So I Can Meet You

I don’t want to race.
Only safety that I wish
So I can meet you.

β€”

started late today and found the undercharged front lamp, decided to go back to the brighter track, safety first 🧷
brighter area near home is always the safest

Surprise

Surprise, Beloved:
Message in a bottle found;
A sweet S. O. Sβ€”

β€”-

(as if) suddenly weekend!!!

I found life is full of small sweet surprises right when they’re needed the most.

Why am I so stupid realising it late?

Ah! That’s one of the elements of a surprise!

lighter and lighter and lighter

No Doubt

No doubt, Beloved,
Flowers blooming greet the sun.
The vase is ready.

β€”

Welcome to a happiest month! πŸ’

arrange the scattered gladiolus that you picked in August (RC Gorman’s work of art)

Gesture

Gesture, Beloved,
Expressed to send a message
Addressed with no stamp

β€”

a simple gesture makes a dark heart shine – whose heart? the performer or the spectator? apparently both
is it he or I who thanks for that day? wherever you are, God bless you! thanks for anonymously making my day! πŸ™πŸΌ

Sent by The Breeze

Cool breeze, Beloved,
Caresses her long black hair
Sending sweet messageβ€”

β€”

in silence I’m sending a sweet message by air that surfs on the waves of ocean πŸ’

Blessings

Blessings, Beloved,
A secret sent as a gift
Packed in dusty boxβ€”

β€”

Much sugar today!

not so good a taste outside! plain and plain and weird! almost threw it away but decided to compromise with the weird taste…..
…. sweet and crunchy inside, surprise! not even in the item description. thanks for letting me compromise with it first πŸ‘πŸ½
always love it since forever!

Dream Home (ranting)

Dream home, Beloved,
A place where nature meets hearts;
Hearts warmly greet soulsβ€”

β€”

The conversation with a long lost friend came to a topic of β€œwhere we want to live if ending living alone?”

Living in Singapore was never part of my dream. A visit in 2010 gave me impression that I would die of hunger in a week with Indonesia salary. 😁

Now this city is a lovely second home; my impression has changed. I won’t die because of hunger but I will die because of loneliness if I stay single retiring here. I still can’t find enough friends like those in home country. There are three but all of them will retire in Bali and New Zealand sooner than me.

Residing in a landed property where gardening and backyard dining is affordable is a preference, yet I don’t have the luxury of living in such place here. And I don’t want to die alone in a locked condo found rotten after days or even weeks. Oh God, please protect me from such horrible thing. Amen….

F: I’ve always wanted to live in Ubud and it will happen very soon. I’ll open a spa with all traditional herbal from all over Indonesia. I’ll quit my job soon. I want to live my own life as me, no one can tell me to do this and that anymore! No bloody politics anymore! Visit me often! You’ll find my spa super special! I’ll give you discount! Be a regular customer! Hey! You once wanted to live in Thailand?

Me: Someone informed me about a good property in low price near my favourite hotel in Ayutthaya. Yet Thai have controversial life style I’m not comfortable with in a way. I’m too simple, sometimes too honest and can be against those status-oriented that I might not be able to adapt well. Not a true dream! Hey! Actually love to live in Kyoto!

F: You’ll die in three months after you complete second round of shrine, temple and ancient house hopping! πŸ˜‚

Me: Dying of walking! πŸ˜‚

What a refreshing conversation! And yes, I’ll visit her spa soon! 😍

Lesson learnt: Will only live with those I love and loving me where home is a real feel. No excuse.

Salaam…. πŸ’

gebyok – the Javanese teak wood door symbolizing the host’s living in welfare, peace and harmony with nature πŸ’
angkul-angkul – the Balinese gate symbolizing warmth welcome to guests and privacy of the host at the same time πŸ’

In Harmony

In harmony, love,
The art, the breath, the weather
With the city vibeβ€”

β€”

I prefer enjoying the artistic vibes of a city to enjoying the crowd of its party or clubbing. People’s effort to entertain others through art on the street while at the same time earning a living is more humane than people’s effort to escape from their allegedly humdrum life by forgetting who they really are (my humble opinion).

May all beings be happy. πŸ’

performer who stunned a boy (and the spectators behind him incl me) with her dance and smiles – I’ll definitely be back to country coded +31 😍
enjoying music in a city corner – should be back someday 😍 (country coded +32)
the literary man on the wall of a city – should I be back to country coded +44?

