graphs of my Universe
Tongue tied, Beloved
Seeing how carefree you are
Dancing with the tide--
life is about riding the tides. when it’s high, soar. when it’s low, dive. this soul is free, loving from distance or nearby– no difference but loving from distance makes the vibe thicker with longing, from nearby lighter with laughter
love is as beautiful as everyday’s sunray
never hurry! love is the way itself, not a destination
2026, you’re chosen. congratulations 💎
This heart is the earth
Who will bury stories, gossips, complaints, grievances to the depth
The very deep.
Layers of soil will dry,
Solidify,
Carbonize,
Fossilize
In peace.
Then miners come
To liquify what's solidified.
Diamond, sapphire, ruby, quartz....
Name more.
They're dug up
To the surface
Beautiful and shiny
Like love, hope and protection.
Yet some are glaring
Like pride, arrogance and domination.
Dear,
Heart.
Slip in my deepest self
And never open the doors.
It hurts to be mined.
Love is always precious like diamonds that adorn little life. Yet I’m resting after the diamonds are scattering on the floor, clinking around, rolling, some unfound….
The are some pieces left. The last to be guarded please the last….
Holy, Beloved
The days through which I walk through
Life and her stories.
This heart, Beloved
Is the star constellations
Glow when she's so dark.
This heart, Beloved
Glows constantly in the dark
With hope, love and fear.
The star, Beloved
Falls-- falls after collision
To ocean of tears.
I love you, Ibu. No one loves me like you do. I know you’re happy in the other side.
Send my warm regards to Bapak whose love and protection is beyond any man I’ve ever met so far.
Terima kasih, Bapak & Ibu.
You’re always in my heart esp now.
😘☺️❣️
Hidden gem, my love
Glows in this heart telling tales
About hidden love
That might never find her nest.
The voiceless gets more silent.
Today my friend brought me around Jogja. The most interesting part was of course Pasar Beringharjo (Beringharjo Market) in which whatever souvenirs from Jogja are completely displayed. The most I love about this market is “ibu-ibu gendhong”, the women who sell their service to carry the people’s (both traders and shoppers) stuff from one point to another. My friend works in the NGO that advocate them to get better access to better rights as informal workers. The women (we call them buruh gendhong: female porters) know my friend very well so I always get the chance to say hi to them every time I visit some markets in Jogja & be given directions which best traders I can go to get the best products.
Today they showed me a hidden gem, a small corner where old-aged batik sheets and tradion Javanese kebaya are traded. What a blessed day today was!
How should I have felt except thankful? It was a good bargain– just with less than SGD50 I got a package of pretty apparels that I will wear to attend Christmas party in my cousin’s home.
kebaya, old batik sheet & an obi belt of Sido Asih batik
Thank you!
My cold heart got warm with the shopping spree and meeting the female porters who are the true representative of humble life itself.
God bless you, Ibu-Ibu & Mbah-Mbah Buruh Gendong. 💕
Beautiful, my love
The arranged colours and scents--
The heart shines brightly.
pretty like me 😁
Eyes to eyes, my Love
Where realm of now and here be
Punishing the past.
When I talk with someone, I’ll look into one’s eyes. It’s a sign that I respect my interlocutor, embracing one’s presence mindfully here and now. In return I really hope that the person does the same to me.
Yet who am I to want someone to do it wholeheartedly.
Let days be days. Lessons flow like rivers within me, the heaven that I’ve built to reach the real heaven ahead.
Wish you all a blessed weekend.
💙
Life is poetry
Singing songs to a quiet heart
To be pretty noise.
me trying on the “Booty on mega mendung” batik
Show me, Beloved
That it's real and right and true.
Says a shy lover.
The Quran is always a good advisor to me. It never lets me down.
When I’m so doubtful of self worth, it always sends me encouragement to be always faithful to what’s shown to me, without others’ validation or justification. Trust me an ordinary human being in whatever age period will still question herself when a strong blow of question “who do you think you are? know your worth” comes to her especially from those who are supposed to at least “shut the mouth”. 😁❣️
What a day!
This verse that randomly opened just now is QS Assajdah #24. For those reading this as outside world this verse is about leaders in a group; yet to me as the Quran can always be about what’s within, this is about leader within me which is the Heart.
The heart will only lives and be alive only when the whole body agrees to be patient and trust what’s shown through the existing senses. Be patient, dear self. Trust the process and the symbols and signs shown to you.
I will just walk to where love and compassion is leading me. Be it real. Be it true. Be it right.
Amen.
💙
Pages of a book
Dog-eared, yellowed
And wrinkle
Of fingers stroking--
I’m not a religious person yet I love checking holy books, books about local faith around the world and writings about philosophy. To me wisdom scatters everywhere; it might not be the best sources of wisdom but reading them has opened my horizon of thinking and I’ve become an open-minded and free thinker to some extent.
