graphs of my Universe
Start the day, my love
With bright eyes and dancing tongue.
A day to excite--
a bowl of “pempek from Palembang & “sambal ijo” from Padang with a piece of boiled duck leg starting my day
time to clean the house & packing for tomorrow’s exciting trip š
A gift, Beloved
Breeze bringing a good fragrance
Keeping me with you.
I bought a box of gift for myself – perfume š
patchouli is one of my favourite fragrances, it is mostly harvested in Indonesia — there’s a documentary about how patchouli farmers are ‘exploited” for perfume industry
I’m cruelly aware that my liking to scent is making me part of the exploitation. What should I do?
….thinking in awareness & with compassion
If I’m to be a somewhere,
I’d love to be a flower garden
Where butterflies walk their life cycles;
A river bank
Where dragonflies daydream on the grass tips;
A pond
Where frogs get sleepy on the water lily pads;
A forest edge
Where fireflies breathe peacefully;
A meadow
Where silence and crowd collide;
A space
Where you only live to love.
It's locked, Beloved.
Hiding from those not wanted,
Enjoying close doors.
I put my Instagram account back to private from being public. I am not a public figure and not selling anything so why should it be in public mode?
Actually when being public, the account started getting random people following me (although I removed them right away). Not those I wish to follow me š
WordPress is still the best platform where I can rant about the public policy and service in my country without being questioned “why are you talking about thing you don’t know?” and whisper about my silent journey within.
Needing some time to stay submerged–
wanting my back garden door in this colour š the one between Japanese garden and the back yard
The isle, Beloved
Sails inch by inch through calm breeze
Telling me to breathe.
Dewdrops, Beloved
Reflect her face glistening
Welcoming morning.
reflection, mirroring, reciprocity – without it, nothing should proceed as only with two the tango will go, the dance of universe
One, two, Beloved,
Numbers to start a journey
To the zero point.
With ageing I am able to feel the surge of high energy I experienced before. With broken heart I’m so thankful that I’ve got love in this heart. With thirst I appreciate how freshness of water cures me. With the stuck in the head I become more and more familiar that flowing is the only way to love. With scarcity I can grow sense of gratitude with even just a little hope in life.
It’s you. Yes, it’s you. None other but you that makes me. None other but you that puts meaning on the word me. None other but you that moves all this life within me.
How can I be feeling so detached….
If you are the one attaching in all my senses?
If you are the one behaving with this corpse?
If you are the one drawing a circle for me to circumambulate until the two dots meet?
If you are the one?
I surrender. I retreat.
To
You.
Lessons, Beloved
Learnt! She feels tired and dumb
And just wants to sleep.
I experienced an intense fun last Friday evening. I was about to check in and the machine said it could not find my name and so redirect me to the check-in counter.
Airline staff (AS): Ma’am, you are not at this flight.
Me: But I booked it.
AS: You booked it for another date?
Me: What date?
AS: October 23, 2025
Me: Oh Lord…. How would it be?
AS: (smiling, shrugging)
Me: Are there still seats for the flight?
AS: Please go to that counter and get further info, Ma’am.
Me: (heading to the ticketing counter)
Long story short, I had to buy a new ticket because I had 2 gifts to deliver to 2 people in Jakarta. I had promise to keep.
I bought a new ticket for a much more expensive price than the original one wrongly booked. Lesson learnt? Check, recheck, check, recheck….. Maybe I shouldn’t have had to book a new one. I should have decided to deliver the gifts through my friend; in fact finally I had to deliver the gifts through that friend.
It’s not easy to meet with famous people; it’s either I’m too cheap to meet them, or they are playing hard to get.
Stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid………..stupid enough to call myself a stupid!
Lesson learnt again? I’ve got one round ticket for October to Jakarta. Still stupid!
She's stupid, my Love
Following honest heart, then
She needs huge to cure.
Lucky to find this book in Periplus of Soetta Airport T3 – time to get cured from wound of falling by my own stupidity
Thanks for obviously showing my stupidity this weekend. I’ll write the word stupid (tolol in Bahasa Indonesia) 1000 times to ensure I remember I am.
š
Your plodding footsteps
Call me to keep this journey
To where sunrise is.
Wherever I go as long as I’m following my honesty, I’m meeting with you.
I’ve tried denying that life is just a matter of birth to death & struggling between those two, but no life is not that indeed — pain is inevitable but suffering is optional so I prefer put always lightheartedness and useful meaning to steps of life.
One day which is today I plant my believe more deeply as I also believe that this tree of life is not only one growing for a while; this tree of life needs strong & stubborn roots to support itself to the end of universe life.
