Do you know that the road I've taken is not what I wanted?
And do you know that this is the best I've experienced?
Yes, you know.
Thank you.
Yours truly,
One humble traveler breathing your blessings
Dear Life
Category: This Person
Overflown
I'm a room
Overflown with blessings.
Some visible,
Some unseen,
All undeniable--
this is where water, soil, air and fire show their potential in harmony, no collision
Private
Private's, Beloved
This ordinary one's life.
Not much to expose--
I lock my Instagram account always and it forever will be locked, only those having directly met with me can become my contacts. Does it sound arrogant? No, it is a protection — to protect myself from unfair judgement from those contacts knowing me from my words or my pictures in my curated frames; and to protect my contacts from misjudging me simply based on my curated frames– they will be able to judge me more fairly by talking to me or meeting with me first before becoming my contacts in Instagram.
My contacts are those family members and friends; not even colleagues as we believe our professional judgement might be clouded with some personal bias that is not even related to work.
I am so so sorry for being so picky (a bit irritating I know I am) but I am still willing to reply anyone’s messages.
💕
What about WordPress?
It is where I am ranting and there are only 20-40 people visiting me daily and my postings are all extracted ideas in poetry that by nature can be interpreted by anyone. So anyone is welcome to visit my WordPress even without leaving a trace.
💕
Flowers from Banksy
Banksy,
It throws me flowers
At a silent weekend.
I'm dead.
Have a nice weekend, everyone!
Banksy’s work of art
Without Teacher
What am I
Without teacher?
A lost wanderer
Losing destination.
What am I
Without teacher?
A confused traveler
Losing guidance
What am I
Without teacher?
A dreamer
Losing inspiration.
What am I
Without teacher?
A human
Losing meaning.
What am I
Without teacher?
A Soul
Repeating the same mistakes.
Dear
Teacher,
You are born
For me
To be reborn
As me.
I'm grateful to
You.
Today’s lunch break was about a phenomenal chat with some teachers of life.
Thousands if not millions of teachers have taught me in life. There are some that I cherish the most today, those that have triggered me to make biggest decisions in life.
Thank you, dear teachers❣️
Bapak Merta Ada, he was the one teaching me to go within without doubt, without limit – “spread love and compassion”, his advice 🥹
Sister Zak, my Arabic teacher — she emphasised that what we read needs to be well understood first then pondered then can be interpreted (differently) — “be a responsible interpreter of the Quran for yourself, no one to blame when you make wrong interpretation or decision“, her advice
Aaron Cass, my mentor in Beshara School who helped me open most doors of freedom of responsibly being human through his amazing knowledge and wisdom about sufism and esp about Ibn Arabi & Rumi — “from now on whatever you do differently, never make it a new religion”, his advice
Ina, a best friend from high school whose action moved my soul: she left her brilliant career (at the same time I started mine in Singapore) without new career to take care of her parents for her sense of responsibility; she took care of her mother until she passed away, now she is taking care of her father; Ina, you are beautifully blessed — “let’s exchange stupid memes and videos”, her message
dear Ibu, i won’t let anyone hurt you — “work responsibly and take care”, her every morning’s advice
Vito, my dear nephew, “i will always love you and protect you forever”, his last message before he passed
the fire warden in the mirror, “have you smiled today?” my greeting to myself
Clarity
Clarity's in you,
In the mirror in your hand.
Clean it everyday.
how can i deny how ugly i am with the mirror patched with oil and dust?
morning message from my mirror
thank you
Pleased, Guilty
Pleased and guilty, love
Intertwine with her black hair,
Making some balance.
They will fall and get flushed out
When the root is weak or dried.