Surprise!

Surprise, Beloved,
Dew drops slide, meet in a line;
River of blessingsβ€”

β€”

Weekend is mostly about staying home finding sweet surprises.

Thank you for the weekly break and lots of mini blessings!

mini cuty! thank you!
this one was let go for not re-blooming after 2 years, today I found her stunning surprise! thank you!
the bud stem! thank you!
bathroom window nook gang is also in action! thank you!

πŸ₯°

Dear Lover

Lover, Beloved,
With whom air and joy is shared,
By whom tears soon driedβ€”

β€”

Being excited about solo travel wished in near future has made me remember places visited alone years ago. One of them is Madrid. Exciting one! Also ridiculous one! This trip was where I had: Korean food for lunch (my hunger came earlier, while people in Madrid have lunch at around 2pm so the most recommended Madrid restaurant was not open yet), Chinese silk bought (order from my beautiful best friend who was craving for it), lapis lazuli earring studs purchased for €80 (found them only S$40 in Lucky Plaza, might be only IDR300,000 in Jakarta), walking around the same street 4 times to find one place that was shown very clearly in Google Map…. I was lost in mind because of too many handsome faces on the road πŸ˜‚

Madrid though won’t be a city I will go alone anymore. This place is too romantic to go without a lover.

One more thing, be careful of pickpockets! Too many, too many!

Salaam. πŸ’

I still believe I saw Cristiano Ronaldo in Starbucks there but none of my friends believe me πŸ˜†

Rainy Day

Rainy day, Beloved,
Compliment from up aboveβ€”
Warm heart’s cheering up.

β€”

Mendoan is tempe blanketed with mixture of rice flour, wheat flour, ground garlic, ground coriander seed, sliced scallions, salt and water. It is half-cooked in deep fry method in high heat of fire.

Yummy!!! I love deep fried food in a rainy weekend! Let’s make more! πŸ’

not perfectly healthful but this is the best for snacking in rainy day – perfectly served with bird chilli 😍

Journey

Journey, Beloved,
Lost in the crowd, finding self.
Walk to the next gate.

β€”

Try solo travel and identify the emerging emotions from one place to another. It’s great to experience different feelings responding to new people and different culture.

It’s not about how many countries have been explored. It’s about how much this self can stretch herself through the need of adaptation and flexibility alone. Not easy but doableβ€”

What’s the next destination of her solo travel? Wherever, soon please.

πŸ’

you know where it is – look at the phone box carefully and a culture is seen there πŸ”₯

Weekend

Weekend, Beloved:
Hopping corner to corner
Building joyous vibeβ€”

β€”

What a busy weekend I have! One living room, one kitchen, one balcony, one bedroom, one bathroom, one storage room, one laundry corner β€” all must be done on one day by one person.

Professionally it is called one on one! 🀑

little mess under work desk πŸ₯° what’s on is even merrier (don’t like using the word β€œmessier”) – working from home, sometimes I wear shoes as if working onsite; vibe is built at times πŸ‘πŸ½

Dove Peace

Dove peace, Beloved,
Not dove’s! It’s ours projecting
What we can’t achieveβ€”

β€”

hey, dove! do you spread peace through your songs, your breaths or your shits? πŸ˜‰

Fine Gold

Fine gold, Beloved, alchemists’ masterpiece through millions of failures

β€”

By end of this life she’ll be at least a master of breathing….

…. who will stop breathing at the peak of the mastery πŸ˜€

Unapproved alchemist! πŸ˜€

bought because of the 9999 😁

Not Lost

I’m lost, Beloved.
This maze takes me a hostage
I need to grow wings.

β€”

You might feel lost yet don’t get lazed. Open your eyes. This is not that maze maze. It is just an abandoned garden where trees are growing high touching the sky blocking the sun ray, grasses are growing wild covering the paths disguising directions. Look! There is something blinking from afar. Follow it, it might be a star. Or at least there is something moving you out of where you are.

Firstly open eyes! Your cat is getting impatient to go for adventure. Don’t let it leave you. This cat is a precious traveling companion indeed.

WAKE UP!!!

πŸ’

the cat is reading the mind of fellow traveler whose eyelids have imprisoned one from a pretty autumn – wake up! live this dream! πŸ’

after morning prayer

Your Name

Your name, Beloved:
Air blanketing fragrant space,
Soil firming the stanceβ€”

β€”

Shakespeare said β€œWhat’s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.”

