graphs of my Universe
The small is
Hugely
Building me
Strong and
Sweet.
This that
I will embrace
To the
End.
—
This book is one of best reads in my life. If I am to write a book, it should feel this way. True, light and meaningful–
Life cannot be truer, lighter and more meaningful to me now.
Thank you!
one of books that make me fall in love with the you in me❣️ i am to write a review of it ♥️
Coincidently waking up
With light breath
And open eyes
In a good morning
That calls for
Another day.
Some don't know the feel
And it's just a coincidence
For me?
How fair life is!
How unfair life is!
Be blessed, dear.
Be blessed everyday
With the blessings
That come from
Every other way.
—
That coincidence often comes as blessings might have been ingrained in me, even more.
One Coldplay-big-fan friend said to me some time ago “If you have spare ticket for Coldplay in Singapore, please sell it to me.” He really wanted to watch Coldplay in many different places. Seems to him Coldplay has brought in a lot of good meanings into his life. Not denying this possibility, I have to admit the lyrics are powerful for those wanting to look deep in to their own selves.
I said “I will but it is a very thin chance knowing this band has tremendously massive lovers.”
Sorry, friend….
Yet one fine day in January one good friend from Jakarta texted me asking if he can let me buy two Jan 30’s Coldplay show tickets as he was “suddenly” assigned for a biz trip and would not make it to be in Singapore for the show. What a blow! This friend and his wife would have met me before or after the show so I was kind of upset to hear the news. Yet at the same time I remembered that one friend would be super excited to buy the tickets.
What a coincidence!
Long story short the Coldplay-big-fan friend agreed to buy two. He wanted to watch with his friend this time.
Some time after he agreed, he texted me again saying that his friend could not fly in for the show. Honestly I felt it was another coincidence as I was also thinking of going again – I found listening to “Biutyful” live was addictive to me. So, I asked if it was ok for me to buy the other ticket: Coincidently he agreed; he must have really wanted to watch with his special friend yet he welcomed me nicely.
excited in my 3rd watch! more? no, no, it was the last for the “Music of The Spheres World Tour”, now time to enjoy them back in Apple Music 😃
So, this time we watched from above. A very stunning view with all the well-arranged illumination and performance.
Another coincidence. My friend and I didn’t say anything about which tee to wear yet both of us happened to wear the same one: Coldplay 2023 Tokyo special edition design. Wow!
We both went crazy blended with others who were as crazy as us. I don’t know when I will meet him again after the show but I truly thank him for giving me a lesson that someone can love something (in his case a band) that he is capable of explaining almost all fun facts about the band that I didn’t even think exist. Memorizing all songs’ lyrics, knowing albums and EP contents, and so on and so forth! Thank you, KM-san! God bless you. 🙏🏼
I asked him how he could memorise all lyrics. His answer was annoyingly true “If you love something, you will remember.” Damn! I just realized forgetful is my middle name especially when dealing with passwords and where I put small stuff. 😂
Jan 31 was another merry day. My niece watched with her best friend and they stayed overnight in my home after that. Her friend is a journalist who knows how to access “Kampung Badui Kanekes” that I have dreamed of visiting. To my excitement he agreed to escort me to visit the unique ethnic group in Banten anytime I want to go. ♥️
Should I underestimate a coincidence? Or, actually there is no that that we call coincidence. It is just a lesson that we never clearly see and (hopefully) later will be well learnt.
Thank You!!!!
among all this is my favourite photo – Angel Moon❣️ BIUTYFUL!!!
favourite of mine ♥️
Dear,
You.
Could you tell my body
To slow down
And let you go first?
Your Highness Age,
You are too excited
Yes, precise too.
Yet would you please
Leave me an energetic one?
Yours truly,
Weakening Body
—
how i see myself 😍
how my nephews and nieces see me 😂
I wish a nice day for you
And evening so bright,
In one morning wishing you
Good night.
How time
Broadens our space,
It mimes
Every broken wish.
—
The Persistence of Memory (painting by Salvador Dali)
Walking a cross road,
Filling a crossword puzzle
With just a sweet wit
—
never hesitate to walk through a cross road where map is sometimes a second thought, the first is always what my heart says ❣️
Perfect, Beloved?
Universe dancing pattern
With risks and blessings--
—
there is no need to be perfect to be beautiful — it is just about expressing one’s self genuinely
picture from Pinterest
In our next
Next
Next rendezvous
We won't see but white
And laughter
Decorating the day.
All bad times will be forgotten,
Leaving early with the short memory
Giving us only good times
And an ease that next stage
Is just another
Rendezvous.
