graphs of my Universe
Weekend morning, Love,
Grasses squirm by cold dewdrops;
Greeted by the sun.
—
Biking with those knowing how to race fairly is what weekend morning should be!
And when the ride is done everyone is just sitting at the river bank inhaling the smell of wet earth and scents of various plants under the sun that is hiding behind the rain clouds.
Happy weekend! 🚴🏼♂️🚴🏻🚴🏻♀️🚴🏼♂️🚴🏻🚴🏻♀️
Sky gate, Beloved
Once opened, cannot be closed.
Blessings shower down.
—
How would it feel to be showered with rain of blessings? Intuition is truly a blessing.
Dear, Sky. Thanks for the bright half moon last night which kept reminding me to not regret for telling genuinely with no anger about my intuition that might have offended someone.
Intuition is to be listened. Intuition is not always popping out; yet once popping out, it is always right. Yes, yes, this person is better in to be genuine than to look gorgeous. 🙂
Let’s go out to breathe the freedom and victory. Today still with Blue, let Red take a rest. 💝
Salaam.
after morning prayer
Weekend, Beloved,
When heaven moves to kitchen
Where AirPods are on—
—
It’s always good to hear from good and best friends especially at weekends in which time feels like unlimited, calls can be done while cooking or cleaning the house. Topics vary from food to rubbish, celebrity to annoying friends, spirituality to sexuality, neighbourhood to social media, history to future, measured dream to dreamy imagination, everything.
This morning a group call stopped abruptly in the middle of a topic “what’s your most interesting experience in social media”.
F1 (friend #1): You all know. We married.
F2 (friend #2): That’s happy. Try again.
F1: Scammer! It was long before this marriage. A guy put a French guy photo uploading activities of the rich handsome guy who was actually not himself and after one month I found that he was from an Asian country trying to get my money. It became a twisted plot when finally I found who he was. He made up stories that he lost his business, he tried many things but could not make it and had no choice but doing what he was doing.
F2: Was it the one you told me?
F1: Yes. You?
Me: I stalked my crush. I thought he played numbers to align with the numbers of my postings, followers and followings until finally I knew he was adjusting his numbers of postings, followers and followings to align with his fiancée’s numbers! 😫
F2: How did you know that she was the fiancée?
Me: Long story short: I found their photos having vacations to many different places every single year with one particular hashtag of their nicknames put together. They’re liking each other’s postings, too. Since then I stopped stalking him. I guess they are secretly married. Why was I so stupid? 😁
F2: Better stupid then knowing you are and so you learn. 🙂 Ok my turn. I watched porn videos.
F1, Me: What?! Where?!
F1: When?!
F2: 😂😂😂😂😂 Prank youuuuu! Of course not! I don’t have interesting experience in social media. I’m too busy with my work. Hey! Why are you both so excited? You want?
F1, Me: No!
F2: I do want.
F1: What? Say that again! I guess you have done it, you just don’t want to admit it! You’re a man and impossible to not watch that kind of videos! Don’t lie!
Me: Hmmm…. Ok, ok. That’s interesting. It’s fine just admit it.
F2: What’s wrong with you, ladies? I’m joking!
F1: (left group call)
Me: Are you there?
F2: (left group call)
Me: (feeling confused and stupid after talking to husband and wife who probably started a fight because of one failed joke)
What a (stupid) weekend! May all beings be happy.
Lesson learnt: plan your joke well esp in front of your wife! 😝
Crossroads, Beloved,
A while gauging where to go—
Follow the North Star.
—
Today’s conversation with one best friend was a bit nostalgic. She talked about how she went to spiritual class (very common in my country to do so for religion or non-religion based teachings) until finally she quit at 45. Her reason was disappointment to teachers. She asked about me and I said quit at 30’s and my disappointment was to myself.
A stubborn student, I wouldn’t listen to what teachers told me to believe or to do. I would ask questions then believed only when choosing to believe; even with good explanation, I wouldn’t believe if not interested to believe.
