A best gift, my love
Knowing you seeing my heart.
Do you know my heart?
โโ
wooden comb is one best gift from myself to myself this year ๐
A Best Gift
Tag: love
Beautifully, Humbly
The tree sows thousands of seeds
That fly to all directions
And never return
Until the wind stands up
And calls.
Which seeds come back?
Any
That hear a mother
Beautifully sings with love
Humbly whispers with peace
About home
Full of
Love.
โโ
this is how much beautifully humble my mother is โ with that she has been highly respected by those surrounding her; I wonโt be as respected as she is yet I want to at least preserve some part of her humbleness ๐
Carrickfergus (song)
I wish I was in carrickfergus
Where the castle looks out to sea.
I would swim over the deepest ocean
For my love to be with me.
But the sea is wide
And I can not swim over
Nor have I the wings to fly
I wish I had a handsome boatman,
To ferry me over, my love and I.
(part of the lyrics)
โโ
Carrickfergus is a song that has charmed me with just some words in it and the flow of its music. Some words sound very old yet familiar to me, waking up something ancient in me that feels home.
Carrickfergus itself is a place in Ireland allegedly one of the oldest towns there. Iโve never wanted to visit the place although it is quite well known.
i have the cassette in which this song is in โ yes, cassette that I bought back in 2002 ๐
Self Care
Thereโs a seed
Called self
Needing love
And care
And consistency
To grow,
To glow,
To everlastingly flow.
โโ
started fermented rice water to treat my long hair โ this one is black rice + rose tea + lime
shampoo bar and conditioner bar made of longsheng rice that is used by the Red Yao women for their beautiful long hair โ after using these bought bars, I plan to make my own shampoo bar from Indonesia rice and conditioner liquid from boiled flaxseed water
๐
all in the name of self care because no one cares about myself but me
๐
Weathered
This lifeโs well weathered
โTween hot and cold, calm and rushed.
Thereโs home to shelter.
โโ
Indonesia Mosque in Bangkok โ joining a short prayer
i went to a mosque then to a small shrine today before flight โ feeling the humbleness of human beings begging for help from the One indescribable unseen unexplainable, the hope tiptoeing behind fear, the weakness of human beings facing our own nature
these folded lotus flowers are floating to weather after their duty as envelopes with which prayers are sent up above through billowing smoke of incense
now i have to pack to fly back home soon to see my mother hospitalised โ certain days are just under the weather
wishing all my silent chants can be medicine for the woman who loves me to the moon and back
see very soon, Ibu
may all beings be happy
๐
Turning Point
Fragrance of sambac
Ferries the wish to the love
Reborn with new scents.
โโ
The death of my beloved nephew at young age (22 yo) is one extreme turning point in how I see life and what is in it.
I am not sad anymore and not considering it a loss anymore. Just drying tears and grateful smiles so โ remembering how good his life was. How someone with so big mental wound could survive life by serving others in such a fun witty ways. ๐ฅฐ We now know how much we loved him and how tremendously he loved us.
Yetโฆ.
reborn
not interested in talking in group except for work;
prefer seeing life more lightly yet deeply at the same time;
choose to seclude myself by doing what I can do genuinely; if not, I will stay away;
respond to human interaction differently and it might have hurt people in outer rings; it doesnโt matter
still the same human being yet not the same anymore;
so amazed how losing loved ones can change someone so significantly. And the reality shows me whom are real and unreal, true and untrueโฆ. ๐
Life is mysteriously beautiful.
Thank You so very much!
Alfatihah.
my younger brotherโs 1st son was a newborn death; my older brotherโs sons: one died at 10, the other at 22 โ wishing them to be reborn with love, prosperity and luck ๐๐ youโre (always) in my heart and (sometimes) at my left wrist, boys! ๐๐๐
A Star Not
You are not a star.
Never.
A star brightly rises.
A star magnificently sets.
You might be upset
As a star is what is adored
By many.
Donโt be a star,
It is born,
It dies.
A seen star is thousands years of its historyโ
Illusion.
You are the earth.
Always.
Who lets the sun rise
And lets the sun set
Sincerely.
The earth is loved
By many.
When I see the earth
I see a present moment
Of everything about it.
I am grounded to earth.
It is where I live, love and laugh
Sincerely.
You are
A star not.
