graphs of my Universe
Weather is changing,
Sky isn’t. Furniture does,
Space sits still smiling.
—
No condition changes space. It’s there, might look temporarily conditioned sometimes but simply because some furniture is busy “stirring the air”. And sky is just there being the canvas of weathers which come and go.
It’s fun to observe and silently enjoy each moment of truth.
Salaam.
My mother said
You were a cute baby
Even when crying.
My mother said
You were a beautiful toddler
Running around,
Bubbling all words.
My mother said
You were a cheerful girl
Cycling around
Climbing up trees
Playing drowning in the river.
My mother said
You were a beautiful woman
Arguing every ideas from me
Showing me your strong desires
Moving to where life brought us.
My mother said
You are an adult woman
Enjoying life differently from me
Giving me what you’ve promised to be
Loving what you love with no doubt
Living life with smiles and warm heart.
My mother said
I love you
I bless you
Wherever you are.
You’re loved
You’re blessed
However you are.
—
My mother called, we laughed a lot today. She said I laughed as I did when I was a baby. How happy I have been to be her daughter. Lots of hugs and kisses, Ibu.
Alfatihah.
💝
A path to a place
Is walked through trees and uphills.
A meadow is waiting
Opening another path
To a warm home filled with love.
—
My friend sent me three photos of our beloved “simbah” (those senior people who are considered wise or those who have grandchildren) – Javanese). Most people call these simbah “batik maker” because they make batik to earn a living. We both call them “batik artist”. More than that through what we’ve seen and heard about them, we’ve considered they are artists of their life. How they embrace their humble life gracefully and consciously has always amazed both of us. They live like calm river flowing to the sea. They don’t struggle against what others think about or do to them. They live as if there is no hindrance and disturbance in life.
When my friend told me some things about those three honourable ladies, I secretly harvested some lessons. It is very critical reminder for me who is still very much attached to a feeling of (accidentally) underestimated and (slightly) humiliated because of one petty case. These three artists of life have silently told me to let go.
What a loud shot in a quiet weekend!
No apology is needed. All is gradually let go through my own wish and willingness. This is my life and I only want to be the artist of my own life. 💝
Thank you, artists of life. You’re blessed. 💝
Salaam.
The biggest secrets
Are sitting on the eyelids
Without disguising.
—
Where is peace on earth?
In deep sea, blue sky, green land,
Kind heart and here now.
—
Dark night starts early
In fall when red leaves sway down
To earth cooling off.
—
While normally talking about spirituality and self love, one day one bestie and I conversed about money. To me she appears much more calculating than all of us in the circle. She manages her money very carefully and (of course) influences her friends to do so.
“If we feel ready with both predictable and measured emergency issues, we can feel good in more time than not.” 100% agree!
She is one of two besties teaching us to save at least 12-month income for emergency, fully pay all the loan the soonest possible, stay liquid rather than fixed (assets), not lend any assets to anyone anymore even with one’s emergency reason. I stubbornly disagreed with last one.
And she said all should be done soon because 2023 seems gloomy.
I didn’t take her words until watching a bunch of YouTube videos about financial analysis and forecast by experts and practitioners for the past two years.
Not hoping the darkness happens but there is no harm to prepare the umbrella before it rains.
Please save us. Amen…
Loud enough and clear—
Thunder strikes and rain begins.
Children play outside.
—
Your signs are well read, well noted, well understood. Well…. 😎
River flows. Wind blows.
Birds perch on a twig and chirp,
Enjoying good food.
—
Life is not really WYSIWYG, there are layers that can be peeled off like peeling off onions layered skins.
What is seen in a river? Its flow. What’s behind the flow?
What is felt in a wind? Its blow. What’s behind the flow?
What’s behind the singing birds? What’s behind good food?
Something looking like nothing yet there are powerful layers of realities that wrap another deeper level of reality. At the end of the peeled-off onion, what is it? The eyes see “none” that can be immediately ignored, the self sees “the essence” that can only be understood through accepting in silence.
