Maybe it is you
That sits on every sea wave
Gently touching me--
You
Tag: blessings
A Door
A door, Beloved
Your way I take to enter
The way of loving--
some people said to me directly and some indirectly “my way or no way”
my life is like one-way highway with no U-turn with which the choice is chosen by itself, go ahead and that’s it! when I choose my way, the way becomes bumpy and muddy and not safe,
so I’ve never really thought about my way
letting it be instructed through my heart and follow Life’s way
so when some ask “my way or no way”, I’ll smile and think
maybe those people’s life has been so easy and smooth that all their way is running without any interruption or alteration or even 100% negotiation
maybe
but I again just smile and try to understand while waiting whose way is winning
Camouflage
Hiding in colours
Quiet, before partying again
With the same colours--
I realised that someone can show the world what’s the opposite to be able to do whatever they like behind the stage.
A man said to a woman that his parents didn’t approve the marriage with her so that he could marry another her.
A man marry a woman hiding his true sexual orientation. Once married people think he is a sexually straight, ignoring that he is giving hell to the woman who blindly loves him.
Skeleton in the cupboards — No!
camouflage to be exact
Honesty saves everyone’s time.
🙃
Dear
Dear Life,
Thanks for the luck
That goes on
And on
Between your fingers
Caressing my hair
With love.
Gift
A gift, Beloved
Wrapped with a curled pink ribbon
For all that she loves--
my life is a gift that I share with those close around me
my gift might not be expensive but it’s the best I can present
when time is up, I hope all that I love will have received the blessing I silently promise to share with them
♥️
The Way
The way, Beloved
A way that is not one way
Made for everyone--
In the last discussion I said something unplanned. I just felt that it was the right way to say, to liberate the self that had refused to be molded or shaped with no consent.
“I feel that my journey has no pattern, I just flow, I’m always a human being in the making, I’m probably ever unfinished, always in progress”.
Today while doing the household chores, I’d been thinking if I really had no pattern. Brownian Movement, my favourite physical phenomenon that has always made me contemplate how random someone can be, is even seemingly random, yet it is statistically patterned; it’s just unpredictable. The zigzag movement will distribute particles evenly in the medium. Fabulous!
So of course I know I’m not that random.
Maybe I just need to sleep more to be more random. 🙃
the graph shows pattern
maybe I look like this to people not knowing me well & im ok with that ☺️
Karma
My biggest karma is not my family & closest friends.
It is being me in this very life,
With choices to make
And decisions to take.
Thank
You,
Life.
I’m the sunflowers that follow the sun, that will only stop moving when it sets.
Home
A home, Beloved
Where heart hums to see beauty
In just greenery--
this is where my long weekend resides (Jogja, where Mount Merapi & Prambanan Temple are pinned)
where I bike & walk in my free time, Singapore greenery
Changi Terminal 2, the airport that I mostly take off to fly out before always coming back to my second home, Singapore
Headache
Headache, Beloved
Tiara with her gemstones
Glowing dignity--
I’d had headache for these past 3 days and no better even with the super meds called Paramex 🙂 I took one-day medical leave to meet the doc then on Friday I worked from home to gain more comfort while working.
I kept complaining until just now realizing that this was that I felt before; it was when I had a growth inside my brain untreated. The headache was significantly reduced (up to 99% by my gross calculation: from everyday to once in several months like this time).
How I thank God that this headache has tried reminding me that this time I feel so much better than before, the years of constant headache every single day.
Ah! Thank you!
Thank you for the realization that life shall have sickness to know that health is a true blessing. Then both sickness & health are blessings indeed.
Thank you!
if my headaches in those years to be exchanged with a head piece, I want a tiara with diamond & emerald – elegantly pressing the head for beauty & dignity
New Year
New year, Beloved
An open door with a smile
Keeping soul leaping--
welcome the new year of Javanese lunar year cum Islamic new year
The Sun
What if the sun never rises again?
I might also lose my sunflowers.
The yellow in my life fades away,
With the calming breathing at the end.
At least I love, Beloved,
At least I've loved
You so much.
