No one, Ibu But You Who loves me without questioning, Trusts me without doubting, Gives all to me without expecting, Lets go off your belonging for me without counting, Does all for me without calculating. Is it because you are a perfect human being? But no! It's because you see your perfection in me and See my imperfection in you.
I always said I don't want to be like you. You're too perfect to be copied: Your patience: Being abandoned, Left, Betrayed, Cheated, Lied to, Hated, Marginalised, And so much more. Your gift: Being generous, Kind, Soft, Lovely, Caring, Acceptant, Lovable, Humane, And so much more.
Dear, Ibu. I want to talk about you All the time now Because I can't talk to you Anymore.
Yes I can But without your voice Kicking softly on my eardrums Giggling about our silly days.
But I assure you: I am letting you go wholeheartedly, I will take care of your legacy, I will love those whom you love, too.
Terima kasih ya Sudah jadikanku bagian badanmu, Bagian jiwamu, Bagian hidupmu. Cuma kamu yang tiap pagi WhatsApp aku selama 13 tahun setiap pagi di manapun aku berada. Aku kadang sebel Tapi sering tidak sebel, Aku suka. Rasanya seperti kau manja. Aku janji hanya kuingat yang bikin aku makin dekat denganmu. Sedihmu, Bahagiamu, Sakitmu, Sehatmu, Janjimu, Cintamu.
you might not be the smartest woman on earth but trust me, Ibu you are the wisest of all – I won’t replace you with anyone
Ibu, Thank you for becoming the gate for me to this life. One day I said to you, "Who knows I'll have a daughter like you have me?" You said, "Amen. Pray. All is good." Then I said to you again, "Do you love me?" You said, "All mothers love the children." I said again, "But I think you love my brothers better because they are men and I'm a woman who is not considered more valuable in our tradition?" You smiled saying, "You are stronger. Much stronger."
If I'm in a trip, I'd be with the Lone Ranger, Or with my Tonto.
I’m 50 years old next week. I still want to live next many years in good health although this body needs to compromise with speed and strength. And I want to have more trips– both professional and personal.
While professionally I go alone almost all of the time and not expect to change it; I’d like to have a travel buddy personally.
He should be….
😎
someone that knows how to pack nicely both in backpack & suitcase
someone that doesn’t have to stay in 5-star as long as it’s with me
someone that doesn’t bother to have ice cream because the restaurant is fully booked
someone who is not ashamed to have fun in simple way although it looks weirdly cheap
someone who likes to sing under the rain
someone who rides motorbike… yaaay!
who drives much better than I do
he’s my Lone Ranger or Tonto, whichever he needs to be when with me
who?
not sure, I won’t overthink as I can find all those within me except the driving one 😁
I’m gonna be 50 &
yes I’m just me that’s gonna be 50 wholeheartedly.
What's beauty today? Ants partying in some blooms For sweetness of life--
no, I don’t want to focus on what I experience as bitterness too long
why should I age with heavy burdens if I can live in my second half of my life with light heart (that’s if I live 100 years)
I will see bitter day just as a bitter gourd for me to carve to be beautiful garnish or to cook in nice recipe; or better seeing it as bitter dark chocolate 😘
I just won’t let others play around as they love to tease others fr sport; no! My life is too precious to waste just for those who think life is fun when wasted with no clear design 🥰
Beauty today, Love Is about about colours and shapes Softly touch the heart.
as close as I could, I felt a tap on my broken heart telling me “life is just like that, beauty lies on the tiniest part of your own heart, not others'”
at closer glance the colours gave me some soft touch on my heart who is longing for honest heart to talk about love, life with sufficient laughter
today I worked under a tamarind tree across a construction site and found a tiny beauty, a grass flower inviting me with its enticing colours
There's a basket of blockers Called assumption Built about me and you. That everyone wants to be famous; Forgetting that in different occasion he says all is love.
There's a basket of blockers Called assumption Built about me and you. That you are untouchable by my love; Denying that in different occasion she is in love.
