graphs of my Universe
Sketches, Beloved
Turning imagination
To the sensible
That won’t last longer than life;
Let go from the very start—
—
Sometimes I asked myself “what will happen to all these sketches when I die?” 🫥 Not easy to answer until I realised what I have done to most of my mistakes: let go.
🤡
Mirror, Beloved.
Look back while looking forward!
Sigh. Blank. Mute. Smile. Shine.
—
Acceptance has gathered laughter, smile, speechlessness, emptiness, anger into a frame with a figure looking into a mirror at the same time seeing what is situated behind.
Beloved, the past is the past but it is what has molded a present person. It should be forgiven, it should not be forgotten.
Thank you, yesterday! Hello, today! Welcome, future!
lovely reservoir — under the clean night sky, with the bestest friend of mine, my own self 💝
Counting beads of pray,
An echoed name flows away
Through silence of heart.
—
Have you ever prayed so silently? No one can hear. Only beads of pray click. A remembrance of love that is unseen. Beyond the ocean and beyond existence—
Literature is a limited tool to disclose ideas and emotions; not accurate enough to shoot one heart. Math is sharp to operate a complex equation; not sweet enough though to state naked truth.
With what then should I count this reality between two lovers? Beauty or precision?
Only beads of pray is whispered silently. Who knows the river will sail this soft voice along its flow introducing it to the estuary that escorts it to the ocean where winds push the current following the North Star to meet with you.
Salaam.
Sincerely,
from a tiny heart wrapped in a peaceful morning
Scarlet, Beloved,
Traveling in a canal
Brings blossom to life.
—
Flamboyan tree is magnificently stunning, all part of it— trunk, branches, twigs, leaves, scarlet flowers and seed pods, no exception.
Seeing pictures of flamboyan trees with blossoming scarlet flowers feels like my blood gets healthier and flows more smoothly. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence that I’m being healthy now and seeing the pictures. So, it is the blood not the scarlet flowers causing me feel alive! ☺️
Alhamdulillah. Monday is well done. A satisfying healthy day!
Note: Blood colour isn’t always bright red. It won’t be blue though.
Salaam.
Bouquet, Beloved,
A bunch of symbols arranged
Through fragrance and hues.
—
Amaryllis: strength and determination
Daffodil: honesty, truth and forgiveness
Eucalyptus: division of the underworld, earth and heaven (Aboriginal wisdom); inner and outer strength, leadership
Gladiolus: faithfulness and integrity
Lily of the valley: sincerity and joy
Sunflower: loyalty and unconditional love
Tendril: growth, softness, flexibility (Javanese wisdom)
Deep dive, Beloved,
To where soft bodies guard light
Wisdom of the dark
—
Nowhere is better than within, where price tag is no longer a concern, where silence and acceptance is currency, where no one looks evil or harmless, where only gratitude and peace reside, where no colour distracts, where pain and joy are blended to ecstatic reality….
….where I finally get sleepy 😁
Salaam.
Reading, Beloved
Deciphering messages
Sent by soul that shines—
—
Sending my warm regards to all readers in the world. Hope we’re all blessed with wisdom and fun from reading and what is read.
Salaam…. 🙏🏼
Kinokuniya SG – calm Saturday afternoon after Japanese class with Honda Sensei
Welcome, Beloved,
To where you belong. The home
That keeps missing you.
—
They are welcoming me home with love ♥️
Hungry, Beloved,
For love yet the bucket’s full.
The love though won’t stop.
—
Was so hungry! Hungry or greedy me? Maybe greedy but just couldn’t tell people “I’m greedy I could eat a horse”. 🤤
Morning is breathing
With sun light from the window
And red carnation.
—
There is always good thing to associate to morning….
…. if we accept it.
💝
Your sketch, Beloved,
Done, undone, done, undone for
Perfect silhouette—
—
Your look in this mind. More or less—
Blessings, Beloved,
Smiles counted as a welcome
Paid with a thank you.
—
I’ve always loved South East Asia countries; its friendliness, warmth and good food is beyond compare. Tonight was a nice local experiences with a colleague at Hanoi night for cha ca la vang, desserts on the road and egg coffee in Cafe Dinh. Most importantly on motor bike!