There is one more thing about checking those books is getting personal advice that I can’t get from even the closest people around me– not because I don’t trust their love to me but I don’t trust their level of bias in analysing my situation. They are not open enough to accept me who is very open in thinking yet very morally guarding to my own self (two paradoxes my closest people still can’t understand up to now). That’s why I “consult” the Quran, the holy book aside from Bible that I’ve been familiar with since I was young (my father was a Christian).
Today I felt the need of consulting the Quran; I prayed, recited Alfatihah the opening suuraah of the Quran, greeted those I respect in life, took a short silence and randomly opened the book.
Here is the answer from the Quran.
QS Annuur #38
That Allah may reward them [according to] the best of what they did and increase them from His bounty. And Allah gives provision to whom He wills without account.
My heart stopped doubting. Is it because of the Quran? Is it because of to whom I prayed? Is it because of my trust? Maybe one of them. Maybe all of them. And I don’t want other possibilities because I won’t let myself doubt what’s been confirmed.
Thank you, dear Quran for being my closest friend, a book that opens all the doors of light. I might not be religious but you’re always the #1 consultant I’ve turned to for the past 33 years and probably will be for the rest of my life.
Light, light, my heart becomes so light.
Thank you❣️
Mandarin ducks perch
On a rocky river bank
Enjoying the sun.
a painting of a raft of Mandarin ducks would be a beautiful spot in a house
their colours are fascinating
Mandarin duck swims
Through calm water to the edge
Welcoming the breeze.
my small work of art to be, “the lone swimmer, love bird of the east”
Life is just like that. Like what?
Like whatever she perceives--
Be she fun,
Or gloomy--
Be she colourful,
Or dull--
Be she letting go,
Or attaching--
Be she alone,
Or together--
Life is just like
Her in whatever version
She wants her to be.
my life shall be as light as my heart can be
I’ll always unload things unnecessary to clutch on as those things will only make my steps drudge while I’d be glad prancing
only with love….
….and love only
whatever they say….
….how much ever they think
I’m light, moving light, to the light
☘️
Some people asked
Why I liked writing poems.
My answer was simple
Because that was the only way
I could tell my truth.
Then they told me to
Use naked words to tell the truth
To them then I did.
Those people asked again
Why I used naked words to tell the truth.
My answer was simple
Because you asked me to
Then they excluded me.
I'm writing poems now
And forever.
and with the poems I spray fragrance with which I decorate my truth so those particular people will get lost in their own mind that is so confusing like a maze
missing home…. sometimes human beings don’t need to rest from work, they just need to rest from drama
Evening, Love, is
Carnation in a glass vase.
Flickering candle--
There's a space
That will always be spacious
How much ever it is loaded.
It's heart,
In which I keep
You as you are.
What she needs, my love
A jar of coloured petals
That smile to her mind--
heliconia is always a nice welcome
or an orchid that’s bright
never a bottle of wine
just a cool towel and a cup of lemongrass tea next to a carnation
It burns what has been packed
And ready to depart
From where a line between boundaries are drawn.
It burns with love.
It burns with life.
It burns forever,
An eternal flame.
it’s the 40th day of my mother’s passing today and we commemorate it through a Javanese traditional ceremony, assimilated with some Islamic tradition
one of the menu in the ceremony basket is “kacang cenggereng” (fried peanuts) which is not only a snack but also a symbol
it’s a symbol of respect to the one passing and hope that the passing is safely welcomed in the next life
yellow is a very suitable colour for my mother’s crossing day as it symbolises happiness
may she be happy to meet her Beloved
terima kasih, Ibu, please send my warm regard to my father
💛
yellow, Ibu 😁💛
Sweet heart, Beloved
Lingers so long, stays alive,
Connects what across.
My mother is supposed to be 81 years old if she’s alive physically. I’m sure she’s happy across, seeing I’m happy. I know she knows I miss her everyday– there is still empty seconds in the morning when I wake up seeing no WhatsApp message from her.
I’ll keep all about you in me forever, Ibu. Love ya much much❣️
Send my best regard to my father who probably is sitting with you all the time talking about you offspring.