Thank you for this beautiful life, Beloved. Whatever I’ve gone through is beauty that leads me to the reality of life:
You
The scent that is spread
Is that that I've missed so long.
It's in my own hair.
I was in Sydney and finally found this that I’d wanted so long. Once I thought I would love the Jasmine but this attracted me more strongly.
only in Bahasa Indonesia, so much thing to absorb, more spiritually loaded than religiously and it’s what makes me stay in this type of learning
I’m not a moralist but at the same time I make myself comply with norms, moral values in my society and community
I’m not religious but at the same time I make myself use religions as a source to think of how I should walk this life in which I have to deal with other human beings
I’m not so much spiritual but at the same time I want to load all my life with spiritual meaning so I have little to no time to judge outside of me and to focus more within
Life is like walking on a line in which balance is required to stay on path until the other edge of the bridge
Weekend is sweet for you, dear fellow human beings
Kata guruku hati harus ringan,
Harus.
Kata guruku langkah harus pasti,
Harus.
Kata guruku badan harus rajin,
Harus.
Kata guruku hidup harus berserah,
Harus.
Susahnya!
Laku kuganti guru.
Ngomongnya begini:
Buat apa jadi manusia kalau tidak punya hati bahagia? Kalau kerjanya bermalas-malas diombang-ambing angan-angan? Kalau kerjanya memaksa semua dengan maunya?
Duh!
Berguru di mana-mana sama!
Aku duduk di depan patung Dorna,
Pendeta legenda,
Sebagai Ekalaya aku berpura-pura.
Bambang Ekalaya (Anggraeni’s husband), most loyal male wayang to his teacher
Dewi Anggraeni (Ekalaya’s wife), most loyal female wayang to her husband
There are ways
For those hiding
To stay hidden.
There are ways
For those running
To keep running.
There are ways
For those struggling
To forever struggle.
They say they do it
For those they love.
They claim they do it
For those they care.
They pledged they do it
For those they respect.
Is it true?
Words can lie.
Numbers can manipulate.
Silence can cover.
Yet eyes can't bury
What's sliding with tears
On the face of reality.
Don't lie to me
Honesty saves everyone's time.
I have no time
To have fun
If fun is your way to hide
Your true face from me.
Save yourself
By letting go
Off the masks
That you wear even when alone.
Let it fall off
And I will stride away
With a lot of pray.
Sunset, Beloved
Is the beauty that welcomes
Her serenity.
Gurindam is a form of ancient poem of (old) Malay.
Gurindam 12 (twelve gurindam(s)) is a set of gurindam composed by Raja Ali Haji in 1847. Raja Ali Haji was a poet born in Pulau Penyengat, Kepulauan Riau, Indonesia in 1808. He is one of national heroes of Indonesia.
I read it back then in junior high school when comprehension was not really well obtained. I wish to fully understand this gurindam before time is up.
Enjoy….
Saturday night, Love
Keeps her radiant and calm
In a place called heart.
I became hungry and decided to slice carrot, beet root and chayote for salad.
For this Saturday night’s calm vibe, I sliced shallot, chili, lemon grass and kefir lime leaves then sautĆ© them in coconut oil added with shrimp block.
Alhamdulillah yum yumā£ļø
Will it be possible to not long for you? I'm a satellite following you with measured distance, a constant give-and-take or push-and-pull.
Am I a moon to you the earth? Are you the earth to me the sun? Am I the sun to you the centre of the galaxy? Are you the galaxy to me the black hole? Or are you the moon to me the earth? Am I the earth to you the sun? Are you the sun to me the galaxy? Am I the galaxy to you the black hole? So and so.... We are revolving each other through layers or orbits just to find one self.
How beautiful how we position to each other truly is! Traveling together in a journey that we both silently know, religiously follow. It's the you that's me, it's the you that's you.
May 2 is a special day. It is Indonesia’s National Education Day at the same time the date when my father passed away.
I pray for him always. Yet on his birthday and on his death day I recite special prayer for him.
My father
Is a book mark
With which I remember
Where I should restart.
He is not part of the book,
But with him reading would feel so light.
I found years ago that life is originally like this: flat, neutral, tasteless. It’s just life.
Then I realised that if I kept myself a log in a river, I would be deadly drifted before sinking somewhere unknown. And so I decided to be the river, a flowing river: moving as the stream not the one rolled by the stream.
So I put meanings: chosen meanings to my life. So I put some creativity (not much): little innovation to make my life more comfortable. So I put generosity: small sharing with those I care. So I put a pinch of drama: with which I concoct secret love with you & by which no one is disturbed. So I put jazz: relaxed beats in life that make me feel so much alive.