🏍
I see
You
In the clarity of evening lake.
I hear
You
Through the whispering midnight wind.
I touch
You
In the warm water I splash at the dawn.
I taste
You
In the green tea I sip in the morning bright.
I smell
You
In the best lunch of the day.
I feel
You
In this throbbing heart in the sweet twilight.
To
You
Across the ocean:
Your
Name is so real,
Why not
Your
Presence?
—
Blessed life, Beloved,
Chains of weeks with good content
Closed with happy ends—
—
Weekend!
Again?
I’ve been curious how many weekends I’ve lived.
Way more than 2000!
Are there more good weekends than not so good ones? After some contemplation the answer is yes! There have been way more good weekends in my life! Thanks to laughter and clumsiness naturally blessed to me.
Hope to live thousands of more healthy weeks and commit to spend them gloriously!
If not given that long? Still enjoy! Or if given too short, negotiate! Don’t disappoint this human being, God. 😶
Rock this weekend!!!
Love is
Unseen rope
Invisibly tying
Sparkling souls.
Love is
Interconnected network
Constantly connecting
All computers.
Love is
Moving air
Secretly exchanged
Through breathing.
Love is
An attached context
Building meaning
In a statement.
Love is
A medium
Conveying messages
To a ready recipient.
And what is not
Is not.
—
Years of experience has brought me to an understanding that subtle sensitivity is one of the keys to understanding, genuineness, boundary and security.
Welcome to genuine hearts. Good bye to tricky engagements.
Today I’m in love again with those around me who never give up on my clumsiness and insensitivity and with myself who becomes more patient and acceptant.
Salaam. 💝
Love at the first sight
To what’s captured by senses
And stays in the heart—
—
One beloved person called me asking why I didn’t attend a nephew’s wedding party yesterday. I said I couldn’t as I’ve been physically “beaten up” because of an accident recently. After what happened, sorry and better be careful, don’t go biking at night, wear the right shoes; she started ranting….
“What are you looking for in life? Look at your nephews and nieces getting married one by one. They wish their best wishes for you but you don’t seem to care. You’d better find one man and get married and they will attend your wedding party with all love and gifts.”
“Not my priority”, I said.
“What is your priority? Your work? Your dream? What?”
It is sometimes annoying to be a single woman in a society in which marriage is highly appreciated and considered as highway to happiness. I feel so lucky for living overseas away from those caring so much about me so I can enjoy my life the way I love to. Many of my single girl friends call me now and then telling me how tiring it is to answer the same questions again and again even when they don’t seem to have problems for not getting married. We are mentally and financially stable. 😁
“Ok, tell me I’ll find one. I know you won’t want one like your last. Tell me.”
“Sexually straight and not abusive in any way possible.”
“That’s easy! It is just you so difficult! Sometimes you just have to give up your priority or your love. I got married without love and it goes well. Many of us do and it goes well. Know that we worry about you.”
Alamak….
Weekend still goes well. And I’m happily looking forward to another week.
Life is a mystery, and so is love. I love my life and I don’t worry. 🥰
the right place possible – Jun. 19, 2022/17:12
Story, Beloved
Told through colours, dots and lines
About nature love.
—
So much miss “playgrounds” where plants are greeting freely with their stories and advices. Hallo Jogja and Bali, wait for me. 🍀
Gemstones, Beloved,
Beautiful, shiny, precious—
Mind! You’re still a stone.
—
When you integrate, you at the same time disintegrate. Imagine what happens before a gemstone sits on a ring: a tumble stone, cut, polished, separated from dirt and rock. Often time most part of the tumble is “wasted” for the sake of presenting a small carat of a bright semi precious or precious stone!
What gemstone are you? You might be a diamond in progress. Don’t tell, let the true eyes see the true you. Sheer beauty! Don’t take so long except you are willing to be a hidden treasure of the universe. Whatever your choice is – be true to yourself.
I want to be a diamond but I am not and so I will never be.
I am though grateful to have been created a less pricy one – it is precious to be given time to be what I am. Not more, not less, just right. I know and I accept it. 💝
Thank you, Beloved.
Blueprint, Beloved,
Life in black and white. Colour!
