Which one, Beloved? To love? To be loved? Anyโ As long as itโs true.
โ
There are times when you have no choice but giving or taking; no reciprocity whatsoever. And that is when you think it is not fair although that is not necessary to think of anything as long as it is true.
When it is time to give, just give like when you enjoy good unhealthy food. When it is time to take, just take like when you enjoy the healthful bland food. Easy but I have found it challenging in some way. I want balanced give and take, good and healthful.
Life is bitterly fair. To enjoy it, be true. Be true to yourself, my dear.
๐
all is healthful untilโฆ.you are given this loud, greasy, high carbo, full of pleasure magical crackers! ๐ ๐
Fine lines, Beloved, Show how much and deep her love is To life and its vibes.
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I am seriously getting and looking older. It doesnโt matter. I love being me changing physically and growing mentally. ๐
black and white photo apps has made my fine lines disappear from the tips of the eyes ๐ no wonder my nieces love to manipulate their photo with some apps
Coffee, Beloved, Brings back the fragrance of breeze From the green high land.
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I drink coffee but am not a big fan of it. Fragrance of raw coffee beans, coffee cherries, coffee leaves, coffee flowers, coffee trees are much more lovable to these nostrils. Last 2019 visit to my uncle and auntโs home in Menoreh Hill has always been a fresh fragrant memory; it is because the coffee fragrance would welcome us in the morning when wind blowing down the hill through the window sills.
Along the path up the hill going to our grandparentsโ graveyards these hands would playfully pull some coffee leaves or coffee cherries, squeeze them and breathe the aroma in. My cousins and nieces would do the same. We would throw them to the dogs jumping around as playful as the owners.
Miss that green high land, where my ancestors started their humble legendsโ
Wind, fly me. ๐ซ
Salaam.
coffee shrubs decorate back yard of many houses in the hill; that fragrance is the witness of how the people love the land ๐another fragrance loved – pepperwait!hey! get up, letโs run!
Stories, Beloved, Chronological events With no emotion She puts meanings and settings To characters in action.
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I like poems loaded with love even when it is not love stories according to my friends. To me all stories are potential love stories.
I couldnโt find my left green sock and a poem about losing a beloved one was born. My kitchen lamp was blinking before switched off for good, a poem about a lover moving on after struggling reaching out to the beloved. Yet real broken heart helped me develop poems about how a heart shape blinks from white to blue to red to black before fading away.
Everything is love story between a lover and beloved. Of left and right socks. Of dark and light. Of hope and fear. Of head and heart. Of missing you and hating you. Of everything and nothing. Of me and my beloved that constantly changeable among me, you and them.
Mystery? Cheesy? It doesnโt matter. It helps me relax yet focus. โฅ๏ธ
Life is all romance through these eyes. Wish that they remain with romantic lenses until life shows its true romanticism at the end of the journeyโ
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oh oh oh love you love you love youโฆ.. who are you? someone, something or some money? ๐
Winter, Beloved, As white as wishes whistling Through poems and prayers.
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Damascus steel cuts silk. Drips of water punch the rocks. Wind caresses the sands. Breeze sways the twigs and ushers the leaves to land on the ground. Snowflake falls one by one wrapping the ground to doze off. With eloquent silence they make things happen.
How can I say about language โฆ.except that it is as subtly powerful as nature, or even much more with its ability to transform or transmigrate whatever is in the hands, head and heartโ
Whistle to me, Winter. These ears are frozen and distant but this soul is as warm and fragrant as jasmine tea.
Monday, thank you for being nice to me. Tuesday, I know you are too. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, be, too.
Salaam.
if only I learnt this language much earlier, I would have sung this song decently ๐
She is all children Playing, pushing the limits Before time for home.
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Adults at home often reprimanded young me for going home late missing timely afternoon bath or going home dirty playing in the river or paddy field. As a child I was confused why adults didnโt like playing; worse is they tried stopping me from having fun, while we children didnโt even do any harm when playing.
Reading a message from someone โStay safe. Enjoy life.โ, there is optimism that life is still playful even among those working crazily hard although level and perception about enjoyment differs from person to person based on whatever limit the prefer to use: culture, law, moral values, religion, contracted ethics conduct, etc. Mine is still the same: traveling along the river and going home late minus mud (sometimes at the bike wheels) and adultsโ criticism.
