical?

It was when I fell in love with a (maybe) gay man.

Don’t judge me; I didn’t know he was a gay. Don’t judge him; it was his choice.

Love is love. It is still worth appreciating. I respect everyone’s choice of life including one’s sexual orientation & gender identity (some of my friends & colleagues are in that group) but I am not a person to be in a romantic relationship with LGBTQ no matter what.

Thank you, Love for the experience. I’m lucky to have a big heart. I believe my heart is even now deeper and more spacious with the magic that has happened to me.

Alhamdulillah.

😊

âĢïļ

Journey

Learning, Poetic, This Person
Journey, Beloved,
To the line where I started,
Timed with acceptance--

some people think when an effort doesn’t result in what is targetted, it means a loss — to me it is not a loss, it is a lesson learnt not to do better to win but to know how to let go more immediately, gracefully with less pain

no, not all can do that earlier — some people are just loving to compete against anyone in their journey not knowing it is a silent journey, they think any lane with others present is called a race

no, not all can do that earlier — some people think they are much more superior that can consider themselves excel in everything not knowing that they silently are left behind by many authentically much better in most aspects of life

”m sure everyone will be able to do it when the time is coming

it doesn’t matter, we’re all children of life

☚ïļ

Note: negating, denying, ignoring: patterns that slow down maturity process

Dwellers

Learning, Map It!, This Person
Dwellers, Beloved
We are in this space, searching
What's known yet unknown;
Or, what's unknown in fact known
By a searcher who's been searched.

love is in the center of my searching in which I’ve been dwelling in this space with the sun, the moon and the stars

I’ve been searching myself who’s sitting patiently, radiantly knowing that I am longed for by the lover

thank you for the love that you’ve given to me through all those around me: human beings, non humane things and those unseen but sensed, and those unseen and not sensed

About Believing (ranting)

Learning, love, This Person
Doubt and trust, my love,
Between which I wait for you
To sing a love song.

While knowing makes me clearly decide what to do, believing keeps me walking even when it’s pitch black or blinding bright.

Believing is not about taking something with evidences. Believing is taking things for granted as there is no choice while I should keep on. As long as evidence is not yet well presented, it’s believing, not knowing.

What do I believe most in life? That there is only one able to help me, the one I often call beloved, my love, dear love, you. Yet I’m shaken now & then by what’s called doubt. Doubt moves the graphic of trust up & down which is normal as said by a master “the faith is up & down”.

In uncertainty, do I still believe of salvation? Yes, I believe in salvation as I don’t know if it is happening or not. At the same time I make space for doubt so I’m humanely questioning myself whether I’m doing well in clarifying the ways. There’s something I miss when in doubt & the space in which I miss always gives me hope, a feel of falling in love with something that I believe will drop wisdom to the heart.

How beautiful the collaboration of belief & doubt is! It ignites love. Love is an eternal flame that sparkles dancing depending on how trust & doubt tango. Without the existence of both, love will look like a marble slab: cold, hard, mute; while a flame: warm, soft, dynamic.

I know in order to keep love & wisdom rekindling as long as I live, I’ve got to believe in the one I often call beloved, my love, dear love or you that sometimes resides so deep in Him or Me.

What a rant!

at that age (below 30) I believed that all were good with lil doubt and as a result I was cheated, lied to but at the same time I gained kindness, endurance and silence

now? kindness, carefree, clarity as these 3 are most needed to live a human being’s life lightly and genuinely

my formula, not applied to all

keep believing that love prevails

😊

If

Learning, This Person
If and if, dear love
The silence breaks, I will fly
With true adventure.

if I am to choose an animal to be my daemon, I’ll always choose a cat

I don’t know why; I used to live with a cat in my small home in Indonesia before moving to Singapore, as my job was 75% traveling, I could not bring Bob with me and so my mother took care of him — one year later, he died

