Flow

Learning, Poetic, This Person

I am flowing
I flow
I will flow
And won't stop flowing
until I'm united with
You, the sea.
I'm not afraid.
I'm not too brave, either.
I am just a flow flowing.

as long as i flow, i won’t worry; even if i’m alone as long as i keep flowing to

You

When

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

When I feel helpless,
I will recite
Your loveliest verses
And send them as gifts
To those closest to my heart, whose life
Is a dedication to parents with
Love equivalent as what they received at childhood.

I am here, now
And lucky
So I shall share love
How subtle it has been.

Dear, Beloved.
Please accept my hollow heart for
You to fill with love,
And love only
How hard it has been.

i wish my ripples are of love and love only

Nature of A Destroyer

Learning

What will the sun do?
Bring fresh life
Then maybe
Erase the life dry.
Is it nature of a destroyer?

No, Beloved.
It is a nature of paradox:
Sun refreshes, sun dulls.
Love rekindles, love terminates.

i saw this water lily blooming happily under the sun then the following week was swept by the scorching sun that gulped all water in its environment; i thought the sun destroyed the flower but actually pushing the cycle to proceed — paradoxical life

what a relief

💕

Innocent, Evergreen

Learning, life, love, This Person

There's something living forever
Young and energetic
Within,
Resisting to mature up,
Insisting to cheer up,
Refusing to touch up,
Singing down the path
With one old song
About a flowing river
To the sea
Peacefully unstoppable.
My innocent evergreen--

tompi jazzy

calm jazzy

the classic

reminding me of high school when i was so crazy about singing keroncong 😁

my placenta was let flow on a clay jar accompanied by flowers and other Javanese ceremonial items to Bengawan Solo; just its name this river shakes my heart, reminding me to keep flowing

matur sembah nuwun, Bengawan Solo

matur sembah nuwun, Pak Gesang

Slow & Steady

Learning, Poetic

It' slow and steady,
Snails throw a party with me.
Everyone's happy.

look at how they party: slow and steady, they didn’t stop climbing up the plant but i didn’t see their movement but suddenly one was already up on one leaf — fascinating nature

Voiced Down (Ranting)

Learning

I was just shut down by a comment from a celebrity to my comment to another celebrity in Instagram. 😊

And I learnt my lesson: not all what a person says is true. He is the one keeping saying that everyone has the right to express in good manner. As long as I live I will only comment in bad manner (if being critical to public interests is called bad) when I talk about the governance system and the government. Other than that I would be objectively low key through question or just joking without being sarcastic.

This celebrity stated a sentence as if I was hungry of attention. I just wanted to state my thought! Why didn’t he say that to those commenting more often with hahahaha or emoticon? I might have learnt my lesson that hahahaha and emoticon are more meaningful than what he had said: so what he said was all just lip service so his followers think he is wise and smart and rich and cool…. Maybe.

I should not judge him for just one statement but this one statement alone has contradicted his caring loving character. I cannot judge the other him that I like more for his intelligence but the comment and the comment to my comment is located in the other guy’s account. Sadly so I decided to unfollow both.

I thought a smart man would have asked me a better question. In fact he was just saying a sarcastic question to shut down another human being.

I lost some chunk of respect to that one and lost some chance of big fave to the other one. Life is not only about respecting others and/or loving others; it is also about saving my own self in front of those who do not even know that there is a hidden context and reasons between my comments and why I follow them both.

I don’t know if they both don’t like critical follower like me and so just strategize to kick me out. So, I kicked my own self out to keep my calm ordinary life. This might be just prejudice but I’m ashamed to be highlighted through such sarcasm.

Thank you for your existence, D. Your “funny” question has shut me down. And I accept it.

It might take some time to trust your good genuineness, D. It might take some time to appreciate your words in my mornings as your words might have no true meaning.

I am not angry, I am just feeling humiliated.

I love you. Might take some time to get back to your Instagram — which will give you peace 😂

Flow

Learning, Map It!, This Person

Flow, Beloved
To where love brings
You.
There was a steep rock,
You fell again.
This time it might take longer
To flow calm.
Believe there won't be time dilation
And journey will be just fine.

nothing, it’s just a flowing river enjoying her journey

🤍

Life She Wishes

Learning

Life she wishes is
Simple and easy
Only when earth spins new.
And it does every moment
She accepts each day.
Yet it doesn't at a moment
She looks away.

in which food is harmless and healthful

where compassion and kindness is strength, not weakness

when showing excitement is vulnerably acceptable

where dreaming is guided instead of discouraged

where balancing is an art well appreciated

in which different perspective is part of thinking

where nature is safely kept and befriended

where she can freely kiss the soul

where friendship is about sharing the light in the beautiful dark

where romance is a pair of old souls wrapped in young hearts walking in a genuine fun friendship

where living is here now, not later somewhere else

…. where awareness wakes up due to a light touch of the presence of a soft feather

Bloom Wherever You Are

Learning, Poetic

This flower blooms
In a hottest day,
In a beautiful garden,
In a cold hallway.
It just blooms
No matter what.
Just bloom
And come what may.

my driver dropped me in the wrong gate yesterday and just drove away; he drives very well but doesn’t understand English (yes, he is a driver not a tour guide 😁) yet it was a blessing in disguise: i walked a bit and met these flowers on the way — beauty greets me everywhere when my heart is light

red roses in the hotel courtyard, tantalising colour

a pot of orchid, to the lift

Death

Learning, Poetic

What's death, Beloved?
A gate to a new garden
Where new game's waiting.