What an experience as a human being! Maybe this is a euphoria of being alive, or being aware? This is a good time and I will always feel good no matter what. 💝
Thank you for everything. 💝
Background, Beloved,
Grass of meadow,
Water of lake,
Sand of desert,
Breeze of mountain,
Wave of ocean,
Trees of forest,
A spill of a secret.
Background, Beloved,
Without which
One can’t be
Fully described.
A signature
After yours truly—
—
Today’s call was with a not so close friend who found a Facebook account she suspected as mine after seeing the account commented in one of her friend’s Facebook post. Slightly not a welcomed call but a good one to learn to be sweetly sarcastic to a public enemy—
F: You should change the background photo. The current one if too plain.
Me: With what?
F: It should be a picture that describes you, the owner. You like flower, maybe you can put flowers? Or kitchen because you like cooking? Or books?
Me: This is not a personal Facebook account. Don’t own one; not needed. This one is for me to display gathering schedules and photos to family and friends.
F: An AirBnB wanna be?
Me: More or less but more a rendezvous place. Other ideas for the background photo?
F: Maybe Kraton Yogyakarta or its symbol. Or Merapi. Or Candi Boko. Anything associated to Yogyakarta well known tourist spots; your home can be one of a very interesting place for some people in that city, too. Eh, eh you can also put photos of Singapore landscapes as you’ve been living there; it is to show people that you live in both places.
Me: The home is a humble place, too petty to represent or to be represented by those grand things. I prefer screenshooting the map of the surrounding like now. You see the Jiwa Jawi Restaurant? That is my backyard.
F: Nice! But you should give some luxury touch so people will be interested to visit.
Me: Thank you. Hey! Your background photo is Eiffel Tower! You want to live in Paris?
F: No, just symbol of romance. that’s to show how romantic me and my spouse are.
Me: Maybe you should use Taj Mahal picture. I can give you mine. That’s more relevant.
F: Eiffel is more romantic to us. It represents modern romance.
Me: Oh, ok. (eyes rolled)
F: I like the name you give to your home. What’s the meaning? May we both visit and stay overnight?
Me: Thank you. The meaning is a door to those real or a door to those true. You may visit but I’m sorry not for staying overnight. I’ll invite you for lunch with other friends someday. Not so soon though. Wait until I have a decent kitchen and long dining table so no one touches each other’s elbows when eating
F: Would be glad to! May we both request special cookings?
Me: Ah! It is a friendly invitation not a paid lunch so I don’t accept request. The best will be served for sure.
F: Ah…. Unfortunately…. We’d like some western food if there is.
Me: Ah.,.. Mostly served are local foods from different islands in Indonesia or a few Asian ones. Never mind. I can invite you only for a house tour minus my bed room because you’re not gonna like it…. (smiled at the end of the line then excused myself immediately)
Boundary is important. We can be kind but not be fooled around.
Salaam.
She be, Beloved,
The space not the furniture,
Lets all come and go.
—
If only maturity could be implanted like nose or breast or whatever, I would still choose to get mature naturally through ageing and weakening although it takes almost half of century of struggling and pain to find only its gate. Damn late!
One maturity breakthrough of my life was when realising I should be more a “space human being” (my teacher calls it “room human being”) rather than a “furniture human being”.
Salaam….
Come true, Beloved,
Wishes colouring this life,
Bringing love and joy—
—
My mini daruma dolls package arrived from Japan. Now it is time to make wishes and draw the left eye.
May all beings be happy!
Brewed tea, Beloved,
Best sipped anytime with you
While counting the stars—
—
Certain music composition like good friends is like well brewed tea, suitable for any occasion.
Feel good, Beloved,
No matter what. Stars still shine.
Moon and earth still spin.
—
Why are you nervous, my dear? Romance is within reach, just between breathing in and breathing out. Stars, moon and earth give you so much attention while you are ignoring them. They have done their jobs; you should do yours if you think it feels good.
May all beings be happy.
Salaam. 💝
White hair, Beloved,
Waves through the wind of white sword
Waved by white wizard.
—
In white hair, will I be as strong as Gandalf?
Romance, Beloved,
Turns her into a dreamer
Of a slow dinner.
