You define sugar, I won’t. I prefer tasting All, and tell myself.
May all beings be happy.
Enjoy your weekend…. 💐
Category: Poetic
Dark, Fragrant Beauty
A bunch of roses, Send this prayer as a gift To those remembered Through air, land, water, fire in Dark, fragrant beauty. Amen.
I pray with flowers in a glass vase every week: reciting beautiful verses to those I’ve loved and remembered especially the ancestors, whispering unsaid love to those faraway, wishing they be happy everyday. Some people consider it ancient practice and not applicable or acceptable as modern but I feel more connected to my own self by doing it. So making it a habit
I love the dark mood of today’s flowers combined with my “sogan handmade batik”. It painted a shade of dark beauty with special fragrance and colour.
May all beings be happy.
Still You, Just
You’re in the dark. Who? What? Matter? Not! It’s still you. Just some shade and light.
I’m never perfect, will never be as long as I live with and in this matter. There won’t be any absence of uncertainty. There is always a gap to bridge, a space in between, an emptiness after fulfilment…. Always between 0 and 1 – a binary system of wholeness I call it. Swinging like a pendulum from one point to another up to one extreme point before at the end of momentum thrown back to the next direction…..
Why would you stay in the day for 24 hours if you can stay cool in the dark for 12 hours after a long working day? Or the other way around with some reason?
Why would you mind missing someone for at least an hour a day if it can make this life more vibrant? Just don’t hate….
Why would you regret your broken heart as long as you don’t hurt anyone’s pride? Just don’t forget to love yourself….
No matter what and who you are some time of and in your life, you’re still you. Be you! Be more whole you every time…. A true you
May all beings be happy.
Mrs Fondue
Good Swisss fondue is Not about cheese, bread or wine. It’s all chat and friends.
I missed one of my friends, Mrs Fondue whose face suddenly “flew around” for the past 2 months. Her number wasn’t active anymore. Called Mrs Fondue because she was the one introducing me to cheese fondue. Trying to contact people who worked around her with no result, I finally planned making cheese fondue and praying for her good.
Fondue was well served, not with the expected consistency but the taste is almost the same with my very first fondue in Cafe du Soleil.
Yet I could not enjoy this second fondue, even with air conditioner set to low temperature to bring autumn to this small living room. Still failed…. There was melancholic ambience striking me suddenly. No goosebump though 😁
The first fondue tasted greater than this. Maybe because I enjoyed it with Mrs Fondue who invited me to that “traditional” fondue cafe whose air was filled with warm laughter and greetings to the visitors.
This Mrs Fondue was an amazing yet unpopular lady, had done so much to help refugees from dangerous situation. We were amazed with what she and team did. Such a brave lady yet motherly and sweet she was!
She was a wise yet fun lady. She’s probably 15 years older than me but we could still chat like we were of the same age. Lucky to have met people like her in my life!
I’m praying for you, Mrs Fondue and family. If you are still here, I hope we still can see each other again. But if you’ve crossed the bridge, hope you’re smiling receiving my beautiful messages. Enjoy your fondue!
May all beings be happy.
You Can Read But Umm…
I can read but I Don’t know what I read and I Don’t stop ‘coz I like What I read. Sounds strange but I Like to read hidden meaning.
Reading is fun even if you don’t know the meaning of what is read. When learning a new language with totally different structure and alphabets from what you are fluently using everyday, the excitement is there. I was so excited when first time learning writing Javanese alphabets in my childhood and I mostly knew the meaning because Javanese has been my mother tongue; while Indonesian has been second (primary) language. Then Arabic gave me the second excitement when I was around 17. And now, Japanese gives me another excitement and a taste of frustration.
Mastering language is about internalising logical thinking of a culture, the logic of a nation. Why in one particular language structure a predicate is located at the end of a sentence while in the other it is somewhere else. This frozen brain has to work hard to know how Japanese digest facts and blend them into grammar. And all the sweet apology and courtesy all over the language now make me question if they are truly kind in heart or it’s just a muscle of articulation. Forget it. Just learn and know how to use it.
