And you're, Beloved
Forgiven in every breath.
This soul is well fed.
well fed soul sees paradox as blessings rather than curses
Forgiven
Category: This Person
Forgiving
Forgive, Beloved
This self questioning one's self
About where to go.
i’m headin’ 2 U
Garden
Garden's, Beloved
Where seasons play with the sun,
Weathers with the shade.
Japanese garden layout in Winsor & Newton water colour
i’ve always wanted a Japanese garden in one spot of my yard
i contacted one Japan contractor but they offerred USD8,000 just for the design for 11*2 size
i politely refused the offer and decided to work on the design by myself and transferred the USD8,000 to my own bank account 😁
now it is ready to execute; i’ll be working with a garden contractor to complete this task; i’ve also found moss and grain loval sources – see you in 3 months, dear Jogja
layout of behind study, near maintenance entrance — yellow bamboo bush will sing when the wind blows
layout of in front of bedroom — no grass, just moss, grain, a few boulders and shrub of hosta; the engawa is a perfect seat to contemplate either at dusk or dawn
after some time of hibernating
Endurance
How long
How far
How intense
Does she endure life?
Start slow and steady,
Move at constant pace,
Travel farther,
Rest when needed,
Fix technical issues,
Read and review,
Keep going.
She endures to reach an end
Safely,
Not swiftly
And that's her endurance.
i didn’t meet Sam today, she probably took a break or maybe she knew that the pool was packed (normally only 5 at this hour, 12 today) so she pulled herself back — my 30′ went fast with a lot of interruption, my next is two days from now and i wish to see fewer people so i can train myself better
[only in Bahasa Indonesia]
Found a dearest good friend wrote a touching message in Instagram this evening and would love to keep it here — only in Bahasa Indonesia though
My translation into English might never be good enough to contain how compassionate her message is. You might want to translate with Google.
Note: it is a verbatim text
❣️
bertahun lalu, ketika berkesempatan mengunjungi ka’bah, aku duduk menatapnya lalu berucap: “tuhan, tunjukkan aku cara membaca (iqra) alquran. karean aku tidak percaya tuhan mana pengasih maha penyayang se-strict itu.” aku mengacu ke penekanan pada dosa dan neraka yang kerap diangkat.
sejak itu—atau sebenarnya jauh sebelumnya, aku percaya tuhan terus menjawab permintaanku: hidupku adalah tanggapan tak putus dari tuhan atas permintaan itu. dia menunjukkan betapa dia maha pengasih, maha penyayang dan nama-nama lain yang terlingkupi oleh rahman dan rahim.
aku dipertemukan dengan manusia dan makhluk lain (kucing misalnya) yang menunjukkan ragam bentuk kasih sayang, diperjalankan melalui peristiwa-peristiwa yang membantu melembutkan hati—atau menunjukkan di bagian mana hatïku masih perlu dilembutkan; dan dititipkan pada sekolah-sekolah yang secara gamblang membimbingku untuk lebih berwelas asih, berserah, dan merayakan hidup dan keagungannya.
manusia sejatinya bisa berjalan sesuai fatwa hatinya; bisa tergerakkan oleh arahan jiwa (spirit)-nya; bisa hidup dengan lebih jujur minimal kepada diri sendiri. utopis? atau bisa jadi pemikiran bahwa hal ini utopis telah membatasi kita?
banyak yang ingin kuceritakan. bukan untuk mengajarkan, karena siapalah aku ini. namun, lebih ke berbagi. siapa tahu ada yang mengetuk hatimu, lalu kau mengetuk hatiku kembali. Sama-sama kita belajar menjadi manusia.
ingin bercerita, tetapi belum tahu bagaimana. kutaruh tulisan ini di sini sebagai langkah awal. atau, mungkin, kau punya cerita, kegelisahan, pertanyaan, atau ide yang bisa melanjutkkan pembicaraan ini?
terima kasih.
❣️
Thank you, dear friend. You’ve touched my heart many times, I hope I’ve at least once done as good as you.
Thanks for making room for me. Always.
Salaam.
