Category: Those People

Some People Asked

Learning, Poetic, Those People
Some people asked
Why I liked writing poems.
My answer was simple

Because that was the only way
I could tell my truth.

Then they told me to
Use  naked words to tell the truth
To them then I did.

Those people asked again
Why I used naked words to tell the truth.
My answer was simple

Because you asked me to
Then they excluded me.

I'm writing poems now
And forever.

and with the poems I spray fragrance with which I decorate my truth so those particular people will get lost in their own mind that is so confusing like a maze

missing home…. sometimes human beings don’t need to rest from work, they just need to rest from drama

Sunset That Burns

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

It burns what has been packed
And ready to depart
From where a line between boundaries are drawn.

It burns with love.

It burns with life.

It burns forever,
An eternal flame.

it’s the 40th day of my mother’s passing today and we commemorate it through a Javanese traditional ceremony, assimilated with some Islamic tradition

one of the menu in the ceremony basket is “kacang cenggereng” (fried peanuts) which is not only a snack but also a symbol

it’s a symbol of respect to the one passing and hope that the passing is safely welcomed in the next life

yellow is a very suitable colour for my mother’s crossing day as it symbolises happiness

may she be happy to meet her Beloved

terima kasih, Ibu, please send my warm regard to my father

💛

yellow, Ibu 😁💛

Happy Birthday, Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Sweet heart, Beloved
Lingers so long, stays alive,
Connects what across.

My mother is supposed to be 81 years old if she’s alive physically. I’m sure she’s happy across, seeing I’m happy. I know she knows I miss her everyday– there is still empty seconds in the morning when I wake up seeing no WhatsApp message from her.

I’ll keep all about you in me forever, Ibu. Love ya much much❣️

Send my best regard to my father who probably is sitting with you all the time talking about you offspring.

Terima kasih, Ibu.

the last screenshot of our video call on Aug 16, 2025

even with just half of her teeth, she still is beautiful

💕

Imperfection (ranting)

Learning, This Person, Those People

I never expect a teacher to be perfect yet I never want a teacher (who claim her/himself) teacher to tak about what’s (s/he considers) not better than her/him. 

Yes, I’ve “ordained” that my primary teacher is one, that that I’ve listened to & read since I was a high schooler with big respect and trust because his life is well verified and he is consistent about what he’s fought for– those underprivileged in my beloved country. He’s been physically ill and unable to directly greet us. And that was probably one reason that I tried to find another teacher as there are bits and pieces that I might gain from a class with teacher rather than reading alone. Other than that I had one discussion group.

Yet I could not ordain this new teacher to be a primary. Not because he’s not intelligent or scientifically resourceful. He is very much; however, this honored person could not stop talking about other people that one thinks not better, not right, not exclusive, not right, not this, not that. I’ve been in every week and in every meeting there is always word to highlight how others outside are misled.

No, I can’t make this one a primary teacher. This one is as ordinary as others, as me– yet as he is very intelligent I still make this one source of bits and pieces.

No, I don’t hate this one. I just can’t accept fully because of the 60% quality that I can’t see in one. I don’t tell my friend by whom I was connected to this one. I appreciate her kindness and generosity for this connection; yet I’ve found her to be like this teacher: others outside are not right….

Life is so perfectly imperfect; and I’m a consistently imperfect student of life.

Thank you, dear Beloved for giving me extraordinary and ordinary teacher so I can see both perfection and imperfection in myself.

September was good. She showed me teacher who likes to underestimate others outside the class through humble words. She also sent me a friend who is so angelic that I felt uncomfortable to be near her.

Both look perfect in their own place. The teacher is regarded as very scientifically resourceful one– no deficiency of knowledge. The friend is regarded as an angelic one– no stain in her soul.

I’m a human being so I need a perfect teacher whose ethics is at least 50% of one’s quality; the other 50 is shared between knowledge and clear thinking. Because wisdom is not only what’s memorised by teacher but what’s becoming daily conduct as a role model.

I’m a human being so I need an imperfect friend whose flexibility is enough for us to laugh together. Because the rest is not about whether the gathering ia full of wise words or sacred knowledge, but how a friend is welcomed howsoever dirty and low the conduct is; otherwise we are not friends.

