Tag: weekend vibe

A Muse Who Herds Dragons

Learning
Beloved,
I don't have clear words
To decribe myself
Yet words insist to come out,
Sliding down from a lane connecting heaven and earth--

Dragon
A mythical being
Depicted in a lot of traditions all over the globe
That soars, roams, fights with a muse who lives in a realm
Called a self.

A self who is one of nine
Whichever one inspiring any her
To rule her own world
With love and compassion,
Nothing more
Nothing less.

She bears the emblem of dragons,
Plays fun with them,
Talks and plans,
Dreams and fantasizes,
Works the hardship,
Keeps secret & evaporate it,
Learns and teaches,
Fights and flies,
Stays and calms,
Grows old and stays young--
All with dragons.

Perhaps no one knows
But she knows
That the dragons might not be
someone else,
Just a being she thinks something else,
Yet in fact none in her life
Is separated--

Dear, Dragons
Be
Beloved or
Lover for her
Whichever is tasked to
You.

born with a dragon waking up at the same time

fun time with dragon most of the time

sending good messages to the universe with the dragon

sharing most secrets to dragon

welcoming sunset with dragon

struggling in battles with dragon

learning precious lessons with dragon

receiving deciphered enigmas from dragon

never growing old before dragon

physically growing old with dragon

taming dragon is her soul

a muse who rekindles dragon in her soul over and over again

A Hope of Elden Soldiers

Learning
A hope that vanishes
With the forgotten true stories
Of the unsung heroes,
Those not buried with engraved tombstone

Dear, Elden Heroes
Who are taking a break from battles.
Wish us a basket of flower
Full of prayer summoning
The only thing left with Mother Earth:
Love that glows in the heart.
Wish us her love
That fades all selfishness away
Swiftly
Like the colours dissolve from a white fabric.
No trace of arrogance.
No trace of greed.
Only love.
Only care.
By everyone,
For everyone
Including 
The Elden Soldiers--

A poem for a piece of Mother Earth’s true love called Indonesia on her 80th birthday–

Thank you. You’re staying in this very heart that weeps for getting hurt over and over again yet keeping the trust in a journey called life.

💕

your promise to liberate your offspring’s life from all that occupy them was well done

would you say that what your offspring is doing to celebrate the victory is truly what you wished to be

dear, Elden Soldiers who have been either well-known or unsung….

You

Learning, love, Poetic
I've read thousands of poems
In which all lines are started with
You.

I've recited hundreds of them
With which all rhymes are ended with
A you.

I've waited for a sonnet full of love
Through which my questions are answered by you. Yes,
You.

Have You?

Learning, life, love, Poetic
I've asked myself all my life:
Have you ever thought what this life is for?
You're born. You die.
You struggle. You cry.
You suffer. You rant.
You're full. You sleep.
You're fulfilled. You forget.
You're numb. You're silent.

If it's really
You that this life is about,
Am I really needed?
Am I really wanted?

Yet the echoes of the quest go on.
Your answers feel like algae converting light to feed my days with
Hope that you embrace me, with
Fear that it will end when I still owe you  promises.

I can't answer it clearly until today.

It becomes like a love story
In which falling in love is either inserted with broken-hearted acceptance or ended with broken hearted let-go.

That I live for
You, because of
You, in
You, through
You is a journey between a lover longing for the beloved who might care but care; who might love but hate, who might exist but not exist.

Have you ever thought what this life is for? I said yes and yes and yes to
You, and for
You.