One example of the fool was when a particular teacher gave “daily task” to recite “Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem”, I didn’t do it even he only asked me to recite it 10x a day, while the other two were 100x a day. “No, Teacher. Why do I have to do it? I already read it as part of Alfatihah recitation in my daily prayer, that’s more than 10x a day,” said I. It was when praying was five times a day for me, oftentimes 7 times!
Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem is a sacred word uttered by Muslim or most traditional non-Muslim Javanese when starting an activity. It means “In the name of Allah The Gracious The Merciful”, some interpret it as “On behalf of Allah The Gracious The Merciful”. By reading it the reader is expected to only do good thing with good intension with love. The teacher also said that reading it we were doing self alignment: align the self with the true self, to be true to ourselves, to easily make decision and to cut short confusion and to always be blessed, to blend action with good intension.
Amazingly all teachers understood the fool and just gave a lot of smiles and books to read which annoyed her more and more. I became frustrated seeing the two good friends gained fast track understanding of life. I decided to quit then did whatever was fun fun fun ignoring the essence of being human being.
Only years later I found that self alignment is very important and I was sorry for realising it late. I finally got it why those two good friends were so peaceful while I was still struggling with almost everything. It was also the year when we found that that dear teacher passed away of old age.
Now? Learning to care more about inner journey and well being. Whatever happens to me is a consequence of my decision. If the decision is aligned with my true self, it leads to success. If the decision is false and against my true self, it leads to lesson learnt. Lesson learnt leads to better decision. Better decision leads to success. Success to me is not merely material gain, it can be simply being able to smile in tough time. This simple lesson is a result of years of battle for a stupid person like me.
My best friend asked me how now to deal with self alignment esp when in confusion.
Me: I recite Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem cumulatively 300x before night sleep.
BF: Why? Did that teacher come virtually and ask you to?
Me: No. I found that this word is my best to strengthen self-alignment between good intention and action.
BF: Why 300x? He said 10x.
Me: He discounted the price. I’m 30x more valuable than his appraisal.
BF: Arrogant fool!
Me: I’m just a fool.
BF: There are two of us.
Lesson learnt: Always find a way to see my fool not others’. Always find a way to laugh at my own self not at others’.
Alfatihah.
Surprise, Beloved,
Dew drops slide, meet in a line;
River of blessings—
—
Weekend is mostly about staying home finding sweet surprises.
Thank you for the weekly break and lots of mini blessings!
🥰
Lover, Beloved,
With whom air and joy is shared,
By whom tears soon dried—
—
Being excited about solo travel wished in near future has made me remember places visited alone years ago. One of them is Madrid. Exciting one! Also ridiculous one! This trip was where I had: Korean food for lunch (my hunger came earlier, while people in Madrid have lunch at around 2pm so the most recommended Madrid restaurant was not open yet), Chinese silk bought (order from my beautiful best friend who was craving for it), lapis lazuli earring studs purchased for €80 (found them only S$40 in Lucky Plaza, might be only IDR300,000 in Jakarta), walking around the same street 4 times to find one place that was shown very clearly in Google Map…. I was lost in mind because of too many handsome faces on the road 😂
Madrid though won’t be a city I will go alone anymore. This place is too romantic to go without a lover.
One more thing, be careful of pickpockets! Too many, too many!
Salaam. 💝
A beautiful view
Conjured by moon, sunk by sun.
It feels faraway,
A dissipating shadow.
At least I dream about you.
—
Sunday, did you conspire with the sun to snap my dream? Never mind. I’ll call the moon again to get it back. 😄
Happy Sunday!
Weekend, Beloved:
Hopping corner to corner
Building joyous vibe—
—
What a busy weekend I have! One living room, one kitchen, one balcony, one bedroom, one bathroom, one storage room, one laundry corner — all must be done on one day by one person.
