Tag: love

I want to sit
Under the red leaves
Where only you
Can hear the songs
From this heart.

Listen to this heart
That can only whisper
To you afar about dreams
Of no words but eloquent
Of no light but bright.

Please hear me.
Here me.
I am here.
It is just here
Now.
Just one click of your message.

autumn is so romantic, composition of quiet garden and eloquent heart

Rhombusly Flying Kite (ranting)

Five dots of a shape
Balance the soar, fly and land.
A flying rhombus--

I listened to a rebroadcast of #DVETSiaranPagi last evening and thought the discussion points are relevant with what I’ve seen around me: the love bombing, ghosting then missing, not true to self, etc. Thanks for discussing it! I’d like to reflect about myself on those. 💕

about (my falling in) love

Through time love in human being is still the same, a sprectrum of certain emotion quality expression that expands to different extremes, either one or the other extreme or both extremes in order to serve one’s own life and others’. One extreme is the lust-loaded love that imprisons and the other is compassion-loaded love that saves the world and true love as a balanced combination of both that liberates. (my personal opinion based on what I’ve learnt, unlearnt, relearnt — can be inaccurate and impermanent)

Expansion of service and love expression can be within or without the person depending on how the human being experiences life and responds to it. Some human beings build a unit of society (family, organization, community, village, etc) to feel the expansion of service, others don’t. Some can be expressive in love, some just hide emotion deep down. No right or wrong, it is a process of balancing horizontally and vertically –like flying a kite– that might be successful in here now or not.

In my age (late 40’s) if I am found out of falling in love (romantically) in my country, I can be cursed as “wanita gatal” (itchy woman) even if I don’t do any harm to others with my love. In fact what happens is simply an expansion of love — from loving myself to loving myself and another person. Lucky I live in a country where people don’t care about what’s not harming them. Thank you!

Romantic love very seldom perches on my emotion tree yet once it comes, it will not be something I will stop. I will just wisely manage the emotion as I never want to disturb the person I love especially when seeing there is no reciprocity and/or compatibility between us, hoping that this emotion fades away slowly gradually with as little harm as possible. Broken hearted is not nice. 🙃

I will show him from certain distance how I feel about him but I will make sure it won’t make him feel threatened. Yet who can control his reaction or response? This is where I am different from my passive friends on romance.

about love bombing

It is a new terminology for me yet I know very well that I experienced it in my relationship (the only one I had, ended in 2010): given all attention and gifts, promised with sugar-coated lies, got ghosted then left in despair. Oh, never again….

about love expression

I love poems and I love my Beloved, the only One most understanding me, the only One never leaving me in any situation and the One putting much love and compassion in my heart.

My mental body feels like a rhombus kite with 5 dots: the dot on top is my soul, the dots at the right and left are my thinking function and my feeling function, the dot at the bottom is my desire towards physical pleasure whatever it is (food, drink, jewelry, sex drive, etc) and the dot in the middle is my heart which is the balancing gravity of the 4 dots at the 4 points of rhombus (qolbu in Arabic). Only when all those 5 dots are interacting in balance then this rhombus kite can fly, soaring perfectly, riding the wind; that is when a human being is in a state of mindfullness or meditative. Rhombusly flying kite❣️

With my poem I will express all the love from those 5 dots. Sometimes I talk from the dot at the top. Sometimes from the dot at the bottom. Sometimes from 2 dots, 3 dots, 4 dots; and when I am aware of the true self, my poems are the love expression of my 5 dots.

People might think it is an exaggeration of love expression; many of my friends reading my poems said “kamu kasmaran nggak henti-henti ya, Rike?” translated into “are you constantly madly in love, Rike?” and that was why I hide the comment section so no one will have a chance to spit bad words about my love poems. Only some who know my journey will really understand. It doesn’t matter.

I saw love bombing although not as often; am I? I am showering my life and life surrounding me with love and compassion; and I am grateful for that. That some of the expression is aiming at someone (who eventually can feel it), I’m thankful and saying “You are safe, I am not love bombing you, this is a tiny love that I can offer.”

Without mentioning my crush name, I discussed my feeling with my best friend who unsurprisingly didn’t judge me yet she said “I restrict myself from loving a man, I don’t want to think about romance, I just want to retire happily” 😂 I didn’t continue the discussion as I never want to shake her feeling of security of being single.

Will I continue my love expression? With no doubt: yes, it is about being true to myself until time decides otherwise. If I don’t look true to others, so be it.

I won’t waste my time hating or worrying about being hated. I don’t either believe with “too much love will kill you”; it is too much lust that kills you.

