Hatred, Beloved
Never a choice; it is love—
Once got hurt then lost.
(haiku at lunch break)
——

osho, the king in shogi (Japanese chess)
About shogi the Japanese chess
graphs of my Universe
Hatred, Beloved
Never a choice; it is love—
Once got hurt then lost.
(haiku at lunch break)
——

osho, the king in shogi (Japanese chess)
About shogi the Japanese chess
A pair of strong wings
Bring me to a land of thoughts
Where hope shines the light.
——

landed home after burying hope to grow with flowers and spreading love with billowing incense smoke
The spell of friendship
Is not F R I E N D S H I P.
To spell friendship
Is to put some magical words
To a bond
So it lasts forever
In love.
My friends put a spell on me.
I put a spell on them.
We put a spell on each other
To stay together
Gleaming like stars
In a cluster
Or in different ones blinking to each other.
How beautiful friendship is
When bonded with genuine drops
Of souls
And
Adorned with true colours
Of hearts.
How real friendship is
When soul and heart
Are sprinkled on to
A life that hopes
And loves.
——

this book of friendship — no where to find in souvenir shop but found in the heart of friends

fun and true and real and genuine 💕 friendship with my beloved nephews
A rope might help
To travel to the other side,
Yet it might be not.
Being in the other side
Is not always wise
As a wise is
That that means
Decision for the right.
Right time
Right place
Right person
That might be
Not right:
Not always right amount
Not always right distance
Not always right calculation.
This rope is right
Only when it is about
Knowing that pulling or releasing
Are both hurting
Right where and when it is decided to.

this?

this one is wiser for now 💕
might not be the right one, yet being relaxed and easy is sometimes the right one for now — i just don’t want to think too much; wisdom is not always hard 💕
Vito and Ocka in fun flash rehearsal in the costume storage room 😁😘
💕
his life was about fun and memory about him should be about fun, too
In a prayer
Millions of pearls
Are dangling
In a line of blessings
Letting go off
What is called
Attachment,
Co-dependency,
And ignorance.
When darkness traps
What is called hope,
It is love
That keeps it sparked
And sparkling
Before it is free,
Traveling light
On a beautiful orbit.
——

my boy, I commit to celebrate your life and dreams instead — be always in our heart; you are so much loved, you are always remembered 💕
alfatihaah 💕
Time flies
Space shrinks
Moment signifies
Does it even matter?
You farewelled
Sweetly to all,
Yet no one knew
Until you departed.
This selfish self
Has learnt selflessness
That it is about forgiving regrets
And escorting you to the grand gate.
We weeped heavy tears,
You’ve left long love trails.
We thought we loved you,
You’ve ignored our selfish wails.
You smiled at the long line
That witnessed your selfless joy.
We smiled to you, thanking life
For giving privilege of having that boy.
Thank you
For magically turning us
From egoistical arrogance
To considerate beings.
Thank you,
My dear boy.
——
Gathering after his funeral, most of us shared about our experiences with him in his life time. Most of stories were his witty strength, social awareness and artistic talents. Many were also about how much he ate — he was not a picky eater.
Yet some kept saying “I can’t stop crying”, “I was one of those giving him last sacred bath”, “I trembled one night before he passed away”, “Why did you leave me?”, “I am so lonely without him around”, blahblahblah of all expressions showing how people experience you. Great self you are!
Yet does it matter? We mostly are all regretting what we didn’t do what we should have done with and to you. We mostly have difficult time to forgive ourselves for not doing so with and to you.
It is about you — all the administration and ceremonies. Yet at the end it is about forgiving ourselves from what we have regretted and about accepting that you are not physically around anymore.
You? Vito, you pass this cycle and enjoy the happiness beyond our joy!
My tears will dry; yet my love will keep flowing to you.
💕
Salaam.

we’ll continue striving for what you’ve always dreamt of — loving family and wise fun personality!
people said it is the longest line of funeral procession for a young man of an ordinary family — everyone said it is because of your true and selfless self
As pink
As rose
My heart
Chants you
Forever
As love
That throbs
Through blood
And tears
And breath
And words
In heart
And body
And mind
And spirit
And soul

you might not like pink rose but this is the most beautiful petals with which i can sprinkle with the least tears for your no-turn-back journey 💕
our last Bali tour with Ocka was our most testing trip — the rain and storm and damn how would you stop driving every three hours and said “Mbak, i am hungry i can die driving” 😁
our love is about laughter and wit ♥️
my broken heart in romance has turned to a minuscule particle compared to my broken heart of losing my beloved nephew
My tears will dry
But my love will keep flowing
Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me.

