graphs of my Universe
Sweetness, Beloved
Shows on the plates, wok and wrap
In one sweet dinner.
veggies, rendang and deep fried (sweet potato balls & banana) — sweet
rendang I prepare for Eva next Thursday’s ifthar in a Japanese restaurant — what a sweet mix 😁
today’s sweet herbal chocolate
Dear, Child.
Look at the stars
Blinking their signs;
The shooting star
Burning their directions;
The glowing sky
Telling their histories.
Dear, Child.
Listen to the old songs.
See the old galaxies.
Touch the swirling dusts.
Taste the sweetness of comets.
Smell the expanding universe.
All no limit
But your definition.
Hug me
As we travel.
Trust me
As we wander.
Like I hug
You,
Like I trust
You.
Dear Child.
body and soul is like a female and a male in a marriage as discussed in classes of spirituality
in Javanese tradition body is symbolizing the female that is also the earth — accepting, submissive and intuitive; while soul is symbolizing the male that is also the heaven — giving, powerful and guiding
yet to me it’s not always that way; to me yes body and soul is like a mother and a child — the mother holding an infant (can be a girl or a boy) in a state that the mother is making sure the child is purely happy
I personally believe as long as the soul remains childlike, the body is not suffering — accepting what is is the key
about this life I sometimes don’t want to define as definition is a limit
and so I don’t force my understanding to anyone even to those I love the most because spiritual experience is very personal, cannot be forced, can only be synchronised through mutual journey
that’s why spiritual journey is called silent path; even when we’re in the same discussion room, the expansion of understanding might be different from one another
let’s accept our own silent path with no judgment
❣️
Notes: it’s my personal thought, doesn’t mean to influence anyone, a ranting of a life traveler
My mouth doesn't say it
But it feels like drooling.
The charm of kitchen
Isn't the set,
It's the colours and taste
And love that fits.
today’s breakfast of day #22 at 7:15pm – prepped & ready to enjoy 😍
there is a bowl of mango and some rice crackers but photo not taken
bamboo shoots and red bean in coconut milk – so Javanese 💕
yes I love chicken heart 😁
sweet yam and mung bean stew a.k.a. kolak 💗
beltfish a.k.a. ikan layur 💗 deep fried
How do I look, Love
Before the mirror of heart
Talking honesty.
Who doesn’t want to look young or beautiful at the longest time? Looking young and beautiful is one of the best feelings in life. But how far can human beings stretch themselves to stay young?
Today I bumped into a movie in the flight from Hanoi to Singapore: The Substance in which a woman (played by Demi Moore) is struggling of being not wanted in the industry because of not looking as young anymore. The horror of doing so much to stay young gave me a wake-up call that liking it or not, I who looks younger than her age will definitely age and weaken through time.
How long can I stay young naturally?
I won’t look young all the time especially as I decided to not do expensive facial and body treatment. Factually that’s very not necessary (for me).
Truly at 65 this body is weak and can’t work as now. By then I hope that I can appropriately function as a wise soul staying in a relatively healthy body that does light works everyday until time kindly escorts me to the next gate of life.
Dear, Life.
Thank you for taking care of me.
Please always guide me to stay in the path of human being in the making as long as time allows. I might not get everything grandiose but I don’t want to lose anything precious.
Please give me big heart enough to always experience joy through all senses and to share it everyday.
Happy weekend❣️
All dreams should be sweet.
They should leave beautiful trails
To be well followed.
living with acceptance is a dream
and I’ve achieved it to some extent; I’ve learnt letting go each and every day
and now I want to enjoy my life with someone who has the same project with mine: to live loving & forgiving, to die loved & forgiven
because to me that’s the only way to live happily
When dreams are calling,
Get up! The sky's the limit,
Be the wind that blows.
my dreams call the wind so they can meet you soon
❣️
I still keep the dreams:
You're the only one to meet
When sky's clear one day.
I hug my dreams in the dark day; they will again fly to find home when the wind sweeps clouds away
💙
🥰
What's blue, Beloved?
Tranquility. Sky and sea
As calm as can be--
painted my nails blue to keep my spirit on and on and on
it doesn’t matter if people say I just look wise but actually unwise — I’m not wise indeed ☺️
I only say what’s aligned between my head and heart and even my belly
☺️
They ask, Beloved
Why repeated the same thing?
Based on what you do--
why I say the same ideas repeatedly, only moving the point of view?
because those are the things I not only know but also embrace, internalise and experience in life
saying something I don’t truly know and feel and walk feels like not stepping on the ground
❣️
Clear glasses, my love
With which colours and shapes seen
Are cleaned everyday.
it’s both the glass container and the glass spectacles should be clean to see clearly
exactly like one person’s action and the other’s perspective
❣️
Kitchen calls, my love
Those in love with life and taste
And the folks in heart.
today’s ifthar with so much love
we call it bothok not the Botox injection — it’s tempeh, anchovy in grated coconut + santan wrapped by my hands in banana leaves 😍
sayur asem (sour soup) normally the sourness is from tamarind but today I used buah kedondong peel
Japanese cracker that I love always
still the Bac Ninh oranges
kedondong
What's for today's joy?