The excitement is here coz I read like a kindergarten student -loud, confident but dreadfully un-melodic”. Yet I love it! Even when I had to finish the super short story Ikkyu-San in 45 minutes. I keep mixing up among ne-re-wa, i and ri, nu and me… Good heaven! (Did I mean bloody hell?) Courtesy please 😂
I also have Yotsuba! for my next. But hey, that can only be started after reading Ikkyu-San smoothly with melody. When the melody and pace are right, read more books! Then get dictionary….
My colleagues in Japan already offered their free time to chat with me in Japanese when I’m ready. When? I don’t know…. 😂
May all beings be happy.
Sharing Or Not?
At times you can share,
Others you shouldn’t. It may hurt.
Different point of view—
I haven’t shared food pics very often in Instagram since some good friends contacted and told me how hard it’s been for them to make ends meet in this pandemic.
One of them said he once had to lower down his pride by agreeing to receive a donation from Australia to feed his wife and children. Sad….
Another said to me “Oh, how nice to have time and cook whatever you wanna eat. Hope we can have that privilege.” I was shocked when she said that as what I had known she had a very good tourism business, and now I knew that she got tremendously affected by this pandemic. Tourism has been hard hit in this period of time.
Not one or two but many came to me to borrow money to survive their business. Double sad! I had to apologise and politely refused to help. Just last year I started limiting lending cash to others. Not that not trusting people but yeah I have been cheated financially by those called friends. Ya, I was stupidly generous and irresponsibly stupid 😂 It should come to an end.
So, with all those reducing showing food pictures in Instagram is the best I can do to help. It is to clear up the jealousy and also to look ordinary. People think you have much money when you eat well. They never know how hard you work for the food on the plate.
May all beings be happy.
Loved By Nature
Mr Squyrrell came, Winked then said “Loved by nature”. She asked “yours or mine?”
Up to us to think of “loved by Nature” or “loved by nature”; maybe it’s everybody’s
May all beings be happy.
Lovin’ Ma Bike
Lil knoz ‘bout a gal Bikin’ crashin’ co’nut tree Laughed and helped at once
Remembering what you did in childhood is like watching cartoon movies, entertaining and energizing. How painfully the bad time was brought to you, when recalled, it brings a good smile back to your face.
When I was a girl, I loved riding bike. Often time racing with no one just with my beloved red one, enjoying the wind as if I was the queen of the road. Old people knew I was one of the careless.
One day I took off hands from the handlebars to clap hands singing along. Stupidly… No… Excitedly! Thought I was good enough as a bike rider. So, the wind took control of the bike in high speed as we were sliding from a sloping edge. We crashed into a coconut tree in front of neighbour’s house. It was my first bloody accident in life and not the last for sure 😊 I was lucky to live in a community who believed that children of the neighbourhood were the responsibility of all…
By then bike and I always met our rescuers. Now I won’t, so I ride bike wisely…. 😁 So far only one mudguard wheel was gone because of one silly accident —an irresponsible electric scooter didn’t want to slow down and forced me to get stuck to the side of the bike way pushed us to a tree. Hope no accident anymore 👍🏽
Nothing happens for no reason. Always be happy how much ever life sprinkles bitter to your plate. Hope all become good memories when we see it from later time.
May all beings be happy.
About Flowers
What about flowers? Colours, fragrance, shapes, and mood Wrapped in a prayer.
Singapore – November 20, 2020 / 00:10
Red Betel Vine
By red betel vine She paints a poem through canvas Message in a frame.
I’m romantically cheap as I can change all things into love message (to myself and the one that I care so much although secretly) to earn my own satisfaction and to calm inner storm. Gradation of emotions: heavy to light, colourful to dull, abrupt to flowing, all to serve equilibrium to what and who are dealing with me.
A betel vine in a small pot and my remembrance of red betel vines at my best friend’s backyard has drawn me to a flowing river of loving emotion that I realise existing constantly in heart.
All the leaves in my imagination turn to love that has lived generation to generation like leaves lining along the betel vine.