Just last week I made a plan to apply for a new MacBook as mine is 5 years old, 2 years longer than the replacement timeline. This MacBook worked wonder but with the heavy work I wanted to make her retire and use a new one.

Most of my friends know I treat some machines in my life as human beings: I give them  names, talk to them, touch them like they are my babies. Although technically I don’t take care or them well: I don’t clean the Mac keyboard regularly, I don’t pump Blue and Red’s tyres regularly, I don’t always dust my luggages before putting them back to the dust bags, etc.

Today my MacBook that I planned to replace with a new one went on strike. It didn’t turn on the whole day. Her turning off really turned me off. I did all steps to turn her on with no result. The host IT guy gave up. Everyone tried all things possible with no result. We did even one silly thing: sunbathing the Mac next to the window, nothing happened.

When time comes with death, no one can prolong any life.

Maybe a coincidence, today one of my cousins passed away. He was such a fun brother to all of us; a wise man who lived his life to the fullest. His nuclear family is lucky to have them, we extended family are, too. Happy journey, Mas❣️ You are blessed so no need to worry. See you again.

thank you for these tough years

Universal Is Real

Learning

Universal is real,
As real as the
Universe.
Yet how real is real?
As real as how she perceives
Reality in her universe.
Real is about boundary of her thougt.
Universal is about boundary of her reality.
Expand humbly, dear self.

i don’t give up my ID as a Javanese nor Muslim but i’ve given up the way being a Javanese or Muslim is defined by public

😎

A Big Wave

Learning, Poetic, This Person

This pool is too calm
A dust can cause a big wave.
Chaotic minutes--

sometimes i behave too strongly at work and don’t want to bring the strength to my personal life

unlike in professional life, in personal life i don’t use complex strategies for my plan and goal, i just do things with kindness with a bit of control to protect myself from being cheated

life might be called chains of transaction but in personal life my trade is trade of kindness, i lend and give with kindness without expecting to be repaid — or else, i will not lend or give; i was cheated a lot but i learnt my lesson yet still the only strategy (if i am forced to admit that i am having strategy) is avoidance strategy — again in personal life

consequently i will feel scared or overwhelmed with someone (that i deal in personal life) showing or demonstrating emotion that i usually apply when negotiating at work: cold, no empathy, poker face, intimidating, arrogant, winning all games and the like

this early morning i experienced one and it affected my whole day — i felt like i wanted to curl; the only thing making me survive the day was that i was working and i needed to keep myself professionally composed

what a heavy day personally today, thanks God my colleagues and business counterparts didn’t pay much attention to my expression except one person asking “today you must be tired walking almost 4 hours, you look pale”

there must be a lesson i need to learn in my personal life

💗

Ripples

Learning, Poetic

My love is ripples,
Humble and calm.
Maybe you want waves,
Pushing and high.
Should I turn these ripples
To waves?
Give me an ocean, not a lake.

ripples on a standing water as waves on the ocean; i might be in a wrong realm

💗

Fragrant

Learning, Poetic

Fragrant, Beloved
Is you when I am breathing.
Do you deny it?

i’ve loved perfume since i was teenager

the range of fragrance i love is wide, i have no definition of what fragrance i prefer or not — i just like it or not like it after sniffing it

Borderless Escapade

Learning, This Person, Those People

Music, Beloved,
A borderless escapade
Of this heart that sings--

sometimes i just want to explode when other people criticise me as if ones had the utmost knowledge to sort which soul goes to hell or heaven

!

life of life…. lucky i have good hearing to let music enter my realm of sound and space

while listening to music, i let music absorb what i can’t tell human beings to or about

dear life, make me someone who listens to music of universe and utters good things even when this heart gets murky as muddy water

💗

Size of Life

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

What size of life do I want?
Any size as long as
It is ordinary:
Where big is not too big,
Small is not too small,
It is just right.

I want an ordinary life
Where my closest know well enough
My love and kindness guards
Me against betrayal.

I want an ordinary life
Where the farthest know well enough
Their hatred and ignorance keeps
Them away from me.

I thank you, my ordinary life
You make blessings extraordinary.

today’s breakfast: a big bowl of konjac noodle soup with chicken breast + carrot + bonito flake, a medium bowl of fruit and a small bowl of rendang — all in the right size….

