A book, Beloved Soaks a soul in clean water. Washed off and refreshed--
I read a book by Haemin Sunim, Love for Imperfect Things. It is second book from him I’ve read, the first was When Things Don’t Go Your Way. While the latter felt like diving into my own understanding of life– a set of confirmation of what I’ve done and/or understood in life; the currently read is like a playful garden to me, giving me more space to reinterpret my life based on Haemin Sunim’s point of view.
I’ve stopped reading “heavy books”, those that make me more intelligent with bunches of upgraded sciences and knowledge, more critical towards others’ (different from me), more analytical around my folks (outside work), more rigid in forgiving those “making mistakes”. I am now trying to dull the knife in my mind, I’d love to have curvy corners that will just give slight sensation without wound when bumping or bumped by my fellow human beings.
💕
Yes, I am now a weak book reader, but I am an avid reader of my own heart and life.
This book reminds me that I should be bonding myself to an anchor called compassion in life so whatever happens to or around me, it is always love and kindness that become my basis of judgement and decision.
thank you, Haemin Sunim — how grateful i am to have read this book
Most books I am now attracted to are fiction, short books, those illustrated, colourful, with picture collection. I read some biography but only of my favourite people (now reading Alan Rickman’s).
Not a fan of “self help” books either as I don’t need to be helped, just need to sit together with a company to listen and to be listened to.
every chapter is as powerful as decades of dripping water that forms a smooth hole on a rock 💕
thanks to my favourite person for recommending this book; i wish to see you soon 💕
Look at nature's work. Coloured, shaped, structured and timed. I shout the delight.
walking through a site is fulfilling, i not only see how the environment is maintained but also capture how nature expresses her beauty freely and beautifully —
this mimosa is beautiful, said i
when i said beautiful, it is not precisely about the subject of discussion (mimosa), it is about how my mind labels the state of emotional response (to the mimosa) happening within me — the same emotion can be interpreted differently by other people based on their schemata, belief system, cultural and physical environment and other possible factors; when i am in bad mood, i might think that same mimosa as just weeds; when i don’t assign emotion to see my surrounding, i might not even regard the same mimosa
so i might never be as objective as expected by many, but definition of emotional labels is discussable and/or debatable and that is where communication will be lively if done with smiles (or laughter)
Whatever you say, Beloved, It's my day. I've built it through seconds, minutes, hours. Just because others use extended brain, Doesn't mean I will. I live my true life Even without a perfect "1100100" score given. Whatever you say, Beloved, It's my day.
no artificial intelligence is involved in my writing process except if my brain is considered one
using AI in my thinking and writing process is haram 🤓
haram is not related to any religion standpoint, it simply means i will never use it until professionally mandated in my work which i believe will not happen — will never use it for my poem and ranting of mine
What am I Without teacher? A lost wanderer Losing destination.
What am I Without teacher? A confused traveler Losing guidance
What am I Without teacher? A dreamer Losing inspiration.
What am I Without teacher? A human Losing meaning.
What am I Without teacher? A Soul Repeating the same mistakes.
Dear Teacher, You are born For me To be reborn As me.
I'm grateful to You.
Today’s lunch break was about a phenomenal chat with some teachers of life.
Thousands if not millions of teachers have taught me in life. There are some that I cherish the most today, those that have triggered me to make biggest decisions in life.
Thank you, dear teachers❣️
Bapak Merta Ada, he was the one teaching me to go within without doubt, without limit – “spread love and compassion”, his advice 🥹
Sister Zak, my Arabic teacher — she emphasised that what we read needs to be well understood first then pondered then can be interpreted (differently) — “be a responsible interpreter of the Quran for yourself, no one to blame when you make wrong interpretation or decision“, her advice
Aaron Cass, my mentor in Beshara School who helped me open most doors of freedom of responsibly being human through his amazing knowledge and wisdom about sufism and esp about Ibn Arabi & Rumi — “from now on whatever you do differently, never make it a new religion”, his advice
Ina, a best friend from high school whose action moved my soul: she left her brilliant career (at the same time I started mine in Singapore) without new career to take care of her parents for her sense of responsibility; she took care of her mother until she passed away, now she is taking care of her father; Ina, you are beautifully blessed — “let’s exchange stupid memes and videos”, her message
dear Ibu, i won’t let anyone hurt you — “work responsibly and take care”, her every morning’s advice
Vito, my dear nephew, “i will always love you and protect you forever”, his last message before he passed
the fire warden in the mirror, “have you smiled today?” my greeting to myself
Found a dearest good friend wrote a touching message in Instagram this evening and would love to keep it here — only in Bahasa Indonesia though
My translation into English might never be good enough to contain how compassionate her message is. You might want to translate with Google.