💕
you were young yet always the one giving me wise words to keep being my own self — you were right “you are alone but never lonely, look at your poems, all struck me with fire to stay strong!”
you were poorer than me yet always the one telling me to keep positive yet humble
you were as fun as my soul won’t be yet you are a soul as wise as my wisdom can’t be
what about our next trips that must be cancelled? you just walk and leave me a beautiful gaping hole in my heart
we love you with or without words, we lose you with or without tears
I LOVE YOU AND WE’LL MEET AGAIN IN A BETTER PLACE AND TIME
I won’t, Beloved
Take you from what completes you.
Your here now is that, not this.
This garden with lemongrass
Is my here and now I love.
——

Ibu sent me this picture that she took by herself after forever saying “I can’t take good pictures like you, don’t ask me any” — 3 slices of some cake I bought online (sold through Twitter) and delivered directly to her ♥️
she said “thank you for the ‘spikoek’, it is amazingly yummy”
my mother’s love is so huge that i don’t realise like seeing a sheet of paper from 1 millimeter away 💕

i am enough with a few humble friends that truly understand me so i won’t anymore beg friendship from that not even wanting to know who i am 😁
This heart blooms and blooms
Leaving quiet budding season,
Emerging from mud.
——
One of my friends complained why all my poems are about love, like I am either falling in love or broken hearted day by day.
After some time of chat and juice against wine glasses that friend answered one’s own question.
“Ya! Life is about loving: smoothly or broken-heartedly. Now I know what you mean. I thought all were about romance! Ahhh!”
I tried a sip of wine from that friend’s glass.
“You’ll get drunk more at home and write more love poems!” Said that friend laughing.
“Yes, I won’t give up this love whatever interpretation is thrown about me to me. I am thankful enough to have very few true friends who understand.”
Salaam.

true love is too tasteless for those weighing it with money; yet too complex for those weighing it with faith — for those not knowing the true secrets behind words, love is just a marriage between distrust and fear hidden in sparkling plastic 🙃 i know love is still beautiful whether it is well understood or misunderstood 💕
I’m high
Of thinking of
You that hums and chants
Nature of love
Spraying peace
Around my orbit.
I’m high
Of rotating on my own self,
And revolving around
You.
——

not so high a stack but it took three hours to do so — yes, i’m slow Iron Woman 😁
In a bottle of perfume
You are the heart note.
In a cup of coffee
You are the acidity.
In a full course meal
You are the entree.
In a life of a human
You are the love.
——

stronger with YOU
Love is not leaving.
Kernel then seedling then tree;
Stays yet multiplies—
——
After some journey and some work finally dinner was here now and it was an unforgettable one.
This long dragged day is nothing compared to today’s dinner. A dinner accompanied by a poem.
Yes my life is full of flower.
Thanks for the blessings!
Salaam.
♥️

sure it is about flowers — thanks much! i feel a tiny love bouncing and getting bigger and bigger in my heart when eating

they put it under my green tea; what a sweet creativity this restaurant demonstrates — will never forget this!
This head, Beloved
Is full of colours
That suck all memories
To an abandoned landfill
Where poems dance in joy
Recycling precious moments
Into glowing beads
Jingling around a neck,
Chuckling on millions of love wishes
That scatter on a table.
——

yeah! this is one busiest corner of my head everyday! messy yet full of love 💕😀
Walking the aisle
Two smiling earthlings can’t stop waving hands
To us
Who wonder
“They were toddlers we hugged,
Now they read solemn vow?”
It is a happy day
When we pray, laugh and eat together
Witnessing happiness that proceeds.
——

Matt, my best friend’s youngest son is getting married today! Matt and Cheer, Tante Rike happy for you 😘😘😘 send me all our pictures ♥️

cheering with groom’s mama after eating 😂 day is good with those looking forward to bright days ♥️
There’s a crook
I can’t understand.
It is when I saw
You in silence
And said in heart
“I find no reason in
You for me to love but
What is this emotion?”
There’s another
I can understand.
It is when I felt
A warm summer
And said in heart
“There’s enough reason to love
You in silence
That forever blooms.”
No reason is needed to love
For love is blind.
Yet there’s reason to keep the love
For love is the only kind.
It’s time
When it’s time.
——
my orchids after one week left home alone

welcome! my orchids have taught me that flowers bloom when it’s time; not to be seen, not to be picked, not to be admired; they’re blooming simply to bloom — there’s only one reason to understand: it’s time

