graphs of my Universe
Weather is changing,
Sky isnβt. Furniture does,
Space sits still smiling.
β
No condition changes space. Itβs there, might look temporarily conditioned sometimes but simply because some furniture is busy βstirring the airβ. And sky is just there being the canvas of weathers which come and go.
Itβs fun to observe and silently enjoy each moment of truth.
Salaam.
My mother said
You were a cute baby
Even when crying.
My mother said
You were a beautiful toddler
Running around,
Bubbling all words.
My mother said
You were a cheerful girl
Cycling around
Climbing up trees
Playing drowning in the river.
My mother said
You were a beautiful woman
Arguing every ideas from me
Showing me your strong desires
Moving to where life brought us.
My mother said
You are an adult woman
Enjoying life differently from me
Giving me what youβve promised to be
Loving what you love with no doubt
Living life with smiles and warm heart.
My mother said
I love you
I bless you
Wherever you are.
Youβre loved
Youβre blessed
However you are.
β
My mother called, we laughed a lot today. She said I laughed as I did when I was a baby. How happy I have been to be her daughter. Lots of hugs and kisses, Ibu.
Alfatihah.
π
Follow the cycles
As driven by wind through path.
Move with heart and soul.
β
Eyes see colour hue
Splattering on a palette
Ready to draw taste.
β
Excited for my kitchen will be! πππ
A path to a place
Is walked through trees and uphills.
A meadow is waiting
Opening another path
To a warm home filled with love.
β
My friend sent me three photos of our beloved βsimbahβ (those senior people who are considered wise or those who have grandchildren) – Javanese). Most people call these simbah βbatik makerβ because they make batik to earn a living. We both call them βbatik artistβ. More than that through what weβve seen and heard about them, weβve considered they are artists of their life. How they embrace their humble life gracefully and consciously has always amazed both of us. They live like calm river flowing to the sea. They donβt struggle against what others think about or do to them. They live as if there is no hindrance and disturbance in life.
When my friend told me some things about those three honourable ladies, I secretly harvested some lessons. It is very critical reminder for me who is still very much attached to a feeling of (accidentally) underestimated and (slightly) humiliated because of one petty case. These three artists of life have silently told me to let go.
What a loud shot in a quiet weekend!
No apology is needed. All is gradually let go through my own wish and willingness. This is my life and I only want to be the artist of my own life. π
Thank you, artists of life. Youβre blessed. π
Salaam.
Where is peace on earth?
In deep sea, blue sky, green land,
Kind heart and here now.
β
Day and night take turn
Defining wrinkles on skin,
Brilliance on soul.
β
I love
You
Without throbbing heart
I love
You
Without nervous mind
I love
You
Without going date
I love
You
Without touching each other
I love
You
Without intense conversation
I love
You
With the breeze of mountains
I love
You
With the wave of oceans
I love
You
With the dew of mornings
I love
You
With the sound of music
I love
You
With the hue of flowers
I love
You
With the flow of dreams
I love
You
With all whose reason is unseen.
How rejoicing and exciting.
(The Loverβs love to the Beloved)
Dark night starts early
In fall when red leaves sway down
To earth cooling off.
β
While normally talking about spirituality and self love, one day one bestie and I conversed about money. To me she appears much more calculating than all of us in the circle. She manages her money very carefully and (of course) influences her friends to do so.
βIf we feel ready with both predictable and measured emergency issues, we can feel good in more time than not.β 100% agree!
She is one of two besties teaching us to save at least 12-month income for emergency, fully pay all the loan the soonest possible, stay liquid rather than fixed (assets), not lend any assets to anyone anymore even with oneβs emergency reason. I stubbornly disagreed with last one.
And she said all should be done soon because 2023 seems gloomy.
I didnβt take her words until watching a bunch of YouTube videos about financial analysis and forecast by experts and practitioners for the past two years.
Not hoping the darkness happens but there is no harm to prepare the umbrella before it rains.
Please save us. Amenβ¦
Lines of orange trees
Tell stories of a city
With its bright fruit juice.
β
Opening the door,
She finds books and thesaurus
Stacked high to the sky.