Note: it is a verbatim text
❣️
bertahun lalu, ketika berkesempatan mengunjungi ka’bah, aku duduk menatapnya lalu berucap: “tuhan, tunjukkan aku cara membaca (iqra) alquran. karean aku tidak percaya tuhan mana pengasih maha penyayang se-strict itu.” aku mengacu ke penekanan pada dosa dan neraka yang kerap diangkat.
sejak itu—atau sebenarnya jauh sebelumnya, aku percaya tuhan terus menjawab permintaanku: hidupku adalah tanggapan tak putus dari tuhan atas permintaan itu. dia menunjukkan betapa dia maha pengasih, maha penyayang dan nama-nama lain yang terlingkupi oleh rahman dan rahim.
aku dipertemukan dengan manusia dan makhluk lain (kucing misalnya) yang menunjukkan ragam bentuk kasih sayang, diperjalankan melalui peristiwa-peristiwa yang membantu melembutkan hati—atau menunjukkan di bagian mana hatïku masih perlu dilembutkan; dan dititipkan pada sekolah-sekolah yang secara gamblang membimbingku untuk lebih berwelas asih, berserah, dan merayakan hidup dan keagungannya.
manusia sejatinya bisa berjalan sesuai fatwa hatinya; bisa tergerakkan oleh arahan jiwa (spirit)-nya; bisa hidup dengan lebih jujur minimal kepada diri sendiri. utopis? atau bisa jadi pemikiran bahwa hal ini utopis telah membatasi kita?
banyak yang ingin kuceritakan. bukan untuk mengajarkan, karena siapalah aku ini. namun, lebih ke berbagi. siapa tahu ada yang mengetuk hatimu, lalu kau mengetuk hatiku kembali. Sama-sama kita belajar menjadi manusia.
ingin bercerita, tetapi belum tahu bagaimana. kutaruh tulisan ini di sini sebagai langkah awal. atau, mungkin, kau punya cerita, kegelisahan, pertanyaan, atau ide yang bisa melanjutkkan pembicaraan ini? terima kasih.
❣️
Thank you, dear friend. You’ve touched my heart many times, I hope I’ve at least once done as good as you.
A hermit walks in To a cave in a market. His night's never dark, Day's never noisy. He's still When he moves or talks. Centered--
Today is about another batik prepared by Mbak Izzah for shipment from Jogjakarta to Singapore.
Batik Ciptoning
Ciptoning is a Javanese word composed of two: cipta or cipto and ning.
Cipta or cipto means thought, imagination, creativity.
Also….
It means to create or to manifest.
And….
The ning, ening, bening, wening means clear as of water, clear as of mind, quiet, serene.
So ciptoning can mean clarify the thought and imagination or creativity….
Or creating or manifesting in serenity or in clear mind or in quiet mind.
This batik pattern consists of ceplok (clusters) of geometry patterns formed by series of parang, wayang, gurdha (garuda) or wings pattern, bird and some isen-isen (repeated small dots or checks or lines to fill the space among all primary and secondary patterns).
I did talk about parang, gurdha and isen-isen in previous postings. Hope they still can be looked up, or else they should be googled. 😉
There are two wayang characters in the centers of the ceplok who are Begawan Abiyasa and Arjuna; one is the spiritual teacher, the other is the pupil. This is the scene when Begawan Abiyasa teaches Arjuna on how to complete a retreat. Once Begawan Abiyasa completes his task, he disappears and Arjuna has to start everything by himself. Yes, teacher will vanish when student is ready to jump alone — not needed anymore.
What does Begawan Abiyasa teach Arjuna to do?
A common retreat in Javanese tradition is a semedi or samadhi. The samadhi is usually conducted in a quiet, serene place and it is done by calming the mind, composing the body posture and focusing on nothing but the purpose of the retreat– can be anything including something, everything even nothing. That is what Begawan Abiyasa teaches him to do.
In wayang world a special retreat like this is normally done before a knight goes to a battle against raksasa or gandharwa that are representing evil energy of the world. Arjuna as a famous knight of his ability to survive a long retreat, his nature of complete human quality (including but not limited to naughtiness and ambition) and his high skills of warship; is assigned to spend from time to time for a retreat more often than his siblings; while Begawan Abiyasa is a maestro of spirituality in wayang world and so is trusted to guide a knight to face his impurity.
