graphs of my Universe
There's so much here
Wanting to burst
Colours and fragrances
That have been hiding
In a deep cave
For ages.
It is gemstones,
The petrified blood, tears and sweats
Traveling with time and space:
Flowing river
To the turquoise sea
Uniting with
You.
RC Gorman’s work of art
i kno it’s U
Saraswati is my dewi.
This goddess represents wisdom, knowledge, language and art especially music. She is also the one guarding the flowing river.
Dear, Saraswati
You are blessed as I am.
Lyrics (major correction)
Om Jai Saraswati Mata,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Sadgun Vaibhav Shalini,
Sadgun Vaibhav Shalini
Tribhuvan Vikhyata,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Chandravadani Padmasini,
Dyuti Mangalakare
Sohe Shub Hansa Savare,
Sohe Shub Hansa Savare
Atul Tejdhari....
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Bayen Kar Men Vina,
Maiyaa Daye Kar Mala,
Shish Mukut Mani Sohe,
Shish Mukut Mani Sohe
Gal Motiyan Mala,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Devi Sharan Jo Aye,
Unka Uddhar Kiya,
Paithi Manthra Dasi,
Paithi Manthra Dasi,
Ravan Sanhar Kiya,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Vidhya Gyan Pradayini,
Gyan Prakash Bharo,
Moh Aur Agyan Timir Ka,
Moh Aur Agyan Timir Ka,
Jay Se Nash Karo,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Dhup Deep Phal Meva,
Man Svikar Karo,
Man Svikar Karo,
Jag Nistar Karo,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Maa Sarasvati Ki Arti,
Jo Koi Jan Gave,
Hitkari Sukhkari,
Hitkari Sukhkari,
Gyan Bhakti Pave,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Don't overestimate me, Beloved.
My victory won't be like yours.
You win a business tender.
You build a business empire.
You rob the hearts of the best men.
You steal all eyes with your body.
No, I don't.
I win a big basket of laundry
And make them stacks of folded clothes
Wrapping me in daily commute to office or
To fields where I squeeze my wisdom out of best standards or
Just at home wander around digging what I can boil.
I love today's victory.
I live a best life.
best victory of my weekend, today!!!
There's no dilemma.
There's only heart
Rocking in a sea of abundance
Misunderstood as distraction.
Sit still, Beloved
When world is noisy and busy
With laughters and cries.
i thank god that my dilemma is only between whether to read some books or to iron my clothes — not so complicated and i it only happens at the weekend; the rest is just to work and to enjoy after work 😘
it is what it is as weekend is a list of household chores in silence
enjoy your weekend!
This lunch is coming from
That evening noisy kitchen.
This calm evening is coming from
That afternoon hard work.
This glorious afternoon is coming from
That morning humble smile.
That that passed
Has left
What is blessed.
full set – いただきます❣️
tempe, beancurd and duck — all fried; btw, i thought it was chicken until i chewed the flesh 🫢 i’m such a bad chef who didn’t check the label, just took it from the fridge and threw it to the boiling water and tadaaa!!! 😁
Chinese cabbage is sweet when boiled
the best sambal on earth ☺️ sambal terasi
all boiled together in harmony 😀
This life is written
Along a ribbon coiling
Around a live book.
weekend is to read what’s written as weekdays is to write what’s read
i’m a book with cover, title, table of content, chapters, and an end; and i’m craving to know about its precious author among all readers
These wings bring me everywhere
And also home.
These wings bring me adventure
And also joy.
What have your wings brought you?
finally home
it’s amazing to fly home
the peak of a mountain under my wings
the sky full of cotton under my wings
turning right with spreading wings
the sun under left wing
Is there anyone
Before
&
After
Me
Leaving
Without permission?
None--
It is a consent that forms
Life,
A period where
You
&
I
Meet at a dot on a ring.
salam, dear shrine where heart and soul escort body to whisper all secrets
Kameyama Shrine
before cleaning – looked like birds loved to bathe and leave some feathers as token of gratitude
after cleaning – no one asked me to clean this, i just felt that i needed to give Japan a small token of gratitude and Kameyama Shrine be the one to receive it
always praying someday I can come back to that shrine. I will tell her that she did give me amazing vibe in my whole visit in Kameyama. Shrines, mosques, temples, churches and other places where human beings whisper their heart and soul out have always been a charm to me.
enso – there’s a dot where two extremes meet and form balance to ensure life flows
I won't miss the train.
