graphs of my Universe
Good life, Beloved
Surrounded by them most loved
In green serene air—
—-
I like to tell some colleagues that I’ll be the host for our reunion dinner in my home 15 years from now. It must be a good time to talk about how we’re doing what we’re doing.
Though not soon, ‘m looking forward to a long life to make it happen.
See you in a green serene garden, fellas! 🥳
Temasek – Apr. 19, 2022 / 19:33
It’s silence
Filling the air,
Expanding time that kills
With infinity and mystery.
This strand has threaded millions of pearls of breathing taken one by one.
This is also a ribbon that goes miles and miles scripted with memories loaded with emotions.
There is one last pearl and there is a period. Only time knows at which point—
Only flowers can fill the gap while waiting.
They are food and garnish at the same time,
Bride and groom,
Prayer and curse,
Bright and pale,
Symbolised and clarity,
Birth and death,
Duality in one bouquet.
This lounge feels alive
With the flower arrangement sitting at the corner,
Silently
Accompanying everyone
Waiting to depart.
————
Life is forever, crossing one bridge to another. Alfatihah.
Temasek – Apr. 18, 2022 / 20:14
Away from real life
In real life: watching movie—
One perfect weekend!
——
Good movie is not always that with good cinematography quality, to me good movie is one released and on when there are many to run away from for some time in real life. Sitting in a huge space among those we don’t know feels like a freedom with responsible limit: we enjoy ourselves and try our best not to disturb others who are enjoying the same thing with us in different way — some people scream watching some scenes, I simply close eyes and block ears; some giggle, I laugh loudly; others eat and drink, I enjoy Fisherman’s Friend, and so on, and so forth.
Life is full of blessings if we can see it from the right point of view.
Salaam.
Temasek – Apr. 17, 2022 / 21:15
Woven coloured threads
Build a spread of table cloth,
Freshening guests’ eyes.
——-
While white is the most beautiful colour, bright colours are good choices to brighten most days!
Welcome, tired eyes to a realm of colours.
Salaam.
Singapore – Apr. 14, 2022 / 21:00
It’s dark, Beloved,
I’m afraid. Where should I go?
Walk through the shushed wind.
————
One wise teacher said,”Your path might be dark and you can’t see anything but don’t worry, my child as the hearing works without the light.
Listen. Listen carefully”.
Singapore – Apr. 13, 2022 / 21:22
You have to believe
Nature lives with you, ruling
Games in which you are.
See colours. Watch shapes. Seasons,
Patterns count the scores to make.
Fruits rot. Flowers sere.
Leaves fall. Trunks topple. Roots die.
This plant is a name
In encyclopaedia,
Memory of its climbers.
——-
This body has expiry date. I’m seeing it deteriorates in time. What will be something of me left behind?
Temasek, Ramadhan 11 / 5:55am
I want to not eat
But get full. My palate says
“Go talk to the wall”.
—————————————————
My palate is greedy yet very loving and worth loving. It tells me to eat more tasty food although I’m not hungry. In Ramadhan it whispers to me, coaxing me to “collect good-looking food” on the day to reward my good deed through breakfast (ifthar). Damn good influencer!
Dear, Ms Palate. At least please support my weight loss program. 😚
Intoxicated
Without drink, just dream of you.
Sensing from afar—
From a distance it is you.
The true you? A perceived you?
—————————————————————-
I learn about fasting gradually, starting from child’s fasting to earn presents then knowing it as shoum then as shiyam. All refer to the same activity but have different level of loaded meanings. In Arabic when word is added with one letter, the type of word changes, the voice changes and the depth or load of meaning also changes. The word صوم (shoum) has three letters, while صيام (shiyam) consists of four letters. Therefore, the word shiyam has a deeper meaning than the word shoum. There are even some circles that distinguish the meaning of the two words.
The word shiyam means to refrain from things that cancel (eating, drinking, sexual intercourse) performed with good intention, while the word shoum means leaving things that cancel fasting or not talking. In the Quran the word shoum can be found when Maryam the mother of Prophet Isa (Jesus) intended to stop eating and talking after the birth of him. While shiyam can be found as an instruction to do fasting in Ramadhan month.
I wish my fasting flies to the place where even Angel Gabriel (Jibril) can’t go in then my fasting goes back bringing me better understanding of how a human being should serve the living.
May all beings be happy.
❣️
When not in the mood,
Cook the special instant food.
Incredibly good!
——————————————————
Sweetness, Beloved,
A limit everyone sets.