today’s dinner after work (from remote on Monday)
i started cooking almost all my meal in early 2020 when working from remote was applied due to the pandemic; since then i only eat out with colleagues, friends or visiting families or when i myself want to eat Japanese food (good Japanese food needs refined ingredients and high skill that can only happen in a pro place) — no one can cook my Indonesian food better than me 😀
i also started doing all household chores that were before done by a paid assistant
since then i don’t want to give up doing it, even if i have to stay up late i will do all by myself for self satisfaction — so pleased to be moving around at home
just yesterday my regular assistant finally requested to go back to take my weekly chores like before (since pandemic i only call her in emergency situation) — i could not say yes or no as it is not about money anymore although it is not a big expense to do (my mother will complain and say it is an act of ignorance — i’m sorry, Ibu 😘)
i’m still feeling guilty since i finally said no this morning, i told her that i might call her just for occasional need and include her in my meal list when i have something special in my kitchen 😘
i feel that giving up household chores is like giving up some part of my moving meditation
cooking, cleaning, gardening (small group of potted plants), laundry, etc give me sanctuary from routine at work — also honestly give me excuse to reject some (unnecessary) invitation from (unwanted) people
this guilt will be difficult to go away i know
but i prefer losing compliments rather than losing my sanity
💕
Dipped
Dip me in
Your colours
In which
Arrogance turns to
Modesty,
Selfishness turns to
Compassion,
Torrential current to
A calm flow.
Dip me in
Your colours
In which
Paintings sing
Love songs,
Music displays
Flowing curves,
Sculptures splash
Romantic hues.
Dip me in
Your colours
In which
I keep living love
With true intension
However little it is.
Never let
Your colours
Fade away from me.
Fear & Hope
Dear, Beloved.
Thank
You
For reminding me
About being humble.
I won't
I won't
I won't
Let this self
Boast of one's self.
Please always tone me down
When I am too high.
Yours truly,
One of
Your breathed
Soul....
the first page that i continue reading from “Fihi Ma Fihi” directly slaps my ego to tone down
thank you for not giving me long time to feed my selfishness
thank you for reminding me that i still have fear to shadow my hope and ears to listen to what universe whispers
please protect those that i love the most from the imbalance between fear and hope
thank you, always
Glued
They are clearly glued
Sailing through tides, high and low
One sweet tomorrow--
back to 2022, 2024 photo is not published as the pose is too vulgar 😁
we 1st met in 2013 and this friendship is lasting forever
born in different countries, nurtured in different culture, educated in different discipline, moulded in the same work culture — see you again in mid Aug, ladies!
Rhombusly Flying Kite (ranting)
Five dots of a shape
Balance the soar, fly and land.
A flying rhombus--
I listened to a rebroadcast of #DVETSiaranPagi last evening and thought the discussion points are relevant with what I’ve seen around me: the love bombing, ghosting then missing, not true to self, etc. Thanks for discussing it! I’d like to reflect about myself on those. 💕
about (my falling in) love
Through time love in human being is still the same, a sprectrum of certain emotion quality expression that expands to different extremes, either one or the other extreme or both extremes in order to serve one’s own life and others’. One extreme is the lust-loaded love that imprisons and the other is compassion-loaded love that saves the world and true love as a balanced combination of both that liberates. (my personal opinion based on what I’ve learnt, unlearnt, relearnt — can be inaccurate and impermanent)
Expansion of service and love expression can be within or without the person depending on how the human being experiences life and responds to it. Some human beings build a unit of society (family, organization, community, village, etc) to feel the expansion of service, others don’t. Some can be expressive in love, some just hide emotion deep down. No right or wrong, it is a process of balancing horizontally and vertically –like flying a kite– that might be successful in here now or not.
In my age (late 40’s) if I am found out of falling in love (romantically) in my country, I can be cursed as “wanita gatal” (itchy woman) even if I don’t do any harm to others with my love. In fact what happens is simply an expansion of love — from loving myself to loving myself and another person. Lucky I live in a country where people don’t care about what’s not harming them. Thank you!
Romantic love very seldom perches on my emotion tree yet once it comes, it will not be something I will stop. I will just wisely manage the emotion as I never want to disturb the person I love especially when seeing there is no reciprocity and/or compatibility between us, hoping that this emotion fades away slowly gradually with as little harm as possible. Broken hearted is not nice. 🙃
I will show him from certain distance how I feel about him but I will make sure it won’t make him feel threatened. Yet who can control his reaction or response? This is where I am different from my passive friends on romance.
about love bombing
It is a new terminology for me yet I know very well that I experienced it in my relationship (the only one I had, ended in 2010): given all attention and gifts, promised with sugar-coated lies, got ghosted then left in despair. Oh, never again….
about love expression
I love poems and I love my Beloved, the only One most understanding me, the only One never leaving me in any situation and the One putting much love and compassion in my heart.