Professionally it is called one on one! 🤡
Point zero, my love
Here now, unshakeable ground
After the earthquakes—
—
I’ve been a full time thinker for the past one week…. Thanks to the physical weakness brought by the virus! 🥰 And here is the ranting abridged 🙃
Life has always suggested me to walk through places where paradoxical situations exist and has made me weigh what life path should be chosen. Luckily life has always sent me angels (fallen angels included 😄) who remind me that life isn’t only about exploiting what’s considered lucrative and physically pleasant; it’s also about exploring what’s wising-up and spiritually enriching.
When I was young; books, courses, lectures, workshops were kind of “subscription” I had to shape a level of mental toughness. Yet there was exhaustion and anti-climax for intensity every now and then (good deed included 😄). Losing faith, difficulty to trust human beings and skepticism to almost everything triggered me to deconstruct my own mindset.
Another “point zero” came and brought a decision to take a course inspired by one friend named Eva (not one of my close friends but she is definitely one trusted human being). I promised to myself that this would be my LAST course to finally be unshakeable me.
I flew to Edinburgh and was driven from the airport to a place called Chisholme House by Mr Brix who became an excellent opening of my self re-discovery. He introduced me to the richness of self re-discovery even before the course started. That was when I felt so lucky to have read Ibn Arabi, Rumi and English literature although not extensively and to have learnt Javanese wisdom that is considered “local” by many of my friends (which I always disagree) as Mr Brix’ languages were using all those keywords in the repertoire from my literature reading and cultural wisdom. Indeed Mr Brix was a “gate” welcoming me to a true friendship or fellowship bonded by humanity.
The course was simply daily schedules for us to an experiencing life or “human beings who work” — physically, mentally, spiritually, socially in connection with their own self, other human beings and nature. Of course the classes was the superb! Collins, Hiroko and Aaron were excellent facilitators and to me they are role models of ordinary yet impressive human being! Collins was a loving husband and father cum the best administrator. Hiroko was a loving mother and wife cum an excellent painter! Aaron was an excellent chef cum wise philosopher! 💝
It was so normal a life that I felt so blessed. We woke up in the morning then took a bath or at least took ablution. We started the day with a group meditation — everyone: the course participants, kitchen staffs, office staffs, garden staffs, etc except those who overslept. Then we had breakfast — English breakfast! After that we started the class; the staffs started their duties. After that we had tea break then WORK! Work meant doing the assigned chores (garden, kitchen, house, laundry). After that class again then English lunch! Then lunch break for one hour. Class again. Mediation again. Work again. Afternoon tea. Personal time (we could go to the hill, forest, sleep, talk to staffs or participants, whatever). English dinner. Discussion time. Free time. Sleep…. Repeat.
Completing the “self re-discovery”, I found that life is like riding bicycle, balancing while moving. I lose, I win. I fall in love, I break heart. I get sick, I get cured. I trust, I distrust. I think, I feel. I work, I take a rest.
Balancing is about knowing the limit. I lose against someone/something but I gain wisdom. I fall in love at the same time I have to accept the unpredictable responses. I get sick then I will be cured. I trust with or without reasoning yet can also distrust because of the true or false reasoning. I think based on logic yet when logic doesn’t count, only feeling of acceptance will neutralise the situation. And, when I am tired, I should take time-out. Just like that!
And I actually graduated with flying colours from many “extra” lessons: doing laundry, washing dishes, house keeping, potato harvesting, making bread, cooking English lunch, preparing dining table, raking dry leaves, going up and down the hills in the rain, walking in the moorland, listening to silence, listening to others’ opinions, identifying and recognising true intelligent people, trusting the right people at the right time in the right place, respecting stupid idiot (myself included 😂), taking a bath in the cold morning, and more and more!
And yes, that was the last course in my life. Ordinary yet impressive, like what I always want myself to be to and for those having in touch with me.
I want to be back there not as a participant but as a guest in the English breakfast or lunch bringing a best friend who deserves an ordinary yet impressive life.
