graphs of my Universe
It' slow and steady,
Snails throw a party with me.
Everyone's happy.
look at how they party: slow and steady, they didn’t stop climbing up the plant but i didn’t see their movement but suddenly one was already up on one leaf — fascinating nature
Flow, Beloved
To where love brings
You.
There was a steep rock,
You fell again.
This time it might take longer
To flow calm.
Believe there won't be time dilation
And journey will be just fine.
nothing, it’s just a flowing river enjoying her journey
🤍
Life she wishes is
Simple and easy
Only when earth spins new.
And it does every moment
She accepts each day.
Yet it doesn't at a moment
She looks away.
in which food is harmless and healthful
where compassion and kindness is strength, not weakness
when showing excitement is vulnerably acceptable
where dreaming is guided instead of discouraged
where balancing is an art well appreciated
in which different perspective is part of thinking
where nature is safely kept and befriended
where she can freely kiss the soul
where friendship is about sharing the light in the beautiful dark
where romance is a pair of old souls wrapped in young hearts walking in a genuine fun friendship
where living is here now, not later somewhere else
…. where awareness wakes up due to a light touch of the presence of a soft feather
This flower blooms
In a hottest day,
In a beautiful garden,
In a cold hallway.
It just blooms
No matter what.
Just bloom
And come what may.
my driver dropped me in the wrong gate yesterday and just drove away; he drives very well but doesn’t understand English (yes, he is a driver not a tour guide 😁) yet it was a blessing in disguise: i walked a bit and met these flowers on the way — beauty greets me everywhere when my heart is light
red roses in the hotel courtyard, tantalising colour
a pot of orchid, to the lift
Vantage points, dear self
Splitting visions to see things
Comprehensively.
problem solving sometimes best happens when i see things from different perspectives
My best, Beloved,
Is now here staying with me.
The self loved by me
Never leaves, never betrays.
Born, living, will die with me--
pho-bo for last night’s dinner with extra ngogai leaves is still the best
my host gave me pho-bo on hotpot — not the best, yet pho never fails me in Vietnam
chicken pho with extra ngogai leaves — good but pho is best with beef
Sunday, Beloved
Repeats itself as a space
To explore for love.
misro = amis di jero (sweet inside, Sundanese language)
combro = oncom di jero (oncom inside, Sundanese language)
misro before deep fried
sometimes i am amazed with my ability and patience in the kitchen 🤪
put a layer of dough then put some sugar in then cover it with the dough around the sugar
grated gula aren = palm sugar
for combro the filling should be oncom but there is no oncom in Singapore so i replaced it with tempe (tempeh)
grated cassava and grated coconut, mixed
cassava, palm sugar in its original wrap, tempe
Your heart, Beloved,
Is yours. We though share one soul
Bonding us for good.
I send love to your heart while
The soul hugs us forever.
everything looks beautiful when seen with love
this is one of 6 stems of orchids celebrating life before they dry out some time later, reminding me to keep sharing love and compassion until my existence changes dimension
thank you, dear orchids
Forgiveness, my love
Blooms among showers of love
Coming out of love.
I became very upset yesterday after listening to some statements that in my perspective was sarcastic and on the contrary to what I personally saw. Most people laughed though.
Then what came across my mind was that person was trying to tell me secretly through a “townhall” that I was not the chosen one. It is normal to be excluded or canceled or rejected/ but should be with dignity not giving silent treatment; and with consistent treatment not “saying this here, giving hidden messages there”– personal or professional, that is not a right way to treat people.
My day was so ruined. What made it worse was a heavy rain came unpredictably that I had to travel longer from Johor to Singapore because of traffic growing jammed in both countries’ immigration gates.
But then I talked to myself last night. What is so special about me that I should be the chosen one? Why not accepting what was securely? Why was so upset to statements that might have been intended to tell me the truth? Hurting truth is better than late one, right? Or what about if that was just a way to tell jokes?