Guidance

Amouge, Guidance – it’s about you guiding me to you

bought it when in Sydney

slided the box out of the outer cover

one of my best gift to myself – a scent that guides

A Door

Learning, life, Poetic
A door, Beloved
Your way I take to enter
The way of loving--

some people said to me directly and some indirectly “my way or no way”

my life is like one-way highway with no U-turn with which the choice is chosen by itself, go ahead and that’s it! when I choose my way, the way becomes bumpy and muddy and not safe,

so I’ve never really thought about my way

letting it be instructed through my heart and follow Life’s way

so when some ask “my way or no way”, I’ll smile and think

maybe those people’s life has been so easy and smooth that all their way is running without any interruption or alteration or even 100% negotiation

maybe

but I again just smile and try to understand while waiting whose way is winning

Camouflage

Learning, Poetic
Hiding in colours
Quiet, before partying again
With the same colours--

I realised that someone can show the world what’s the opposite to be able to do whatever they like behind the stage.

A man said to a woman that his parents didn’t approve the marriage with her so that he could marry another her.

A man marry a woman hiding his true sexual orientation. Once married people think he is a sexually straight, ignoring that he is giving hell to the woman who blindly loves him.

Skeleton in the cupboards — No!

camouflage to be exact

Honesty saves everyone’s time.

🙃

The Way

Learning
The way, Beloved
A way that is not one way
Made for everyone--

In the last discussion I said something unplanned. I just felt that it was the right way to say, to liberate the self that had refused to be molded or shaped with no consent.

“I feel that my journey has no pattern, I just flow, I’m always a human being in the making, I’m probably ever unfinished, always in progress”.

Today while doing the household chores, I’d been thinking if I really had no pattern. Brownian Movement, my favourite physical phenomenon that has always made me contemplate how random someone can be, is even seemingly random, yet it is statistically patterned; it’s just unpredictable. The zigzag movement will distribute particles evenly in the medium. Fabulous!

So of course I know I’m not that random.

Maybe I just need to sleep more to be more random. 🙃

the graph shows pattern

maybe I look like this to people not knowing me well & im ok with that ☺️

Home

Learning, Poetic
A home, Beloved
Where heart hums to see beauty
In just greenery--

this is where my long weekend resides (Jogja, where Mount Merapi & Prambanan Temple are pinned)

where I bike & walk in my free time, Singapore greenery

Changi Terminal 2, the airport that I mostly take off to fly out before always coming back to my second home, Singapore

Headache

Poetic
Headache, Beloved
Tiara with her gemstones
Glowing dignity--

I’d had headache for these past 3 days and no better even with the super meds called Paramex 🙂 I took one-day medical leave to meet the doc then on Friday I worked from home to gain more comfort while working.

I kept complaining until just now realizing that this was that I felt before; it was when I had a growth inside my brain untreated. The headache was significantly reduced (up to 99% by my gross calculation: from everyday to once in several months like this time).

How I thank God that this headache has tried reminding me that this time I feel so much better than before, the years of constant headache every single day.

Ah! Thank you!

Thank you for the realization that life shall have sickness to know that health is a true blessing. Then both sickness & health are blessings indeed.

Thank you!

if my headaches in those years to be exchanged with a head piece, I want a tiara with diamond & emerald – elegantly pressing the head for beauty & dignity

New Year

Learning, Poetic
New year, Beloved
An open door with a smile
Keeping soul leaping--

welcome the new year of Javanese lunar year cum Islamic new year

Start The Day

Learning, Poetic
Start the day, my love
With bright eyes and dancing tongue.
A day to excite--

a bowl of “pempek from Palembang & “sambal ijo” from Padang with a piece of boiled duck leg starting my day

time to clean the house & packing for tomorrow’s exciting trip 😍

A Gift

Learning, Poetic, This Person
A gift, Beloved
Breeze bringing a good fragrance
Keeping me with you.

I bought a box of gift for myself – perfume 💗

patchouli is one of my favourite fragrances, it is mostly harvested in Indonesia — there’s a documentary about how patchouli farmers are ‘exploited” for perfume industry

I’m cruelly aware that my liking to scent is making me part of the exploitation. What should I do?

….thinking in awareness & with compassion

The Psychology of Stupidity

Learning, This Person
She's stupid, my Love
Following honest heart, then
She needs huge to cure.

