Ripples

My love is ripples,
Humble and calm.
Maybe you want waves,
Pushing and high.
Should I turn these ripples
To waves?
Give me an ocean, not a lake.

ripples on a standing water as waves on the ocean; i might be in a wrong realm

💗

Fragrant

Fragrant, Beloved
Is you when I am breathing.
Do you deny it?

i’ve loved perfume since i was teenager

the range of fragrance i love is wide, i have no definition of what fragrance i prefer or noti just like it or not like it after sniffing it

Borderless Escapade

Music, Beloved,
A borderless escapade
Of this heart that sings--

sometimes i just want to explode when other people criticise me as if ones had the utmost knowledge to sort which soul goes to hell or heaven

!

life of life…. lucky i have good hearing to let music enter my realm of sound and space

while listening to music, i let music absorb what i can’t tell human beings to or about

dear life, make me someone who listens to music of universe and utters good things even when this heart gets murky as muddy water

💗

Size of Life

What size of life do I want?
Any size as long as
It is ordinary:
Where big is not too big,
Small is not too small,
It is just right.

I want an ordinary life
Where my closest know well enough
My love and kindness guards
Me against betrayal.

I want an ordinary life
Where the farthest know well enough
Their hatred and ignorance keeps
Them away from me.

I thank you, my ordinary life
You make blessings extraordinary.

today’s breakfast: a big bowl of konjac noodle soup with chicken breast + carrot + bonito flake, a medium bowl of fruit and a small bowl of rendang — all in the right size….

…. and chocolate, the ordinary that turns my life extraordinary

Vantage Points

Vantage points, dear self
Splitting visions to see things
Comprehensively.

problem solving sometimes best happens when i see things from different perspectives

My Best

My best, Beloved,
Is now here staying with me.
The self loved by me
Never leaves, never betrays.
Born, living, will die with me--

pho-bo for last night’s dinner with extra ngogai leaves is still the best

my host gave me pho-bo on hotpot — not the best, yet pho never fails me in Vietnam

chicken pho with extra ngogai leaves — good but pho is best with beef

The Star

Are you the star I point with my finger?
Or are you the one that disappears in a blink of my eye?
Are you the star that will reappear tomorrow night?
Or are you the one that smiles at me then ghosts away?

You are still a star.

which one are you?

Humble Beauty

Humble beauty, love
Is found anywhere with eyes
Naked, no glasses.

i saw this

and this

and this

and this

i feel love is just everywhere incl in the wild grass and ordinary tree around me

thank you

Beauty and Majesty

Beauty, Majesty
Both in me--
I'm predictable,
I'm throwing surprises,
Both simply reflecting
One whole me.
If you don't want one side,
You won't either get the other.

yin-yang, duality in unity, union in separation, jamal and jalal of asmaul husna, beauty and majesty, masculine and feminine, etc; you name it — it is a perfection in an imperfect human being

what do you expect from a human being but two sides of a coin, beloved?

💗

Joy Is Contagious

Joy is contagious
Spreading through fungi,
Growing under the ground,
Connecting stations of interest on earth,
Glowing through memories, hopes and dreams.

if i happened to be in Jogja today, i would have loved to be there too to meet with these announcers whom i listen almost every morning to start my day; their joyful moment was contagious though so even not joining, i could feel the joy!

i wish you health and joy everyday so you can share good things longer and more

💗

Another Year

Happiest birthday
To my sacred woman,
Mother.
Please always give
Another year
Every year
For us to pay.

i used to have a difficult relationship with my mother, very difficult; whatever i did was just not acceptable — my choice was her rejection, always

one year to reconcile i asked her to go for major pilgrimage with me but she rejected saying that she was too weak to do (even i offerred the shortest period); but she agreed for a minor pilgrimage — it was to me a cauldron of patience test, and i think the same for her; but we both started to know what was the knot in the rope

i never knew how jealous a mother can be to a daughter who is close to her husband until that day when she said to me “your father loved you more than loved me” — i was very close to my father and now i knew why she wondered why; we both know and accept it now