With meanings and vibes—
—
Happy life is a sketch before coloured. The same sketch in the hands of different human beings can have different colour composition that bring different vibes and nuance. Neuroscientist’s perspective of happiness is different from artist’s. The haves’ perspective of happiness is different from the have nots’. A wanderer’s perspective of happiness is different from a homebody’s. Et cetera…
Yet it is still happiness in its original design.
It is a feel of happiness when I shed tears then realising that life is more than crying on failure or accidents; life is seeing failure or accidents as blessings. Imagine how happy a person was knowing that she was late for boarding losing mega business opportunity then after that learning that the plane she was supposed to board crashed in which all passengers were dead. A blessing in disguise! Life is more precious than any business!
Thank you for this subtle reminder about putting some bright colours where dreary feeling resides.
Baby step to grow wiser…. Very slow but I’m sure I’ll be a wise old lady. 😁 Hey, hey! Don’t forget to dye your hair!
Which one, Beloved?
To love? To be loved? Any—
As long as it’s true.
—
There are times when you have no choice but giving or taking; no reciprocity whatsoever. And that is when you think it is not fair although that is not necessary to think of anything as long as it is true.
When it is time to give, just give like when you enjoy good unhealthy food. When it is time to take, just take like when you enjoy the healthful bland food. Easy but I have found it challenging in some way. I want balanced give and take, good and healthful.
Life is bitterly fair. To enjoy it, be true. Be true to yourself, my dear.
💝
Fine lines, Beloved,
Show how much and deep her love is
To life and its vibes.
—
I am seriously getting and looking older. It doesn’t matter. I love being me changing physically and growing mentally. 💝
Coffee, Beloved,
Brings back the fragrance of breeze
From the green high land.
—-
I drink coffee but am not a big fan of it. Fragrance of raw coffee beans, coffee cherries, coffee leaves, coffee flowers, coffee trees are much more lovable to these nostrils. Last 2019 visit to my uncle and aunt’s home in Menoreh Hill has always been a fresh fragrant memory; it is because the coffee fragrance would welcome us in the morning when wind blowing down the hill through the window sills.
Along the path up the hill going to our grandparents’ graveyards these hands would playfully pull some coffee leaves or coffee cherries, squeeze them and breathe the aroma in. My cousins and nieces would do the same. We would throw them to the dogs jumping around as playful as the owners.
Miss that green high land, where my ancestors started their humble legends—
Wind, fly me. 🛫
Salaam.
Stories, Beloved,
Chronological events
With no emotion
She puts meanings and settings
To characters in action.
—
I like poems loaded with love even when it is not love stories according to my friends. To me all stories are potential love stories.
I couldn’t find my left green sock and a poem about losing a beloved one was born. My kitchen lamp was blinking before switched off for good, a poem about a lover moving on after struggling reaching out to the beloved. Yet real broken heart helped me develop poems about how a heart shape blinks from white to blue to red to black before fading away.
Everything is love story between a lover and beloved. Of left and right socks. Of dark and light. Of hope and fear. Of head and heart. Of missing you and hating you. Of everything and nothing. Of me and my beloved that constantly changeable among me, you and them.
Mystery? Cheesy? It doesn’t matter. It helps me relax yet focus. ♥️
Life is all romance through these eyes. Wish that they remain with romantic lenses until life shows its true romanticism at the end of the journey—
😚
00:00
Winter, Beloved,
As white as wishes whistling
Through poems and prayers.
—
Damascus steel cuts silk. Drips of water punch the rocks. Wind caresses the sands. Breeze sways the twigs and ushers the leaves to land on the ground. Snowflake falls one by one wrapping the ground to doze off. With eloquent silence they make things happen.
How can I say about language ….except that it is as subtly powerful as nature, or even much more with its ability to transform or transmigrate whatever is in the hands, head and heart—
Whistle to me, Winter. These ears are frozen and distant but this soul is as warm and fragrant as jasmine tea.
Monday, thank you for being nice to me. Tuesday, I know you are too. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, be, too.
Salaam.
Singapore – Jun. 13, 2022 / 11:02pm
Married, Beloved,
To your shadow that follows
Wherever I go.
