Lines of orange trees
Tell stories of a city
With its bright fruit juice.
β

graphs of my Universe
Lines of orange trees
Tell stories of a city
With its bright fruit juice.
β

Opening the door,
She finds books and thesaurus
Stacked high to the sky.
β
What else is this life mainly but library? Read your books! π
βRead your booksβ is excepted from one Quran verse βRead your records (the word kitabaka can also mean your books or your scrolls). You alone are sufficient this day to take account of yourselfβ that implies self observation, self evaluation, self assessment, self correction.
Ouch! An internal audit it is β becoming the auditor and the auditee: acting different roles in the same place using different points of view. Doable and sustainable! π
May all beings be happy.


A hole curls sweetly
As a center of a whole.
Delicious truthβ
β

Steps measure long roads
Where historians write stories
Tracking their own mind.
β
History isnβt about whatβs written only but it is also about whatβs tied to myths and folklores. Reading history books by ignoring whatβs verbally circulated by people through myths and folklores is like describing a rose through picture: failing to experience the touch and the fragrance. People are always the actual sources of historyβ without them history doesnβt exist.
History versions are as many as heads on earth as all people have their own life history related to certain incidents in the world; not all of them though write. Many save their history in head and heart with different reasonsβ no time, no tools, no courage! My blog is my history book (that to some brilliant people looks like full of unnecessary complaints and cheap experiences). I love my history book how much ever people laugh at it. Hey! When people laugh at it, it means my comedy works. π
Salaam.





On your birthday, Love,
Magic sends sweet messages
And flowers and gifts.
β
Ibu turns 78 today. It is a 78 years of human beings, 54 years of a wife, 53 years of a mother of 5. 47 years of being my motherβ maybe the most annoying of facing this one rascal among 5 angels. π She might not be always happy being her but she is full of sweet smiles and words of encouragement.
If her life is a painting, it will be a colourful canvas full of fragrant tropical flowers and powerful herbs that can be concocted as medicines especially for her family and friends. Beautiful and full of healing for othersβ No wonder her family and neighbours highly respect her.
Ibu, I know you never like big celebration and thatβs why we only send stupid messages on your birthday. But I know you always miss us to annoy you and thatβs why we give surprises! Much love today and forever!
Salaamβ¦

Oct 9, 2022
The wind brings voice of
Falling leaves softly rustling
About silent notesβ
β
I humbly apologise for not being able to read your signsβ¦. Or maybe they are for other addresses.
Salaam π


River flows. Wind blows.
Birds perch on a twig and chirp,
Enjoying good food.
β
Life is not really WYSIWYG, there are layers that can be peeled off like peeling off onions layered skins.
What is seen in a river? Its flow. Whatβs behind the flow?
What is felt in a wind? Its blow. Whatβs behind the flow?
Whatβs behind the singing birds? Whatβs behind good food?
Something looking like nothing yet there are powerful layers of realities that wrap another deeper level of reality. At the end of the peeled-off onion, what is it? The eyes see βnoneβ that can be immediately ignored, the self sees βthe essenceβ that can only be understood through accepting in silence.
What an experience as a human being! Maybe this is a euphoria of being alive, or being aware? This is a good time and I will always feel good no matter what. π
Thank you for everything. π


She be, Beloved,
The space not the furniture,
Lets all come and go.
β
If only maturity could be implanted like nose or breast or whatever, I would still choose to get mature naturally through ageing and weakening although it takes almost half of century of struggling and pain to find only its gate. Damn late!
One maturity breakthrough of my life was when realising I should be more a βspace human beingβ (my teacher calls it βroom human beingβ) rather than a βfurniture human beingβ.
Salaamβ¦.

Your face gleams in stars
I look up alone at night.
Your words shine with suns
I search in far galaxies.
Your heart sits so high,
Itβs frozen. Should I leave now?
Said I to my heart.
A line of white clouds stop me.
These feet are stuck here
Standing on dewy grasses.
Itβs almost morning.
Maybe youβll wake up, Iβll see.
Itβs a bird story
Finding a place called a home.
She thinks home is far.
It lies in her heart meadow.
β

