Dewdrops, Beloved
Reflect her face glistening
Welcoming morning.
reflection, mirroring, reciprocity – without it, nothing should proceed as only with two the tango will go, the dance of universe
Dewdrops
Category: Those People
I’m Saved, Are You?
There are ways
For those hiding
To stay hidden.
There are ways
For those running
To keep running.
There are ways
For those struggling
To forever struggle.
They say they do it
For those they love.
They claim they do it
For those they care.
They pledged they do it
For those they respect.
Is it true?
Words can lie.
Numbers can manipulate.
Silence can cover.
Yet eyes can't bury
What's sliding with tears
On the face of reality.
Don't lie to me
Honesty saves everyone's time.
I have no time
To have fun
If fun is your way to hide
Your true face from me.
Save yourself
By letting go
Off the masks
That you wear even when alone.
Let it fall off
And I will stride away
With a lot of pray.
Father
May 2 is a special day. It is Indonesia’s National Education Day at the same time the date when my father passed away.
I pray for him always. Yet on his birthday and on his death day I recite special prayer for him.
My father
Is a book mark
With which I remember
Where I should restart.
He is not part of the book,
But with him reading would feel so light.
Mother to Child
Dear, Child.
Look at the stars
Blinking their signs;
The shooting star
Burning their directions;
The glowing sky
Telling their histories.
Dear, Child.
Listen to the old songs.
See the old galaxies.
Touch the swirling dusts.
Taste the sweetness of comets.
Smell the expanding universe.
All no limit
But your definition.
Hug me
As we travel.
Trust me
As we wander.
Like I hug
You,
Like I trust
You.
Dear Child.
body and soul is like a female and a male in a marriage as discussed in classes of spirituality
in Javanese tradition body is symbolizing the female that is also the earth — accepting, submissive and intuitive; while soul is symbolizing the male that is also the heaven — giving, powerful and guiding
yet to me it’s not always that way; to me yes body and soul is like a mother and a child — the mother holding an infant (can be a girl or a boy) in a state that the mother is making sure the child is purely happy
I personally believe as long as the soul remains childlike, the body is not suffering — accepting what is is the key
about this life I sometimes don’t want to define as definition is a limit
and so I don’t force my understanding to anyone even to those I love the most because spiritual experience is very personal, cannot be forced, can only be synchronised through mutual journey
that’s why spiritual journey is called silent path; even when we’re in the same discussion room, the expansion of understanding might be different from one another
let’s accept our own silent path with no judgment
❣️
Notes: it’s my personal thought, doesn’t mean to influence anyone, a ranting of a life traveler
Ibu
Ibu,
Selalu kurindu
Jemarimu
Di rambutku,
Senandungmu
Di tidurku,
Doamu
Di langkahku.
I miss you, Ibu 💕
Tanda (Yura Yunita)
Yura has been a star singing for me. I downloaded almost all of her songs in Apple Music.
She’s released a new song “Tanda” recently and it is another praying song that is so much enjoyable and uplifting.
Never bored of listening to the voice of this singer with a beautiful heart —
God bless you, Yura.
Thanks for singing from the heart. When you sing, I feel like praying with you.
💕
In Between
In between if there is a gap,
It's to bridge,
Not to separate.
if you are between two, quit; said I to myself always 😊
A Mother (ranting)
If I'm a mother,
I'd be my children's student
And their wisdom guide.
I had a Sunday cafe date with a friend while she was accompanying her son having taekwondo class nearby.
Like usual only with this friend I can always agree to go out of my home at weekend except when I am really caught up with urgent work. With her (and her husband and children) I can talk freely with loud laughter without being afraid of any judgement. They are perhaps my closest friends here in Singapore.
One of the today’s topics was mother.
We know quite a bit about both of our journey of relationship with mothers. As daughter we had almost the same experience of dealing with mother: acceptance to be a daughter of a woman with very different mindset and nurturing experience.
Our acceptance to our mother’s love evolved beautifully. Both of us have realised how much our mothers love us and how much we both love those women called mother. It was just a matter of positioning based on respect and understanding. It is always about knowing what and how love manifests in life.
oolong tea, thanks for witnessing friends’ laughter and genuine talk
That she is herself a mother of two children has taught her what a mother’s love means. To me I experienced various conflicts and arguments with my mother until at one point I realised how hard it was to be in her position and how hard to me to accept the fact that I have to accept my position before her culturally, biologically and ethically.