what is her ID? unknown and still beautifully blooming

with a line of my white shirts hanging as the background, this oncidium is gonna be yellow

another stem of oncidium waiting for its timing to greet me with yellow

dendrobium peeps again — thank you

dendrobium from the same cluster in the same pot that keeps greeting me with health and happiness
You’re my best omiyage
From wherever Nihon
I visit.
You’re my desperate love songs
I sing
From wherever corner of the world
I sit.
You’re my sweet mystery
That I can never solve.
Why
Oh why,
Dear
Omiyage?
I present
You to only
Those that I love.
Wrapped in white
Ribboned in red
Wished in indigo
Dear
Omiyage
——
Japanese omiyage is the same tradition of Javanese oleh-oleh in which local souvenirs are brought for others after traveling to a specific place or simply when visiting. So it is not just random souvenirs, omiyage or oleh-oleh is a token of experience sharing and caring friendship from someone to someone else.
A sweet gesture that will be perfect when done with sincerity and mindfulness—
Salaam.

Niigata rice, the best omiyage for good friends this time — humble ladies, see you tomorrow 🙏🏼
About omiyage
With no white towel
I surrender
To the realm that hugs this heart.
I am water flowing
With no effort
To the ocean that waits for this mind.
How would this name
Say no to a call that sings love songs?
I submit everything
With a smile
And grace.
Body, mind, spirit and soul—
-
Jun 10, 2023
when the air taps my whole reality
with everything subtle and overwhelming
——

please excuse my strong arms 😀
after the Tapa Brata my classmates and I are still escorted to meditate everyday of 60 minutes for 90 days
it should be 36th day today but i only have 33 days in which i am able to do full meditation — in fact my doctor was quite surprised that unbelievable progress is indicated in better numbers from the laboratory test result after i meditate regularly — happy tears 🥹
my health is much better with calmness that is on track and harmonious thought that builds gradually
i’ve registered to next level Tapa Brata next Sep so i can get more benefits to help certain issues in this beloved aging body and to strengthen my mind
can’t wait to meet with the wise teachers who guide us and humble caretakers who help us with daily needs in Forest Island 🥰
i don’t know for sure what i can share from my achievement through meditation yet maybe someday i can help others reduce health complaints at low cost — i’ve always wanted to cure diseases with fragrance and herbs; my high intelligent friends said “pseudoscience, a crap wrapped in fancy paper”, i said “it doesn’t matter at least i can help them feel calmer and think positive”
all what happen in my life are like magic both the unexpected and expected — i hope my meditation brings more good magical celebrations to me and my beloved family and friends
and all…
May All Beings Be Happy
💕
What’s romance, my love?
Is roses stay in the branch
With no disturbance.
They’re unpicked until falling
Gracefully kissing the earth.
——

Yogyakarta is one of the most romantic cities on earth, where life is automatically slowing down and love can be felt sweeter, simpler and longer; my friends said “the most romantic or the cheapest?” i said cheerfully “i love cheap things that make me happy including cheap friends, people with high maintenance cost please go away” 😄

one serene night in Stasiun Tugu
How’s life, dear pearls of friendship?
Your shadow flashed in the tips of these eyes
All of a sudden.
I wish you all good heart
That shines
Through the orbits
Of all friendly comets
That travel the universe
Bringing verses
About love and friendship
That last forever
With the expanding universe.
You are truly loved
And missed….
——

Brisbane 2017 with Mbak Wien, my friend back in uni the only person able to make me sit in a club for almost 5 hours in a riverbank of a Brisbane river (not sure what river it was though), yet she was not successful to make me drink but jugs of orange juice
a loving daughter and sister, a wife of a kind man, a mother of 2 brilliant boys, a rather crazy friend
when will i see you again? maybe some day when i’m back to down under
God bless you 💝 and all my dear friends 💝
There are star clusters
Glowing in the horizon
Sending messages.
——
From Yogyakarta I brought home a pair of batik grompol sheets which I ordered 6 months ago. Happy I must be!
Grompol is a Yogyakartan special classical batik pattern. No other regions can claim otherwise.