Penang – Oct 5, 2022 / 04:56am
Silk road, Beloved,
A bumpy road to a heart
Laughing at a jokeβ
β
In a silk shop in Hanoi a conversation happened.
Me: (silently questioning whether the silk offered was truly silk from Dalat or βsilkβ from somewhere in China)
Shopkeeper: How do you like it, Madam?
Me: I love it. But to help me make decision, would you mind answering my question? I hope this wonβt offend you.
Shopkeeper: Certainly, Madam.
Me: Is this silk truly from Dalat?
Shopkeeper: Yes, Madam. It is from Dalat, my parentsβ hometown. Why, Madam?
Me: Not from China?
Shopkeeper: (laughing) We received the same question from another customer before. I am not surprised. Trust me it is Vietnamese silk, not Chinese productβ¦. (She made a joke about βsilkβ then continued her long explanation of silk industry in Vietnam and her family business history and brought some samples of old silk that had been kept since her grand grand parents started production.)
She was able to convince me relatively well and my decision was buying one pretty white piece. White silk wonβt go wrong to attend my nephewβs wedding in December! π₯°
May all beings be happy.

Cluttered, Beloved,
Storing unprocessed info
Too much. Declutter!
β
I love jewelry and used to love purchasing them not because of its value but more because of sentiment to its historical, cultural or spiritual loads. And that was lots of money (to me, not to others who have millions and millions of dollars). My close friends and my mother repeatedly ranted and nagged to me to buy gold than those βmeaninglessβ jewelry. Did I listen? Of course nooooooot!!!
Until one day I realised that those things are a fantasy in a hoarderβs spirit of mine. And so I decided to stop buying things if not helping me work/study better or making this journey lighter.
I should be decluttering more and more and giving more space to moving energy. My home should be filled with more expressive sweet love than with unprocessed memories. Unprocessed memories = info that is never escalated into knowledge then insight then wisdom = rubbish!
Dear Life, please let me be with you longer so that I can unlearn more and more wisely, embrace your true meaning more and more clearly and give meaning to you more and more sweetly.
*breathing for a while for the next task of todayβs decluttering*


and other rubbish – give away or throw away!


In you, Beloved,
Thereβs Moses and The Shepherd.
Transfigurationβ
β
Like it or not, both are within.
Salaam.

π€

π€©

π
Behind whatβs seen,
What are you, Beloved?
Root of a tree
Who grows in in the dark,
Breathes with the creepy crawly,
Sleeps in none of seasons.
Silently grateful for
Whatβs not understood.
Cartilage of a human body
Who is not hard enough to be bone,
Not soft enough to be muscle,
Comfortably sits in between,
Catches messages delivered
By whisper, breeze and wind.
Jasmine sambac of the garden
Who is humbly tiny, clustering;
Blooms the whole year,
Leaves much fragrance to the day,
Deep meaning to celebration
Before she dries brown.
Helium of the sun
Light, low, odourless, tasteless, insipidβ
Itβs peaceful to be low profile,
Itβs more joyful and freer,
Itβs easier to be me,
Closer to Gaia.
Yet no secret bandit among
The rascals in the block!
What?!
What what?!
Donβt ask. I can be anything
But
You.
β
Rainy weekend is good especially when just have to shortly reply βOk!β to a message saying βHeavy rain. Impossible to bike. Rain check ya.β
π

A bridge, Beloved,
Transitioning melody
Between two islandsβ
β
It takes logical thinking to bridge the gaps β where she is, where she wants to be. And, honesty is the right logic to know how to get from one state to another.
?
Can anyone be dishonest to oneβs self? Yes? How long? Long enough to sink before reaching the destination.
May all beings be happy.

Playground, Beloved,
Where crickets find the shelters,
Light heart run aroundβ
β
Back to my playground β am I the crickets hiding from the stomping feet of the children playing? Or the the light-hearted children stomping their feet around?
Comfort comes in different ways to different people.
May all beings be happy.

Feeling, Beloved,
Sparks from a crater deep down
Show that itβs alive-
β
Little bird, dear love,
Telling her to soar then go home
To where her heart isβ
β
Home. Is it a what, a who, a whom, a whose, a which, a when, a where or a how? She knows hers and it doesnβt always the same as othersβ. π

Daruma city
Youβve witnessed left eyes were drawn.
Wish me the right ones.
–
A group of people in Takasaki wished me a happy birthday in an online meeting. A real surprise that made my day! I almost cried of happiness! π₯Ί
This evening one of them went back to Tokyo and she sent me messages with photos taken in Takasaki station. Another sweet surprise!
γγγγ¨γγγγγΎγ, AWγγγγΎγζ₯εΉ΄γδΌγγγΎγγγοΌ
Looking forward to a set of daruma dolls of different colours I ordered from Amazon (because of cancelled plan to buy them in its original city). Not a real surprise but hope the dolls give me a little shade of surprise! π€©
Salaam.