She has for good words,
Not for sugar. It is fine.
World gives space to all tastes.
————————————————————-
Life can be seen from many different perspectives. It can look bitter, sometimes sweet but the level of bitterness and sweetness is not standardisable. If someone wants to set a standard of bitterness based on her/his limit, s/he will suffer for her/himself. 😁
May all beings be happy (with different level of sweetness)❣️
There is a crystal clear ribbon
Flying through a cavity
Bringing a message
About love
To whom
I say
“This painting is made for you from the first stroke to the last dot in the artist’s signature.”
I’m mixing colours to find the best hue to paint you.
I’m balancing the real and unreal to find the vibe of you.
I’m panning my own work to find if this is truly a gift or stolen relic from you.
I keep these hands engraving
But eyes focusing on you.
All to find you.
And every second I can see myself reading another message on another ribbon:
“Is this a hide-and-seek?
Or simply a peek-a-boo?”
Ahh! You maybe only smile, enjoying the scene of how funny this could be.
——————
Up and down the hills
The feet walk, the heart stands still.
Journey of the nights—
———————————————————
Nights and days are the consequences of sun and moon fixed courses. Or is it the other way around: sun and moon fixed courses are existing due to the need of nights and days in this particular planet.
Many say day is for activities, night is for resting. I don’t deny but I have my own interpretation of activities and resting. Activity is when all my concentration is for transactional economy, resting is when my concentration is for relaxation and personal. Rest day? Of course all my rest days will become nights. 💞
Thanks for giving me days and nights.
May all beings be happy❣️
Regret and sorry
Not easy to feel and say,
Yet flushing the guilt.
Look! It’s rain water pouring
On the roof, sweeps away dirt.
—————————————————
Ramadhan is starting tomorrow, it’s my 38th year in which I do full fasting. I’m so grateful with this achievement. Achievement? Yes! Imagine for one full month during the day we don’t drink, we don’t eat, we don’t smoke, we don’t sex, we don’t let out uncontrolled emotion, we simply hold whatever we normally let out easily with no delay. We are human beings though, we can do all those at night. Ahem!
As a Javanese Muslim welcoming Ramadhan is as special as the fasting itself. We welcome the Ramadhan with a small celebration called megengan which literally means holding (esp. the breath).
In megengan a Javanese family will deliver a basket of rice with dishes to neighbours and extended family members living separately. While each family can choose what they share, there is one must specialty in this occasional delivery so called “apem” in Javanese or “kue apam” in Bahasa Indonesia or Malay.
Apem is steamed cake whose ingredients are rice flour, coconut milk, coconut water, yeast, sago starch and some sugar.
The word apem is derived from the word “afwun” (an Arabic word) meaning apology. Why apology? In Ramadhan when a Muslim is fasting, s/he is not only holding her/himself from hunger, thirst, lust, uncontrolled anger, and exercising her/his integrity; but s/he is also recommended to contemplate her/his own “action records” for the past one year. It is not easy for one to bear the guilt during the contemplation, so it is recommended for a Muslim before Ramadhan to apologise to their family and friends or to whomever s/he did wrongdoing, to ease the contemplation process. As it might not be easy to say sorry through a naked word, Javanese Muslim will include a symbolic apology in the food called apem when they deliver the whole food package. Everyone knows what it is, what it does— it is up to each person whether or not to accept the apology. And there they go starting the fasting month with a light heart to physically, mentally and spiritually exercise her/himself for one full month.
I used to think that that celebration was a waste of food. For one week I used to see sooooo many plastic and bamboo baskets piled up in our dining table and shelves — all those megengan packages which would be eaten just a bit and end up given to our chickens at the back yard. Fyi, the apem is never wasted though as every family has different taste and ways of how to make their best apem – maybe it’s a symbol that everyone is taking the apology seriously. I used to say to my mom that megengan was more about chickens celebrating than human beings celebrating. However after I understand what is symbolised through those simple deliveries, I highly appreciate the way we Javanese hold the integrity through our humble tradition.
I used to tell my mother to not do it, but now I’ve always been a reminder to her to not forget doing it and done it myself although I’m living around those not familiar with this tradition. I normally cook some simple food for the cleaning ladies and the gardeners who are assigned in the block two days before Ramadhan. Unfortunately minus the apem, simply because I am not confident enough to make my own apem. Tried this year though and failed 🙃
I promise to myself that this year is gonna be a good Ramadhan.
Welcome, month of holding, month of exercising integrity. It might not be always easy but doable.