…. 💕
Thanks for today! 😴
Salaam…
—
Negative, Beloved,
New paradigm that builds life;
Breathing is blessings.
—
I thought that virus was reluctant to approach me until that funny doctor said bitterly to me last week “The Gov will SMS directly to you but these sudden symptoms give me a hint. Take care.”
After some inconsistent (+) and (-), being a lethargic patient (the virus pulled all muscles down) and a slow thinker (MZ sent me a confusing email of mine) of home quarantine, I’m back to my own self!
Thanks for toning this pride down. I was not that healthy.
Thanks for curing me. I’m dependent on You.
💝
Say hi, Beloved,
To those making you feel good.
Life is abundant.
—
When very good plan and very bad weather collide, it takes just a breath to be back to feeling good mode.
Life is too abundant to consider a lost day a loss.
Woman, Beloved,
Toughness in art of beauty—
Eyes only see skin.
—
The word “soul” is “nafs” in Arabic, its gender is feminine. It gives me a strong hint that being born as a woman is never a coincidence to me. The feminine quality that is naturally attached to woman is the one grammatically (at least in one oldest language with meticulously accurate vocabulary to attribute meanings), culturally, spiritually attached to the soul too and it should be a good sign that it should not be difficult to sensitively connect to the spirituality rather than to physical (badaniyyun in Arabic) whose original gender is masculine.
Woman, qualifying herself with femininity means strengthening her natural gift and getting closer to the Soul through spirituality.
Weekend is almost over. Next week is physically and intellectually tough. Hope this shallow spirituality can strengthen me in some way.
Welcome, new week! I need to gift you a bucket of alfatihah to calm down. 💝
Witness, Beloved,
Umbrella in rainy days,
Locked door in dark nights—
—
Still celebrating my hair!
Not every woman likes growing long hair. I do love it. I did short hair in some period of time: senior high school when short hair gave privilege to be called “not too girl” and some recent years when busy days took away the hair time.
Now the long hair period has claimed its prime time back and ready to witness the joy shared by its owner.
May all beings be happy.
A lady is walking to the lake.
An empty clay jar sits on her waist.
Her hair is hanging loose,
Listening to love songs, waving to the sky.
Sitting, she looks down
Saying hi to her reflection on and on.
My hair, thanks for growing long
And for listening to my love songs.
A lady is walking back to home.
A clay jar full of water sits on her waist.
Her hair is waving by the wind:
Spreading patchouli fragrance, calming down the lane.
Walking, she looks forward
Humming her best love songs.
My hair, thanks for spreading good scent
And making my life so fragrant.
My hair, thanks for being silken
And keeping this flame ardent.
My hair, grow grow long.
My hair, listen to these love songs.
My hair, stay here
Until home is welcoming me.
—
Each and every one deserves love and appreciation. Today I took longer time to scrutinise and caress my hair; this stubborn tough protein deserves love and appreciation, too.
A hymn for my hair is not too much, an extra love after shampoo to clean, conditioner to soften and sometimes hair dye to match the mood.
🪶
Time to hibernate?
You
Have got everything:
A sweetest smile,
A cheery hello,
A loving look,
A warm hug,
A good kiss
All in loving care.
Yet in all daydreams of closeness and connection….
I wish to give
You a warm kiss,
Yet impossible
As
You are too high
Up the sky;
I hope to give
You a pretty daffodil
Yet unlikely
As
You are too disguised
Behind the curtain;
I want to spread for
You a good breakfast
Yet too early
As
You wake up too late
In another day;
I want to paint
You a red torii
Yet too trivial
As
You know torii much
Better than me;
I am writing
You secret love poems
Yet in vain
As
You don’t even care
They exist.
Beloved,
Breath is with what I count life.
Breath is in what I save love.
Breath is on what I paint faith.
A warm kiss,
A pretty daffodil,
A good breakfast,
A red torii,
And secret love poems
Have livened this breathing
Although
You have got
A sweetest smile,
A cheery hello,
A loving look,
A warm hug,
A good kiss
All in loving care.