Lucky to find this book in Periplus of Soetta Airport T3 – time to get cured from wound of falling by my own stupidity

Thanks for obviously showing my stupidity this weekend. I’ll write the word stupid (tolol in Bahasa Indonesia) 1000 times to ensure I remember I am.

💕

Heart Journey

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person
Your plodding footsteps
Call me to keep this journey
To where sunrise is.

Wherever I go as long as I’m following my honesty, I’m meeting with you.

I’ve tried denying that life is just a matter of birth to death & struggling between those two, but no life is not that indeed — pain is inevitable but suffering is optional so I prefer put always lightheartedness and useful meaning to steps of life.

One day which is today I plant my believe more deeply as I also believe that this tree of life is not only one growing for a while; this tree of life needs strong & stubborn roots to support itself to the end of universe life.

Thank you for this beautiful life, Beloved. Whatever I’ve gone through is beauty that leads me to the reality of life:

You

Scent of This Hair

Learning, Poetic, This Person
The scent that is spread
Is that that I've missed so long.
It's in my own hair.

I was in Sydney and finally found this that I’d wanted so long. Once I thought I would love the Jasmine but this attracted me more strongly.

Siapa Guru? (in Bahasa Indonesia)

Learning, love, Poetic

Kata guruku hati harus ringan,
Harus.
Kata guruku langkah harus pasti,
Harus.
Kata guruku badan harus rajin,
Harus.
Kata guruku hidup harus berserah,
Harus.
Susahnya!
Laku kuganti guru.
Ngomongnya begini:
Buat apa jadi manusia kalau tidak punya hati bahagia? Kalau kerjanya bermalas-malas diombang-ambing angan-angan? Kalau kerjanya memaksa semua dengan maunya?

Duh!
Berguru di mana-mana sama!
Aku duduk di depan patung Dorna,
Pendeta legenda,
Sebagai Ekalaya aku berpura-pura.

Bambang Ekalaya (Anggraeni’s husband), most loyal male wayang to his teacher

Dewi Anggraeni (Ekalaya’s wife), most loyal female wayang to her husband

Gurindam 12 (only Bahasa Indonesia)

Learning, Poetic

Gurindam is a form of ancient poem of (old) Malay.

Gurindam 12 (twelve gurindam(s)) is a set of gurindam composed by Raja Ali Haji in 1847. Raja Ali Haji was a poet born in Pulau Penyengat, Kepulauan Riau, Indonesia in 1808. He is one of national heroes of Indonesia.

I read it back then in junior high school when comprehension was not really well obtained. I wish to fully understand this gurindam before time is up.

Enjoy….

Saturday Night

Learning, Poetic
Saturday night, Love
Keeps her radiant and calm
In a place called heart.

I became hungry and decided to slice carrot, beet root and chayote for salad.

For this Saturday night’s calm vibe, I sliced shallot, chili, lemon grass and kefir lime leaves then sauté them in coconut oil added with shrimp block.

Alhamdulillah yum yum❣️

Father

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

May 2 is a special day. It is Indonesia’s National Education Day at the same time the date when my father passed away.

I pray for him always. Yet on his birthday and on his death day I recite special prayer for him.

My father
Is a book mark
With which I remember
Where I should restart.
He is not part of the book,
But with him reading would feel so light.

Silence

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

I admire
You
Beyond words.
When you demand more,
I use thick dictionaries and thesaurus across the universe to praise
You.

The silence is more eloquently accurate than any word can say.

Refreshed

Learning, Poetic
Redreshed, Beloved
By love sprouting from within
A mother called Earth--

I often freshen and refresh my body by drinking “jamu”, the Javanese herbal medicine or herbal drink that I mostly concoct with my own hands.

The Life List (movie)

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person
Life list, Beloved,
Not about glory or lost.
It's what truly costs.

I used to list what I wanted to do. Every year I made the list longer until I stopped as I’ve found primary list that I won’t forget to make come true.

One of them is writing my own book (I’ve written with friends in anthology books) so I’m working on it.