Colourful and full of taste
On a wooden tray
today’s ifthar
salad for fresh evening from my fridge
kolak (stew of sweet yam, aloe vera and sago pearl) from my kitchen
orange from Bac Ninh, Hanoi
steamed rice cake from Bengawan Solo
Dear
Heart
That
Softens,
Love me
Also
Let me go.
loving others is easier than loving one’s self; after that letting go others is easier than letting go one’s self
I’m letting go all.
💗
I chat with you
With no language.
When with you,
I know no time.
Yet we separate
To miss each other,
To love
With condition
Then without.
in love everyday
I buy your voice with hearing.
I buy your look with sight.
I buy your scent with smelling.
Some I buy with touch and taste.
I buy, never take anything from you for free.
Now you agree senses are currency, no?
A voice screams in whisper:
From whom do you get the senses?
She's in a daze
Again and again,
Failed in transaction
Against
You.
I speak with you
With no language.
When with you,
I know no time.
In you I find me.
In me I find you.
Then we separate
To miss each other,
To love
With no limit.
When clock slows down its intensity,
Bring me a cup of tea
With which imagination
Grows wild silently
And another cup
With which the Twin Towers
Are swallowed by dark night.
This cup of tea
Has freed me.
—
one more won’t harm me ❣️
There’s much ado
About what’s not done.
Shakespeare said that’s nothing.
There’s much ado
About what’s promised.
I said that’s nothing.
—
4th day of Ramadhan 💗 nothing but so much smile at my own cookings
I'm foraging beauty
On my way to work,
To shop,
To travel,
To eat out;
And
On my way to kitchen,
To balcony,
To a room,
To the loo.
Beauty is just scattered by
You.
—
white, yellow, fragrant, pretty, soon to dry then to produce seed for another orchid to bloom 💕
blooming time for the pigeon orchids along the Yio Chu Kang Road next to my office – this appearance can be seen in almost all of the big trees around this road
All cracks in the stone
Show what is glowing inside.
Light in the darkness—
—
2nd day of Ramadhan – craving another one that is not shown through a photo 😁
How full are you, Love?
Leave a space where air can move
And water can flow.
—
It is Ramadhan 1, I started my 30-day fasting.
Fasting is not a new or foreign to my family. My parents consider it a sacred practice in their life. My oldest sister does fast every two days. Intermitten fasting is never a new thing for us. We are Javanese, we fast both as a spiritual sanctuary and mental exercise.
When we talk about fasting in Javanese tradition, it is not always like the Islamic fasting (not eating, not drinking, not smoking, not having sex on the daylight). Fasting or pasa or poso in Javanese is managing what is in and out through all doors of senses in our body. It can be simply by choosing what to eat, when to eat, how to eat.
In old days Javanese did many different types of fasting and so they name those types of fasting differently.
Mutih (derived from the word putih or white in Javanese) is when they only eat rice and drink water. They won’t be consuming anything with tastes: sweet, salty, sour, bitter, gurih, etc.
Ngidang (derived from the word kidang or deer in Javanese) is when they only consume leafy vegetables and water, and no other things.
Ngrowot (derived from the word krowot that means “no rice” in Javanese) in when they will not consume rice and any product of any kind of rice).
Etc….
For this Ramadhan I decided to do ngrowot. It means I will not consume any rice and any product of rice crom dawn to dusk, from day 1 until end of Ramadhan. I want to know how good I am pushing myself through “hunger”.
Bismillah!
Yes, I can.
💕
my first day of “Ramadhan Ngrowot” breakfast
😁
Care comes from nowhere
Free of charge in a white bag
Called good heart.
—
coming home from office today, i found a white bag from no name — without opening it i knew it was sukun (breadfruit) from Aunty Goh, the kind lady
thank you❣️
With all the limitation some people are still willing to share. This touches my very heart.
Ramadhan (Islamic fasting month) is coming soon. Although sharing is not necessarily done only in Ramadhan, yet doing it in a month when I subdue more physical desire will expose myself to more meanings of life– hopefully. Sharing starts with Aunty Goh and the gang!
Please allow me, dear Aunty Goj to cook a simple dish for you this week.
Salaam.
❣️
I said
I want to eat sushi.
Let’s go
She said.
We lend each other’s ears.
I like listening,
She likes to be listened.
What a perfect scene.
I’ll take the mushroom, you take the eggplant
She said.
I said
I prefer eggplants, that is nice.
Haaaah!
Hahaha wasabi!
She laughed.
Anything to share?
She asked.
No
Said I.
She drove me home and hugged me good bye.
Her son said “See ya again!”
Then I walked the path home
To write stories of my own.
I regretted to share bad stories with anyone,
It made good food taste stale.
I won’t,
Until there’s the best sushi to offer.
—-
iftar with a best friend yesterday — one of the best sushi in Singapore 😘
Time flies on a plane,
Moves backwards leaving a home
To meet whom are missed.
—-
Time to visit mother. Although I visit her every three months, a visit on Eid Mubarak is always the most special. It is when my brothers and sisters meet me and most of extended family members gather in our annual reunion.
