Sweet Dreams

All dreams should be sweet.
They should leave beautiful trails
To be well followed.

living with acceptance is a dream

and I’ve achieved it to some extent; I’ve learnt letting go each and every day

and now I want to enjoy my life with someone who has the same project with mine: to live loving & forgiving, to die loved & forgiven

because to me that’s the only way to live happily

Still About Dreams

When dreams are calling,
Get up! The sky's the limit,
Be the wind that blows.

my dreams call the wind so they can meet you soon

❣️

What About The Dreams?

I still keep the dreams:
You're the only one to meet
When sky's clear one day.

I hug my dreams in the dark day; they will again fly to find home when the wind sweeps clouds away

💙

🥰

Math

My Math is full of
You.
I will always listen to
You.

as long as you have your voice, I’ll always listen

no change to my ears, just my perspectives that are now in the dark

💙

Tanda (Yura Yunita)

Yura has been a star singing for me. I downloaded almost all of her songs in Apple Music.

She’s released a new song “Tanda” recently and it is another praying song that is so much enjoyable and uplifting.

Never bored of listening to the voice of this singer with a beautiful heart —

God bless you, Yura.

Thanks for singing from the heart. When you sing, I feel like praying with you.

💕

Love

When many think you're more,
You shine too bright,
Exceeding a real star,
That I've admired,
Your true colors.

This heart can only bear
Natural brightness,
That will shine no matter how dark the life is,
Not the artificial brightness that will collapse when the dark goes dark.

So let you stay
Where admiration is loud.
Let this heart stay
Where love truly vibes.

love is never wrong, only the object is sometimes not rightly chosen

some love feels demanding even when it only requires simplicity and peace

it’s good to learn to love unconditionally including accepting the excessiveness of how human being perceives love itself

it’s ok to fail to love unconditionally this time — sometimes the best love is stopping admiration where admiring is making things less genuine and more misleading

💙

❣️

Love

What's love, Beloved?
It's what she does and becomes.
As red as ruby--

I love jewelry; these are a set of ruby I bought in Scott Market in Yangon, Myanmar in 2018

so many gemstones made my eyes wildly browsed all possibly affordable ones

i bought sapphire, ruby, jade and amber that have become my precious entertainer cum advisor when I’m lost.

gemstone is not only beautiful but also symbols of wisdom and beauty

Thank you❣️

Blue

What's blue, Beloved?
Tranquility. Sky and sea
As calm as can be--

painted my nails blue to keep my spirit on and on and on

it doesn’t matter if people say I just look wise but actually unwise — I’m not wise indeed ☺️

I only say what’s aligned between my head and heart and even my belly

☺️

Why?

They ask, Beloved
Why repeated the same thing?
Based on what you do--

why I say the same ideas repeatedly, only moving the point of view?

because those are the things I not only know but also embrace, internalise and experience in life

saying something I don’t truly know and feel and walk feels like not stepping on the ground

❣️

Clear Glasses

Clear glasses, my love
With which colours and shapes seen
Are cleaned everyday.

it’s both the glass container and the glass spectacles should be clean to see clearly

exactly like one person’s action and the other’s perspective

❣️

Kitchen Calls

Kitchen calls, my love
Those in love with life and taste
And the folks in heart.

today’s ifthar with so much love

we call it bothok not the Botox injection — it’s tempeh, anchovy in grated coconut + santan wrapped by my hands in banana leaves 😍

sayur asem (sour soup) normally the sourness is from tamarind but today I used buah kedondong peel

Japanese cracker that I love always

still the Bac Ninh oranges

kedondong

Today’s Joy

What's for today's joy?
Colourful and full of taste
On a wooden tray

today’s ifthar

salad for fresh evening from my fridge

kolak (stew of sweet yam, aloe vera and sago pearl) from my kitchen

orange from Bac Ninh, Hanoi

steamed rice cake from Bengawan Solo

Dear Heart

Dear
Heart
That
Softens,
Love me
Also
Let me go.

loving others is easier than loving one’s self; after that letting go others is easier than letting go one’s self

I’m letting go all.

💗

Loved? Fulfilled?

Stacking oranges
Shine on a fruit container.
Loved fruits to fulfill

Love has many languages: more than 5  to express it. Fulfilment has only 1: getting/giving what’s wanted.

Fulfilment can be the feeling of getting attention, receiving compliment, passing a test, making a relationship, owning a dream house, invited to important events, getting this or having that.

