Colouring Days

Colours adorn dayโ€”
Connect it to a mood which
Is the token. Not?

โ€”

Flowers can give positive vibes in the room and even in the house. Working from home takes more effort to stay vibrant as for at least 8 hours some employees wonโ€™t be in โ€œreal contactโ€ with other human beings; online platform canโ€™t fully accommodate the actual need of interaction among human beings.

One of my colleagues in China who has the same interest in flower with me sometimes sends pictures of her todayโ€™s flower display. Last week she sent white peony. She knows I really really really want to have peony, which isnโ€™t available in Singapore.

To some ladies flower is a medicine, curing some disturbed moods.

May all beings be happy.

white peony
red rose three days ago
todayโ€™s displays to choose

Steps for A Journey

Down the hill she walks,
A meadow where the breeze blows.
Steps for a journeyโ€”
Run, Forrest, run! Hosh, hosh!

Law of Tropic

Can leaf be not green,
Beloved? As you wish, Love,
Iโ€™ll send you Autumn.
Donโ€™t send Autumn, Beloved,
Youโ€™ll break the Law of Tropic.

โ€”

pretty Aglaonema, red without Autumn ๐Ÿ’ž

When We Were Young – Adele

How do I love you?
Youโ€™re my movie. Youโ€™re my song.
I memorise you.
You know me not. Read me not.
Flashback through this diary.
mood booster of today

Being Neighbours & Banana

Whatโ€™s being neighbours?
Readily help and share with;
Willing to be, tooโ€”

โ€”

My homebase starts materializing. Yay! It is in Yogyakarta, a small city that is socio-culturally integrated (different ethnic, religion and political groups are well blended), not so crowded and modern (sayonara, Jakarta!), with existing international airport, etc, etc, etc. And one most important thing is good friends are living there.

I always love to be and to have good and reliable neighbour(s). Those good friends will be my neighbours from whom I will get help and support when needed and who are willing to get helps and supports from me. They are not in the same housing complex but still in the same city.

For the past four days my menu has been all about banana. Banana for breakfast. Banana for lunch. Banana for dinner. Banana either cooked or just eaten not cooked. How much ever I felt bored with banana, I had to finish the banana because neighbours confirmed of not liking and wanting banana. Their expressions of โ€œoh that banana?โ€, โ€œbanana hahahaโ€, โ€œummm banana but…โ€ left a tiny puncture on my poverty pride. Maybe next time Iโ€™ll share gold or cash and see if the puncture moves to another point hahaha…

My โ€œactive neighboursโ€ said to me it is not so common to share food with โ€œany neighboursโ€ nowadays. Or, they want to give but they donโ€™t want to accept. Yes, yes, they are so right. I learnt another lesson about this people.

My so called โ€œactive neighboursโ€ nowadays are the cleaning services and security guards with whom I can share food and wishes freely. Hey, hey I never share left over, all food is either cooked by me or packed from stores/restaurants purposefully for them. Respect to all my active neighbours. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ

When I shared the pictures of those cooked banana in the Instagram and how much Iโ€™d love to share the banana (cooked or not cooked) with neighbours, my neighbours-will-be in Yogyakarta gave welcoming comments including they would love to share their cookings too, and that alone has made me confident of moving to that city and hopefully living comfortably there in the (not so near) future.

Sometimes I feel that I donโ€™t belong to this place. Yet I know I have to be here for some time before leaving these things behind and enjoy being a human living side by side with others without other temporary identity; just being me, being human.

I know it will happen, not very soon; but it will happen. Now I am happy with this temporary identity and want to be a good neighbour for anyone who is willing to be my neighbour.

One more thing: Iโ€™ll grow banana in the future homebase and cook the best banana recipe and share it with neighbours there! ๐Ÿ˜‚

May all beings be happy.

second day of cooked banana – the first day was banana cake but not so nice to take picture of, I also took my vitamin with un-cooked banana on those two days ๐Ÿ˜ฉ
third day of banana; aside from this I took my vitamin with un-cooked banana and ate one after the main course at lunch
last batch of banana on fourth day; I also took my vitamin with an un-cooked banana and ate the last one un-cooked and celebrated my freedom from banana! ๐Ÿคฉ

Dream Brings Back Wisdom

Defined with honour,
Integrated in mindset:
Sublime happinessโ€”

Having beautiful dreams everyday for one week is blessings in a row. The best of mine recently was finding so many ruby stones while walking home. When waking up, sense of calmness and relief were present yet at the same time a question of whether happiness was here. In the dream I still had to polish the ruby to shine, but at least those stones were given to me.

