Tag: love

Trace of a sweet heart
Resonates across the earth
With its clear fragrance.

ripples will not stop until edge of the lake and will reflect back to the source

Ripples

Ripples of her love
Widely travel to the edge
Of the universe.

ripples

No Doubt

No doubt is playing.
She finds this journey blessing.
No more pretending--

‘ve never stayed in this hotel before, rather unusual but there is a blessing in disguise; the hotel room i’m staying has dandelions at one of its corner — i take it as a confirmation to all my prayer, i’ve got no doubt anymore about this journey 💕 the outcome though is not in my control

Brewing Dreams

These dreams are brewing,
Longing to see a meadow
Where flowers blossom.

heart is where the dreams brew before traveling to another heart that accepts them fully

only Wind can make it happen

thank you for giving me a lot of sleep recently so i can claim back my battery 💕

Sonnet of A Tiny Love

Pondering where this tiny love story means,
Counting breathing through hope in highs and lows.
In I breath fragrance of rose, out jasmine.
How beautiful! No one but a key knows.

The breeze sometimes softly shakes the heartbeat.
The river flows tampering a quiet mind.
The fire ignites a heart that longs to meet.
Under the drizzle the sun warmly shines.

Beloved, is it you she's waiting for?
Is it her you're letting in your grand throne?
The cloud hanging disguises sweet flavor,
Or the flavor is love and love alone?

Love is beautiful with cloudy sweet dream.
If time allows, rain stops, be shown sunbeam.

there’s a girl within falling in love, a woman without daydreaming of love

be real, woman! the girl is as true as your love itself

never doubt your heart; trust your life

Softness

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

She won't let go, Love
The softness and clarity
She's gained through tough years.

found it this morning and sent it to Ina and Novi, my bestfriends — humble human beings whose heart talks to me with blissful joy, i to them and would be on and on

thank you❣️

Goes Down On Her Knees, Prays

Her heart aches,
She needs some medicine
And so she goes down on her knees and prays
For clarity.

She hopes soon her tips of fingers can touch clearly
Whether it is pulsating
Of better future
Or potentially repeated puncture.

Show me his way.

fastbreaking today — bismillah

i booked a table in my favourite Japanese resto as i wanted to enjoy their crab but no table was available at my preferred time

so i bought kanikama as the frozen crab was not available either in dondondonki

….randomly mixed it with whatever i had

i needed rice but not much time to cook it

…. ok

not bad at all to start this evening

japanese restaurant, see you on sunday

Falling In Love

I asked myself about
Falling in love.

My brain said
Falling in love is scary.
I could not concentrate,
I dropped what I carried,
These tears came down miserably,
Dizzy, oh dizzy!

My heart said
Falling in love is beautiful.
I could imagine what was best,
I shared what I carried,
These tears came down happily,
Pretty, oh pretty!

My soul said
Falling in love is magical.
I could think beyond what was,
I multiplied what I carried to share,
These tears came down with no reason,
Willingly, oh willingly!

Someone said
Falling in love is inevitable.
It filled me when I was hungry,
It emptied me when I was full,
Do, just do
However dizzy or pretty, do it only willingly!

I checked who was the last speaker:
Damn! My stomach was smiling in glee.

scary, beautiful, magical and inevitable

Composed

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

She's simply composed,
Not even shaken by storm.
Rooted to the earth--

My intuition works wonder when it comes to family esp mother, as if knowing when something wrong happens even no one informs me.

Yesterday I contacted my sister saying that mother might not be good. She said mother was ok and sleeping.

My gut said different. I contacted my cousin saying the same thing and she said “Yes, she fell and injured a bit on her chin and left hands.”

I happened to know later that my mother didn’t allow my sister to tell me about the incident.

I tried to digest the “lie” although the feeling inside was a mix of anger, disappointment, sadness, left behind at the same time relief that she was now ok.

This morning after a long meeting I called my mother. I really wanted to give her some “lecture” that she should be careful, should not do this or that and should let me know whatsoever happens to her. But I detered myself from doing so.

I know what I would say is something true but don’t want to hurt her motherly affectionate decision. I chose to accept her reason of not informing me: so my child can work with light heart.

My mother is one of the mentally strongest women I’ve known in life. None of people knowing her will say otherwise.

