Tag: love

It hurts when released.
In heart.
It hurts when kept.
In all.
And so I released.
All.

——-

I sent blessings and prayers to those passing away not known by their family — whoever and wherever you are all, I am one of those remember you as a family member 💕 May all beings be happy

I believe they are released from any unhappiness

🙏🏼

Loved Most

It’s
You
I
Love
Most

——

two things I love the most about Japan: lining-up footwear and toilet! 😍 aahhh and you…. 😃

Falling in Love

If not because of 
Love,
This soul won’t soar,
This heart won’t throb,
This head won’t radiate,
These palms won’t trust sensations.

If because of
Love all are alive,
And so
I fall in
Love
Every single
Day

With
You.

The same
You
Over and over
Again.

——

falling in love is everyday whole year like butternut squash 💕

picture: RC Gorman’s work of art

‘M supposed to watch Coldplay in Japan with Vito, my nephew. We’d planned the trip since May; he passed away in July. Feeling desperate and not wanting to go alone, I was about to cancel the trip when coincidently one best friend said she wanted to visit me in Singapore in the week of the supposed-to-be-cancelled trip. I offered her a free Coldplay ticket to go with me. She agreed! And so the trip cancellation didn’t happen. 💕

I am still selecting which photo of his is the best to bring. I want to take picture with his picture before, during and after Coldplay concert and wherever we would have been going in Japan.

Sometimes we live to walk on others’ dreams and those who have the dreams must let go off their dream to be walked on by others. That’s why I always want to live my life with true dedication as not everyone has the opportunity to live this long.

For those living chasing dreams, you can!

For those leaving with some dreams behind, your dreams are cherished by your beloved!

Rest in love, dear boy.

Salam.

my life is a chain of ordinary acts, rare sprinkles of drama and magical coincidences — unexplainable except that I am blessed with all the problems and solutions 💕

A Best Gift

A best gift, my love
Knowing you seeing my heart.
Do you know my heart?

——

wooden comb is one best gift from myself to myself this year 😀

Beautifully, Humbly

The tree sows thousands of seeds
That fly to all directions
And never return
Until the wind stands up
And calls.
Which seeds come back?
Any
That hear a mother
Beautifully sings with love
Humbly whispers with peace
About home
Full of
Love.

——

this is how much beautifully humble my mother is — with that she has been highly respected by those surrounding her; I won’t be as respected as she is yet I want to at least preserve some part of her humbleness 💚

Carrickfergus (song)

I wish I was in carrickfergus
Where the castle looks out to sea.
I would swim over the deepest ocean
For my love to be with me.
But the sea is wide
And I can not swim over
Nor have I the wings to fly
I wish I had a handsome boatman,
To ferry me over, my love and I.

(part of the lyrics)

——

Carrickfergus is a song that has charmed me with just some words in it and the flow of its music. Some words sound very old yet familiar to me, waking up something ancient in me that feels home.

Carrickfergus itself is a place in Ireland allegedly one of the oldest towns there. I’ve never wanted to visit the place although it is quite well known.

i have the cassette in which this song is in — yes, cassette that I bought back in 2002 😃

Self Care

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

There’s a seed
Called self
Needing love
And care
And consistency
To grow,
To glow,
To everlastingly flow.

——

started fermented rice water to treat my long hair — this one is black rice + rose tea + lime

shampoo bar and conditioner bar made of longsheng rice that is used by the Red Yao women for their beautiful long hair — after using these bought bars, I plan to make my own shampoo bar from Indonesia rice and conditioner liquid from boiled flaxseed water

💕

all in the name of self care because no one cares about myself but me

💚

Weathered

This life’s well weathered
‘Tween hot and cold, calm and rushed.
There’s home to shelter.

——

Indonesia Mosque in Bangkok — joining a short prayer

i went to a mosque then to a small shrine today before flight — feeling the humbleness of human beings begging for help from the One indescribable unseen unexplainable, the hope tiptoeing behind fear, the weakness of human beings facing our own nature

these folded lotus flowers are floating to weather after their duty as envelopes with which prayers are sent up above through billowing smoke of incense

now i have to pack to fly back home soon to see my mother hospitalised — certain days are just under the weather

wishing all my silent chants can be medicine for the woman who loves me to the moon and back

see very soon, Ibu

may all beings be happy

💕

Turning Point

Bob, Learning, life, love, Poetic, Those People

Fragrance of sambac
Ferries the wish to the love
Reborn with new scents.

——

The death of my beloved nephew at young age (22 yo) is one extreme turning point in how I see life and what is in it.