—
Today’s dinner is the longest ever I have alone: sitting in the restaurant for almost one hour not only to eat but also to enjoy a sight of two old-aged lovers enjoying dinner at a table across mine. There was no obsession of showy loving, no romantically staring each other, no hand holding, only picking food from the shared menu on a plate and a bowl s-l-o-w-l-y almost meditatively — Hmmm I mean I still dream of doing the young romance but at their age all lovers will have become “private life historians” wanting to recount memories alone in the crowd. 😄
They spoke Vietnamese so I (almost) whispered to a waitress serving both of our tables to translate a chunk of the chat we both eavesdropped. A couple of hackers of very ordinary topics! 😊
When I left the table (they were having a shared plate of dessert s-l-o-w-l-y), I smiled and waved my hand to the lady. She smiled and waved to me, too. Silently I sent my prayer gift for their health and happiness.
I think my dinner was more romantic than theirs. What a beautiful evening!
Wakey, wakey!
Time to prepare tomorrow’s work! ☺️
Salaam.
These gifts, Beloved,
Peace and love hummed to loved ones
Living here and there—
—
One of the Javanese and Islamic teachings that I will never leave for the rest of my life is sending gift of prayer containing peace and love to my loved ones wherever they are, whether they are physically wandering on earth or spiritually gathering around life.
I believe that my passing-away ancestors are living in different levels of consciousness (call it hell, heaven or somewhere in between up to your liking) and they are watching their offsprings without being able to directly communicating with us. They deserve my gift as they have been my line to get the chance to be here now. They deserve peace and love as they have done the best they could to draw a meaningful family tree. Yes, some might have made silly mistakes but hey that’s what Buddhism calls “karma”. Yes, some might have caused shameful stains on the family picture but hey that’s what Islam calls “alam syahadah”. Whoever and whatever they were, all of my ancestors deserve good wishes sung to them.
I also wish peace and love to those I love still breathing the air. Wishing all of them health and happiness. 💝
We Javanese Muslim will send gift by reciting some Javanese prayer closed with Alfatihah, a short chapter in the Quran containing peace, love, praise, forgiving, protection and guidance. A basket of beautiful wishes—
How light this heart is to be sure that all whom I love are well.
Alfatihah to all whom I love. You’re loved. You’re blessed. Don’t shop too much. 😁
Happy weekend!
Guessing, Beloved,
The least inaccurate points
Of mangosteen seeds—
—
That’s what we call “tebak buah manggis”, guessing game to decide whether the number of sections at the bottom of the fruit accurately matches the number of seeds inside. Mostly matching, yet this time it is not! 😆 Life is sometimes unpredictable even with good database; anomaly is a rule whose patterns are not yet formulatable oops formulated by human beings — please excuse my English, I’m not a native. 🙃
Like someone we love. We thought they are 6, in fact they are 5.
Fair enough to say: seldom expect accuracy in estimation; better be sufficiently into the least inaccuracy so it won’t drop one down to abyss when finding inaccurate things. I’m trying to be wise as myself for myself about myself. 🥰
Oh dear, mangosteens!
Payday, Beloved,
Crossroads to 4 directions—
6 o’clock, good bye!
—
Ah yes! I’ve been paid with how a group of people feel proud of achieving what they thought would never happen for my persistence and never-ending-annoying questions and reminders. I’ve been paid with sweet smiles for greeting the cleaning ladies and security guards and colleagues and neighbours. I’ve been paid with my family and friends’ laughter for the jokes that were not even funny. I’ve been paid with my colleagues’ flooding emoji for my “drunken” fingers sending auto-correct silliness. I’ve been paid by many many of those I’ve never thought of making me so light hearted more than dollars and cents.
Hey! Don’t get me wrong! I’ve also been paid with bitter rejections and secret smirks for what I did wrongLY and/or I did inappropriateLY.
And hey! I’ve also been actually paid with wages and benefits for working in a company.
Everything is worth paying and everyday is a payday.
Never look back to what was wrongly spent, that’s my payday commitment!
Ah how I love my payday!
Of course! Who’s not?
May all beings be happy.
Prime time, Beloved,
The best time to bloom or dry.
Not her decision—
—
David and Goliath were enough lesson to learn that prime time isn’t always at one’s physical prime.