He isn’t wrong. Yet he isn’t always right.

I call a name when rain is sweetly pouring down, call another name when day is scorching too bright and hot….

Why is it easier to call your name than my own? Is your name so strongly rooted that only it I can remember when it rains? Is it your name or is it you that stays with me?

Oh you….

Oh your name….

Salaam.

is the flying butterfly not anymore the caterpillar greedily eating before sleeping? am I still the un-named baby born by my mother? πŸ’—

Blessing Clouds

Ten thousand of clouds
March to count the day to come
Of happy birthday!

β€”

πŸ’

rare lining clouds, I wonder what they are escorting with the wind ☁️ maybe a birthday gift? yay!

Sharpening

What are you, my love?
Keris, scissors, needle, knife?
Whichever, be sharp.

β€”

One young scholar once said β€œLet the old self of yours die, live as a renewed self every day and you will fall in love with yourself not because you feel more beautiful or better but because you know you are more and more authentic.”

Thank you!

keris luk 9 – in Javanese wisdom number 9 is spiritually associated with 9 doors of senses and desires in human being’s body (two ears, two eyes, two nostrils, mouth, genitalia and rectum) that should be cared for whatever is fed in and discharged; in this wisdom those succeeding to responsibly manage the 9 will be granted good life physically, mentally and spiritually – πŸ‘πŸΌ this keris luk 9 is usually favoured and owned as a sacred symbol by traditional Javanese who wants to focus on keeping one’s 9 doors of senses/desires responsibly managed

Sweet!

Peaceful, Beloved,
Sitting remembering you
In this sweet silenceβ€”

β€”

Sometimes just don’t get it why Japanese is like that but now accepting it as it is a culture with which a nation is built and shaped based on nature and history; like a Korean being a Korean, a Javanese being a Javanese, an English being an English, a Vietnamese being a Vietnamese, etc. As long as it doesn’t disturb loyalty and integrity, it’s ok. πŸ₯°

Komoro, Japan: it was my first time seeing things were for sale but no seller was present, buyers just put the money in an open box for what was taken; in my country some people would probably take more than what they pay πŸ€“
it looks not so pretty, but trust me these roses were super duper sweetly fragrant! missing Komoro but I know I will only go there next year – the most β€œulu-ulu” place I visited in Japan 😍

An Artist

Artist, Beloved,
Proportional and perfect?
No. Flowing riverβ€”

β€”

When someone is so much a master of something that no labels or names of techniques are needed to pinpoint what s/he’s doing to perfect completion, s/he be an artist.

When will this human being be the artist of her own life? At least the artist of her own breathing…. It takes not only talent for her to become an artist, maybe she needs courage to be wrongly perceived! Maybe she should be at least misunderstood that she seldom breathes right?

😁

Salaam.

saw this artist drawing in Louvre Museum, at that time I didn’t even think it was possible as I didn’t even draw a flower nicely; it would be a shame if people saw my ugly drawing 😁 next visit I’ll do it although I still don’t draw flowers nicely😍

Ruined Through History

Forbidden city not.
Imaginary power
Ruined through historyβ€”

β€”

What’s built on weak foundation will collapse. Lies, betrayal, tyranny, iniquity adorn the strong marble slabs and zhennan wood logs, remembered through time.

Life is undeniably karmic: what is sown is what is reaped.

So satisfying to see time reveals the truth!

Salaam.

part of the Forbidden City – Beijing gave me an extraordinary time of legal short course, first snow flake of my life + of that winter and debris of horrible history πŸ‘πŸΌ

Self Discovery (ranting)

Point zero, my love
Here now, unshakeable ground
After the earthquakesβ€”

β€”

I’ve been a full time thinker for the past one week…. Thanks to the physical weakness brought by the virus! πŸ₯° And here is the ranting abridged πŸ™ƒ

Life has always suggested me to walk through places where paradoxical situations exist and has made me weigh what life path should be chosen. Luckily life has always sent me angels (fallen angels included πŸ˜„) who remind me that life isn’t only about exploiting what’s considered lucrative and physically pleasant; it’s also about exploring what’s wising-up and spiritually enriching.