Unfinished Root Cause Analysis of Misunderstanding
Sometimes her tongue is too sharp
But don't blame her tongue,
It's her eyes too sharp
But don't blame her eyes,
It's her brain too critical
But don't blame her brain,
It's her rationale too weak
But don't blame her rationale,
It's her research insufficient
But don't blame her research,
It's her data too narrow
But don't blame her data,
It's her survey not detailed
But don't blame her survey,
It's her objective not well conveyed
But....
She writes love poems.
Yet they get angry, not knowing that
She just expresses naked truth.
She hopes that she is not exposed
As her poems are limited edition.
RC Gorman’s work of art
Lend Me Ears
Lend me ears, my love
To listen to the silence
That whispers your songs.
RC Gorman’s
earrings are to me not only accessories, they are an agreement that i am ready to hear some news 💕 earrings i wear amplify important messages to me
Flowing River
There's so much here
Wanting to burst
Colours and fragrances
That have been hiding
In a deep cave
For ages.
It is gemstones,
The petrified blood, tears and sweats
Traveling with time and space:
Flowing river
To the turquoise sea
Uniting with
You.
RC Gorman’s work of art
i kno it’s U
Saraswati, My Dewi (lyrics corrected)
Saraswati is my dewi.
This goddess represents wisdom, knowledge, language and art especially music. She is also the one guarding the flowing river.
Dear, Saraswati
You are blessed as I am.
Lyrics (major correction)
Om Jai Saraswati Mata,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Sadgun Vaibhav Shalini,
Sadgun Vaibhav Shalini
Tribhuvan Vikhyata,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Chandravadani Padmasini,
Dyuti Mangalakare
Sohe Shub Hansa Savare,
Sohe Shub Hansa Savare
Atul Tejdhari....
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Bayen Kar Men Vina,
Maiyaa Daye Kar Mala,
Shish Mukut Mani Sohe,
Shish Mukut Mani Sohe
Gal Motiyan Mala,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Devi Sharan Jo Aye,
Unka Uddhar Kiya,
Paithi Manthra Dasi,
Paithi Manthra Dasi,
Ravan Sanhar Kiya,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Vidhya Gyan Pradayini,
Gyan Prakash Bharo,
Moh Aur Agyan Timir Ka,
Moh Aur Agyan Timir Ka,
Jay Se Nash Karo,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Dhup Deep Phal Meva,
Man Svikar Karo,
Man Svikar Karo,
Jag Nistar Karo,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Maa Sarasvati Ki Arti,
Jo Koi Jan Gave,
Hitkari Sukhkari,
Hitkari Sukhkari,
Gyan Bhakti Pave,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Today’s Victory
Don't overestimate me, Beloved.
My victory won't be like yours.
You win a business tender.
You build a business empire.
You rob the hearts of the best men.
You steal all eyes with your body.
No, I don't.
I win a big basket of laundry
And make them stacks of folded clothes
Wrapping me in daily commute to office or
To fields where I squeeze my wisdom out of best standards or
Just at home wander around digging what I can boil.
I love today's victory.
I live a best life.
best victory of my weekend, today!!!
Dilemma?
There's no dilemma.
There's only heart
Rocking in a sea of abundance
Misunderstood as distraction.
Sit still, Beloved
When world is noisy and busy
With laughters and cries.
i thank god that my dilemma is only between whether to read some books or to iron my clothes — not so complicated and i it only happens at the weekend; the rest is just to work and to enjoy after work 😘
it is what it is as weekend is a list of household chores in silence
enjoy your weekend!
いただきます
This lunch is coming from
That evening noisy kitchen.
This calm evening is coming from
That afternoon hard work.
This glorious afternoon is coming from
That morning humble smile.
That that passed
Has left
What is blessed.
full set – いただきます❣️
tempe, beancurd and duck — all fried; btw, i thought it was chicken until i chewed the flesh 🫢 i’m such a bad chef who didn’t check the label, just took it from the fridge and threw it to the boiling water and tadaaa!!! 😁
Chinese cabbage is sweet when boiled
the best sambal on earth ☺️ sambal terasi
all boiled together in harmony 😀
Written
This life is written
Along a ribbon coiling
Around a live book.
weekend is to read what’s written as weekdays is to write what’s read
i’m a book with cover, title, table of content, chapters, and an end; and i’m craving to know about its precious author among all readers
The Wings
These wings bring me everywhere
And also home.
These wings bring me adventure
And also joy.