starting that year our relationship was getting easier and easier until 2018 we were in the peak — i was in my third worst argument in my life with her (1st when i refused to marry a man chosen by her, 2nd when she disagreed with my romance that eventually ended)

since then we started to learn gradually that there was a big misconception about mother-daughter relationship

a mother who thinks that her daughter is a possession should let go; a daughter who wants total freedom should slow down — there shall be a middle way where balance is achieved

and it worked; our relationship is getting better and better — we get along very well, we are relaxed in treating each other

do i love it? yes, except that she will contact me every single day to ask me how i am 🤪

happy 80th birthday, Ibu; thank you for being my mother — hope we clean our karma in this life so when we meet again, everything is going smoothly 😘

i love you the way i do you

you know i will never let anyone hurt you

💗

Love, No Doubt

Love is a mountain.

Stands still?
It does but it moves too to balance the center of Mother Earth.
No doubt.

Gives much?
It does but it sweeps too to clean what does not belong to the era.
No doubt.

Saves water?
It does but it stops flowing water to respond to destroyed roots.
No doubt.

Does good?
It does but it harms too to protect the heart of life, love itself.
No doubt.

Embraces beauty?
It does but it embraces scars and wounds too to celebrate journey and age.
No doubt.

My love is a mountain.
No doubt.

Mount Merapi (also Candrageni), Yogyakarta – i so much miss home i cry

💗

Flying Dreams

I love my sweet dreams
Who have cheered me every nights
And then forgotten.
Dear dreams, travel find your home.
I'm here to see you smiling.

fly happily, let me enjoy my day, waiting for you to call me saying “i’m home”

Sunday

Sunday, Beloved
Repeats itself as a space
To explore for love.

misro = amis di jero (sweet inside, Sundanese language)

combro = oncom di jero (oncom inside, Sundanese language)

misro before deep fried

sometimes i am amazed with my ability and patience in the kitchen 🤪

put a layer of dough then put some sugar in then cover it with the dough around the sugar

grated gula aren = palm sugar

for combro the filling should be oncom but there is no oncom in Singapore so i replaced it with tempe (tempeh)

grated cassava and grated coconut, mixed

cassava, palm sugar in its original wrap, tempe

I’m Yours

Your heart, Beloved,
Is yours. We though share one soul
Bonding us for good.
I send love to your heart while
The soul hugs us forever.

everything looks beautiful when seen with love

this is one of 6 stems of orchids celebrating life before they dry out some time later, reminding me to keep sharing love and compassion until my existence changes dimension

thank you, dear orchids

Forgiveness (ranting)

Forgiveness, my love
Blooms among showers of love
Coming out of love.

I became very upset yesterday after listening to some statements that in my perspective was sarcastic and on the contrary to what I personally saw. Most people laughed though.

Then what came across my mind was that person was trying to tell me secretly through a “townhall” that I was not the chosen one. It is normal to be excluded or canceled or rejected/ but should be with dignity not giving silent treatment; and with consistent treatment not “saying this here, giving hidden messages there”– personal or professional, that is not a right way to treat people.

My day was so ruined. What made it worse was a heavy rain came unpredictably that I had to travel longer from Johor to Singapore because of traffic growing jammed in both countries’ immigration gates.

But then I talked to myself last night. What is so special about me that I should be the chosen one? Why not accepting what was securely? Why was so upset to statements that might have been intended to tell me the truth? Hurting truth is better than late one, right? Or what about if that was just a way to tell jokes?

It took me long to re-digest the why: I was using the 5-Why method to trace back possible root causes with no result.

Out of the blue an iMessage with a beautiful song came from a Coldplay lover saying that it was sent to me because the song reminded that person of me. Wow! What a coincidence! Exactly when the iMessage came, I was playing exactly the same song sent to me.

And that the song reminded that person of me must have had a reason: maybe the quality of either the music or lyrics of the song is so me? 🥹

Why this song? Maybe the song vibe represents my “feeling good and like falling in love all the time”. Hmm…. This must be something.

I opened the Holy Book randomly and got another good vibe; a verse started with a sentence: “hold to forgiveness”.

What a stroke of good colours has been thrown to me!

Ok, my day!

