Tag: grateful

Clarity, my love
Is silence that loudly says
About who you are.

some people talk about honesty as if honesty is falling hair of theirs – nothing but waste….

…. not because honesty doesn’t mean anything; yet because they claim being honest but actually lying.

once I thought you were this, and your signs said you were this until all birds then messengers coming saying that you are that….

honesty saves everyone’s time….

1) when honesty is about dishonesty

2) when it is the talking of the walk

3) when it is the walking of the talk

🙃

so clear to me, after meeting a friend yesterday

☺️

Fallen

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

Gravity, my love
Pulls me to Mother Earth's lap
To be just like her.

Weather

Weather is my boat
From one condition
To the next
Until I arrive
At my intended address
Where I greet flowers and fruits
Hanging so close to my hands.

my dream rambutan & starfruit

my dream climbing roses

Start The Day

Start the day, my love
With bright eyes and dancing tongue.
A day to excite--

a bowl of “pempek from Palembang & “sambal ijo” from Padang with a piece of boiled duck leg starting my day

time to clean the house & packing for tomorrow’s exciting trip 😍

A Gift

A gift, Beloved
Breeze bringing a good fragrance
Keeping me with you.

I bought a box of gift for myself – perfume 💗

patchouli is one of my favourite fragrances, it is mostly harvested in Indonesia — there’s a documentary about how patchouli farmers are ‘exploited” for perfume industry

I’m cruelly aware that my liking to scent is making me part of the exploitation. What should I do?

….thinking in awareness & with compassion

If I’m To Be

Learning, love, Map It!

If I’m to be a somewhere,

I’d love to be a flower garden

Where butterflies walk their life cycles;

A river bank

Where dragonflies daydream on the grass tips;

A pond

Where frogs get sleepy on the water lily pads;

A forest edge

Where fireflies breathe peacefully;

A meadow

Where silence and crowd collide;

A space

Where you only live to love.

Locked

It's locked, Beloved.
Hiding from those not wanted,
Enjoying close doors.

I put my Instagram account back to private from being public. I am not a public figure and not selling anything so why should it be in public mode?

Actually when being public, the account started getting random people following me (although I removed them right away). Not those I wish to follow me 😁

WordPress is still the best platform where I can rant about the public policy and service in my country without being questioned “why are you talking about thing you don’t know?” and whisper about my silent journey within.

Needing some time to stay submerged–

wanting my back garden door in this colour 😍 the one between Japanese garden and the back yard

A Reason Enough To Marry

I feel the need to listen to this.

Thank you, Mbak Rani.

Me Married? (cheerful)

it's where two sweet hearts
meeting in a quiet meadow
to sing together

(haiku about an ideal marriage of mine)

When I was a high schooler I wanted to get married at 25. At 35 broken-hearted decided to be single forever; at 45 re-opened myself to any possibility–

While in my culture talking about romance or wishing to get married at my age is considered a shame, I proceed. I’m a human being— if they do, why not me? I’m so comfortable to say this even thinking it out loud in front of family and friends; and they were the one sometimes would feel less comfortable and tell me to be calm.

I’m calm and not in a hurry chasing anyone. I”m just so relaxed. I’m accepting the fact that wanting something will not affect my state of being thankful-to-be-me if what’s wanted doesn’t happen. At this point my thought is if I’m getting married, I’m happy getting married. If I’m not, I am happy not getting married.

Last Monday I watched a podcast in which Raline Shah was interviewed by Dave Hendrik & Iwet Ramadhan (my favourite duo the DVET) in YouTube. She highlighted what I’ve thought about for so long in life (maybe also what’s been thought about by many female single around me).

And these are some loved statements of hers shareable to you all:

“I want us to still get married but I want to have faith that even if I have this job also be with you. So sometimes this independence creates insecurity in the man I date…”

It was about her stance on her own dream and the man she dated who wanted her to be just a wife instead of a woman with career.

“I would love to compromise my life. I would love to compromise my dreams because getting married is also another dream but I just don’t feel that in your natural state, does that person love you? …. They don’t really like you, they’re just in love with you.”

It was when she was asked if she would compromise her dream for marriage. This is truly a beautiful statement.