A couple of years ago I joined a noble silence in Bali, a one-week-no-gadgets-no-books-no-media-no-talk-just-be-with-yourself-although-living-in-a-dorm-with-other-people-and-be-vegetarian-plus-meditation-almost-the-whole-day. A top luxury for someone like me

Not about the noble silence, but a lot of things came back to me especially on how happiness is perceived by different people with different social, cultural, economical backgrounds.

In that noble silence there attended many different people from all walks of life: someone working in a prominent firm in NYC, fashion designer from Paris with oneโ€™s daughter, a family from Australia, a rich flight attendant of one of the best airline on earth, a rich person naming himself a party animal, a young start up owner who once talked in front of a president of the super power, an entrepreneur from Spain with oneโ€™s daughter, all others I canโ€™t remember who because we practically didnโ€™t introduce each other further. We stared and smiled with each other maybe once for that one week because each was simply busy with oneโ€™s self.

I was surprised that those who appeared so proud and happy and unshakeable finally shared in the closing ceremony how they struggled in life and how the noble silence brought realisation to them โ€” simply by befriending with themselves. We were broken with different reasons: family matters, public cases, friendship, romance, work, trauma, fear of things and so on and so forth.

One more thing, struggling is not about how big the problem is but it is about how something disturbs the state of oneโ€™s clear mind. Nothing is defined too small when it shakes the boat.

I miss another noble silence, one of the biggest luxuries of life.

May all beings be happy.

my humble ruby stone found in a small shop in Kuching

Eloquent Silence

This silence is so eloquent,
But still needs clarification.
What did you just say?
That love is blind?
That love is dumb?
That love is numb?
What did you just say,
Beloved?

Silence weeps bitterly.

Love is candid.
Love is painful.
Love is funny.
Love is simple
As simple as none....
Love isโ€”

Hush!

Donโ€™t trick me with words
Or numbers.
The beauty of silence shouts more loudly than what youโ€™ve uttered.

Bluff with verbs, not adjectives.
Walking hand in hand is more beautiful than telling me beautiful.
Not to be a grammarian, Beloved.
Use the grammar well.

Someday youโ€™ll receive an unwritten book of love with which thousands of poems are softly breathed to survive this pain.

Do you mind whispering an address, Beloved?

This silence is dramatically eloquent but indeed much better than Korean drama.

โ€”

reading grammar book is fun but practicing the grammar is like falling in loveโ€”nervous and excited.

Is Life A…?

An old manโ€™s waiting
For the sun to rise. He moans
At the moon. โ€œDark night,
Pull away. You block me from
Beauty.โ€ โ€” Lifeโ€™s a mentalist.

โ€”

Who is the true beauty? The moon or the sun? Debatable! Itโ€™s a matter of played tricks of layered lightsโ€” light upon light with darkness in between. How would it be not cozy hiding under a cool calm night while patiently welcoming morning? How would it be not fun playing in a warm radiant day while cheerfully welcoming dusk?

Ah…. Why should one be getting old while constantly denying what is….

Salaam….

Loving Like Loving A Song

I want to love you
Like loving a song. It's free,
Everyoneโ€™s happy
Without jealousy, they sing
In joy.... While youโ€™re still mine, Loveโ€”

What a luxury to love someone whoโ€™s been the favorite of many…. Sharing joy in silence….

Like this humble song from me to you…. A Javanese love song whose meaning is deep and joyful; filled with prayer and admiration to the beloved – whoever the beloved is meant by the singer.

Music is a beautiful wire connecting the hearts….

Enjoy.

Carefree Not Car Free

Carefree day, true day;
Away from pressure, good dayโ€”
Sing the song, flutter!

Some days are just so enjoyable even when youโ€™ve got bad things to get rid of from the very head. Why is that?

