graphs of my Universe
What's best, Beloved?
The one assigned to you now.
It's one and for all.
she is not the best mother compared to others, might not even better, but i think she is the best assigned to me
it’s great to talk to my mother now and then; please live healthy and longer, Ibu 😘
Beloved,
It is about whether or not
The path is walked.
Not about prediction,
Not about opinion,
Not about hurting or getting hurt,
Not about giving up,
Not about result.
This journey is
Mine.
The destination is
You.
The end is
Heaven knows.
Today’s dinner
please don’t judge hungry stomach — today was another reading, cooking and eating plus a bit of napping, laundry was missed and will be done tomorrow night after office 😎
this plate is a work of 3-hour labor of an amateur: potato perkedel (potato hash mixed with minced beef), fried rice with corn in Balinese sambal matah & teri kacang (my 1st attempt soooo challenging, too sweet, almost giving up, next time better with different recipe) – yay❣️
i made chicken soup for my own soul and my friend sent me sourdough from her bakery — alhamdulillah….
RAMBUTAN!!! 😍 exotic tropical fruit
It's confusing.
Tell me how
I should love
You.
Is it to shine
As a sun does?
Is it to glow
As a star does?
Is it to reflect
As a moon does?
Is it to pass by
As a comet does?
I'm none of those.
I am now loving
You as the space does,
It is to contain
Your existence,
Embracing what's all
In and about
You.
Tell me how
I should love
You.
RC Gorman’s work of art
My life
Is a drop of dew
That glistens and freshens
The life of a sleepy leaf,
Woken up in a beautiful morning
To greet the sun.
I fall to the tip of a grass leaf
And break
Becoming
Spurt of water, so tiny
Enough to shower less than an inch of dry land
Then come through the soil gently
Finding a way to the earth veins,
Traveling back to the sea.
thank you, life for always making me nod to the simplicity of accepting what is
A book, Beloved
Soaks a soul in clean water.
Washed off and refreshed--
I read a book by Haemin Sunim, Love for Imperfect Things. It is second book from him I’ve read, the first was When Things Don’t Go Your Way. While the latter felt like diving into my own understanding of life– a set of confirmation of what I’ve done and/or understood in life; the currently read is like a playful garden to me, giving me more space to reinterpret my life based on Haemin Sunim’s point of view.
I’ve stopped reading “heavy books”, those that make me more intelligent with bunches of upgraded sciences and knowledge, more critical towards others’ (different from me), more analytical around my folks (outside work), more rigid in forgiving those “making mistakes”. I am now trying to dull the knife in my mind, I’d love to have curvy corners that will just give slight sensation without wound when bumping or bumped by my fellow human beings.
💕
Yes, I am now a weak book reader, but I am an avid reader of my own heart and life.
This book reminds me that I should be bonding myself to an anchor called compassion in life so whatever happens to or around me, it is always love and kindness that become my basis of judgement and decision.
thank you, Haemin Sunim — how grateful i am to have read this book
Most books I am now attracted to are fiction, short books, those illustrated, colourful, with picture collection. I read some biography but only of my favourite people (now reading Alan Rickman’s).
Not a fan of “self help” books either as I don’t need to be helped, just need to sit together with a company to listen and to be listened to.
every chapter is as powerful as decades of dripping water that forms a smooth hole on a rock 💕
thanks to my favourite person for recommending this book; i wish to see you soon 💕
Continuing reading Haemin Sunim’s next book–
If I'm to follow,
It's only to follow you.
Do you mind me to?
the sun, sunflower and a weekend
Roses,
You are bright
As bright as her eyes
When finding the way
And she's relieved.
Roses,
You are shiny
As shiny as her hair
When reflecting the sunray
And she's radiant.
Roses,
You are prickly
As prickly as her mood
When getting hurt
And she's fiery.
Roses,
You are wild
As wild as her rage
When becoming uncontroled
And she's sorry.