20% of the completion is here, already makes me overwhelmed with the deep love that I always have inside.
May all beings be happy.
Red Carnations
Through red carnations She says goodnight, sleeps away In his bright morning.
May you be happy in your bright morning.
Light Upon Light
Unexplained splendour Stirs the abyss of my soul. You’re A light upon lights.
Happy Diwali to all friends celebrating it.
Happy me in this long weekend. May all beings be happy.
Classes In Pandemic
What a given time! Fluency and artistic test, All measured and timed—
—-
This working from home has given me less travel time and automatically much shorter time for its preparation and unpacking etcetera. This should be well used, too as without it my sleeping disorder has caused a lot more trouble than before so I decided to take some online courses that have sprung like mushroom in rainy days.
I took some online courses in Udemy and some other course centres that offer more rigorous online courses during this pandemic. In Udemy I took massage class for baby, root cause analysis, project management, and so on and so forth — those are done independently, just read and listen to some lectures and do some test with or without certificates. The other two are language classes: Japanese and Arabic.
Why do I chose those courses? All that I took are all that I need.
Ayurvedic massage for baby? Don’t laugh! I am inspired by Yu Yat, my late baby sitter and “second mother”. She was the one taking care of me since I was a red baby until I reached 12 years old before I could take care of myself, while my parents were extremely busy as civil servants. In her late life my baby sitter continued her mother’s professional legacy as a baby masseuse – Javanese baby massage. I visited her everyday whenever I spent holiday in mother’s home. Seeing her handle the babies was my favourite and I told her that I wanted to be a baby masseuse like her and she said “You can but why do you have to? You have a very good job and you might not have time to do it.” She was right and it was forgotten for so many years but inspiration never dies – and so I took an online class. I plan to practice it when visiting my mother’s town after pandemic, Yu Yat’s sister in law continues the profession so I can “borrow one client baby”. Hope it is a success. Who knows I can be a baby masseuse in my retirement time. Yay!
The other classes are all things related to my jobs, I am “sharpening my claws”. Wicked lady! Haha!
And the language classes? I need them to better the quality of life. Japanese? I do communicate with Japanese whose English is mostly not up to my par — not all but most. The way they express their idea in English has either confused or annoyed me. And when I interacted with those guys I found at times they were laughing at me – bloody hell I don’t like to be laughed, men! I checked with the people working for me yes those men were laughing at me not to underestimate me but just because they don’t feel easy with a woman being so authoritative and open. Oh my! What is a female employee supposed to do at work differently from the male? Washing their coffee mugs or polishing their shoes? So I promised that I will at least understand Japanese and know when they laugh at me so that I can scold at them. 😁 No, no, I just want to make my conversation with them at ease. Japanese men are the most insecure male creature I’ve ever met on earth so I understand why they behave like s***** people sometimes. And, who knows I can write my first haiku in its original language someday? Yay!
Arabic language? I did learn for two years when I was young and I think I still need it so I am not cheated with wrong conception of religious thought. I have to know what the book is exactly saying as the translated version of Quran (into other languages) is never pure translation, they are all interpretation that have driven the reader to a certain opinion that will lead people to irresponsible actions at times. So with one of my best friends I took an online course. We both always want to be free thinkers with basis! Not much target – intermediate level is ok.
One more to go…. I want to join Jewelry making course and Asian herb course. Maybe I can make Jewelry and herbal drinks when I retire later.
I am so thankful that I’ve got time to develop myself in such a way. I’m not happy with this pandemic though, please don’t get me wrong….
But yeah, sometimes I juggle with the homework of the language classes. The teachers are killers! 😁
May all beings be happy….
Prayer Travels Fast
Prayer travels fast. Racing with light, it still wins. Ride it to meet me.
I Miss Office
Do you miss office Where sadness is forgotten And turned to life goal?
I was granted a 1-day access to my dear office and the feel was so great, almost like first day joining the company. The excitement was so real. I scanned the badge for the first time again since March when the circuit breaker was applied due to the pandemic. Thanks to a special task that I was allowed to work in office from 8am to 5:30pm.
