graphs of my Universe
Mistake? Oopsie-do! I do, they might do. Oopsie! Mistake is lesson.
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When I found that I wrongly saw the date…. Alamak! The Lebaran isn’t tomorrow, it’s the day after tomorrow. It means I still have one more day for fasting….. 😝
And I exclaimed “Oopsie-do!”
Lesson learnt: Don’t be too excited about food.
Blessing in disguise: one annual leave + one public holiday = heaven on earth
One awaited day, A line to end and to start A cycle. Nom nom nom!
This is the second Ramadhan without going out of this island. It feels serene. It is Lebaran (Ied) tomorrow. Many Muslim feel it is a happy sad time to end Ramadhan knowing that it is when they will celebrate a big day, realising that they might not meet with the next Ramadhan. For most Muslim Ramadhan is one of the most prominent and favorite months of the year with different reasons.
This person?
While it is culture that nurtures the vibe of Ramadhan in someone’s life, at the same time it is one’s personal experience that defines how meaningful and beautiful it is in one’s life.
My best Ramadhan was when I was a teenager. Ramadhan meant long holiday, browsing around from one “langgar” (small hut designated to pray together and teach how to read the Quran, usually won’t be used for Friday or ‘Ied prayer like mosques is, I never found extreme teaching in any of langgar I visited by then) to another, from one mosque to another looking for which prayer was the shortest and the most crowded with children to play with after. We would meet new friends, new games and new snacks every Ramadhan!
We also loved gathering food on the day for breakfast time when finally all the food could not be enjoyed. After fasting for 3 consecutive days, you can’t eat more than half of your normal. Your belly shrink! It didn’t stop us from gathering food though. Greedy child!
Clean if not new clothes is a recommended to wear in Ied. The clean and/or new clothes symbolise the self as spiritually newly born and pure gold after being “burnt” in the hottest month of the twelve. I loved it, I loved it, I loved it! I don’t buy clothes in Lebaran anymore, that’s not excited anymore and it has become an impulsive buying.
Ramadhan doesn’t feel that fun and full of adventures anymore to me. Aside from because of living in a place where legal restrictions will make people more citizen rather than human beings, no excitement of celebration involving cheerful crowd except scheduled and arranged by the authority; as an adult mature I “should” put more “less innocent” meaning in order to adjust with what the surroundings expect from me. How time flies but memories stay implanted in one’s remembrance.
In the opinion of this “aging me” fasting isn’t only about no eating, no drinking, no sex on the day. It is more about a structured self management: when to push the gas pedal and when to kick the brake. That’s life to me now: how effective the brake is working, not how outstanding the gas pedal is.
Anyway, Lebaran is also when Muslim should turn into butterfly after being a cocoon for one month. If they don’t, they should not look into the mirror. How could you be a cute caterpillar forever?
See how happily and how long a butterfly will live. No doubt that once one lies eggs, the next cycles will repeat soon. I myself am ready to eat big on the Lebaran’s day; a caterpillar mode on. Let’s cook tonight then eat tomorrow!
Under the green leaf, Crawls then sleeps. Wake up with love. Fly, Butterfly, fly.
Metamorphosis of egg to caterpillar to cocoon before butterfly is beautiful and relevant with the cycles of human being’s life in all aspect.
How someone finds a potential and amplifies the potential with any resources that one can think of such as schooling, taking courses/training/workshop, reading, listening, watching, contemplating, consultancy…. Oh some others who don’t have clear thinking include their actions of cheating, stealing, breaking the law, stepping the integrity lines, backstabbing, etc.
It is like witnessing the eggs sheltered by some shade of plants and with the weather and pressure, they are pushed to crawl out of the shells. Here it comes one hungry caterpillar, playing happily, eating this, eating that, eating these, eating those, eating everything. This caterpillar can only stop eating when one feels numb and one’s fullness melts away and wraps itself to sleep. The things one consumed liquifies it like ice thawed in a plastic bag.
Sleep soundly, hungry caterpillar and don’t wake up until someday your fluid self come into form, embodied into a totally different creature. The butterfly you are!
There was a time when an employee is so preoccupied with what one is doing, as if one is wrapped in a system that trapped one doing the same thing like no choice is given. One does it everyday until finally not having to think of how to do it already. One might feel the job is ingrained as a thought, a feeling, an intuition, movement, the life itself. Trained skills and talents make an art, the integrity shapes wisdom. A job—when has become a dedication— will not betray a human being.