“Just be yourself para jomblo. Do what you like, …. And see who likes you for that version of you.”

Yes, being one’s self is a must. Oscar Wilde said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken“.

I hope all single people especially ladies in my culture (or other culture resembling mine) decide to get married or not because of their own choice, not because of no choice. It sounds utopic but it is what it is.

Cheerio, dear me!

Note: jomblo: single (not married) person

Iwet Ramadhan, Raline Shah, Dave Hendrik

Island

Learning, love, This Person

The isle, Beloved
Sails inch by inch through calm breeze
Telling me to breathe.

Dewdrops

Learning, Poetic, This Person, Those People

Dewdrops, Beloved
Reflect her face glistening
Welcoming morning.

reflection, mirroring, reciprocity – without it, nothing should proceed as only with two the tango will go, the dance of universe

Duality, Unity, O

Learning, life, love, Map It!, Poetic, This Person

One, two, Beloved,
Numbers to start a journey
To the zero point.

With ageing I am able to feel the surge of high energy I experienced before. With broken heart I’m so thankful that I’ve got love in this heart. With thirst I appreciate how freshness of water cures me. With the stuck in the head I become more and more familiar that flowing is the only way to love. With scarcity I can grow sense of gratitude with even just a little hope in life.

It’s you. Yes, it’s you. None other but you that makes me. None other but you that puts meaning on the word me. None other but you that moves all this life within me.

How can I be feeling so detached….

If you are the one attaching in all my senses?

If you are the one behaving with this corpse?

If you are the one drawing a circle for me to circumambulate until the two dots meet?

If you are the one?

I surrender. I retreat.

You.

Lessons Learnt

Learning, life, This Person

Lessons, Beloved
Learnt! She feels tired and dumb
And just wants to sleep.

I experienced an intense fun last Friday evening. I was about to check in and the machine said it could not find my name and so redirect me to the check-in counter.

Airline staff (AS): Ma’am, you are not at this flight.

Me: But I booked it.

AS: You booked it for another date?

Me: What date?

AS: October 23, 2025

Me: Oh Lord…. How would it be?

AS: (smiling, shrugging)

Me: Are there still seats for the flight?

AS: Please go to that counter and get further info, Ma’am.

Me: (heading to the ticketing counter)

Long story short, I had to buy a new ticket because I had 2 gifts to deliver to 2 people in Jakarta. I had promise to keep.

I bought a new ticket for a much more expensive price than the original one wrongly booked. Lesson learnt? Check, recheck, check, recheck….. Maybe I shouldn’t have had to book a new one. I should have decided to deliver the gifts through my friend; in fact finally I had to deliver the gifts through that friend.

It’s not easy to meet with famous people; it’s either I’m too cheap to meet them, or they are playing hard to get.

Stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid………..stupid enough to call myself a stupid!

Lesson learnt again? I’ve got one round ticket for October to Jakarta. Still stupid!

The Psychology of Stupidity

Learning, This Person

She's stupid, my Love
Following honest heart, then
She needs huge to cure.

Lucky to find this book in Periplus of Soetta Airport T3 – time to get cured from wound of falling by my own stupidity

Thanks for obviously showing my stupidity this weekend. I’ll write the word stupid (tolol in Bahasa Indonesia) 1000 times to ensure I remember I am.

💕

Heart Journey

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person

Your plodding footsteps
Call me to keep this journey
To where sunrise is.

Wherever I go as long as I’m following my honesty, I’m meeting with you.

I’ve tried denying that life is just a matter of birth to death & struggling between those two, but no life is not that indeed — pain is inevitable but suffering is optional so I prefer put always lightheartedness and useful meaning to steps of life.

One day which is today I plant my believe more deeply as I also believe that this tree of life is not only one growing for a while; this tree of life needs strong & stubborn roots to support itself to the end of universe life.

Thank you for this beautiful life, Beloved. Whatever I’ve gone through is beauty that leads me to the reality of life:

You

Scent of This Hair

The scent that is spread
Is that that I've missed so long.
It's in my own hair.

I was in Sydney and finally found this that I’d wanted so long. Once I thought I would love the Jasmine but this attracted me more strongly.