Terima kasih, Ibu.
the last screenshot of our video call on Aug 16, 2025
even with just half of her teeth, she still is beautiful
💕
Marble cake, my Love
Calls me to sweeten my days
With sugar and scent.
marble cake is one favourite of mine; it’s sweet that never fails to make me smile anytime I bite from every slice of it
me is about meaning and my marble cake is not excluded
like marble, it’s layered of taste, chocolate, vanilla, butter, crisp, moist & fluf exactly like memories of my life that is always full of love
once my readers asked me love will bore you and stop you from singing; I said no as my love isn’t about what’s outside, it’s about what’s skin, flesh, bones and marrow, it’s about muscle and about memories– the whole concept and its compliance altogether that will never fade away through known dimension
and love isn’t about someone else other than me, it’s about how layers of truth are formed with all the falling in love and broken heart in life, even the thinnest love & the slightest broken heart
have you ever seen an orchid shows its bud? that’s a thinnest falling in love
have you ever waited a taxi then suddenly the driver cancelled the order? that’s a slghtest broken heart
I’ve been falling in love to someone that’s so special: that’s a thickest love and losing someone that I’ve loved the most: that’s the biggest broken heart
and those in the middle, a lot
yes, my life is like marble and also marble cake, layered with tastes
and I never want to trade it with anything else
☘️
Love daily, my love
Chosen, cleaned, soaked, cooked and packed
To serve forever--
chicken biryani for lunch is like falling in love after broken hearted
💙☺️❣️
sprinkled friend onion on the layer rice & chicken
💕
boiling rice
marinating chicken in herbs + yogurt
another key to a nice biryani
fying onion
the herbs to boil the rice
basmati rice after 30′ soaked in water
She's a hummingbird
Flying her colours and voice.
Garden of Eden--
If people ask what one thing I’d do at home when I’m doing other relaxing things?
The answer: humming❣️
Humming is the power of someone who loves singing but not memorise the lyrics. It’s what makes the amateur singer feel so proud of herself of singing beautifully without words, voice and tones are right, words are hidden. 😁
Today my household chores are not as many as before yet still I want to be home longer; I have a book to read then share my reading to my family and friends. I also have a sheet of white fabric to experiment shibori stitching.
Saturday is never boring with humming.
my mom used to ask “what are you cooking for this Saturday?” then “that’s delicious! wanna try! cook it for us when you’re home” then I would call her sharing laughter & jokes
no I’m not sad but I miss her love, compassion, stories, jokes, intimacy between mother and daughter
I’m so blessed with her being my mother; and still so blessed to have siblings and in-laws that understand intimacy is the glue of our family
thank you❣️
time to let my physical, heart & soul hum softly as part of my gratitude for the love around me 💕
Our language is language of the heart.
When it's not heard, it means
The thread is cut,
The line is off,
The connection is cut,
The songs are not sung
Anymore.
Thank you for this one year.
today’s conversation in the pantry is about rejection: without telling to whom & by whom, just possibility told tales by diners that met for just 30 minutes:
personal business project that’s not approved
library planned visit that’s postponed
afternoon tea invitation in Shangrilla that’s rejected
love that’s unrequited
story that’s not continued
all are one U-turn forced by life to meet the right direction
💕
The load, Beloved
So much she can give to you--
Whatever she keeps
RC Gorman’s work of art
the woman is guarding what she keeps in the terracotta jar silently sitting next to her like a soul that she lives with, that she fills with richness of life full of love & hope, that someday she will share with that patient enough to sit down with her silently & fun enough to enjoy life as it is
life is beautiful
☘️💕
Kata orang aku sedih,
Bukan sedih.
Aku hanya rindu
Padamu
Ibu,
Yang padamu rasa terima kasihku tak lekang oleh waktu,
Yang padamu rasa cintaku tak pernah layu oleh masa,
Yang padamu rasa rinduku tak pernah kering oleh panas,
Yang padamu rasa ikhlasku makin padat sebelum menjadi ledakan saat kita bersatu.
Terima kasih, Ibu.
what I can remember about you, Ibu 🥰❣️
maybe this is what you’re doing now, Ibu 😁❣️
What is balance?
When I can walk on a line nicely with little slipping,
When I can wipe my tears soon then smile again,
When I know that there is one that keeps me still within although I look so rocked and shaken without,
When I can still express my feelings between what's called good and bad, right or wrong, while actually all is good and all is right--
Balance is
Knowing that I can wish whatever I want
Knowing that the net is always
You.
balancing in any situation is what life is about
☘️
Red bird, Beloved
Flies home bringing her redness
Welcoming the light.
it takes some time to accept that the woman called mother has left me physically
it’s ok, it’s just taking time to accept that there’s a hole called “missing you, ibu” anytime unexpectedly
thank you, ibu
♥️
I feel so languid,
Between losing and letting go.
Memories are swarming,
Reminding that life is short
And farewell is just an inch away.
What's grey has turned to lively colours that stay.
What's dark has rekindled what's dead and now alive.
Love is never faraway,
It is for a while hiding
To show up when hope is fading away.
There's nothing I hear
But heartbeats singing love song
From afar, moving closer and closer.
Love is never faraway,
It's just hiding to find a way
To disclose what's true in
Expression and will always stay.
my last wefie with her, physically faraway but her love always stays
Riding the wind, Love
Across the route Love chooses
On behalf of love--
wind is pushing her pedaling a journey to the heart of life
rike jokanan 
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