graphs of my Universe
What's for today's joy?
Colourful and full of taste
On a wooden tray
today’s ifthar
salad for fresh evening from my fridge
kolak (stew of sweet yam, aloe vera and sago pearl) from my kitchen
orange from Bac Ninh, Hanoi
steamed rice cake from Bengawan Solo
Dear
Heart
That
Softens,
Love me
Also
Let me go.
loving others is easier than loving one’s self; after that letting go others is easier than letting go one’s self
I’m letting go all.
💗
Stacking oranges
Shine on a fruit container.
Loved fruits to fulfill
Love has many languages: more than 5 to express it. Fulfilment has only 1: getting/giving what’s wanted.
Fulfilment can be the feeling of getting attention, receiving compliment, passing a test, making a relationship, owning a dream house, invited to important events, getting this or having that.
But love…. I still feel my father’s love although he passed away > 20 years ago. I feel my mother’s love although she lives far away. I still feel my siblings’ love although we don’t talk with each other everyday. It’s the time & moments we’ve cherished . It’s smiles & jokes when gathering in our small dining room. It’s their hi through WhatsApp asking where I am & telling me to be well. It’s the reconciliation after small fights. It’s the blood that I can’t unflow from this body. It’s the karma to serve in the same family. The prayers that I know sent through whisper & breath every time we remember each other. My best friends are included, too.
I constantly need love; without love I will lose hope & die in despair. It stays in the heart & soul, fueling the journey of human being in the making. No expiry date for love: beyond time & space.
I need fulfilment in certain timelines. No big house forever. Not much money forever. No jewelry forever. I won’t need this body forever. The best limit for fulfilment is “in moderation”, “enough” & yes it’s based on my own evaluation.
I claim this shallow mind about love & fulfilment. I’m learning.
Thank you.
Note: This might not work for you. Find your own life treasure within.
💗
I chat with you
With no language.
When with you,
I know no time.
Yet we separate
To miss each other,
To love
With condition
Then without.
in love everyday
I buy your voice with hearing.
I buy your look with sight.
I buy your scent with smelling.
Some I buy with touch and taste.
I buy, never take anything from you for free.
Now you agree senses are currency, no?
A voice screams in whisper:
From whom do you get the senses?
She's in a daze
Again and again,
Failed in transaction
Against
You.
I speak with you
With no language.
When with you,
I know no time.
In you I find me.
In me I find you.
Then we separate
To miss each other,
To love
With no limit.
My perspective about you might change all the time.
It might be about in which angle I stand when looking at you, or
How far I distance my sight when observing you, or
How full circle I go around you to see all sides, or
How long I stay in one corner speechless enjoying the daisy, or
How critical I pull all the dots of you looking imperfect in these eyes until I find it's the lenses impaired that I can't see your beaut so see-through, or
Simply how I accept how you describe you....
I always want the last as I want you to tell me about you.
But you know, sometimes I don't trust you....
Let me trust you.
all is true in its own position – layers of truth apply to human beings’ journey; clarity is truly important to make the right decision, belief is important to stay in the chosen lane
I'm loaded
With burdens
That are not on my body.
The suffering borne
By others
Has leak in
To this porous heart.
Let me be
In rest, Beloved
In the flow of
My slow life
That doesn't chase what I used to chase,
That doesn't crave what I used to crave,
That embraces the acceptance of what is,
That sits alone in room with
You.
how can I not care to those sick, hungry and sad around me who seek help from me? I’ve cried and maybe it is time to stop for a while
just for a while, Beloved
just for a while
before I walk again in this narrow path with grass and daisies around
to where my love suits her scent
let me rest for a while
before it’s time to be your loving hands again for a longer while
thank you….
❣️
They listen to the same songs,
They wear the same clothing,
They talk on the phone hours and hours,
They enjoy morning coffee together,
They sync-up....
They....
They....
Coincidently?
When two people fall in love.
Ahhh! This world belongs to them,
Others are just tenants.
I smile.
Valentine in Hanoi with the chocolate and cats
one of my nephews told me that it’s easy to spot someone falling in love from one’s social media postings; he said the two people will upload the same or almost the same composition of photo or topic; maybe not exactly the same time, there will be patterns emerging
it’s fun to talk to young people; they refresh my bad sights
and make me experiment whether it’s right — I don’t know but yes the patterns are gradually looking clearer
my nephew said “I can help you if you need to do things.”