My mental body feels like a rhombus kite with 5 dots: the dot on top is my soul, the dots at the right and left are my thinking function and my feeling function, the dot at the bottom is my desire towards physical pleasure whatever it is (food, drink, jewelry, sex drive, etc) and the dot in the middle is my heart which is the balancing gravity of the 4 dots at the 4 points of rhombus (qolbu in Arabic). Only when all those 5 dots are interacting in balance then this rhombus kite can fly, soaring perfectly, riding the wind; that is when a human being is in a state of mindfullness or meditative. Rhombusly flying kite❣️
With my poem I will express all the love from those 5 dots. Sometimes I talk from the dot at the top. Sometimes from the dot at the bottom. Sometimes from 2 dots, 3 dots, 4 dots; and when I am aware of the true self, my poems are the love expression of my 5 dots.
People might think it is an exaggeration of love expression; many of my friends reading my poems said “kamu kasmaran nggak henti-henti ya, Rike?” translated into “are you constantly madly in love, Rike?” and that was why I hide the comment section so no one will have a chance to spit bad words about my love poems. Only some who know my journey will really understand. It doesn’t matter.
I saw love bombing although not as often; am I? I am showering my life and life surrounding me with love and compassion; and I am grateful for that. That some of the expression is aiming at someone (who eventually can feel it), I’m thankful and saying “You are safe, I am not love bombing you, this is a tiny love that I can offer.”
Without mentioning my crush name, I discussed my feeling with my best friend who unsurprisingly didn’t judge me yet she said “I restrict myself from loving a man, I don’t want to think about romance, I just want to retire happily” 😂 I didn’t continue the discussion as I never want to shake her feeling of security of being single.
Will I continue my love expression? With no doubt: yes, it is about being true to myself until time decides otherwise. If I don’t look true to others, so be it.
I won’t waste my time hating or worrying about being hated. I don’t either believe with “too much love will kill you”; it is too much lust that kills you.
My love flows like a river, (over)flows to the sea to unite with
You. Insya Allah.
about true to self
I express love more smoothly but when it comes to job, I don’t openly talk about it in social media or public because it contains NDA. Job to me is a dedication in life, in which I feel that my life is meaningful for and well utilised by the human beings in my walk of life. My job is about being true to my own self and true to the contract that I’ve signed. 💕
Dear Love,
I rest my case for now. I have to work.
Salaam.
So Bright
What's
So true
Except
Your love?
None, Beloved.
You give me so much
I can't count.
You show me the light
So bounty of light
That all is
So bright.
not a light week with everyone’s intelligence on the round table – a light week though plunging my weak body to the dark water
bless me, Beloved – let me be your basket of blessings no matter what others say or think ☺️
i’ve proven who understands will understand, who doesn’t will not, who misunderstands derails 🙃
So Light
Dear
You,
Bless me
With true heart.
I surrender to
You.
No game with this heart,
I just want to walk slowly
Bringing this tiny love
So light.
revelation of light
Forgiven
And you're, Beloved
Forgiven in every breath.
This soul is well fed.
well fed soul sees paradox as blessings rather than curses
Forgiving
Forgive, Beloved
This self questioning one's self
About where to go.
i’m headin’ 2 U
Garden
Garden's, Beloved
Where seasons play with the sun,
Weathers with the shade.
Japanese garden layout in Winsor & Newton water colour
i’ve always wanted a Japanese garden in one spot of my yard
i contacted one Japan contractor but they offerred USD8,000 just for the design for 11*2 size
i politely refused the offer and decided to work on the design by myself and transferred the USD8,000 to my own bank account 😁
now it is ready to execute; i’ll be working with a garden contractor to complete this task; i’ve also found moss and grain loval sources – see you in 3 months, dear Jogja
layout of behind study, near maintenance entrance — yellow bamboo bush will sing when the wind blows
layout of in front of bedroom — no grass, just moss, grain, a few boulders and shrub of hosta; the engawa is a perfect seat to contemplate either at dusk or dawn
after some time of hibernating
Endurance
How long
How far
How intense
Does she endure life?
Start slow and steady,
Move at constant pace,
Travel farther,
Rest when needed,
Fix technical issues,
Read and review,
Keep going.