It took me long to re-digest the why: I was using the 5-Why method to trace back possible root causes with no result.
Out of the blue an iMessage with a beautiful song came from a Coldplay lover saying that it was sent to me because the song reminded that person of me. Wow! What a coincidence! Exactly when the iMessage came, I was playing exactly the same song sent to me.
And that the song reminded that person of me must have had a reason: maybe the quality of either the music or lyrics of the song is so me? 🥹
Why this song? Maybe the song vibe represents my “feeling good and like falling in love all the time”. Hmm…. This must be something.
I opened the Holy Book randomly and got another good vibe; a verse started with a sentence: “hold to forgiveness”.
What a stroke of good colours has been thrown to me!
Ok, my day!
I will do all my laundry and house cleaning chores today, cook my breakfast and eat it happily, then go to sleep like a log tonight then tomorrow I will walk 5 kilometers in the morning or go biking 11 kilometers in the afternoon.
Yosh❣️
Thank you, Gusti Allah….
I forgive myself. I forgive others. I forgive myself for letting my mind be filled with negativity about myself and others. I forgive others who have been so out of context or being ignorant.
What song sent by that Coldplay heavy lover? Here it is.
thank you, KM-san! i think you’re right that i deserve to be a heart full of love and a person spreading good feelings
i don’t want to give up; i’ve worked hard to shape a loving heart up to this level — will never let go of my true self
❣️
I love who I love
With the least of what I feel,
With the smallest of what I give,
With the smile I curve,
With the breath I take,
With the step I make,
With the words I whisper,
With the prayer I hide,
With the biggest I can sacrafice,
With the vastest I can explore,
With the laughter I throw,
With the sigh I disguise,
With the decision I make,
With all I dedicate
In silence
Or declared.
title of my poem above is inspired by none but part of Coldplay’s Jupiter
That planet never stops inspiring me. Thanks, Jupe.
laughter is ripples caused by a heart who wants to tell stories of how life offers so much
i called my mom and could not stop laughing hearing her stories about anything around her: the cat, the relatives, the weather, the broom, the iPhone, etc
she is someone able to make a simple thing nice to hear and laugh at
i never talk about my problem with her and i consider it my job 😁 because her fun can only happen when she knows her children are ok
just by talking with her about how she argued with my sister could make me laugh hard and when finally she asked me “what about you? you ok?”, i would confidently say “iya, Ibuuu….”
i love you, Ibu — you are one of those I so much love
💗
I love who I love
Through the existence of yours.
I am to comply.
There's only one rule applied:
Wholeheartedly or forced, done.
title of my tanka is inspired by none but part of Coldplay’s Jupiter
That planet never stops inspiring me. Thanks, Jupe.
there is one verse in the Quran that i could finally accepted when i reached 40:
arra’d #15 “and to God prostrates whoever is within the heavens and the earth, willingly or by compulsion, and their shadows in the mornings and the afternoons”
even when at the beginning i felt forced to accept what was, i finally found that i was saved through being forced while i was struggling declining what was
it’s like swimming in a river flowing sometimes so calm making journey so enjoyable, sometimes forcing and surging making it hard to believe;
just flow, my dear self
all is in the name of love
💗
You know, Beloved
A new heart being rebuilt
Is about to break.
the biggest tear is when hope is betrayed before even it gets to know what to expect
Love teaches me to be generous
Of admiration and hopes and dreams.
However, fear drives me to be stingy
Of admiration and hopes and dreams.
You're a pendulum I'm hugging, Beloved
Swinging me from
Love to
Fear.
I know my wish won't change anything.
You constantly move to balance
Your own generosity,
And my imbalance is just a side effect,
Not your fault--
I'm almost drowning,
Your stream is so strong.
I'm more and more deeply pulled
To where I belong:
A smile of generosity,
Where love is abundant,
Fear dormant.
letting go is making sure love is abundant and fear dormant
It's humble,
Warm,
Spacious,
Fragrant,
Sweet,
Loving,
Beautiful and
True
As this heart.