Weekend is always refreshing. Welcome, Monday! Iโve been nice to you, please be nice to me! (transaction starts at the end of a weekend)
Salaam.
seen more black and white recently and hope to see more colour-negotiable days ๐
Married, Beloved, To your shadow that follows Wherever I go.
Divorced, Beloved, From your doubt that hunts and haunts Wherever I hide.
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One very long chat decorated a night. A childhood friend did sharing about what she had experienced when we were away for about 10 years, busy with our own life. This is her promise to tell the full story after giving hints and looking puzzled when meeting me.
She married thrice. First husband died of illness. Second abused and cheated her and so they divorced. Third one, this one has brought a lot of stories and enlightenment.
How she finally decided the third after the traumatic second has strengthened about my own lesson in life – acceptance. How she lets a seemingly perfect person be with her imperfect figure does add amazement about one of my loyalist. How she ignores words and stares from people disapproving her behaviours has told me she is still girl going foraging in the wild with me in our lively early age.
She hit me with some bitter comments about my complicated points. She ridiculed me for being so guarding and distant from risking broken heart to happen. She also highlighted how her love transforms to friendship that I would have not believed can happen to her – she is not a โfriendship-friendlyโ type of person, she is a snapping turtle ๐
There are things she has regretted about all 3 decisions but the regret has brought her to a final realisation that her life has shaped her into a composed, mature woman strong yet flexible enough to be beautifully bent by the hardship of life. The pain pays off, she said. What a beautiful creature my dear friend is! ๐๐๐
This weekend has given me another package of lessons from our childhood. A blast from the past!
Weekend is still long. Iโd better have more fun!
May all beings be happy! ๐๐ผ
the commitment on paper needs realisation in 3 dimension reality with soul and trust – red torii in progress
Orchidsโs peekaboo! They breathe, we breathe the same air. They bloom. We do, too. They show colours. We do, too. Theirs are bright. Would ours be, too?
blooming again ๐mini Dendrobiumno ID Dendrobium
Cut this, he said. Nope! These fruits donโt need slicing, Not for fine dining.
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I miss places where eating fruit is the combination of hard work and excitement. At very young age, some rascal friends and I would just pluck some fruits from the trees โour parents called it stealing and lectured us for weeks, we called it adventureโ then eat them just like that. We even peeled sugarcane with our teeth like powerful fighters. ๐
Iโm blessed to experience that prime time. Trust me it sounds rather uncivilised but thatโs what has made my generation more humane than my niece and nephewโs generation that has to use knife to enjoy the helpless berries. ๐
Happy weekend!
๐ฅณ
hi, chef. most of those fruits wonโt need knife to eat. give them to me and Iโll finish them in no time with no tool ๐
Sunset, Beloved, Serene pretty end of day To be in your lapโ
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Iโve limited contact with human beings for the past 2 years either due to the blessed pandemic or my own will. It feels good to seclude myself: doing whatโs sweet and enriching, talking only to those encouraging and infusing positive vibes, working with all heart and soul.
Only calls from colleagues and family are those Iโve picked. Very very limited number of friends have been the preferred channels. The rest is next layers, not priority.
Only 6 people have been my favourite for the past one year โ they are the easiest to laugh things with; at the same time the most serious to discuss crazy things with. We can talk about how stupid we are especially when in love ๐คฎ up to how we are afraid of dying ugly and in debt ๐
My mom and 2 older friends are kind of those I would respectfully listen with a twist – hey sometimes my ears are itchy too… My youngest brother and 2 same age friends are whom I impatiently argue with and patiently listen to each other. They are the definition of best friends of mine.
Thanks for becoming my sunrise, sunstroke and sunset. Beautiful friendship is about acceptance and trust! ๐
Alfatihah for you all my best people
sunset is beautiful reminding me of those sweet sour best friends ๐ฅณ
It seems raining behind the hills. Dark blue curtain Hanging from heaven Dances through her own rhythm.
Will it rain under the tree? You asked. Rain will pour down to the ground, Tree is your canopy. Will it flood on the pathway? You asked. Flood will turn to the river, Pathway is your journey. Will it be sunny? You asked. Sun shines with no holiday, Sunday is when you think you are free. Will you meet me? You asked. I am meeting you Through the rain and flood With the sun and cloud Everyday Without holiday. You seem to worry about the rain. The rain behind the hills? Dark blue curtain Hanging from heaven Dances with your rhythm. Keep walking, You see.