She endures to reach an end
Safely,
Not swiftly
And that's her endurance.
i didn’t meet Sam today, she probably took a break or maybe she knew that the pool was packed (normally only 5 at this hour, 12 today) so she pulled herself back — my 30′ went fast with a lot of interruption, my next is two days from now and i wish to see fewer people so i can train myself better
[only in Bahasa Indonesia]
Found a dearest good friend wrote a touching message in Instagram this evening and would love to keep it here — only in Bahasa Indonesia though
My translation into English might never be good enough to contain how compassionate her message is. You might want to translate with Google.
Note: it is a verbatim text
❣️
bertahun lalu, ketika berkesempatan mengunjungi ka’bah, aku duduk menatapnya lalu berucap: “tuhan, tunjukkan aku cara membaca (iqra) alquran. karean aku tidak percaya tuhan mana pengasih maha penyayang se-strict itu.” aku mengacu ke penekanan pada dosa dan neraka yang kerap diangkat.
sejak itu—atau sebenarnya jauh sebelumnya, aku percaya tuhan terus menjawab permintaanku: hidupku adalah tanggapan tak putus dari tuhan atas permintaan itu. dia menunjukkan betapa dia maha pengasih, maha penyayang dan nama-nama lain yang terlingkupi oleh rahman dan rahim.
aku dipertemukan dengan manusia dan makhluk lain (kucing misalnya) yang menunjukkan ragam bentuk kasih sayang, diperjalankan melalui peristiwa-peristiwa yang membantu melembutkan hati—atau menunjukkan di bagian mana hatïku masih perlu dilembutkan; dan dititipkan pada sekolah-sekolah yang secara gamblang membimbingku untuk lebih berwelas asih, berserah, dan merayakan hidup dan keagungannya.
manusia sejatinya bisa berjalan sesuai fatwa hatinya; bisa tergerakkan oleh arahan jiwa (spirit)-nya; bisa hidup dengan lebih jujur minimal kepada diri sendiri. utopis? atau bisa jadi pemikiran bahwa hal ini utopis telah membatasi kita?
banyak yang ingin kuceritakan. bukan untuk mengajarkan, karena siapalah aku ini. namun, lebih ke berbagi. siapa tahu ada yang mengetuk hatimu, lalu kau mengetuk hatiku kembali. Sama-sama kita belajar menjadi manusia.
ingin bercerita, tetapi belum tahu bagaimana. kutaruh tulisan ini di sini sebagai langkah awal. atau, mungkin, kau punya cerita, kegelisahan, pertanyaan, atau ide yang bisa melanjutkkan pembicaraan ini?
terima kasih.
❣️
Thank you, dear friend. You’ve touched my heart many times, I hope I’ve at least once done as good as you.
Thanks for making room for me. Always.
Salaam.
Unfinished Root Cause Analysis of Misunderstanding
Sometimes her tongue is too sharp
But don't blame her tongue,
It's her eyes too sharp
But don't blame her eyes,
It's her brain too critical
But don't blame her brain,
It's her rationale too weak
But don't blame her rationale,
It's her research insufficient
But don't blame her research,
It's her data too narrow
But don't blame her data,
It's her survey not detailed
But don't blame her survey,
It's her objective not well conveyed
But....
She writes love poems.
Yet they get angry, not knowing that
She just expresses naked truth.
She hopes that she is not exposed
As her poems are limited edition.
RC Gorman’s work of art
Lend Me Ears
Lend me ears, my love
To listen to the silence
That whispers your songs.
RC Gorman’s
earrings are to me not only accessories, they are an agreement that i am ready to hear some news 💕 earrings i wear amplify important messages to me
Flowing River
There's so much here
Wanting to burst
Colours and fragrances
That have been hiding
In a deep cave
For ages.
It is gemstones,
The petrified blood, tears and sweats
Traveling with time and space:
Flowing river
To the turquoise sea
Uniting with
You.
RC Gorman’s work of art
i kno it’s U
Saraswati, My Dewi (lyrics corrected)
Saraswati is my dewi.
This goddess represents wisdom, knowledge, language and art especially music. She is also the one guarding the flowing river.
Dear, Saraswati
You are blessed as I am.
Lyrics (major correction)
Om Jai Saraswati Mata,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Sadgun Vaibhav Shalini,
Sadgun Vaibhav Shalini
Tribhuvan Vikhyata,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Chandravadani Padmasini,
Dyuti Mangalakare
Sohe Shub Hansa Savare,
Sohe Shub Hansa Savare
Atul Tejdhari....