Once I joked around with her “Ibu, please pray that I don’t have to be as strong as you in life as when I’m as strong as you, it means I will have one most challenging of human life.”

She said “You can be stronger than me but don’t need to experience what I have in life. Trust your life.”

Yes, I do trust life will protect me from the harms.

I love you, Ibu. Thank you.

💕

Dear Life

Do you know that the road I've taken is not what I wanted?
And do you know that this is the best I've experienced?

Yes, you know.

Thank you.

Yours truly,

One humble traveler breathing your blessings

Overflown

I'm a room
Overflown with blessings.
Some visible,
Some unseen,
All undeniable--

this is where water, soil, air and fire show their potential in harmony, no collision

Release

Learning, Poetic

Release, Beloved
What's wished. Let it fly to find
Its way to go home.

this fragile dandelion is my favourite plant, it reminds me to release wishes to their way home, where they materialise their best potentials

💕

(picture from Pinterest)

Laughter

Learning, Poetic

Laughter's, Beloved
You radiate cheerfulness,
We all count blessings.

when you laugh, the dried grass comes alive

I Can’t Yet I Can

I can't talk about
You all the time,
People will think I am crazy
Or crazy about
You.

But how can I
Stop thinking about
You, while obviously
You are everywhere
I am?

blaming why a plate seems empty but actually full of unseen material

aka

what is wanted is obvious, but there is no way — don’t blame the guest standing in front of the door, blame the host not responding to the greeting

Without Teacher

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

What am I
Without teacher?
A lost wanderer
Losing destination.

What am I
Without teacher?
A confused traveler
Losing guidance

What am I
Without teacher?
A dreamer
Losing inspiration.

What am I
Without teacher?
A human
Losing meaning.

What am I
Without teacher?
A Soul
Repeating the same mistakes.

Dear
Teacher,
You are born
For me
To be reborn
As me.

I'm grateful to
You.

Today’s lunch break was about a phenomenal chat with some teachers of life.

Thousands if not millions of teachers have taught me in life. There are some that I cherish the most today, those that have triggered me to make biggest decisions in life.

Thank you, dear teachers❣️

Bapak Merta Ada, he was the one teaching me to go within without doubt, without limit – “spread love and compassion”, his advice 🥹

Sister Zak, my Arabic teacher — she emphasised that what we read needs to be well understood first then pondered then can be interpreted (differently) — “be a responsible interpreter of the Quran for yourself, no one to blame when you make wrong interpretation or decision“, her advice

Aaron Cass, my mentor in Beshara School who helped me open most doors of freedom of responsibly being human through his amazing knowledge and wisdom about sufism and esp about Ibn Arabi & Rumi — “from now on whatever you do differently, never make it a new religion”, his advice

Ina, a best friend from high school whose action moved my soul: she left her brilliant career (at the same time I started mine in Singapore) without new career to take care of her parents for her sense of responsibility; she took care of her mother until she passed away, now she is taking care of her father; Ina, you are beautifully blessed — “let’s exchange stupid memes and videos”, her message

dear Ibu, i won’t let anyone hurt you — “work responsibly and take care”, her every morning’s advice

Vito, my dear nephew, “i will always love you and protect you forever”, his last message before he passed

the fire warden in the mirror, “have you smiled today?” my greeting to myself

Pleased, Guilty

Pleased and guilty, love
Intertwine with her black hair,
Making some balance.
They will fall and get flushed out
When the root is weak or dried.

today’s dinner after work (from remote on Monday)

i started cooking almost all my meal in early 2020 when working from remote was applied due to the pandemic; since then i only eat out with colleagues, friends or visiting families or when i myself want to eat Japanese food (good Japanese food needs refined ingredients and high skill that can only happen in a pro place) — no one can cook my Indonesian food better than me 😀

i also started doing all household chores that were before done by a paid assistant

since then i don’t want to give up doing it, even if i have to stay up late i will do all by myself for self satisfaction — so pleased to be moving around at home

just yesterday my regular assistant finally requested to go back to take my weekly chores like before (since pandemic i only call her in emergency situation) — i could not say yes or no as it is not about money anymore although it is not a big expense to do (my mother will complain and say it is an act of ignorance — i’m sorry, Ibu 😘)

i’m still feeling guilty since i finally said no this morning, i told her that i might call her just for occasional need and include her in my meal list when i have something special in my kitchen 😘

i feel that giving up household chores is like giving up some part of my moving meditation

cooking, cleaning, gardening (small group of potted plants), laundry, etc give me sanctuary from routine at work — also honestly give me excuse to reject some (unnecessary) invitation from (unwanted) people

this guilt will be difficult to go away i know

but i prefer losing compliments rather than losing my sanity

💕

Listen to Heart

I want to sit
Under the red leaves
Where only you
Can hear the songs
From this heart.