This friend likes to share with me how she raises her kids and the vice versa, I also like to give case studies and see how she treats some situations. Among all married friends she might be the one I would like to be like in most situations, not all as we still have different opinions in some topics if I am a mother (I know it is just an if as I don’t even have a hope to be someone’s wife at this age). She is open to communicate with her kids and husband up to a level of sitting at a round table to openly argue about things; at the same time she has her boundary at which point a mother stops to force and at which line a child must respect parents.
Today’s was our last 2024’s meet-up. She will fly to Karuizawa, Japan on Dec 11 until end of year and I will finish my work before end-of-year’s home country leave for a short while.
This friend always makes me miss my mother.
Ibu, I will call you tomorrow morning…. Know that I will always love you . Know that I will say yes if you become my mother again in my next life.
💗
Anger (ranting)
This experience explains to me why I avoid preaching through concluded statements; it explains to me why I prefer sharing my experience while stating what lessons I’ve learnt through it and let my interlocutors deal with their own thoughts.
I saw a short YouTube video about “how to avoid anger” and said to myself “Ok! I can do it easily! A piece of cake!”
Dropped by the driver in KLCC, I headed to my favourite brand for corduroy pants and skirt. There won’t be time to get them in Singapore because of back to back trips until mid Dec. And the 10% discount as a tourist; what a lure.!
also these books from Kinokuniya 😍
Walking back to hotel prancing, I decided to continue some minor work (no workouts, enough with 4231 steps today and new books to scan before skimmed later) when a call from an unknown Malaysia number came in.
….
“Hello, Ma’am. Good evening. I’m Z the storekeeper in dadada…… I undercharged you by MYR360…. Where are you now?….. Can you come back to our store?….. But I need to close tonight….. Please help me….. I will send the payment link to your email. What is your email?….”
Long story short, I paid. Fact: she is younger than me, she spoke as if I made the mistake, she told me to come back to KLCC, not negotiable for me to come back tomorrow….
Lady, you undercharged me not because I intended to underpay you. Your mistake and yours only. Her tones in the call ruined my good impression about the pretty ex flight attendant.
I was about to rant to her with professional comments when I remembered the video I watched. Damn!
🤭
this person’s message: tips to avoid anger: think before talking: count to 10 before talking (due to bad mood) to younger, count to 30 to those at the same age, 50 to those older, count continuously to wife without talking, no need to count just talking to the husband
😂
i counted to many even though she is younger and it was her mistake
bloody hell! it is definitely not easy to not be angry to someone who annoys me
😝
This explains why delaying responses is important. This explains why I don’t really enjoy concluded statements outside work. This explains why I prefer telling stories and sharing my lessons learnt. This explains why I really want to shut up starting tomorrow except at work or to my nieces and nephews.
I don’t want to be slapped by my own words!
Damn, Beloved! 😂
The Master
The Master, Beloved
Shows me how beauty is made
And destroyed. That's life.
Ibu Tien is a senior batik artisan who has been my main source of my Yogyakartan classical batik collection. As a Javanese I never want to even sit at the same level with a master; I will sit at least one level lower from them at least when being in a frame. 💕 She is about 15 years older than me. Other then her Mbak Izzah, Ibu Tien’s daughter in law is another master of Yogyakartan classical batik
Mbak Izzah preparing my package; this stack was not one-time haul, many of them are those started 2 years ago — yes, one sheet of batik can be processed up to two years, mine was because some colouring process was done in another city (Solo) and some batik makers had to pause the batik process to go to rice field (taking care and harvesting rice)
Wukir Sari, Imogiri, Oct 25, 2024
Mbak Fitri is a master of “batik nitik” who becomes my main facilitator for “batik nitik” collection. She is the one introducing me to the senior batik artisans who dedicate themselves to this tradition. I sat down on the floor and made her sit at the chair although she strongly refused; my respect to this master although younger than me. 💕
Mbak Fitri’s artisans at the studio
Bangun Jiwo, Kasihan, Oct 26, 2024
Rendezvous and Rare Chat (ranting)
I went out for dinner at the last night stay in Hanoi with some old friends (all auditors I met before I joined this company) and our conversation like always went astray, this time to Q&A about why some of us are singles after 40.
Among 11 of us going, 4 are singles and only I am open to marriage, the other 3 just want to have temporary partnership or commitment without marriage. And so I became the center of discussion; curiosity at its highest season. 😁
Friend (F): At your age, you still want marriage?!!!
Me (M): Yes. That’s the only committed romance I want when a man approaches me. I don’t need a long dating before marriage either.
F: But you’re a romantic type who will need sparks to bloom first before marriage.