Coffee Flowers
Coffee flowers, Love
It breathes what I long for much,
Poisons me with love.
coffee flowers – I used to see many at the backyard of my uncle’s house in Jogja
I loved breathing its fragrance every morning and afternoon when I had the time to stroll along the path
yet not as many now
I love breathing coffee fragrance but not drinking it as much
Clarity
Clarity, my love
Is silence that loudly says
About who you are.
some people talk about honesty as if honesty is falling hair of theirs – nothing but waste….
…. not because honesty doesn’t mean anything; yet because they claim being honest but actually lying.
once I thought you were this, and your signs said you were this until all birds then messengers coming saying that you are that….
honesty saves everyone’s time….
1) when honesty is about dishonesty
2) when it is the talking of the walk
3) when it is the walking of the talk
🙃
so clear to me, after meeting a friend yesterday
☺️
Fallen
Gravity, my love
Pulls me to Mother Earth's lap
To be just like her.
Weather
Weather is my boat
From one condition
To the next
Until I arrive
At my intended address
Where I greet flowers and fruits
Hanging so close to my hands.
my dream rambutan & starfruit
my dream climbing roses
Start The Day
Start the day, my love
With bright eyes and dancing tongue.
A day to excite--
a bowl of “pempek from Palembang & “sambal ijo” from Padang with a piece of boiled duck leg starting my day
time to clean the house & packing for tomorrow’s exciting trip 😍
A Gift
A gift, Beloved
Breeze bringing a good fragrance
Keeping me with you.
I bought a box of gift for myself – perfume 💗
patchouli is one of my favourite fragrances, it is mostly harvested in Indonesia — there’s a documentary about how patchouli farmers are ‘exploited” for perfume industry
I’m cruelly aware that my liking to scent is making me part of the exploitation. What should I do?
….thinking in awareness & with compassion
If I’m To Be
If I’m to be a somewhere,
I’d love to be a flower garden
Where butterflies walk their life cycles;
A river bank
Where dragonflies daydream on the grass tips;
A pond
Where frogs get sleepy on the water lily pads;
A forest edge
Where fireflies breathe peacefully;
A meadow
Where silence and crowd collide;
A space
Where you only live to love.
Locked
It's locked, Beloved.
Hiding from those not wanted,
Enjoying close doors.
I put my Instagram account back to private from being public. I am not a public figure and not selling anything so why should it be in public mode?
Actually when being public, the account started getting random people following me (although I removed them right away). Not those I wish to follow me 😁
WordPress is still the best platform where I can rant about the public policy and service in my country without being questioned “why are you talking about thing you don’t know?” and whisper about my silent journey within.
Needing some time to stay submerged–
wanting my back garden door in this colour 😍 the one between Japanese garden and the back yard
A Reason Enough To Marry
I feel the need to listen to this.
Thank you, Mbak Rani.
Island
The isle, Beloved
Sails inch by inch through calm breeze
Telling me to breathe.
Dewdrops
Dewdrops, Beloved
Reflect her face glistening
Welcoming morning.
reflection, mirroring, reciprocity – without it, nothing should proceed as only with two the tango will go, the dance of universe
Duality, Unity, O
One, two, Beloved,
Numbers to start a journey
To the zero point.
With ageing I am able to feel the surge of high energy I experienced before. With broken heart I’m so thankful that I’ve got love in this heart. With thirst I appreciate how freshness of water cures me. With the stuck in the head I become more and more familiar that flowing is the only way to love. With scarcity I can grow sense of gratitude with even just a little hope in life.
It’s you. Yes, it’s you. None other but you that makes me. None other but you that puts meaning on the word me. None other but you that moves all this life within me.
How can I be feeling so detached….
If you are the one attaching in all my senses?
If you are the one behaving with this corpse?
If you are the one drawing a circle for me to circumambulate until the two dots meet?
If you are the one?
I surrender. I retreat.
To
You.
Lessons Learnt
Lessons, Beloved
Learnt! She feels tired and dumb
And just wants to sleep.
I experienced an intense fun last Friday evening. I was about to check in and the machine said it could not find my name and so redirect me to the check-in counter.
Airline staff (AS): Ma’am, you are not at this flight.
Me: But I booked it.
AS: You booked it for another date?
Me: What date?
AS: October 23, 2025
Me: Oh Lord…. How would it be?