May all beings be happy
💝
Time is paper
With which poems are unrolled.
My beloved said
You need pens, I give you trees.
You need ink, I give you oceans.
Write love poems with love
Until you run out of paper.
I said
I need much paper
I want as much as I want
My love poems are trillions and more.
My beloved said
I won’t let you write forever
The last paper is not for you
It is for me to invite poets for a party
Where a special spread is ready.
I asked
How much paper will I get
Will you give me as much as I want
Will you let me write trillions of love poems?
My beloved said
Write as much as you want
I’ll give you as much as you write
You’ll get your paper for your trillions
As long as they’re yours.
My beloved said
Be dignified, write your own poems,
As the spread will be only for those
Not claiming from others’ names.
—
Daruma city
You’ve witnessed left eyes were drawn.
Wish me the right ones.
–
A group of people in Takasaki wished me a happy birthday in an online meeting. A real surprise that made my day! I almost cried of happiness! 🥺
This evening one of them went back to Tokyo and she sent me messages with photos taken in Takasaki station. Another sweet surprise!
ありがとうございます, AWさん。また来年お会いしましょう！
Looking forward to a set of daruma dolls of different colours I ordered from Amazon (because of cancelled plan to buy them in its original city). Not a real surprise but hope the dolls give me a little shade of surprise! 🤩
Salaam.
Dream home, Beloved,
Sitting with all senses on,
Capturing moments—
—
Lunch break + very very heavy rain = early wish of birthday getaway to come true!
To be continued with more destinations in 2028, 2029, 2030, 2031, 2032, 2033, 2034, 2035, 2036, 2037, 2038, 2039, 2040, 2041, 2042, 2043, 2044, 2045, 2046, 2047, 2048, 2049, 2050, 2051, 2052, 2053, 2054, 2055, 2056, 2057, 2058, 2059, 2060, 2061, 2062, 2063, 2064, 2065…. As if I knew how long I will wander around here? I hope to live as long as time is mentally and physically enjoyable with family and friends without bothering them.
Long life, fresh and sane!
Then came the calculation part…. A lot of coins to spend to comfortably celebrate that way in those particular places. Easy! Just need a clover pendant to make it happen. 😝
Thanks for the rain and daydream. I know there is more than meets the eye! Life is so rich and I accept all the gifts.
Crossroads, Beloved,
A while gauging where to go—
Follow the North Star.
—
Today’s conversation with one best friend was a bit nostalgic. She talked about how she went to spiritual class (very common in my country to do so for religion or non-religion based teachings) until finally she quit at 45. Her reason was disappointment to teachers. She asked about me and I said quit at 30’s and my disappointment was to myself.
A stubborn student, I wouldn’t listen to what teachers told me to believe or to do. I would ask questions then believed only when choosing to believe; even with good explanation, I wouldn’t believe if not interested to believe.
One example of the fool was when a particular teacher gave “daily task” to recite “Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem”, I didn’t do it even he only asked me to recite it 10x a day, while the other two were 100x a day. “No, Teacher. Why do I have to do it? I already read it as part of Alfatihah recitation in my daily prayer, that’s more than 10x a day,” said I. It was when praying was five times a day for me, oftentimes 7 times!
Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem is a sacred word uttered by Muslim or most traditional non-Muslim Javanese when starting an activity. It means “In the name of Allah The Gracious The Merciful”, some interpret it as “On behalf of Allah The Gracious The Merciful”. By reading it the reader is expected to only do good thing with good intension with love. The teacher also said that reading it we were doing self alignment: align the self with the true self, to be true to ourselves, to easily make decision and to cut short confusion and to always be blessed, to blend action with good intension.
Amazingly all teachers understood the fool and just gave a lot of smiles and books to read which annoyed her more and more. I became frustrated seeing the two good friends gained fast track understanding of life. I decided to quit then did whatever was fun fun fun ignoring the essence of being human being.
Only years later I found that self alignment is very important and I was sorry for realising it late. I finally got it why those two good friends were so peaceful while I was still struggling with almost everything. It was also the year when we found that that dear teacher passed away of old age.