My home....
I miss
You.
this song depicts how i love my perfect home to be — i miss Jogja
November, please give me just one weekend to be there then i will be a prisoner again until next slot that you wholeheartedly give
❣️
Be true
Being true
True
Self
Thank you, dear life for being so true to me and teaching me how to be.
I felt so heavy this morning. After swimming, I continued preparing a line of chores that were not finished last night. Yet when doing the laundry and some kitchen things, I was “attacked” by a feeling of broken heart and anger that didn’t seem to be from my own experience– I’ve been so in love and blessed recently.
I remember that what we feel is not always who we are, there might be others’ negative energy around us that with heaven knows what reasons the energy attaches to us. So I stopped for a while: talking to myself, talking to my best friend, posting some funny videos to my instagram then meditating for a while. And tada! My mother called me giving me some news about this and that happening around her.
No wonder I’ve felt so heavy and broken hearted.
Now I know I am not broken hearted.
I am filled with so much love and flowing it to those knowing how to appreciate it.
I promise to be always true to this true self and to those true to it.
May all beings be happy.
💗
Liberating love
Makes her fly high to the sky
Seeing a blessed heart.
the ultimate love is that that liberates
listening to this song feels like liberated in love
💗
Have a great weekend!
enjoying Dalang Seno’s wayang show (audio) while doing my Satuday night’s chores after some bite of chocolate
This morning I heard someone said that life is flat when not comparing or without comparison. Do I agree? I can say I disagree; yet I respect his different perspective of life.
Most people if not all want to grow. The ways they see the need of growth are different from each other. Some people feel the need through seeing other people’s position so they can feel better or worse. I have better this. I have more that.
Some other people feel the need to see their own position earlier to see their progress. I want to be better than me yesterday.
Some others will need to feel either better or worse simply because they have or not have sufficient self esteem. I am better than others simply because of having things better in some ways and worse of having not.
The others don’t care, they just be. Oh! Some are peaceful because of being so accepting: empowered; the rest are probably being angry for not (yet) accepting: ignorant.
Which one is me? I am swinging between comparing to me yesterday and feeling either better or worse without comparing. Is that bad? And what is my target?
I truly want to accept whatever I am facing as it is. As…. It…. Is….!
Whether it is good or bad, I don’t evaluate through those two adjectives. Oh maybe I am to be the last type in a peaceful state: just be. But no! Or, at least not yet. I am a human being and I still want to be imperfect until time calls me to meet the Perfect Perfect — as long as I am accepting my being imperfect human being, I will grow (hopefully to the right direction).
I’m a perfectly imperfect one compared to the growth itself. 😊
So, do I still disagree with comparing? Yes or no? Paradoxically yes, comparing is the lowest skill of self evaluation if not the lowest skill of strategic thinking. Look at below samples of comparing to see my point.
Simple question: how can you compare Keanu Reeves with your boyfriend? Even if Mr Reeves is much better than your man, will he be yours? Even if your boyfriend is better than Keanu, will he be a world star? The best way is to accept that romantically you are into one man, while idolizing Keanu Reeves.
One more question: how can you compare a small company run with a simply sustainable system and make the whole population happy and content with a giant company run with a robust system and make the whole population proud and dignified? The best way is to see if either system is corrupt or not.
Happy weekend….
i am nurturing my tree to grow, probably to outgrow myself — i can’t even compete my shadow 😊
thank you for the reminder
Thank you, dear weekend
For slapping my face with waves
That clear busy mind.
in the middle of a book that i picked in Sep 2023 and started reading in Sep 2024
soon completed
one big note within my reading which i am sure will stay until the end of the reading: always start with why except in loving someone, when you love someone with a why, you will find another why and finally you have no reason to love that someone and you’ll go back to your meaningless emptiness — know that only love never needs why
thank you, Truth for giving me so big a heart that contains so little to no why for loving, and so big a mind that contains unlimited why’s for knowing life
have a weekend, take a breath and set new days
i beg mercy from You, The Truth — set me free ASAP from heart congestion and mind unclarity
duh Gusti…. 😘
Morning, Beloved
Welcomes a cycle to close,
To open new days.