Hope someday mine becomes one. It is never about how high I climb but about how deep I dive into the commitment of making what I’m doing a wisdom and benefits for those we promise to protect and support.
I think it is ok to be one hungry caterpillar, looking greedy and craving for more knowledge, experiences, adventures. As long as it knows where poison lies, it is safe to chew and swallow anything. No no not anything…. Select wisely, Beloved.
I remember Steve Jobs said “Stay foolish, stay hungry”. That person really knew what he was doing. Many people might have thought negatively about him, laughed at what he was doing, called him crazy, kicked him out for having different ideas, backstabbed him to stop his annoyance. Those people just didn’t know that that guy was a hungry caterpillar processing into a cocoon before butterfly. Amazing human being! God bless time when he was alive and forever.
Hmm…. Perhaps he truthfully made himself hungry by fasting and foolish by learning and unlearning.
God bless you, Steve Jobs and the people around his belief about staying foolish and hungry.
Salam….
Silent nights have come To sit still and greet the heart. Please forgive me, Love.
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Ramadhan month is almost over. Many Muslim will spend the last 10 days of Ramadhan in the mosques. They focus on the zikr (remembrance) by enchanting attributes of God and reciting the Quran. They call it i’tikaf— literally meaning staying put or sitting still, commonly understood as retreat in the mosque to worship the God recommended at the last 10 days of Ramadhan. How beautiful those nights are!
How lucky people who have the time to spend with themselves and look in to their own inner journey.
I’m not a devoted one so I don’t do the i’tikaf anymore. For retreat I prefer attending discussion or meditation session or just being alone contemplating or just wandering at the nature.
I feel lucky that this past one year has been a kind of long retreat through the working from home during pandemic. I’ve got sufficient time to do what I missed doing for almost the past 12 years in which back to back trips were a cup of tea, and do it slowly with (sometimes not full) awareness.
Cooking own food, washing own clothes, cleaning the whole house alone, running or walking at the river bank, biking around midnight time, painting, singing out loud at lunch time, writing journals and blog, watering my plants and talking to them, and so on…. All thanks to working from home—
Thanks to Life for all those. Thanks for everything.
At the same time I made a series of mistakes to someone. Some things are misunderstood naturally. It’s gonna be ok. I hope Life forgives me and lets my journey be easier.
May all beings be happy. 💞
Where’s home, Beloved That gives warmth, food and laughter? Winter gets longer.
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Never was in mind that I would live in the time of Corona. Gabriel Garcia Marquez sounds relatable.
Salam….
Magic curtain’s down, Your shadow slowly’s away This heart sings to pray.
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He’s present when she closes eyes. But, Love, these eyes must see life to feel the real. Let all be pink and teary until the last petal falls with the last drop of dew at the corner of the eyes….
Sura dira jayaningrat, lebur dening pangastuti
This sentence is two lines of a verse written by a Javanese mystical poet Ranggawarsita, which is sung through Kinanthi—a Javanese rhymed-metered composition characteristically bringing in happiness, joy, compassion; giving advice and providing role models.
Word by word meaning
Many Javanese understand it in a context of “the evil power will be overpowered by good one”.
Not incorrect. Yet I humbly prefer a different shade of interpretation that is more suitable to my journey: “a dominating forceful masculine energy balanced and dissolved by loving surrendering feminine energy will proportionally develop personal empowerment”.
The interpretation can be a reminder for this careless persona to be centered now and then.
To be centered isn’t always to be seated on victory of getting all what’s wanted, not about proving true-false, not claiming who is in control (direct or indirect), not about whose perception-projection is right.
To be centered is about: knowing that what’s dominating should be dissolved and neutralised, that willingly letting go is equivalent to gracefully taking the blame of making own mistakes, realising that one’s self is dreaming sweet about someone but becoming a nightmare for that someone, about closing one’s own loop where one goes around the bush, getting clarity that all is one-on-one one-to-one one-for-one one-from-one one-at-one one-off-one never about any others.
Passing another field of confusion and guilt is such a gift for this person. No victory is needed, this is not a scored game. Travel lighter, my own Self.
May all beings be happy.
💞
Useful link of loro blonyo:
A friend is a door— Open to listen, close to Protect each other.
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God bless friendship on earth.
Heaven is open When words bear petals of rose. Blessings with no end—
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What is luxury? The rarely found, Beloved Regardless its price—
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Some find synonyms of luxury in caviar, Hermes, Lambo, penthouse, blahblahblah…. Not always
It’s my luxury today! 🥰
This night gets longer. More dreams linger in silence. Lid the bucket list.