โโ
a star is a dream; the earth is where I live, love and laugh sincerely
Note: picture is from Pinterest; I wanted a Java island on the earth with stars above yet could not find any ๐
May All Beings Be Happy
Once
I knew not
Or cared not
That all struggled
Until
I sat still
To feel the whole cosmos
Within me.
Now
I know
And know
That all inevitably suffer
By choice though.
And so
I chant
Wishingโฆ
May all beings be happy, free from suffering.
And to you
Across the ocean.
With red roses,
May you be happy, free from suffering.
โโ
May all beings be happy ๐
free from suffering
โฆ. and also to you across the ocean โฅ๏ธ
Fully Paid
Journey becomes light
When promise is fully paid.
The breeze flows sweetly.
โโ
beautifully ready for melukat this morning to clean and clarify my life intension and for my dearest nephew โฅ๏ธ now his wish for melukat is fully paid โ live happily in the other side, my dear ๐ and I have a good feeling that my life is on the right path with my heart losing no love
melukat in Tirtha Empul when it was still quiet this morning โ no, I donโt like crowd ๐๐ผ donโt bring me to noisy parties!
The Love & The Logic
This love is as strong as the glue
A snail can spit on an aloe vera
To cling even in a hottest day.
Your logic is as cold as the air
A morning can loosen natureโs desire
In a split second love will go away.
This love is unrequited,
That logic always wins.
Our bond is thinly formatted
As hair splitting to twins.
It is just a dream,
Though dream of a meadow.
It is truly a wish,
Yet wish of a shadow.
Love will open a bundle of joy.
Logic will open a bundle of satisfaction.
They are happy differently.
Understoodโ
โโ
reminding me of how strong love can bond a heart to a dream that wonโt come true โฅ๏ธ
dear heart, releaseโฆ. the logic will never let you win ๐๐ผ
Mountain And Ocean
Mountain and ocean
Between which the heart resides
Call the soul for home.
โโ
Friends
My friends are plants grown in a garden called
My heart.
Grow as you wish.
As you are.
There are only two rules here:
Be you responsibly
And root strongly.
Otherwise, youโll
Get weak
Then withered.
And
Dry
Then....
โโ
I wrote a poem in Bahasa Indonesia in my iPhone about FRIENDS while enjoying todayโs lunch: And just now when opening Twitter, I found a thread about 12 levels of friends described in Arabic.
My day is summed up!
All is connected.
๐
Half and Half
Do you know,
Belovedโฆ?
In the middle of a water
Tossing wildly a Land
Stretching like a tail,
Tinted with merry tiny blossoms
Willing to smile
In May summed up are they.
Bearing light fragrance
Infusing air elegantly
For you, only for youโ
Do you also know,
Belovedโฆ?
I lullaby some seeds
That wake up lazily,
Stretch to the sky
Then sprinkle perfumes
With thousands of flowers
In the 9th month
Being warm and fuzzy
In the other half
For you, only for youโ
For you
Whether to take
Or to give up.
There is no heaviness in a no.
There is no lightness in a yes.
There is pain in silence.
Yet life is so rich,
There is always cure
For any wound.
Let poems sing heart songs
For you, only for you.
โโ
Angel without Wings
How do you call you
Loving expecting no pay?
Only the motherโ
โโ
today i called her after she said that she could not sleep remembering Vito, the grandson who just passed away
this lady is impressively patient and loving her grandchildren; losing him has never been easy
she tried to hide her cry from me but her voice could not lie
if i can tell anyone about someone to never forget, it must be about mother
love her, donโt disappoint her ever again as there might have been a lot of troubles from us when we were younger
i love you, Ibu
Shape of Heart
Sprinkles of petalS
Sway from the sky gracefully
Calling name of yours.
โโ
genji pie that shapes like heart or rose petal or whatever beautifully seen by eyes
genji pie, aside from the shape the taste is also good to me
genji pie has inspired me to love
About genji pie
Pilgrimage
This lifeโs pilgrimage
Spiralling in to the core
Of old house within.
โโ
a mosque in Tokyo โ Tokyo Jamii (Camii)
entrance โ assalamualaikum, Tokyo Camii
mosque area – 2nd floor
i still know how to do sholat tahiyatul masjid (praying to respect mosque), recite QS Arrahman that is full of gratitudes and praises so i did it
the feel was exactly like when i pray in the temples and shrines
a feeling of home ๐
then a beautiful sister helped me with photo taking โ she made me much taller, slimmer yet less me ๐ thank you ๐
time to fly home โ thank you, Tokyo ๐
you make me love myself more and more, with all the wounds and scars
My Heart Is
They have said
I am lost.