Listen to this heart
That can only whisper
To you afar about dreams
Of no words but eloquent
Of no light but bright.

Please hear me.
Here me.
I am here.
It is just here
Now.
Just one click of your message.

autumn is so romantic, composition of quiet garden and eloquent heart

Rhombusly Flying Kite (ranting)

Five dots of a shape
Balance the soar, fly and land.
A flying rhombus--

I listened to a rebroadcast of #DVETSiaranPagi last evening and thought the discussion points are relevant with what I’ve seen around me: the love bombing, ghosting then missing, not true to self, etc. Thanks for discussing it! I’d like to reflect about myself on those. 💕

about (my falling in) love

Through time love in human being is still the same, a sprectrum of certain emotion quality expression that expands to different extremes, either one or the other extreme or both extremes in order to serve one’s own life and others’. One extreme is the lust-loaded love that imprisons and the other is compassion-loaded love that saves the world and true love as a balanced combination of both that liberates. (my personal opinion based on what I’ve learnt, unlearnt, relearnt — can be inaccurate and impermanent)

Expansion of service and love expression can be within or without the person depending on how the human being experiences life and responds to it. Some human beings build a unit of society (family, organization, community, village, etc) to feel the expansion of service, others don’t. Some can be expressive in love, some just hide emotion deep down. No right or wrong, it is a process of balancing horizontally and vertically –like flying a kite– that might be successful in here now or not.

In my age (late 40’s) if I am found out of falling in love (romantically) in my country, I can be cursed as “wanita gatal” (itchy woman) even if I don’t do any harm to others with my love. In fact what happens is simply an expansion of love — from loving myself to loving myself and another person. Lucky I live in a country where people don’t care about what’s not harming them. Thank you!

Romantic love very seldom perches on my emotion tree yet once it comes, it will not be something I will stop. I will just wisely manage the emotion as I never want to disturb the person I love especially when seeing there is no reciprocity and/or compatibility between us, hoping that this emotion fades away slowly gradually with as little harm as possible. Broken hearted is not nice. 🙃

I will show him from certain distance how I feel about him but I will make sure it won’t make him feel threatened. Yet who can control his reaction or response? This is where I am different from my passive friends on romance.

about love bombing

It is a new terminology for me yet I know very well that I experienced it in my relationship (the only one I had, ended in 2010): given all attention and gifts, promised with sugar-coated lies, got ghosted then left in despair. Oh, never again….

about love expression

I love poems and I love my Beloved, the only One most understanding me, the only One never leaving me in any situation and the One putting much love and compassion in my heart.

My mental body feels like a rhombus kite with 5 dots: the dot on top is my soul, the dots at the right and left are my thinking function and my feeling function, the dot at the bottom is my desire towards physical pleasure whatever it is (food, drink, jewelry, sex drive, etc) and the dot in the middle is my heart which is the balancing gravity of the 4 dots at the 4 points of rhombus (qolbu in Arabic). Only when all those 5 dots are interacting in balance then this rhombus kite can fly, soaring perfectly, riding the wind; that is when a human being is in a state of mindfullness or meditative. Rhombusly flying kite❣️

With my poem I will express all the love from those 5 dots. Sometimes I talk from the dot at the top. Sometimes from the dot at the bottom. Sometimes from 2 dots, 3 dots, 4 dots; and when I am aware of the true self, my poems are the love expression of my 5 dots.

People might think it is an exaggeration of love expression; many of my friends reading my poems said “kamu kasmaran nggak henti-henti ya, Rike?” translated into “are you constantly madly in love, Rike?” and that was why I hide the comment section so no one will have a chance to spit bad words about my love poems. Only some who know my journey will really understand. It doesn’t matter.