Spiritual Not Religious (in Bahasa Indonesia)

only in Bahasa Indonesia, so much thing to absorb, more spiritually loaded than religiously and it’s what makes me stay in this type of learning

I’m not a moralist but at the same time I make myself comply with norms, moral values in my society and community

I’m not religious but at the same time I make myself use religions as a source to think of how I should walk this life in which I have to deal with other human beings

I’m not so much spiritual but at the same time I want to load all my life with spiritual meaning so I have little to no time to judge outside of me and to focus more within

Life is like walking on a line in which balance is required to stay on path until the other edge of the bridge

Weekend is sweet for you, dear fellow human beings

Siapa Guru? (in Bahasa Indonesia)

Learning, love, Poetic

Kata guruku hati harus ringan,
Harus.
Kata guruku langkah harus pasti,
Harus.
Kata guruku badan harus rajin,
Harus.
Kata guruku hidup harus berserah,
Harus.
Susahnya!
Laku kuganti guru.
Ngomongnya begini:
Buat apa jadi manusia kalau tidak punya hati bahagia? Kalau kerjanya bermalas-malas diombang-ambing angan-angan? Kalau kerjanya memaksa semua dengan maunya?

Duh!
Berguru di mana-mana sama!
Aku duduk di depan patung Dorna,
Pendeta legenda,
Sebagai Ekalaya aku berpura-pura.

Bambang Ekalaya (Anggraeni’s husband), most loyal male wayang to his teacher

Dewi Anggraeni (Ekalaya’s wife), most loyal female wayang to her husband

I’m Saved, Are You?

Learning, Poetic, Those People

There are ways
For those hiding
To stay hidden.
There are ways
For those running
To keep running.
There are ways
For those struggling
To forever struggle.
They say they do it
For those they love.
They claim they do it
For those they care.
They pledged they do it
For those they respect.
Is it true?
Words can lie.
Numbers can manipulate.
Silence can cover.
Yet eyes can't bury
What's sliding with tears
On the face of reality.

Don't lie to me
Honesty saves everyone's time.
I have no time
To have fun
If fun is your way to hide
Your true face from me.
Save yourself
By letting go
Off the masks
That you wear even when alone.
Let it fall off
And I will stride away
With a lot of pray.

Sunset

Sunset, Beloved
Is the beauty that welcomes
Her serenity.

Gurindam 12 (only Bahasa Indonesia)

Gurindam is a form of ancient poem of (old) Malay.

Gurindam 12 (twelve gurindam(s)) is a set of gurindam composed by Raja Ali Haji in 1847. Raja Ali Haji was a poet born in Pulau Penyengat, Kepulauan Riau, Indonesia in 1808. He is one of national heroes of Indonesia.

I read it back then in junior high school when comprehension was not really well obtained. I wish to fully understand this gurindam before time is up.

Enjoy….

Saturday Night

Saturday night, Love
Keeps her radiant and calm
In a place called heart.

I became hungry and decided to slice carrot, beet root and chayote for salad.

For this Saturday night’s calm vibe, I sliced shallot, chili, lemon grass and kefir lime leaves then sauté them in coconut oil added with shrimp block.

Alhamdulillah yum yum❣️

Satellite

Learning, This Person

Will it be possible to not long for you? I'm a satellite following you with measured distance, a constant give-and-take or push-and-pull.

Am I a moon to you the earth? Are you the earth to me the sun? Am I the sun to you the centre of the galaxy? Are you the galaxy to me the black hole? Or are you the moon to me the earth? Am I the earth to you the sun? Are you the sun to me the galaxy? Am I the galaxy to you the black hole? So and so.... We are revolving each other through layers or orbits just to find one self.

How beautiful how we position to each other truly is! Traveling together in a journey that we both silently know, religiously follow. It's the you that's me, it's the you that's you.

Father

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

May 2 is a special day. It is Indonesia’s National Education Day at the same time the date when my father passed away.

I pray for him always. Yet on his birthday and on his death day I recite special prayer for him.

My father
Is a book mark
With which I remember
Where I should restart.
He is not part of the book,
But with him reading would feel so light.

May Day

Jazz Up Your Day!