I will do all my laundry and house cleaning chores today, cook my breakfast and eat it happily, then go to sleep like a log tonight then tomorrow I will walk 5 kilometers in the morning or go biking 11 kilometers in the afternoon.

Yosh❣️

Thank you, Gusti Allah….

I forgive myself. I forgive others. I forgive myself for letting my mind be filled with negativity about myself and others. I forgive others who have been so out of context or being ignorant.

What song sent by that Coldplay heavy lover? Here it is.

thank you, KM-san! i think you’re right that i deserve to be a heart full of love and a person spreading good feelings

i don’t want to give up; i’ve worked hard to shape a loving heart up to this level — will never let go of my true self

❣️

I Love Who I Love

I love who I love
With the least of what I feel,
With the smallest of what I give,
With the smile I curve,
With the breath I take,
With the step I make,
With the words I whisper,
With the prayer I hide,
With the biggest I can sacrafice,
With the vastest I can explore,
With the laughter I throw,
With the sigh I disguise,
With the decision I make,
With all I dedicate
In silence
Or declared.

title of my poem above is inspired by none but part of Coldplay’s Jupiter

That planet never stops inspiring me. Thanks, Jupe.

laughter is ripples caused by a heart who wants to tell stories of how life offers so much

i called my mom and could not stop laughing hearing her stories about anything around her: the cat, the relatives, the weather, the broom, the iPhone, etc

she is someone able to make a simple thing nice to hear and laugh at

i never talk about my problem with her and i consider it my job 😁 because her fun can only happen when she knows her children are ok

just by talking with her about how she argued with my sister could make me laugh hard and when finally she asked me “what about you? you ok?”, i would confidently say “iya, Ibuuu….”

i love you, Ibuyou are one of those I so much love

💗

I Love Who I Love

I love who I love
Through the existence of yours.
I am to comply.
There's only one rule applied:
Wholeheartedly or forced, done.

title of my tanka is inspired by none but part of Coldplay’s Jupiter

That planet never stops inspiring me. Thanks, Jupe.

there is one verse in the Quran that i could finally accepted when i reached 40:

arra’d #15 “and to God prostrates whoever is within the heavens and the earth, willingly or by compulsion, and their shadows in the mornings and the afternoons”

even when at the beginning i felt forced to accept what was, i finally found that i was saved through being forced while i was struggling declining what was

it’s like swimming in a river flowing sometimes so calm making journey so enjoyable, sometimes forcing and surging making it hard to believe;

just flow, my dear self

all is in the name of love

💗

Desiderata: Words for Life by Max Ehrmann

Desiderata is a word familiar to my ears and heart that today started echoing again in my realm of awareness after Dave Hendrik and Iwet Ramadhan brought out this poem in their morning chat. Thank you for the reminder and sharing! Their today’s chat (after I listened to the full rebroadcast) was like telling me to be careful with my own thought — jangan GR, Rike.... 😎

Desiderata is the plural form of desideratum (English word) that means something that is needed or wanted.

Desiderata in this context is a prose poem by the American writer Max Ehrmann. A prose poem is a format of creative writing that combines elements of the poetic form (especially the diction) and the prose form (especially the punctuation). It is a format that I sometimes use to describe photos under my poems – using punctuations and paragraph of prose while making the diction poetic. Beautiful!

Desiderata is truly a beautiful prose poem! Thank you, Max Ehrmann.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Home Sweet Home

Dear, dear Beloved.
There's a space all dearly miss.
It's a home sweet home.

I’ve tried inserting Jogja between my schedules since forever and now it is a dream-come-true.

There is a long to-do list for Jogja this time: checking if the orchids have rooted to the tamarind tree, eating gudheg, drinking ginasthel (legi, panas, kenthel = sweet, hot, thick in Javanese) tea prepared by my 90-year-old aunt, talking about my garden-to-be with my cousins, going watch Papermoon Puppet show and meeting up with batik artisans.

Yet to make it simple let me call it a not-so-short-but-not-long-at-all getaway to take care of my home project and to breathe the sweetness of village air.

Care to see my plan?