Dream home, Beloved,
Sitting with all senses on,
Capturing momentsβ
β
Lunch break + very very heavy rain = early wish of birthday getaway to come true!





To be continued with more destinations in 2028, 2029, 2030, 2031, 2032, 2033, 2034, 2035, 2036, 2037, 2038, 2039, 2040, 2041, 2042, 2043, 2044, 2045, 2046, 2047, 2048, 2049, 2050, 2051, 2052, 2053, 2054, 2055, 2056, 2057, 2058, 2059, 2060, 2061, 2062, 2063, 2064, 2065β¦. As if I knew how long I will wander around here? I hope to live as long as time is mentally and physically enjoyable with family and friends without bothering them.
Long life, fresh and sane!
Then came the calculation partβ¦. A lot of coins to spend to comfortably celebrate that way in those particular places. Easy! Just need a clover pendant to make it happen. π

Thanks for the rain and daydream. I know there is more than meets the eye! Life is so rich and I accept all the gifts.
Crossroads, Beloved,
A while gauging where to goβ
Follow the North Star.
β
Todayβs conversation with one best friend was a bit nostalgic. She talked about how she went to spiritual class (very common in my country to do so for religion or non-religion based teachings) until finally she quit at 45. Her reason was disappointment to teachers. She asked about me and I said quit at 30βs and my disappointment was to myself.
A stubborn student, I wouldnβt listen to what teachers told me to believe or to do. I would ask questions then believed only when choosing to believe; even with good explanation, I wouldnβt believe if not interested to believe.
One example of the fool was when a particular teacher gave βdaily taskβ to recite βBismillahirrahmanirrahiemβ, I didnβt do it even he only asked me to recite it 10x a day, while the other two were 100x a day. βNo, Teacher. Why do I have to do it? I already read it as part of Alfatihah recitation in my daily prayer, thatβs more than 10x a day,β said I. It was when praying was five times a day for me, oftentimes 7 times!
Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem is a sacred word uttered by Muslim or most traditional non-Muslim Javanese when starting an activity. It means βIn the name of Allah The Gracious The Mercifulβ, some interpret it as βOn behalf of Allah The Gracious The Mercifulβ. By reading it the reader is expected to only do good thing with good intension with love. The teacher also said that reading it we were doing self alignment: align the self with the true self, to be true to ourselves, to easily make decision and to cut short confusion and to always be blessed, to blend action with good intension.
Amazingly all teachers understood the fool and just gave a lot of smiles and books to read which annoyed her more and more. I became frustrated seeing the two good friends gained fast track understanding of life. I decided to quit then did whatever was fun fun fun ignoring the essence of being human being.
Only years later I found that self alignment is very important and I was sorry for realising it late. I finally got it why those two good friends were so peaceful while I was still struggling with almost everything. It was also the year when we found that that dear teacher passed away of old age.

Now? Learning to care more about inner journey and well being. Whatever happens to me is a consequence of my decision. If the decision is aligned with my true self, it leads to success. If the decision is false and against my true self, it leads to lesson learnt. Lesson learnt leads to better decision. Better decision leads to success. Success to me is not merely material gain, it can be simply being able to smile in tough time. This simple lesson is a result of years of battle for a stupid person like me.
My best friend asked me how now to deal with self alignment esp when in confusion.
Me: I recite Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem cumulatively 300x before night sleep.
BF: Why? Did that teacher come virtually and ask you to?
Me: No. I found that this word is my best to strengthen self-alignment between good intention and action.
BF: Why 300x? He said 10x.
Me: He discounted the price. Iβm 30x more valuable than his appraisal.
BF: Arrogant fool!
Me: Iβm just a fool.
BF: There are two of us.
Lesson learnt: Always find a way to see my fool not othersβ. Always find a way to laugh at my own self not at othersβ.
Alfatihah.
I donβt want to race.
Only safety that I wish
So I can meet you.
β


No doubt, Beloved,
Flowers blooming greet the sun.
The vase is ready.
β
Welcome to a happiest month! π