Roses,
You are quiet
As quiet as her composure
When realising the truth
And she's calm.
Roses,
You are muted
As muted as her body
When taking a rest
And she's refreshed.
Roses,
You can be everything
As complete as her existence
When getting enlightened
And she's humbled.
everytime in-room dining is served, a stem of rose in a vase will accompany the food
once done, the tray will be taken back and i ask for permission to put the rose in the vase in the room
and at the end of my stay there will be roses as many as how many times i choose to dine in the room than to go out (recently being evening lazed mode on)
Tongue tied, Beloved
Seeing you're celebrating.
Wishing you from here!
a north star is where you find an answer
She's calmed, Beloved,
By evening breeze and shade.
Simple as breathing--
i’m back to my preferred hotel, not the hotel on the lake; this is Hoan Kiem lake where i love to just sit on a bench by the lake for a while before going back to hotel for dinner or having coffee or dessert
should i or should i not?
I wish I know
You better
So there won't be useless tears falling to long for
You.
I wish to meet
You now
So there won't be useless words
Uttered in secret for
You.
I wish to be with
You, too
So there won't be useless thought dancing restlessly for
You.
But I won't force to be with
You soon
As the timing is predestined by and arranged for
You.
counting my falling hair before finally meeting you
💕
Everything, dear self
Has its own time, no delay.
There is never doubt.
when my doubt is unbearable, i will open the Quran and ask to be given one answer to my doubt — after some short meditative moment; i will randomly open a page and the first part that i see or point with my forefinger, i will simply take it as the answer
and this is the most recent one when i asked about doubt “…. and He has appointed a term in which there is no doubt.”
it might be a coincidence that the “no doubt” appeared to me when i asked about doubt
it is not a scientific process to make a decision, but i choose to believe it because i don’t want to lose the ability to rely on intuition in time when logic cannot help
it takes practices and acceptance to embrace this simple (speculative) way of making decision, and it takes humility (for a logical person like me) to humbly believe
thank you, Gusti 💕
Pondering where this tiny love story means,
Counting breathing through hope in highs and lows.
In I breath fragrance of rose, out jasmine.
How beautiful! No one but a key knows.
The breeze sometimes softly shakes the heartbeat.
The river flows tampering a quiet mind.
The fire ignites a heart that longs to meet.
Under the drizzle the sun warmly shines.
Beloved, is it you she's waiting for?
Is it her you're letting in your grand throne?
The cloud hanging disguises sweet flavor,
Or the flavor is love and love alone?
Love is beautiful with cloudy sweet dream.
If time allows, rain stops, be shown sunbeam.
there’s a girl within falling in love, a woman without daydreaming of love
be real, woman! the girl is as true as your love itself
never doubt your heart; trust your life
Seems that the “Kiai Semar” piggy bank in my instastory has drawn hidden attention. My friend sent me a picture of ancient piggy bank saying “Are you still saving in celengan, don’t you have a bank account? Why so traditional?”
Arrgh! Should I tell people I save in the bank? It is something common to save in the bank because I need debit card to do all my financial thingy every now and then. How can I shop without debit card? And they think my debit card will just get impregnated with money without me feeding it? I am saving in the bank, my dear.
When said by a close friend in a normal situation, it feels ok. When said by a distant friend who has a rather unpleasant history, it feels rather ouch!
Anyway celengan (Javanese) is apiggy bank, a traditional container to save money.
What does celengan literally mean? Celengan is a Javanese word formed by celeng and -an. Celeng means boar or wild boar, –an is a suffix to form a word to be a Noun. Celeng itself is a Noun, celengan is a Noun to change the word celeng into another Noun with slightly different meaning. While celeng is wild boar, celengan means toy wild boar or a container in a wild boar form.
Why wild boar or celeng? As we know boar or wild boar is a family of pig. Maybe because pig is a symbol of luck, prosperity, wealth so people hope that by saving in a container formed like a wild boar they can be lucky and wealthy. I don’t think it is an original Javanese culture as Javanese didn’t originally raise it in the neighborhood. They got wild boar by hunting — remember the word “wild”. This might come from a culture where pig was domesticated and so became close to human beings’ daily activities.
