Pernahkah kau diam Dari hari-harimu yang bising, Yang terus ambil kendali, Yang terus mau terdahulu, Yang melucuti pejalan sunyi, Yang membuat hati lain tenggelam, Yang mencabuti akar harapan, Yang mengeringkan daun semi, Yang perlahan dijauhi kelembutan diri?
Diamlah Sampai hening. Diamlah Sampai ramai pun jadi hening. Sehari tiada cukup. Seminggu terlalu pendek. Sebulan belum berarti. Setahun baru kau buka pintu terluar. Semuda usiamu, Setua leluhur terdahulumu.
Diam Hening
apa artinya waktumu tanpa hening? hanya bunyi tik-tik atau tik-tok — hanya suara dalam konteks tanpa makna yang benar-benar membangunkan dirimu sendiri
Life is just like that. It is round, square, triangle Seen from three angles.
Life is just like that. Like what? Like what I’ve never thought but I can handle it by letting go. I thank Gusti Allah for making me a human being so I can experience being human who lives as an ordinary person, maybe less than ordinary 🤐
It is everyday lessons come and go. Some challenging, some lighter. Some are leveled up or completed, in fact some are repeated. Repetition of lessons means that a human being fails to accept what is favourable to now here and to let go of what is not favourable for the soiritual journey to achieve clarity about being human. I’m one of this that’s why I learn from all of you. ☺️
As much as I want no repetition of mistakes though I will accept life as it is, still with kindness. Kindness to whom? To myself and to others although being kind to myself might be a delayed kindness to others — it doesn’t matter, it is just about time or perception.
Photo: Yes, I will always be seen half or less than half by those who see themselves partially: either good or evil, not even a sweet arrangement of those two.
Love loves, Beloved Love loved by a loved lover To be beloved.
Some of my friends have very strong concern about my love life and so they “take care of it” very seriously. They often check if I go dating, sign up the online dating apps, met anyone in the biz trips, if this, or that.
Normally all answers make them annoyed or laugh as I usually respond to them in light ways. Anything not giving me positive impacts or real things should not be part of a weighed consideration to deeply converse. Let go….
Recently life has given me various brain teasers in past weeks: so much forgetting daily personal things (collecting skincare, collecting my Dyson after repaired, lunch bag, ID badge, etc) and…. (drum rolls) friends checking my love life so often by tagging me in instastory that I mostly ignored, WhatsApping me with love-love questions, direct messaging me in Instagram about love-love things, and so on.
“Are you dating? You seem so radiant. I know your romantic words are for someone not for your Beloved. Tell me.” Said one of them.
Woohoo! Will never tell…. 🤪 None of anyone in the world should know whom I love until it is certain whom I will share life with. They can know I am in love and that’s it. If nothing happens, then it is a secret for the rest of this life. Age has taught me how to deal with safety, security, confidentiality and integrity.
One more friend tagged me in an instastory as if telling me to open my heart and blahblahblah….
Friends make my life fun! I love them with all my heart because I know they just want me to be happy.
Ahhh! I just want to sleep well welcoming Chinese New Year holiday.
Walking in the forest deep, she was stopped by questions in her dancing mind.
Who am I? I'm a living being Walking her path.
What is the path? There seems none. The path is becoming with her steps taken. An imaginary line drawn by hopes and fear, faith and science, clarity and mystery; two poles balancing distance and time--
Where is the path heading to? The path is heading to where the North Star is.
Where is the North Star? The North Star is a constant bright: that sits still to help find direction, that can be found in a clear unlit night above Mother Earth's magical belt, that loves wordless hymns.
It is lurking dark, but You are bright Showering my night. Don't set. Don't rise. Be there In the north So I can always call You My North Star.
Many days emit many emotions. They show off how well Life is capable of Playing human beings with different stories. She laughs. She cries. She reads. She writes. She sings. She hums. She does, even when she doesn't. All with all her loving heart; or when doing things, she fills her heart with love.
sometimes I cry, not always because of sadness, sometimes I do because I feel so much loved….
She's reading the books Lining up in a long rack. Scratching head and nose--
a corner that i like seeing but almost never pick the books from there – most of the books seem good but i prefer browsing around and picking those clicking with me
today i picked some to start my 2025’s reading challenge in goodreads.com
my Japanese is not getting better but reading about Japanese culture is still interesting to me
i followed the writer in Instagram two days ago and really want to see what his books are like
illustrated book is always interesting to me
am i into stoicism? not really but i see the book cover and pages are all glossy and that’s enough reason to read it
Long road to travel Seeing trees walking swiftly River flowing, too--
Chinese New Year is coming soon. It is the most celebrated day in Singapore aside from National Day so many people will take a leave to celebbrate it with family, friends or to find getaway overseas. Many companies give extra days off to employees so they can take longer break in the year. My company is not exception. And so I take this opportunity to visit my 1st home country, Indonesia!