“you just taught me; it was a great help, dear boy”
☺️
Let there be light.
Let there be light.
Light in heart.
Light of heart.
Light around heart.
Light through heart.
Light borrowed.
Light lent.
Light along this journey.
Light journey.
Light heart.
this heart feels the lightest when I’m riding my bike, exploring the greenery around the neighborhood
rain, I love you but please pause on just one day so I can either visit the water lilies in the river or tropical flowers in the paths around the reservoir
💛
There is a dot
Where a circle is closed.
That is, Beloved
Where I accept
That
However I look won't be good,
Whatever I say won't be right,
To
You.
This heart is a collection of
Tiny circles closing every time
Lesson is learnt.
And so,
Let me close one
For a while
To fully accept
Its breakage.
Let me celebrate this tiny hope
At the edge of this grandiose world
Where only power seems matter.
no, I don’t want to lose hope to have a better world even if that whom I love the most thinks this idea is a nonsense
keep loving, dear heart, even if the sun is an inch over this head
💙
This love, Beloved,
Blooms to shine within and out.
Don't discriminate.
how deed is your love?
I love. Yes I do love….
…. but very rarely romantically up to this age (4 times).
Among the rare romantic love, what was the most magical?
It was when I fell in love with a (maybe) gay man.
Don’t judge me; I didn’t know he was a gay. Don’t judge him; it was his choice.
Love is love. It is still worth appreciating. I respect everyone’s choice of life including one’s sexual orientation & gender identity (some of my friends & colleagues are in that group) but I am not a person to be in a romantic relationship with LGBTQ no matter what.
Thank you, Love for the experience. I’m lucky to have a big heart. I believe my heart is even now deeper and more spacious with the magic that has happened to me.
Alhamdulillah.
😊
❣️
Journey, Beloved,
To the line where I started,
Timed with acceptance--
some people think when an effort doesn’t result in what is targetted, it means a loss — to me it is not a loss, it is a lesson learnt not to do better to win but to know how to let go more immediately, gracefully with less pain
no, not all can do that earlier — some people are just loving to compete against anyone in their journey not knowing it is a silent journey, they think any lane with others present is called a race
no, not all can do that earlier — some people think they are much more superior that can consider themselves excel in everything not knowing that they silently are left behind by many authentically much better in most aspects of life
”m sure everyone will be able to do it when the time is coming
it doesn’t matter, we’re all children of life
☺️
Note: negating, denying, ignoring: patterns that slow down maturity process
Peace and joy, my love,
Cheerfully dances with smiles
Or dives to the deep.
my dolphin earrings today reminded me that life should be experienced with some taste of peace and joy
Wisdom, Beloved
Mothers who are born the last
By daughters called life.
a book from Periplus Plaza Indonesia – good to read during a massage with Mbak Idah
Jakarta has given me a short delay from a fast-paced life.
❣️
Dwellers, Beloved
We are in this space, searching
What's known yet unknown;
Or, what's unknown in fact known
By a searcher who's been searched.
love is in the center of my searching in which I’ve been dwelling in this space with the sun, the moon and the stars
I’ve been searching myself who’s sitting patiently, radiantly knowing that I am longed for by the lover
thank you for the love that you’ve given to me through all those around me: human beings, non humane things and those unseen but sensed, and those unseen and not sensed
Eyes closed, Beloved
Blind her for love far away.
Tell her to go home.
today I’m called to go back home to my own heart full of love — love is blind taking me too far away from where I should be
I always think love is beautiful even when it’s so preoccupied with one object so alien for me, that way love lovingly and softly wakes me up after some time “Rike, time to go home, this might be someone else’s place, not yours”
with unsteady steps I had to accept that all the info is confirmed that I need to go home
to where I should be:
my dear heart full of love singing truly about who I am and who will be my home outside my own home
let me take care of this loving heart and calmly step on the love path, truly, genuinely, naturally….
keep singing love, dear self; there is nothing more beautiful than being natural, genuine, kind and true
keep loving
keep loving
keep loving
Blown away, Beloved,
By how much love I receive
From points of compass.
blowing love to the air, breathing
I love you, Beloved.
And, you don't have to love me.
It's never a transaction
That's tangible.
Loves, even not repaid,
Is energy
That nurtures life growth
Through silent rejection or
Respectful reciprocity.