I am not sad anymore and not considering it a loss anymore. Just drying tears and grateful smiles so — remembering how good his life was. How someone with so big mental wound could survive life by serving others in such a fun witty ways. 🥰 We now know how much we loved him and how tremendously he loved us.

Yet….

reborn

not interested in talking in group except for work;

prefer seeing life more lightly yet deeply at the same time;

choose to seclude myself by doing what I can do genuinely; if not, I will stay away;

respond to human interaction differently and it might have hurt people in outer rings; it doesn’t matter

still the same human being yet not the same anymore;

so amazed how losing loved ones can change someone so significantly. And the reality shows me whom are real and unreal, true and untrue…. 💚

Life is mysteriously beautiful.

Thank You so very much!

Alfatihah.

my younger brother’s 1st son was a newborn death; my older brother’s sons: one died at 10, the other at 22 — wishing them to be reborn with love, prosperity and luck 💕😊 you’re (always) in my heart and (sometimes) at my left wrist, boys! 💕💕😊

A Star Not

You are not a star.
Never.
A star brightly rises.
A star magnificently sets.
You might be upset
As a star is what is adored
By many.
Don’t be a star,
It is born,
It dies.
A seen star is thousands years of its history—
Illusion.

You are the earth.
Always.
Who lets the sun rise
And lets the sun set
Sincerely.
The earth is loved
By many.
When I see the earth
I see a present moment
Of everything about it.
I am grounded to earth.
It is where I live, love and laugh

Sincerely.

You are 
A star not.

——

a star is a dream; the earth is where I live, love and laugh sincerely

Note: picture is from Pinterest; I wanted a Java island on the earth with stars above yet could not find any 🙂

May All Beings Be Happy

Once
I knew not
Or cared not
That all struggled
Until
I sat still
To feel the whole cosmos
Within me.
Now
I know
And know
That all inevitably suffer
By choice though.
And so
I chant
Wishing…
May all beings be happy, free from suffering.

And to you
Across the ocean.
With red roses,
May you be happy, free from suffering.

——

May all beings be happy 💕

free from suffering

…. and also to you across the ocean ♥️

Fully Paid

Journey becomes light
When promise is fully paid.
The breeze flows sweetly.

——

beautifully ready for melukat this morning to clean and clarify my life intension and for my dearest nephew ♥️ now his wish for melukat is fully paid — live happily in the other side, my dear 💕 and I have a good feeling that my life is on the right path with my heart losing no love

melukat in Tirtha Empul when it was still quiet this morning — no, I don’t like crowd 🙏🏼 don’t bring me to noisy parties!

The Love & The Logic

This love is as strong as the glue
A snail can spit on an aloe vera
To cling even in a hottest day.
Your logic is as cold as the air
A morning can loosen nature’s desire
In a split second love will go away.

This love is unrequited,
That logic always wins.
Our bond is thinly formatted
As hair splitting to twins.

It is just a dream, 
Though dream of a meadow.
It is truly a wish,
Yet wish of a shadow.

Love will open a bundle of joy.
Logic will open a bundle of satisfaction.

They are happy differently.

Understood—

——

reminding me of how strong love can bond a heart to a dream that won’t come true ♥️

dear heart, release…. the logic will never let you win 🙏🏼

Mountain And Ocean

Mountain and ocean
Between which the heart resides
Call the soul for home.

——

Friends

My friends are plants grown in a garden called
My heart.

Grow as you wish.
As you are.
There are only two rules here:
Be you responsibly
And root strongly.
Otherwise, you’ll
Get weak
Then withered.
And
Dry
Then....

——

I wrote a poem in Bahasa Indonesia in my iPhone about FRIENDS while enjoying today’s lunch: And just now when opening Twitter, I found a thread about 12 levels of friends described in Arabic.

My day is summed up!

All is connected.

💕

Half and Half


Do you know,
Beloved…?
In the middle of a water
Tossing wildly a Land
Stretching like a tail,
Tinted with merry tiny blossoms
Willing to smile
In May summed up are they.
Bearing light fragrance
Infusing air elegantly
For you, only for you—


Do you also know,
Beloved…?
I lullaby some seeds
That wake up lazily,
Stretch to the sky
Then sprinkle perfumes
With thousands of flowers
In the 9th month
Being warm and fuzzy
In the other half
For you, only for you—

For you
Whether to take
Or to give up.
There is no heaviness in a no.
There is no lightness in a yes.
There is pain in silence.
Yet life is so rich,
There is always cure
For any wound.
Let poems sing heart songs
For you, only for you.