What I seeโฆ
I am in a forest away
From comfort of thought.
I am not in a castle
In which mind is blunted.
My heart finds home
In which 25 prophets
And 1000 saints
Have found the paths.
It is a way
That all Prophets and Saints bless.
I am home
With the flow
That brings petals
To where fragrance blends
With clarity of fluids,
Various fluids
Gliding to a vast ocean
Of love.
โโ
i donโt care anymore what i am called by them โ Muslim? Alhamdulillah, Sufi? Subhanallah, Buddhist? Masya Allah
what i am sure of is that my sutra is sutra of love with which all prophets and saints have travelled, whatever religions they have been associated with
thank you
๐
To Those I Love
When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour spent together
Lives within my heart
And when she was sad
I was there to dry her tears
And when was happy so was I
When she loved me
Through the summer and the fall
We had each other that was all
Just she and I together
Like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely
I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me
So the years went by
I stayed the same
But she began to drift away
I was left alone
Still I waited for the day
When she'd say I will always love you
Lonely and forgotten
Never thought she'd look my way
And she smiled at me and held me
Just like she use to do
Like she loved me
When she loved me
When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour spent together
Lives within my heart
When she loved me
I thank you, God for giving me courage to express my love and affection to those I love. I will not regret.
๐
Fragrant Respect and Sweet Love for You
I love you
And I respect you
Fragrantly.
Iโve missed you
More and more
Since I didnโt open windows
Anymore.
This heart though is open
Like pores of petals
Evaporating fragrance
In a warm September.
Be happy, Beloved
As you deserve to.
Whereas this scent
Will keep leaping stone to stone.
Your face pops out
In this head every second
Like brilliant dew drops
In a shy May.
I respect you
And I love you
Sweetly.
โโ
enough sweet and fragrant for snacking for 5 days in Tokyo
Hatred Was Love
Hatred, Beloved
Never a choice; it is loveโ
Once got hurt then lost.
(haiku at lunch break)
โโ
osho, the king in shogi (Japanese chess)
About shogi the Japanese chess
Land
A pair of strong wings
Bring me to a land of thoughts
Where hope shines the light.
โโ
landed home after burying hope to grow with flowers and spreading love with billowing incense smoke
Lovely Friendship
The spell of friendship
Is not F R I E N D S H I P.
To spell friendship
Is to put some magical words
To a bond
So it lasts forever
In love.
My friends put a spell on me.
I put a spell on them.
We put a spell on each other
To stay together
Gleaming like stars
In a cluster
Or in different ones blinking to each other.
How beautiful friendship is
When bonded with genuine drops
Of souls
And
Adorned with true colours
Of hearts.
How real friendship is
When soul and heart
Are sprinkled on to
A life that hopes
And loves.
โโ
this book of friendship โ no where to find in souvenir shop but found in the heart of friends
fun and true and real and genuine ๐ friendship with my beloved nephews
On A Rope
A rope might help
To travel to the other side,
Yet it might be not.
Being in the other side
Is not always wise
As a wise is
That that means
Decision for the right.
Right time
Right place
Right person
That might be
Not right:
Not always right amount
Not always right distance
Not always right calculation.
This rope is right
Only when it is about
Knowing that pulling or releasing
Are both hurting
Right where and when it is decided to.
this?
this one is wiser for now ๐
might not be the right one, yet being relaxed and easy is sometimes the right one for now โ i just donโt want to think too much; wisdom is not always hard ๐
Memory of Fun
Vito and Ocka in fun flash rehearsal in the costume storage room ๐๐
๐
his life was about fun and memory about him should be about fun, too
Never-ending Prayer
In a prayer
Millions of pearls
Are dangling
In a line of blessings
Letting go off
What is called
Attachment,
Co-dependency,
And ignorance.
When darkness traps
What is called hope,
It is love
That keeps it sparked
And sparkling
Before it is free,
Traveling light
On a beautiful orbit.
โโ
my boy, I commit to celebrate your life and dreams instead โ be always in our heart; you are so much loved, you are always remembered ๐
alfatihaah ๐
Selfish To Selfless
Time flies
Space shrinks
Moment signifies
Does it even matter?
You farewelled
Sweetly to all,
Yet no one knew
Until you departed.