morning has broken
A gift, Beloved,
Wrapped or unwrapped, it will be
Blessings to both sides.
today i met my Tapa Brata room mate, she is a sister in this spiritual and medical journey for me; while she is much younger than me, she is tremendously more advanced in what we both are doing — today she wrapped me a silver jewelry that i right away wore to go dinner with her in PS
thank you for this pretty gift, FO
A point, Beloved,
With which a view is perceived.
Welcome, clarity.
clear and clean
She asks what's better
Today or next life? The same--
If it is the same.
what can be better than tempe with good friends around? both are at the same level of comfort
💕
She's blessed, Beloved
In the name of none but love
By those knowing love.
almost done with the packing — short getaway somewhere connected with 1-week biz trip to KL
i’ve been in good mood
this was the first time i was kissed and hugged by the CFO of a company after a closing meeting — she said she had heard my name from other counterparts in other branches and she liked the way i defended my standpoint; or, probably she was just being a mother who remembered her daughter
thank you, YW; you are blessed
When I found you,
It was a spellbound day.
The feel of being bewitched,
Charmed, tormented and blessed at the time brought me a big question.
What is this?
A dream?
A mirage?
An illusion?
Another test?
There will be a day
To judge if
You materialise or
You fade away.
If there is a mystery, it is
You.
You appear in the door of my heart
As a surprise.
Is that really you?
Or a ghost assigned to test?
If it is truly you, be you.
If it is a ghost, be gone.
Although everyday
I want to say to
You anything I want to say
But say not as I bet
You know how I feel,
You know what I wish,
You know whom I miss,
You know and
You know.
One day heaven knows which day
I will say to
You anything I want to say
Everyday although
You know how I feel,
You know what I wish,
You know whom I miss,
You know and
You know.
That I miss
You is out of question.
Yet does it matter if
You have one closest place within me
Where I can whisper to
You about stories of my daily hope,
About plans beyond my here now?
Only to
You--
I don't have to shout to the world about how much I wish to be with
You because
They don't need to know.
I don't have to show to the audience about how much I wish to hear from
You because
This softest prayer is one of the most clangorous wishes.
They say loving intensely is a waste.
No.
Loving you intensely is simply
Throwing you a sweet smile,
Holding your hand,
Walking with you,
Sitting in silence next to you,
Staring the same scenery,
Breathing the same air,
Humming a tune that some day heaven knows which day
Only love does matter.
What are you reading today?
Said I to myself.
I did read pages of books
Seen in my favourite bookstore,
Met in MRT, the mall, the restaurant and on my way.
They all were read by me that life is either difficult or light, easy or heavy,
Yet none wanted to leave among the disarray.
Do they love their life?
Maybe yes, maybe no
But they were willing to stay,
Living in their own way
To finish writing their stories
With a
Happy ending.
How should I write my book?
I plan a
Happy ending
When only love matters.
In the writing
I use my own letters.
the 3 on top must be completed by end of Oct then i will read other thinner books; otherwise i can’t achieve 2024’s reading target — i am competing with myself to achieve better than myself last year
this year 4 of the books i read are based on recommendation; thanks for recommending the good books — i skip some recommended though with some reason
among all books i’ve read some have changed the way i perceive life: Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and The Sea, Jack London’s The Call of The Wild, Quraish Shihab’s Jilbab, Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist, Bhagavad Gita, and several others — all those writers are collaborating to teach me how i should dismantle my rigid thought about life and so i’ve been gradually set free as a human being
when i like a book, i will read it again and again; fyi, i seldom scribble on my books, so i put post-it or book-markers or just a piece of paper between interesting pages — many of my books are dog-eared but mostly clean
every reader has one’s own habit to love one’s points of reading
😊
rike jokanan 
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