I saw love bombing although not as often; am I? I am showering my life and life surrounding me with love and compassion; and I am grateful for that. That some of the expression is aiming at someone (who eventually can feel it), I’m thankful and saying “You are safe, I am not love bombing you, this is a tiny love that I can offer.”

Without mentioning my crush name, I discussed my feeling with my best friend who unsurprisingly didn’t judge me yet she said “I restrict myself from loving a man, I don’t want to think about romance, I just want to retire happily” 😂 I didn’t continue the discussion as I never want to shake her feeling of security of being single.

Will I continue my love expression? With no doubt: yes, it is about being true to myself until time decides otherwise. If I don’t look true to others, so be it.

I won’t waste my time hating or worrying about being hated. I don’t either believe with “too much love will kill you”; it is too much lust that kills you.

My love flows like a river, (over)flows to the sea to unite with

You. Insya Allah.

about true to self

I express love more smoothly but when it comes to job, I don’t openly talk about it in social media or public because it contains NDA. Job to me is a dedication in life, in which I feel that my life is meaningful for and well utilised by the human beings in my walk of life. My job is about being true to my own self and true to the contract that I’ve signed. 💕

Dear Love,

I rest my case for now. I have to work.

Salaam.

So Light

Dear
You,
Bless me
With true heart.
I surrender to
You.
No game with this heart,
I just want to walk slowly
Bringing this tiny love
So light.

revelation of light

Forgiven

Learning, love, This Person

And you're, Beloved
Forgiven in every breath.
This soul is well fed.

well fed soul sees paradox as blessings rather than curses

Forgiving

Forgive, Beloved
This self questioning one's self
About where to go.

i’m headin’ 2 U

Forgiveness

Forgive me, dear love
For taking so long a time
To forgive you. You?

watching this video, i remember my mother said that it took so much forgiving and compromising between her and her husband

when i asked what biggest forgiveness each of them had given to each other, she said “many, i can’t summarise”

but she reminded me of one ridiculous thing happening to her hair

there was a traumatic incident between our parents that we will never forget; my mother doesn’t mind anymore sharing it with many — she said it was stupid act by both of them and others should not experience the same thing

once my father could not well control his anger and did something beyond imagination in front of his children; he shaved my mother’s hair bald just because of jealousy; for the next several months my mother had to wear wig to work and social functions until her hair grew back up to certain length — she said if she could explain more elaborately and he would listen more patiently, it would not have happened

when we all got older, we liked jokingly mentioning that incident to our parents, Bapak would smirk and explain that it was a misunderstanding; Ibu would only say “love is blind and sometimes idiot” then both of them laughed 😝

now she would always advise us to know when we are angry and take some minutes to breathe before taking unnecessary action

she told me that my father could tolerate things except when it came to men; he could be irresponsibly and unreasonably jealous to men talking in friendly manner with my mother

i asked again who apologised more and who forgave more?

she said it was always easy to forgive him as he would do his very best to fix issues but she also said that she would make it difficult for him to apologise – alamak

when i asked her why she did so, she said that she wanted to always win 😂

today i called my mother and asked what she feels when she remembers that handsome kind man, she said “I should have been kinder and made it easier….”

so sweet!

“….but he should have said the same thing about me”

eh?

Dear Life

Learning, Poetic

Please keep me in
Your heart
Yours only, where
I stay with those
You love the most, where
You keep all what's private.

In a crowd of stars
I can only see
You, who will never
Remove my favourite sparks:
The bright true blue--

Please keep me in
Your heart
Yours only, where
Soul looks out to the world.
In there wherever you are,
Just peace now here--

In a darkest night
I can only see
You, who will never
Let me travel alone as
I'm your satellite.

RC Gorman’s work of art

[only in Bahasa Indonesia]

Learning, life, love, This Person, Those People

Found a dearest good friend wrote a touching message in Instagram this evening and would love to keep it here — only in Bahasa Indonesia though

My translation into English might never be good enough to contain how compassionate her message is. You might want to translate with Google.