What have your wings brought you?
finally home
it’s amazing to fly home
the peak of a mountain under my wings
the sky full of cotton under my wings
turning right with spreading wings
the sun under left wing
Before & After
Is there anyone
Before
&
After
Me
Leaving
Without permission?
None--
It is a consent that forms
Life,
A period where
You
&
I
Meet at a dot on a ring.
salam, dear shrine where heart and soul escort body to whisper all secrets
Kameyama Shrine
before cleaning – looked like birds loved to bathe and leave some feathers as token of gratitude
after cleaning – no one asked me to clean this, i just felt that i needed to give Japan a small token of gratitude and Kameyama Shrine be the one to receive it
always praying someday I can come back to that shrine. I will tell her that she did give me amazing vibe in my whole visit in Kameyama. Shrines, mosques, temples, churches and other places where human beings whisper their heart and soul out have always been a charm to me.
enso – there’s a dot where two extremes meet and form balance to ensure life flows
Last Train
I won't miss the train.
The last. A home is waiting
With a cup of tea.
i saw this scene very often from my room; last midnight was the most impressive when i felt so much love living as me with no one but me ❣️
How Fragrant Are You?
How fragrant are you
Through the petals sweetly picked
By fragile fingers?
I love perfume especially when at home.
Some facts of how certain oils as part of perfume ingredients are harvested shake my liking to perfumery. If I buy those perfumes, am I abusing certain group of people? If I don’t buy, am I letting them unemployed?
Life is sometimes as simple as abc– Yet life is sometimes as complex as ancient codes to decipher.
Time to concoct my own perfume from responsibly-sourced oils?
New Is Old After Said
Now is a new time
Turned to old right after said.
Don't say. Just begin.
daisy is a new beginning
For You
For:
You
Who breathes love in silence,
Who touches heart in secret,
Who smiles in the dark,
Who listens to whispers,
Who reads all scrolls,
Who kisses faraway dreams;
Take these roses,
That dance with the wind,
That spread strange chemicals,
That show off colours,
That boast deadly pricks,
That symbolise love,
That decay over time.
if i were roses, what would life be?
Cured
Cured is what's preserved:
Head and heart from discomfort
Of forgotten hope--
Enjoy your weekend!
i don’t like daily chemical medication but once i realized that it is part of what makes the body cured (longer preserved from decay), i’ve made great peace 😍
back-to-back trips are at peace with 3-in-1 (passport, money and medication) primarily prepared
let’s fly again
Note to fellow human beings: All what human beings do to be physically healthy is to ensure a longer preserved life. I’ve made peace since forever that human beings’ body is dying everyday, unstoppable, just made the process nicer and more relaxed.
Spirituality
Spirituality--
What is it, Dearest?
She talks to all sides of walls, ceilings and floors.
They talk no word, just a long hum enticing her to stop thinking;
Leaving her no choice but a weekend laundry.
Spirituality, Dearest
Is her life with
Its ups and downs,
Its ins and outs.
Her strong wills and deteriorating muscles--
—
a short spiritual interview in my laundry weekend — thank you!
enjoy your weekend!
Preference
It's a preferred life,
Not a perfect one. Not much,
And she's fine.
—
45R is one of my preferred brands (doesn’t mean i buy a lot of its products though) – its good material is preferred, its most designs are not as they are to me “very foreign” ☺️
The Fool
This fool
Is learning
Through
Humming and
Walking with a friend and
Greeting fun adventures and
Kissing the flowers and the air.
Hello,
Fool.
Be sweet life!
—
one of my best friends is a prominent tarot master in Ubud, whose reading always reminds me that I am The Fool — thank you, De Nov ❣️
Lost? Found!
Losing is a sign,
A sign to either find,
Or let it go off the mind.
All is fine.
—
i lost my Airpod case with one earset in it; not panicky as losing or forgetting small things is my middle name — not in the bag, sure not at taxi as bag was never unzipped in the ride — i sent email to the hotel saying that my Airpod with one earset left was in the room — yes! it was found and safe kept — see you next month! 😂
Tested Every Day
Failure seems ordinary
As I am tested every day
And pass
With or without flying colours.
I just need
A faith to cling that
I am not alone battling.
There is you.
There is
You.