AS: (smiling, shrugging)
Me: Are there still seats for the flight?
AS: Please go to that counter and get further info, Ma’am.
Me: (heading to the ticketing counter)
Long story short, I had to buy a new ticket because I had 2 gifts to deliver to 2 people in Jakarta. I had promise to keep.
I bought a new ticket for a much more expensive price than the original one wrongly booked. Lesson learnt? Check, recheck, check, recheck….. Maybe I shouldn’t have had to book a new one. I should have decided to deliver the gifts through my friend; in fact finally I had to deliver the gifts through that friend.
It’s not easy to meet with famous people; it’s either I’m too cheap to meet them, or they are playing hard to get.
Stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid………..stupid enough to call myself a stupid!
Lesson learnt again? I’ve got one round ticket for October to Jakarta. Still stupid!
The Psychology of Stupidity
She's stupid, my Love
Following honest heart, then
She needs huge to cure.
Lucky to find this book in Periplus of Soetta Airport T3 – time to get cured from wound of falling by my own stupidity
Thanks for obviously showing my stupidity this weekend. I’ll write the word stupid (tolol in Bahasa Indonesia) 1000 times to ensure I remember I am.
💕
Heart Journey
Your plodding footsteps
Call me to keep this journey
To where sunrise is.
Wherever I go as long as I’m following my honesty, I’m meeting with you.
I’ve tried denying that life is just a matter of birth to death & struggling between those two, but no life is not that indeed — pain is inevitable but suffering is optional so I prefer put always lightheartedness and useful meaning to steps of life.
One day which is today I plant my believe more deeply as I also believe that this tree of life is not only one growing for a while; this tree of life needs strong & stubborn roots to support itself to the end of universe life.
Thank you for this beautiful life, Beloved. Whatever I’ve gone through is beauty that leads me to the reality of life:
You
Scent of This Hair
The scent that is spread
Is that that I've missed so long.
It's in my own hair.
I was in Sydney and finally found this that I’d wanted so long. Once I thought I would love the Jasmine but this attracted me more strongly.
Spiritual Not Religious (in Bahasa Indonesia)
only in Bahasa Indonesia, so much thing to absorb, more spiritually loaded than religiously and it’s what makes me stay in this type of learning
I’m not a moralist but at the same time I make myself comply with norms, moral values in my society and community
I’m not religious but at the same time I make myself use religions as a source to think of how I should walk this life in which I have to deal with other human beings
I’m not so much spiritual but at the same time I want to load all my life with spiritual meaning so I have little to no time to judge outside of me and to focus more within
Life is like walking on a line in which balance is required to stay on path until the other edge of the bridge
Weekend is sweet for you, dear fellow human beings
Siapa Guru? (in Bahasa Indonesia)
Kata guruku hati harus ringan,
Harus.
Kata guruku langkah harus pasti,
Harus.
Kata guruku badan harus rajin,
Harus.
Kata guruku hidup harus berserah,
Harus.
Susahnya!
Laku kuganti guru.
Ngomongnya begini:
Buat apa jadi manusia kalau tidak punya hati bahagia? Kalau kerjanya bermalas-malas diombang-ambing angan-angan? Kalau kerjanya memaksa semua dengan maunya?
Duh!
Berguru di mana-mana sama!
Aku duduk di depan patung Dorna,
Pendeta legenda,
Sebagai Ekalaya aku berpura-pura.
Bambang Ekalaya (Anggraeni’s husband), most loyal male wayang to his teacher
Dewi Anggraeni (Ekalaya’s wife), most loyal female wayang to her husband
I’m Saved, Are You?
There are ways
For those hiding
To stay hidden.
There are ways
For those running
To keep running.
There are ways
For those struggling
To forever struggle.
They say they do it
For those they love.
They claim they do it
For those they care.
They pledged they do it
For those they respect.
Is it true?
Words can lie.
Numbers can manipulate.
Silence can cover.
Yet eyes can't bury
What's sliding with tears
On the face of reality.
Don't lie to me
Honesty saves everyone's time.
I have no time
To have fun
If fun is your way to hide
Your true face from me.
Save yourself
By letting go
Off the masks
That you wear even when alone.
Let it fall off
And I will stride away
With a lot of pray.
rike jokanan 
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