Here it is. Boring? That’s so me! 😊

Oct 25 (Friday)

  • 9:45am arriving in Yogyakarta International Airport
  • noon to afternoon: visiting humble batik artisans: Ibu Tien and Mbak Izzah (any kind of sogan batik) in Imogiri then Mbak Fitri in Kasihan (batik nitik)
  • evening: eating gudheg
  • night: checking in and talking with Mbak Roh (permanent partner in crime in Jogja) on random topics until we fall asleep

Oct 26 (Saturday)

  • whole day with architect (Mbak Novi) in her gallery, my home then finally to Papermoon Puppet Theatre
  • evening: eating gudheg (again?) and whatever
  • night: talking with Mbak Roh, Mbak Endang and Agnes on random topics until we fall asleep

Oct 27 (Sunday)

  • whole day enjoying my aunt’s tea and home cooking in my father’s childhood home in Menoreh Hills
  • evening: eating gudheg (again??) and whatever
  • night: talking with Mbak Roh on random topics until we fall asleep

Oct 28 (Monday)

  • 9:45am flying back to Singapore

I usually either give free class or tell stories to children in a small library in Bambanglipuro, but time doesn’t allow though. Skipped! Sorry, kids…. We love you, but I need to manage adult things this time. Next time ya….

Can’t wait to be home…. Jogja, please warmly welcome me like always.

loving the blue sky! view from the backyard-garden-to-be (June’s doc)

From Johor with love….

Batik Ceplok Godheg

Happy National Batik Day, dear Indonesia.

Godheg means sideburns in Javanese. Why is this batik named godheg, we can just assume that this is meant to highlight the value of sideburns when this batik pattern was composed.

Mbak Izzah could not give me exact answer when I asked her the meaning behind this batik. So like usual my wild creativity run to every nook and cranny of my imagination.

I remember my father liked to have nicely trimmed but rather thick sideburns. He said a man with sideburns looked handsome and masculine. He then said “Ini Bapak ganteng ya, Rike.” (Your father is handsome, Rike). I was mute not agreeing or disagreeing with his statement — admittedly my understanding about sexuality grew a bit later compared to my cheerful peer. Our mother always laughed teasingly when he gave himself compliments. We children just laughed as solidarity to those adult in love. 🤪

So honestly taking my father’s words (before further research) I claimed that batik Godheg was brought into existence by heaven knows which bloody Javanese man to celebrate the masculinity of the man wearing it.

By then Javanese men of high social and/or economic ranks who were definitely able to afford this batik would wear this pattern (Godheg) to attend functions or parties where they could show personification of masculinity in his class.

a pair of batik Godheg from Ibu Tien

matur nuwun, Ibu Tien — see you on either Oct 25 or 26, 2024 insya Allah

Browsing, I found one interesting article about sideburns in Javanese culture. It says that sideburns symbolise masculinity in traditional Javanese. Please allow me to include some excerpt below.


Jambang: Simbol Maskulinitas dalam Budaya Jawa

by: Lagan

Jambang, a traditional Javanese facial hair style, has long been a symbol of masculinity in Javanese culture. This unique style, which involves growing a mustache and beard, is not merely a fashion statement but a reflection of the wearer's character, social status, and spiritual beliefs. This article will delve into the significance of Jambang as a symbol of masculinity in Javanese culture.

The Historical Significance of Jambang

Jambang has a rich history in Javanese culture. It is believed to have originated from the ancient Javanese kingdoms, where it was worn by kings, nobles, and warriors as a symbol of power and authority. The style was also associated with wisdom and maturity, as it was typically worn by older men who had achieved a certain level of social status. The presence of Jambang was considered a sign of a man's ability to lead and protect his family and community.