—
if we all survive by then, my best friends and i will look like this 😍 all of us will wear spectacles 😁 how sweet and romantic a friendship can be ❣️
picture from Pinterest
To remember you is hard
With only shadow in my eyes.
To touch you is hard
With dimensions between us.
To see you is hard
With you unwilling to show up.
To hear you is hard
With your vague heads-up.
Yet to love you is light
As light as light brightening my heart.
—
someone is lucky to be capable of loving even that whose heart is a frozen clover 🍀
Purple is royal,
Then royal becomes too high.
Let white be ruling.
—-
dots, lines, shapes and colours — i used to love purple until one day white looked lighter to both my eyes and head 💕
when light is growing prettier
I'm a river
Forgotten when reaching the sea.
Nothing I can brag about this name.
I'm almost reaching estuary,
A transit for this memory.
I won't stop,
Home is soon to see.
—-
how great, how clear, how far the rivers can be; they will be forgotten once reaching the sea — union after separation
Picture borrowed from https://www.neefusa.org/story/water/what-estuary
Sleep, sleep,
Dearest
As night is welcoming,
Morning is preparing
Another day.
Breathe, breathe,
Dearest
As stars are lullabying,
Moon is cradling
You for the sun.
——
signs of true sickness of mine is when throbbing and piercing headache stays almost 24 hours and leaves me not even care of taking off things from hair and ears after work — yet that is when lying down on bed is a reward 💕
sleeping without even bathing is a blessing ❣️
This path is smooth,
Many have traveled on it.
A lot of hearts were here
Singing hopes through time.
When sun goes down,
This path is glowing.
Many souls were here
Whispering love through space.
Sun will rise again,
Another day will come.
This heart is here
Promising to grow with the flow.
This heart is deciding
Every step is counted
And dedicated to grow prettier,
Making the path smoother.
——
what’s broken can be amended and still beautiful
seeing how life is generous, I can fall in love with the same face again and again; yet when health is getting from bad to worse, I feel this heart is broken now and then
yet life is still generous, so I decide to fall in love everyday 💕
I can only love me
As me is the closest
One
To
You.
——
hello, bitter reality — I will take care of you as I commit to myself 🙏🏼💕
how much hurting the sarcasm, euphemism and talking numbers people intentionally sent to me, it will just hurt themselves 🙏🏼💕
I won’t send blessings anymore as blessings are free for them to earn by themselves 🙏🏼💕
It’s a dilemma
Between safety and beauty.
Each is a glory.
——
falling leaves on a moss garden
red falling leaves are beautiful and I want to experience them again someday yet it is always hard choice to me — always a dilemma between beautiful autumn or short torture of itchy welts
I’m allergic to cold weather — after 1 week I’m getting bad skin rash and itch that won’t let me stop scratching crazily on the itchy part; my recent Kyoto was the worst so far
I should have had antihistamine with me so all the falling leaves and moss garden images wouldn’t have been shaken by my skin-scratching disco 😂
I still wish to be back someday 💕 not in an extension of biz trip, but a personal leave only 😍
It’s me.
Which me?
This me,
That me,
Me out,
Me in,
Me right,
Me left.
I want the best me
That’s happy.
——
a temple with many statues made by a monk artist’s stone carving students
one statue represents one student’s personality — I guess
hundreds of them
asked to choose one, I did this one — laughing at myself is a best part of getting older and mature; the only one that can’t be not serious in is my work! 💕
About Otagi Nenbutsu-ji Temple
This fragrance that travels in to the breathing brings me to where unknown stories were told.
Who built you,
Dear home?
Who grew with you,
Dear home?
Who left you,
Dear home?
I feel you,
Dear home.
Today I stay with
You
To realise that
Home is where breathing feels so real.
——
my favourite room where the fragrance of hinoki wood and tatami is the strongest — I feel home 😃
thank you!
I thought I would stay in a boutique hotel made from a machiya
I found that I am alone in a two-story fragrant machiya which is 3 times bigger than the condo unit I live in Singapore — won’t stay alone next time!
THE FRAGRANCE!!! ♥️
About machiya
If someday the age counts no more;
I want to be remembered as
A girl who resides in an old soul,
A woman who cradles teen’s heart,
A foe who wins with no glories,
A friend who shares joy,
A sister who carries responsibilities,
A daughter who pays homage,
A human being who makes mistakes,
A nobody who learns lessons,
A fool who scavenges wisdom.
And that’s what I will call
Alive.