When doing a retreat, Arjuna uses a different name as he doesn’t want people to know that a royal family member is among the commoners doing a retreat. And that doing a retreat is a secret activity, he doesn’t want to be disturbed by commoners who want to take selfie with him. 😃
He is named Begawan Ciptoning.
Begawan can mean some: hermit, escatic, retreatant, recluse, solitaire, anchoret. In some way it can also mean maestro.
Ciptoning is to describe what Arjuna is doing during that period of hermitage. He is composing himself physically and mentally in serenity in order to achieve purity in his thought, imagination and creativity. He contemplates in silence among the crowd within himself, fighting against all distractions to survive the retreat and to finally get a clarity on how to manifest the everything or something or nothing that becomes his purpose of retreat.
Begawan Ciptoning will only end the retreat when The Undescribable blesses him with what is needed to go back to the “real world”, “to fight against the evil energy”.
When he is done with the retreat the begawan turns its meaning and value from hermit into maestro!
😳
Long story short please, Rike!
Batik Ciptoning is a special batik for those respected spiritually in Javanese early tradition. It was worn by those achieving certain levels of hermitage or having the quality of a spiritual maestro and so can provide guidance to others “lost” in the “search of meaning of life”. Those people shall go through repeated cycles like what Begawan Ciptoning has gone through with the guidance of Begawan Abiyasa.
It is now though worn by anyone who loves the pattern or one who prays that s/he is able to reach an enlightment in her/his own journey of life.
Gosh! My writing is broken pieces. Many to write but my thumbs need a retreat….
💕
my pieces of batik Ciptoning ready for delivery ♥️
This goddess represents wisdom, knowledge, language and art especially music. She is also the one guarding the flowing river.
Dear, Saraswati You are blessed as I am.
Lyrics (major correction)
Om Jai Saraswati Mata, Jai Jai Saraswati Mata Sadgun Vaibhav Shalini, Sadgun Vaibhav Shalini Tribhuvan Vikhyata, Jai Jai Saraswati Mata Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Chandravadani Padmasini, Dyuti Mangalakare Sohe Shub Hansa Savare, Sohe Shub Hansa Savare Atul Tejdhari.... Jai Jai Saraswati Mata Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Bayen Kar Men Vina, Maiyaa Daye Kar Mala, Shish Mukut Mani Sohe, Shish Mukut Mani Sohe Gal Motiyan Mala, Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Devi Sharan Jo Aye, Unka Uddhar Kiya, Paithi Manthra Dasi, Paithi Manthra Dasi, Ravan Sanhar Kiya, Jai Jai Saraswati Mata Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Vidhya Gyan Pradayini, Gyan Prakash Bharo, Moh Aur Agyan Timir Ka, Moh Aur Agyan Timir Ka, Jay Se Nash Karo, Jai Jai Saraswati Mata Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Dhup Deep Phal Meva, Man Svikar Karo, Man Svikar Karo, Jag Nistar Karo, Jai Jai Saraswati Mata Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Maa Sarasvati Ki Arti, Jo Koi Jan Gave, Hitkari Sukhkari, Hitkari Sukhkari, Gyan Bhakti Pave, Jai Jai Saraswati Mata Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Friendship Is one fragment of life That keeps me alive. It hits me so warmly With friends' openness. It hits me so sadly With their secret battles.
There is a way and There is the other way To meet again Always one day.
Fauzia Fatchan or Fau or Uud is a great friend of mine. She was one supporting badass in uni time; she was an objective wall between those cheating and those with integrity. Her critical thinking would make those cheating to know their “no worth” and at the same time make those with integrity to humbly stay composed.
She’d been my best discussion buddy in all topics! Politics, social, economy, culture, religion, spirituality, education, poverty, conflict free mineral, business, sex, romance, etc. She would tell me I was misled when I had insufficient data to say my analysis. She would tell me excellent when my opinion outsmarted hers.
She yet would laugh her shits out when I broke my heart romantically.
“You are more valuable than those underestimating you or ignoring you!” That was a voice echoing until now.
She is the one I name a perfect friend!
I haven’t talked with her for the past 4 months as we both had been tremendously busy. She’d been managing her rare earth mine in one of big islands in Indonesia.
She is now battling against a rare disease, leaving no chance for me to hear her voice anymore.
I called her through video call by her brother’s help. I believed she could hear, she didn’t say anything but she moved her mouth everytime I called her name like saying something.
I love you so much, dear best friend.
I love you as an honest friend.
I love you as a proud Indonesian.