It is exciting to have a full day chatting, laughing, remembering good memories, eating specialties cooked by the host, joking around and of course praying for our happiness and joy so we all can meet again the following year.
Thank you for another year.
💝
pink orchid in Changi Airport before my flight
pink orchid left home — not merrier but fresher than the Changi’s 🥰
yellowish white orchid left at home
it is gonna be broken white with purple — they are always happy although left home 😁
i guess it is gonna be yellow — they are always happy although left home 😁
Dear oh dear, it’s time to slide the curtain and see your face.
Crescent moon is here.
It illuminates my sky,
Showing your perfect beauty.
Dear oh dear, your love has perfectly wrapped my imperfect reality.
This dusk
To dawn
I pray.
—-
Javanese celebrate life through sharing and commemorating ancestors. They will find reasons to call a day sacred and so they can celebrate it with especially family and neighbours through sharing. One of the chosen moments is in the last 10 days of Ramadhan.
Ramadhan is believed to have 3 phases: 1st 10 days as the grace and mercy of the God, 2nd 10 days as forgiveness of the God and 3rd ones as liberation from purgatory. It is believed that one of the nights in the 3rd 10 days is called Lailatul Qadar (literally night of revelation or night of honour) whose value is more than 1000 months so if Muslim spends the night in goodness s/he will be appreciated with 1000 months of good deeds. Many Muslim scholars interpret lailatul qadar differently; I myself believe that it is the night when a human being becomes aware of one’s bearing the quality of humanity as well as divinity. No one knows which night it is but it is believed that the night allegedly falls on odd nights of Ramadhan: 21, 23, 25, 27 or 29.
Javanese think that it would be good to share joy at any of those odd nights. Those who are blessed with abundance will share more, they will invite their neighbours to dine in and make a basket of food to bring home for each of them. The less or under privilege will usually bring 2 baskets of food to a nearest mosque or mushola to share with others; as it is not mandatory, it is ok for them not to bring anything, their neighbours will give more to them.
The odd night celebration in Javanese is called maleman that comes from the word malem (dusk or twilight) and -an (a suffix added to a word that make the word a noun or a noun another noun with different meaning). Maleman means an activity that is conducted at dusk or twilight.
We hope that by doing the maleman we can be blessed with the 1000 months of good deed of food sharing. And isn’t sharing food the simplest thing to do with neighbour? 🙏🏼
There is one kue (small cake) typically present among all food shared in maleman, it is called apem— a rice cake made with yeast and coconut milk.
Apem is a symbol of forgiveness and asking for forgiveness with each other among the Javanese Muslim. It is derived from an Arabic word “afwun/afuwwun” that means forgiving. This rice cake is a special cake appearing in many Javanese celebration as a symbol of forgiving and forgiveness among people surrounding.
I am glad that the 3rd 10 days of Ramadhan is here. Time to sleep less and pray more for the sake of my happiness and joy.
Salaam.
—-
Nowadays kue apem has been creatively modified. Originally it is steamed; now many also fry it. I love this one of Javanese delicacies! 💝
Have a look of a few of the creations of our amateur cooks. 🙏🏼
we used to have this “apem conthong” either using jackfruit or banana leaves to both mould and wrap it — not many though make it due to its complicated process
the most common nowadays
this one is fried 😍
simple to cook but take long time to slice when set after cooked
💝
apem with Javanese palm sugar as the flavour — the sweetest one
apem kembang — my favourite 😍
Growth is happening,
Vectors might turn to balance
Good time everywhere.
—
when i was away working, she was happy blooming 💝
and she has been preparing 💝
There’s always a room
For a smile to fully bloom.
It’s called day and night.
—-
Thanks for being part of this journey. Without you I won’t be a full version of a human being. 💝
hope you are healthy and happy with your loved ones 💝
today’s Ramadhan breakfast (ifthar) — cooked by myself for myself with love ❣️
Yes, I am a big fan of mango. 😍❣️
—-
only 5? gosh! at least 20 kinds are scattered in Java island alone
yes!! this mango is second best after Indonesian’s harum manis mango
hoping the tree in my backyard soon invite me for party!
Hari Raya Fitri is coming soon and I want to bring Japanese sweets to my mother’s coffee table so her guests especially the female and children will be able to experience the delicacies without going to Japan. 😘
And my big foldable tote bag functions well. 😁
This is real madness! Always happens for all Japan trips 😁
Alhamdulillah.
💝
There is great mountain
Not deserved to climb
How much ever best view will be up there.
There is good hill
Deserved to walk up
How much ever others give up its ordinary view.
She decided to walk up the hill
And found some big trees
With singing birds and hopping squirrels
Enjoying the breeze.
There is enough space to have a picnic
Until the sun sets beautifully.
—-
there is elevator in Osaka Castle so i should not skip climbing the castle as in Himeji Castle (said my colleague); yet i still didn’t as the queue was too long — walking the garden then having a fine dining with a good friend was a much better choice 🌸
thanks for your Osaka vibe; proven that Osaka is much warmer than Tokyo 💝 see you again in June
rike jokanan 
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