——
hidden grey hair and new spectacles made my day; finally giving up to progressive lenses after 4 years of denying that my eyes are not young anymore — enjoying a bowl of Vietnamese pho bo shot candid by a friend visiting from Jakarta — so blessed to be almost 50 with the heart of teen 😂🎉😎
I flipped this body down
To see the world upside down
My first effort brought frown
Still I decided to go on
I’m hanging my satchel
I’m hanging my pole
I’m taking all as it is
From behind the scroll
——
this is my favourite photo of mine although I don’t look good at all: I’m simply upside down with fun as how I see the world outside my work, trying to relax by seeing things from different perspectives and understanding others’ esp those disagreeing with me —
to me most of the time caption is more important than picture and I always like to tease my friends with my caption and some usually cannot stop commenting although irrelevantly 😀
There’s a seed
Called self
Needing love
And care
And consistency
To grow,
To glow,
To everlastingly flow.
——
started fermented rice water to treat my long hair — this one is black rice + rose tea + lime
shampoo bar and conditioner bar made of longsheng rice that is used by the Red Yao women for their beautiful long hair — after using these bought bars, I plan to make my own shampoo bar from Indonesia rice and conditioner liquid from boiled flaxseed water
💕
all in the name of self care because no one cares about myself but me
💚
The bow that launches
Is the arrow that is shot:
An exhibit by the
One
That honour is inevitably
Gorgeous
For that
Respecting
From that
Witnessing.
Salute to the bowstring.
——
I have learnt how to genuinely respect my teachers and other human beings even more after learning meditation in Bali Usada — I humbly thank you, Pak Merta Ada. I bow to the divine in you and all my fellow Tapa Brata participants 🙏🏼
it was a sunny day so Pak Merta Ada invited us all to end the Tapa Brata with 1-hour meditation under the blessed bodhi tree — hope health and calmness be granted to all of us ♥️
Pak Ishak giving his testimony about the noble silence, Ibu Lady his wife video shooting him — the oldest participants in this Tapa Brata 2 we all cordially respect
canang under a tree as a daily respect to it for being part of the environment protection
torch ginger is the most grown herb in Bali Usada meditation center — yummy and fragrant when cooked
💚
Three of us stayed in bungalow #4 for 12 days of which in 1st-11th we didn’t talk to each other. We just took turn of using bathroom, switching on/off light at 3:30am and 10:00pm, making sure towel racks were sunbathed, replenishing toilet tissue, cleaning bathroom. All were done in silence in between meditation sessions, physical exercises, meals and lectures. Only at the last night after Tapa Brata was officially summed up, we could not stop sharing about our life journey until 2:00am.
Tami is 32, Fitri is 33 and I am 48: I am the oldest but I am the baby in meditation — they meditated 1.5 hours without changing position, I did but could not stop “ngereog” in the last 5 to 10 minutes.
My age doesn’t mean anything with these 2 ladies of harmonious mind.
See you again, my little sisters! Anicca! 💕
ngereog literally means performing reog dance; Tami used the word to describe someone’s intense movement during meditation due to muscle stress 😂
Ibu Lady, Srimurni and I showered by the morning light right after morning meditation and no shower (yet) — Srimurni was one of those could not stop talking to me after the Tapa Brata 😄
pure friendship is such a magical bond 💕
This life’s pilgrimage
Spiralling in to the core
Of old house within.
——
a mosque in Tokyo — Tokyo Jamii (Camii)
entrance — assalamualaikum, Tokyo Camii
mosque area – 2nd floor
i still know how to do sholat tahiyatul masjid (praying to respect mosque), recite QS Arrahman that is full of gratitudes and praises so i did it
the feel was exactly like when i pray in the temples and shrines
a feeling of home 💕
then a beautiful sister helped me with photo taking — she made me much taller, slimmer yet less me 😁 thank you 💕
time to fly home — thank you, Tokyo 💕
you make me love myself more and more, with all the wounds and scars
They have said
I am lost.
What I see…
I am in a forest away
From comfort of thought.
I am not in a castle
In which mind is blunted.
My heart finds home
In which 25 prophets
And 1000 saints
Have found the paths.
It is a way
That all Prophets and Saints bless.
I am home
With the flow
That brings petals
To where fragrance blends
With clarity of fluids,
Various fluids
Gliding to a vast ocean
Of love.
——
i don’t care anymore what i am called by them — Muslim? Alhamdulillah, Sufi? Subhanallah, Buddhist? Masya Allah
what i am sure of is that my sutra is sutra of love with which all prophets and saints have travelled, whatever religions they have been associated with
thank you
💕
There are two gateways
To enter one gallery
Full of works of art.