I love you as an extraordinary human being.
I love you as you!
Dear, Fauzia Fatchan. Even if I can not meet you again, I am honored to have lived as a human being knowing you.
See you again in eternity, my dear…
❣️
If we both have time, we will meet again, that was what you said in our last conversation.
I am sorry that I told you all my battles while you’d been in the same one, my dear. Please forgive me.
From a broken hearted friend because of your condition….
Is there anyone Before & After Me Leaving Without permission?
None--
It is a consent that forms Life, A period where You & I Meet at a dot on a ring.
salam, dear shrine where heart and soul escort body to whisper all secrets
Kameyama Shrine
before cleaning – looked like birds loved to bathe and leave some feathers as token of gratitude
after cleaning – no one asked me to clean this, i just felt that i needed to give Japan a small token of gratitude and Kameyama Shrine be the one to receive it
always praying someday I can come back to that shrine. I will tell her that she did give me amazing vibe in my whole visit in Kameyama. Shrines, mosques, temples, churches and other places where human beings whisper their heart and soul out have always been a charm to me.
enso – there’s a dot where two extremes meet and form balance to ensure life flows
It's a preferred life, Not a perfect one. Not much, And she's fine.
—
45R is one of my preferred brands (doesn’t mean i buy a lot of its products though) – its good material is preferred, its most designs are not as they are to me “very foreign” ☺️
Care comes from nowhere Free of charge in a white bag Called good heart.
—
coming home from office today, i found a white bag from no name — without opening it i knew it was sukun (breadfruit) from Aunty Goh, the kind lady
thank you❣️
With all the limitation some people are still willing to share. This touches my very heart.
Ramadhan (Islamic fasting month) is coming soon. Although sharing is not necessarily done only in Ramadhan, yet doing it in a month when I subdue more physical desire will expose myself to more meanings of life– hopefully. Sharing starts with Aunty Goh and the gang!
Please allow me, dear Aunty Goj to cook a simple dish for you this week.
This is a powerful song that always hits me at the core when I am complaining about what is not up to my expectation in life.
matur nuwun, Mbah Tejo for this powerful reminder about life
The poetic composition with “urip” (life in Javanese) and the “utang rasa” (owing the feel) reminds me that life is about crediting the feels we debit from others.
Life is about experiencing the feels whether it is giving, borrowing, owing or paying. What feels do we want to give? What feels do we want to borrow? What feels are we willing to owe? What feels do we need to pay for balance? Up to us.
When someone passes away, s/he will be remembered of what feels s/he has left in life whether what’s credited or debited.
Sometimes I talk to myself: what feel do you want to pay that you are so bitter to life?
Dear, Self. I am sorry. I’ve owed you so much negativity that I have nothing to pay but positivity.
One thing: I don’t want to have zero as zero will put flat tone in my humanity. I want to have more saved than deducted. Yet…. I cannot 100% be sure.
There's a time, my dear You cherish with sweet breathing. Winning against self--
—
i used to be very harsh to myself until 2019 when two doctors made me realise that taking care of my body is as important as taking care of my spirit and mental
i started expressing myself more freely and genuinely, less drama, no excuse to stop me from being calm and confident, accepting me the way me is, unlearning old knowledge, learning new knowledge, opening my heart to all possible layers of truth and beauty
now i believe i am one of this world champions seeing how well i coped with my own self until i can feel so comfortable again back to my me
…. now i won’t let those playing around with me for their own fun in to my life as my life is not only a span of fun free time yet it is a span of fun dedicating time
thank you all for being you even with just a brief existence herenow in this short journey
Coincidently waking up With light breath And open eyes In a good morning That calls for Another day.
Some don't know the feel And it's just a coincidence For me? How fair life is! How unfair life is!
Be blessed, dear. Be blessed everyday With the blessings That come from Every other way.
—
That coincidence often comes as blessings might have been ingrained in me, even more.
One Coldplay-big-fan friend said to me some time ago “If you have spare ticket for Coldplay in Singapore, please sell it to me.” He really wanted to watch Coldplay in many different places. Seems to him Coldplay has brought in a lot of good meanings into his life. Not denying this possibility, I have to admit the lyrics are powerful for those wanting to look deep in to their own selves.
I said “I will but it is a very thin chance knowing this band has tremendously massive lovers.”
Sorry, friend….
