Live once, no regret,
Said banana trees. They die
After giving fruits.
ββββββββββββββββββ



graphs of my Universe
Live once, no regret,
Said banana trees. They die
After giving fruits.
ββββββββββββββββββ



Listen, Beloved,
To Wind, Earth, Water, and Fire.
Metal does clank, too.
βββββββββββββββββββ-
A set of data is powerful only when the owner knows how to use it; it is equivalent to the ability of questioning leads to better result than ability of answering.
A good start is by collecting from different points. The more data points, the more valid and accurate answers will come up. One point will be misleading.
Salaaamβ¦.
Treasureβs treasured, why
In tombs guarded by legends?
Itβs secretβs secrets.
ββββββββββββββββββ-/
Iβve often thought that people living in this society is either living right at the bars or above the bars. Itβs either we force ourselves to enjoy comfort that gives us uncomfortable consequences OR we comfortably enjoy whatever we have for comfort with just-right consequences. Today I learnt that there might be some super rich living in an area which βnormalβ millionaires here wonβt even think as a good place to live. I read a news about a millionaire who in fact lives under their own bar with his family. Extraordinary!
So?
Ah! Life is just like that! There are choices to make and people make choices which (they think) they deserve.
Nothing is more liberating knowing that life still offers me wonderful news. It has proven me that life can be NOT-WYSIWYG. I would not imagine someone mistook my car as a grab car, while I were a super duper rich girl waiting for my friends to get on my Honda Vezel. π
Weekend, weekend! Happy weekend!
Aging, Beloved,
Counting blessings everydayβ
Feeling challenging?
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
Sometimes a challenge or deadline is needed like fertiliser sprinkled on to the soil to trigger more chemical, biological, physical reactions from the root dancing in the ground to go deeper and healthier so that the tree grows even stronger and taller.
ι εΌ΅γγΎγγγοΌ

A dream, Beloved,
Is roots absorbing nutrient
In any seasons.
βββββββββββββββββββ-
Teak wood tree will shake all her leaves to fall off in dry season and look like standing death log in order to save her energy in managing her metabolism. It happens until the first rain pours down again. Young leaves will come out. The forest will come alive again. Annually!
Thatβs what I learn from my childhood living in a district where teak wood forest was rich and well protected.
If I were a tree, I would dance and sing in its root in the spring, summer and autumn before dozing off in the winter.
Thatβs what I learn about having dreams in life.
Thank you! for everything
π₯°
Iβm in, Beloved,
Heart and soul. Give me some time,
I might be behind.
βββββββββββββββ-βββββ
Life journey is a bus full of passengers. They are free to choose how to enjoy the ride except to disturb the driver. Some read books. Some sleep. Some look out day dreaming. Some enjoy the running-backwards scenery. Some talk to other passengers. Some try to seduce sexy passengers. Some take chances to steal sleeping peopleβs valuable belongings. Some complain why it takes so long to reach the destination. Some just look around confused or amazed or stupid or blank. Some do. Some do other things. Some donβt. Many, many and many things are happening in one packed stuffy place, misunderstood as the only whole life.
Which are you, Beloved?
Ah! A decision was made! Iβm not in that bus. I got off earlier and am now riding my scooter! I might be left behind but I made a change inside of me! π€
Salaamβ¦.

Balance, Beloved
Not about same measurementβ
Itβs the harmony.
βββββββββββββββββββ
Letβs be fair, dear Self. Are you 1 kg of feathers or 1 kg of gold?
Letβs be honest. Do you prefer 2-week laundry to wash or 2-week laundry to iron?
Challenging choices to be aligned with immediate happiness
π€ΉπΌββοΈ
Blβdy heββ£οΈ

The taste, Beloved,
Touches life in every point.
No excuse for herβ
ββββββββββββββββββββ
Sometimes life is about experiencing spiciness level, low to high level. Sweet is hiding for a while, it will come another day.
Thatβs some of my conversation with my Sensei in todayβs Japanese class.
Hell yeah! β‘οΈ

In love, Beloved,
With life witnessed by flowers
That bloom in my heart.
βββββββββββββββββββ
I love but also donβt love myself.