Let’s talk about batik grompol today.
Disclaimer: 1) while the primary interpretation is based on what I learnt from the masters; many of it is my own thought based on what I understand on symbols and signs of Javanese, Islam and Hinduism that intertwined in my upbringing. So please be critical. 2) too much information, too little time for me to summarise. Please expect disconnected ideas, connect them by yourselves.
Grompol batik pattern is a sub-category of ceplok pattern in which one geometry pattern is clustered (squares, triangle, circle, lines, etc). In Javanese language ceplok literally means clustering, grouping, gathering based on the same characteristics or criteria (size, colour, shape, pattern, lines, etc). So hypothetically ceplok pattern is always about gathering, uniting, getting together.
Grompol pattern is characterised through the clustering of of 4-petal flower, a flower pistil in the middle, a seed with 4 couples of 3-ceceg and 5-ceceg (ceceg is a terminology used to describe dots in batik pattern) and “wrapped” by a square with 8 points that almost looks like octagram.
Flower
4-petal flower is a symbol of fertile or healthy life. The 4 petals of the flower can be related to four points of the compass: east, west, north and south.
Flower pistil symbolises the centre of life, potential growth in human being. It can also represent the sun, the soul, the heart as centres of discourses to be applied based on contexts.
Flower which is the beauty before fruition is representing an expectation that human being should optimise their state of beauty which in Javanese almost always refers to the developed wisdom in human being manifested as kindness to fellow creature on earth before one dies.
Seed
A round seed surrounded by 4 couples of 3-ceceg and 5-ceceg symbolises seed of life that should be well protected from all directions.
The seed can be interpreted the same as the flower pistil in the middle of a flower. It is generated from the pistil fertilised by the pollens. It is the centre of life, potential growth in human being. It can also represent the sun, the soul, the heart as centres of discourses to be applied based on contexts.
The round shape of the seed indicates the completeness, thoroughness, integration, centredness, perfection, full cycle.
Ceceg is one type of isen (ornament in empty spaces among primary patterns of batik) in batik. Isen is more popular in Central Java than other regions, isen can be in the form of dots or lines or the combination of both repeatedly put in the intended empty spaces without changing the primary pattern, even there is an intension for isen to highlight the primary patterns.
3-ceceg can be interpreted as Trimurti, the three balancing power of Brahma, Wisnu and Siwa (Siva) which are the 3 powerful powers of creation of the universe, preservation of the universe and destruction of the universe.
5-ceceg can be interpreted as 5 types of self regulation: knowing one’s own identity and personality, connecting to inner self, managing the humane desires, living through good sources of life (no corruption, sharing to the needy) and self reflection through traveling or pilgrimage. A human being is expected to continuously strive for perfection of these five without expecting the perfection to happen.
Points of the Compass
Octagram represents 8. Number 8 in Javanese wisdom is about welfare and authority. Number 8 also represents 8 gods guarding the 4 points of the compass in which 1 direction is guarded by 2 gods of specific authority. The compass itself has 9 points – 1 the centre, 8 the directing points.
The 1 point in the middle is sat by Siwa. 8 points are sat by other gods based on what they manage in the natural realm. Those 9 (1+8) are called Dewata Nawa Sanga (nine guardian gods) in Balinese and Javanese culture. Those 8 are wellknown as Asta Dikplaka (eight gods of 8 directions).
Number 1, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9
Like in other cultures, Javanese gives significant role to numbers in their game of meaning.

Summary
That it is a ceplok type signifies the clustering, gathering, integrating of certain characters. So this batik is message and prayer for uniting of between or among family members. It is also a message and prayer of integration of human being internal wisdom – a state of maturity. Batik grompol is often worn by bride and groom in their wedding day due to its very sacred meaning of ultimate protection and potential growth through a gathering.
The uniting or integration should be based on clarity of wisdom and protection. It is the wisdom personally and culturally harvested and nurtured. The beholder, owner, wearer of batik grompol is expected to realise that this pattern is a message and a prayer that they are well protected at the same time expected to extend the given protection to all directions as the gods of all points of compass spread their protection to the universe.
The pistil of the flower as the potential growth in human being put as a compass centre in human being life can be interpreted that human being integrated wisdom has as strong power as Siwa who is sitting at the centre of the compass/chakra. Although described as destroying god, Siwa is actually symbol of re-creating, re-cycling. His being sat in the centre of a chakra (wheel, cycle) is significantly describing him as recreation/recycling agent who then distributes the re-created/re-cycled material to different function around him to be re-governed wisely by “different gods” (remember the 8 gods of all directions).
A human being should be able to learn, re-learn and un-learn one’s own life experience and lessons then to better redo or re-process the way one solves problems or to simply treat other creatures.
The round seed means a centred human being who has achieved the understanding of integrity, full cycle of life. It doesn’t mean the human being is flawless; it means the human being is aware of one’s flawedness yet accepting the state of imperfection of being human. And through the acceptance the human being keeps bettering one’s self in treating one’s self, fellow creatures and the nature. This is an everlasting interaction and intertwining between micro cosmos (jagat alit in Javanese language which represents human being) and macro cosmos (jagat gedhe, the universe).
And all in all, a human being shall pray to his God or make one’s self sure that to any direction one is heading to, one is safe and peaceful. Religious human being will live through guidance and protection from God. Spiritual human being will find inner centre in one’s self whatever one calls it and focus on what one is doing in honesty and sincerity. Free thinker will boost one’s self confidence and focus on what one is aiming with integrity.
So batik grompol has helped me understand that all my fellow human beings are essentially doing the same things as what I am doing in my life, just explained through different perspectives; and we are only of different pace and timing.
What a beautiful batik pattern. What a beautiful meaning.