Jambang and Javanese Masculinity

In Javanese culture, masculinity is not solely defined by physical strength or aggression. Instead, it encompasses a range of qualities such as wisdom, patience, self-control, and spiritual strength. Jambang, with its association with maturity and wisdom, perfectly embodies this nuanced understanding of masculinity. Men who wear Jambang are seen as embodying the ideal Javanese man, who is not only physically strong but also emotionally and spiritually mature.
The Spiritual Significance of Jambang

Beyond its social and cultural implications, Jambang also holds spiritual significance in Javanese culture. It is believed that the facial hair serves as a medium for spiritual energy, connecting the wearer to the divine. Some Javanese men even believe that growing a Jambang can enhance their spiritual practices, helping them to achieve a deeper level of meditation and connection with the divine.
Jambang in Modern Javanese Culture

Despite the influence of Western culture and modern fashion trends, Jambang continues to hold a special place in Javanese culture. Many Javanese men still choose to grow a Jambang as a way of connecting with their cultural heritage and expressing their masculinity. The style has also gained popularity among younger generations, who see it as a unique and stylish way to express their individuality and cultural identity.
In conclusion, Jambang is more than just a facial hair style in Javanese culture. It is a powerful symbol of masculinity, embodying the qualities of wisdom, maturity, and spiritual strength that are highly valued in Javanese men. Despite the changes in fashion and cultural trends, the significance of Jambang remains deeply rooted in Javanese culture, continuing to shape the way masculinity is understood and expressed.

Usedul link: https://www.questionai.id/amp/essays-e7pHAwYIR69/jambang-simbol-maskulinitas-dalam-budaya-jawa

I can't deny my instinct SOMETIMES can catch something on point. Please excuse my frankness; simply fulfilling a need to self appreciation. 😎

Back to batik Godheg….

It is a ceplok (cluster) batik in which the same pattern is repeated to form clusters that fill the whole sheet.

handsome batik indeed!

There are 4 pairs or godheg (sideburns) in each cluster and another inner and the center with also 4 parts as the elements.

Why 4?

4 is papat or sekawan or catur in Javanese, which symbolises creativity, intelligence, victory or even gold.

What’s more luxurious for Javanese men who traditionally artistic, cultural, silently dominant and (who is not) proud to be rich who can take care of the family decently. No wonder this batik use a lot of number 4 as its detail.

Do the numbers of dots in the isen (additional ornaments to fill in the blank spots among primary pattern on the sheet) also bear meaning?

Ahem! This is where imagination should be let be free.

Number 1 or siji, sawiji, esa, eka, ika, atunggal, tunggal, setunggal, symbolises unity, priority, the start, the world, the sun, the moon, country or kingdom, the king (leader), etc connotatively related to one existing. If ancient Javanese learn that there are two moons for certain period of time, they might omit the moon from the list.

Number 6 is nem, enem, enem, sad that symbolises emphaty and sympathy, humbleness, wise and wisdom, highly educated or scholar, etc.

Number 8 is wolu, asta, manggala that symbolises benevolence, honored, high rank, etc. Dragon in Javanese culture is also connoted to number 8 – why? Heaven knows!

If I may challenge all Javanese men who still consider themselves handsome Javanese, please kindly refer to these numbers to project their perfection and to evaluate their existence. 🤩

Do I truly mean with all my description of number of dots in the batik? Don’t quote me, I am speculating about most of what I say about the meaning behind batik patterns. All those symbols are taken from responsible sources of Javanese tradition though; so the number symbols are legit.

Or probably to quote Mbak Izzah’s random words when she thinks my questions are too intimidating: “Maybe the batik maker wanted to put 5 dots and no other intention, Mbak Rike.”

🤪

Once again….

Happy National Batik, Indonesia❣️

Time for me to take a rest…. I will rise earlier to go across the strait to Johor at 5am tomorrow.

today’s apparel was batik skirt (from manually folded batik sheet) with red top to celebrate Indonesia’s National Batik Day

it is Batik “Nitik Sekar Kentang Bribilan Sogan Kerok”

💕

Happy In The Rain

Happy in the rain,
She's throwing smiles to the cloud.
Rain sends smiles to her.

yellow symbolizes happiness

don’t wait for external causes to celebrate life — rain can be a trigger to flooding anger within or simply a trigger to remind us that there is freshness within ready to dance

Secrecy (ranting)

I thought of since when I became so secretive. The answer is since I was young when “betrayal was unbearable” and as time goes by my guard has become higher and higher. Since then friend is just to share my good vibes and fun until now. Talking to best friends means talking about politics, ordinary people’s memes and videos; only three celebrities can be our serious topic of discussion: Dian Sastro (without doubt our sweetheart), Nicholas Saputra (her sweetheart) and Keanu Reeves (mine); other celebs are not important to us– more drama, less achievement. No love life sharing, no nothing❣️I prefer listening to being listened to.