Covid-19 counter measure is everywhere: notices, labels, stickers of social distancing, number of meeting participant in a room, no eating and meeting only, don’t use this seat, stand here around elevator doors and other doors where people possibly queue, temperature checking, barcode scanning, etc. It is so different as if entering a new place esp with some renovation going on and new products photos on the walls. Indeed refreshing and mood boosting after some months of distance from it.
Although I didn’t work at my work station this time, I didn’t miss the chance to visit the desk at a corner. A small desk with some small stuff, vase for flowers or plants, hello kitty to hug when it is too cold, a plaque from the leader, and a cape to wrap the body (also when it is cold).
I wish to be back to office. Early next year? Not sure but staying one day there has been a good time that gives me reasons to stay excited about humble life.
May all beings be happy.
What Are You, Honey?
What are you, Honey? Looks yummy then kills me. Oh! Harmfully infused!
Infused honey is worth trying. Choose the herbs wisely. Not the poisonous!
May all beings be….
Smile
Smile. Have a good life. Clear the head with light air, heart With rhyme and rhythm.
May all beings be happy.
Self Love Or Selfish?
Self love or selfish? A striking question to me From me about me. The answer hangs up the call Coming from behind my head. — Singapore, October 26, 2020 - 9:45pm
Arid Land, His Heart
I never want to hurt myself, I just didn’t know who you are.
I got hurt by a cactus in a desert
Who pricks little fingers,
Who just want to touch this life softly,
Not hurting, not taking anything away.
Wounded, I decided to blame stupidity:
Why did I have to have to have to have to have to just touch cacti? I should have left that arid land long before I touched a prickly spirit.
A delayed regret is less important than a lesson learned but it always gives a story the most significant pivot.
Now
I’ll just admire from here
From where I stand
With millions of prayers
For a secret journey.
Yet I know you are a ghost days and nights.
Someday when I pour down the rain,
You’ll know.
Love is as sweet as water in drought—
Maybe—
If it is not late....
May all beings be happy.
You, What?
You are a flower
Ready for fruition. Give
The best of all crop.
Stiff Neck No More?
Buckwheat hull pillow Reduces stiff neck. If not, A true marketer!
I couldn’t stand stiff neck anymore and decided to change my pillow into buckwheat hull. Once I tried one prominent brand but it felt too high (don’t like thick pillow) and it ended up stored on the rack.
Sobakawa pillow seems to be a very promising cure. Let’s wait if it really works, or the marketing just works.
May all beings be happy.
Who Is Your Best Friend?
Who is your best friend? MacBook, iPad or iPhone? Internet it is!
I can’t deny my % of interaction with outside of my body recently is through machines activated by Internet. Hope 2021 will bring the “real life” back to normal: when I do the job normally meeting people kindly at the same time evaluating honestly, when I can travel to home country to meet good friends and to favourite countries to absorb good energy, when I can smile to others without waving hand because of wearing face mask, when eating out is not limited except by the operation hours not by physical distancing, when things are natural.
‘m still happy though as Life has given so big a gift every now and then. I have family who love me and friends who accompany me in high and low. I work in a company that takes care of me very very well. All with the Beloved’s bless and love
So, I am still ok to be MacBooks, iPad and iPhone’s best friend for the next some months.
May all beings be happy.
Slowing Down – haiku
The steps have slowed down, Taking a deep breath, exhaled. She's feeling the now.
Is 24 hours enough? Everybody has the same length of time everyday but not everyone is able to appreciate how short it passes without being enjoyed and experienced….
Forgive me, dear Self for making you so dragged with all the fast-paced seconds unaware of what you are really doing. Now take a deep breath and feel the now…. There will be a day, a very long day of 24 hours but feel like it is a forever joy!
I think I am mad…. Talking to myself as if I am two or three or many…. Like Trahald in The Lord of The Rings. No worry, everybody has Trahald, Bilbo Baggin, Frodo, Samwise, Legolas, Gandalf, Arwen, Elrond, Eowyn, Gimli, urukhai, …. Take time to feel each of their presence, but don’t be one of them all the time. Just be yourself with some dose of all of them at the right time by slowing down….