I’m sending out apology to all the people having felt hurt by me. I’m sorry with my heart and soul in naked words. 🙏🏼
May all beings be happy.
How are you, flowers?
You’ve greeted me with colours,
Loved me with fragrance.
The canvas has been waiting
To perpetuate your beauty.
———————————————————-
Only heaven knows when the “flowers on canvas” project will be completed. Let’s take picture of flowers before painting them.
Soon! Soon!
Smile is a good mask
Than a mask can be. A mask
Masks a masking smile.
What masks a mask? Or who does?
Unmask! A soul has missed you.
————————————————————-
Sometimes she doesn’t know why she feels a blissful joy. She tries her best to find a reason but seems to fail. When people ask why she looks radiant on certain day, she will just say I love the food, I love the weather, I love this, I love that — simply for courtesy with a bit of honesty compromised due to inability to give exact reason.
Perhaps the reason is because the footprints of falling in love is greater than the scars of broken heart. Alas! It might not be. Or, it might be. Come on, it might not be. Ah! That’s not important.
Oh? She doesn’t know. And it is ok to feel that way – blissfully joyful with unknown reason like when she is falling in love, unreasonable — her love did go to that that she never ever thought of getting on the way then suddenly gone away.
Tragic comedy! 🙃
❣️
Laughter is healing
And killing at the same time.
Lessons for two sides—
———————————————————-
Many people love laughing at funny jokes and at themselves. Yet secretly perhaps they feel some jokes are crossing the line. I myself don’t always tell those friends who make either impolite or improper jokes about me or about someone/something in front of me especially when I know they don’t have sensitivity to listen to others’ feedback. Bitter smiles or sharp shrugging then making effort to change the topics are my bad strategy – yes, I’m a coward and (to some extent) stupid. So far most friends know but some new people don’t (want to) know and keep acting funny with their own limits making fun of others.
There is always a limit; however some limits are not easy to define and pertaining to private life and can only be understood by the individual. Moreover, where privacy is already “co-owned” by public (celebrity, politician, spiritual leaders, etc), the limit might be vague, misunderstood or disagreeable.
Harassment, publicly, privately, verbally, mentally, physically are all not acceptable. Verbal one sounds less painful but hey! No one wants one’s family members to be fooled around and laughed out loud if it’s related to disability or illness.
And hey! A slap on the face can be medically treated especially if not severe BUT the embarrassment and resentment can sustain. Oh hey! Sometimes it can be well capitalized…. Especially in that particular place where money is the foundation of almost everything.
In a nutshell both are violence!
Punchline got punched!
Ouch! Ouch! Ooouuuch!!!
Perfume, Beloved,
Won’t be enjoyed by blocked nose.
Eyes though see bottle,
But the fragrance goes away
Leaving no trace but the spray.
—————————————————————
Once I had a chat about “Touch ‘n Go” card of Malaysia. One Malaysian friend made what he called a joke “Life is like touch and go la. You touch then you go la. As long as you pay, it is ok! The problem is after touch and go, you realise you run out of fuel and there is no gas station there, then you are stranded in the middle of nowhere.” None of us laughed. He said “Alamak! You all don’t get it la! Boy’s joke, boy’s joke!’
Only today I can really get it. I should text him to confirm a fresh understanding. He must be happy receiving a message from a long lost friend who is now “smart enough”. 😁
I prefer not to live like “touch and go in nice cars” touching here and there for temporary pleasure then losing the ability to detach from irresponsible people who can only suck joy out from my only self through the excessively irresponsible exchange of memories. I prefer “going on foot” consciously although it looks less luxurious.
‘d only build precious memories with those reciprocally loving me and not playing touch and go 💝
May all beings be happy.
Calm breeze blows her hair,
Pulls memories out of head.
Filling the fresh air—
Water soaks flowers,
Distills their fragrance slowly.
Diffusing the scents—
—————————————————-
Weekend is studying, doing laundry, cleaning home, and listening to things. Cooking? Not today, I’ll skip the healthful food 🦸🏻♀️
Red leaves, Beloved
Gracefully fall on the lap
Of Mother Nature,
Garnishing coloured autumn
Welcoming benign winter.
Dream, dream, Beloved.
As vibrant as you wish to,
As sweet as you want.
You’re red leaves lightheartedly
Flying decorating life.
—————————————————————
I wish all my good dreams come true. And all of yours, too 🙏🏼
Salam.
Time travels with you
To where good memories sit,
Waiting to rejoice.