Perhaps, yes perhaps it is just because some people joyfully make the right click with their own selves.

Salam….

The Blessed Drupadi

Rolled dice, Beloved
Can cheat or give you luck. Choose
When to stop or lose.

Pandhawa Lima (5 brothers of Pandhawa) and the Kurawa (100 = 99 male and 1 female, all born from one time pregnancy), both were since childhood to maturity in a forever competition, rivalry and finally Kurusetra war!

I first read Mahabharata, Baratayudha when I was 10 years old. Comic series by R.A. Kosasih. I bet youโ€™ll like them – unfortunately only in Bahasa Indonesia.

I always interpreted the rivalry between those two clans as a battle between good and evil. That everything happening between them was because Pandhawa wanted to eradicate evil, celebrated the good, wanted to make sure the kingdom was well governed, people were well protected with good welfare. Hmm…. I mean yes it was…. But is that the only angle to picture the stories? What was the cause of the war?

Until one day…. My brain was twisted and started to re-read between the lines. Since then I have agreed with those thinking that what Pandhawa had done was to fight for the right of one beloved woman, Drupadi. In Javanese culture Drupadi was the dear wife of Yudhistira (the oldest of the five) and the sister in law of the four (Bima, Arjuna, Nakula and Sadewa).

Drupadi was harassed by Dursasana in a betting party where Yudhistira let her the ultimate bet after he had spent everything the kingdom had in the game. Yudhistira was a highly respected king yet his weakness was one of them his liking to betting and gambling.

So, the epic war between the good Pandhawa and the evil Kurawa is to show how men respect and defend the women around them.

How would those who have read this epic story canโ€™t see this significant line?!

Iโ€™m blessed to be a woman. And I hope someday Iโ€™ll be with a man who has the dignity to take a side of me when I have no one to defend, has the courage to respect a โ€œweaker creatureโ€ when he has other options not to.

Happy International Womenโ€™s Day

It is not a one-day holiday or celebration, it is an everyday celebration to stay dignified and loving at the same time as a woman.

May all beings be happy.

Drupadi ceramic statue by F. Widayanto

Not My Job

Not my job to preach;
Simply sharing what is sensed.
Donโ€™t get it wrong.

No, no…. If people think what writers write is only about themselves, thatโ€™s not the case. The writers are just like us, human beings who get inspired by everything they sense.

๐Ÿ˜Œ

who bites the donuts – one person or five or how many of them?

Cloudy Window

This loveโ€™s, Love never
Dubious. Itโ€™s the window
Clouded with questions.

Had a weekend call with one of my best friends and always ended up with haha hihi and hehe…. Joyful and fun! Yet love is always a-must topic. And todayโ€™s loveโ€™s topic was that it is never wrong โ€”both the feeling and whom we love. It is questionable when we expect the same from those that we love.

Painful! Indeed. Like getting beaten by snow flakes in the coldest winter on the way to the warm summer. Whether you survive through the journey or you return to the previous path.

Letโ€™s walk on!

May all beings be happy.

Philosophy of Javanese in Life Series – Urip Iku Urup

Lifeโ€™s flame, Beloved
Gaseous, burning, glowing.
Choose your own spectrum.

What is urip iku urup? It is literally โ€œlife is flameโ€.

Most Javanese describe โ€œurip iku urup” as โ€œyour life should be beneficial and/or helpful for othersโ€ like flame coming out from fire giving surrounding the light, saving others from the dark. Always do good things. Help others. Donโ€™t make a noise. Donโ€™t disturb others. Those are very normal advices coming from the Javanese elders. Not bad, but to me it is a jumbo burden to always being good and being nice and saying yes and not complaining when life is sometimes tough and forcefully dredging out negativity from the very gut.

I though highly respect this urip iku urup through my own interpretation: โ€œlife should be full of passionโ€. Only those with passion, zeal, enthusiasm, energy, commitment, excitement, fondness, zest, keeness, avidity, gusto, glee, joy can bring the most benefits of what they do towards others. Not so much different from what normal Javanese interpret, just that I prefer seeing things from how life radiates from within self rather than how it is measured through othersโ€™ benefitting my life. Simply put: Iโ€™ll do super best; if you get the benefit, thatโ€™s good for you. If not, tell me and Iโ€™ll make it better.