My love flows like a river, (over)flows to the sea to unite with

You. Insya Allah.

about true to self

I express love more smoothly but when it comes to job, I don’t openly talk about it in social media or public because it contains NDA. Job to me is a dedication in life, in which I feel that my life is meaningful for and well utilised by the human beings in my walk of life. My job is about being true to my own self and true to the contract that I’ve signed. 💕

Dear Love,

I rest my case for now. I have to work.

Salaam.

So Light

Learning, Poetic, This Person

Dear
You,
Bless me
With true heart.
I surrender to
You.
No game with this heart,
I just want to walk slowly
Bringing this tiny love
So light.

revelation of light

Forgiven

Learning, love, This Person

And you're, Beloved
Forgiven in every breath.
This soul is well fed.

well fed soul sees paradox as blessings rather than curses

Forgiving

Learning, Poetic, This Person

Forgive, Beloved
This self questioning one's self
About where to go.

i’m headin’ 2 U

Forgiveness

Forgive me, dear love
For taking so long a time
To forgive you. You?

watching this video, i remember my mother said that it took so much forgiving and compromising between her and her husband

when i asked what biggest forgiveness each of them had given to each other, she said “many, i can’t summarise”

but she reminded me of one ridiculous thing happening to her hair

there was a traumatic incident between our parents that we will never forget; my mother doesn’t mind anymore sharing it with many — she said it was stupid act by both of them and others should not experience the same thing

once my father could not well control his anger and did something beyond imagination in front of his children; he shaved my mother’s hair bald just because of jealousy; for the next several months my mother had to wear wig to work and social functions until her hair grew back up to certain length — she said if she could explain more elaborately and he would listen more patiently, it would not have happened

when we all got older, we liked jokingly mentioning that incident to our parents, Bapak would smirk and explain that it was a misunderstanding; Ibu would only say “love is blind and sometimes idiot” then both of them laughed 😝

now she would always advise us to know when we are angry and take some minutes to breathe before taking unnecessary action

she told me that my father could tolerate things except when it came to men; he could be irresponsibly and unreasonably jealous to men talking in friendly manner with my mother

i asked again who apologised more and who forgave more?

she said it was always easy to forgive him as he would do his very best to fix issues but she also said that she would make it difficult for him to apologise – alamak

when i asked her why she did so, she said that she wanted to always win 😂

today i called my mother and asked what she feels when she remembers that handsome kind man, she said “I should have been kinder and made it easier….”

so sweet!

“….but he should have said the same thing about me”

eh?

Dear Life

Please keep me in
Your heart
Yours only, where
I stay with those
You love the most, where
You keep all what's private.

In a crowd of stars
I can only see
You, who will never
Remove my favourite sparks:
The bright true blue--

Please keep me in
Your heart
Yours only, where
Soul looks out to the world.
In there wherever you are,
Just peace now here--

In a darkest night
I can only see
You, who will never
Let me travel alone as
I'm your satellite.

RC Gorman’s work of art

[only in Bahasa Indonesia]

Learning, life, love, This Person, Those People

Found a dearest good friend wrote a touching message in Instagram this evening and would love to keep it here — only in Bahasa Indonesia though

My translation into English might never be good enough to contain how compassionate her message is. You might want to translate with Google.

Note: it is a verbatim text

❣️

bertahun lalu, ketika berkesempatan mengunjungi ka’bah, aku duduk menatapnya lalu berucap: “tuhan, tunjukkan aku cara membaca (iqra) alquran. karean aku tidak percaya tuhan mana pengasih maha penyayang se-strict itu.” aku mengacu ke penekanan pada dosa dan neraka yang kerap diangkat.

sejak itu—atau sebenarnya jauh sebelumnya, aku percaya tuhan terus menjawab permintaanku: hidupku adalah tanggapan tak putus dari tuhan atas permintaan itu. dia menunjukkan betapa dia maha pengasih, maha penyayang dan nama-nama lain yang terlingkupi oleh rahman dan rahim.

aku dipertemukan dengan manusia dan makhluk lain (kucing misalnya) yang menunjukkan ragam bentuk kasih sayang, diperjalankan melalui peristiwa-peristiwa yang membantu melembutkan hati—atau menunjukkan di bagian mana hatïku masih perlu dilembutkan; dan dititipkan pada sekolah-sekolah yang secara gamblang membimbingku untuk lebih berwelas asih, berserah, dan merayakan hidup dan keagungannya.