———————————————————-
When I was a girl, I got sick very often. Yet what I remember the most isn’t the pain but is how my family would take care of me. Of course they medically treated me either at home or hospitalised, but there was a unique way I can never forget what my mother, father and siblings did extra.
My father would chant Javanese mantra that would calm me down. My mother would wrap me with a sheet of batik cloth before putting the next thicker blanket. And of course siblings especially sisters would sleep with me the whole night.
What Javanese mantra chanted by father? Oh can’t remember! What batik, I definitely remember it and now own it for the same need; covering myself with batik gringsing when sick.
Gringsing is one of the oldest batik background patterns in Java. It is thousands of tiny square with a dot in the center symbolising “sedulur papat kalima pancer” (literally means 4 siblings and 1 core as the fifth) the cosmic balance of human reality in Javanese wisdom. And through the philosophy it is believed that when a Javanese human is sick, s/he is cosmically imbalanced and needs to be balanced. Physically s/he is medically treated, metaphysically s/he is cured with gringsing the balance symbol.
Gringsing is an acronym of gring or gering (sick, not well, ill) and sing (not); gringsing means not sick anymore. Oh! That simple! Made by hand! Oh! Not that simple!
What a blessed human being!
Across rainbow bridge,
Wings bring a tiny light up
High to where it glows.
————————————————————-
I’m surrounded by animal lovers and rescuers. Every now and then I see how they struggle with animals in pain or death. It’s not easy each time those friends have to say good bye but at the same time they learn again and again that the best end is by releasing sincerely and being released sincerely.
Happy journey, Dear. Thanks for all the lessons you have taught us.
Alfatihah 💝🙏🏼
What is a fun day?
Sugar in brioche and milk
In macchiato—
It’s about flower in its life cycle.
A flower blooms, dries to fall off or falls to dry at time in place for a given moment. It lives then dies. It blossoms or prematurely drops.
Some flowers are admired, some are not even noticed. Some are vibrantly coloured, some are dead dull. Some are meticulous, some are straightly simple. Some produce edible fruits, some the poisonous.
It’s about flower, the beauty in itself, although most view points perceive the look differently. Absolute beauty sits where it is, lingering forever as values and concepts. Relative beauty fades away through aging, some even without being remembered as memory or history.
It’s about flower, the one in a palace and that in a lawn.
Salam. Alfatihah.
Even though they’re weed,
They’re flower, ready to bloom.
Truly as they are.
———————————————————
Respect each other as all of us have become us with no choice but traveling the paths we’ve agreed to sign up. Early termination doesn’t apply; life is about starting and completing what’s written.
Respect each other. At least….
💝
I know, Beloved,
Those words are leaves falling down,
Decayed before you.
—————————————————————
Jika kita lahir dan tumbuh sebagai kata-kata,
saya akan selalu menggarisbawahi kamu
seperti kata yang saya anggap penting,
meski kamu nanti mencetak miring saya
seperti kata yang tak dikenal dan asing. (part of a poem by Adimas Immanuel)
Pearl in the heart
That will keep shining.
No matter what.
No expiration,
No boundary,
No dimension can weaken its brightness.
In silence
In the dark
No matter what.
It will shine.
It resides
Here
Now
In the heart.
Happy, Beloved,
Return to office saying
“Hi!” to real bodies
——————————————————-
My first day working in office after 23 months working from remote workplace felt like my first day joining the company. Excitement and thrill, this time with clarity, calmness and strong ground
Although not many, I met people in real bodies not their avatar.
Thanks for the new day!
Weekend, Beloved,
A bowl of green tea nicely
Served cold and creamy—
———————————————
Give yourself reward for being a brave person sometimes. 😎
For an ordinary person setting a clear boundary is enough a bravery. Sometimes a passive person should tell arrogant people “You can step on my shoulders to reach your goal ‘coz I’ll support anyone dreaming high but you mustn’t step on my head to underestimate a human being ‘coz I have the same right to be respected. Please excuse me this time to be equal and forever be.”
Happy weekend. 🤩
Live once, no regret,
Said banana trees. They die
After giving fruits.
——————————————————
Listen, Beloved,
To Wind, Earth, Water, and Fire.
Metal does clank, too.
———————————————————-
A set of data is powerful only when the owner knows how to use it; it is equivalent to the ability of questioning leads to better result than ability of answering.
A good start is by collecting from different points. The more data points, the more valid and accurate answers will come up. One point will be misleading.
Salaaam….
rike jokanan 
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