Beloved,
I only wish
You behind the curtain
See me breathing
For and with
You.
—
This long weekend of Eid Al-Adha is turning to brighter space with slow breathing, daydreaming and chili party.
Happy Eid Al-Adha, family and friends. Hope we are blessed with closeness and connection with the Source of Love.
Alhamdulillah 💝
I’ll send
You postcards.
Cards with white flower
On white paper
And some messages
On white ink
That will glow
When
You bring it to the dark.
Only
You and I know what it is
Until one day
You bring the light
To burn it or frame it.
—
Dear you…. 💝
This cart, Beloved,
Been through deserts and oceans,
It now resides here.
—
Sometimes she just doesn’t want any. It’s just enough to be what is. Sitting down, ignoring planned route, forgetting prescribed destination, letting other travelers pass by with no hallo or hi, enjoying silence, remembering what’s not describable through resting senses….
…. Not anything….
…. Of nothing….
…. In everything….
Wishing, Beloved,
Upon a star where dreams sit
Waiting to be picked
One by one to the bucket
Before the steps reach the home—
—
Many dreams look so much near. Places to go on earth displayed in Pinterest lengthen the list and be a good escape for mind every weekend before dosing off. Can only wish that the lengthened list lengthens the life, pushing the EOL later and later— 🤗
Some dreams can’t even be described…. You are as near as far away…. 🙃
Happy weekend. Oops long weekend.
Bouquet, Beloved,
A bunch of symbols arranged
Through fragrance and hues.
—
Amaryllis: strength and determination
Daffodil: honesty, truth and forgiveness
Eucalyptus: division of the underworld, earth and heaven (Aboriginal wisdom); inner and outer strength, leadership
Gladiolus: faithfulness and integrity
Lily of the valley: sincerity and joy
Sunflower: loyalty and unconditional love
Tendril: growth, softness, flexibility (Javanese wisdom)
Deep dive, Beloved,
To where soft bodies guard light
Wisdom of the dark
—
Nowhere is better than within, where price tag is no longer a concern, where silence and acceptance is currency, where no one looks evil or harmless, where only gratitude and peace reside, where no colour distracts, where pain and joy are blended to ecstatic reality….
….where I finally get sleepy 😁
Salaam.
Reading, Beloved
Deciphering messages
Sent by soul that shines—
—
Sending my warm regards to all readers in the world. Hope we’re all blessed with wisdom and fun from reading and what is read.
Salaam…. 🙏🏼
Kinokuniya SG – calm Saturday afternoon after Japanese class with Honda Sensei
Welcome, Beloved,
To where you belong. The home
That keeps missing you.
—
They are welcoming me home with love ♥️
Got lost, Beloved,
Standing in a night-market
Seeing all the cheers—
—-
Blessed life, Beloved,
Chains of weeks with good content
Closed with happy ends—
—
Weekend!
Again?
I’ve been curious how many weekends I’ve lived.
Way more than 2000!
Are there more good weekends than not so good ones? After some contemplation the answer is yes! There have been way more good weekends in my life! Thanks to laughter and clumsiness naturally blessed to me.
Hope to live thousands of more healthy weeks and commit to spend them gloriously!
If not given that long? Still enjoy! Or if given too short, negotiate! Don’t disappoint this human being, God. 😶
Rock this weekend!!!
Love at the first sight
To what’s captured by senses
And stays in the heart—
—
One beloved person called me asking why I didn’t attend a nephew’s wedding party yesterday. I said I couldn’t as I’ve been physically “beaten up” because of an accident recently. After what happened, sorry and better be careful, don’t go biking at night, wear the right shoes; she started ranting….
“What are you looking for in life? Look at your nephews and nieces getting married one by one. They wish their best wishes for you but you don’t seem to care. You’d better find one man and get married and they will attend your wedding party with all love and gifts.”
“Not my priority”, I said.
“What is your priority? Your work? Your dream? What?”