May all beings be happy.
Hungry Caterpillar
Caterpillar feet
March on a twig. Oops! They flip.
Scary acrobat!
It looks up to the blue skies,
Prepares to cocoon itself.
—
Butterfly is never really born. It is a natural breakthrough after the hungry caterpillar is willing to go fasting and liquidize itself in seclusion. When it is time, a butterfly comes into being.
You might be not a colourful pretty butterfly but cocooning should have taught you that your present being is the output of a long resting period after such a long euphoric period of being a hungry caterpillar. The euphoric being is gone, replaced by a winged soft being flying and dancing celebrating the moving air around its body.
Your wings might be just pitch black but they are the result of how sincere you are in a transformative sleep hanging in a weak twig, without knowing if you’ll be slapped down when the twig is broken, without knowing that you’ll be aborted because of the wet, without knowing that the end is the end or a transition point. You just don’t know but you accept your not knowing.
You might not be as pretty as the most beautiful butterfly out there but…. You’ve gone through the same quality of cycle – not less not more. Thanks to fair Mother Nature.
To be “born” winged, fly, help the flowers pollinate before fruition and magically create graceful move with super powerful effect….
Don’t be upset for being a flipping hungry caterpillar’ coz when you’re transformed, your flapping wings can blow a typhoon!
May all caterpillars be happy…..
Rike Jo
Signs – ranting
When sign means nothing,
She’s maybe illiterate
Or dead desperate.
—
I had a conversation with a good friend, the topic was “sign”. This particular friend cannot read most of non verbal signs and hints from her spouse clearly. What her spouse shows non verbally won’t trigger any curiosity from her; except when he expresses it verbally then she will understand. Facial gestures, body language, more seriously mental vibration won’t do her any ring anymore.
I thought it was strange as a couple should be able “to read” each other’s feeling or idea with a blink of an eye! At least that’s my ideal couple goal.
Then after a while I can relate to what has happened to me.
I’ve been living away from family for more than 25 years; the 7 of which I’ve lived totally home alone (cats and other pets not counted). And that 7-year period is when I think I’ve lost the ability to read what my family is trying to communicate to me. We either don’t understand “the language” or we just can’t accept “the reasoning”. When it comes to language, I feel that our ability to read kinds of personal or cultural gestures have diminished either with my ignorance to their loving and caring behaviour or with their insensitivity to my practicality and logical thinking. We just don’t know how to match things in many occasions and usually we’ll just tolerate each other by saying “no worry, as long as you are happy and healthy”.
When I asked what happened to my friend and her spouse, she said “I just don’t know what language I should use to communicate with him”. Hmm exactly what I experience with my mother and siblings.
“Why don’t you try guessing whatever you see from him? Just to show that you care?”
“I’ve tried but it looks unnatural. He asked me why I did weird questioning and guessing.”
“It is ok, unnatural at the beginning but will be natural when you find the click”.
“We won’t find a click anymore. We are not happy and not meant to be.”
Eh?
At that point I couldn’t say anything. I think she is not illiterate, she’s seriously desperate.
Gosh! Life is a mystery! We, her close circle have always thought they’re the happiest and I’m the lonely. Now I think it is time to be thankful just for a minute to be happier even than the happiest.
May all beings be happy…..
Sunset – haiku
She loves each sunset.
It throws her things to ponder,
About life knots.
Temasek – Aug. 30, 2020 / 23:54
—
Many people choose to live in houses facing the east where the Sun greets them in their mornings. The iconic sunrise is not only the representation of natural beauty but also the indication of value in dollars of the residence.
All my windows face west though, with no special consideration except that I pay cheaper rent for this small apartment. My friends said I should have chosen the other one with some dollars more to see the sunrise. I thought I made wrong choice but soon found that sunset isn’t less beautiful than the sunrise.
Sunset gives me warmth of the day. It waves me a hope to see the next day. It’s red, orange, yellow behind the spectrum of light to dark blue and oftentimes grey to pitch black has become my dear friend when I’m home.