There's a basket of blockers Called assumption Built about me and you. That you belong to them and not me; Claiming that certain human beings don't deserve the others.
dear Life, please give me what you call true love, not what is seen true love;
& life as light as feathers that can fly a bird,
life as deep as an underground chamber that keeps all secrets,
love that is free from any blockers except you between me and you
I've asked myself all my life: Have you ever thought what this life is for? You're born. You die. You struggle. You cry. You suffer. You rant. You're full. You sleep. You're fulfilled. You forget. You're numb. You're silent.
If it's really You that this life is about, Am I really needed? Am I really wanted?
Yet the echoes of the quest go on. Your answers feel like algae converting light to feed my days with Hope that you embrace me, with Fear that it will end when I still owe you promises.
I can't answer it clearly until today.
It becomes like a love story In which falling in love is either inserted with broken-hearted acceptance or ended with broken hearted let-go.
That I live for You, because of You, in You, through You is a journey between a lover longing for the beloved who might care but care; who might love but hate, who might exist but not exist.
Have you ever thought what this life is for? I said yes and yes and yes to You, and for You.
Guidance
Amouge, Guidance – it’s about you guiding me to you
bought it when in Sydney
slided the box out of the outer cover
one of my best gift to myself – a scent that guides
One, two, Beloved, Numbers to start a journey To the zero point.
With ageing I am able to feel the surge of high energy I experienced before. With broken heart I’m so thankful that I’ve got love in this heart. With thirst I appreciate how freshness of water cures me. With the stuck in the head I become more and more familiar that flowing is the only way to love. With scarcity I can grow sense of gratitude with even just a little hope in life.
It’s you. Yes, it’s you. None other but you that makes me. None other but you that puts meaning on the word me. None other but you that moves all this life within me.
How can I be feeling so detached….
If you are the one attaching in all my senses?
If you are the one behaving with this corpse?
If you are the one drawing a circle for me to circumambulate until the two dots meet?
Kata guruku hati harus ringan, Harus. Kata guruku langkah harus pasti, Harus. Kata guruku badan harus rajin, Harus. Kata guruku hidup harus berserah, Harus. Susahnya! Laku kuganti guru. Ngomongnya begini: Buat apa jadi manusia kalau tidak punya hati bahagia? Kalau kerjanya bermalas-malas diombang-ambing angan-angan? Kalau kerjanya memaksa semua dengan maunya?
Duh! Berguru di mana-mana sama! Aku duduk di depan patung Dorna, Pendeta legenda, Sebagai Ekalaya aku berpura-pura.
Bambang Ekalaya (Anggraeni’s husband), most loyal male wayang to his teacher
Dewi Anggraeni (Ekalaya’s wife), most loyal female wayang to her husband
I value friendship, as it is the best I can gift to those I love. Yet some of mine didn’t work well. Just recently one friend sent messages to someone to tell me that she no longer wanted to befriend with me. Her messages were big anger described through words that to me sounded like unreasonable accusations: that I only needed her in need, that she didn’t trust my intension of not inviting her to the hotel where I stayed, that I was not her true friend, that she would not contact me anymore, and so on.
I was upset and said to the “messenger”: Thanks for reading me her messages, please don’t forward the written messages to me, please help delete.”
I got hurt with the hurting accusations. I began to calculate what and how much I had done for her versus what she had done for me. 15-year friendship ended with a message without clarification…. What a tragic comedy!
I got hurt. A short drama started to mount within me….
Until….
Today I met someone who happened to be her friend and mine, who informed me that her mother just passed away after the Idul Fitri. Innalillaahi wa innaa ilaihi rajiun.
And that’s when I knew why she became so sensitive.
She never informed me that her mother passed away. it’s probably her fault.
One time in Ramadhan she sent one message of asking for a call but I was in a massive headache so I didn’t even reply to anyone’s messages including hers. So maybe I also missed some updates from her. It’s probably my faults.