——

Angel without Wings

How do you call you
Loving expecting no pay?
Only the mother—

——

today i called her after she said that she could not sleep remembering Vito, the grandson who just passed away

this lady is impressively patient and loving her grandchildren; losing him has never been easy

she tried to hide her cry from me but her voice could not lie

if i can tell anyone about someone to never forget, it must be about mother

love her, don’t disappoint her ever again as there might have been a lot of troubles from us when we were younger

i love you, Ibu

Shape of Heart

Sprinkles of petalS
Sway from the sky gracefully
Calling name of yours.

——

genji pie that shapes like heart or rose petal or whatever beautifully seen by eyes

genji pie, aside from the shape the taste is also good to me

genji pie has inspired me to love

About genji pie

Pilgrimage

Learning, life, love, Map It!, Poetic, This Person

This life’s pilgrimage
Spiralling in to the core
Of old house within.

——

a mosque in Tokyo — Tokyo Jamii (Camii)

entrance — assalamualaikum, Tokyo Camii

mosque area – 2nd floor

i still know how to do sholat tahiyatul masjid (praying to respect mosque), recite QS Arrahman that is full of gratitudes and praises so i did it

the feel was exactly like when i pray in the temples and shrines

a feeling of home 💕

then a beautiful sister helped me with photo taking — she made me much taller, slimmer yet less me 😁 thank you 💕

time to fly home — thank you, Tokyo 💕

you make me love myself more and more, with all the wounds and scars

My Heart Is

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person

They have said 
I am lost.

What I see…
I am in a forest away
From comfort of thought.
I am not in a castle
In which mind is blunted.
My heart finds home
In which 25 prophets 
And 1000 saints
Have found the paths.

It is a way
That all Prophets and Saints bless.

I am home
With the flow
That brings petals
To where fragrance blends
With clarity of fluids,
Various fluids
Gliding to a vast ocean
Of love.

——

i don’t care anymore what i am called by them — Muslim? Alhamdulillah, Sufi? Subhanallah, Buddhist? Masya Allah

what i am sure of is that my sutra is sutra of love with which all prophets and saints have travelled, whatever religions they have been associated with

thank you

💕

To Those I Love

When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour spent together
Lives within my heart

And when she was sad
I was there to dry her tears
And when was happy so was I
When she loved me

Through the summer and the fall
We had each other that was all
Just she and I together
Like it was meant to be

And when she was lonely
I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me

So the years went by
I stayed the same
But she began to drift away
I was left alone
Still I waited for the day
When she'd say I will always love you

Lonely and forgotten
Never thought she'd look my way
And she smiled at me and held me
Just like she use to do
Like she loved me
When she loved me

When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour spent together
Lives within my heart
When she loved me

I thank you, God for giving me courage to express my love and affection to those I love. I will not regret.

💕

Fragrant Respect and Sweet Love for You

I love you
And I respect you
Fragrantly.

I’ve missed you
More and more
Since I didn’t open windows
Anymore.

This heart though is open
Like pores of petals
Evaporating fragrance
In a warm September.

Be happy, Beloved
As you deserve to.
Whereas this scent
Will keep leaping stone to stone.

Your face pops out
In this head every second
Like brilliant dew drops
In a shy May.

I respect you
And I love you
Sweetly.

——

enough sweet and fragrant for snacking for 5 days in Tokyo

Hatred Was Love

Hatred, Beloved
Never a choice; it is love—
Once got hurt then lost.

(haiku at lunch break)

——

osho, the king in shogi (Japanese chess)

About shogi the Japanese chess

Land

Learning, Map It!, Poetic

A pair of strong wings
Bring me to a land of thoughts
Where hope shines the light.

——

landed home after burying hope to grow with flowers and spreading love with billowing incense smoke

Lovely Friendship

The spell of friendship
Is not F R I E N D S H I P.
To spell friendship
Is to put some magical words
To a bond
So it lasts forever
In love.

My friends put a spell on me.
I put a spell on them.
We put a spell on each other
To stay together
Gleaming like stars
In a cluster
Or in different ones blinking to each other.

How beautiful friendship is
When bonded with genuine drops
Of souls
And
Adorned with true colours
Of hearts.

How real friendship is
When soul and heart
Are sprinkled on to
A life that hopes
And loves.

——

this book of friendship — no where to find in souvenir shop but found in the heart of friends

fun and true and real and genuine 💕 friendship with my beloved nephews

On A Rope