manusia sejatinya bisa berjalan sesuai fatwa hatinya; bisa tergerakkan oleh arahan jiwa (spirit)-nya; bisa hidup dengan lebih jujur minimal kepada diri sendiri. utopis? atau bisa jadi pemikiran bahwa hal ini utopis telah membatasi kita?

banyak yang ingin kuceritakan. bukan untuk mengajarkan, karena siapalah aku ini. namun, lebih ke berbagi. siapa tahu ada yang mengetuk hatimu, lalu kau mengetuk hatiku kembali. Sama-sama kita belajar menjadi manusia.

ingin bercerita, tetapi belum tahu bagaimana. kutaruh tulisan ini di sini sebagai langkah awal. atau, mungkin, kau punya cerita, kegelisahan, pertanyaan, atau ide yang bisa melanjutkkan pembicaraan ini?
terima kasih.

❣️

Thank you, dear friend. You’ve touched my heart many times, I hope I’ve at least once done as good as you.

Thanks for making room for me. Always.

Salaam.

Unfinished Root Cause Analysis of Misunderstanding

Sometimes her tongue is too sharp
But don't blame her tongue,
It's her eyes too sharp
But don't blame her eyes,
It's her brain too critical
But don't blame her brain,
It's her rationale too weak
But don't blame her rationale,
It's her research insufficient
But don't blame her research,
It's her data too narrow
But don't blame her data,
It's her survey not detailed
But don't blame her survey,
It's her objective not well conveyed
But....

She writes love poems.
Yet they get angry, not knowing that
She just expresses naked truth.

She hopes that she is not exposed
As her poems are limited edition.

RC Gorman’s work of art

Flowing River

There's so much here
Wanting to burst
Colours and fragrances
That have been hiding
In a deep cave
For ages.
It is gemstones,
The petrified blood, tears and sweats
Traveling with time and space:
Flowing river
To the turquoise sea
Uniting with
You.

RC Gorman’s work of art

i kno it’s U

A Knight Who Shoots

Who's a knight who shoots?
Archer who knows the bull's eye
And bow and arrow--

Satria manah (satrio manah) is a Javanese phrase formed by two words:

1. Satria or satrio that means a knight,

2. Manah that is derived from the word panah (archery in Javanese). Panah (Noun) is changed to manah (Verb)

As name of batik pattern should be incorporated with wisdom, the interpretation can be built with some exaggeration or maybe slightly drammatical structure. And so, satria manah is not simply a knight who shoots anything but it is intrepreted as a knight who shoots accurately at the heart of a lady.

Life of a wise can be as light as shooting a heart; yet as hard as shooting at the right spot so that it won’t hurt the heart; it even will make the lady fall in love harder with the knight.

Is that even possible?

I don’t know. Not a knight, am not a wise knight. A lady, am the lady whose heart should be shot by a wise knight. 😁

Another fun fact this batik is usually worn by the groom-to-be’s parents when they are officially proposing the bride-to-be in front of her family. The groom-to-be may also wear this batik when he is with his parents during the marriage proposal. Unofficially? the man can propose the woman personally before introducing to each other’s family.

What batik should be worn by the bride-to-be in the marriage proposal? It is batik semen rante. What is that? I will talk about it next year when the semen rante is ready to ship to me by Mbak Izzah. ☺️

This batik has given me a light heart and a good laugh after a long day.

Have a good weekend!

the batik that is ready for delivery

close up of batik Satria Manah

Lovers

Learning, love

There's no place for you
But when I dream. Where are you
When I'm up, my love?

I Love

A song is flowing,
Pushing in rhythms and rhymes
To a realm of love.

love to listen to this 24/7

Last Train

I won't miss the train.
The last. A home is waiting
With a cup of tea.

i saw this scene very often from my room; last midnight was the most impressive when i felt so much love living as me with no one but me ❣️

International Jazz Day

Learning

Jazz didn’t simply come to me. My beloved sister contaminated me with jazz through time. When I was 14, she was a 17 yo girl crazy about music through cassettes (ahhh…. do 17 yo nowadays know what cassettes are).

The weird jazz up to acceptable jazz were played by her daily….

Now I am enjoying it when life sounds so messy and dry.

Thanks, Mbak Yuda. You are loved!

Happy International Jazz Day!

Bengawan Solo aka Solo River where my placenta was “floated away”

Navigated

She's navigated
By stars that cluster in shapes.
They're glowing maps.