I will be in Jakarta for a few days to meet with some good friends and to check my little home that was now hostless since my good friend moved out after her marriage with a foreigner who brought her out. Another good friend is now monitoring my home once a week to check if stray cats need some food, plants need some trimming and sure the house itself need some fixing and security measure. Thank you, dear friends. 💕
From Jakarta I will continue to Yogyakarta, my home will be for retirement (damn…. my colleagues and friends keep teasing me “like you will retire soon, work, work, save money then retire at 60”. 😁
My original plan is taking train from Gambir Train Station to Yogyakarta Train Station. But then another good friend, a Jakartan, offered a ride. “Rike, I will drive from Jakarta to Jogja. Want a ride?”
Voila!
It’s gonna be my first land trip after years from Jakarta to Jogja; years ago when my brother was still working in Jakarta, he and his family gave me a ride from Jakarta to East Java until we all preferred train that was less tiring.
The offer “want a ride” was brilliant that the answer was yes with no second thought. It became even more brilliant that I wouldn’t have to drive (not a good driver I am)! Whoa! Excitement rose!
I trust this friend who has been in many land trip both car and bike around the archipelago both alone and in group. A super traveler indeed!
Friends in the whatsapp group cheered us up. Excitement rose higher!
See you, Jakarta! Then Yogyakarta!
Safe and safe!
can’t wait 😍 Jakarta to Yogyakarta with Mbak Adek 🙏🏼
The world keeps spinning. The body ages with time. Trip in alignment--
Don’t be afraid of becoming old. Aging is truly a blessing.
With the gray hair I feel wisdom befriends with me. Still I have freedom to dye it to look radiant.
With the wrinkle on the skin I find kindness and understanding unfolds. Yet it is not wrong to put skincare to look healthy and fresh.
With weaker eyes I find my mind is sharper evaluating my self and environment. I can still wear reading spectacles to keep reading to refresh brain.
With less hydrated joints and less dense bones I move more slowly cum gracefully. There is no harm though to do sports regularly.
With fewer friends I still get good updates accurately about how the world spins and enjoy true relationship with little to no condition.
Eventually aging is about knowing that soul will release the physical body when they body is ultimately deteriorated, when time is up. I just need to ensure that this body knows she is never alone or lonely in the separation process.
About a year, Love Where you're present and again Giving me all joy-
2024 was such a year! Thanks much for the one year teaching me again to warmly love sincerely with little to no condition: unclear hints that broke my heart. Life is not always about glory; it’s also losing to win lessons.
2024 was about sudden trips & data as professional breakfast & lunch. I see how fast I process biased opinions & immediately detour to the right path! Such a training by & for brain muscles!
2025 is about continuing my spiritual journey with the same foundation: singularity, uniqueness & humanity;
also about doing my life work with dedication & expertise;
sweet friendship with those that respect and love each other as best friend;
about enjoying long weekends in Korine Jati soon & enjoying longer holiday somewhere else;
about keeping sharing the blessings with those around me verbally, materially, intelectually & spiritually in moderation;
& knowing & loving myself again, again, again….
…. all genuinely & with light heart.
Welcome, 2025. I already feel your sweetness.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2025
dear, monkey mind
i don’t regret but it was the most painful moment in 2024 and thankfully i was helped by my life work
i love my messy hair that gets happy with breeze caressing it and my eyes that tell even when my mouth shuts
2024, thank you for bringing Banksy’s works of art to Scotts Road
my love to you is as much as the space among drizzles washing off my sadness
my love to you is as much as the pouring rain among the space giving me pure breeze
this weekend has welcomed me with sprinkling blessings like the rain in a desert
each day is a new day when sky opens wider horizon and shows me what i didn't see
do you feel the same? the space among the rain the pouring rain the desert that celebrates a horizon that keeps widening--
i love you.
thank you for making me smile a lot
💙
in life i learn to accept that love is sometimes not enough; it takes strategy to make things happen and i don’t want to strategize in love
i don’t want to force because i believe life has given me so much so if i don’t get what i want, it doesn’t mean a loss
that i have the ability to love as sincerely as possible is a huge blessing; that i don’t show it openly, it is to ensure everyone’s safety, dignity and comfort
If I'm a mother, I'd be my children's student And their wisdom guide.
I had a Sunday cafe date with a friend while she was accompanying her son having taekwondo class nearby.
Like usual only with this friend I can always agree to go out of my home at weekend except when I am really caught up with urgent work. With her (and her husband and children) I can talk freely with loud laughter without being afraid of any judgement. They are perhaps my closest friends here in Singapore.