Weakness, Beloved
A bamboo bent by the wind,
No crack found. Intactβ
ββββββββββββββββββ-
They call it weak, bamboo just sways beautifully. They call it havoc, bamboo just jerks along the storm rigorously.
Bamboo stays strong with its hollow and light life.
Salaam. π
Is there sacrifice?
Earth lovingly hugs our waste,
Giving all her love.
Committed, sacrifice notβ
Yet Mars looks better? Damn you!
ββββββββββββββββββββ
I salute those who are ready to migrate to Mars yet curse them for destroying dear Mother Earth through mining and exploiting her to build spacecraft to join the god of war.
Allegedly-visionary people dream of living forever while destroying where they live. Allegedly-ordinary people take care of where they live and be considered underdeveloped.
To Mother Earth, so much love to and for you. Please forgive your children.
ππ
Know not, Beloved
This path about to end when
And where. I trust you.
ββββββββββββββββββ-
Trust is what sheβs been holding tight because without it sheβs lost the grip against so much magnetic force around that will pull her into a gaping hole, where greediness can consume anyone till no end.
Thanks, Beloved, for giving me a life thatβs imperfect but perfectly humbling me in many ways.
I trust You; voluntarily or forcefully.
π
Her life, Beloved,
Perfectly-directed film
Ready for Oscarsβ
ββββββββββββββββ
She sometimes forgets that life is a performed script in which she is casted to act out a given role the best she can. She should follow the directorβs direction and directive.
What about spectators? She should ignore spectators. Spectators are stars whose job is to see and comment on the film. And they pay for what they see and comment. The payment goes to the stars!
So, dear Star. Fix your moves. Better your expression. Tag your ears with the melody. Live in harmony, with your own self like Javanese Bedhaya performers who are meditatively drowned in the sacred composition.
Oscars are waiting.β¦
β¦. Only if you play all out!
Heart and soul dancing through body π
Alhamdulillah π»

A wreath, Beloved,
A circle packed with beauty,
Arranged true coloursβ
ββββββββββββββββββ-
Dear Self,
When youβre bored, splash some paints! When youβre angry, splash some paints! When you feel happy, splash some paints! When you feel funny, splash some paints! When you get offended, splash some paints!
As honest as you to you when youβre alone, your colours speak the truth.
Yours truly,
Your own self π

Loveβs yellow on green,
Sprinkling ripeness on freshness.
Pack your smile for me.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
πππ

River, Beloved,
Flows. Let things go with the flow
From, in, through, to you.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
Feel the flow: calm, swift, pushing, breaking, splashing, swirling, stuck, moving. No matter what, flow.


Seed deeply buried,
Grown finding the sun slowlyβ
It is about time.
ββββββββββββββββββ
Good life was once tiny little secret longing for forgiveness and blessings.
I accept my history, present and future.
May all beings be happy. π

A home, Beloved
Not an outlookβ itβs the soul
That hugs when inside.
βββββββββββββββββββββ-
I bought my first property at 34, a bit late from the original plan simply because I was broke. It was a small house in Greater Jakarta, that is now called βRumah Bobβ (literally Bobβs home) named after my cat Bob.
It is one tiny house in a small cluster, uniformly designed with minimum freedom to show βmeβ β the owner can only have it painted different colours, install different window sills, plant different flowers and design different garden, add different carport, or maybe buy different cars.
That has motivated me to have a home that reflects βthe me that I want to presentβ. None of the houses offered to me by brokers or friends hit my core although some were into my tasteβ of course some were simply too pricy. π© I rejected all offers.
Apology – Some people (who helped search property for me) thought I was too much because for some of them a house is simply a place to live in comfort, while Iβve always dreamt to live in a home where I can express the true me and help my guests understand their true selves by visiting the home. A few of them sarcastically said I shouldnβt have searched through them if I didnβt have enough money β ohhhhhh some bloody stings!!! π Yet I did apologise to them for being so difficult.
I decided to buy a small plot of land in a greenery in Yogyakarta (my fatherβs home town) and build a home from scratch.
Architect – Itβs very important to choose the right architect. Not necessarily the most prominent as to me integrity and friendship is the most important thing – luckily my best friend recommended her student to work on my dream. Working with an architect who was artist had blessed me. She understood what was wanted by her clients but she never got satisfied even when the clients said the final draft was excellent. She would get back to me saying βMbak, I think I find which part should be optimised. Iβll get back to you with a new draft.β Thanks to Mbak Novi.
The Core – My home will never impress random onlookers from the outlook or those who think a good house is a luxurious building; they will simply think itβs a humble abode clean and fresh. It will only impress its guests, family and friends who truly relate with me as human beings with different kinds of engagements or those who know how to appreciate humanity and ordinary.
I wish to be granted health and prosperity to live long enough to enjoy being a sincere host in my true home to those who love life.
A dream come true! Alhamdulillah.
May all beings be happy. π