But love…. I still feel my father’s love although he passed away > 20 years ago. I feel my mother’s love although she lives far away. I still feel my siblings’ love although we don’t talk with each other everyday. It’s the time & moments we’ve cherished . It’s smiles & jokes when gathering in our small dining room. It’s their hi through WhatsApp asking where I am & telling me to be well. It’s the reconciliation after small fights. It’s the blood that I can’t unflow from this body. It’s the karma to serve in the same family. The prayers that I know sent through whisper & breath every time we remember each other. My best friends are included, too.

I constantly need love; without love I will lose hope & die in despair. It stays in the heart & soul, fueling the journey of human being in the making. No expiry date for love: beyond time & space.

I need fulfilment in certain timelines. No big house forever. Not much money forever. No jewelry forever. I won’t need this body forever. The best limit for fulfilment is “in moderation”, “enough” & yes it’s based on my own evaluation.

I claim this shallow mind about love & fulfilment. I’m learning.

Thank you.

Note: This might not work for you. Find your own life treasure within. 

💗

You & I

I chat with you
With no language.
When with you,
I know no time.

Yet we separate
To miss each other,
To love
With condition
Then without.

in love everyday

Transactional

I buy your voice with hearing.
I buy your look with sight.
I buy your scent with smelling.
Some I buy with touch and taste.
I buy, never take anything from you for free.
Now you agree senses are currency, no?

A voice screams in whisper:
From whom do you get the senses?

She's in a daze
Again and again,
Failed in transaction
Against
You.

You

I speak with you
With no language.
When with you,
I know no time.
In you I find me.
In me I find you.
Then we separate
To miss each other,
To love
With no limit.

The Way I See You

My perspective about you might change all the time.

It might be about in which angle I stand when looking at you, or
How far I distance my sight when observing you, or
How full circle I go around you to see all sides, or
How long I stay in one corner speechless enjoying the daisy, or
How critical I pull all the dots of you looking imperfect in these eyes until I find it's the lenses impaired that I can't see your beaut so see-through, or
Simply how I accept how you describe you....

I always want the last as I want you to tell me about you.
But you know, sometimes I don't trust you....

Let me trust you.

all is true in its own position – layers of truth apply to human beings’ journey; clarity is truly important to make the right decision, belief is important to stay in the chosen lane

Loaded

I'm loaded
With burdens
That are not on my body.
The suffering borne
By others
Has leak in
To this porous heart.

Let me be
In rest, Beloved
In the flow of
My slow life
That doesn't chase what I used to chase,
That doesn't crave what I used to crave,
That embraces the acceptance of what is,
That sits alone in room with
You.

how can I not care to those sick, hungry and sad around me who seek help from me? I’ve cried and maybe it is time to stop for a while

just for a while, Beloved

just for a while

before I walk again in this narrow path with grass and daisies around

to where my love suits her scent

let me rest for a while

before it’s time to be your loving hands again for a longer while

thank you….

❣️

This Light Heart


Let there be light.
Let there be light.
Light in heart.
Light of heart.
Light around heart.
Light through heart.
Light borrowed.
Light lent.
Light along this journey.
Light journey.
Light heart.

this heart feels the lightest when I’m riding my bike, exploring the greenery around the neighborhood

rain, I love you but please pause on just one day so I can either visit the water lilies in the river or tropical flowers in the paths around the reservoir

💛

Accepted

There is a dot
Where a circle is closed.
That is, Beloved
Where I accept
That
However I look won't be good,
Whatever I say won't be right,
To
You.

This heart is a collection of
Tiny circles closing every time
Lesson is learnt.

And so,
Let me close one
For a while
To fully accept
Its breakage.

Let me celebrate this tiny hope
At the edge of this grandiose world
Where only power seems matter.

no, I don’t want to lose hope to have a better world even if that whom I love the most thinks this idea is a nonsense

keep loving, dear heart, even if the sun is an inch over this head

💙

About A Magic

This love, Beloved,
Blooms to shine within and out.
Don't discriminate.

how deed is your love?

I love. Yes I do love….

…. but very rarely romantically up to this age (4 times).

Among the rare romantic love, what was the most magical?

It was when I fell in love with a (maybe) gay man.

Don’t judge me; I didn’t know he was a gay. Don’t judge him; it was his choice.

Love is love. It is still worth appreciating. I respect everyone’s choice of life including one’s sexual orientation & gender identity (some of my friends & colleagues are in that group) but I am not a person to be in a romantic relationship with LGBTQ no matter what.

Thank you, Love for the experience. I’m lucky to have a big heart. I believe my heart is even now deeper and more spacious with the magic that has happened to me.

Alhamdulillah.