Humming Heart (ranting)

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
She's a hummingbird
Flying her colours and voice.
Garden of Eden--

If people ask what one thing I’d do at home when I’m doing other relaxing things?

The answer: humming❣️

Humming is the power of someone who loves singing but not memorise the lyrics. It’s what makes the amateur singer feel so proud of herself of singing beautifully without words, voice and tones are right, words are hidden. 😁

Today my household chores are not as many as before yet still I want to be home longer; I have a book to read then share my reading to my family and friends. I also have a sheet of white fabric to experiment shibori stitching.

Saturday is never boring with humming.

my mom used to ask “what are you cooking for this Saturday?” then “that’s delicious! wanna try! cook it for us when you’re home” then I would call her sharing laughter & jokes

no I’m not sad but I miss her love, compassion, stories, jokes, intimacy between mother and daughter

I’m so blessed with her being my mother; and still so blessed to have siblings and in-laws that understand intimacy is the glue of our family

thank you❣️

time to let my physical, heart & soul hum softly as part of my gratitude for the love around me 💕

Terima Kasih

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Kata orang aku sedih,
Bukan sedih.
Aku hanya rindu
Padamu
Ibu,
Yang padamu rasa terima kasihku tak lekang oleh waktu,
Yang padamu rasa cintaku tak pernah layu oleh masa,
Yang padamu rasa rinduku tak pernah kering oleh panas,
Yang padamu rasa ikhlasku makin padat sebelum menjadi ledakan saat kita bersatu.

Terima kasih, Ibu.

what I can remember about you, Ibu 🥰❣️

maybe this is what you’re doing now, Ibu 😁❣️

6666

Learning, love, This Person, Those People

On the way to office a car passed; its plate number: 6666

At young I studied Quran-based numerology in which 6 is equivalent with the letter ح the initial of the word حبل (from which the word cable was derived) which is associated with rope, & connection or any function or meaning the same shade to them.

The word cable best describes as it indicates “a rope loadable with current or energy or surge or electricity” just like connection between humans.

Do you believe the strongest connection between humans is that between mother & her biological child? I didn’t believe even at least 3 people warned me of how “painful” it was for them to be left by mother, until she passed away. Now I can feel it: like the surge of electricity stopped abruptly, no current flows to reach the other side, there is a big gaping hole waiting for occupant. Dramatic? That’s what it feels & I can’t be more thankful for being able to feel it– I thought I didn’t strongly connect to my mom; it’s wrong. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have had this “I miss you” everyday. 🥰

No, no I’m not sad at all now. I was sad only until the 7th day of “tahlil”, then hearing bunch of confessions how good she was as a human. My mother’s death is never a tragedy, it’s always what she’d been waiting for: to rest from the earthly drama (I can’t imagine how she could be so kind & patient), meeting her husband (the handsome kind gentlemen) & ultimately meeting her Beloved (maybe it’s the only one she’d wanted).

For those (esp at my age) not connecting to mother with all your heart, connect now. I’m almost 100% sure all children have missed their mother’s point or if not they’ve consumed her heart ignorantly. ❤️‍🩹

Alfatihah to her, more & more with bigger & bigger love– See you. 💕☘️❣️

Face It

Learning, life, This Person, Those People

Sometimes something scary is something that we need to truly face. It’s a door that we must enter. It’s a book that we shall read. It’s a podcast that we’ve gotta listen to. It’s the very uncomfortable fact about what’s within that we need to unknot to fully see our own selves clearly and wholeheartedly.

I have friends, good friends, close friends and I know exactly what they like to talk about and what they don’t like to talk about. Some don’t like talking about money. Some don’t like talking about romance. Some don’t like talking about ancestor. Some don’t like talking at all, just making uh or oh in the conversation. And I like testing whiteout their knowing being tested.

I want to tap their mind that some things are disliked not because it’s not good, it’s simply because it’s not familiar.