When I was young; books, courses, lectures, workshops were kind of β€œsubscription” I had to shape a level of mental toughness. Yet there was exhaustion and anti-climax for intensity every now and then (good deed included πŸ˜„). Losing faith, difficulty to trust human beings and skepticism to almost everything triggered me to deconstruct my own mindset.

Another β€œpoint zero” came and brought a decision to take a course inspired by one friend named Eva (not one of my close friends but she is definitely one trusted human being). I promised to myself that this would be my LAST course to finally be unshakeable me.

I flew to Edinburgh and was driven from the airport to a place called Chisholme House by Mr Brix who became an excellent opening of my self re-discovery. He introduced me to the richness of self re-discovery even before the course started. That was when I felt so lucky to have read Ibn Arabi, Rumi and English literature although not extensively and to have learnt Javanese wisdom that is considered β€œlocal” by many of my friends (which I always disagree) as Mr Brix’ languages were using all those keywords in the repertoire from my literature reading and cultural wisdom. Indeed Mr Brix was a β€œgate” welcoming me to a true friendship or fellowship bonded by humanity.

The course was simply daily schedules for us to an experiencing life or β€œhuman beings who work” β€” physically, mentally, spiritually, socially in connection with their own self, other human beings and nature. Of course the classes was the superb! Collins, Hiroko and Aaron were excellent facilitators and to me they are role models of ordinary yet impressive human being! Collins was a loving husband and father cum the best administrator. Hiroko was a loving mother and wife cum an excellent painter! Aaron was an excellent chef cum wise philosopher! πŸ’

It was so normal a life that I felt so blessed. We woke up in the morning then took a bath or at least took ablution. We started the day with a group meditation β€” everyone: the course participants, kitchen staffs, office staffs, garden staffs, etc except those who overslept. Then we had breakfast β€” English breakfast! After that we started the class; the staffs started their duties. After that we had tea break then WORK! Work meant doing the assigned chores (garden, kitchen, house, laundry). After that class again then English lunch! Then lunch break for one hour. Class again. Mediation again. Work again. Afternoon tea. Personal time (we could go to the hill, forest, sleep, talk to staffs or participants, whatever). English dinner. Discussion time. Free time. Sleep…. Repeat.

Completing the β€œself re-discovery”, I found that life is like riding bicycle, balancing while moving. I lose, I win. I fall in love, I break heart. I get sick, I get cured. I trust, I distrust. I think, I feel. I work, I take a rest.

Balancing is about knowing the limit. I lose against someone/something but I gain wisdom. I fall in love at the same time I have to accept the unpredictable responses. I get sick then I will be cured. I trust with or without reasoning yet can also distrust because of the true or false reasoning. I think based on logic yet when logic doesn’t count, only feeling of acceptance will neutralise the situation. And, when I am tired, I should take time-out. Just like that!

And I actually graduated with flying colours from many β€œextra” lessons: doing laundry, washing dishes, house keeping, potato harvesting, making bread, cooking English lunch, preparing dining table, raking dry leaves, going up and down the hills in the rain, walking in the moorland, listening to silence, listening to others’ opinions, identifying and recognising true intelligent people, trusting the right people at the right time in the right place, respecting stupid idiot (myself included πŸ˜‚), taking a bath in the cold morning, and more and more!

And yes, that was the last course in my life. Ordinary yet impressive, like what I always want myself to be to and for those having in touch with me.

I want to be back there not as a participant but as a guest in the English breakfast or lunch bringing a best friend who deserves an ordinary yet impressive life.

…. πŸ’•

Thanks for today! 😴

Salaam…

β€”

farmhouse where participants and volunteers slept during the β€œSelf Discovery” in Chisholme Institute (there are male house, female house and couple wing) – missing the place and good friends there πŸ’
the main house where we meditate, contemplate, brainstorm, do household chores, enjoy meal and good company during the β€œSelf Discovery”
β€˜The Monument to Man”: this place is one of reminders for me to stay on this track: a track where life abundance isn’t always represented by or captured through social high class and luxury show off – β€˜ve lived among those with abundance yet humbly bowing to the underprivileged – thank you for this decent life πŸŽ€
hi, Edinburgh! I’m sure I’ll be back πŸ₯° next time with someone I love with heart and soul 😘

Torii

Torii, Beloved,
Opening from here to here
To be entered nowβ€”

β€”

I’ll always make tomorrow morning inevitable in life like a torii that connects here now and another here now. These happy steps are walking from torii to torii, with another pair of steps inevitably aligning with me.

