Tag: love

Beauty today, Love
Is about about colours and shapes
Softly touch the heart.

as close as I could, I felt a tap on my broken heart telling me “life is just like that, beauty lies on the tiniest part of your own heart, not others'”

at closer glance the colours gave me some soft touch on my heart who is longing for honest heart to talk about love, life with sufficient laughter

today I worked under a tamarind tree across a construction site and found a tiny beauty, a grass flower inviting me with its enticing colours

A Hope of Elden Soldiers

Learning

A hope that vanishes
With the forgotten true stories
Of the unsung heroes,
Those not buried with engraved tombstone

Dear, Elden Heroes
Who are taking a break from battles.
Wish us a basket of flower
Full of prayer summoning
The only thing left with Mother Earth:
Love that glows in the heart.
Wish us her love
That fades all selfishness away
Swiftly
Like the colours dissolve from a white fabric.
No trace of arrogance.
No trace of greed.
Only love.
Only care.
By everyone,
For everyone
Including 
The Elden Soldiers--

A poem for a piece of Mother Earth’s true love called Indonesia on her 80th birthday–

Thank you. You’re staying in this very heart that weeps for getting hurt over and over again yet keeping the trust in a journey called life.

💕

your promise to liberate your offspring’s life from all that occupy them was well done

would you say that what your offspring is doing to celebrate the victory is truly what you wished to be

dear, Elden Soldiers who have been either well-known or unsung….

There’s A Blocker

There's a basket of blockers
Called assumption
Built about me and you.
That everyone wants to be famous;
Forgetting that in different occasion he says all is love.

There's a basket of blockers
Called assumption
Built about me and you.
That you are untouchable by my love;
Denying that in different occasion she is in love.

There's a basket of blockers
Called assumption
Built about me and you.
That you belong to them and not me;
Claiming that certain human beings don't deserve the others.

dear Life, please give me what you call true love, not what is seen true love;

& life as light as feathers that can fly a bird,

life as deep as an underground chamber that keeps all secrets,

love that is free from any blockers except you between me and you

💕

You

I've read thousands of poems
In which all lines are started with
You.

I've recited hundreds of them
With which all rhymes are ended with
A you.

I've waited for a sonnet full of love
Through which my questions are answered by you. Yes,
You.

Have You?

Learning, life, love, Poetic

I've asked myself all my life:
Have you ever thought what this life is for?
You're born. You die.
You struggle. You cry.
You suffer. You rant.
You're full. You sleep.
You're fulfilled. You forget.
You're numb. You're silent.

If it's really
You that this life is about,
Am I really needed?
Am I really wanted?

Yet the echoes of the quest go on.
Your answers feel like algae converting light to feed my days with
Hope that you embrace me, with
Fear that it will end when I still owe you  promises.

I can't answer it clearly until today.

It becomes like a love story
In which falling in love is either inserted with broken-hearted acceptance or ended with broken hearted let-go.

That I live for
You, because of
You, in
You, through
You is a journey between a lover longing for the beloved who might care but care; who might love but hate, who might exist but not exist.

Have you ever thought what this life is for? I said yes and yes and yes to
You, and for
You.

Guidance

Amouge, Guidance – it’s about you guiding me to you

bought it when in Sydney

slided the box out of the outer cover

one of my best gift to myself – a scent that guides

Heart

My heart is a garden
Where flowers are nodding to butterflies and ladybugs
That need a ride to play.

My heart is a pond
Where lilies spread their pads to dragonflies and frog
That stop to meditate.

My heart is a cave
Where treasures are hidden from
eyes and ears
That crave for secrets.

My heart is an ocean
Where space is containing depth and width
That hug the abyss.

My heart is a home
Where songs are waiting for rhythms and rhymes
That long for a voice.

dear heart, be fragrant even when it’s around bad odor ♥️

Let It Fly

Dear, kind heart
Let it fly
To where dreams
Dance with mornings.

You

Learning, Poetic, Those People

Maybe it is you
That sits on every sea wave
Gently touching me--

A Door

Learning, life, Poetic

A door, Beloved
Your way I take to enter
The way of loving--

some people said to me directly and some indirectly “my way or no way”

my life is like one-way highway with no U-turn with which the choice is chosen by itself, go ahead and that’s it! when I choose my way, the way becomes bumpy and muddy and not safe,

so I’ve never really thought about my way

letting it be instructed through my heart and follow Life’s way

so when some ask “my way or no way”, I’ll smile and think

maybe those people’s life has been so easy and smooth that all their way is running without any interruption or alteration or even 100% negotiation

maybe

but I again just smile and try to understand while waiting whose way is winning

Dear

Learning, love

Dear Life,
Thanks for the luck
That goes on
And on
Between your fingers
Caressing my hair
With love.