…. and chocolate, the ordinary that turns my life extraordinary

Vantage Points

Learning, Poetic

Vantage points, dear self
Splitting visions to see things
Comprehensively.

problem solving sometimes best happens when i see things from different perspectives

Jogja Is Dancing On My Eyelids

Learning, Map It!

I will be in Jogja by end of this month, yet her vibe is already occupying me.

Jogja, I’ll be there very soon.

Can’t wait.

But I have to wait.

as long as my home is not ready for safety and comfort to stay, this is my home in Jogja – d’Omah

it is not a luxurious place to stay, it is just a cluster of Javanese traditionally original houses in a village called Tembi in Sewon district

i’ve stayed in some hotels in the city, some resorts in jungle area and think d’Omah is my most affordable home

library that might not have the books i want but it provides some worth reading for other guests

my own home won’t have the luxury of facing the rice field, d’Omah does!

another luxury: a small river in the middle of the property

i enjoy the “noise”, prayer call is one of the best noise on earth other than the voice of the people i love and my favourite music

this is actually a luxury for me, in Singapore i can only hear prayer call in Masjid Sultan

when i am not alone in Jogja, i am accompanied by my best friend Mbak Roh who always wakes up before the morning prayer call so i wake up by her noise instead of by the “noise”

💗

loro blonyo – my home will definitely have one pair 🤍

the evening in d’Omah is mostly quiet and often romantic although i feel the lighting is not sufficient for me to read books

i learnt the lesson so my home will have at least two areas with bright lighting for reading: the study and the kitchen connected to the livingroom

a home is a place where this heart beats calmly and this body moves relaxedly

💗

d’Omah address: Jl. Parangtritis Km 8.5 Tembi, Timbulharjo, Kec. Sewon, Kabupaten Bantul, Daerah Istimewa Yogyakarta 55186, Indonesia

My Best

Learning, Poetic, This Person

My best, Beloved,
Is now here staying with me.
The self loved by me
Never leaves, never betrays.
Born, living, will die with me--

pho-bo for last night’s dinner with extra ngogai leaves is still the best

my host gave me pho-bo on hotpot — not the best, yet pho never fails me in Vietnam

chicken pho with extra ngogai leaves — good but pho is best with beef

The Star

Learning, love, Poetic

Are you the star I point with my finger?
Or are you the one that disappears in a blink of my eye?
Are you the star that will reappear tomorrow night?
Or are you the one that smiles at me then ghosts away?

You are still a star.

which one are you?

Humble Beauty

Learning, love, Poetic

Humble beauty, love
Is found anywhere with eyes
Naked, no glasses.

i saw this

and this

and this

and this

i feel love is just everywhere incl in the wild grass and ordinary tree around me

thank you

Beauty and Majesty

Learning, Poetic, This Person, Those People

Beauty, Majesty
Both in me--
I'm predictable,
I'm throwing surprises,
Both simply reflecting
One whole me.
If you don't want one side,
You won't either get the other.

yin-yang, duality in unity, union in separation, jamal and jalal of asmaul husna, beauty and majesty, masculine and feminine, etc; you name it — it is a perfection in an imperfect human being

what do you expect from a human being but two sides of a coin, beloved?

💗

Joy Is Contagious

Learning, Those People
Joy is contagious
Spreading through fungi,
Growing under the ground,
Connecting stations of interest on earth,
Glowing through memories, hopes and dreams.

if i happened to be in Jogja today, i would have loved to be there too to meet with these announcers whom i listen almost every morning to start my day; their joyful moment was contagious though so even not joining, i could feel the joy!

i wish you health and joy everyday so you can share good things longer and more

💗

Another Year

Learning, love, Those People

Happiest birthday
To my sacred woman,
Mother.
Please always give
Another year
Every year
For us to pay.

i used to have a difficult relationship with my mother, very difficult; whatever i did was just not acceptable — my choice was her rejection, always

one year to reconcile i asked her to go for major pilgrimage with me but she rejected saying that she was too weak to do (even i offerred the shortest period); but she agreed for a minor pilgrimage — it was to me a cauldron of patience test, and i think the same for her; but we both started to know what was the knot in the rope

i never knew how jealous a mother can be to a daughter who is close to her husband until that day when she said to me “your father loved you more than loved me” — i was very close to my father and now i knew why she wondered why; we both know and accept it now

starting that year our relationship was getting easier and easier until 2018 we were in the peak — i was in my third worst argument in my life with her (1st when i refused to marry a man chosen by her, 2nd when she disagreed with my romance that eventually ended)

since then we started to learn gradually that there was a big misconception about mother-daughter relationship

a mother who thinks that her daughter is a possession should let go; a daughter who wants total freedom should slow down — there shall be a middle way where balance is achieved

and it worked; our relationship is getting better and better — we get along very well, we are relaxed in treating each other

do i love it? yes, except that she will contact me every single day to ask me how i am 🤪

happy 80th birthday, Ibu; thank you for being my mother — hope we clean our karma in this life so when we meet again, everything is going smoothly 😘

i love you the way i do you

you know i will never let anyone hurt you

💗