Human, Beloved, Bruised and scarred, laughter and cry. Perfect? Humane notโ
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Nowhere to run from mistakes and errors. The best way is forgiving the self for making (too many) repeated irresponsible decisions and moving right on. Donโt add too many fatal moves; this life has its right to be happy, too.
Nowhere. It is just here and now. Tomorrow might be an elegy.
๐
this guy is a human being. thereโs another one I adore even more than this guy simply because he is a human being – salaam
Whirlpool, Beloved, Rotates to flush the stagnant. Brain? No exception.
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Izakaya-san*: How are you, Rike-san?
Me: Iโm well. How are you there? Hopefully Japan welcome more foreign visitors.
Izakaya-san: Iโm great! Yes, starting this month we relax the policy. How is Asia?
Me: I beg your pardon.
Izakaya-san: How is Asia?
Me: Oh. South East Asia? Much better. Most countries open borders without test and quarantine.
Izakaya-san: Oooh! Asia is good, too. Good, good, good!
This head was whirled yet decided to sound normal this afternoon. God bless Izakaya-san and his people from his generation. ๐คญ
Salaam.
iโm very often โJapanlyโ whirled! ๐
* Izakaya-san is a pseudo name I use to talk about unique Japanese that gives me some experience. Itโs not because I dislike izakaya. I like izakaya so much that everything about Japanese unique reminds me of izakaya. Only Japan has izakaya.
Good night, Beloved, They slow down even the trains. But times, it moves right.
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One friend said โSome people show their sweet side when they need me, I just knew they laughed at me behind my back and said how stupid Iโve been for (she mentioned one big social contribution she made). Do you think I should stop being kind to people?โ
Another friend said โNo. why stop? There is karma so youโd better do good deed. Your good actions will be repaid with good reactions. Believe it.โ This one is also very kind.
Another one said โThis life doesnโt owe you anything. So how much ever you spend, it will not be paid back. You will not be repaid 10 points just because you donate 1 point. Look! How much have you lost, just like that? No one gives you 10 times the amount, right? What karma? Whose karma? Youโd better do whatโs the best for your benefits and without harming others.โ She is the most critical.
The other friend said โit should be balanced. You do good things and donโt forget doing bad things.โ ๐ค Gosh she is always the most confusing.
I said โIโm hungry. Letโs go dinner. Our brain needs to slow down.โ Those three stopped arguing.
Night is always good for a chat with some friends whose heads contain different things whose heart is of one intension โ to respect friendship.
Salaam. โฅ๏ธ
two trains to/from opposite directions of the same line, Red Line
There is no natural conflict on earth. When there is conflict, it must have been because of wrong thinking model installed in the nerve system.
Why?
Because everything is coherent in the universe.
How scientific but disappointing! Her life craves for drama Like her brain craving for sugar.
Fix the point of view Or the distance of view Or the angle of view Or whatever to see things clearly To save my own life For comfort? For sanity? For (false) equilibrium? For clarity!
Acheneโs a message Sent to wish more joy and bliss. Sad no more, dear earth.
โ
Each day new day. It is equivalent with Javanese wisdom โmati sajroning uripโ which literally means โdead within lifeโ. It is a very deep wisdom teaching Javanese human beings to let the old self to transform to the new one. It is simply acknowledging that some problems are let go and self is moving on with better understanding about what life is truly is.
If life challenge is considered a seed, it will free the human being, fly away to fall on Mother Earthโs lap somewhere and be part of green woven blanket beautifying and cooling.
Bright day, Beloved, Brought by bright colours or thoughts About tomorrowโ
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Stuck is just stuck! What colours she should put on the day, only Heaven knows. It doesnโt get better, it just gets full and dirty. Maybe tonight Hermes will come to her dreams, bringing a message about what colours she should splash and stroke on the canvas to become a decent outcomeโฆ.
โฆ. Or Mercury will communicate about what and what on where, when and how. What about who and whom? Ahhhh! Ignore those gossiping and discouraging.
Wellโฆ. Welcome, Monday. Please be nice to me. ๐ค
May all beings be happy.