I don’t know; I don’t want to prolong the drama.
I sent her a condolence message. I don’t hope anything but her acceptance of what is.
I’m telling myself that I’m good and play the Ho’oponopono repeatedly to let go off what’s not.
I’m sorry, my own self for being negative. Please forgive me. I thank you. I love you.
Dear Home, Welcome me With your warm heart That beats with love, And trust.
Do you know how I miss You? Your walls with my paintings, Your ceiling with the down light, Your floor with shine after vacuum, Your roof after washed by rain, Your fragrance that is me.
How are you? Are you as spacious as before installed with furniture? I won't add more. Are you serene after some music played? I won't play more. Are you bright after curtain hung? I won't put those too thick. I hope you're still a home Even after I come. Even I hope you become more homey After that.
Please know I only wanted those loving to be here But then that's not fair. So you'll see bad people around, I promise that won't be long and make sure one will only visit once, And only very few. Vibe clear! So only those with clarity want to stay long.
Please know I want fireflies to be around at night So you'll be pretty with the tiny bright dots blinking cheerfully.
Please know, dear Home That you are built now By this wandering self With a loving hope To meet You Very soon.
Dear, Home.
listening to this song this whole day; yes I can do it to any song that builds a good mood
Sal Priadi’s songs sound like romantic mantra to me especially this one
The strength is his lyrics: simple yet poetic
Lyrics
Kita usahakan rumah itu Dari depan akan tampak sederhana Tapi kebunnya luas Tanamannya mewah, megah
Kita usahakan rumah itu Dari depan akan tampak sederhana Tapi dibuat kuat Dirancang muat, lega
Urusan perabotan dan wangi-wangian Kuserahkan pada s’leramu yang lebih maju Tapi tata ruang, aku ikut pertimbangkan Kar’na kalau nanti kita punya kesibukan
Malam tetap kumpul di meja panjang Ruang makan kita Berbincang tentang hari yang panjang
Kita usahakan rumah itu Dari depan akan tampak sederhana Tapi penerangannya Diracik begitu romantis
Urusan perabotan dan wangi-wangian Kuserahkan pada s’leramu yang lebih maju Tapi tata ruang, aku ikut pertimbangkan Kar’na kalau nanti kita punya kesibukan
Malam tetap kumpul di meja panjang Ruang makan kita Berbincang tentang hari yang panjang
Boleh kamu keliling dunia Dan temukan banyak tempat-tempat ‘tuk singgah Sementara
Kamu boleh namai itu rumah Selama ada m’reka yang kamu cinta Di dalamnya
Dear, Child. Look at the stars Blinking their signs; The shooting star Burning their directions; The glowing sky Telling their histories.
Dear, Child. Listen to the old songs. See the old galaxies. Touch the swirling dusts. Taste the sweetness of comets. Smell the expanding universe. All no limit But your definition.
Hug me As we travel. Trust me As we wander. Like I hug You, Like I trust You.
Dear Child.
body and soul is like a female and a male in a marriage as discussed in classes of spirituality
in Javanese tradition body is symbolizing the female that is also the earth — accepting, submissive and intuitive; while soul is symbolizing the male that is also the heaven — giving, powerful and guiding
yet to me it’s not always that way; to me yes body and soul is like a mother and a child — the mother holding an infant (can be a girl or a boy) in a state that the mother is making sure the child is purely happy
I personally believe as long as the soul remains childlike, the body is not suffering — accepting what is is the key
about this life I sometimes don’t want to define as definition is a limit
and so I don’t force my understanding to anyone even to those I love the most because spiritual experience is very personal, cannot be forced, can only be synchronised through mutual journey
that’s why spiritual journey is called silent path; even when we’re in the same discussion room, the expansion of understanding might be different from one another
let’s accept our own silent path with no judgment
❣️
Notes: it’s my personal thought, doesn’t mean to influence anyone, a ranting of a life traveler
rike jokanan 
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