It is sometimes annoying to be a single woman in a society in which marriage is highly appreciated and considered as highway to happiness. I feel so lucky for living overseas away from those caring so much about me so I can enjoy my life the way I love to. Many of my single girl friends call me now and then telling me how tiring it is to answer the same questions again and again even when they don’t seem to have problems for not getting married. We are mentally and financially stable. 😁
“Ok, tell me I’ll find one. I know you won’t want one like your last. Tell me.”
“Sexually straight and not abusive in any way possible.”
“That’s easy! It is just you so difficult! Sometimes you just have to give up your priority or your love. I got married without love and it goes well. Many of us do and it goes well. Know that we worry about you.”
Alamak….
Weekend still goes well. And I’m happily looking forward to another week.
Life is a mystery, and so is love. I love my life and I don’t worry. 🥰
the right place possible – Jun. 19, 2022/17:12
Find love, Beloved,
Through the air breathed in and out.
No end of blessings-
—
Weekend is about breathing with zero sighing.
Can’t imagine life with no space to just stop for a while. 💝
She is all children
Playing, pushing the limits
Before time for home.
—-
Adults at home often reprimanded young me for going home late missing timely afternoon bath or going home dirty playing in the river or paddy field. As a child I was confused why adults didn’t like playing; worse is they tried stopping me from having fun, while we children didn’t even do any harm when playing.
Reading a message from someone “Stay safe. Enjoy life.”, there is optimism that life is still playful even among those working crazily hard although level and perception about enjoyment differs from person to person based on whatever limit the prefer to use: culture, law, moral values, religion, contracted ethics conduct, etc. Mine is still the same: traveling along the river and going home late minus mud (sometimes at the bike wheels) and adults’ criticism.
Weekend is always refreshing. Welcome, Monday! I’ve been nice to you, please be nice to me! (transaction starts at the end of a weekend)
Salaam.
Married, Beloved,
To your shadow that follows
Wherever I go.
Divorced, Beloved,
From your doubt that hunts and haunts
Wherever I hide.
—-
One very long chat decorated a night. A childhood friend did sharing about what she had experienced when we were away for about 10 years, busy with our own life. This is her promise to tell the full story after giving hints and looking puzzled when meeting me.
She married thrice. First husband died of illness. Second abused and cheated her and so they divorced. Third one, this one has brought a lot of stories and enlightenment.
How she finally decided the third after the traumatic second has strengthened about my own lesson in life – acceptance. How she lets a seemingly perfect person be with her imperfect figure does add amazement about one of my loyalist. How she ignores words and stares from people disapproving her behaviours has told me she is still girl going foraging in the wild with me in our lively early age.
She hit me with some bitter comments about my complicated points. She ridiculed me for being so guarding and distant from risking broken heart to happen. She also highlighted how her love transforms to friendship that I would have not believed can happen to her – she is not a “friendship-friendly” type of person, she is a snapping turtle 😑
There are things she has regretted about all 3 decisions but the regret has brought her to a final realisation that her life has shaped her into a composed, mature woman strong yet flexible enough to be beautifully bent by the hardship of life. The pain pays off, she said. What a beautiful creature my dear friend is! 😘😘😘
This weekend has given me another package of lessons from our childhood. A blast from the past!
Weekend is still long. I’d better have more fun!
May all beings be happy! 🙏🏼
Longing for
You
Is not
Because
Of
Love.
The opposite:
This love
Is
An expansion
Of
Longing for
You.
This room
Is
Full of
Longing for
You
And
Only love
Can define
You.
Failure
Of meeting you
Is
A pain,
Yet
Not
Suffering
These wings flap ahead
As
A view of
You
Zooming in and out
Giving a clue.
This love
Travels deeper
To a secret chamber
Where the gate
Finally finds the end.
Everything looks like you.
Everywhere locates you.
Every time shows you.
Hey, you!
Is it
You?
—-
⛩
rike jokanan 
You must be logged in to post a comment.