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Bayen Kar Men Vina,
Maiyaa Daye Kar Mala,
Shish Mukut Mani Sohe,
Shish Mukut Mani Sohe
Gal Motiyan Mala,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Devi Sharan Jo Aye,
Unka Uddhar Kiya,
Paithi Manthra Dasi,
Paithi Manthra Dasi,
Ravan Sanhar Kiya,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Vidhya Gyan Pradayini,
Gyan Prakash Bharo,
Moh Aur Agyan Timir Ka,
Moh Aur Agyan Timir Ka,
Jay Se Nash Karo,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Dhup Deep Phal Meva,
Man Svikar Karo,
Man Svikar Karo,
Jag Nistar Karo,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Maa Sarasvati Ki Arti,
Jo Koi Jan Gave,
Hitkari Sukhkari,
Hitkari Sukhkari,
Gyan Bhakti Pave,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Today’s Victory
Don't overestimate me, Beloved.
My victory won't be like yours.
You win a business tender.
You build a business empire.
You rob the hearts of the best men.
You steal all eyes with your body.
No, I don't.
I win a big basket of laundry
And make them stacks of folded clothes
Wrapping me in daily commute to office or
To fields where I squeeze my wisdom out of best standards or
Just at home wander around digging what I can boil.
I love today's victory.
I live a best life.
best victory of my weekend, today!!!
Dilemma?
There's no dilemma.
There's only heart
Rocking in a sea of abundance
Misunderstood as distraction.
Sit still, Beloved
When world is noisy and busy
With laughters and cries.
i thank god that my dilemma is only between whether to read some books or to iron my clothes — not so complicated and i it only happens at the weekend; the rest is just to work and to enjoy after work 😘
it is what it is as weekend is a list of household chores in silence
enjoy your weekend!
いただきます
This lunch is coming from
That evening noisy kitchen.
This calm evening is coming from
That afternoon hard work.
This glorious afternoon is coming from
That morning humble smile.
That that passed
Has left
What is blessed.
full set – いただきます❣️
tempe, beancurd and duck — all fried; btw, i thought it was chicken until i chewed the flesh 🫢 i’m such a bad chef who didn’t check the label, just took it from the fridge and threw it to the boiling water and tadaaa!!! 😁
Chinese cabbage is sweet when boiled
the best sambal on earth ☺️ sambal terasi
all boiled together in harmony 😀
Written
This life is written
Along a ribbon coiling
Around a live book.
weekend is to read what’s written as weekdays is to write what’s read
i’m a book with cover, title, table of content, chapters, and an end; and i’m craving to know about its precious author among all readers
The Wings
These wings bring me everywhere
And also home.
These wings bring me adventure
And also joy.
What have your wings brought you?
finally home
it’s amazing to fly home
the peak of a mountain under my wings
the sky full of cotton under my wings
turning right with spreading wings
the sun under left wing
Before & After
Is there anyone
Before
&
After
Me
Leaving
Without permission?
None--
It is a consent that forms
Life,
A period where
You
&
I
Meet at a dot on a ring.
salam, dear shrine where heart and soul escort body to whisper all secrets
Kameyama Shrine
before cleaning – looked like birds loved to bathe and leave some feathers as token of gratitude
after cleaning – no one asked me to clean this, i just felt that i needed to give Japan a small token of gratitude and Kameyama Shrine be the one to receive it
always praying someday I can come back to that shrine. I will tell her that she did give me amazing vibe in my whole visit in Kameyama. Shrines, mosques, temples, churches and other places where human beings whisper their heart and soul out have always been a charm to me.
enso – there’s a dot where two extremes meet and form balance to ensure life flows
Last Train
I won't miss the train.
The last. A home is waiting
With a cup of tea.
i saw this scene very often from my room; last midnight was the most impressive when i felt so much love living as me with no one but me ❣️
How Fragrant Are You?
How fragrant are you
Through the petals sweetly picked
By fragile fingers?
I love perfume especially when at home.
Some facts of how certain oils as part of perfume ingredients are harvested shake my liking to perfumery. If I buy those perfumes, am I abusing certain group of people? If I don’t buy, am I letting them unemployed?
Life is sometimes as simple as abc– Yet life is sometimes as complex as ancient codes to decipher.
Time to concoct my own perfume from responsibly-sourced oils?
rike jokanan 
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