The only thing making me commit to stay in a conversation and keep it confidential is my promise 15 years ago that I would never reject anyone who comes to share whatever they want to, mostly about their pain. And once a sharing from a young friend was hitting me so hard.
Me: Why do you think that friend hurts you? She doesn’t even say it is about you.
F: She should know that the case she highlights in her social media is almost the same case as mine. If she thinks it is to support me, it is a wrong way. Does she think highlighting a trauma a nice thing?
Me: Maybe she is trying to show you her support. She wants to tell you “You are not the only one, be tough, I am on your side.”
F: By making me thinking of the bad thing happening to me?
Me: You may not want to share. It is ok. What happened to you?
F: (she was crying, telling me some cases hitting me so hard that it gave me some pain in my chest.) Now you know. I think I don’t deserve anyone.
Me: I understand how it makes you feel. I guess it is gonna be ok. Do you want to tell her about your feeling to her about how the sharing has made you feel? You said you shared with her about the cases.
F: Once I told her the big picture, not the details. She said I am weak for not being able to accept what happened years ago. And I feel that I may have become a circulated story among people in her circle.
Me: (could not say much, just tried to listen as what happened to her is almost the same with what is happening to me — someone highlighted again and again some case that might make me remember what I always want to forever bury. And that contact to ensure confidentiality has been blocked is another pain.) You deserve very good people with your good heart, dear friend.
F: (crying until I finally asked her to end the call and take some rest)
I can never blame those who think trauma should or can or will be healed fast. For them it is just a story, for her (and people like her) it is a nightmare that has made her feel not deserving some things or some people or even this life.
I wish more people can appreciate and respect others regardless what others have experienced in life and won’t make the trauma a ridicule or a joke or circulated stories to make more fun.
Salaam.
shower this life with peace and love 💝 accepting, accepting, accepting
Disclaimer: by permission of the sharer
rike jokanan 
You must be logged in to post a comment.