Note: it is a verbatim text

❣️

bertahun lalu, ketika berkesempatan mengunjungi ka’bah, aku duduk menatapnya lalu berucap: “tuhan, tunjukkan aku cara membaca (iqra) alquran. karean aku tidak percaya tuhan mana pengasih maha penyayang se-strict itu.” aku mengacu ke penekanan pada dosa dan neraka yang kerap diangkat.

sejak itu—atau sebenarnya jauh sebelumnya, aku percaya tuhan terus menjawab permintaanku: hidupku adalah tanggapan tak putus dari tuhan atas permintaan itu. dia menunjukkan betapa dia maha pengasih, maha penyayang dan nama-nama lain yang terlingkupi oleh rahman dan rahim.

aku dipertemukan dengan manusia dan makhluk lain (kucing misalnya) yang menunjukkan ragam bentuk kasih sayang, diperjalankan melalui peristiwa-peristiwa yang membantu melembutkan hati—atau menunjukkan di bagian mana hatïku masih perlu dilembutkan; dan dititipkan pada sekolah-sekolah yang secara gamblang membimbingku untuk lebih berwelas asih, berserah, dan merayakan hidup dan keagungannya.

manusia sejatinya bisa berjalan sesuai fatwa hatinya; bisa tergerakkan oleh arahan jiwa (spirit)-nya; bisa hidup dengan lebih jujur minimal kepada diri sendiri. utopis? atau bisa jadi pemikiran bahwa hal ini utopis telah membatasi kita?

banyak yang ingin kuceritakan. bukan untuk mengajarkan, karena siapalah aku ini. namun, lebih ke berbagi. siapa tahu ada yang mengetuk hatimu, lalu kau mengetuk hatiku kembali. Sama-sama kita belajar menjadi manusia.

ingin bercerita, tetapi belum tahu bagaimana. kutaruh tulisan ini di sini sebagai langkah awal. atau, mungkin, kau punya cerita, kegelisahan, pertanyaan, atau ide yang bisa melanjutkkan pembicaraan ini?
terima kasih.

❣️

Thank you, dear friend. You’ve touched my heart many times, I hope I’ve at least once done as good as you.

Thanks for making room for me. Always.

Salaam.

Unfinished Root Cause Analysis of Misunderstanding

Sometimes her tongue is too sharp
But don't blame her tongue,
It's her eyes too sharp
But don't blame her eyes,
It's her brain too critical
But don't blame her brain,
It's her rationale too weak
But don't blame her rationale,
It's her research insufficient
But don't blame her research,
It's her data too narrow
But don't blame her data,
It's her survey not detailed
But don't blame her survey,
It's her objective not well conveyed
But....

She writes love poems.
Yet they get angry, not knowing that
She just expresses naked truth.

She hopes that she is not exposed
As her poems are limited edition.

RC Gorman’s work of art

Flowing River

There's so much here
Wanting to burst
Colours and fragrances
That have been hiding
In a deep cave
For ages.
It is gemstones,
The petrified blood, tears and sweats
Traveling with time and space:
Flowing river
To the turquoise sea
Uniting with
You.

RC Gorman’s work of art

i kno it’s U

A Knight Who Shoots

Who's a knight who shoots?
Archer who knows the bull's eye
And bow and arrow--

Satria manah (satrio manah) is a Javanese phrase formed by two words:

1. Satria or satrio that means a knight,

2. Manah that is derived from the word panah (archery in Javanese). Panah (Noun) is changed to manah (Verb)

As name of batik pattern should be incorporated with wisdom, the interpretation can be built with some exaggeration or maybe slightly drammatical structure. And so, satria manah is not simply a knight who shoots anything but it is intrepreted as a knight who shoots accurately at the heart of a lady.

Life of a wise can be as light as shooting a heart; yet as hard as shooting at the right spot so that it won’t hurt the heart; it even will make the lady fall in love harder with the knight.

Is that even possible?

I don’t know. Not a knight, am not a wise knight. A lady, am the lady whose heart should be shot by a wise knight. 😁

Another fun fact this batik is usually worn by the groom-to-be’s parents when they are officially proposing the bride-to-be in front of her family. The groom-to-be may also wear this batik when he is with his parents during the marriage proposal. Unofficially? the man can propose the woman personally before introducing to each other’s family.

What batik should be worn by the bride-to-be in the marriage proposal? It is batik semen rante. What is that? I will talk about it next year when the semen rante is ready to ship to me by Mbak Izzah. ☺️

This batik has given me a light heart and a good laugh after a long day.

Have a good weekend!

the batik that is ready for delivery

close up of batik Satria Manah

Lovers

Learning, love

There's no place for you
But when I dream. Where are you
When I'm up, my love?

I Love