Gift

A gift, Beloved
Wrapped with a curled pink ribbon
For all that she loves--

my life is a gift that I share with those close around me

my gift might not be expensive but it’s the best I can present

when time is up, I hope all that I love will have received the blessing I silently promise to share with them

♥️

The Sun

What if the sun never rises again?
I might also lose my sunflowers.
The yellow in my life fades away,
With the calming breathing at the end.

At least I love, Beloved,
At least I've loved
You so much.

Coffee Flowers

Coffee flowers, Love
It breathes what I long for much,
Poisons me with love.

coffee flowers – I used to see many at the backyard of my uncle’s house in Jogja

I loved breathing its fragrance every morning and afternoon when I had the time to stroll along the path

yet not as many now

I love breathing coffee fragrance but not drinking it as much

Clarity

Clarity, my love
Is silence that loudly says
About who you are.

some people talk about honesty as if honesty is falling hair of theirs – nothing but waste….

…. not because honesty doesn’t mean anything; yet because they claim being honest but actually lying.

once I thought you were this, and your signs said you were this until all birds then messengers coming saying that you are that….

honesty saves everyone’s time….

1) when honesty is about dishonesty

2) when it is the talking of the walk

3) when it is the walking of the talk

🙃

so clear to me, after meeting a friend yesterday

☺️

Fallen

Gravity, my love
Pulls me to Mother Earth's lap
To be just like her.

A Gift

A gift, Beloved
Breeze bringing a good fragrance
Keeping me with you.

I bought a box of gift for myself – perfume 💗

patchouli is one of my favourite fragrances, it is mostly harvested in Indonesia — there’s a documentary about how patchouli farmers are ‘exploited” for perfume industry

I’m cruelly aware that my liking to scent is making me part of the exploitation. What should I do?

….thinking in awareness & with compassion

If I’m To Be

Learning, love, Map It!

If I’m to be a somewhere,

I’d love to be a flower garden

Where butterflies walk their life cycles;

A river bank

Where dragonflies daydream on the grass tips;

A pond

Where frogs get sleepy on the water lily pads;

A forest edge

Where fireflies breathe peacefully;

A meadow

Where silence and crowd collide;

A space

Where you only live to love.

Me Married? (cheerful)

it's where two sweet hearts
meeting in a quiet meadow
to sing together

(haiku about an ideal marriage of mine)

When I was a high schooler I wanted to get married at 25. At 35 broken-hearted decided to be single forever; at 45 re-opened myself to any possibility–

While in my culture talking about romance or wishing to get married at my age is considered a shame, I proceed. I’m a human being— if they do, why not me? I’m so comfortable to say this even thinking it out loud in front of family and friends; and they were the one sometimes would feel less comfortable and tell me to be calm.

I’m calm and not in a hurry chasing anyone. I”m just so relaxed. I’m accepting the fact that wanting something will not affect my state of being thankful-to-be-me if what’s wanted doesn’t happen. At this point my thought is if I’m getting married, I’m happy getting married. If I’m not, I am happy not getting married.

Last Monday I watched a podcast in which Raline Shah was interviewed by Dave Hendrik & Iwet Ramadhan (my favourite duo the DVET) in YouTube. She highlighted what I’ve thought about for so long in life (maybe also what’s been thought about by many female single around me).

And these are some loved statements of hers shareable to you all:

“I want us to still get married but I want to have faith that even if I have this job also be with you. So sometimes this independence creates insecurity in the man I date…”

It was about her stance on her own dream and the man she dated who wanted her to be just a wife instead of a woman with career.

“I would love to compromise my life. I would love to compromise my dreams because getting married is also another dream but I just don’t feel that in your natural state, does that person love you? …. They don’t really like you, they’re just in love with you.”

It was when she was asked if she would compromise her dream for marriage. This is truly a beautiful statement.

“Just be yourself para jomblo. Do what you like, …. And see who likes you for that version of you.”

Yes, being one’s self is a must. Oscar Wilde said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken“.

I hope all single people especially ladies in my culture (or other culture resembling mine) decide to get married or not because of their own choice, not because of no choice. It sounds utopic but it is what it is.

Cheerio, dear me!

Note: jomblo: single (not married) person

Iwet Ramadhan, Raline Shah, Dave Hendrik

Island

Learning, love, This Person

The isle, Beloved
Sails inch by inch through calm breeze
Telling me to breathe.

Duality, Unity, O

Learning, life, love, Map It!, Poetic, This Person

One, two, Beloved,
Numbers to start a journey
To the zero point.

With ageing I am able to feel the surge of high energy I experienced before. With broken heart I’m so thankful that I’ve got love in this heart. With thirst I appreciate how freshness of water cures me. With the stuck in the head I become more and more familiar that flowing is the only way to love. With scarcity I can grow sense of gratitude with even just a little hope in life.

It’s you. Yes, it’s you. None other but you that makes me. None other but you that puts meaning on the word me. None other but you that moves all this life within me.

How can I be feeling so detached….

If you are the one attaching in all my senses?

If you are the one behaving with this corpse?

If you are the one drawing a circle for me to circumambulate until the two dots meet?

