Category: This Person

Rhombusly Flying Kite (ranting)

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

Five dots of a shape
Balance the soar, fly and land.
A flying rhombus--

I listened to a rebroadcast of #DVETSiaranPagi last evening and thought the discussion points are relevant with what I’ve seen around me: the love bombing, ghosting then missing, not true to self, etc. Thanks for discussing it! I’d like to reflect about myself on those. 💕

about (my falling in) love

Through time love in human being is still the same, a sprectrum of certain emotion quality expression that expands to different extremes, either one or the other extreme or both extremes in order to serve one’s own life and others’. One extreme is the lust-loaded love that imprisons and the other is compassion-loaded love that saves the world and true love as a balanced combination of both that liberates. (my personal opinion based on what I’ve learnt, unlearnt, relearnt — can be inaccurate and impermanent)

Expansion of service and love expression can be within or without the person depending on how the human being experiences life and responds to it. Some human beings build a unit of society (family, organization, community, village, etc) to feel the expansion of service, others don’t. Some can be expressive in love, some just hide emotion deep down. No right or wrong, it is a process of balancing horizontally and vertically –like flying a kite– that might be successful in here now or not.

In my age (late 40’s) if I am found out of falling in love (romantically) in my country, I can be cursed as “wanita gatal” (itchy woman) even if I don’t do any harm to others with my love. In fact what happens is simply an expansion of love — from loving myself to loving myself and another person. Lucky I live in a country where people don’t care about what’s not harming them. Thank you!

Romantic love very seldom perches on my emotion tree yet once it comes, it will not be something I will stop. I will just wisely manage the emotion as I never want to disturb the person I love especially when seeing there is no reciprocity and/or compatibility between us, hoping that this emotion fades away slowly gradually with as little harm as possible. Broken hearted is not nice. 🙃

I will show him from certain distance how I feel about him but I will make sure it won’t make him feel threatened. Yet who can control his reaction or response? This is where I am different from my passive friends on romance.

about love bombing

It is a new terminology for me yet I know very well that I experienced it in my relationship (the only one I had, ended in 2010): given all attention and gifts, promised with sugar-coated lies, got ghosted then left in despair. Oh, never again….

about love expression

I love poems and I love my Beloved, the only One most understanding me, the only One never leaving me in any situation and the One putting much love and compassion in my heart.

My mental body feels like a rhombus kite with 5 dots: the dot on top is my soul, the dots at the right and left are my thinking function and my feeling function, the dot at the bottom is my desire towards physical pleasure whatever it is (food, drink, jewelry, sex drive, etc) and the dot in the middle is my heart which is the balancing gravity of the 4 dots at the 4 points of rhombus (qolbu in Arabic). Only when all those 5 dots are interacting in balance then this rhombus kite can fly, soaring perfectly, riding the wind; that is when a human being is in a state of mindfullness or meditative. Rhombusly flying kite❣️

With my poem I will express all the love from those 5 dots. Sometimes I talk from the dot at the top. Sometimes from the dot at the bottom. Sometimes from 2 dots, 3 dots, 4 dots; and when I am aware of the true self, my poems are the love expression of my 5 dots.

People might think it is an exaggeration of love expression; many of my friends reading my poems said “kamu kasmaran nggak henti-henti ya, Rike?” translated into “are you constantly madly in love, Rike?” and that was why I hide the comment section so no one will have a chance to spit bad words about my love poems. Only some who know my journey will really understand. It doesn’t matter.

I saw love bombing although not as often; am I? I am showering my life and life surrounding me with love and compassion; and I am grateful for that. That some of the expression is aiming at someone (who eventually can feel it), I’m thankful and saying “You are safe, I am not love bombing you, this is a tiny love that I can offer.”

Without mentioning my crush name, I discussed my feeling with my best friend who unsurprisingly didn’t judge me yet she said “I restrict myself from loving a man, I don’t want to think about romance, I just want to retire happily” 😂 I didn’t continue the discussion as I never want to shake her feeling of security of being single.