——
my left side of face is sadder, bitter and negative with which i’ve been made more and more accepting to unwelcoming sides of life 💕
my right is happier, sweeter and optimistic that has persuaded me to be more and more letting go of what is not working after some good deed 💕
whatever unpleasant and pleasant things others say about me, i feel complete with some gap that might not need to be bridged simply to show that imperfection is a perfect gift in life 💕
Note: the picture at the bottom is batik scarf designed by Dudung Aliesyahbana, a batik maestro from Pekalongan, Central Java
Have a seat, dear friends.
Breathe this home before our chat.
Leave the heat outside.
Pages of shapes and colours,
Tell them to bring their best selves.
——
Coffee table books are good to make guests relaxed before longer chat with me and at the same time to lay foundation of the chat. Not all guests visit me to chill out; some do to ask for help that might make it difficult for them to start a convo, so some flash reading can help them break the ice and sometimes for the host to loop back to the ice breakers when strategising to refuse unreasonable requests. 😉
Just fyi, some people don’t easily give up “selling misery to get a buy-in”, so be softly tough; one exquisite coffee table book might not even work.
About coffee table books
coffee table books taking turn monthly to welcome my friends
this book contains reproduced masterpieces of world’s well-known painters; the characters in the original paintings are all replaced by cats
all reproductions are by Susan Herbert
thank you, Ma’am for your art! 🙏🏼
here is very few from a total of 140 illustrations
The Beguiling of Merlin — Edward Burne-Jones, 1872-7
A Couple — Pierre Auguste-Renoir c. 1868
The Milkmaid — Johannes Vermeer c. 1660
The Child’s Bath — Mary Bassat, 1893
this is originally not a coffee table book but i will make it one — currently reading it 👏🏼
always suitable anytime so it will be forever on the table accompanied by the monthly one — only women have this power 😊
What is said
Can be misunderstood.
What is shown
Can be misinterpreted.
What is written
Can be misled.
Only those who clarifies
Will be clear.
Relax.
——
sometimes you just want to relax whatever whoever thinks of you 😊 ‘coz only those who really clarify will understand — those who guess too much will lose so much 😎
the seats
the door
the aisle
Caution, Beloved
Walking down the hill with care.
Climbing hasn’t ended.
——
going downstairs is oftentimes more risky than upstairs — my father’s last words to me before he died was “…. be cautious”
All these are borrowed,
I’ll have to return all.
Let me borrow humbly,
So all won’t make me fall.
So much has been blessed to,
So much has been given to,
So much has been here now for,
This life.
It’s all what is,
And I accept.
I give up all struggles
To travel light.
Thank
You.
——
The Corrs
When I was a girl
I admired my mother’s beauty;
Being a juvenile,
I admired my sisters’ and girlfriends’;
When adult,
I admired my idols’;
Getting more mature,
I admired flowers’;
All of which forgetting
The beauty in front of the mirror:
Now I admire no one’s,
But I appreciate everyone’s;
All through realising
The beauty reflected in the mirror.
——
beauty after beauty
beauty refreshed
tell your beautiful self “Thank you!”
My life is sugar cane
That I chew in summer day
Before singing.
My life is honeycomb
That I suck in rainy day
Before whistling.
My life is a bowl of ice cream
That I dig in on a quiet day
Before humming.
My life is sweetness of heart
That I choose
Before resting.
——
i wish to be back someday to enjoy it in summer 💕
With no white towel
I surrender
To the realm that hugs this heart.
I am water flowing
With no effort
To the ocean that waits for this mind.
How would this name
Say no to a call that sings love songs?
I submit everything
With a smile
And grace.
Body, mind, spirit and soul—
-
Jun 10, 2023
when the air taps my whole reality
with everything subtle and overwhelming
——
please excuse my strong arms 😀
after the Tapa Brata my classmates and I are still escorted to meditate everyday of 60 minutes for 90 days
it should be 36th day today but i only have 33 days in which i am able to do full meditation — in fact my doctor was quite surprised that unbelievable progress is indicated in better numbers from the laboratory test result after i meditate regularly — happy tears 🥹
my health is much better with calmness that is on track and harmonious thought that builds gradually
i’ve registered to next level Tapa Brata next Sep so i can get more benefits to help certain issues in this beloved aging body and to strengthen my mind
can’t wait to meet with the wise teachers who guide us and humble caretakers who help us with daily needs in Forest Island 🥰
i don’t know for sure what i can share from my achievement through meditation yet maybe someday i can help others reduce health complaints at low cost — i’ve always wanted to cure diseases with fragrance and herbs; my high intelligent friends said “pseudoscience, a crap wrapped in fancy paper”, i said “it doesn’t matter at least i can help them feel calmer and think positive”
all what happen in my life are like magic both the unexpected and expected — i hope my meditation brings more good magical celebrations to me and my beloved family and friends
and all…
May All Beings Be Happy
💕
rike jokanan 
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