I still want a cat some day 💕

if I am to choose what animal I’m to be, it would not be a cat though

maybe dolphin so I can live in the depth of water while playfully jump to the air

me with a plastic of water — when I was a girl, I loved playing with water so much; almost everyday I put water in a plastic bag and pinched the surface so the plastic became spiky

this lil girl is my home, my sanctuary

Eyes Closed

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
Eyes closed, Beloved
Blind her for love far away.
Tell her to go home.

today I’m called to go back home to my own heart full of love — love is blind taking me too far away from where I should be

I always think love is beautiful even when it’s so preoccupied with one object so alien for me, that way love lovingly and softly wakes me up after some time “Rike, time to go home, this might be someone else’s place, not yours”

with unsteady steps I had to accept that all the info is confirmed that I need to go home

to where I should be:

my dear heart full of love singing truly about who I am and who will be my home outside my own home

let me take care of this loving heart and calmly step on the love path, truly, genuinely, naturally….

keep singing love, dear self; there is nothing more beautiful than being natural, genuine, kind and true

keep loving

keep loving

keep loving

Love

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
I love you, Beloved.
And, you don't have to love me.
It's never a transaction
That's tangible.
Loves, even not repaid,
Is energy
That nurtures life growth
Through silent rejection or
Respectful reciprocity.

How beautiful love is,
Never lost
Only found.

love is (always) in the air

4 Elements In Me

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
I'm water, my love
Living with the soil and air
Burnt by this blue fire.

To me clarity is more important than belief. With belief I might grab in the dark, to some level of darkness I might be frantically euphoric or falling into abyss of confusion. With clarity I can appropriately choose what I need to do & when further blessed, to do it appropriately.

Clarity is gained through many ways, as many as the heart in life. I myself like to think I clarify myself about myself based on how 4 nature elements (water, air, soil & fire) purify themselves.

There are few ways to gain clarity/purity in each but I’d like to talk about one for each.

Water naturally flows to clean itself; flowing to filter what’s in through its movement against all odds (stones, holes, debris, etc). By filtering for clarity it means I need to pass by at the same time to let go a lot of things in life to be clear (& clean). Like river, I receive materials from various sources that possibly contain unnecessary or unfavourable matters & I need to choose which to stay & which to get rid of. Flowing is leaving some behind & taking necessary some ahead. I’ve let go a lot of memories & people.

Air circulates what’s in. By circulating for clarity it means I should not stop sharing. The more I share (material, knowledge, vibes, etc), the more I find clarity in life. Like air, this person needs to vent, too. I tell stories, write, rant, talk, argue, discuss to verify information accuracy.

Soil decomposes what’s in. It breaks things into minuscule or even atomic pieces & blend all in one environment. Like soil, I don’t mind dealing with rotten and/or damaged things (ideas, gossips, accusation, prejudice, etc). Sometimes I swallow the worst leftover. Rubbish can turn to gold! Is it possible artist here? (Not the artist in Bahasa Indonesia’s artis, it is the seniman)

Fire heats to purify itself. Like blue fire I sometimes feel of having the most life energy (oxygen) & the motivation (high temperature). I clarify by motivating myself & others. I often don’t need external voice to motivate myself. I can be rather stubborn against change: sometimes only my will can change my ways. Learning from own mistakes is good: getting burnt 😁

Clarification leaves waste (emotions) so I need to deal with it by treating them well.

Note: 

  • I’m more water than fire. I’m more soil than than air. I’m more air than fire. I’m more water than soil. 😊
  • This idea is original but murky; might not work for you. Find your own way to be clear about yourself.

Garden In My Heart

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
I've grown flowers and big trees
In my heart.
There's a pond with small fish playful and harmless;
Water lilies and lotuses dancing and entertaining.
You send breeze, she sings happily.
You send rain, she drinks sufficiently.
You send storm, she cries sadly.
You send snow, she freezes deadly.
Whatever you send, she feels blessed abundantly, so much loved.