Will I continue my love expression? With no doubt: yes, it is about being true to myself until time decides otherwise. If I don’t look true to others, so be it.

I won’t waste my time hating or worrying about being hated. I don’t either believe with “too much love will kill you”; it is too much lust that kills you.

My love flows like a river, (over)flows to the sea to unite with

You. Insya Allah.

about true to self

I express love more smoothly but when it comes to job, I don’t openly talk about it in social media or public because it contains NDA. Job to me is a dedication in life, in which I feel that my life is meaningful for and well utilised by the human beings in my walk of life. My job is about being true to my own self and true to the contract that I’ve signed. 💕

Dear Love,

I rest my case for now. I have to work.

Salaam.

So Bright

Learning, Poetic, This Person

What's
So true
Except
Your love?

None, Beloved.
You give me so much
I can't count.
You show me the light
So bounty of light
That all is
So bright.

not a light week with everyone’s intelligence on the round table – a light week though plunging my weak body to the dark water

bless me, Beloved – let me be your basket of blessings no matter what others say or think ☺️

i’ve proven who understands will understand, who doesn’t will not, who misunderstands derails 🙃

So Light

Learning, Poetic, This Person

Dear
You,
Bless me
With true heart.
I surrender to
You.
No game with this heart,
I just want to walk slowly
Bringing this tiny love
So light.

revelation of light

Garden

Learning, Poetic, This Person

Garden's, Beloved
Where seasons play with the sun,
Weathers with the shade.

Japanese garden layout in Winsor & Newton water colour

i’ve always wanted a Japanese garden in one spot of my yard

i contacted one Japan contractor but they offerred USD8,000 just for the design for 11*2 size

i politely refused the offer and decided to work on the design by myself and transferred the USD8,000 to my own bank account 😁

now it is ready to execute; i’ll be working with a garden contractor to complete this task; i’ve also found moss and grain loval sources – see you in 3 months, dear Jogja

layout of behind study, near maintenance entrance — yellow bamboo bush will sing when the wind blows

layout of in front of bedroom — no grass, just moss, grain, a few boulders and shrub of hosta; the engawa is a perfect seat to contemplate either at dusk or dawn

after some time of hibernating

Endurance

Learning, Poetic, This Person

How long
How far
How intense
Does she endure life?

Start slow and steady,
Move at constant pace,
Travel farther,
Rest when needed,
Fix technical issues,
Read and review,
Keep going.

She endures to reach an end
Safely,
Not swiftly
And that's her endurance.

i didn’t meet Sam today, she probably took a break or maybe she knew that the pool was packed (normally only 5 at this hour, 12 today) so she pulled herself back — my 30′ went fast with a lot of interruption, my next is two days from now and i wish to see fewer people so i can train myself better

[only in Bahasa Indonesia]

Learning, life, love, This Person, Those People

Found a dearest good friend wrote a touching message in Instagram this evening and would love to keep it here — only in Bahasa Indonesia though

My translation into English might never be good enough to contain how compassionate her message is. You might want to translate with Google.

Note: it is a verbatim text

❣️

bertahun lalu, ketika berkesempatan mengunjungi ka’bah, aku duduk menatapnya lalu berucap: “tuhan, tunjukkan aku cara membaca (iqra) alquran. karean aku tidak percaya tuhan mana pengasih maha penyayang se-strict itu.” aku mengacu ke penekanan pada dosa dan neraka yang kerap diangkat.

sejak itu—atau sebenarnya jauh sebelumnya, aku percaya tuhan terus menjawab permintaanku: hidupku adalah tanggapan tak putus dari tuhan atas permintaan itu. dia menunjukkan betapa dia maha pengasih, maha penyayang dan nama-nama lain yang terlingkupi oleh rahman dan rahim.