Another one is having a home where family and friends feel the true selves in them. My first house was but as it is located not in a preferred place, I decided to make a new one. Working on it–

Many more and I’m working on all of them.

They might come true or not as age is not predictable yet at least I’m working on all of them.

Sooner or later

Amen

Ho’oponopono

Learning, love, This Person

Today I contemplated a lot about friendship.

I value friendship, as it is the best I can gift to those I love. Yet some of mine didn’t work well. Just recently one friend sent messages to someone to tell me that she no longer wanted to befriend with me. Her messages were big anger described through words that to me sounded like unreasonable accusations: that I only needed her in need, that she didn’t trust my intension of not inviting her to the hotel where I stayed, that I was not her true friend, that she would not contact me anymore, and so on.

I was upset and said to the “messenger”: Thanks for reading me her messages, please don’t forward the written messages to me, please help delete.”

I got hurt with the hurting accusations. I began to calculate what and how much I had done for her versus what she had done for me. 15-year friendship ended with a message without clarification…. What a tragic comedy!

I got hurt. A short drama started to mount within me….

Until….

Today I met someone who happened to be her friend and mine, who informed me that her mother just passed away after the Idul Fitri. Innalillaahi wa innaa ilaihi rajiun.

And that’s when I knew why she became so sensitive.

She never informed me that her mother passed away. it’s probably her fault.

One time in Ramadhan she sent one message of asking for a call but I was in a massive headache so I didn’t even reply to anyone’s messages including hers. So maybe I also missed some updates from her. It’s probably my faults.

I don’t know; I don’t want to prolong the drama.

I sent her a condolence message. I don’t hope anything but her acceptance of what is.

I’m telling myself that I’m good and play the Ho’oponopono repeatedly to let go off what’s not.

I’m sorry, my own self for being negative. Please forgive me. I thank you. I love you.

Home, Dear Home

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
Dear Home,
Welcome me
With your warm heart
That beats with love,
And trust.

Do you know how I miss
You?
Your walls with my paintings,
Your ceiling with the down light,
Your floor with shine after vacuum,
Your roof after washed by rain,
Your fragrance that is me.

How are you?
Are you as spacious as before installed with furniture?
I won't add more.
Are you serene after some music played?
I won't play more.
Are you bright after curtain hung?
I won't put those too thick.
I hope you're still a home
Even after I come.
Even I hope you become more homey
After that.

Please know
I only wanted those loving to be here
But then that's not fair.
So you'll see bad people around,
I promise that won't be long and make sure one will only visit once,
And only very few.
Vibe clear!
So only those with clarity want to stay long.

Please know
I want fireflies to be around at night
So you'll be pretty with the tiny bright dots blinking cheerfully.

Please know, dear
Home
That you are built now
By this wandering self
With a loving hope
To meet
You
Very soon.

Dear,
Home.

listening to this song this whole day; yes I can do it to any song that builds a good mood

Sal Priadi’s songs sound like romantic mantra to me especially this one

The strength is his lyrics: simple yet poetic

Lyrics

Kita usahakan rumah itu
Dari depan akan tampak sederhana
Tapi kebunnya luas
Tanamannya mewah, megah

Kita usahakan rumah itu
Dari depan akan tampak sederhana
Tapi dibuat kuat
Dirancang muat, lega

Urusan perabotan dan wangi-wangian
Kuserahkan pada s’leramu yang lebih maju
Tapi tata ruang, aku ikut pertimbangkan
Kar’na kalau nanti kita punya kesibukan

Malam tetap kumpul di meja panjang
Ruang makan kita
Berbincang tentang hari yang panjang

Kita usahakan rumah itu
Dari depan akan tampak sederhana
Tapi penerangannya
Diracik begitu romantis

Urusan perabotan dan wangi-wangian
Kuserahkan pada s’leramu yang lebih maju
Tapi tata ruang, aku ikut pertimbangkan
Kar’na kalau nanti kita punya kesibukan

Malam tetap kumpul di meja panjang
Ruang makan kita
Berbincang tentang hari yang panjang

Boleh kamu keliling dunia
Dan temukan banyak tempat-tempat ‘tuk singgah
Sementara

Kamu boleh namai itu rumah
Selama ada m’reka yang kamu cinta
Di dalamnya

Kita usahakan rumah itu

Mother to Child

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Dear, Child.
Look at the stars
Blinking their signs;
The shooting star
Burning their directions;
The glowing sky
Telling their histories.