For those enjoying jazz, either music or vibe!
April 30 is International Jazz Day
At times it's hard to deal with what's factual
Yet I talk to the face in the mirror:
Aren't all these present by your previous decisions?
Or do you regret of taking what considered best by then?
Nothing is in vain.
There's always a trail I can trace back: choices and decisions I made.
What lesson?
Now don't regret. Tomorrow don't repeat the same mistakes. Yesterday is always valuable lesson. Never (again) blame others.
Is that what's truly it? Maybe just for me, not for everyone.
It's timed, Beloved
That that evolves. It won't last.
How blessed I'm mortal.
I admire
You
Beyond words.
When you demand more,
I use thick dictionaries and thesaurus across the universe to praise
You.
The silence is more eloquently accurate than any word can say.
Redreshed, Beloved
By love sprouting from within
A mother called Earth--
I often freshen and refresh my body by drinking “jamu”, the Javanese herbal medicine or herbal drink that I mostly concoct with my own hands.
Life list, Beloved,
Not about glory or lost.
It's what truly costs.
I used to list what I wanted to do. Every year I made the list longer until I stopped as I’ve found primary list that I won’t forget to make come true.
One of them is writing my own book (I’ve written with friends in anthology books) so I’m working on it.
Another one is having a home where family and friends feel the true selves in them. My first house was but as it is located not in a preferred place, I decided to make a new one. Working on it–
Many more and I’m working on all of them.
They might come true or not as age is not predictable yet at least I’m working on all of them.
Sooner or later
Amen
When I am in love, I feel like traveling in a parabolic track and passing by its vertex, a turning point.
Vertex is either the highest or the lowest point of a parabola. It is a point in which a mirror perfectly reflects left and right sides of a parabola. It is where a journey turns to climb up or glide down depending on what direction the parabola faces.
The vertex always lies on the axis of symmetry of a parabola, which is a vertical line that divides the parabola into two equal halves. It’s no different from life journey: only when all phases are gone through, the energy will repay. When the negativity is reaching its peak, life glides to the positive side and the other way around. Life will not let someone stay too long in one side of the story. Fair. Karmic. Cause-Effect.
Loving one person with a start and an end can be a perfect parabolic line with a vertex well found: balanced, symmetrical and fair. It’s not about reciprocity at the same time about reciprocity. It’s not about a broken heart, at the same time about a broken heart. It’s a line of perceptions that bounce back and forth mirroring each other until lesson is learnt (maximum/minimum value of a vertex).
From a cone I also learnt versions of love: Circle is a perfect love. Ellipse is full love with inclination. Hyperbola is love of one person to/for more than one person. It can be romantic or not.
A lame analysis; just for fun while enjoying Jakarta (heavy) traffic āŗļø
What's origami?
Paper in a pair of hands,
Finding its beauty--
Today I contemplated a lot about friendship.
I value friendship, as it is the best I can gift to those I love. Yet some of mine didn’t work well. Just recently one friend sent messages to someone to tell me that she no longer wanted to befriend with me. Her messages were big anger described through words that to me sounded like unreasonable accusations: that I only needed her in need, that she didn’t trust my intension of not inviting her to the hotel where I stayed, that I was not her true friend, that she would not contact me anymore, and so on.
I was upset and said to the “messenger”: Thanks for reading me her messages, please don’t forward the written messages to me, please help delete.”
I got hurt with the hurting accusations. I began to calculate what and how much I had done for her versus what she had done for me. 15-year friendship ended with a message without clarification…. What a tragic comedy!
I got hurt. A short drama started to mount within me….
Until….
Today I met someone who happened to be her friend and mine, who informed me that her mother just passed away after the Idul Fitri. Innalillaahi wa innaa ilaihi rajiun.
And that’s when I knew why she became so sensitive.
She never informed me that her mother passed away. it’s probably her fault.
One time in Ramadhan she sent one message of asking for a call but I was in a massive headache so I didn’t even reply to anyone’s messages including hers. So maybe I also missed some updates from her. It’s probably my faults.
I don’t know; I don’t want to prolong the drama.
I sent her a condolence message. I don’t hope anything but her acceptance of what is.
I’m telling myself that I’m good and play the Ho’oponopono repeatedly to let go off what’s not.
I’m sorry, my own self for being negative. Please forgive me. I thank you. I love you.
Head piece, Beloved
What I've kept in head and heart.
Always about you--
Bulang Mandailing – a head piece for woman of Mandailing ethnic group
Suntiang Gadang – a head piece for woman of Minang ethnic group
rike jokanan 
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