4 Elements In Me

I'm water, my love
Living with the soil and air
Burnt by this blue fire.

To me clarity is more important than belief. With belief I might grab in the dark, to some level of darkness I might be frantically euphoric or falling into abyss of confusion. With clarity I can appropriately choose what I need to do & when further blessed, to do it appropriately.

Clarity is gained through many ways, as many as the heart in life. I myself like to think I clarify myself about myself based on how 4 nature elements (water, air, soil & fire) purify themselves.

There are few ways to gain clarity/purity in each but I’d like to talk about one for each.

Water naturally flows to clean itself; flowing to filter what’s in through its movement against all odds (stones, holes, debris, etc). By filtering for clarity it means I need to pass by at the same time to let go a lot of things in life to be clear (& clean). Like river, I receive materials from various sources that possibly contain unnecessary or unfavourable matters & I need to choose which to stay & which to get rid of. Flowing is leaving some behind & taking necessary some ahead. I’ve let go a lot of memories & people.

Air circulates what’s in. By circulating for clarity it means I should not stop sharing. The more I share (material, knowledge, vibes, etc), the more I find clarity in life. Like air, this person needs to vent, too. I tell stories, write, rant, talk, argue, discuss to verify information accuracy.

Soil decomposes what’s in. It breaks things into minuscule or even atomic pieces & blend all in one environment. Like soil, I don’t mind dealing with rotten and/or damaged things (ideas, gossips, accusation, prejudice, etc). Sometimes I swallow the worst leftover. Rubbish can turn to gold! Is it possible artist here? (Not the artist in Bahasa Indonesia’s artis, it is the seniman)

Fire heats to purify itself. Like blue fire I sometimes feel of having the most life energy (oxygen) & the motivation (high temperature). I clarify by motivating myself & others. I often don’t need external voice to motivate myself. I can be rather stubborn against change: sometimes only my will can change my ways. Learning from own mistakes is good: getting burnt 😁

Clarification leaves waste (emotions) so I need to deal with it by treating them well.

Note: 

  • I’m more water than fire. I’m more soil than than air. I’m more air than fire. I’m more water than soil. 😊
  • This idea is original but murky; might not work for you. Find your own way to be clear about yourself.

Life Is Just Like That

Life is just like that.
It is round, square, triangle
Seen from three angles.

Life is just like that.
Like what?
Like what I’ve never thought but I can handle it by letting go.
I thank Gusti Allah for making me a human being so I can experience being human who lives as an ordinary person, maybe less than ordinary 🤐

It is everyday lessons come and go. Some challenging, some lighter. Some are leveled up or completed, in fact some are repeated. Repetition of lessons means that a human being fails to accept what is favourable to now here and to let go of what is not favourable for the soiritual journey to achieve clarity about being human. I’m one of this that’s why I learn from all of you. ☺️

As much as I want no repetition of mistakes though I will accept life as it is, still with kindness. Kindness to whom? To myself and to others although being kind to myself might be a delayed kindness to others — it doesn’t matter, it is just about time or perception.

Photo: Yes, I will always be seen half or less than half by those who see themselves partially: either good or evil, not even a sweet arrangement of those two.

Life is just like that. ☺️

Loved Love (ranting)

Love loves, Beloved
Love loved by a loved lover
To be beloved.

Some of my friends have very strong concern about my love life and so they “take care of it” very seriously. They often check if I go dating, sign up the online dating apps, met anyone in the biz trips, if this, or that.

Normally all answers make them annoyed or laugh as I usually respond to them in light ways. Anything not giving me positive impacts or real things should not be part of a weighed consideration to deeply converse. Let go….

Recently life has given me various brain teasers in past weeks: so much forgetting daily personal things (collecting skincare, collecting my Dyson after repaired, lunch bag, ID badge, etc) and…. (drum rolls) friends checking my love life so often by tagging me in instastory that I mostly ignored, WhatsApping me with love-love questions, direct messaging me in Instagram about love-love things, and so on.

“Are you dating? You seem so radiant. I know your romantic words are for someone not for your Beloved. Tell me.” Said one of them.

Woohoo! Will never tell…. 🤪 None of anyone in the world should know whom I love until it is certain whom I will share life with. They can know I am in love and that’s it. If nothing happens, then it is a secret for the rest of this life. Age has taught me how to deal with safety, security, confidentiality and integrity.

One more friend tagged me in an instastory as if telling me to open my heart and blahblahblah….

Friends make my life fun! I love them with all my heart because I know they just want me to be happy.

Ahhh! I just want to sleep well welcoming Chinese New Year holiday.