β
What else is this life mainly but library? Read your books! π
βRead your booksβ is excepted from one Quran verse βRead your records (the word kitabaka can also mean your books or your scrolls). You alone are sufficient this day to take account of yourselfβ that implies self observation, self evaluation, self assessment, self correction.
Ouch! An internal audit it is β becoming the auditor and the auditee: acting different roles in the same place using different points of view. Doable and sustainable! π
May all beings be happy.
A hole curls sweetly
As a center of a whole.
Delicious truthβ
β
Steps measure long roads
Where historians write stories
Tracking their own mind.
β
History isnβt about whatβs written only but it is also about whatβs tied to myths and folklores. Reading history books by ignoring whatβs verbally circulated by people through myths and folklores is like describing a rose through picture: failing to experience the touch and the fragrance. People are always the actual sources of historyβ without them history doesnβt exist.
History versions are as many as heads on earth as all people have their own life history related to certain incidents in the world; not all of them though write. Many save their history in head and heart with different reasonsβ no time, no tools, no courage! My blog is my history book (that to some brilliant people looks like full of unnecessary complaints and cheap experiences). I love my history book how much ever people laugh at it. Hey! When people laugh at it, it means my comedy works. π
Salaam.
On your birthday, Love,
Magic sends sweet messages
And flowers and gifts.
β
Ibu turns 78 today. It is a 78 years of human beings, 54 years of a wife, 53 years of a mother of 5. 47 years of being my motherβ maybe the most annoying of facing this one rascal among 5 angels. π She might not be always happy being her but she is full of sweet smiles and words of encouragement.
If her life is a painting, it will be a colourful canvas full of fragrant tropical flowers and powerful herbs that can be concocted as medicines especially for her family and friends. Beautiful and full of healing for othersβ No wonder her family and neighbours highly respect her.
Ibu, I know you never like big celebration and thatβs why we only send stupid messages on your birthday. But I know you always miss us to annoy you and thatβs why we give surprises! Much love today and forever!
Salaamβ¦
Oct 9, 2022
The wind brings voice of
Falling leaves softly rustling
About silent notesβ
β
I humbly apologise for not being able to read your signsβ¦. Or maybe they are for other addresses.
Salaam π
River flows. Wind blows.
Birds perch on a twig and chirp,
Enjoying good food.
β
Life is not really WYSIWYG, there are layers that can be peeled off like peeling off onions layered skins.
What is seen in a river? Its flow. Whatβs behind the flow?
What is felt in a wind? Its blow. Whatβs behind the flow?
Whatβs behind the singing birds? Whatβs behind good food?
Something looking like nothing yet there are powerful layers of realities that wrap another deeper level of reality. At the end of the peeled-off onion, what is it? The eyes see βnoneβ that can be immediately ignored, the self sees βthe essenceβ that can only be understood through accepting in silence.
What an experience as a human being! Maybe this is a euphoria of being alive, or being aware? This is a good time and I will always feel good no matter what. π
Thank you for everything. π
She be, Beloved,
The space not the furniture,
Lets all come and go.
β
If only maturity could be implanted like nose or breast or whatever, I would still choose to get mature naturally through ageing and weakening although it takes almost half of century of struggling and pain to find only its gate. Damn late!
One maturity breakthrough of my life was when realising I should be more a βspace human beingβ (my teacher calls it βroom human beingβ) rather than a βfurniture human beingβ.
Salaamβ¦.
Your face gleams in stars
I look up alone at night.
Your words shine with suns
I search in far galaxies.
Your heart sits so high,
Itβs frozen. Should I leave now?
Said I to my heart.
A line of white clouds stop me.
These feet are stuck here
Standing on dewy grasses.
Itβs almost morning.
Maybe youβll wake up, Iβll see.
Itβs a bird story
Finding a place called a home.
She thinks home is far.
It lies in her heart meadow.
β
Penang – Oct 5, 2022 / 04:56am
Silk road, Beloved,
A bumpy road to a heart
Laughing at a jokeβ
β
In a silk shop in Hanoi a conversation happened.
Me: (silently questioning whether the silk offered was truly silk from Dalat or βsilkβ from somewhere in China)
Shopkeeper: How do you like it, Madam?
Me: I love it. But to help me make decision, would you mind answering my question? I hope this wonβt offend you.