M: I will not let a man approach me if I don’t have a spark. Or, if I sense he is just playing around, I will buy strong eraser to erase my sparks immediately. I don’t want to be broken hearted again. The rule is no sh*t, no one between us.
F: So rigid! Put some fun!
M: Marriage is a commitment so I need to make it true and real from the start with some fun. The full fun can wait and it is forever. Am I right, hey married friends? (Most of them agreed; a few of them complained about the boredom of being with only one partner.)
a heavily-romantic song from Sal Priadi that might depict a definition of romance to me 😁
F: I wonder what kind of man you are attracted to.
M: No particular.
F: Must be Muslim?
M: No. I stopped talking about religion since forever. A man with religion is not a guarantee, based on my long observation.
F: Handsome?
M: As long as someone is a man, I can call him handsome.
F: Rich?
M: Not necessarily but I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t have enough resource to take care of his family. I don’t want someone from a family that has tendency to overestimate its own and underestimate others. Socioeconomic charisma in society is never my criteria. My criteria is simply stable protection; I don’t look for high profile family.
F: So, what type do you want? Seems humble but you are actually picky!
M: Why are you irritated by my preference?
F: I mean you are 49, don’t you think you need to simplify your criteria?
M: I have done it and I only have 5 main criteria.
F: Name them, lady.
It was funny that I felt life became so roomy when I was able to tell who I am to other human beings without forcing.
M: 1. Sexually straight — I respect LGBTQ++ but I don’t want to be in a romance with them. 2. Not abusive verbally, paychologically and especially physically — abuse is never good, 3. Loyal to me then his and my families — 4. Independent including in making decision for himself and later him and me, 4. Responsibly hardworking.
F: Why hardworking? Smart working no?
M: I don’t know what smart working is, maybe it is just another tyoe of hard working. I saw my father, a hardworking man who took care of his family to the best he could. He might not have been able to make us super rich family but he never gave up. He was a responsible man by being hardworking. We are respected because my father had dignity in his life. No lazy man is welcomed.
F: I am lazy at the weekends, Rike.
M: And you are seriously married. A good combination to a no.
There were other questions but not shareable here. Too private and personal 😎
F: Do you feel lonely?
M: I am not except in a long biz trip like this. Hotel room never feels home after one week for me. When I am home, I never ever feel lonely; I love staying home with or without company.
F: I pray for you.
M: For what?
F: To marry your true love.
M: Thank you! (Funny to accept the prayer from the atheists; so officially that day I started believing that all human beings believe in a power beyond life, some just don’t find the right concept they can accept.)
We enjoyed the chicken claws that tasted much more delicious that evening because of our conversation. Laughter and beer (for me no beer) made the short rendezvous worth goldbars. Then we travelers walked back to our hotels and residents drove back home.
I love my friends! They don’t judge my choice how much ever different it could be.
Be happy, dear friends. See you in our next rendezvous!
to my true love, i am saying hi to you before you arrive,
but if you don’t, do believe that i’m ok with or without you
💕
Borderless Escapade
Music, Beloved,
A borderless escapade
Of this heart that sings--
sometimes i just want to explode when other people criticise me as if ones had the utmost knowledge to sort which soul goes to hell or heaven
!
life of life…. lucky i have good hearing to let music enter my realm of sound and space
while listening to music, i let music absorb what i can’t tell human beings to or about
dear life, make me someone who listens to music of universe and utters good things even when this heart gets murky as muddy water
💗
Beauty and Majesty
Beauty, Majesty
Both in me--
I'm predictable,
I'm throwing surprises,
Both simply reflecting
One whole me.
If you don't want one side,
You won't either get the other.
yin-yang, duality in unity, union in separation, jamal and jalal of asmaul husna, beauty and majesty, masculine and feminine, etc; you name it — it is a perfection in an imperfect human being
what do you expect from a human being but two sides of a coin, beloved?
💗
Joy Is Contagious
Joy is contagious
Spreading through fungi,
Growing under the ground,
Connecting stations of interest on earth,
Glowing through memories, hopes and dreams.
if i happened to be in Jogja today, i would have loved to be there too to meet with these announcers whom i listen almost every morning to start my day; their joyful moment was contagious though so even not joining, i could feel the joy!
i wish you health and joy everyday so you can share good things longer and more
💗
Another Year
Happiest birthday
To my sacred woman,
Mother.