If you choose to be a teacher, be the best version of teacher you are. If you want to be a researcher, be the best version of researcher you are. If you decide to be no one, be the best no one in the world! There is a spirit of learning from the scratch and striving for perfection. And there is a sense of originality.

Flame has different colours, depending on the heat and intensity of the fire. Many think red flame is the scariest perhaps because it is the one bellowing in rage, eating up property in fire. However, it is the most external part yet actually of the the lowest temperature. It is the tongue, not the voice. The blue represents the hottest flame โ€” it is the gas burning, the higher temperature, the innner most, the closest to the core. Itโ€™ll cook things faster but quiter! It is the vocal cord, not the voice.

In life people should choose what flame they want to represent in life. It is whether they want to stand out and be the red, symbolising the intensity of the whole fire! Or, they want to be outstanding as the blue and not arguably be the hottest support to the reds around. Both are ok. Just remember not to extinguish each other, Red and Blue. People need to choose their own roles in community. Some people are good at performing at the stage. Some are good at executing. Some are good at initiating changes and pushing from the back of the course. Some might be good at all but I doubt one person can be good at three perfectly at teh same course. If one thinks so, one will either overkill the people around one or kill oneโ€™s self.

Within self, red and blue is about act of maturity or choice of expression in many different occasions to face different situations with different people. How people process their experience and mold the wisdom within is a hidden flame. Let them do. Their timing is theirs, not yours. Sometimes they want to show their red, the other time they show their blue.

Flame is alive inside and outside! Be a flame while we live! Youโ€™re the voice!

If you listen to this song, youโ€™ll see that urip iku urup -the so called Javanese local wisdom- can be found everywhere. Local wisdom is never local, it is universal value expressed differently by many in different places.

Salaamโ€ฆ.

Note about the writing and the song: donโ€™t bother, it is my interpretation ๐Ÿ˜Š

Harmony Orchestra

Once upon a time 
A bud cluster fully blooms,
Stealing eyesโ€™ foci.

When a cluster of buds bloom together, hydrangea is a harmony orchestra.

sweet soft gradation of colours

Hymn for Self


Heroes died in war.
The flame in the heart that stays:
History or myth....

Unsung heroes are everywhere, you must have been one for those whose rights youโ€™ve protected. Sing your own hymn and keep the flame in heart.

You never die as long as the flame is at least flickering.

May all beings be happy.

Mask, Oh Mask

The hidden ID
Brings confidence and courage:
Covert exerciseโ€”

Wearing mask has good impact mentally: especially bringing more confidence to do whatโ€™s wanted to do (responsibly). Wearing it though might also give some rather unpleasant experience such as not breathing comfortably, needing to nod or squint eyes to show we are smiling, foggy glasses, etc.

While now we are mandated to wear masks once going out of home, hope someday soon mask is mandated only in some area.

Now letโ€™s take this as a short training to be confident and to give up identity for a while for the sake of protecting each other. Training in and out!

Letโ€™s mask ourselves in style. ๐Ÿ˜ท

Tips of wearing mask: not too tight, find masks that give space in front of nose and mouth; disposable is the best but reusable is good enough (wear each based on where you go and whom you meet); change everyday for reusable or twice a day of you need more comfort; wash the reusable after use the soonest possible, sprinkle mask with some herbal oil to bring good air (peppermint and lemon are good choice for breathing); cute reusable brightens days.

May all beings be happy.

always practice squinting eyes in the lift before meeting people out there ๐Ÿ˜ท

Forgiveness

Anger, Beloved
Consumes hope, kills compassion, 
Drains the lake of love.
Know nothing is permanent.
She forgives all. Karma paid!

Everyone wants to be pleased, which is not wrong. One said that that is like throwing things to a bottomless hole, never ending craving for pleasure taken from others. It is ok to want to be pleased, but donโ€™t suffer for not getting the pleasure thatโ€™s wanted.

Change the bottomless hole from a waste field to a mine; that way it would be found the precious experiences, appreciating whatโ€™s in and not focusing on whatโ€™s out.