—
very much welcome – tested by beauty; i could not stop wowing in silence 😍
i am fasting and getting tested with these sweets and freshness 😍 not difficult to pass this easy test though
The Fool
Stepping in
To the wood
Under the sun,
The moon,
The stars,
Swarmed by the wild;
Ahead she prances
Along a composition
Orchestrated by the air.
—
be a fool in the ocean of falsehood
realizing that being a fool is an enjoyable journey in life to earn meanings without burden
Dear, You
Dear
Young heart,
Fly to the moon and back
To the green meadow, humming.
Dear
Old body,
Bury me where banyan seeds sprout
Reaching out to sky, breathing.
Dear
Ancient soul,
Free me from any shape
So I can be alive anywhere you sow me.
—
I went to a small civilized** farewell party for a friend in KL, Malaysia, taking selfie before crazily singing in Red Box karaoke.
Life is short, be kind….
Or….. Just take a selfie.
❣️
Salam.
** civilized to me means NO FREE SEX, NO DRUGS, NO ALCOHOL ♥️
just take selfie when you’re feeling good
take selfie when you’re not in the mood
take selfie although people think it’s weird yet you’re nartistically free and freely glee
Luck
Anger, Beloved
Swirling stream drawning what flow,
Demolishing luck--
—
Anger can bring unluck, now I believe that.
I was furious because some people made unnecessary mistakes. Although mistake is mistake that can be fixed but covering up is another level of mistake making a mistake not just a mistake. I can never accept when people are not well treated, not well protected, ignored, disrespected.
anger is maelstrom
I still could not get rid of the patches of anger even after some hours. No sleep cured it. No food did. No nothing. I felt my body tremble whenever thinking of how those mistakes were made and so on and so forth.
This very morning I realised that my anger didn’t bring good things. It brought me heat in head, unclear thought and unlucky events. And the unlucky events were the worst as I’ve always been feeling lucky in my life.
Look what happened to me….
I queued behind a lady who failed scanning her fingerprints and facial recognition in the immigration autogate that made the waiting too long for such a sophisticated system. My Malaysia Digital Arrival Card submission failed 4 times today. My passport identification page got folded. My automatic bagagge check-in failed, with a bonus of bitter sour unfriendly female airline assistant treating my passport like a trash.
Please forgive me, dear self. Those mistakes do not belong to you and you are not responsible to bear any cost; they are those people’s, let them deal with any consequences possible.
I feel lucky.
Feel lucky.
Lucky!
Full
How full are you, Love?
Leave a space where air can move
And water can flow.
—
It is Ramadhan 1, I started my 30-day fasting.
Fasting is not a new or foreign to my family. My parents consider it a sacred practice in their life. My oldest sister does fast every two days. Intermitten fasting is never a new thing for us. We are Javanese, we fast both as a spiritual sanctuary and mental exercise.
When we talk about fasting in Javanese tradition, it is not always like the Islamic fasting (not eating, not drinking, not smoking, not having sex on the daylight). Fasting or pasa or poso in Javanese is managing what is in and out through all doors of senses in our body. It can be simply by choosing what to eat, when to eat, how to eat.
In old days Javanese did many different types of fasting and so they name those types of fasting differently.
Mutih (derived from the word putih or white in Javanese) is when they only eat rice and drink water. They won’t be consuming anything with tastes: sweet, salty, sour, bitter, gurih, etc.
Ngidang (derived from the word kidang or deer in Javanese) is when they only consume leafy vegetables and water, and no other things.
Ngrowot (derived from the word krowot that means “no rice” in Javanese) in when they will not consume rice and any product of any kind of rice).
Etc….
For this Ramadhan I decided to do ngrowot. It means I will not consume any rice and any product of rice crom dawn to dusk, from day 1 until end of Ramadhan. I want to know how good I am pushing myself through “hunger”.
Bismillah!
Yes, I can.
💕
my first day of “Ramadhan Ngrowot” breakfast
😁
Own n Owe
I don't own this body
I don't own this heart
I don't own this soul
I don't own this life
I owe
You.
Yet do
You know that
You owe me, too?
All these limited experiences that imprison
You belong to me.
All in all
I belong to
You.
—
some part of me is a monk, some part is a bitch and that fact makes me perfect of being a human
💕
(picture from Pinterest)
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