Be smile, Beloved,
A curve where warmth is contained.
Emoticon notβ
ββββββββββββββββββββ
Smiling is an activity which will be a habit and the skin of the owner if well trained. And so it can disappear when not practiced anymore.
Smile and smile and smile then sheβll be the smile itself. Smiling is watermelon juice! Sweet and fresh!
Happy weekend! Skip laundry! Donβt care about the mountain of ready-to-wash. Just smile!
Salaamβ¦.

After the moon? No.
The sun is where this heart walks
With rain that visits.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
Chasing whatβs not clear and uncertain was an exciting thing for the hot-blooded. Dark, shadowy picture of what she once imagined has started fading away. The moonβs shift is over.
Walking in this forest, the leaves has rekindled her faith that rain is paying a short visit. When the rain stops, she will again realise that her heart is always enveloped in the warmth of clarity.
Sunbeam always opens a new chapter in which sunshine will take over whatβs mysterious and frightening. Light will help her eyes see things the way they are, no assumption, no prejudice. It is what it is.
When she reaches the edge of the forest, she will step on a meadow where the moon is again sending shadow but this time there is no mystery anymore.
All is clear. All is well. What it takes is just counting the milestones and blessing all that are sensed.
May all beings be happy.

A she, Beloved,
Is far and near, clear and blur,
But not true or false.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
Some people describe something so beautifully that others feel found and blessed. Those people are called the wise.
Weekend is rich with memes and kitchen; a bit chaotic with laundry and rain. Like a she she is! π€©










All memes: from Pinterest
Walk life on colours.
Downβs green. Upβs blue. Insideβs clear.
Hereβs some red for fun.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
It depends on what she mixes on the pallets. Any hues will appear as she wishes.
She keeps working on a canvas because it is hers. Her parts of body work in harmony to draw a picture of her complete cycle of life.
Sheβs covered at least half of her journey so she wonβt turn back. Besides, the sign doesnβt allow her to.
Weekend, weekend. π

Comic, Beloved,
Life through senses. Through head, stormsβ
Through soul, a great giftβ
βββββββββββββββββββββ-
βm wishing the borders re-open soon so I can travel to meet my family and friends then have some chat with them while throwing sour jokes without emoticon or disturbed internet connection.
βm wishing the borders re-open soon so I can travel to see my base home starting her life.
βm wishing Iβm as fine as now if the borders donβt re-open soon. π
Borders re-opening means no quarantine applied π 10-day in a closed room -how much ever it is comfy- is truly a must-not-happen-experience-in-life thing!
Blissful, Beloved,
Joyful, gleefulβ life should be.
Save the right window.
ββββββββββββββββββββ-
βm praying that Iβll be saved from any danger and threats from any creature. Amenβ¦
Nagasari or Nogosari is rice cake filled with ripe banana, one βsnackβ included in Javanese praying ceremony. This food symbolises prayer to God for safety and security from any danger and threats from any creature; and so a Javaneseβs life can be blissful, joyful and gleeful.
Always sit next to the right window, dear Self. π


