About A Magic

This love, Beloved,
Blooms to shine within and out.
Don't discriminate.

how deed is your love?

I love. Yes I do love….

…. but very rarely romantically up to this age (4 times).

Among the rare romantic love, what was the most magical?

It was when I fell in love with a (maybe) gay man.

Don’t judge me; I didn’t know he was a gay. Don’t judge him; it was his choice.

Love is love. It is still worth appreciating. I respect everyone’s choice of life including one’s sexual orientation & gender identity (some of my friends & colleagues are in that group) but I am not a person to be in a romantic relationship with LGBTQ no matter what.

Thank you, Love for the experience. I’m lucky to have a big heart. I believe my heart is even now deeper and more spacious with the magic that has happened to me.

Alhamdulillah.

😊

❣️

Journey

Journey, Beloved,
To the line where I started,
Timed with acceptance--

some people think when an effort doesn’t result in what is targetted, it means a loss — to me it is not a loss, it is a lesson learnt not to do better to win but to know how to let go more immediately, gracefully with less pain

no, not all can do that earlier — some people are just loving to compete against anyone in their journey not knowing it is a silent journey, they think any lane with others present is called a race

no, not all can do that earlier — some people think they are much more superior that can consider themselves excel in everything not knowing that they silently are left behind by many authentically much better in most aspects of life

”m sure everyone will be able to do it when the time is coming

it doesn’t matter, we’re all children of life

☺️

Note: negating, denying, ignoring: patterns that slow down maturity process

Peace, Joy

Peace and joy, my love,
Cheerfully dances with smiles
Or dives to the deep.

my dolphin earrings today reminded me that life should be experienced with some taste of peace and joy

Wisdom

Wisdom, Beloved
Mothers who are born the last
By daughters called life.

a book from Periplus Plaza Indonesia – good to read during a massage with Mbak Idah

Jakarta has given me a short delay from a fast-paced life.

❣️

About Believing (ranting)

Doubt and trust, my love,
Between which I wait for you
To sing a love song.

While knowing makes me clearly decide what to do, believing keeps me walking even when it’s pitch black or blinding bright.

Believing is not about taking something with evidences. Believing is taking things for granted as there is no choice while I should keep on. As long as evidence is not yet well presented, it’s believing, not knowing.

What do I believe most in life? That there is only one able to help me, the one I often call beloved, my love, dear love, you. Yet I’m shaken now & then by what’s called doubt. Doubt moves the graphic of trust up & down which is normal as said by a master “the faith is up & down”.

In uncertainty, do I still believe of salvation? Yes, I believe in salvation as I don’t know if it is happening or not. At the same time I make space for doubt so I’m humanely questioning myself whether I’m doing well in clarifying the ways. There’s something I miss when in doubt & the space in which I miss always gives me hope, a feel of falling in love with something that I believe will drop wisdom to the heart.

How beautiful the collaboration of belief & doubt is! It ignites love. Love is an eternal flame that sparkles dancing depending on how trust & doubt tango. Without the existence of both, love will look like a marble slab: cold, hard, mute; while a flame: warm, soft, dynamic.

I know in order to keep love & wisdom rekindling as long as I live, I’ve got to believe in the one I often call beloved, my love, dear love or you that sometimes resides so deep in Him or Me.

What a rant!

at that age (below 30) I believed that all were good with lil doubt and as a result I was cheated, lied to but at the same time I gained kindness, endurance and silence

now? kindness, carefree, clarity as these 3 are most needed to live a human being’s life lightly and genuinely

my formula, not applied to all

keep believing that love prevails

😊

Eyes Closed

Eyes closed, Beloved
Blind her for love far away.
Tell her to go home.

today I’m called to go back home to my own heart full of love — love is blind taking me too far away from where I should be

I always think love is beautiful even when it’s so preoccupied with one object so alien for me, that way love lovingly and softly wakes me up after some time “Rike, time to go home, this might be someone else’s place, not yours”

with unsteady steps I had to accept that all the info is confirmed that I need to go home

to where I should be:

my dear heart full of love singing truly about who I am and who will be my home outside my own home

let me take care of this loving heart and calmly step on the love path, truly, genuinely, naturally….

keep singing love, dear self; there is nothing more beautiful than being natural, genuine, kind and true

keep loving

keep loving

keep loving

Heart

This heart, Beloved
Lives a limited timeline.
It can't wait too long.