Divorced, Beloved,
From your doubt that hunts and haunts
Wherever I hide.
—-
One very long chat decorated a night. A childhood friend did sharing about what she had experienced when we were away for about 10 years, busy with our own life. This is her promise to tell the full story after giving hints and looking puzzled when meeting me.
She married thrice. First husband died of illness. Second abused and cheated her and so they divorced. Third one, this one has brought a lot of stories and enlightenment.
How she finally decided the third after the traumatic second has strengthened about my own lesson in life – acceptance. How she lets a seemingly perfect person be with her imperfect figure does add amazement about one of my loyalist. How she ignores words and stares from people disapproving her behaviours has told me she is still girl going foraging in the wild with me in our lively early age.
She hit me with some bitter comments about my complicated points. She ridiculed me for being so guarding and distant from risking broken heart to happen. She also highlighted how her love transforms to friendship that I would have not believed can happen to her – she is not a “friendship-friendly” type of person, she is a snapping turtle 😑
There are things she has regretted about all 3 decisions but the regret has brought her to a final realisation that her life has shaped her into a composed, mature woman strong yet flexible enough to be beautifully bent by the hardship of life. The pain pays off, she said. What a beautiful creature my dear friend is! 😘😘😘
This weekend has given me another package of lessons from our childhood. A blast from the past!
Weekend is still long. I’d better have more fun!
May all beings be happy! 🙏🏼
Longing for
You
Is not
Because
Of
Love.
The opposite:
This love
Is
An expansion
Of
Longing for
You.
This room
Is
Full of
Longing for
You
And
Only love
Can define
You.
Failure
Of meeting you
Is
A pain,
Yet
Not
Suffering
These wings flap ahead
As
A view of
You
Zooming in and out
Giving a clue.
This love
Travels deeper
To a secret chamber
Where the gate
Finally finds the end.
Everything looks like you.
Everywhere locates you.
Every time shows you.
Hey, you!
Is it
You?
—-
⛩
Good start, Beloved,
Morning with a good picture
Of love on a plate—
—-
Let’s start Saturday with good intension, to experience the day with no pretension.
Weekend is always good with books, brushes and kitchen. Hey, don’t forget the umbrella!
☔️
Cut this, he said.
Nope! These fruits don’t need slicing,
Not for fine dining.
—-
I miss places where eating fruit is the combination of hard work and excitement. At very young age, some rascal friends and I would just pluck some fruits from the trees —our parents called it stealing and lectured us for weeks, we called it adventure— then eat them just like that. We even peeled sugarcane with our teeth like powerful fighters. 😎
I’m blessed to experience that prime time. Trust me it sounds rather uncivilised but that’s what has made my generation more humane than my niece and nephew’s generation that has to use knife to enjoy the helpless berries. 😀
Happy weekend!
🥳
Sunset, Beloved,
Serene pretty end of day
To be in your lap—
—-
I’ve limited contact with human beings for the past 2 years either due to the blessed pandemic or my own will. It feels good to seclude myself: doing what’s sweet and enriching, talking only to those encouraging and infusing positive vibes, working with all heart and soul.
Only calls from colleagues and family are those I’ve picked. Very very limited number of friends have been the preferred channels. The rest is next layers, not priority.
Only 6 people have been my favourite for the past one year — they are the easiest to laugh things with; at the same time the most serious to discuss crazy things with. We can talk about how stupid we are especially when in love 🤮 up to how we are afraid of dying ugly and in debt 😑
My mom and 2 older friends are kind of those I would respectfully listen with a twist – hey sometimes my ears are itchy too… My youngest brother and 2 same age friends are whom I impatiently argue with and patiently listen to each other. They are the definition of best friends of mine.
Thanks for becoming my sunrise, sunstroke and sunset. Beautiful friendship is about acceptance and trust! 💝
Alfatihah for you all my best people
Human, Beloved,
Bruised and scarred, laughter and cry.
Perfect? Humane not—
—
Nowhere to run from mistakes and errors. The best way is forgiving the self for making (too many) repeated irresponsible decisions and moving right on. Don’t add too many fatal moves; this life has its right to be happy, too.
Nowhere. It is just here and now. Tomorrow might be an elegy.
💝
rike jokanan 
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