If you are the one?

I surrender. I retreat.

You.

Siapa Guru? (in Bahasa Indonesia)

Kata guruku hati harus ringan,
Harus.
Kata guruku langkah harus pasti,
Harus.
Kata guruku badan harus rajin,
Harus.
Kata guruku hidup harus berserah,
Harus.
Susahnya!
Laku kuganti guru.
Ngomongnya begini:
Buat apa jadi manusia kalau tidak punya hati bahagia? Kalau kerjanya bermalas-malas diombang-ambing angan-angan? Kalau kerjanya memaksa semua dengan maunya?

Duh!
Berguru di mana-mana sama!
Aku duduk di depan patung Dorna,
Pendeta legenda,
Sebagai Ekalaya aku berpura-pura.

Bambang Ekalaya (Anggraeni’s husband), most loyal male wayang to his teacher

Dewi Anggraeni (Ekalaya’s wife), most loyal female wayang to her husband

I’m Saved, Are You?

Learning, Poetic, Those People

There are ways
For those hiding
To stay hidden.
There are ways
For those running
To keep running.
There are ways
For those struggling
To forever struggle.
They say they do it
For those they love.
They claim they do it
For those they care.
They pledged they do it
For those they respect.
Is it true?
Words can lie.
Numbers can manipulate.
Silence can cover.
Yet eyes can't bury
What's sliding with tears
On the face of reality.

Don't lie to me
Honesty saves everyone's time.
I have no time
To have fun
If fun is your way to hide
Your true face from me.
Save yourself
By letting go
Off the masks
That you wear even when alone.
Let it fall off
And I will stride away
With a lot of pray.

Father

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

May 2 is a special day. It is Indonesia’s National Education Day at the same time the date when my father passed away.

I pray for him always. Yet on his birthday and on his death day I recite special prayer for him.

My father
Is a book mark
With which I remember
Where I should restart.
He is not part of the book,
But with him reading would feel so light.

Silence


I admire
You
Beyond words.
When you demand more,
I use thick dictionaries and thesaurus across the universe to praise
You.

The silence is more eloquently accurate than any word can say.

If Life/Love is A Parabola

Learning

When I am in love, I feel like traveling in a parabolic track and passing by its vertex, a turning point.

Vertex is either the highest or the lowest point of a parabola. It is a point in which a mirror perfectly reflects left and right sides of a parabola. It is where a journey turns to climb up or glide down depending on what direction the parabola faces.

The vertex always lies on the axis of symmetry of a parabola, which is a vertical line that divides the parabola into two equal halves. It’s no different from life journey: only when all phases are gone through, the energy will repay. When the negativity is reaching its peak, life glides to the positive side and the other way around. Life will not let someone stay too long in one side of the story. Fair. Karmic. Cause-Effect.

Loving one person with a start and an end can be a perfect parabolic line with a vertex well found: balanced, symmetrical and fair. It’s not about reciprocity at the same time about reciprocity. It’s not about a broken heart, at the same time about a broken heart. It’s a line of perceptions that bounce back and forth mirroring each other until lesson is learnt (maximum/minimum value of a vertex).

From a cone I also learnt versions of love: Circle is a perfect love. Ellipse is full love with inclination. Hyperbola is love of one person to/for more than one person. It can be romantic or not.

A lame analysis; just for fun while enjoying Jakarta (heavy) traffic ☺️

Ho’oponopono

Learning, love, This Person

Today I contemplated a lot about friendship.

I value friendship, as it is the best I can gift to those I love. Yet some of mine didn’t work well. Just recently one friend sent messages to someone to tell me that she no longer wanted to befriend with me. Her messages were big anger described through words that to me sounded like unreasonable accusations: that I only needed her in need, that she didn’t trust my intension of not inviting her to the hotel where I stayed, that I was not her true friend, that she would not contact me anymore, and so on.

I was upset and said to the “messenger”: Thanks for reading me her messages, please don’t forward the written messages to me, please help delete.”

I got hurt with the hurting accusations. I began to calculate what and how much I had done for her versus what she had done for me. 15-year friendship ended with a message without clarification…. What a tragic comedy!

I got hurt. A short drama started to mount within me….

Until….

Today I met someone who happened to be her friend and mine, who informed me that her mother just passed away after the Idul Fitri. Innalillaahi wa innaa ilaihi rajiun.

And that’s when I knew why she became so sensitive.

She never informed me that her mother passed away. it’s probably her fault.

One time in Ramadhan she sent one message of asking for a call but I was in a massive headache so I didn’t even reply to anyone’s messages including hers. So maybe I also missed some updates from her. It’s probably my faults.

I don’t know; I don’t want to prolong the drama.

I sent her a condolence message. I don’t hope anything but her acceptance of what is.

I’m telling myself that I’m good and play the Ho’oponopono repeatedly to let go off what’s not.

I’m sorry, my own self for being negative. Please forgive me. I thank you. I love you.

Home, Dear Home