The last. A home is waiting
With a cup of tea.
i saw this scene very often from my room; last midnight was the most impressive when i felt so much love living as me with no one but me ❣️
How fragrant are you
Through the petals sweetly picked
By fragile fingers?
I love perfume especially when at home.
Some facts of how certain oils as part of perfume ingredients are harvested shake my liking to perfumery. If I buy those perfumes, am I abusing certain group of people? If I don’t buy, am I letting them unemployed?
Life is sometimes as simple as abc– Yet life is sometimes as complex as ancient codes to decipher.
Time to concoct my own perfume from responsibly-sourced oils?
Now is a new time
Turned to old right after said.
Don't say. Just begin.
daisy is a new beginning
For:
You
Who breathes love in silence,
Who touches heart in secret,
Who smiles in the dark,
Who listens to whispers,
Who reads all scrolls,
Who kisses faraway dreams;
Take these roses,
That dance with the wind,
That spread strange chemicals,
That show off colours,
That boast deadly pricks,
That symbolise love,
That decay over time.
if i were roses, what would life be?
Cured is what's preserved:
Head and heart from discomfort
Of forgotten hope--
Enjoy your weekend!
i don’t like daily chemical medication but once i realized that it is part of what makes the body cured (longer preserved from decay), i’ve made great peace 😍
back-to-back trips are at peace with 3-in-1 (passport, money and medication) primarily prepared
let’s fly again
Note to fellow human beings: All what human beings do to be physically healthy is to ensure a longer preserved life. I’ve made peace since forever that human beings’ body is dying everyday, unstoppable, just made the process nicer and more relaxed.
Spirituality--
What is it, Dearest?
She talks to all sides of walls, ceilings and floors.
They talk no word, just a long hum enticing her to stop thinking;
Leaving her no choice but a weekend laundry.
Spirituality, Dearest
Is her life with
Its ups and downs,
Its ins and outs.
Her strong wills and deteriorating muscles--
—
a short spiritual interview in my laundry weekend — thank you!
enjoy your weekend!
It's a preferred life,
Not a perfect one. Not much,
And she's fine.
—
45R is one of my preferred brands (doesn’t mean i buy a lot of its products though) – its good material is preferred, its most designs are not as they are to me “very foreign” ☺️
This fool
Is learning
Through
Humming and
Walking with a friend and
Greeting fun adventures and
Kissing the flowers and the air.
Hello,
Fool.
Be sweet life!
—
one of my best friends is a prominent tarot master in Ubud, whose reading always reminds me that I am The Fool — thank you, De Nov ❣️
Losing is a sign,
A sign to either find,
Or let it go off the mind.
All is fine.
—
i lost my Airpod case with one earset in it; not panicky as losing or forgetting small things is my middle name — not in the bag, sure not at taxi as bag was never unzipped in the ride — i sent email to the hotel saying that my Airpod with one earset left was in the room — yes! it was found and safe kept — see you next month! 😂
Failure seems ordinary
As I am tested every day
And pass
With or without flying colours.
I just need
A faith to cling that
I am not alone battling.
There is you.
There is
You.
—
very much welcome – tested by beauty; i could not stop wowing in silence 😍
i am fasting and getting tested with these sweets and freshness 😍 not difficult to pass this easy test though
Stepping in
To the wood
Under the sun,
The moon,
The stars,
Swarmed by the wild;
Ahead she prances
Along a composition
Orchestrated by the air.
—
be a fool in the ocean of falsehood
realizing that being a fool is an enjoyable journey in life to earn meanings without burden
Dear
Young heart,
Fly to the moon and back
To the green meadow, humming.
Dear
Old body,
Bury me where banyan seeds sprout
Reaching out to sky, breathing.
Dear
Ancient soul,
Free me from any shape
So I can be alive anywhere you sow me.
—
I went to a small civilized** farewell party for a friend in KL, Malaysia, taking selfie before crazily singing in Red Box karaoke.
Life is short, be kind….
Or….. Just take a selfie.
❣️
Salam.