By the time piggy bank is not in a form of pig or wild boar anymore. It can be in a form of chicken, frog, jar, etc including the Kiai Semar (a wayang character) that I bought in Kasongan, Yogyakarta. And the material can be from plastic, wood; while the original is terracotta.
Why am I ranting so long?
Sometimes liking it or not, I feel one word from one person can ruin my day in silence. It doesn’t matter, life is just like that. Why making that person so important that I get hurt by just random words from one? Forget it.
Thanks, celengan for making me even more relaxed after digging in the Japanese cuisine.
Weekend is here.
Please bless me with good time. Amen.
Have a good weekend!
ancient terracotta piggy bank for me
i wish to have a big one filled with gold — and some people will say “are you a gold digger?”
damn! if i am a gold digger, i won’t be here, i will have been in Japan married to the only son of a president of a company 😎
Relax, Beloved,
There's a place for victory
Other than fighting.
finding that Sunday evening i will be away, i changed my Japanese food craving to today, tomorrow will be my packing day for next two trips, reading and chasing wind
Friday’s message: just relaxxx and eat crabbb!
Read to me, dear heart
The fairytales about you
So I can sleep well.
not an easy ones to finish before end of 2024 🤪
night….
I asked myself about
Falling in love.
My brain said
Falling in love is scary.
I could not concentrate,
I dropped what I carried,
These tears came down miserably,
Dizzy, oh dizzy!
My heart said
Falling in love is beautiful.
I could imagine what was best,
I shared what I carried,
These tears came down happily,
Pretty, oh pretty!
My soul said
Falling in love is magical.
I could think beyond what was,
I multiplied what I carried to share,
These tears came down with no reason,
Willingly, oh willingly!
Someone said
Falling in love is inevitable.
It filled me when I was hungry,
It emptied me when I was full,
Do, just do
However dizzy or pretty, do it only willingly!
I checked who was the last speaker:
Damn! My stomach was smiling in glee.
scary, beautiful, magical and inevitable
She's simply composed,
Not even shaken by storm.
Rooted to the earth--
My intuition works wonder when it comes to family esp mother, as if knowing when something wrong happens even no one informs me.
Yesterday I contacted my sister saying that mother might not be good. She said mother was ok and sleeping.
My gut said different. I contacted my cousin saying the same thing and she said “Yes, she fell and injured a bit on her chin and left hands.”
I happened to know later that my mother didn’t allow my sister to tell me about the incident.
I tried to digest the “lie” although the feeling inside was a mix of anger, disappointment, sadness, left behind at the same time relief that she was now ok.
This morning after a long meeting I called my mother. I really wanted to give her some “lecture” that she should be careful, should not do this or that and should let me know whatsoever happens to her. But I detered myself from doing so.
I know what I would say is something true but don’t want to hurt her motherly affectionate decision. I chose to accept her reason of not informing me: so my child can work with light heart.
My mother is one of the mentally strongest women I’ve known in life. None of people knowing her will say otherwise.
Once I joked around with her “Ibu, please pray that I don’t have to be as strong as you in life as when I’m as strong as you, it means I will have one most challenging of human life.”
She said “You can be stronger than me but don’t need to experience what I have in life. Trust your life.”
Yes, I do trust life will protect me from the harms.
I love you, Ibu. Thank you.
💕
Do you know that the road I've taken is not what I wanted?
And do you know that this is the best I've experienced?
Yes, you know.
Thank you.
Yours truly,
One humble traveler breathing your blessings
I'm a room
Overflown with blessings.
Some visible,
Some unseen,
All undeniable--
this is where water, soil, air and fire show their potential in harmony, no collision
What am I
Without teacher?
A lost wanderer
Losing destination.