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I pray to have enough time to be able to visit all places in my bucket list as 2020 and 2021’s trips are unchecked. If only dreaming is stoppable,
Thanks God I enjoy getting lost walking or biking that’s the best option in this cute island.
May all beings be happy.
🍀
It's almost your day You're the best gift for you. Yes, Unbox yourself now.
Are you bored of celebrating unboxing the best gift which is you for you? Hope not….
Almost given up: Milestones to reach the final. Language of dreams
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Japanese is almost as difficult as Arabic but I didn’t find hard time learning Arabic as the brain was much fresher with more time to focus on lessons by then. I almost gave up this Japanese lesson as I felt too slow. Until today mixing up between シ and ツ still happens again and again. Different forms of adjective and noun when tenses change still confuse me. The crazy kanji has also tortured me. Why did I even learn this language? 🤪 Drama! 🥰
But hey! I won’t stop until I can read and compose beautiful poems in Japanese. Too much a dream? Ok, I won’t stop until I can present the company’s Code of Conduct in Japanese! Making more sense! 😁
If the teacher isn’t this good, I might have given up earlier. The Sensei is such an expert of Japanese language and culture that she can make me understand why those Japanese I’ve met have behaved so strangely not as I expected Japanese I thought would be. 😝
Some people are just so “like that” regardless they are Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Singaporean or any other….. Life is so interesting, take it easy!
God bless all….
Flow, Beloved. Flow. Be a river whose stream knows Its gravity. Yours Is me? Making it flow back To where a home is. Within—
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A river is a river only when the stream is moving to a point of a pulling force. Don’t get stuck or blocked because that is when you lose your being as a river.
Find the tiniest gap and flow….
Urip iku sawang-sinawang is another Javanese wisdom that I’ve learnt. It simply means life is looking at each other, looking at something.
When feeling unfortunate, many will see others as luckier than them. Comparison is an immediate expression to show their frustration. Why are those people getting that but I’m not? Why does life give the blessings to them but not to me? Why are they married but I’m not? Why do they have good jobs but I don’t? Blahblahblah!
Let’s call them “these angry children”. When these angry children happen to consult to Javanese elderly, they will softly say “Ngger, urip kuwi mung sawang-sinawang….”
“Ngger” is equivalent with “My child”.
Many can only see what they are exposed to. Others have better job while these angry children don’t; and that makes these children angrier. They think that having particular jobs will make those people happier.
People are married and being married is considered happier and that makes these angry children sad or even angrier.
People travel to many places and these angry children think they are luckier; and that makes these children envy.
Some colleagues are able to deliver the speech better than these angry children and they think the colleagues perform better; and that makes these angry children feel as worst employees.
Are all those truly as these angry children think? No. Or at least not always. Or let’s say not exactly like what you expect. Or maybe not at all!
They have good jobs but they might have a lot of pressure or feel less appreciated. Whereas having (what you consider) less fortunate jobs is blessings for becoming less risky against integrity issues and less pressure.
They are married and these angry children never know what kind of spouse those people have. These children should be thankful for not being in a marriage this time and see that those married people are struggling financially or romantically or sexually or spiritually or socially or all…. Whereas the unmarried are free to be their own selves and getting more training from Life to be better and readier human beings.
People travel to many different countries while these angry children can only jump out to other districts in their province. These angry children think that makes those people better human beings. Yes, they have more photo albums and memories of what they have seen and more information; but they don’t automatically become wiser than whoever mostly stay home but are able to process the life experiences into true wisdom to address this humble life.
And colleagues speaking more sophisticatedly? Bloody hell! Those who talk talk, but not always walk the talk. What’s more important is how what aren’t even spoken or talked have helped people around them.
So, life is only how we are looking at each other, looking at something. We can look at them and get offended. We can look at them and digest what we see into a wisdom to be better living being without judging ourselves of being bad or unlucky.
That’s a simple Javanese philosophy that might be also taught in other cultures.
Accept who we are and process our own facts to mould the shape of love in us. Others are not always our mirror, they might be magnifying glass.
In fact, all of us deserve to be these angry children while growing to be the wise.
Thanks for the simple chats with some good friends and my own self.
Flower is blooming In a dry valley. No grudge— Just beauty and life
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Flower is everywhere as beauty is. Find it in you.
You look perfect, Love Mechanically living. I can’t reach you, Love. You’re deadly cold snow— heartless Pushing me farther away.