I believe you can guess which one is today’s star: “sambel goreng kentang hati sapi” 💕

deep frying the Brastagi potato

heart that gives a kick!

the hardest work today after work

in Singapore it’s called “Indonesia potato”, in Indonesia we call in “Brastagi potato” aka “kentang Brastagi”; it won’t break when deep fried not like other types of Australian and American ones

Love

This love, Beloved,
Is a pack of hope and fear
Sailing in the heart.

loving you is like playing swing: fun of my hope and fear, nervous of your anger and confidence

I’ve felt gaslighted but then you said you’re gaslighted; maybe I don’t know my value…. But I think it’s because you don’t care about anything

🙏🏼

4 Elements In Me

I'm water, my love
Living with the soil and air
Burnt by this blue fire.

To me clarity is more important than belief. With belief I might grab in the dark, to some level of darkness I might be frantically euphoric or falling into abyss of confusion. With clarity I can appropriately choose what I need to do & when further blessed, to do it appropriately.

Clarity is gained through many ways, as many as the heart in life. I myself like to think I clarify myself about myself based on how 4 nature elements (water, air, soil & fire) purify themselves.

There are few ways to gain clarity/purity in each but I’d like to talk about one for each.

Water naturally flows to clean itself; flowing to filter what’s in through its movement against all odds (stones, holes, debris, etc). By filtering for clarity it means I need to pass by at the same time to let go a lot of things in life to be clear (& clean). Like river, I receive materials from various sources that possibly contain unnecessary or unfavourable matters & I need to choose which to stay & which to get rid of. Flowing is leaving some behind & taking necessary some ahead. I’ve let go a lot of memories & people.

Air circulates what’s in. By circulating for clarity it means I should not stop sharing. The more I share (material, knowledge, vibes, etc), the more I find clarity in life. Like air, this person needs to vent, too. I tell stories, write, rant, talk, argue, discuss to verify information accuracy.

Soil decomposes what’s in. It breaks things into minuscule or even atomic pieces & blend all in one environment. Like soil, I don’t mind dealing with rotten and/or damaged things (ideas, gossips, accusation, prejudice, etc). Sometimes I swallow the worst leftover. Rubbish can turn to gold! Is it possible artist here? (Not the artist in Bahasa Indonesia’s artis, it is the seniman)

Fire heats to purify itself. Like blue fire I sometimes feel of having the most life energy (oxygen) & the motivation (high temperature). I clarify by motivating myself & others. I often don’t need external voice to motivate myself. I can be rather stubborn against change: sometimes only my will can change my ways. Learning from own mistakes is good: getting burnt 😁

Clarification leaves waste (emotions) so I need to deal with it by treating them well.

Note: 

  • I’m more water than fire. I’m more soil than than air. I’m more air than fire. I’m more water than soil. 😊
  • This idea is original but murky; might not work for you. Find your own way to be clear about yourself.

Life Is Just Like That

Life is just like that.
It is round, square, triangle
Seen from three angles.

Life is just like that.
Like what?
Like what I’ve never thought but I can handle it by letting go.
I thank Gusti Allah for making me a human being so I can experience being human who lives as an ordinary person, maybe less than ordinary 🤐

It is everyday lessons come and go. Some challenging, some lighter. Some are leveled up or completed, in fact some are repeated. Repetition of lessons means that a human being fails to accept what is favourable to now here and to let go of what is not favourable for the soiritual journey to achieve clarity about being human. I’m one of this that’s why I learn from all of you. ☺️

As much as I want no repetition of mistakes though I will accept life as it is, still with kindness. Kindness to whom? To myself and to others although being kind to myself might be a delayed kindness to others — it doesn’t matter, it is just about time or perception.

Photo: Yes, I will always be seen half or less than half by those who see themselves partially: either good or evil, not even a sweet arrangement of those two.

Life is just like that. ☺️

Loved Love (ranting)

Love loves, Beloved
Love loved by a loved lover
To be beloved.

Some of my friends have very strong concern about my love life and so they “take care of it” very seriously. They often check if I go dating, sign up the online dating apps, met anyone in the biz trips, if this, or that.

Normally all answers make them annoyed or laugh as I usually respond to them in light ways. Anything not giving me positive impacts or real things should not be part of a weighed consideration to deeply converse. Let go….

Recently life has given me various brain teasers in past weeks: so much forgetting daily personal things (collecting skincare, collecting my Dyson after repaired, lunch bag, ID badge, etc) and…. (drum rolls) friends checking my love life so often by tagging me in instastory that I mostly ignored, WhatsApping me with love-love questions, direct messaging me in Instagram about love-love things, and so on.

“Are you dating? You seem so radiant. I know your romantic words are for someone not for your Beloved. Tell me.” Said one of them.

Woohoo! Will never tell…. 🤪 None of anyone in the world should know whom I love until it is certain whom I will share life with. They can know I am in love and that’s it. If nothing happens, then it is a secret for the rest of this life. Age has taught me how to deal with safety, security, confidentiality and integrity.

One more friend tagged me in an instastory as if telling me to open my heart and blahblahblah….