What am I
Without teacher?
A confused traveler
Losing guidance
What am I
Without teacher?
A dreamer
Losing inspiration.
What am I
Without teacher?
A human
Losing meaning.
What am I
Without teacher?
A Soul
Repeating the same mistakes.
Dear
Teacher,
You are born
For me
To be reborn
As me.
I'm grateful to
You.
Today’s lunch break was about a phenomenal chat with some teachers of life.
Thousands if not millions of teachers have taught me in life. There are some that I cherish the most today, those that have triggered me to make biggest decisions in life.
Thank you, dear teachers❣️
Bapak Merta Ada, he was the one teaching me to go within without doubt, without limit – “spread love and compassion”, his advice 🥹
Sister Zak, my Arabic teacher — she emphasised that what we read needs to be well understood first then pondered then can be interpreted (differently) — “be a responsible interpreter of the Quran for yourself, no one to blame when you make wrong interpretation or decision“, her advice
Aaron Cass, my mentor in Beshara School who helped me open most doors of freedom of responsibly being human through his amazing knowledge and wisdom about sufism and esp about Ibn Arabi & Rumi — “from now on whatever you do differently, never make it a new religion”, his advice
Ina, a best friend from high school whose action moved my soul: she left her brilliant career (at the same time I started mine in Singapore) without new career to take care of her parents for her sense of responsibility; she took care of her mother until she passed away, now she is taking care of her father; Ina, you are beautifully blessed — “let’s exchange stupid memes and videos”, her message
dear Ibu, i won’t let anyone hurt you — “work responsibly and take care”, her every morning’s advice
Vito, my dear nephew, “i will always love you and protect you forever”, his last message before he passed
the fire warden in the mirror, “have you smiled today?” my greeting to myself
Dear Sunflowers,
Teach me how to be so strong
To face the sun.
She said
"I'm just following
My nature. I'm dead
Without the sun."
RC Gorman’s work of art
Please keep me in
Your heart
Yours only, where
I stay with those
You love the most, where
You keep all what's private.
In a crowd of stars
I can only see
You, who will never
Remove my favourite sparks:
The bright true blue--
Please keep me in
Your heart
Yours only, where
Soul looks out to the world.
In there wherever you are,
Just peace now here--
In a darkest night
I can only see
You, who will never
Let me travel alone as
I'm your satellite.
RC Gorman’s work of art
Found a dearest good friend wrote a touching message in Instagram this evening and would love to keep it here — only in Bahasa Indonesia though
My translation into English might never be good enough to contain how compassionate her message is. You might want to translate with Google.
Note: it is a verbatim text
❣️
bertahun lalu, ketika berkesempatan mengunjungi ka’bah, aku duduk menatapnya lalu berucap: “tuhan, tunjukkan aku cara membaca (iqra) alquran. karean aku tidak percaya tuhan mana pengasih maha penyayang se-strict itu.” aku mengacu ke penekanan pada dosa dan neraka yang kerap diangkat.
sejak itu—atau sebenarnya jauh sebelumnya, aku percaya tuhan terus menjawab permintaanku: hidupku adalah tanggapan tak putus dari tuhan atas permintaan itu. dia menunjukkan betapa dia maha pengasih, maha penyayang dan nama-nama lain yang terlingkupi oleh rahman dan rahim.
aku dipertemukan dengan manusia dan makhluk lain (kucing misalnya) yang menunjukkan ragam bentuk kasih sayang, diperjalankan melalui peristiwa-peristiwa yang membantu melembutkan hati—atau menunjukkan di bagian mana hatïku masih perlu dilembutkan; dan dititipkan pada sekolah-sekolah yang secara gamblang membimbingku untuk lebih berwelas asih, berserah, dan merayakan hidup dan keagungannya.
manusia sejatinya bisa berjalan sesuai fatwa hatinya; bisa tergerakkan oleh arahan jiwa (spirit)-nya; bisa hidup dengan lebih jujur minimal kepada diri sendiri. utopis? atau bisa jadi pemikiran bahwa hal ini utopis telah membatasi kita?