Please always give
Another year
Every year
For us to pay.
i used to have a difficult relationship with my mother, very difficult; whatever i did was just not acceptable — my choice was her rejection, always
one year to reconcile i asked her to go for major pilgrimage with me but she rejected saying that she was too weak to do (even i offerred the shortest period); but she agreed for a minor pilgrimage — it was to me a cauldron of patience test, and i think the same for her; but we both started to know what was the knot in the rope
i never knew how jealous a mother can be to a daughter who is close to her husband until that day when she said to me “your father loved you more than loved me” — i was very close to my father and now i knew why she wondered why; we both know and accept it now
starting that year our relationship was getting easier and easier until 2018 we were in the peak — i was in my third worst argument in my life with her (1st when i refused to marry a man chosen by her, 2nd when she disagreed with my romance that eventually ended)
since then we started to learn gradually that there was a big misconception about mother-daughter relationship
a mother who thinks that her daughter is a possession should let go; a daughter who wants total freedom should slow down — there shall be a middle way where balance is achieved
and it worked; our relationship is getting better and better — we get along very well, we are relaxed in treating each other
do i love it? yes, except that she will contact me every single day to ask me how i am 🤪
happy 80th birthday, Ibu; thank you for being my mother — hope we clean our karma in this life so when we meet again, everything is going smoothly 😘
i love you the way i do you
you know i will never let anyone hurt you
💗
Liberated
Liberating love
Makes her fly high to the sky
Seeing a blessed heart.
the ultimate love is that that liberates
listening to this song feels like liberated in love
💗
A Door In A Home
She thought
The door was open ajar
And so she stepped forward
Then she found
It was never ajar,
It was unclearly welcoming,
Playing true heart,
Causing a burning pain.
It was a glass window
Protecting a door
That was never open--
Neither for her
Nor for anyone
Probably--
Some home is designed
To lure hope
Just to damage true trust.
She decided that
It's her fault
And mindfully she's to be careful
As her heart won't
Bear the cost of
What's not true
Anymore.
stand in front of a door that is finally found never open for me, time to go within
it is my first time, very first time to find that a heart can show me so overwhelmingly huge clear admiration and hope but then cause me to free fall ridiculously
maybe i did something really bad to that heart in my previous life
dear, love — i don’t want unclarity next time; i don’t want false alarm; i want only clear mind and genuine intension
lesson is learnt in many ways; i thank life for teaching me so much love — this time love that has no clarity about its own self
thank you, love for giving me clarity about myself and about you
💕
A Gift
A gift, Beloved,
Wrapped or unwrapped, it will be
Blessings to both sides.
today i met my Tapa Brata room mate, she is a sister in this spiritual and medical journey for me; while she is much younger than me, she is tremendously more advanced in what we both are doing — today she wrapped me a silver jewelry that i right away wore to go dinner with her in PS
thank you for this pretty gift, FO
Blessed
She's blessed, Beloved
In the name of none but love
By those knowing love.
almost done with the packing — short getaway somewhere connected with 1-week biz trip to KL
i’ve been in good mood
this was the first time i was kissed and hugged by the CFO of a company after a closing meeting — she said she had heard my name from other counterparts in other branches and she liked the way i defended my standpoint; or, probably she was just being a mother who remembered her daughter
thank you, YW; you are blessed
Fire
I will keep this fire spark within and share it with my loved one — only when love reciprocally matters.
I love you, my morning.
💕
🔥
Thank You, My Morning
Thank you, my morning
For giving my passion back
After short suicide.
the lagoon pool this morning, its splashing sound competing with the traffic picking up was the background when i called my mother after my morning walk
my mother is sometimes too worried about me then she says “you’re too active”; she’s not exactly right — yes i swim every 2 days, walk 5km every 2 days and bike now and then but i see others run, hike the mountains, box (some of my Filipino colleagues do), etc
so i told my mother just now that i will keep being active if this is what she calls active as this is what makes me greet my morning with positive vibes everyday
i don’t want to waste my time by doing what those in despair do
and she always tells me “don’t forget the routine fasting but eat more” — what?! mother…. a woman that annoys you but you can’t stop loving her
terima kasih, my morning & ibuku sayang
HAHAHA!!! (only in Bahasa Indonesia)
Today’s dvetsiaranpagi episode is so far the most heavily belly-shaking (to me) esp. on the scout experience & the proverb “bagai pungguk merindukan bulan” parts. Downloaded, rewatched at lunch break and will be rewatched for my rest–
😂
the vulnerable & the critical
You’re A Book
You're a book she's read,
Much to digest and absorb.
A witty preface--
i breathe books in everyone i meet; their life stories are all worth telling; some in secret, some in public — no one is unworthy
sometimes i can sense a dazzling story just by reading its preface; sometimes the preface doesn’t represent the helter-skelter conflicts within the book; sometimes a book simply puts me to sleep soundly
😎
The Best
What's best, Beloved?