She’s Reading

She's reading the books
Lining up in a long rack.
Scratching head and nose--

a corner that i like seeing but almost never pick the books from there – most of the books seem good but i prefer browsing around and picking those clicking with me

today i picked some to start my 2025’s reading challenge in goodreads.com

my Japanese is not getting better but reading about Japanese culture is still interesting to me

i followed the writer in Instagram two days ago and really want to see what his books are like

illustrated book is always interesting to me

am i into stoicism? not really but i see the book cover and pages are all glossy and that’s enough reason to read it

small and against the mainstream – read!

Excitement

Long road to travel
Seeing trees walking swiftly
River flowing, too--

Chinese New Year is coming soon. It is the most celebrated day in Singapore aside from National Day so many people will take a leave to celebbrate it with family, friends or to find getaway overseas. Many companies give extra days off to employees so they can take longer break in the year. My company is not exception. And so I take this opportunity to visit my 1st home country, Indonesia!

I will be in Jakarta for a few days to meet with some good friends and to check my little home that was now hostless since my good friend moved out after her marriage with a foreigner who brought her out. Another good friend is now monitoring my home once a week to check if stray cats need some food, plants need some trimming and sure the house itself need some fixing and security measure. Thank you, dear friends. 💕

From Jakarta I will continue to Yogyakarta, my home will be for retirement (damn…. my colleagues and friends keep teasing me “like you will retire soon, work, work, save money then retire at 60”. 😁

My original plan is taking train from Gambir Train Station to Yogyakarta Train Station. But then another good friend, a Jakartan, offered a ride. “Rike, I will drive from Jakarta to Jogja. Want a ride?”

Voila!

It’s gonna be my first land trip after years from Jakarta to Jogja; years ago when my brother was still working in Jakarta, he and his family gave me a ride from Jakarta to East Java until we all preferred train that was less tiring.

The offer “want a ride” was brilliant that the answer was yes with no second thought. It became even more brilliant that I wouldn’t have to drive (not a good driver I am)! Whoa! Excitement rose!

I trust this friend who has been in many land trip both car and bike around the archipelago both alone and in group. A super traveler indeed!

Friends in the whatsapp group cheered us up. Excitement rose higher!

See you, Jakarta! Then Yogyakarta!

Safe and safe!

can’t wait 😍 Jakarta to Yogyakarta with Mbak Adek 🙏🏼

About Aging

The world keeps spinning.
The body ages with time.
Trip in alignment--

Don’t be afraid of becoming old. Aging is truly a blessing.

With the gray hair I feel wisdom befriends with me. Still I have freedom to dye it to look radiant.

With the wrinkle on the skin I find kindness and understanding unfolds. Yet it is not wrong to put skincare to look healthy and fresh.

With weaker eyes I find my mind is sharper evaluating my self and environment. I can still wear reading spectacles to keep reading to refresh brain.

With less hydrated joints and less dense bones I move more slowly cum gracefully. There is no harm though to do sports regularly.

With fewer friends I still get good updates accurately about how the world spins and enjoy true relationship with little to no condition.

Eventually aging is about knowing that soul will release the physical body when they body is ultimately deteriorated, when time is up. I just need to ensure that this body knows she is never alone or lonely in the separation process.

Celebrate life!

see you next month, Hanoi

Doubted

This heart's umbrella.
Doubted, she's up to protect
And to let all go.

once i was doubted and so i let all go — it is humiliated to be distrusted while the heart is true

About A Year

About a year, Love
Where you're present and again
Giving me all joy-

2024 was such a year! Thanks much for the one year teaching me again to warmly love sincerely with little to no condition: unclear hints that broke my heart. Life is not always about glory; it’s also losing to win lessons.

2024 was about sudden trips & data as professional breakfast & lunch. I see how fast I process biased opinions & immediately detour to the right path! Such a training by & for brain muscles!

2025 is about continuing my spiritual journey with the same foundation: singularity, uniqueness & humanity;

also about doing my life work with dedication & expertise;

sweet friendship with those that respect and love each other as best friend;

about enjoying long weekends in Korine Jati soon & enjoying longer holiday somewhere else;

about keeping sharing the blessings with those around me verbally, materially, intelectually & spiritually in moderation;

& knowing & loving myself again, again, again….

…. all genuinely & with light heart.

Welcome, 2025. I already feel your sweetness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2025

dear, monkey mind

i don’t regret but it was the most painful moment in 2024 and thankfully i was helped by my life work

i love my messy hair that gets happy with breeze caressing it and my eyes that tell even when my mouth shuts

2024, thank you for bringing Banksy’s works of art to Scotts Road

A Mother (ranting)

If I'm a mother,
I'd be my children's student
And their wisdom guide.

I had a Sunday cafe date with a friend while she was accompanying her son having taekwondo class nearby.

Like usual only with this friend I can always agree to go out of my home at weekend except when I am really caught up with urgent work. With her (and her husband and children) I can talk freely with loud laughter without being afraid of any judgement. They are perhaps my closest friends here in Singapore.