I only have one bestfriend that I share more about my difficulty dealing with my mother ☺️ — mother-daughter relationship is very unique: so much true love at the same time some shade of jealousy. I don’t share too many problems to mother; I want to make her retirement peaceful and easy so everyday she js texting me at (my) 3am (her 2am) to inform me that she is going to pray for me and my siblings for so and so and later at (my) 5am (her 4am) to “Hello, my dear. Hope today your work is smooth and blessed. Always believe in God. Are you fasting? What’s the plan to cook for dinner?” The same routine from her and I will either text or call her at (my) 6am after morning prayer. I do my best to make mother laugh — my best story-teller ibu 😘😘😘

Ooops! What triggered me to think of being secretive? I work in a company where secret and being secretive is always listed #1 in working on projects. Keep it secret. Keep it low key. Confidential. NDA. Black project. Need to know basis. I have no idea. I am not in the team. Sorry I can’t share it with you. And the like, name it. “Shut up” is my daily routine. Ju….st before this lunch break I was reminded (for how many times heaven knows) to instruct my field team to sign several NDA before visiting some sites. Voila! And so I write!

Yes, being secretive is applied to my personal and professional life so it is never difficult to lock my mouth to anyone. Believe me or not; not many people know in what company I work — and that doesn’t matter. Not important where I am sitting, it is more important what I’ve contributed with what I’ve done– although the contribution is not publicly announced. I am highly trained to be a humble person– YES, I AM (oh…. this is not being humble by declaring being humble hahaha…). And a highly trained person to not meddle on others’ personal affairs. Public affairs are exempted as they affect my well being as a citizen and as a human being. 😁

My friends asked if it is not tiring to be secretive. No. It is as simple as closing the door of my house; locking my trunk everytime going out from hotel room, securing my Mac in the locked trunk when leaving without it, discarding my diaries when they are full (my diaries are writing and drawing), and making my social media account private.

The last one (making my social media account private) has been violated by myself. After archiving a lot of photos that mostly relate to my leisure activities with colleagues, my solo travel fun and my other activities with significant engagement from friends, I finally opened my instagram account with only 10% of the original to appear. Furthermore, I heard instagram will treat copyright of photos and videos like Facebook does so I plan to finally delete the archived as well.

Why opening instagram account to public?

My best friend told me to make a book review some time ago as we both like reading and she thought that my mind deserves some disclosure (although I should be careful because sometimes my thinking can cause discrimination and hatred against me). I want to train myself to show to public the external skin of my personality before finally sharing my book review. At least public should have a context of me aside from seeing my review; only those true self I will allow to know me better and best.

When will I share my book review? Damn! It is challenging! I’ve made some and they don’t suffice my own demand. I need to redo and redo and redo until one best one deserves my own criticism.

My next challenge is to reopen comment column in this blog but maybe it will also take forever to finally happen. I am not afraid of bad comments, so be it. I am just reluctant to reply to comments like how Michael Lai and Penumbra Haiku nicely reply to comments– those two are the only blogs I visit with excitement. As a matter of facts I am now having many pending comments to approve– I won’t probably approve them. 😁

Time to prepare some ingredients of what I will cook after work today.

once upon a time only the queen had the key to the old storage in the dungeon and she forgot where she put it

😊

Generosity

Love teaches me to be generous
Of admiration and hopes and dreams.
However, fear drives me to be stingy
Of admiration and hopes and dreams.

You're a pendulum I'm hugging, Beloved
Swinging me from
Love to
Fear.

I know my wish won't change anything.
You constantly move to balance
Your own generosity,
And my imbalance is just a side effect,
Not your fault--

I'm almost drowning,
Your stream is so strong.
I'm more and more deeply pulled
To where I belong:
A smile of generosity,
Where love is abundant,
Fear dormant.

letting go is making sure love is abundant and fear dormant