One of the today’s topics was mother.
We know quite a bit about both of our journey of relationship with mothers. As daughter we had almost the same experience of dealing with mother: acceptance to be a daughter of a woman with very different mindset and nurturing experience.
Our acceptance to our mother’s love evolved beautifully. Both of us have realised how much our mothers love us and how much we both love those women called mother. It was just a matter of positioning based on respect and understanding. It is always about knowing what and how love manifests in life.
oolong tea, thanks for witnessing friends’ laughter and genuine talk
That she is herself a mother of two children has taught her what a mother’s love means. To me I experienced various conflicts and arguments with my mother until at one point I realised how hard it was to be in her position and how hard to me to accept the fact that I have to accept my position before her culturally, biologically and ethically.
This friend likes to share with me how she raises her kids and the vice versa, I also like to give case studies and see how she treats some situations. Among all married friends she might be the one I would like to be like in most situations, not all as we still have different opinions in some topics if I am a mother (I know it is just an if as I don’t even have a hope to be someone’s wife at this age). She is open to communicate with her kids and husband up to a level of sitting at a round table to openly argue about things; at the same time she has her boundary at which point a mother stops to force and at which line a child must respect parents.
Today’s was our last 2024’s meet-up. She will fly to Karuizawa, Japan on Dec 11 until end of year and I will finish my work before end-of-year’s home country leave for a short while.
This friend always makes me miss my mother.
Ibu, I will call you tomorrow morning…. Know that I will always love you . Know that I will say yes if you become my mother again in my next life.
The mangos that fly from across the sea, The nectarines that stare at me, The plums that hide among their fellow fresh, The trio that will not stop fascinating me Until I happily cry To close the weekend. Refreshing tears into Fresh weekend--
You are butterflies Flying around my heart Tickling me to whisper I love you. But where are You? Hiding behind signs That I've misunderstood, Disguised between symbols That I've wrongly guessed, None is solely for me.
What do I have to write about You today? My pen doesn't want to move, she said "The poem about him is like a blinking tiny beacon afar, signing on and off. Hard to read."
What do I have to feel about You today? My heart doesn't want to move, she said "The poem about him is like a flickering will of wisps swaying weakly. Hard to follow."
What do I have to believe about You today? My mind doesn't want to continue explaining, she said "The poem should be a prose that will take so much time to complete. Hard to describe."
What do I have to accept about You today? My soul doesn't give any sign but smiling, she said "The power is not what you need. Only love suits your journey. If not love, let go. Hard to digest."
What do I have to let go about You, Today? My life doesn't want to stop laughing, she said "Laugh when gaslighted. Smile when gaslighted. Look when gaslighted. Never strike back. Stay or walk away. Peacefully. Not as hard as thought or felt or believed or planned."
I stay in the same plane to keep walking with my love poems for you, Today.
life is an opera, the most illogical and grandest one at times
How long do you think I write one poem? Less than one minute up to as long as 20 minutes.
I never use AI. Never and probably will never except using AI is the only way for me to live.
My poem is always about what happens to me or at me. It is always about what I love or not love. Is it always about love? Yes, because the only relevant thing to life is love: it can be romantic love, platonic love, family love, friendship love, dedication to work, compassion, self love, love to Love.
I feel it so flowing when I write love poem, it takes me snap of fingers to make it happen. When I am stressed after some meeting, I will type a haiku. When I am in the aeroplane sleepless, I will usually write love poem in my small book. Writing poem is never a distraction, it is a motivation to get fresher and braver and to perform better.
One more thing: the depth of the poem not only depends on my mood and calmness but also the mood and calmness of the subject recited in the poem. It would be so much calmness when I write about my little brother; much bravery about my sister, much fun about my older brother. My early poems in 2008 up to 2012 is full with expression of depression, around 2014 to 2017’s is energizing energy, 2019’s is liberation and blessings to forward movement. And 2024’s poems feel a bit heavy with a feel of being played around but still flowing rather heavily on positivity.
I kind of enjoy the altered energy everytime the writing of poem involves different stories and objects; so much enlightening inside and giving energy to keep the faith in this silent journey within.
Specifically past 3 months I’ve felt big energy of gaslighting and game playing. I am just observing and doing best to evaluate whether it is what’s inside me projecting my own despair or reflecting a despair from outside me.
No matter what, love poem is still my preferrence.
I have teachers in life. Some make me cry. Some make me speak. Some make me walk. Some make me hold. Some make me laugh. Some make me smile. All make me sense. All make me think. One makes me love.
only you, love
making me a human being, not a plant, not an animal, not a geenie, not an angel
rike jokanan 
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