aku dipertemukan dengan manusia dan makhluk lain (kucing misalnya) yang menunjukkan ragam bentuk kasih sayang, diperjalankan melalui peristiwa-peristiwa yang membantu melembutkan hati—atau menunjukkan di bagian mana hatïku masih perlu dilembutkan; dan dititipkan pada sekolah-sekolah yang secara gamblang membimbingku untuk lebih berwelas asih, berserah, dan merayakan hidup dan keagungannya.

manusia sejatinya bisa berjalan sesuai fatwa hatinya; bisa tergerakkan oleh arahan jiwa (spirit)-nya; bisa hidup dengan lebih jujur minimal kepada diri sendiri. utopis? atau bisa jadi pemikiran bahwa hal ini utopis telah membatasi kita?

banyak yang ingin kuceritakan. bukan untuk mengajarkan, karena siapalah aku ini. namun, lebih ke berbagi. siapa tahu ada yang mengetuk hatimu, lalu kau mengetuk hatiku kembali. Sama-sama kita belajar menjadi manusia.

ingin bercerita, tetapi belum tahu bagaimana. kutaruh tulisan ini di sini sebagai langkah awal. atau, mungkin, kau punya cerita, kegelisahan, pertanyaan, atau ide yang bisa melanjutkkan pembicaraan ini?
terima kasih.

❣️

Thank you, dear friend. You’ve touched my heart many times, I hope I’ve at least once done as good as you.

Thanks for making room for me. Always.

Salaam.

Unfinished Root Cause Analysis of Misunderstanding

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

Sometimes her tongue is too sharp
But don't blame her tongue,
It's her eyes too sharp
But don't blame her eyes,
It's her brain too critical
But don't blame her brain,
It's her rationale too weak
But don't blame her rationale,
It's her research insufficient
But don't blame her research,
It's her data too narrow
But don't blame her data,
It's her survey not detailed
But don't blame her survey,
It's her objective not well conveyed
But....

She writes love poems.
Yet they get angry, not knowing that
She just expresses naked truth.

She hopes that she is not exposed
As her poems are limited edition.

RC Gorman’s work of art

Lend Me Ears

Learning, Poetic, This Person

Lend me ears, my love
To listen to the silence
That whispers your songs.

RC Gorman’s

earrings are to me not only accessories, they are an agreement that i am ready to hear some news 💕 earrings i wear amplify important messages to me

Flowing River

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

There's so much here
Wanting to burst
Colours and fragrances
That have been hiding
In a deep cave
For ages.
It is gemstones,
The petrified blood, tears and sweats
Traveling with time and space:
Flowing river
To the turquoise sea
Uniting with
You.

RC Gorman’s work of art

i kno it’s U

Saraswati, My Dewi (lyrics corrected)

life, This Person

Saraswati is my dewi.

This goddess represents wisdom, knowledge, language and art especially music. She is also the one guarding the flowing river.

Dear, Saraswati
You are blessed as I am.

Lyrics (major correction)

Om Jai Saraswati Mata,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Sadgun Vaibhav Shalini,
Sadgun Vaibhav Shalini
Tribhuvan Vikhyata,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata

Chandravadani Padmasini,
Dyuti Mangalakare
Sohe Shub Hansa Savare,
Sohe Shub Hansa Savare
Atul Tejdhari....
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata

Bayen Kar Men Vina,
Maiyaa Daye Kar Mala,
Shish Mukut Mani Sohe, 
Shish Mukut Mani Sohe
Gal Motiyan Mala,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata

Devi Sharan Jo Aye,
Unka Uddhar Kiya,
Paithi Manthra Dasi,
Paithi Manthra Dasi,
Ravan Sanhar Kiya,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata

Vidhya Gyan Pradayini,
Gyan Prakash Bharo,
Moh Aur Agyan Timir Ka,
Moh Aur Agyan Timir Ka,
Jay Se Nash Karo,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata

Dhup Deep Phal Meva,
Man Svikar Karo,
Man Svikar Karo,
Jag Nistar Karo,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata

Maa Sarasvati Ki Arti,
Jo Koi Jan Gave,
Hitkari Sukhkari,
Hitkari Sukhkari,
Gyan Bhakti Pave,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata

Today’s Victory

Learning, Poetic, This Person

Don't overestimate me, Beloved.
My victory won't be like yours.