The one assigned to you now.
It's one and for all.
she is not the best mother compared to others, might not even better, but i think she is the best assigned to me
it’s great to talk to my mother now and then; please live healthy and longer, Ibu 😘
Do You Mind Me To?
If I'm to follow,
It's only to follow you.
Do you mind me to?
the sun, sunflower and a weekend
Softness
She won't let go, Love
The softness and clarity
She's gained through tough years.
found it this morning and sent it to Ina and Novi, my bestfriends — humble human beings whose heart talks to me with blissful joy, i to them and would be on and on
thank you❣️
Composed
She's simply composed,
Not even shaken by storm.
Rooted to the earth--
My intuition works wonder when it comes to family esp mother, as if knowing when something wrong happens even no one informs me.
Yesterday I contacted my sister saying that mother might not be good. She said mother was ok and sleeping.
My gut said different. I contacted my cousin saying the same thing and she said “Yes, she fell and injured a bit on her chin and left hands.”
I happened to know later that my mother didn’t allow my sister to tell me about the incident.
I tried to digest the “lie” although the feeling inside was a mix of anger, disappointment, sadness, left behind at the same time relief that she was now ok.
This morning after a long meeting I called my mother. I really wanted to give her some “lecture” that she should be careful, should not do this or that and should let me know whatsoever happens to her. But I detered myself from doing so.
I know what I would say is something true but don’t want to hurt her motherly affectionate decision. I chose to accept her reason of not informing me: so my child can work with light heart.
My mother is one of the mentally strongest women I’ve known in life. None of people knowing her will say otherwise.
Once I joked around with her “Ibu, please pray that I don’t have to be as strong as you in life as when I’m as strong as you, it means I will have one most challenging of human life.”
She said “You can be stronger than me but don’t need to experience what I have in life. Trust your life.”
Yes, I do trust life will protect me from the harms.
I love you, Ibu. Thank you.
💕
Without Teacher
What am I
Without teacher?
A lost wanderer
Losing destination.
What am I
Without teacher?
A confused traveler
Losing guidance
What am I
Without teacher?
A dreamer
Losing inspiration.
What am I
Without teacher?
A human
Losing meaning.
What am I
Without teacher?
A Soul
Repeating the same mistakes.
Dear
Teacher,
You are born
For me
To be reborn
As me.
I'm grateful to
You.
Today’s lunch break was about a phenomenal chat with some teachers of life.
Thousands if not millions of teachers have taught me in life. There are some that I cherish the most today, those that have triggered me to make biggest decisions in life.
Thank you, dear teachers❣️
Bapak Merta Ada, he was the one teaching me to go within without doubt, without limit – “spread love and compassion”, his advice 🥹
Sister Zak, my Arabic teacher — she emphasised that what we read needs to be well understood first then pondered then can be interpreted (differently) — “be a responsible interpreter of the Quran for yourself, no one to blame when you make wrong interpretation or decision“, her advice
Aaron Cass, my mentor in Beshara School who helped me open most doors of freedom of responsibly being human through his amazing knowledge and wisdom about sufism and esp about Ibn Arabi & Rumi — “from now on whatever you do differently, never make it a new religion”, his advice
Ina, a best friend from high school whose action moved my soul: she left her brilliant career (at the same time I started mine in Singapore) without new career to take care of her parents for her sense of responsibility; she took care of her mother until she passed away, now she is taking care of her father; Ina, you are beautifully blessed — “let’s exchange stupid memes and videos”, her message
dear Ibu, i won’t let anyone hurt you — “work responsibly and take care”, her every morning’s advice
Vito, my dear nephew, “i will always love you and protect you forever”, his last message before he passed
the fire warden in the mirror, “have you smiled today?” my greeting to myself
Water War
Today
The war was cool
Under the water
With some kids
Who know
Only fun!
look at those 3 teenagers — they shot me with a water gun under the water while i was swimming; they thought i would be annoyed, i said to them “hello” when i breathed in above the water then we became friends, they moved aside when i was passing by — thank you, sweet rascals 😀😘
i saw they did the same to other swimmers 😂👍🏽
i think i have fewer and fewer reasons to ignore blessings in this life
Glued
They are clearly glued
Sailing through tides, high and low
One sweet tomorrow--
back to 2022, 2024 photo is not published as the pose is too vulgar 😁
we 1st met in 2013 and this friendship is lasting forever
born in different countries, nurtured in different culture, educated in different discipline, moulded in the same work culture — see you again in mid Aug, ladies!
rike jokanan 
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