Befriending with oneโ€™s self is the most challenging and at the same time most fun time. It is 24/7 for the rest of oneโ€™s life. Enjoy the ride.

Be kind to others but first of all be kind to yourself, Self.

Summary of a good chat with one best friend.


Shoes: Biting Beauty

When shoe bites,
Stop walking, sit, check the soles.
Right foot is bigger!

I bought a pair of shoes through an online platform. No, no, not Cinderellaโ€™s shoes. They are a pair of brown flat ballerina. First ballerina shoes after seven years without them. For the past seven years Iโ€™ve been wearing flat shoes: sneakers, boots and feminine non ballerina because they are comfortable to walk. Why ballerina? I want to look cute. Letโ€™s laugh together!

So, I tried them to walk around the home and tada! I decided to wear them outside and…. The test came. The right shoe started biting me and unluckily no back heel cushions were inserted. I thought no cushions were needed. As a result the right back of heel got a small cut and disturbed the walk.

something like these

Itโ€™s fine. At least I had some time of the day with ballerina shoes on, feeling beautiful (in mask, dear…. No one looked at you). Just sharing: now I understand why some beautiful women are willing to hurt their feet wearing those high heels and walking elegantly. They must feel much more beautiful with those much higher-heeled shoes…. ๐Ÿ˜Œ

I gave up and stopped at one footwear store to buy a pair of flat, light, white sandals. Life went back to normally beautiful to me…. Yay!

welcome to the club!

May all beings be happy.

Cleaning Time

Good time  to clean up:
Throw away whatโ€™s not needed.
Unstuff. Travel light. 

Reviewing my Pinterest account once again, I found that Iโ€™ve been hoarding. At the beginning I thought it was cool to collect all the pictures for reference on some topics. Is that? Yes, to some level. No, to some extent.

But still I like it ๐Ÿ˜

Checking my home, thatโ€™s more interesting. Too many books and they should be soon given away. Getting older, I feel that reading the phenomena surrounding me is much more interesting and enriching than reading books, except reading some comics as part of my language study. Thatโ€™s better, too so I can save more for future dreamโ€” hope the future still wants me. ๐Ÿฅฐ

Cleaning starts! Some memories are worth erasing.

May all beings be happy.

Pinterest is still incredibly amazing; Iโ€™ll keep it ๐Ÿ™‚

The Unhealthy Healthy Food

Not about the food,
More about gluttony. Good!
At least I still chew.

I joined โ€œEat Well Challengeโ€ in which whatโ€™s consumed is calculated and whatโ€™s burnt is regulated. I thought it would be as simple as submitting what is eaten. Now I see how healthy both my body and brain will be as the calorie calculation include my weighing the ingredients and decision making on whatโ€™s best to combine.

The plan to cook duck has twisted a brain. Duck contains a lot of fat, which is the best part of it. Yummy!!! So…. Duck it is! When calculated, the calorie is high and when it is reported to the challenge platform, it is not counted as the expected healthy food…. Ggrrrrh!

herbs and spices lovey lovey!
cute duck!
hot duck!
only the veggies are accepted as healthy food and the calories are not even half of the duck itself ๐Ÿ˜‚

Donโ€™t overestimate whatโ€™s called healthy eating because the calorie calculation will overwrite all the estimation exactly like when you think expressing love honestly will result in respectful rejection, instead youโ€™ll get ignorance and humiliation.

Thanks God for always leading me to self respect and kindness.

May all beings be happy.

Graceful Fortress

If eyes tell secrets,
Yours? Fortress protecting town
Full of historiesโ€”

Show me your naked eyes, Beloved where I can see the true you. Those sunglasses hide your most beautiful secrets.

May all beings be happy….

Wind

Wind is sent to Cloud
Who pours Rain down to Soil. Grow!
Seeds inside emerge.

Imagine despair is like the earth longing for rain until suddenly the wind comes pushing lines of clouds that canโ€™t suspend the heavy droplets anymore so turn into rain…. The earth welcomes each of the raindrops happily, hugs each of all seeds which have been buried beneath the dry layers of soil, almost broken, damps and pushes them up above the ground to grow….