Salaam.

πŸ’

torii from pp #31 of James Norbury’s β€œBig Panda and Tiny Dragon”

Negation Is (Now) Good

Negative, Beloved,
New paradigm that builds life;
Breathing is blessings.

β€”

I thought that virus was reluctant to approach me until that funny doctor said bitterly to me last week β€œThe Gov will SMS directly to you but these sudden symptoms give me a hint. Take care.”

After some inconsistent (+) and (-), being a lethargic patient (the virus pulled all muscles down) and a slow thinker (MZ sent me a confusing email of mine) of home quarantine, I’m back to my own self!

Thanks for toning this pride down. I was not that healthy.

Thanks for curing me. I’m dependent on You.

πŸ’

hey, Mr Sun! I wanna go out everyday just like you if the next is (-) once more!

Nowhere (good memory)

Nowhere, Beloved,
To depart. Wait for next train.
Look around and pray.

β€”

Checking my old photos, I saw an almost forgotten one. A station that was giving me the most alarming experience in that trip.

Back in April 2017 I was in a solo travel for 20 days in EU region when the train from Lyon left me no choice but changing train in Bourg-en-Bresse. It was rainy and windy, almost 5pm local time, some passengers got off with me but all of them went out of the station (perhaps to go home) and only I stayed to wait for the next train at 7:15pm.

For almost 45 minutes and no one was coming. A group of young men entered the other side of the railway. They sounded chatting and giggling. I tried to avoid looking at them. It was my first time feeling insecure in the trip.

I continued reading my book (now pretending) as I felt so uneasy with the noise across the lines.

β€œHi! Lady!” I looked around. No woman but me. Damn! They called me.

I didn’t say anything, my eyes looked back to my book.

β€œHi! Hi!” Don’t say anything, Rike. Don’t look at them. My left hand slowly moved down to my Swiss knife in the inner pocket of the jacket.

Only prayer in heart and some strategies that were taught by my brothers on how to use the Swiss knife and simple kicks to defend myself from bad guys.

β€œLady!” They shouted at me more loudly after some time.

β€œLady!” The guys laughed out loud among their French words. I saw them waved their hands to me. They whistled at me. I wondered why no one was here but those guys. In my country there are always many people selling things around railway station. There are always tricycle riders moving around.

When those guys got even merrier and happier, I saw a shadow moved the tall doors behind the guys.

A tall black lady drew a trunk and went across line 1 to line 2 and to line 3 where I was almost ready to hurt any of the guys if they approached me.

The guys stopped their noise. The lady walked towards me.

I didn’t feel better. This lady could stop the guys’ laughters and whistles, she must have been able to do stronger thing than that including killing meβ€” I had to be alert!

β€œHi! Going to Geneva?” A soft voice greeted me.

β€œHi! Ya! Are you?”

β€œYes! The train will arrive soon.”

β€œThanks God!”

β€œNo, it is just the schedule.”

😁

We eventually were sitting in the same cart. She was working in the UN headquarters and traveled back from personal leave. She said I was lucky to take this train, not later one that might have made me encounter with more men in the station unluckily often drunk.

β€œThanks God!β€œ

β€œNo, you just need to choose the right timing.”

😁

I almost forgot that I met this smart wise tough lady. Wherever you are, Madam, I wish you good luck! Thank you for saving me with your timeliness.

Salaam.

Bourg-en-Bresse station

Clay Jar

Broken clay jar, Love,
A love letter torn apart.
Message of a heartβ€”

β€”

How broken you are, I will always love and respect you as a clay jar that records history and memory, in the hands of an ignorant they become waste and rubbish, in the hands of wise lessons and wisdom.

I’ll take your broken clay jar to kintsugi craftsmen in near future trip just in case they can also repair broken clay jar. 🀭

Otherwise, I’ll keep it in my mini cabinet of curiosity to be a reminder that a heart is so fragile or so broken and so worth handling with care.

Salam…. πŸ™πŸΌ

RC Gorman’s

Journey

Journey, Beloved,
Counting every blessed milestone;
Deletion of doubtsβ€”

β€”

My personal definition of Australia: where beer is consumed more than water. It might be wrong to others but that was what I saw with these very eyes with no doubt. 😎

hello, Sydney. when will I see you again?