Gesture, Beloved,
Expressed to send a message
Addressed with no stamp
β

Dream home, Beloved,
A place where nature meets hearts;
Hearts warmly greet soulsβ
β
The conversation with a long lost friend came to a topic of βwhere we want to live if ending living alone?β
Living in Singapore was never part of my dream. A visit in 2010 gave me impression that I would die of hunger in a week with Indonesia salary. π
Now this city is a lovely second home; my impression has changed. I wonβt die because of hunger but I will die because of loneliness if I stay single retiring here. I still canβt find enough friends like those in home country. There are three but all of them will retire in Bali and New Zealand sooner than me.
Residing in a landed property where gardening and backyard dining is affordable is a preference, yet I donβt have the luxury of living in such place here. And I donβt want to die alone in a locked condo found rotten after days or even weeks. Oh God, please protect me from such horrible thing. Amenβ¦.
F: Iβve always wanted to live in Ubud and it will happen very soon. Iβll open a spa with all traditional herbal from all over Indonesia. Iβll quit my job soon. I want to live my own life as me, no one can tell me to do this and that anymore! No bloody politics anymore! Visit me often! Youβll find my spa super special! Iβll give you discount! Be a regular customer! Hey! You once wanted to live in Thailand?
Me: Someone informed me about a good property in low price near my favourite hotel in Ayutthaya. Yet Thai have controversial life style Iβm not comfortable with in a way. Iβm too simple, sometimes too honest and can be against those status-oriented that I might not be able to adapt well. Not a true dream! Hey! Actually love to live in Kyoto!
F: Youβll die in three months after you complete second round of shrine, temple and ancient house hopping! π
Me: Dying of walking! π
What a refreshing conversation! And yes, Iβll visit her spa soon! π
Lesson learnt: Will only live with those I love and loving me where home is a real feel. No excuse.
Salaamβ¦. π


In harmony, love,
The art, the breath, the weather
With the city vibeβ
β
I prefer enjoying the artistic vibes of a city to enjoying the crowd of its party or clubbing. Peopleβs effort to entertain others through art on the street while at the same time earning a living is more humane than peopleβs effort to escape from their allegedly humdrum life by forgetting who they really are (my humble opinion).
May all beings be happy. π



Lover, Beloved,
With whom air and joy is shared,
By whom tears soon driedβ
β
Being excited about solo travel wished in near future has made me remember places visited alone years ago. One of them is Madrid. Exciting one! Also ridiculous one! This trip was where I had: Korean food for lunch (my hunger came earlier, while people in Madrid have lunch at around 2pm so the most recommended Madrid restaurant was not open yet), Chinese silk bought (order from my beautiful best friend who was craving for it), lapis lazuli earring studs purchased for β¬80 (found them only S$40 in Lucky Plaza, might be only IDR300,000 in Jakarta), walking around the same street 4 times to find one place that was shown very clearly in Google Map…. I was lost in mind because of too many handsome faces on the road π
Madrid though wonβt be a city I will go alone anymore. This place is too romantic to go without a lover.
One more thing, be careful of pickpockets! Too many, too many!
Salaam. π

A beautiful view
Conjured by moon, sunk by sun.
It feels faraway,
A dissipating shadow.
At least I dream about you.
β
Sunday, did you conspire with the sun to snap my dream? Never mind. Iβll call the moon again to get it back. π
Happy Sunday!

Journey, Beloved,
Lost in the crowd, finding self.
Walk to the next gate.
β
Try solo travel and identify the emerging emotions from one place to another. Itβs great to experience different feelings responding to new people and different culture.
Itβs not about how many countries have been explored. Itβs about how much this self can stretch herself through the need of adaptation and flexibility alone. Not easy but doableβ
Whatβs the next destination of her solo travel? Wherever, soon please.
π

Dove peace, Beloved,
Not doveβs! Itβs ours projecting
What we canβt achieveβ
β

Iβm lost, Beloved.
This maze takes me a hostage
I need to grow wings.
β
You might feel lost yet donβt get lazed. Open your eyes. This is not that maze maze. It is just an abandoned garden where trees are growing high touching the sky blocking the sun ray, grasses are growing wild covering the paths disguising directions. Look! There is something blinking from afar. Follow it, it might be a star. Or at least there is something moving you out of where you are.
Firstly open eyes! Your cat is getting impatient to go for adventure. Donβt let it leave you. This cat is a precious traveling companion indeed.
WAKE UP!!!
π

after morning prayer
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