Dear, Child.
Listen to the old songs.
See the old galaxies.
Touch the swirling dusts.
Taste the sweetness of comets.
Smell the expanding universe.
All no limit
But your definition.

Hug me
As we travel.
Trust me
As we wander.
Like I hug
You,
Like I trust
You.

Dear Child.

body and soul is like a female and a male in a marriage as discussed in classes of spirituality

in Javanese tradition body is symbolizing the female that is also the earth — accepting, submissive and intuitive; while soul is symbolizing the male that is also the heaven — giving, powerful and guiding

yet to me it’s not always that way; to me yes body and soul is like a mother and a child — the mother holding an infant (can be a girl or a boy) in a state that the mother is making sure the child is purely happy

I personally believe as long as the soul remains childlike, the body is not suffering — accepting what is is the key

about this life I sometimes don’t want to define as definition is a limit

and so I don’t force my understanding to anyone even to those I love the most because spiritual experience is very personal, cannot be forced, can only be synchronised through mutual journey

that’s why spiritual journey is called silent path; even when we’re in the same discussion room, the expansion of understanding might be different from one another

let’s accept our own silent path with no judgment

❣️

Notes: it’s my personal thought, doesn’t mean to influence anyone, a ranting of a life traveler

Yummy!

Learning, Poetic
My mouth doesn't say it
But it feels like drooling.
The charm of kitchen
Isn't the set,
It's the colours and taste
And love that fits.

today’s breakfast of day #22 at 7:15pm – prepped & ready to enjoy 😍

there is a bowl of mango and some rice crackers but photo not taken

bamboo shoots and red bean in coconut milk – so Javanese 💕

yes I love chicken heart 😁

sweet yam and mung bean stew a.k.a. kolak 💗

beltfish a.k.a. ikan layur 💗 deep fried

Look

Learning, Poetic, This Person
How do I look, Love
Before the mirror of heart
Talking honesty.

Who doesn’t want to look young or beautiful at the longest time? Looking young and beautiful is one of the best feelings in life. But how far can human beings stretch themselves to stay young?

Today I bumped into a movie in the flight from Hanoi to Singapore: The Substance in which a woman (played by Demi Moore) is struggling of being not wanted in the industry because of not looking as young anymore. The horror of doing so much to stay young gave me a wake-up call that liking it or not, I who looks younger than her age will definitely age and weaken through time.

How long can I stay young naturally?

I won’t look young all the time especially as I decided to not do expensive facial and body treatment. Factually that’s very not necessary (for me).

Truly at 65 this body is weak and can’t work as now. By then I hope that I can appropriately function as a wise soul staying in a relatively healthy body that does light works everyday until time kindly escorts me to the next gate of life.

Dear, Life.

Thank you for taking care of me.

Please always guide me to stay in the path of human being in the making as long as time allows. I might not get everything grandiose but I don’t want to lose anything precious.

Please give me big heart enough to always experience joy through all senses and to share it everyday.

Happy weekend❣️

Sun Quickly Sets

Learning, Map It!, Poetic
Who doesn't love it?
Sun that quickly sets with joy
To rise tomorrow.

sunset in the West Lake

sunset in the West Lake

sunset in the West Lake

sunset in the West Lake

after a long week, with the team enjoying sunset, the ladies always like to take photo ☺️ (near the West Lake)

closing the day around Hoan Kiem Lake

the music that sweetly hurt the heart