This selfish self
Has learnt selflessness
That it is about forgiving regrets
And escorting you to the grand gate.
We weeped heavy tears,
Youโve left long love trails.
We thought we loved you,
Youโve ignored our selfish wails.
You smiled at the long line
That witnessed your selfless joy.
We smiled to you, thanking life
For giving privilege of having that boy.
Thank you
For magically turning us
From egoistical arrogance
To considerate beings.
Thank you,
My dear boy.
โโ
Gathering after his funeral, most of us shared about our experiences with him in his life time. Most of stories were his witty strength, social awareness and artistic talents. Many were also about how much he ate โ he was not a picky eater.
Yet some kept saying โI canโt stop cryingโ, โI was one of those giving him last sacred bathโ, โI trembled one night before he passed awayโ, โWhy did you leave me?โ, โI am so lonely without him aroundโ, blahblahblah of all expressions showing how people experience you. Great self you are!
Yet does it matter? We mostly are all regretting what we didnโt do what we should have done with and to you. We mostly have difficult time to forgive ourselves for not doing so with and to you.
It is about you โ all the administration and ceremonies. Yet at the end it is about forgiving ourselves from what we have regretted and about accepting that you are not physically around anymore.
You? Vito, you pass this cycle and enjoy the happiness beyond our joy!
My tears will dry; yet my love will keep flowing to you.
๐
Salaam.
weโll continue striving for what youโve always dreamt of โ loving family and wise fun personality!
people said it is the longest line of funeral procession for a young man of an ordinary family โ everyone said it is because of your true and selfless self
Pink Rose
As pink
As rose
My heart
Chants you
Forever
As love
That throbs
Through blood
And tears
And breath
And words
In heart
And body
And mind
And spirit
And soul
you might not like pink rose but this is the most beautiful petals with which i can sprinkle with the least tears for your no-turn-back journey ๐
our last Bali tour with Ocka was our most testing trip โ the rain and storm and damn how would you stop driving every three hours and said โMbak, i am hungry i can die drivingโ ๐
our love is about laughter and wit โฅ๏ธ
my broken heart in romance has turned to a minuscule particle compared to my broken heart of losing my beloved nephew
Run Free, My Boy!
My tears will dry
But my love will keep flowing
Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me.
๐
you were young yet always the one giving me wise words to keep being my own self โ you were right โyou are alone but never lonely, look at your poems, all struck me with fire to stay strong!โ
you were poorer than me yet always the one telling me to keep positive yet humble
you were as fun as my soul wonโt be yet you are a soul as wise as my wisdom canโt be
what about our next trips that must be cancelled? you just walk and leave me a beautiful gaping hole in my heart
we love you with or without words, we lose you with or without tears
I LOVE YOU AND WEโLL MEET AGAIN IN A BETTER PLACE AND TIME
Be Happy, Beloved
I wonโt, Beloved
Take you from what completes you.
Your here now is that, not this.
This garden with lemongrass
Is my here and now I love.
โโ
Ibu sent me this picture that she took by herself after forever saying โI canโt take good pictures like you, donโt ask me anyโ โ 3 slices of some cake I bought online (sold through Twitter) and delivered directly to her โฅ๏ธ
she said โthank you for the โspikoekโ, it is amazingly yummyโ
my motherโs love is so huge that i donโt realise like seeing a sheet of paper from 1 millimeter away ๐
i am enough with a few humble friends that truly understand me so i wonโt anymore beg friendship from that not even wanting to know who i am ๐
Bloom
This heart blooms and blooms
Leaving quiet budding season,
Emerging from mud.
โโ
One of my friends complained why all my poems are about love, like I am either falling in love or broken hearted day by day.
After some time of chat and juice against wine glasses that friend answered oneโs own question.
โYa! Life is about loving: smoothly or broken-heartedly. Now I know what you mean. I thought all were about romance! Ahhh!โ
I tried a sip of wine from that friendโs glass.
โYouโll get drunk more at home and write more love poems!โ Said that friend laughing.
โYes, I wonโt give up this love whatever interpretation is thrown about me to me. I am thankful enough to have very few true friends who understand.โ
Salaam.
true love is too tasteless for those weighing it with money; yet too complex for those weighing it with faith โ for those not knowing the true secrets behind words, love is just a marriage between distrust and fear hidden in sparkling plastic ๐ i know love is still beautiful whether it is well understood or misunderstood ๐
rike jokanan 
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