Yet one fine day in January one good friend from Jakarta texted me asking if he can let me buy two Jan 30’s Coldplay show tickets as he was “suddenly” assigned for a biz trip and would not make it to be in Singapore for the show. What a blow! This friend and his wife would have met me before or after the show so I was kind of upset to hear the news. Yet at the same time I remembered that one friend would be super excited to buy the tickets.
What a coincidence!
Long story short the Coldplay-big-fan friend agreed to buy two. He wanted to watch with his friend this time.
Some time after he agreed, he texted me again saying that his friend could not fly in for the show. Honestly I felt it was another coincidence as I was also thinking of going again – I found listening to “Biutyful” live was addictive to me. So, I asked if it was ok for me to buy the other ticket: Coincidently he agreed; he must have really wanted to watch with his special friend yet he welcomed me nicely.
excited in my 3rd watch! more? no, no, it was the last for the “Music of The SpheresWorld Tour”, now time to enjoy them back in Apple Music 😃
So, this time we watched from above. A very stunning view with all the well-arranged illumination and performance.
Another coincidence. My friend and I didn’t say anything about which tee to wear yet both of us happened to wear the same one: Coldplay 2023 Tokyo special edition design. Wow!
We both went crazy blended with others who were as crazy as us. I don’t know when I will meet him again after the show but I truly thank him for giving me a lesson that someone can love something (in his case a band) that he is capable of explaining almost all fun facts about the band that I didn’t even think exist. Memorizing all songs’ lyrics, knowing albums and EP contents, and so on and so forth! Thank you, KM-san! God bless you. 🙏🏼
I asked him how he could memorise all lyrics. His answer was annoyingly true “If you love something, you will remember.” Damn! I just realized forgetful is my middle name especially when dealing with passwords and where I put small stuff. 😂
Jan 31 was another merry day. My niece watched with her best friend and they stayed overnight in my home after that. Her friend is a journalist who knows how to access “Kampung Badui Kanekes” that I have dreamed of visiting. To my excitement he agreed to escort me to visit the unique ethnic group in Banten anytime I want to go. ♥️
Should I underestimate a coincidence? Or, actually there is no that that we call coincidence. It is just a lesson that we never clearly see and (hopefully) later will be well learnt.
Thank You!!!!
among all this is my favourite photo – AngelMoon❣️ BIUTYFUL!!!
Fragrance of sambac Ferries the wish to the love Reborn with new scents.
——
The death of my beloved nephew at young age (22 yo) is one extreme turning point in how I see life and what is in it.
I am not sad anymore and not considering it a loss anymore. Just drying tears and grateful smiles so — remembering how good his life was. How someone with so big mental wound could survive life by serving others in such a fun witty ways. 🥰 We now know how much we loved him and how tremendously he loved us.
Yet….
reborn
not interested in talking in group except for work;
prefer seeing life more lightly yet deeply at the same time;
choose to seclude myself by doing what I can do genuinely; if not, I will stay away;
respond to human interaction differently and it might have hurt people in outer rings; it doesn’t matter
still the same human being yet not the same anymore;
so amazed how losing loved ones can change someone so significantly. And the reality shows me whom are real and unreal, true and untrue…. 💚
Life is mysteriously beautiful.
Thank You so very much!
Alfatihah.
my younger brother’s 1st son was a newborn death; my older brother’s sons: one died at 10, the other at 22 — wishing them to be reborn with love, prosperity and luck 💕😊 you’re (always) in my heart and (sometimes) at my left wrist, boys! 💕💕😊
What I see… I am in a forest away From comfort of thought. I am not in a castle In which mind is blunted. My heart finds home In which 25 prophets And 1000 saints Have found the paths.
It is a way That all Prophets and Saints bless.
I am home With the flow That brings petals To where fragrance blends With clarity of fluids, Various fluids Gliding to a vast ocean Of love.
——
i don’t care anymore what i am called by them — Muslim? Alhamdulillah, Sufi? Subhanallah, Buddhist? Masya Allah
what i am sure of is that my sutra is sutra of love with which all prophets and saints have travelled, whatever religions they have been associated with
There are two gateways To enter one gallery Full of works of art.
——
my left side of face is sadder, bitter and negative with which i’ve been made more and more accepting to unwelcoming sides of life 💕
my right is happier, sweeter and optimistic that has persuaded me to be more and more letting go of what is not working after some good deed 💕
whatever unpleasant and pleasant things others say about me, i feel complete with some gap that might not need to be bridged simply to show that imperfection is a perfect gift in life 💕
Note: the picture at the bottom is batik scarf designed by Dudung Aliesyahbana, a batik maestro from Pekalongan, Central Java
rike jokanan 
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