Shopkeeper: Certainly, Madam.
Me: Is this silk truly from Dalat?
Shopkeeper: Yes, Madam. It is from Dalat, my parentsβ hometown. Why, Madam?
Me: Not from China?
Shopkeeper: (laughing) We received the same question from another customer before. I am not surprised. Trust me it is Vietnamese silk, not Chinese productβ¦. (She made a joke about βsilkβ then continued her long explanation of silk industry in Vietnam and her family business history and brought some samples of old silk that had been kept since her grand grand parents started production.)
She was able to convince me relatively well and my decision was buying one pretty white piece. White silk wonβt go wrong to attend my nephewβs wedding in December! π₯°
May all beings be happy.
Cluttered, Beloved,
Storing unprocessed info
Too much. Declutter!
β
I love jewelry and used to love purchasing them not because of its value but more because of sentiment to its historical, cultural or spiritual loads. And that was lots of money (to me, not to others who have millions and millions of dollars). My close friends and my mother repeatedly ranted and nagged to me to buy gold than those βmeaninglessβ jewelry. Did I listen? Of course nooooooot!!!
Until one day I realised that those things are a fantasy in a hoarderβs spirit of mine. And so I decided to stop buying things if not helping me work/study better or making this journey lighter.
I should be decluttering more and more and giving more space to moving energy. My home should be filled with more expressive sweet love than with unprocessed memories. Unprocessed memories = info that is never escalated into knowledge then insight then wisdom = rubbish!
Dear Life, please let me be with you longer so that I can unlearn more and more wisely, embrace your true meaning more and more clearly and give meaning to you more and more sweetly.
*breathing for a while for the next task of todayβs decluttering*
and other rubbish – give away or throw away!
In you, Beloved,
Thereβs Moses and The Shepherd.
Transfigurationβ
β
Like it or not, both are within.
Salaam.
π€
π€©
π
Behind whatβs seen,
What are you, Beloved?
Root of a tree
Who grows in in the dark,
Breathes with the creepy crawly,
Sleeps in none of seasons.
Silently grateful for
Whatβs not understood.
Cartilage of a human body
Who is not hard enough to be bone,
Not soft enough to be muscle,
Comfortably sits in between,
Catches messages delivered
By whisper, breeze and wind.
Jasmine sambac of the garden
Who is humbly tiny, clustering;
Blooms the whole year,
Leaves much fragrance to the day,
Deep meaning to celebration
Before she dries brown.
Helium of the sun
Light, low, odourless, tasteless, insipidβ
Itβs peaceful to be low profile,
Itβs more joyful and freer,
Itβs easier to be me,
Closer to Gaia.
Yet no secret bandit among
The rascals in the block!
What?!
What what?!
Donβt ask. I can be anything
But
You.
β
Rainy weekend is good especially when just have to shortly reply βOk!β to a message saying βHeavy rain. Impossible to bike. Rain check ya.β
π
A bridge, Beloved,
Transitioning melody
Between two islandsβ
β
It takes logical thinking to bridge the gaps β where she is, where she wants to be. And, honesty is the right logic to know how to get from one state to another.
?
Can anyone be dishonest to oneβs self? Yes? How long? Long enough to sink before reaching the destination.
May all beings be happy.
Playground, Beloved,
Where crickets find the shelters,
Light heart run aroundβ
β
Back to my playground β am I the crickets hiding from the stomping feet of the children playing? Or the the light-hearted children stomping their feet around?
Comfort comes in different ways to different people.
May all beings be happy.
Feeling, Beloved,
Sparks from a crater deep down
Show that itβs alive-
β
Little bird, dear love,
Telling her to soar then go home
To where her heart isβ
β
Home. Is it a what, a who, a whom, a whose, a which, a when, a where or a how? She knows hers and it doesnβt always the same as othersβ. π
Daruma city
Youβve witnessed left eyes were drawn.
Wish me the right ones.
–
A group of people in Takasaki wished me a happy birthday in an online meeting. A real surprise that made my day! I almost cried of happiness! π₯Ί
This evening one of them went back to Tokyo and she sent me messages with photos taken in Takasaki station. Another sweet surprise!