You win a business tender.
You build a business empire.
You rob the hearts of the best men.
You steal all eyes with your body.

No, I don't.
I win a big basket of laundry
And make them stacks of folded clothes
Wrapping me in daily commute to office or
To fields where I squeeze my wisdom out of best standards or
Just at home wander around digging what I can boil.

I love today's victory.
I live a best life.

best victory of my weekend, today!!!

Dilemma?

Learning, Poetic, This Person

There's no dilemma.
There's only heart
Rocking in a sea of abundance
Misunderstood as distraction.

Sit still, Beloved
When world is noisy and busy
With laughters and cries.

i thank god that my dilemma is only between whether to read some books or to iron my clothes — not so complicated and i it only happens at the weekend; the rest is just to work and to enjoy after work 😘

it is what it is as weekend is a list of household chores in silence

enjoy your weekend!

いただきます

Learning, Poetic, This Person

This lunch is coming from
That evening noisy kitchen.
This calm evening is coming from
That afternoon hard work.
This glorious afternoon is coming from
That morning humble smile.

That that passed
Has left
What is blessed.

full set – いただきます❣️

tempe, beancurd and duck — all fried; btw, i thought it was chicken until i chewed the flesh 🫢 i’m such a bad chef who didn’t check the label, just took it from the fridge and threw it to the boiling water and tadaaa!!! 😁

Chinese cabbage is sweet when boiled

the best sambal on earth ☺️ sambal terasi

all boiled together in harmony 😀

Written

Learning, life, This Person

This life is written
Along a ribbon coiling
Around a live book.

weekend is to read what’s written as weekdays is to write what’s read

i’m a book with cover, title, table of content, chapters, and an end; and i’m craving to know about its precious author among all readers

The Wings

Learning, life, This Person

These wings bring me everywhere
And also home.
These wings bring me adventure
And also joy.
What have your wings brought you?

finally home

it’s amazing to fly home

the peak of a mountain under my wings

the sky full of cotton under my wings

turning right with spreading wings

the sun under left wing

Before & After

Learning, life, love, Map It!, Poetic, This Person

Is there anyone
Before
&
After
Me
Leaving
Without permission?

None--

It is a consent that forms
Life,
A period where
You
&
I
Meet at a dot on a ring.

salam, dear shrine where heart and soul escort body to whisper all secrets

Kameyama Shrine

before cleaning – looked like birds loved to bathe and leave some feathers as token of gratitude

after cleaning – no one asked me to clean this, i just felt that i needed to give Japan a small token of gratitude and Kameyama Shrine be the one to receive it

always praying someday I can come back to that shrine. I will tell her that she did give me amazing vibe in my whole visit in Kameyama. Shrines, mosques, temples, churches and other places where human beings whisper their heart and soul out have always been a charm to me.

enso – there’s a dot where two extremes meet and form balance to ensure life flows

Last Train

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

I won't miss the train.
The last. A home is waiting
With a cup of tea.

i saw this scene very often from my room; last midnight was the most impressive when i felt so much love living as me with no one but me ❣️

How Fragrant Are You?

Learning, Poetic, This Person

How fragrant are you
Through the petals sweetly picked
By fragile fingers?

I love perfume especially when at home.

Some facts of how certain oils as part of perfume ingredients are harvested shake my liking to perfumery. If I buy those perfumes, am I abusing certain group of people? If I don’t buy, am I letting them unemployed?

Life is sometimes as simple as abc– Yet life is sometimes as complex as ancient codes to decipher.

Time to concoct my own perfume from responsibly-sourced oils?