** civilized to me means NO FREE SEX, NO DRUGS, NO ALCOHOL ♥️
just take selfie when you’re feeling good
take selfie when you’re not in the mood
take selfie although people think it’s weird yet you’re nartistically free and freely glee
Anger, Beloved
Swirling stream drawning what flow,
Demolishing luck--
—
Anger can bring unluck, now I believe that.
I was furious because some people made unnecessary mistakes. Although mistake is mistake that can be fixed but covering up is another level of mistake making a mistake not just a mistake. I can never accept when people are not well treated, not well protected, ignored, disrespected.
anger is maelstrom
I still could not get rid of the patches of anger even after some hours. No sleep cured it. No food did. No nothing. I felt my body tremble whenever thinking of how those mistakes were made and so on and so forth.
This very morning I realised that my anger didn’t bring good things. It brought me heat in head, unclear thought and unlucky events. And the unlucky events were the worst as I’ve always been feeling lucky in my life.
Look what happened to me….
I queued behind a lady who failed scanning her fingerprints and facial recognition in the immigration autogate that made the waiting too long for such a sophisticated system. My Malaysia Digital Arrival Card submission failed 4 times today. My passport identification page got folded. My automatic bagagge check-in failed, with a bonus of bitter sour unfriendly female airline assistant treating my passport like a trash.
Please forgive me, dear self. Those mistakes do not belong to you and you are not responsible to bear any cost; they are those people’s, let them deal with any consequences possible.
I feel lucky.
Feel lucky.
Lucky!
How full are you, Love?
Leave a space where air can move
And water can flow.
—
It is Ramadhan 1, I started my 30-day fasting.
Fasting is not a new or foreign to my family. My parents consider it a sacred practice in their life. My oldest sister does fast every two days. Intermitten fasting is never a new thing for us. We are Javanese, we fast both as a spiritual sanctuary and mental exercise.
When we talk about fasting in Javanese tradition, it is not always like the Islamic fasting (not eating, not drinking, not smoking, not having sex on the daylight). Fasting or pasa or poso in Javanese is managing what is in and out through all doors of senses in our body. It can be simply by choosing what to eat, when to eat, how to eat.
In old days Javanese did many different types of fasting and so they name those types of fasting differently.
Mutih (derived from the word putih or white in Javanese) is when they only eat rice and drink water. They won’t be consuming anything with tastes: sweet, salty, sour, bitter, gurih, etc.
Ngidang (derived from the word kidang or deer in Javanese) is when they only consume leafy vegetables and water, and no other things.
Ngrowot (derived from the word krowot that means “no rice” in Javanese) in when they will not consume rice and any product of any kind of rice).
Etc….
For this Ramadhan I decided to do ngrowot. It means I will not consume any rice and any product of rice crom dawn to dusk, from day 1 until end of Ramadhan. I want to know how good I am pushing myself through “hunger”.
Bismillah!
Yes, I can.
💕
my first day of “Ramadhan Ngrowot” breakfast
😁
I don't own this body
I don't own this heart
I don't own this soul
I don't own this life
I owe
You.
Yet do
You know that
You owe me, too?
All these limited experiences that imprison
You belong to me.
All in all
I belong to
You.
—
some part of me is a monk, some part is a bitch and that fact makes me perfect of being a human
💕
(picture from Pinterest)
I'm a star
Dying.
I'm the star
Most brightly glaring.
—
supernova
There's a time, my dear
You cherish with sweet breathing.
Winning against self--
—
i used to be very harsh to myself until 2019 when two doctors made me realise that taking care of my body is as important as taking care of my spirit and mental
i started expressing myself more freely and genuinely, less drama, no excuse to stop me from being calm and confident, accepting me the way me is, unlearning old knowledge, learning new knowledge, opening my heart to all possible layers of truth and beauty
now i believe i am one of this world champions seeing how well i coped with my own self until i can feel so comfortable again back to my me
…. now i won’t let those playing around with me for their own fun in to my life as my life is not only a span of fun free time yet it is a span of fun dedicating time
thank you all for being you even with just a brief existence here now in this short journey
💕
How do you feel loved?
Not so much effort,
It's just a smile,
Or a cuddle from a dog.
I'm loved,
I'm loved
Just because
Life loves,
Love lives
Here
Now.