Now? Learning to care more about inner journey and well being. Whatever happens to me is a consequence of my decision. If the decision is aligned with my true self, it leads to success. If the decision is false and against my true self, it leads to lesson learnt. Lesson learnt leads to better decision. Better decision leads to success. Success to me is not merely material gain, it can be simply being able to smile in tough time. This simple lesson is a result of years of battle for a stupid person like me.
My best friend asked me how now to deal with self alignment esp when in confusion.
Me: I recite Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem cumulatively 300x before night sleep.
BF: Why? Did that teacher come virtually and ask you to?
Me: No. I found that this word is my best to strengthen self-alignment between good intention and action.
BF: Why 300x? He said 10x.
Me: He discounted the price. I’m 30x more valuable than his appraisal.
BF: Arrogant fool!
Me: I’m just a fool.
BF: There are two of us.
Lesson learnt: Always find a way to see my fool not others’. Always find a way to laugh at my own self not at others’.
Alfatihah.
I don’t want to race.
Only safety that I wish
So I can meet you.
—
Gesture, Beloved,
Expressed to send a message
Addressed with no stamp
—
Cool breeze, Beloved,
Caresses her long black hair
Sending sweet message—
—
Dream home, Beloved,
A place where nature meets hearts;
Hearts warmly greet souls—
—
The conversation with a long lost friend came to a topic of “where we want to live if ending living alone?”
Living in Singapore was never part of my dream. A visit in 2010 gave me impression that I would die of hunger in a week with Indonesia salary. 😁
Now this city is a lovely second home; my impression has changed. I won’t die because of hunger but I will die because of loneliness if I stay single retiring here. I still can’t find enough friends like those in home country. There are three but all of them will retire in Bali and New Zealand sooner than me.
Residing in a landed property where gardening and backyard dining is affordable is a preference, yet I don’t have the luxury of living in such place here. And I don’t want to die alone in a locked condo found rotten after days or even weeks. Oh God, please protect me from such horrible thing. Amen….
F: I’ve always wanted to live in Ubud and it will happen very soon. I’ll open a spa with all traditional herbal from all over Indonesia. I’ll quit my job soon. I want to live my own life as me, no one can tell me to do this and that anymore! No bloody politics anymore! Visit me often! You’ll find my spa super special! I’ll give you discount! Be a regular customer! Hey! You once wanted to live in Thailand?
Me: Someone informed me about a good property in low price near my favourite hotel in Ayutthaya. Yet Thai have controversial life style I’m not comfortable with in a way. I’m too simple, sometimes too honest and can be against those status-oriented that I might not be able to adapt well. Not a true dream! Hey! Actually love to live in Kyoto!
F: You’ll die in three months after you complete second round of shrine, temple and ancient house hopping! 😂
Me: Dying of walking! 😂
What a refreshing conversation! And yes, I’ll visit her spa soon! 😍
Lesson learnt: Will only live with those I love and loving me where home is a real feel. No excuse.
Salaam…. 💝
In harmony, love,
The art, the breath, the weather
With the city vibe—
—
I prefer enjoying the artistic vibes of a city to enjoying the crowd of its party or clubbing. People’s effort to entertain others through art on the street while at the same time earning a living is more humane than people’s effort to escape from their allegedly humdrum life by forgetting who they really are (my humble opinion).
May all beings be happy. 💝
Weekend, Beloved:
Hopping corner to corner
Building joyous vibe—
—
What a busy weekend I have! One living room, one kitchen, one balcony, one bedroom, one bathroom, one storage room, one laundry corner — all must be done on one day by one person.
Professionally it is called one on one! 🤡
I’m lost, Beloved.
This maze takes me a hostage
I need to grow wings.
—
You might feel lost yet don’t get lazed. Open your eyes. This is not that maze maze. It is just an abandoned garden where trees are growing high touching the sky blocking the sun ray, grasses are growing wild covering the paths disguising directions. Look! There is something blinking from afar. Follow it, it might be a star. Or at least there is something moving you out of where you are.
Firstly open eyes! Your cat is getting impatient to go for adventure. Don’t let it leave you. This cat is a precious traveling companion indeed.
WAKE UP!!!
💝
after morning prayer
rike jokanan 
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