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Some work of art is precisely designed, formulated and worked by robot. Accuracy, precision, flawless
Some is beautifully designed, measured and worked by living artist whose movement is built through heart and soul. Relatively beautiful with direct human touch
Each prefers one with some price
Some human beings are so mechanical, they don’t know how to respond others humanely. They simply see things through a flow chart. Hope that this group extinct soon.
May all beings be happy.
Beyond layered skies Is beauty unknown, my Love I’ll never give up.
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This I wishes happiness to that you across the ocean although the you never knows….
These two sisters are best friends. True friendship is precious and beautiful: relaxing, joking and teasing around, no prejudice, no pretension, agreement, disagreement, entertaining, no gaslighting, at the same time enlightening.
They talked about regret to let go, connection among all things, the death, relationship with parents and siblings, misunderstood religiosity, God’s love, being stupid, making mistakes and so on and so forth.
God bless these two sisters and true friendship on earth.
When you reach the shore, Let the sand pull you into Everlasting pores, Put life to start once again. Life stories of wave and wind
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How will you be back to shore after being brought back to sea….
….every second, minute, hour, day, week, month, birthday, death, life….
….Repeatedly?
What’s stronger than bull? Women who cook—food or words— How would you react?
In old days when technology was as simple as small tools to replace bare hands and feet, women cooked spending longer time and more energy. Trust me it is true.
A Javanese traditional food called “gethuk pisang” is made through some steps in which of of them is pounding the banana and cassava. Instead of using a food processor, this person decided to use hands.
Strong men cook, too? I bet they do. But strong man is claimed normal, am I right? 😂
Enjoy….
Ripple can disturb A placid lake. Tidal wave Won’t change a rough sea.
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I’m a small lake, whereas you’re the wide sea. Dear, with the roughness you can’t feel the softest heart. Too bad….
May all beings be happy.
You’re a paradox. Close but distant; tangibly Impalpable sphere—
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I know you’re around. I just know. I trust you, Beloved. You smell like mid spring, sound like jazz, taste like sugar cane, feel like breeze, but not sure look like what….
May all beings be happy.
Is it love or pride To push through? Fortunately Engineerable—
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Some choose love over pride, some pride over love. No one can truly win over either because love and pride can be carved on to two faces of a coin. Ones need to toss the coin and get any appearance of one face not by luck. It is well designed, constructed and furnished.
How?
Culturally obviously….
True, Love. As long as you are being human, you can never absolutely win over one over another (the other?). It’s about how you grow through all dimensions in which you are: physically, mentally, spiritually, socially, economically, politically.
Accept it.
May all beings be happy.
Mount Bromo, where sun cheerfully rises
What is after this? What shall we be transformed, Love? Trust me, Beloved.
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Trust is my key. It is with what I address what I can’t see behind the curtains. Be it good or bad, the journey is ahead. God bless each breath I take and the air I release….
May all beings be happy.
Cold weary corner Keeps things alive. It’s a choice To put some colours.
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Often time one puts everything in one place and let the other space vacant because it is easier to get whatever within reach. It is good, yet sometimes one should follow the heart to reach out those beyond spatiality.
Re-arrange and better manage one’s self.
Where are you now, Love? Home is around the corner. Turn right and be there.
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One of good friends sent her work of art, compiling her memories of Sulawesi trips into a sweet calling-home clip.
Thank you, Mbak Adek for reminding me that I’ve got home, a beautiful one. A beautiful home is a heaven on earth and in heart.
Home is where heaven is. Good friends make you realise that it’s real!
Salaam.
This video was produced by Adek Azhar. She is a cat lover, a happy mother and grandmother, a good friend, a crazy traveler, a senior journalist as best description of her. Can’t wait to travel with her after pandemic in our small group of awkward travelers! 💞
Colours adorn day— Connect it to a mood which Is the token. Not?
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Flowers can give positive vibes in the room and even in the house. Working from home takes more effort to stay vibrant as for at least 8 hours some employees won’t be in “real contact” with other human beings; online platform can’t fully accommodate the actual need of interaction among human beings.
One of my colleagues in China who has the same interest in flower with me sometimes sends pictures of her today’s flower display. Last week she sent white peony. She knows I really really really want to have peony, which isn’t available in Singapore.
To some ladies flower is a medicine, curing some disturbed moods.
May all beings be happy.
Down the hill she walks, A meadow where the breeze blows. Steps for a journey—
Can leaf be not green, Beloved? As you wish, Love, I’ll send you Autumn. Don’t send Autumn, Beloved, You’ll break the Law of Tropic.
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rike jokanan 
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