γγγγ¨γγγγγΎγ, AWγγγγΎγζ₯εΉ΄γδΌγγγΎγγγοΌ
Looking forward to a set of daruma dolls of different colours I ordered from Amazon (because of cancelled plan to buy them in its original city). Not a real surprise but hope the dolls give me a little shade of surprise! π€©
Salaam.
Dream home, Beloved,
Sitting with all senses on,
Capturing momentsβ
β
Lunch break + very very heavy rain = early wish of birthday getaway to come true!
To be continued with more destinations in 2028, 2029, 2030, 2031, 2032, 2033, 2034, 2035, 2036, 2037, 2038, 2039, 2040, 2041, 2042, 2043, 2044, 2045, 2046, 2047, 2048, 2049, 2050, 2051, 2052, 2053, 2054, 2055, 2056, 2057, 2058, 2059, 2060, 2061, 2062, 2063, 2064, 2065β¦. As if I knew how long I will wander around here? I hope to live as long as time is mentally and physically enjoyable with family and friends without bothering them.
Long life, fresh and sane!
Then came the calculation partβ¦. A lot of coins to spend to comfortably celebrate that way in those particular places. Easy! Just need a clover pendant to make it happen. π
Thanks for the rain and daydream. I know there is more than meets the eye! Life is so rich and I accept all the gifts.
Crossroads, Beloved,
A while gauging where to goβ
Follow the North Star.
β
Todayβs conversation with one best friend was a bit nostalgic. She talked about how she went to spiritual class (very common in my country to do so for religion or non-religion based teachings) until finally she quit at 45. Her reason was disappointment to teachers. She asked about me and I said quit at 30βs and my disappointment was to myself.
A stubborn student, I wouldnβt listen to what teachers told me to believe or to do. I would ask questions then believed only when choosing to believe; even with good explanation, I wouldnβt believe if not interested to believe.
One example of the fool was when a particular teacher gave βdaily taskβ to recite βBismillahirrahmanirrahiemβ, I didnβt do it even he only asked me to recite it 10x a day, while the other two were 100x a day. βNo, Teacher. Why do I have to do it? I already read it as part of Alfatihah recitation in my daily prayer, thatβs more than 10x a day,β said I. It was when praying was five times a day for me, oftentimes 7 times!
Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem is a sacred word uttered by Muslim or most traditional non-Muslim Javanese when starting an activity. It means βIn the name of Allah The Gracious The Mercifulβ, some interpret it as βOn behalf of Allah The Gracious The Mercifulβ. By reading it the reader is expected to only do good thing with good intension with love. The teacher also said that reading it we were doing self alignment: align the self with the true self, to be true to ourselves, to easily make decision and to cut short confusion and to always be blessed, to blend action with good intension.
Amazingly all teachers understood the fool and just gave a lot of smiles and books to read which annoyed her more and more. I became frustrated seeing the two good friends gained fast track understanding of life. I decided to quit then did whatever was fun fun fun ignoring the essence of being human being.
Only years later I found that self alignment is very important and I was sorry for realising it late. I finally got it why those two good friends were so peaceful while I was still struggling with almost everything. It was also the year when we found that that dear teacher passed away of old age.
Now? Learning to care more about inner journey and well being. Whatever happens to me is a consequence of my decision. If the decision is aligned with my true self, it leads to success. If the decision is false and against my true self, it leads to lesson learnt. Lesson learnt leads to better decision. Better decision leads to success. Success to me is not merely material gain, it can be simply being able to smile in tough time. This simple lesson is a result of years of battle for a stupid person like me.
My best friend asked me how now to deal with self alignment esp when in confusion.
Me: I recite Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem cumulatively 300x before night sleep.
BF: Why? Did that teacher come virtually and ask you to?
Me: No. I found that this word is my best to strengthen self-alignment between good intention and action.
BF: Why 300x? He said 10x.
Me: He discounted the price. Iβm 30x more valuable than his appraisal.
BF: Arrogant fool!
Me: Iβm just a fool.
BF: There are two of us.
Lesson learnt: Always find a way to see my fool not othersβ. Always find a way to laugh at my own self not at othersβ.
Alfatihah.
I donβt want to race.
Only safety that I wish
So I can meet you.
β
rike jokanan 
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