This morning she said to me that
If you send yourself, she'll live forever.

pond near the dining room in D’Omah Jogja — breakfast feels slow with the waiters’ giving us more time to choose the ala carte menu, and meaningful with the long waiting time that diners can have more time to calmly chat in the morning

Hening

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person
Pernahkah kau diam
Dari hari-harimu yang bising,
Yang terus ambil kendali,
Yang terus mau terdahulu,
Yang melucuti pejalan sunyi,
Yang membuat hati lain tenggelam,
Yang mencabuti akar harapan,
Yang mengeringkan daun semi,
Yang perlahan dijauhi kelembutan diri?

Diamlah
Sampai hening.
Diamlah
Sampai ramai pun jadi hening.
Sehari tiada cukup.
Seminggu terlalu pendek.
Sebulan belum berarti.
Setahun baru kau buka pintu terluar.
Semuda usiamu,
Setua leluhur terdahulumu.

Diam
Hening

apa artinya waktumu tanpa hening? hanya bunyi tik-tik atau tik-tok — hanya suara dalam konteks tanpa makna yang benar-benar membangunkan dirimu sendiri

âĢïļ

Life Is Just Like That

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person
Life is just like that.
It is round, square, triangle
Seen from three angles.

Life is just like that.
Like what?
Like what I’ve never thought but I can handle it by letting go.
I thank Gusti Allah for making me a human being so I can experience being human who lives as an ordinary person, maybe less than ordinary ðŸĪ

It is everyday lessons come and go. Some challenging, some lighter. Some are leveled up or completed, in fact some are repeated. Repetition of lessons means that a human being fails to accept what is favourable to now here and to let go of what is not favourable for the soiritual journey to achieve clarity about being human. I’m one of this that’s why I learn from all of you. ☚ïļ

As much as I want no repetition of mistakes though I will accept life as it is, still with kindness. Kindness to whom? To myself and to others although being kind to myself might be a delayed kindness to others — it doesn’t matter, it is just about time or perception.

Photo: Yes, I will always be seen half or less than half by those who see themselves partially: either good or evil, not even a sweet arrangement of those two.

Life is just like that. ☚ïļ

Dreams Talk

Learning, Poetic, This Person
Dream asked me
"Do you trust me?"
Why, said I.

"Please do, I need wings to fly."
I stared at her,
Wondering who her wings were.

She didn't say a word. She moved her chin
Toward me.
I am? Asked I, surprised and delighted.

It started drizzling,
Breeze caressed my face.
I soared.

I heard soft voice swirling up
To the sky,
Flying with her smile.

How painful it was for both of us!
One was waiting, the other was not realizing.
How lucky we were to wake up in one morning together.

And we are still having fun,
Sitting in a swing hanging on a giant tree,
Thanking to each other.

dreams are those balancing her constant walks

Loved Love (ranting)

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
Love loves, Beloved
Love loved by a loved lover
To be beloved.

Some of my friends have very strong concern about my love life and so they “take care of it” very seriously. They often check if I go dating, sign up the online dating apps, met anyone in the biz trips, if this, or that.

Normally all answers make them annoyed or laugh as I usually respond to them in light ways. Anything not giving me positive impacts or real things should not be part of a weighed consideration to deeply converse. Let go….

Recently life has given me various brain teasers in past weeks: so much forgetting daily personal things (collecting skincare, collecting my Dyson after repaired, lunch bag, ID badge, etc) and…. (drum rolls) friends checking my love life so often by tagging me in instastory that I mostly ignored, WhatsApping me with love-love questions, direct messaging me in Instagram about love-love things, and so on.

“Are you dating? You seem so radiant. I know your romantic words are for someone not for your Beloved. Tell me.” Said one of them.

Woohoo! Will never tell…. ðŸĪŠ None of anyone in the world should know whom I love until it is certain whom I will share life with. They can know I am in love and that’s it. If nothing happens, then it is a secret for the rest of this life. Age has taught me how to deal with safety, security, confidentiality and integrity.

One more friend tagged me in an instastory as if telling me to open my heart and blahblahblah….

Friends make my life fun! I love them with all my heart because I know they just want me to be happy.

Ahhh! I just want to sleep well welcoming Chinese New Year holiday.