my beautiful grompol batik cloths were born through the golden hands and soul blessed to this beautiful lady, Ibu Tien Wartienah
I started teaching this morning. Overall I’ll be teaching English, soft skills, art and hopefully someday Japanese. I partner with my best friend to establish a free weekend class for the kids and youth in her small library in south area of Yogyakarta. It is a community support that we humbly provide for a better leadership and communication skills of our young generation.
We have very very very limited budget but we commit to help the community not only to welcome but also to design bright future.
Pray for us.
May all beings be happy.

children class this morning — very very basic communication skills of reading, writing, listening, speaking — what a sweet fun session! 💝

these two girls were the youngest students today 💝
…
Passed the crossroad;
Grasses are greener,
Flowers are prettier,
Breeze is thinner,
Morning is fresher,
Day is busier,
Night is calmer,
Birds are happier,
Cicadas are louder,
Fireflies are brighter,
No snake, no crocodile, no tiger.
Passers-by smile at each other
With neither pride nor prejudice.
End is farther,
It doesn’t matter.
It’s a low key path
After a detour from a glowing avenue.
She is humming the softest beauty with light breathing while celebrating the richness of abundant blessings.
No other ways are nicer.
——

Campuhan Ridge Walk 🥰
Looking forward to singing along with my favourite singers in Jazz Gunung Bromo soon!
Can’t wait! Can’t wait!
💝
not easy to fall in love, will not give love up easily either — life is too precious to hate even those who hate or disrespect me 💝 yet i do it my way
Dear, oh
Dear….
You came from
Nowhere
Destroying my scores!
No wonder the soundtrack of my stories
Became messy.
Go eat fish,
My sheets won’t suffice your belly.
Cat has no logic,
Only fun.
——

i used to live with a rescue cat, i named him Bob; he was more interested in tearing my paper apart or sitting on my laptop to playing with his toy or sleeping on my bed 💝

Bob in his dream of being my boss 😁 back in 2010
may all beings be happy 🙏🏼
Today I saw magic
Warmly greeted my throbbing head.
“How deep is your love?” Said she.
“To whom?” Asked I.
“Does it matter?” Said she.
And so I was magically charmed
By these heart beats
Chanting a repeated naive rhyme
About how nice I’ve been breathing.
——

only those who know the death is just an inch away can do this wholeheartedly 💝
I’ll live not only 1000 lives,
I’ve lived forever.
I love not only my whole life,
I love everlastingly.
How can I not love the life
Giving me chance to meet you
Again
And
Again
And
Again?
I won’t though beg for another again
If again will end the love
To the now and here.
See you again
In now and here,
Better one
I know not where.
——

the way you treat me will not change my feeling to you; yet will not shorten my distance from you either — love is only for love, never for hatred 💝
Without him I die
and with him’s no better
With or without him
longing’s the same
I found him, finding
what I hadn’t foreseen,
the cure and disease
as equal fevers
His silhouette flares
as we draw near
each other and
burns more proud
The deeper the harmony
the sharper the pain
Measure for measure
as decreed
——
The above is poem excerpted from below book — one that well explains how love consumes good soul. By simply loving life has shown what joy and pain can be perceived as either happiness or unhappiness depending on how deep or how true love is given meaning or taken for granted.
It has taken me quite long journey to finally connect the dots among the manifestation of love, pain, joy, harmony. It takes whole life to refine love and it takes big love to refine life — a vicious circle that keeps the fire burns, light flares and smoke billows bringing hope up to the sky.
“Life is light. Life is true.”
May all beings be happy.
♥️

Tarjuman Al-ashwaq (The Translator of Desires)
As fast as the light
She travels hugging her heart
To where love resides.
——

Prambanan Temple
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