banyak yang ingin kuceritakan. bukan untuk mengajarkan, karena siapalah aku ini. namun, lebih ke berbagi. siapa tahu ada yang mengetuk hatimu, lalu kau mengetuk hatiku kembali. Sama-sama kita belajar menjadi manusia.
ingin bercerita, tetapi belum tahu bagaimana. kutaruh tulisan ini di sini sebagai langkah awal. atau, mungkin, kau punya cerita, kegelisahan, pertanyaan, atau ide yang bisa melanjutkkan pembicaraan ini?
terima kasih.
❣️
Thank you, dear friend. You’ve touched my heart many times, I hope I’ve at least once done as good as you.
Thanks for making room for me. Always.
Salaam.
Lend me ears, my love
To listen to the silence
That whispers your songs.
RC Gorman’s
earrings are to me not only accessories, they are an agreement that i am ready to hear some news 💕 earrings i wear amplify important messages to me
How heavy is jar?
As heavy as what is forced,
Light as what is poured--
RC Gorman’s work of art
today i learnt that one typical problem can be heavy or light for the same person in different situations; or for different people at the same situation — it is always about how we carry the life
dear self, do you force it or do you let it flow?
If heaven is waiting,
Let it be this land,
A home in
A beautiful house between
Mountains and beaches at
The south edge.
If rebirth is scheduled,
Let me be reborn here,
A place where
Sun paints skin tones,
Rain showers naked hair,
Earth hugs stories.
If hell is a transit,
I wholeheartedly let
You call me everyday
Telling me to work hard
And cry gratitudes
For meeting
You again.
when you finally accept who you are, nothing is between you and yourself
thank you for making me me
my dzikr will be alhamdulillah
Who's a knight who shoots?
Archer who knows the bull's eye
And bow and arrow--
Satria manah (satrio manah) is a Javanese phrase formed by two words:
1. Satria or satrio that means a knight,
2. Manah that is derived from the word panah (archery in Javanese). Panah (Noun) is changed to manah (Verb)
As name of batik pattern should be incorporated with wisdom, the interpretation can be built with some exaggeration or maybe slightly drammatical structure. And so, satria manah is not simply a knight who shoots anything but it is intrepreted as a knight who shoots accurately at the heart of a lady.
Life of a wise can be as light as shooting a heart; yet as hard as shooting at the right spot so that it won’t hurt the heart; it even will make the lady fall in love harder with the knight.
Is that even possible?
I don’t know. Not a knight, am not a wise knight. A lady, am the lady whose heart should be shot by a wise knight. 😁
Another fun fact this batik is usually worn by the groom-to-be’s parents when they are officially proposing the bride-to-be in front of her family. The groom-to-be may also wear this batik when he is with his parents during the marriage proposal. Unofficially? the man can propose the woman personally before introducing to each other’s family.
What batik should be worn by the bride-to-be in the marriage proposal? It is batik semen rante. What is that? I will talk about it next year when the semen rante is ready to ship to me by Mbak Izzah. ☺️
This batik has given me a light heart and a good laugh after a long day.
Have a good weekend!
the batik that is ready for delivery
close up of batik Satria Manah
This life is written
Along a ribbon coiling
Around a live book.
weekend is to read what’s written as weekdays is to write what’s read
i’m a book with cover, title, table of content, chapters, and an end; and i’m craving to know about its precious author among all readers
These wings bring me everywhere
And also home.
These wings bring me adventure
And also joy.
What have your wings brought you?
finally home
it’s amazing to fly home
the peak of a mountain under my wings
the sky full of cotton under my wings
turning right with spreading wings
the sun under left wing
Uud, our friendship is all yellow — thank you
innalillaahi wa innaa ilaihi rajiun
good bye….. no discussion will be as lively as ours from now on
rike jokanan 
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