โฅ๏ธ
weekend is primarily about washing, painting & drawing, singing random stupid lyrics and planning the Monday brightness ๐hey, tell me if there is any message for me ๐ชถ
Sometimes Iโm somebody At a conference room Where win-win Isnโt always a solution. Powerfulโ Decisiveโ
Sometimes Iโm anybody When long lost friends Suddenly say hi and cry โWould you please help? Would you help?โ Unconditionalโ Usedโ
Sometimes Iโm everybody When I blindly devote myself, When I wholeheartedly do everything needed, When I run around everywhere to find you. Preoccupiedโ Stand-aloneโ
Sometimes Iโm nobody When I feel my heart beats, My breath slows down with calmness, When I know nobody is with me. Blissfulโ Submissiveโ
Thanks, my body. Youโre a complete gift to me.
I dedicate the above free verse to Emily Dickinson who has touched my life with many of her poems especially โIโm Nobody! Who are you?โ
๐ฃ
Salaam.
this poem was introduced by Ibu Siti Parwati Soemarto, our lecturer who always challenged her students to bravely see who we truly are – 28 years ago! damn Iโm an old nobody! how bitterly fair life is! Terima kasih, Ibu Soemarto. ๐
The voice floats away, Traveled to where dreams reside. A gentle smile blooms.
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Lyrics are often more appealing than the musical composition in the song. They either compliment the composition or ruin it, at least to these ears.
Musical composition without good lyrics is good sleep without snoring. ๐ด๐
this song is full of beautiful everything ๐ฅฐ happiness, sadness, hope and despair, flowing music and sweet diction – ๅใ ใ ใใใฃใฆใ ใใใฃใฆใ
Laughter, Beloved Takes trust before exploding. Accepting what isโ
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I had a conversation with one friend about acceptance and trust.
This friend is one of my favorite as she is the struggling among us but the one with the biggest acceptance and trust to the life process. Sheโs been in all tests of life that might have made her a tough lady. Or probably she was just born that way and so she can pass all tests.
She said that trust is very important, only trust to the processes of life can make her accept whatever is presented by life. It has turned her into this current posture and gesture – tough yet kind.
Talking to an honest yet witty friend is a privilege, listening to her funny stories is like unwrapping hidden wisdom. How would a human being be that tough yet kind? She reminds me of my mother and some people around me.
friends laugh at each other, but touch each otherโs heart the most
Yet I never want to be like them as being like them means dealing with roughest surface of life. Iโm sufficiently thankful being me.
Thank you so much for giving me good friends as present. I will love them without being them. โฅ๏ธ
Hey! But sometimes my ears feel like exploding with the length of the call. For full jokes, call at weekends only pleaseโฆ.. ๐
Have you heard of the word home? I often think of what it is And where it is.
My friends all say it. That it is where shelter is, That it is where family is, That it is where safety is, That it is where heart is, That it is this earth that spins, Blah blah blah, That it is this, That it is that.
What is a home?
Iโm not as intelligent as they are. I can only tell whatโs not a home. Sometimes my apartment isnโt a home. Sometimes my childhood home isnโt a home. Sometimes I donโt feel safe staying in this safest place. Sometimes my heart is flying across the ocean while Iโm sitting in the sofa. This earth is traveling to where I donโt know. Sometimes I just donโt believe what my friends say about home. Iโm sorry for being not so intelligent as all of you are.
I will keep identifying whatโs not home Until Iโm home.
They live in the mud. Flowers wanted. Story not, Real beauty thatโs missedโ
โ
Dark and bright, two limits that often corrupt my perception of facts and so affect many plans. In fact both bring different strengths supplementally support my life.
What is it about? Oh, it is just about that night ride is cool and serene, morning ride is colourful and fresh.
In the dark I hear more; when itโs bright., I see more.
Hey! Riding morning makes skin darker! Damn right! ๐ฟ
Salaam.
the blooming happiness along my normal route of fun this morningtheyโre all resting buds last eveningmostly living in cluster, colourful same colour clustertwo of themliving at the edgesoloisolated duosupporting systemhiddensome can see their reflection on the water, some not ๐
Good time, Beloved, Sitting silently, centred. Grazing on the timeโ
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Life is never bored of reciting how grand a name when zoomed in and how tiny its reality when zoomed out. Oh! It is the other way around, tiny when zoomed in and grand when zoomed out.
donโt disturb, sheโs enjoying her good time as if sheโs real – is she?
What is your name, dear? Deer!
what is an animal as sturdy and cold as metal? this! is it real?
Are you a buck or a stag? You donโt look like one. Or, you look like both?
rike jokanan 
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