Friends make my life fun! I love them with all my heart because I know they just want me to be happy.

Ahhh! I just want to sleep well welcoming Chinese New Year holiday.

She’s Reading

She's reading the books
Lining up in a long rack.
Scratching head and nose--

a corner that i like seeing but almost never pick the books from there – most of the books seem good but i prefer browsing around and picking those clicking with me

today i picked some to start my 2025’s reading challenge in goodreads.com

my Japanese is not getting better but reading about Japanese culture is still interesting to me

i followed the writer in Instagram two days ago and really want to see what his books are like

illustrated book is always interesting to me

am i into stoicism? not really but i see the book cover and pages are all glossy and that’s enough reason to read it

small and against the mainstream – read!

Excitement

Long road to travel
Seeing trees walking swiftly
River flowing, too--

Chinese New Year is coming soon. It is the most celebrated day in Singapore aside from National Day so many people will take a leave to celebbrate it with family, friends or to find getaway overseas. Many companies give extra days off to employees so they can take longer break in the year. My company is not exception. And so I take this opportunity to visit my 1st home country, Indonesia!

I will be in Jakarta for a few days to meet with some good friends and to check my little home that was now hostless since my good friend moved out after her marriage with a foreigner who brought her out. Another good friend is now monitoring my home once a week to check if stray cats need some food, plants need some trimming and sure the house itself need some fixing and security measure. Thank you, dear friends. 💕

From Jakarta I will continue to Yogyakarta, my home will be for retirement (damn…. my colleagues and friends keep teasing me “like you will retire soon, work, work, save money then retire at 60”. 😁

My original plan is taking train from Gambir Train Station to Yogyakarta Train Station. But then another good friend, a Jakartan, offered a ride. “Rike, I will drive from Jakarta to Jogja. Want a ride?”

Voila!

It’s gonna be my first land trip after years from Jakarta to Jogja; years ago when my brother was still working in Jakarta, he and his family gave me a ride from Jakarta to East Java until we all preferred train that was less tiring.

The offer “want a ride” was brilliant that the answer was yes with no second thought. It became even more brilliant that I wouldn’t have to drive (not a good driver I am)! Whoa! Excitement rose!

I trust this friend who has been in many land trip both car and bike around the archipelago both alone and in group. A super traveler indeed!

Friends in the whatsapp group cheered us up. Excitement rose higher!

See you, Jakarta! Then Yogyakarta!

Safe and safe!

can’t wait 😍 Jakarta to Yogyakarta with Mbak Adek 🙏🏼

About Aging

The world keeps spinning.
The body ages with time.
Trip in alignment--

Don’t be afraid of becoming old. Aging is truly a blessing.

With the gray hair I feel wisdom befriends with me. Still I have freedom to dye it to look radiant.

With the wrinkle on the skin I find kindness and understanding unfolds. Yet it is not wrong to put skincare to look healthy and fresh.

With weaker eyes I find my mind is sharper evaluating my self and environment. I can still wear reading spectacles to keep reading to refresh brain.

With less hydrated joints and less dense bones I move more slowly cum gracefully. There is no harm though to do sports regularly.

With fewer friends I still get good updates accurately about how the world spins and enjoy true relationship with little to no condition.

Eventually aging is about knowing that soul will release the physical body when they body is ultimately deteriorated, when time is up. I just need to ensure that this body knows she is never alone or lonely in the separation process.

Celebrate life!

see you next month, Hanoi

Doubted

This heart's umbrella.
Doubted, she's up to protect
And to let all go.

once i was doubted and so i let all go — it is humiliated to be distrusted while the heart is true

About A Year

About a year, Love
Where you're present and again
Giving me all joy-

2024 was such a year! Thanks much for the one year teaching me again to warmly love sincerely with little to no condition: unclear hints that broke my heart. Life is not always about glory; it’s also losing to win lessons.

2024 was about sudden trips & data as professional breakfast & lunch. I see how fast I process biased opinions & immediately detour to the right path! Such a training by & for brain muscles!

2025 is about continuing my spiritual journey with the same foundation: singularity, uniqueness & humanity;

also about doing my life work with dedication & expertise;

sweet friendship with those that respect and love each other as best friend;

about enjoying long weekends in Korine Jati soon & enjoying longer holiday somewhere else;

about keeping sharing the blessings with those around me verbally, materially, intelectually & spiritually in moderation;

& knowing & loving myself again, again, again….

…. all genuinely & with light heart.

Welcome, 2025. I already feel your sweetness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2025

dear, monkey mind

i don’t regret but it was the most painful moment in 2024 and thankfully i was helped by my life work

i love my messy hair that gets happy with breeze caressing it and my eyes that tell even when my mouth shuts

2024, thank you for bringing Banksy’s works of art to Scotts Road