One of the today’s topics was mother.

We know quite a bit about both of our journey of relationship with mothers. As daughter we had almost the same experience of dealing with mother: acceptance to be a daughter of a woman with very different mindset and nurturing experience.

Our acceptance to our mother’s love evolved beautifully. Both of us have realised how much our mothers love us and how much we both love those women called mother. It was just a matter of positioning based on respect and understanding. It is always about knowing what and how love manifests in life.

oolong tea, thanks for witnessing friends’ laughter and genuine talk

That she is herself a mother of two children has taught her what a mother’s love means. To me I experienced various conflicts and arguments with my mother until at one point I realised how hard it was to be in her position and how hard to me to accept the fact that I have to accept my position before her culturally, biologically and ethically.

This friend likes to share with me how she raises her kids and the vice versa, I also like to give case studies and see how she treats some situations. Among all married friends she might be the one I would like to be like in most situations, not all as we still have different opinions in some topics if I am a mother (I know it is just an if as I don’t even have a hope to be someone’s wife at this age). She is open to communicate with her kids and husband up to a level of sitting at a round table to openly argue about things; at the same time she has her boundary at which point a mother stops to force and at which line a child must respect parents.

Today’s was our last 2024’s meet-up. She will fly to Karuizawa, Japan on Dec 11 until end of year and I will finish my work before end-of-year’s home country leave for a short while.

This friend always makes me miss my mother.

Ibu, I will call you tomorrow morning…. Know that I will always love you . Know that I will say yes if you become my mother again in my next life.

💗

I Am

I'm not a prophet,
Not a saint. I'm a human
Accepting a lane.

if i am allowed to choose, i’d like to be in the lane of flower where colours, shapes and scents are with me

but this ability to smell nice fragrance in life is accompanied by the ability to smell bad odors

and so accepting the lane with its duality and paradox is the only way

Touched

This heart has been touched
By a breeze secretly blown
By the air of love.

i will keep learning, unlearning, relearning

life is beyond what eyes can see; even eyes can’t see what’s blocked by a sheet of paper

voice can be cancelled by a block on the ears

touch can be blocked by leather gloves

taste can be blocked by a no to appetite

but this heart will be wide open to inner journey whatever they think, whatever they say, whatever they do

Early morning after QS Arrahman

I Am Replaceable

You can replace me
With another intelligence
Or beauty.
But I worry not,
I am myself a space
That doesn't need a place or
Replace.
If replacing me
Is saving
You,
Please feel free.

irreplaceable you are

Scars

There are scars, dear heart.
They stay. Painless, ugly and
Bringing back a day--

some mirrors will remind me of the day these scars were then wounds caused by incidents committed through actions either well planned or lousily coincided

forgiving but not forgetting is not as easy as how i say

have i forgiven? or should i be forgetful?

Show of Light

Tell me, Beloved,
Your light shows me light journey.
These steps are now light.

me and Blue, ready to greet the wet earth after rain

hi, home 💕

what will be across the resevoir?

light on the railway

An Empty Jar

She's an empty jar
Longing for your rain to pour.
Fragrance of dried clay--

what do we want to pour into ou empty jar? blessings or cursing? love or ignorance? up to us–

A Date

A date, Beloved,
Gives energy and sweetness
To life. A blessing--

Have a good weekend, everyone❣️

today i had a date with a good friend and her son in Thomson Plaza; while Vito the son was having tuition, his mother and I enjoyed our Korean lunch then coffee in Ya Kun Kaya

then i accompanied them to dentist for teeth cleaning before heading to Columbus for her son’s wafel and our french fries

Thomson Plaza is our favorite place as it is not far from our houses (1 bus, no exchange), it is where her son takes his English tuition, there is no tourist and it is close to Upper Thomson neighborhood where nice cafes and restaurants are located

Journey

Journey's, Beloved,
A trip with destination.
Enjoy each moment.

everyone is leaving home to go home, by air, by water, by land, by soul, by spirit, by mind, by heart, by love, by any means…. just going home

Painful No More

Sometimes she believes
A branch to cut for whole tree.
It's painful no more.

it was the only time i took picture of my needled arm before MRI, the person doing it was a trainee and she poked on my arm 7 times without getting the right point, she was panicked but aftaid of giving up until i whispered to her “i know you feel responsible to finish this task but i also have the right to feel comfortable, let your senior do it, i’ll request nicely”

sometimes someone has to give up for the sake of everyone else’s comfort — sounds awful but that’s how life works

Favourite Episode

I love, Beloved,
When laughter's mixture of joy
And hidden strike back.

i love this episode especially when the challenge to eat avocado seed happened

enjoy 🤣