Garden, Beloved,
Fertilized with poisons? Dead!
Cinder rose goes off.
βββββββββββββββββββ
A group call with my brother and sister in law is mostly either stupid or crazy. Once we talked about the old time passing and our addiction.
How someone gets addicted to something is mostly started from a physical or mental exit of painβ either clinically prescribed or personally decidedβ followed by excessive dependency on the substances or the activities.
Iβve seen how people addicted to medicine (I was to pain killer), drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc have changed from beautiful human beings into ugly persons either physically or mentally. Itβs how awful co-dependency shapes someoneβs life. Moreover, there is no addiction in any history that brings true happiness or freedom.
Three of us then discussed about someone who was addicted to something unusual: spiritual drills. Having all resources, the person went shopping on various classes and workshops about spirituality and self help such as meditation, mindfulness, tapping therapy, money magnet and how to optimise it spiritually, how to activate chakra, yoga and blahblahblah, gemstones and their spiritual power, mandala and spiritual awakening, how spiritual life pull financial abundance, spiritual traveling around many places, etc. One had been in oneβs 60th class last time we met. One would be able to answer all questions in any possible ways. I called one βMr/Ms Know Allβ, a euphemistic nick name that might be loved by those addicted to power and authority. Some friends called this person βMr/Ms Spiritual Junkyβ.
What I remember about this person is that no one around was genuinely appreciated, everyone was just a βwho-are-you-you-think-youβre-better-than-meβ. One called most of oneβs friends βcantrikβ, a Javanese word that literally means follower/helper and would never be up to oneβs level (one called oneβs self healer and universe map reader).
How ironic! From someone who were full of compassion to someone who were full of envy and insecurityβ
I think many if not all people to some extent were once addict who learned the lessons and changed the patterns to be free from co-dependency. My brother was a heavy smoker, been stopping for around 3 years. My sister in law was a Korean drama freak and quit. I myself was addicted to those I fell for and heavily overthinking.
βI almost got addicted to someone again.β
βLet go! Let go! Let go!β said they to me like cheerleaders.
Definitely! Itβs a waste to wait for emotionally unavailable people to care that I care about them. Iβm ok to get soaked in love and compassion but not in addiction to people. π
Addiction, oh addiction.
Alfatihah to all of those who are addicted to anything in any situation. Be healed and blessed.


Was madly in love,
Still amβ¦. Realm is the limit.
β¦. With you, Belovedβ
βββββββββββββββββββββ
Where is the end of love journey? Either hopelessness or time π
Alfatihah π

Murky, Beloved,
That poolβs full of mud and smell.
Enough to kill fishβ
βββββββββββββββββββββ
There is a proverb in Indonesian βada udang di balik batuβ literally βthere are shrimps behind the rocksβ that means there is a hidden (fishy) agenda.
Iβve received some invites from βunclearβ people in Instagram, most are men that I believe scammers trying to lure a victim whatever they are aiming at from me; maybe as simple as attention or most probably money. And how did I feel? Disturbed? Not at all. Scammers are equivalent with friends with hidden (fishy) agendaβ they are sources of entertainment either directly connected or just ignored.
God bless you all scammers. Youβll find a way to get a big money with your work, plus the logical consequences but not from me.
May all beings be happy.


Once upon a time:
A phrase introduced early,
Permanently stayedβ
βββββββββββββββββββββ-
When I was a child, adult people around me would tell kinds of stories especially under the full moon, and they always started the tales with once upon a time.
Although knowing that the tales were fictional, we children would still believe that those characters lived at the same time with us, it was just a distance apart, and that the lessons ought to be seriously taken by usβ the naive little human beings. We have grown where making mistakes (formulated by moral values) is a shame, we were afraid of becoming those antagonist with unhappy endings in the stories told to us.
Storytelling is powerful indeed. How would I believe that behaving to parents without saying no is paramount in a human beingβs life if it was not because of βMalinkundangβ tale.
It took me years and years to understand that being well behave can be by saying no to anyone possible; and it was also because of listening to βMalinkundangβ from different point of view.
It is at the end the sovereignty that frees human beings from their own toxicity. And it all starts with free questioning and responsible reasoning.
Wisdom isnβt about saying yes or no, itβs about saying yes or no in an appropriate way with respect to self and others.
Hey! I canβt say no to being vegetarian until I run errands and feed my fridge. π

No cane, root can be.
Woodsβre a case where foodβs stored
Use your axe and fire.
βββββββββββββββββββββ
My fridge had not much for me to cook. There was only green here and there. Alamak! What to do?
Limitation is where creativity waits to be picked. Letβs do the experiment. Just donβt burn the kitchen.
Ahhhh! My roasted potato and pumpkin soup turned to be exactly the same as those served in 5-star restaurant. Really? Might not be butβ¦. Sorry, my tongue comments what my tongue tastes. π
Alhamdulillah. May all beings be happy.


Swear me, Beloved,
Taste the life as a package.
Or else you donβt live.
βββββββββββββββββββ-
High blood pressure is my best friend who always visits me after lamb party. It knocks on the door and slips into the bedroom then dances, swirling like a dervish. π΅
Lamb is good and gives me a beautiful headache! A complete package to sleep soundly.
π
Alhamdulillahβ¦.

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