Anyway after several times I will try anymore. What for? If they think it’s useless to talk about it with me, I might not be the right one to tap that part. If they think it’s useless to talk about it, it might not be the topic they need to learn or unlearn in this period of time.

Let the door open by itself. I feel enough to know the need; at the same time I come to a realisation that some people don’t need help to wake up, or some people don’t need to wake up that way.

😁

dear life, guide me to every door of mine, each of them is facing you — if all doors are open & what’s behind is shown to me, how beautiful the diamond of love you’ve given to me as I can see it from all facets of its cut

💕

He & I Might Be Wrong, But

Learning, life, love, Those People

As a Muslim I am grateful that someone prominent attested about Islam this way.

I’m not a religious one but I read the Qur’an and Sirah (history of Prophet Muhammad) with very little external guidance as I’ve lost some trust to the religion authority interpreting the teaching & causing distrust to the real teaching of the religion.

I might be wrong but I’m trying to seek what’s relevantly meaningful to my life from the content of the Qur’an and Sirah. And I pray that I’ve got the intelligence, integrity, ethics, humanity that’s wrapped as love.

Salam.

he might be wrong just like me but at least he is experiencing things from his own very hands to tell what it is

happy weekend, everyone

fyi, it said the videos are unavailable; not sure what WordPress is trying to do but both are about Joe Rogan attesting about Islam which (according to him) is totally against what have been described by the West

💕

Red Bird

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People
Red bird, Beloved
Flies home bringing her redness
Welcoming the light.

it takes some time to accept that the woman called mother has left me physically

it’s ok, it’s just taking time to accept that there’s a hole called “missing you, ibu” anytime unexpectedly

thank you, ibu

♥️

Love Isn’t Faraway

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
I feel so languid,
Between losing and letting go.
Memories are swarming,
Reminding that life is short
And farewell is just an inch away.
What's grey has turned to lively colours that stay.
What's dark has rekindled what's dead and now alive.
Love is never faraway,
It is for a while hiding
To show up when hope is fading away.
There's nothing I hear
But heartbeats singing love song
From afar, moving closer and closer.
Love is never faraway,
It's just hiding to find a way
To disclose what's true in
Expression and will always stay.

my last wefie with her, physically faraway but her love always stays

Head Bowed to Love

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
I'm bowing this head
Like sunflower to the sun
That sets then slips down.

It’s not easy to lose. It’s not easy to lose my mother. It’s not easy to lose my mother who has been so gently loving all of us. It’s not easy to lose my mother who has been so gently loving all of us with the ups and downs in our relationships. It’s not easy to lose her indeed.

This is the day on which I have to totally live normal without her presence. Today is the last day when most of our family members gather in her home. One by one we are going back to reality bringing a gaping hole in our heart called “mother, how are you today”.

No WhatsApp. No call. No monthly bank transfer. No laugher of silly things. No sad cry. No gossip about my late father. No “what’s for lunch”. No “have you taken your pills?”. No this. No that. Small things that built a castle called love have stopped coming; one by one the memories that we’ve saved fade away.

I just hope that this castle can be a temple where I worship love, not other types of building. 💕

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

It’s my first morning without my mom’s messages.

It feels….

Singapore, 2017 with Ibu – she didn’t know I was sick & neither did I yet she complained about my body weight that according to her was indicating something she didn’t know what…. a mother knows her daughter

It was so fun – everyday was jalan-jalan… I know she didn’t enjoy being out of hone too long as she was a homebody but I made her

terima kasih, Ibu

💕

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Aku sayang Ibu.

our last video call

the last time I saw you was just yesterday when I had a video call with Yogi & Ocka – you smiled sweetly ☺️☘️💕❣️

terima kasih, Ibu…. 😘☘️❣️

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Aku tak pernah tahu
Rasa apa yang lain
Darimu buatku
Selain cinta.

Aku tak pernah tahu
Hadiah apa yang lain
Darimu buatku
Selain doa.

Tapi kau pasti tahu
Aku salah paham akan cintamu,
Aku sering lupa mendoakanmu,
Kau juga tahu aku akan tahu.