I’ve been not only living but also working from home since March and seeing many sunsets with different combinations of colours and weathers.
In fine days sky gives me clearer definition of what sunset is like. Round burning circle slowly and quietly drowns into darkness, leaving the land a peaceful place and letting electricity take the turn.
In cloudy days I’ll ask the sky where he hides the giant fire ball. He says the ball is still burning behind him, moving to the same direction in the same orbit with relatively the same speed, just that it is knowing that certain days don’t need its presence for some reasons. Sun still sets but my eyes don’t witness it.
Sunset has taught me that life goes on whether we see it or not, hear it or not, discuss it or not, taste it or not, smell it or not: sense it or not. Sunset has taught me that the attention is human beings’ button of “what exists”. With or without that button, everything exists yet human beings think some don’t exists just because their button is off.
Sunset is truly a gift for me from the Universe. It is a present when I miss my beloved people, a lesson when I’m aware of who I am or I am not, a teaching when I’m enlightened, a button when I’m observant or ignorant and many other subjects depending on what state of emotions I’m in.
Sunset is a call to realise that nothing lasts forever and at the same time thing can be an eternal memory of yours as long as you wish it is.
Alamak…. I become so sentimental because of sunset….
Thanks much, Sunset for accompanying me for some minutes in my long-hour day. I know you travel to the west, please carry my hope to my love and send it back to me the next day through the sunrise in front of my east front door.
May all beings be happy….
Mirror – haiku
If she’s not ready
To see herself. Stop giving
A mirror. Give gin!
—-
Sometimes you lose your confidence to tell your friend what you truly know about what happens to one; not because you are afraid of losing a friendship, but just because you know that one will lose one’s confidence by seeing one’s own true face.
Ya, sometimes you will sacrifice your position – before someone you keep doing yourself a stupid idiot (please excuse my language to myself) who will only act as a yes-friend to make someone get more and more drunk with fake realities.
A good friend, are you?
May all beings be happy….
Milk and Honey – smiling
Ants under a book
Crawl about into a nook,
Escape from a look.
—
I’d been struggling with happy ants on my desk. A group of ants were nesting under a book and even after some effort they were stubbornly staying under that particular book.
I didn’t get it but now I do.
I lifted the book and moved it to another place and magically no ants came back. I put another book to where the “problematic spot” is in. No ant came back! Until now….
When I checked the book that attracted the happy ants, I found the title is “Milk and Honey”.
May all beings be happy 😜
Ode To Beautiful Weekend
Ode To Beautiful Weekend
I can feel weekend
The thrill slithers on my back.
I can smell the weekend
The fragrance stabs my nostrils.
I can hear the weekend
The euphoria of wind whistling through the sliding door opening a jar.
I can touch the weekend
Its textures give me goosebumps of excitement.
And I can see the weekend
A fluffy nest on my bed with pillows under my feet and the greenery across my windows.
Weekend, you beautiful period
All senses are hugging you
With love and hope.
Weekend, I know you don’t last forever
You are just one seventh of the cycle,
Only a dwarf that ends the line,
Only one color in the bowing rainbow,
Only an end that starts another project.
Weekend, you are the true refresher though
That stops the billowing smoke from the top of my head,
That interrupts the intensity of hostile stalking of some friends,
That gives me space to shift my focus.
Dear Weekend,
Bring me Love in your next visit.
Pack your luggage and safe travel.
Me to Weekend – Aug. 2, 2020 / 08:57
September – ranting
September is the most romantic month. The feeling maybe comes because I was born in September. Or, there may be other reasons that haven’t emerged yet through my mind. The taste granted now is that September is romantic for me.
Anyway, why isn’t a question I want to deal with about this. Just can’t wait to meet September again. Although I cancelled the 2020 annual major holiday (I claim it every September), I still think it is gonna be a great time!
September, be my sweet anchor forever.
May all beings be happy
Singapore – Aug. 1, 2020 / 21:59
rike jokanan 
You must be logged in to post a comment.