😊

❣️

Journey

Journey, Beloved,
To the line where I started,
Timed with acceptance--

some people think when an effort doesn’t result in what is targetted, it means a loss — to me it is not a loss, it is a lesson learnt not to do better to win but to know how to let go more immediately, gracefully with less pain

no, not all can do that earlier — some people are just loving to compete against anyone in their journey not knowing it is a silent journey, they think any lane with others present is called a race

no, not all can do that earlier — some people think they are much more superior that can consider themselves excel in everything not knowing that they silently are left behind by many authentically much better in most aspects of life

”m sure everyone will be able to do it when the time is coming

it doesn’t matter, we’re all children of life

☺️

Note: negating, denying, ignoring: patterns that slow down maturity process

Peace, Joy

Peace and joy, my love,
Cheerfully dances with smiles
Or dives to the deep.

my dolphin earrings today reminded me that life should be experienced with some taste of peace and joy

Beshara: a space to listen & see what is

Beshara is a name for the perspective that there is only one unlimited existence, expressing itself infinitely as a gift of love.
The potential to realise this truth lies within every human heart.
The awakening and realisation of this potential is the aim of this education.

The word Beshara is originally Aramaic, its meaning can be rendered as “good news” or “omen of joy”. It indicates the very positive and valuable effect that any movement towards a more inclusive and harmonious perspective represents.

(https://beshara.org/)

A Brief History of Beshara

In the UK , and the west in general, the 1960’s were a time of great questioning of the established order.  Many people began to realise that there was more to life and another way to be than simply continuing in the ways of previous generations. For some this was youthful rebelliousness, others were directly inspired to seek a wider vision based on love and beauty. Most were young, and some were old.  What emerged as Beshara  was intrinsic to this cultural shift, and over time the Beshara School was established in order to promote the principle of the unity of existence and its cultural implications to all who might benefit.

Instrumental in this process was Bulent Rauf. Born in Istanbul in 1911, Bulent had received a traditional Ottoman education at home, and gone on to receive the best of Western education at Cornell and Yale in the US. His interest in ‘esoteric’ or inner education  came from his family on both sides being steeped in the culture of the unity of all existence as propounded by the great mystics of the Middle East, especially Ibn Arabi and Rumi. Arriving in England in  the mid 1960’s, Bulent recognised the need for ideas and insights that had been the sole preserve of a few mystics and spiritual masters to become part of an education available to all.

There were others groups meeting in London at this time, including those following Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan (of the Sufi Order in the West) as well as Christian healing groups. Large weekend gatherings were also held under the auspices of Sir George Trevelyan at Attingham Park in Shropshire.  It was a time when diverse groups came together and in 1971 a centre was set up at Swyre Farm in Gloucestershire, headed initially by Reshad Feild who had met Bulent Rauf a couple years earlier and was also a representative of Pir Vilayat. A trust with a board of trustees was set up and was initially chaired by Peter Dewey, a trainee priest. The name Beshara appeared after consultations with Bulent Rauf and the trust became the Beshara Trust. Bulent recognised that knowledge would focus the expansiveness of love that would otherwise dissipate as times changed and introduced the study of Ibn ‘Arabi to complement that of Rumi and others. The curriculum of the school had begun to form.

People from all over the world,  including many from the USA,  gravitated to Swyre Farm and began to receive an education in the unity of existence. After a couple of years it was felt that there was a need for more concentrated study in order for the principles of unity to become firmly established. Consequently a ruined house was discovered abandoned in the Scottish Borders. This was partly renovated and  the Beshara School of Intensive Esoteric Education was established at Chisholme House in the Scottish Borders in 1975. Since that time, hundreds of students have come from all over the world to spend time at Chisholme, as students or working as volunteers.

In 1976 a greater number of applicants for courses than Chisholme could accommodate meant that it was necessary to move to  a larger place . Sherborne House in Gloucestershire, close to Swyre Farm and the previous home of courses run by J.G. Bennett, was ideal for this purpose. The Trust had enjoyed a close relationship with J.G. Bennett who, had given a series of talks to students at Swyre Farm from 1972 to 1974, which appeared  as Intimations by Beshara Publications.

One of J.G. Bennett’s students, Diane Cilento, who is more famous for being an Academy Award nominated actress, established links with Beshara and went on to found a Beshara School in Queensland, Australia. Many Australians attended  courses there, and came over to Chisholme for further studies in the 1970s and 80s.

It was during the first course at Sherborne that Grenville Collins and Bulent Rauf saw the need for an academic society to encourage wider translation and dissemination of Ibn ‘Arabi’s ideas. A notice was posted recruiting members, a committee formed and the The Muhyiddin Ibn ‘Arabi Society was born.

At the same time a further ‘second’ course was developed that would focus on conversation, self responsibility and a deeper development of spiritual ‘taste’ that is intrinsic to inner education. The first such course was held at Chisholme House in 1978, after an extensive period of renovation, and for many years two six month courses ran in parallel.