For You

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
For:
You

Who breathes love in silence,
Who touches heart in secret,
Who smiles in the dark,
Who listens to whispers,
Who reads all scrolls,
Who kisses faraway dreams;
Take these roses,
That dance with the wind,
That spread strange chemicals,
That show off colours,
That boast deadly pricks,
That symbolise love,
That decay over time.

if i were roses, what would life be?

Cured

Learning, Poetic, This Person
Cured is what's preserved:
Head and heart from discomfort
Of forgotten hope--

Enjoy your weekend!

i don’t like daily chemical medication but once i realized that it is part of what makes the body cured (longer preserved from decay), i’ve made great peace 😍

back-to-back trips are at peace with 3-in-1 (passport, money and medication) primarily prepared

let’s fly again

Note to fellow human beings: All what human beings do to be physically healthy is to ensure a longer preserved life. I’ve made peace since forever that human beings’ body is dying everyday, unstoppable, just made the process nicer and more relaxed.

Spirituality

Learning, Poetic, This Person
Spirituality--
What is it, Dearest?
She talks to all sides of walls, ceilings and floors.
They talk no word, just a long hum enticing her to stop thinking;
Leaving her no choice but a weekend laundry.
Spirituality, Dearest
Is her life with
Its ups and downs,
Its ins and outs.
Her strong wills and deteriorating muscles--

—

a short spiritual interview in my laundry weekend — thank you!

enjoy your weekend!

Preference

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person
It's a preferred life,
Not a perfect one. Not much,
And she's fine.

—

45R is one of my preferred brands (doesn’t mean i buy a lot of its products though) – its good material is preferred, its most designs are not as they are to me “very foreign” ☺️

The Fool

Learning, Poetic, This Person
This fool
Is learning
Through
Humming and
Walking with a friend and
Greeting fun adventures and
Kissing the flowers and the air.

Hello,
Fool.
Be sweet life!

—

one of my best friends is a prominent tarot master in Ubud, whose reading always reminds me that I am The Fool — thank you, De Nov ❣️

Lost? Found!

Learning, Poetic, This Person
Losing is a sign,
A sign to either find,
Or let it go off the mind.
All is fine.

—

i lost my Airpod case with one earset in it; not panicky as losing or forgetting small things is my middle name — not in the bag, sure not at taxi as bag was never unzipped in the ride — i sent email to the hotel saying that my Airpod with one earset left was in the room — yes! it was found and safe kept — see you next month! 😂

Tested Every Day

Learning, Poetic, This Person
Failure seems ordinary
As I am tested every day
And pass
With or without flying colours.
I just need
A faith to cling that
I am not alone battling.
There is you.
There is
You.

—

very much welcome – tested by beauty; i could not stop wowing in silence 😍

i am fasting and getting tested with these sweets and freshness 😍 not difficult to pass this easy test though

The Fool

Learning, Poetic, This Person
Stepping in
To the wood
Under the sun,
The moon,
The stars,
Swarmed by the wild;
Ahead she prances
Along a composition
Orchestrated by the air.

—

be a fool in the ocean of falsehood

realizing that being a fool is an enjoyable journey in life to earn meanings without burden

Dear, You

Learning, Poetic, This Person
Dear
Young heart,
Fly to the moon and back
To the green meadow, humming.

Dear
Old body,
Bury me where banyan seeds sprout
Reaching out to sky, breathing.

Dear
Ancient soul,
Free me from any shape
So I can be alive anywhere you sow me.

—

I went to a small civilized** farewell party for a friend in KL, Malaysia, taking selfie before crazily singing in Red Box karaoke.

Life is short, be kind….

Or….. Just take a selfie.

❣️

Salam.

** civilized to me means NO FREE SEX, NO DRUGS, NO ALCOHOL ♥️

just take selfie when you’re feeling good

take selfie when you’re not in the mood

take selfie although people think it’s weird yet you’re nartistically free and freely glee