Wind…. It takes just one blow of wind to see beautiful colours.

May all beings be happy.

Locating

With a fingertip
You move quadrants. Feel to think.
Donโ€™t you realise?

Sometimes you simply sit and look like doing nothing going nowhere but youโ€™ve moved 7 mountains and 7 oceans to their right locations.

May all beings be happy….

Turn Your Back Around

Respect should be earned
Not through masks on the back but....
Genuine face on.

If you think Iโ€™ve ignored you, Beloved; perhaps you might want to turn around. Youโ€™ve had your back to me all this time…. Face the mirror and see who you really are. ๐Ÿ’ž

Gotcha!!! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜

rose is beautiful even from the back…. but beautiful mask turns ugly coz fake fades away….

Short Spell Called Names

Name is a short spell. 
Not yours, Beloved. Itโ€™s mine
Hanging in Heaven, 
Echoing after yours called.
You can have it all.

How many names have you spelled in prayers? Are they the bold or the beautiful ones?

I call your name, Beloved โ€˜coz I know it infuses power into prayers like smoke of burnt incense billowing into the sky escorting dreams to meet the doors….

May all beings be happy….

Diamond

Loyalty: old-aged,
Mined, Rubbed, faceted carbonโ€”
4C through life time.

Many women love diamond with different reasons. Some do because of its beauty. Some do because of its prestige. Some do because of following the trend. Some do just because of spending money on anything seen and wanted. Some do because of what it symbolises…. In fact its value has a wide spectrum like why we love someone.

Diamond is just a type of carbon. Carbon is whatโ€™s burnt to cook steak. Carbon is whatโ€™s chosen for media to grow orchids. Carbon is activated to be a medication for food poisoning. Or simply think of other things containing carbon!

Diamond though is a certain level of carbon which has been buried between layers of earth for millions of years, tested by the pressure, temperature. Itโ€™s hardened, purified, strengthened, crystalised.

4C is a familiar acronym for diamond lovers. These 4 Cโ€™s show diamondโ€™s quality.

  • Cut: Quality of the angles, proportions, facets, and finishing details ~ level of craftsmanship and precision play important role
  • Color: How colorless the diamond is ~ less colour is the best but colour is at times defined by preference
  • Clarity: How clean the diamond is of inclusions and blemishes ~ the more flawless, the more valuable; but who is flawless, Beloved? The Death is flawless….
  • Carat: The weight of the diamond ~ small carat of diamond can look big; also determined by how the craftsman cuts it

Imagine a human being is a carbon processing oneโ€™s self to be a diamond. Stay regardless the pressure and temperature exposed to you, Self. Once you find you, youโ€™re diamond in the making.

May all beings be happy.

useful link: https://www.bluenile.com

Lammie and Khanyisa, unconditional friendship

Lammie, Khanyisa,
It is the least I can do.
Friends are forever
When no discrimination.
Can I do? Need a try, sure!

Animals have taught me a lot about many things. One of those is unconditional friendship. Lammie and Khanyisa are a sheep and an albino elephant calf who have been friends without asking why their tails are differently shaped and attached, why their hairs are of different colours, why their teeth are of different length…. Language, religion, nationalities, and so on are never problems. They just grass, rest, play together. What a beautiful world!

If you wanna support Lammie and Khanyisaโ€™s unconditional friendship, you can buy a mug with picture of them printed on it. Mine arrived today through DHL, welcoming me at the front door. Happy yay!

Thanks, Lammie and Khanyisa and HERD! Youโ€™ve been much smarter than many of my human kind. Iโ€™m sending love to you and your family….. ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

cute cute mugs kiss kiss

Everything?

Money, Beloved?
Might not be. Prosperity:
A bunch of blessings
Earned with heart and soul, given
Wholeheartedly. You should know.

Money is important, but it is not everything. Is it? Is it not?

From Tuas With Love On A Bike!

Tuas, the end point
Where the wheels will start gliding
On the road to home....

Iโ€™ll start traveling again! I will go by taxi to the visited site and go home by bike! It is about 34 kilometers! Canโ€™t wait for tomorrow!

Iโ€™m speaking with all exclamation marks! ๐Ÿ˜ So excited!