—
before going back to Singapore, i visited my friend in Lod Tunduh – she has 2 dogs and both love me so much, wherever i sit, both will sneak around like this!
Nicely soaked in love
With flowing sweet intension
In a good morning
—
soaked in water in this Bali morning (7am) – a standing phone helped capture a moment nicely ♥️
jineng that becomes a gazebo at the pool; jineng is originally Balinese rice storage house
The small is
Hugely
Building me
Strong and
Sweet.
This that
I will embrace
To the
End.
—
This book is one of best reads in my life. If I am to write a book, it should feel this way. True, light and meaningful–
Life cannot be truer, lighter and more meaningful to me now.
Thank you!
one of books that make me fall in love with the you in me❣️ i am to write a review of it ♥️
Coincidently waking up
With light breath
And open eyes
In a good morning
That calls for
Another day.
Some don't know the feel
And it's just a coincidence
For me?
How fair life is!
How unfair life is!
Be blessed, dear.
Be blessed everyday
With the blessings
That come from
Every other way.
—
That coincidence often comes as blessings might have been ingrained in me, even more.
One Coldplay-big-fan friend said to me some time ago “If you have spare ticket for Coldplay in Singapore, please sell it to me.” He really wanted to watch Coldplay in many different places. Seems to him Coldplay has brought in a lot of good meanings into his life. Not denying this possibility, I have to admit the lyrics are powerful for those wanting to look deep in to their own selves.
I said “I will but it is a very thin chance knowing this band has tremendously massive lovers.”
Sorry, friend….
Yet one fine day in January one good friend from Jakarta texted me asking if he can let me buy two Jan 30’s Coldplay show tickets as he was “suddenly” assigned for a biz trip and would not make it to be in Singapore for the show. What a blow! This friend and his wife would have met me before or after the show so I was kind of upset to hear the news. Yet at the same time I remembered that one friend would be super excited to buy the tickets.
What a coincidence!
Long story short the Coldplay-big-fan friend agreed to buy two. He wanted to watch with his friend this time.
Some time after he agreed, he texted me again saying that his friend could not fly in for the show. Honestly I felt it was another coincidence as I was also thinking of going again – I found listening to “Biutyful” live was addictive to me. So, I asked if it was ok for me to buy the other ticket: Coincidently he agreed; he must have really wanted to watch with his special friend yet he welcomed me nicely.
excited in my 3rd watch! more? no, no, it was the last for the “Music of The Spheres World Tour”, now time to enjoy them back in Apple Music 😃
So, this time we watched from above. A very stunning view with all the well-arranged illumination and performance.
Another coincidence. My friend and I didn’t say anything about which tee to wear yet both of us happened to wear the same one: Coldplay 2023 Tokyo special edition design. Wow!
We both went crazy blended with others who were as crazy as us. I don’t know when I will meet him again after the show but I truly thank him for giving me a lesson that someone can love something (in his case a band) that he is capable of explaining almost all fun facts about the band that I didn’t even think exist. Memorizing all songs’ lyrics, knowing albums and EP contents, and so on and so forth! Thank you, KM-san! God bless you. 🙏🏼
I asked him how he could memorise all lyrics. His answer was annoyingly true “If you love something, you will remember.” Damn! I just realized forgetful is my middle name especially when dealing with passwords and where I put small stuff. 😂
Jan 31 was another merry day. My niece watched with her best friend and they stayed overnight in my home after that. Her friend is a journalist who knows how to access “Kampung Badui Kanekes” that I have dreamed of visiting. To my excitement he agreed to escort me to visit the unique ethnic group in Banten anytime I want to go. ♥️
Should I underestimate a coincidence? Or, actually there is no that that we call coincidence. It is just a lesson that we never clearly see and (hopefully) later will be well learnt.
Thank You!!!!
among all this is my favourite photo – Angel Moon❣️ BIUTYFUL!!!
favourite of mine ♥️
Dear,
You.
Could you tell my body
To slow down
And let you go first?
Your Highness Age,
You are too excited
Yes, precise too.
Yet would you please
Leave me an energetic one?
Yours truly,
Weakening Body
—
how i see myself 😍
how my nephews and nieces see me 😂
rike jokanan 
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