Swyre Farm was sold in 1978, due to financial pressures,  and the Beshara Trust concentrated its activities in the converted stables at Sherborne for many years and later at Frilford Grange in Oxfordshire, where it operated from 1988 until 1990. This was a time when eminent scientists and educationalists came to lecture regularly, and the Beshara Magazine flourished. Following the sale of Frilford and the closure of the Beshara Magazine, due to financial pressures (again!) , the focus of the Beshara School was at The Chisholme Institute, though courses also continued  to be held in Australia, the United States and Israel as well as new courses in Indonesia

After Bulent Rauf died in 1987, Peter Young took over as principal of the Beshara School at Chisholme and continued to run courses for nearly 30 years before retiring in 2015. During this time the house and grounds were renovated  and further courses developed.

Today, a number of independent groups and charitable organizations set up by long-term students of the Beshara School continue to  offer courses and study groups in many locations worldwide.

The Beshara Trust runs courses and talks in the UK including the annual Beshara Lecture, which was started in 2011. The Trust  hosts this website and encourages all affiliate organisations that choose to come under the name Beshara – which means ‘Good News’.

Source: Beshara website

after long time pause of offline discussion, finally we all said ok to a gathering before Ramadhan this yearit was also a potluck

attendees in today’s Beshara SEA (South East Asia) discussion in South Jakarta today — not a symmetrical photo but still it is a good one to share 😊

her 1st time joining Beshara gathering — she said today’s strongest word hitting her was “trust”

thank you for willing to sit with us for hours to listen and see what is

Wisdom

Wisdom, Beloved
Mothers who are born the last
By daughters called life.

a book from Periplus Plaza Indonesia – good to read during a massage with Mbak Idah

Jakarta has given me a short delay from a fast-paced life.

❣️

Dwellers

Dwellers, Beloved
We are in this space, searching
What's known yet unknown;
Or, what's unknown in fact known
By a searcher who's been searched.

love is in the center of my searching in which I’ve been dwelling in this space with the sun, the moon and the stars

I’ve been searching myself who’s sitting patiently, radiantly knowing that I am longed for by the lover

thank you for the love that you’ve given to me through all those around me: human beings, non humane things and those unseen but sensed, and those unseen and not sensed

About Believing (ranting)

Doubt and trust, my love,
Between which I wait for you
To sing a love song.

While knowing makes me clearly decide what to do, believing keeps me walking even when it’s pitch black or blinding bright.

Believing is not about taking something with evidences. Believing is taking things for granted as there is no choice while I should keep on. As long as evidence is not yet well presented, it’s believing, not knowing.

What do I believe most in life? That there is only one able to help me, the one I often call beloved, my love, dear love, you. Yet I’m shaken now & then by what’s called doubt. Doubt moves the graphic of trust up & down which is normal as said by a master “the faith is up & down”.

In uncertainty, do I still believe of salvation? Yes, I believe in salvation as I don’t know if it is happening or not. At the same time I make space for doubt so I’m humanely questioning myself whether I’m doing well in clarifying the ways. There’s something I miss when in doubt & the space in which I miss always gives me hope, a feel of falling in love with something that I believe will drop wisdom to the heart.

How beautiful the collaboration of belief & doubt is! It ignites love. Love is an eternal flame that sparkles dancing depending on how trust & doubt tango. Without the existence of both, love will look like a marble slab: cold, hard, mute; while a flame: warm, soft, dynamic.

I know in order to keep love & wisdom rekindling as long as I live, I’ve got to believe in the one I often call beloved, my love, dear love or you that sometimes resides so deep in Him or Me.

What a rant!

at that age (below 30) I believed that all were good with lil doubt and as a result I was cheated, lied to but at the same time I gained kindness, endurance and silence

now? kindness, carefree, clarity as these 3 are most needed to live a human being’s life lightly and genuinely

my formula, not applied to all

keep believing that love prevails

😊

If

If and if, dear love
The silence breaks, I will fly
With true adventure.

if I am to choose an animal to be my daemon, I’ll always choose a cat

I don’t know why; I used to live with a cat in my small home in Indonesia before moving to Singapore, as my job was 75% traveling, I could not bring Bob with me and so my mother took care of him — one year later, he died

I still want a cat some day 💕

if I am to choose what animal I’m to be, it would not be a cat though

maybe dolphin so I can live in the depth of water while playfully jump to the air

me with a plastic of water — when I was a girl, I loved playing with water so much; almost everyday I put water in a plastic bag and pinched the surface so the plastic became spiky

this lil girl is my home, my sanctuary