—

remarkable aspect of manta ray behavior is their ability to navigate across vast distances

a friend who didn’t meet for quite some time met me again in Hanoi and brought me this manta ray for my bag

she said she will invite me soon to her wedding 😍

thank you❣️

About manta ray

Own n Owe


I don't own this body
I don't own this heart
I don't own this soul
I don't own this life

I owe
You.
Yet do
You know that
You owe me, too?
All these limited experiences that imprison
You belong to me.

All in all
I belong to
You.

—

some part of me is a monk, some part is a bitch and that fact makes me perfect of being a human

💕

(picture from Pinterest)

Breathing

Learning

Living is breathing.
A quest of in and out air
To define meaning

—

breathing day for some of my beautiful batik, the Javanese exhibition of wisdom

One of treatments to handmade batik is letting them breath or in Javanese language we call it “angin-angin” that is literally “wind-wind” — hanging batik clothes in fresh air, not directly under the sun to let them be in contact with air to decrease the humidity.

Enjoy your breathing.

❣️

Ceiling Called Horizon

Learning

Ceiling of love
Can be as high as
Unlimited sky.
It climbs the realm of thought,
Enjoying breeze under the wings
Before settling itself somewhere
Called horizon.

—

restaurant ceiling made of dried rice leaves – they rustle in the wind, telling me that time can seem to stop yet never really does as it expands like horizon

We Are The Champions (Queen)

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person

There's a time, my dear
You cherish with sweet breathing.
Winning against self--

—

i used to be very harsh to myself until 2019 when two doctors made me realise that taking care of my body is as important as taking care of my spirit and mental

i started expressing myself more freely and genuinely, less drama, no excuse to stop me from being calm and confident, accepting me the way me is, unlearning old knowledge, learning new knowledge, opening my heart to all possible layers of truth and beauty

now i believe i am one of this world champions seeing how well i coped with my own self until i can feel so comfortable again back to my me

…. now i won’t let those playing around with me for their own fun in to my life as my life is not only a span of fun free time yet it is a span of fun dedicating time

thank you all for being you even with just a brief existence here now in this short journey

💕

I’m Loved

Learning, love, Map It!, Poetic, This Person, Those People

How do you feel loved?
Not so much effort,
It's just a smile,
Or a cuddle from a dog.

I'm loved,
I'm loved
Just because
Life loves,
Love lives
Here
Now.

—

before going back to Singapore, i visited my friend in Lod Tunduh – she has 2 dogs and both love me so much, wherever i sit, both will sneak around like this!

Pretty Beautiful

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

You're pretty beautiful
Filling me with so much love
Through eyes that are closed.

—

both the dancers and the cute watcher are pretty beautiful –

Mine The Life

Those who never get drunk
Of love
Will misunderstand it.

Lust and love
Are coal and diamond.
One is clear around a lady's finger.
One is dark in a lady's fireplace.

Which of which, Beloved
Is precious?
Either
In different dimensions.

—

About Love

Learning, Poetic, Those People

About love
That throbs like screaming wound,
Craving for nothing but
Its own
Genuineness,
Clarity,
Loyality.

No reciprocity
No repayment

It hurts.
It hurts.
Yet it is noble
And true.

It is endless overflow
Of spring water
To the river
Flowing
To the
Sea.

—

the driver drove me these 2 days has 3 kids; 1 is pursuising police education, 1 is studying to be a technician, 1 is 10 years old

he and his wife work super hard to make their children’s dreams come true — they have double jobs and spend most of their time working

that old man and his loyal wife truly have reflected what love is, reminding me to my parents and what they did for their children

thank you for the love lesson that makes me believe how love changes things

❣️

Hard or Light

To remember you is hard
With only shadow in my eyes.
To touch you is hard
With dimensions between us.
To see you is hard
With you unwilling to show up.
To hear you is hard
With your vague heads-up.
Yet to love you is light
As light as light brightening my heart.

—

someone is lucky to be capable of loving even that whose heart is a frozen clover 🍀

The Music Is

Once I saw a name
On one of my 100 days
Then a cloud flew
Over the same night
Sweeping away a story
Leaving an end
Hanging silently
With no word
Just my throbbing heart
Counting how long spaces were.
Then I asked you
"Did I really see
You?"

—

Life Given

Life is given
Each day
To those
Falling in love.

How can I not breathe
You?

—

the flowers give life to the statue

Atsushi Taniguchi is a florist whose flower arrangements define that that i call falling in love — colourful yet not busy, packed yet not congested, priceless yet not expensive, easy yet not cheap, meticulous yet not complicated

💕

Pride

Pride, Beloved
Costs you everything,
Leaves you with nothing.

If love is here,
Why don't you say it now?

—

give up pride, choose love

picture from Pinterest

Self Portrait