Aku tahu.
Jangan ragu, Ibu.

ibu, you annoyed me by not opening the video ☺️❣️

in Jogja ☘️💙❣️

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
No one, Ibu
But
You
Who loves me without questioning,
Trusts me without doubting,
Gives all to me without expecting,
Lets go off your belonging for me without counting,
Does all for me without calculating.
Is it because you are a perfect human being?
But no!
It's because you see your perfection in me and
See my imperfection in you.

I always said I don't want to be like you.
You're too perfect to be copied:
Your patience:
Being abandoned,
Left,
Betrayed,
Cheated,
Lied to,
Hated,
Marginalised,
And so much more.
Your gift:
Being generous,
Kind,
Soft,
Lovely,
Caring,
Acceptant,
Lovable,
Humane,
And so much more.

Dear, Ibu.
I want to talk about you
All the time now
Because I can't talk to you
Anymore.

Yes I can
But without your voice
Kicking softly on my eardrums
Giggling about our silly days.

But I assure you:
I am letting you go wholeheartedly,
I will take care of your legacy,
I will love those whom you love, too.

Ibu, I wish I could still
hug you....

ibu, terima kasih ya….

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Terima kasih ya
Sudah jadikanku bagian badanmu,
Bagian jiwamu,
Bagian hidupmu.
Cuma kamu yang tiap pagi WhatsApp aku selama 13 tahun setiap pagi di manapun aku berada.
Aku kadang sebel
Tapi sering tidak sebel,
Aku suka. Rasanya seperti kau manja.
Aku janji hanya kuingat yang bikin aku makin dekat denganmu.
Sedihmu,
Bahagiamu,
Sakitmu,
Sehatmu,
Janjimu,
Cintamu.

you might not be the smartest woman on earth but trust me, Ibu you are the wisest of all – I won’t replace you with anyone

💙

terima kasih yaaa….

😘

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Ibu,
Thank you for becoming the gate for me to this life.
One day I said to you,
"Who knows I'll have a daughter like you have me?"
You said,
"Amen. Pray. All is good."
Then I said to you again,
"Do you love me?"
You said,
"All mothers love the children."
I said again,
"But I think you love my brothers better because they are men and I'm a woman who is not considered more valuable in our tradition?"
You smiled saying,
"You are stronger. Much stronger."

ibu, terima kasih ya ☺️

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
There was so much time
When we were together.
There was so much time
When we were separated.
There's time.
Yes, there's still time,
Ibu.

ingat ibu….

Life Is A Trip

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
If I'm in a trip,
I'd be with the Lone Ranger,
Or with my Tonto.

I’m 50 years old next week. I still want to live next many years in good health although this body needs to compromise with speed and strength. And I want to have more trips– both professional and personal.

While professionally I go alone almost all of the time and not expect to change it; I’d like to have a travel buddy personally.

He should be….

😎

someone that knows how to pack nicely both in backpack & suitcase

someone that doesn’t have to stay in 5-star as long as it’s with me

someone that doesn’t bother to have ice cream because the restaurant is fully booked

someone who is not ashamed to have fun in simple way although it looks weirdly cheap

someone who likes to sing under the rain

someone who rides motorbike… yaaay!

who drives much better than I do

he’s my Lone Ranger or Tonto, whichever he needs to be when with me

who?

not sure, I won’t overthink as I can find all those within me except the driving one 😁

I’m gonna be 50 &

yes I’m just me that’s gonna be 50 wholeheartedly.

Yes, He’s My Teacher

Learning, Those People

Emha Ainun Nadjib (Cak Nun or Mbah Nun) is the only spiritual teacher that has been in my life since I was around 15 years old. I started reading his poems, articles, essays, etc in printed mass media by then. He was a social justice activist, an artist, an intellectual, a thinker, a columnist, whatever people called him. He was dubbed “Kiai Mbeling” (naughty religious teacher) at that time.

A lot of his analysis he made have happened every now and then. I’m one of the witnesses of all the political unrest that he did predict through data analysis & social sensitivity of his. Many people are late listening to them, late seeing them, missing a lot of facts that were his analysis. However, until today there are many disrespecting him.