How beautiful love is,
Never lost
Only found.
love is (always) in the air
This heart, Beloved
Lives a limited timeline.
It can't wait too long.
I believe you can guess which one is today’s star: “sambel goreng kentang hati sapi” 💕
deep frying the Brastagi potato
heart that gives a kick!
the hardest work today after work
in Singapore it’s called “Indonesia potato”, in Indonesia we call in “Brastagi potato” aka “kentang Brastagi”; it won’t break when deep fried not like other types of Australian and American ones
Water, Beloved
Splashes with this body's moves
And the wind that blows.
finally I take picture of the water I soak myself in
Carnation, dear love
Blooms in February for you.
It vibes with this heart.
Have
You
Ever
Loved someone
That
You
Dare not
See the photo?
I'm afraid of brokenheart
Again and again
Seeing you
Posing with her
And not with me.
Sometimes, Beloved
This heart screams so hard, your name.
Echoed in silence.
sometimes I want to share what I feel but even to the closest friend a secret is a secret….
This love, Beloved,
Is a pack of hope and fear
Sailing in the heart.
loving you is like playing swing: fun of my hope and fear, nervous of your anger and confidence
I’ve felt gaslighted but then you said you’re gaslighted; maybe I don’t know my value…. But I think it’s because you don’t care about anything
🙏🏼
A home, Beloved
The stove warms food and water,
The fridge cools the fruit--
I'm water, my love
Living with the soil and air
Burnt by this blue fire.
To me clarity is more important than belief. With belief I might grab in the dark, to some level of darkness I might be frantically euphoric or falling into abyss of confusion. With clarity I can appropriately choose what I need to do & when further blessed, to do it appropriately.
Clarity is gained through many ways, as many as the heart in life. I myself like to think I clarify myself about myself based on how 4 nature elements (water, air, soil & fire) purify themselves.
There are few ways to gain clarity/purity in each but I’d like to talk about one for each.
Water naturally flows to clean itself; flowing to filter what’s in through its movement against all odds (stones, holes, debris, etc). By filtering for clarity it means I need to pass by at the same time to let go a lot of things in life to be clear (& clean). Like river, I receive materials from various sources that possibly contain unnecessary or unfavourable matters & I need to choose which to stay & which to get rid of. Flowing is leaving some behind & taking necessary some ahead. I’ve let go a lot of memories & people.
Air circulates what’s in. By circulating for clarity it means I should not stop sharing. The more I share (material, knowledge, vibes, etc), the more I find clarity in life. Like air, this person needs to vent, too. I tell stories, write, rant, talk, argue, discuss to verify information accuracy.
Soil decomposes what’s in. It breaks things into minuscule or even atomic pieces & blend all in one environment. Like soil, I don’t mind dealing with rotten and/or damaged things (ideas, gossips, accusation, prejudice, etc). Sometimes I swallow the worst leftover. Rubbish can turn to gold! Is it possible artist here? (Not the artist in Bahasa Indonesia’s artis, it is the seniman)
Fire heats to purify itself. Like blue fire I sometimes feel of having the most life energy (oxygen) & the motivation (high temperature). I clarify by motivating myself & others. I often don’t need external voice to motivate myself. I can be rather stubborn against change: sometimes only my will can change my ways. Learning from own mistakes is good: getting burnt 😁
Clarification leaves waste (emotions) so I need to deal with it by treating them well.
Note:
I've grown flowers and big trees
In my heart.
There's a pond with small fish playful and harmless;
Water lilies and lotuses dancing and entertaining.
You send breeze, she sings happily.
You send rain, she drinks sufficiently.
You send storm, she cries sadly.
You send snow, she freezes deadly.
Whatever you send, she feels blessed abundantly, so much loved.
This morning she said to me that
If you send yourself, she'll live forever.
pond near the dining room in D’Omah Jogja — breakfast feels slow with the waiters’ giving us more time to choose the ala carte menu, and meaningful with the long waiting time that diners can have more time to calmly chat in the morning
Hopping frog plays in a corner
Trying to escape
From fear of missing out.
It doesn't know the corner is safe
Protecting it
From a busy mind.
a frog near the door of my home in D’Omah Jogja
One word, Beloved
Expressed to draw emotions
That flow out of cells--
trapped
torn
zigzagging
slipped
rike jokanan 
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