Has he become angry because of the way he’s been treated? No! He knows. He understands. He always tells us to go with the God’s flow. Accept gracefully your life.

Once I asked for advice; I was in one of difficult times in life. He just said “Always flow with Gusti Allah, only that.”

Until now I’m still one of his students of life. I respect him for his humble life. He never has more than IDR100,000 in his pocket and he will try his best to give it away to anyone around him needing it.

In this very difficult time in our country we his circle so much miss him. He’d been tamers in many unrest even when the news was never out to the media.

Today he’s still weak and can’t be present physically to tame some important heads.

I personally pray that he soon stands up! Tell them, Cak Nun that this country is exhausted of the corruption & arrogance of greedy politicians.

Dear, God. Please grant our prayers.

Dear, Motherland. Please arrange a real peace for your children.

Amen.

☘️❣️🇮🇩💕

Cak Nun, it’s time! Please stand up & tell them to stop.

If

Learning, Poetic, Those People
If you were a king,
What would you be like, my love?
Would you let me know?

😎

☘️

🤪

☕️

💙

💙

🤯

🤣😘

💕

🤣🤣🤣😘❣️

Dewdrops

Learning, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Dewdrops, Beloved
Reflect her face glistening
Welcoming morning.

reflection, mirroring, reciprocity – without it, nothing should proceed as only with two the tango will go, the dance of universe

I’m Saved, Are You?

Learning, Poetic, Those People
There are ways
For those hiding
To stay hidden.
There are ways
For those running
To keep running.
There are ways
For those struggling
To forever struggle.
They say they do it
For those they love.
They claim they do it
For those they care.
They pledged they do it
For those they respect.
Is it true?
Words can lie.
Numbers can manipulate.
Silence can cover.
Yet eyes can't bury
What's sliding with tears
On the face of reality.

Don't lie to me
Honesty saves everyone's time.
I have no time
To have fun
If fun is your way to hide
Your true face from me.
Save yourself
By letting go
Off the masks
That you wear even when alone.
Let it fall off
And I will stride away
With a lot of pray.

Father

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

May 2 is a special day. It is Indonesia’s National Education Day at the same time the date when my father passed away.

I pray for him always. Yet on his birthday and on his death day I recite special prayer for him.

My father
Is a book mark
With which I remember
Where I should restart.
He is not part of the book,
But with him reading would feel so light.

Mother to Child

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Dear, Child.
Look at the stars
Blinking their signs;
The shooting star
Burning their directions;
The glowing sky
Telling their histories.

Dear, Child.
Listen to the old songs.
See the old galaxies.
Touch the swirling dusts.
Taste the sweetness of comets.
Smell the expanding universe.
All no limit
But your definition.

Hug me
As we travel.
Trust me
As we wander.
Like I hug
You,
Like I trust
You.

Dear Child.

body and soul is like a female and a male in a marriage as discussed in classes of spirituality

in Javanese tradition body is symbolizing the female that is also the earth — accepting, submissive and intuitive; while soul is symbolizing the male that is also the heaven — giving, powerful and guiding

yet to me it’s not always that way; to me yes body and soul is like a mother and a child — the mother holding an infant (can be a girl or a boy) in a state that the mother is making sure the child is purely happy

I personally believe as long as the soul remains childlike, the body is not suffering — accepting what is is the key

about this life I sometimes don’t want to define as definition is a limit

and so I don’t force my understanding to anyone even to those I love the most because spiritual experience is very personal, cannot be forced, can only be synchronised through mutual journey

that’s why spiritual journey is called silent path; even when we’re in the same discussion room, the expansion of understanding might be different from one another

let’s accept our own silent path with no judgment

❣️

Notes: it’s my personal thought, doesn’t mean to influence anyone, a ranting of a life traveler

Tanda (Yura Yunita)

Learning, love, Those People

Yura has been a star singing for me. I downloaded almost all of her songs in Apple Music.

She’s released a new song “Tanda” recently and it is another praying song that is so much enjoyable and uplifting.

Never bored of listening to the voice of this singer with a beautiful heart —

God bless you, Yura.

Thanks for singing from the heart. When you sing, I feel like praying with you.

💕