graphs of my Universe
Treasure, Beloved,
Hidden, might not be found
Without accident—-
————————————————————
Look at your mistakes, Self. Sometimes they bring you the more precious.
Thanks for buying the rib while it should have been ox tail. But it turned out to be a better yum than ever imagined!
And so is mistake in life!
Makaaan!
You are, Beloved,
A complete self who finds new
Self one at a time.
————————————————————
A philosopher once said that change is the only constant and others agreed with the statement. When we see change as tangibility yes, I totally agree.
Yet about growth of self I have my own comprehension. Do I change? Yes, I get thinner or fatter, older with wrinkles and lines not younger, slower, weaker physically, less sharp sight, and so on and so forth. So I change? No, I’m still the same person with the same DNA, family, date of birth, place of birth, or other possible constants.
Not only that….
I believe I’m always this full yet I discover this self more and more everyday. With deeper and deeper understanding, wider and wider disclosure I have lived and accepted life.
Personally everyone is granted with talents, DNA, family, date of birth, place of birth. No one can deny those. No one can escape even one hates those and wishes to have been born someone else. Sorry, you can’t! Embrace the personality.
Yet everyone is given opportunity to build identity.
What did I want myself to be?
What did I not want to be associated with?
How did I want others to perceive me?
How did I not want others to treat me?
What?
How?
Whom do I want to enter my life?
Who will be part of my inner circle I want?
Whom?
Who?
Why have I done this and that? This is a very important question to even know the unbroken chains that has brought me to this state.
Am I still I am? Yes, definitely a constant! But am I me? No, you’re a different you since you’ve embraced constant self discovery.
😏
Me: Saturday night, keep me safe and warm.
Saturday night: You’ll be safe and warm if you finish your laundry and mop the floor. No one will do it!
Me: (losing all suddenly-pretending-to-be-wise act and thought)
Saturday night: 🤪 capek deh….!
May all beings be happy.
Time flies, Beloved
Wraps a flying plane. Bless me
At my travel end.
————————————————————
Finally met my Sensei again after some time! In June I took a break because of some sickness and work. In July and early August she did because she had to take care of her family who were infected with the virus.
We didn’t open the book at all last night. Only a happy reunion checking what had happened for the past 2.5 months without meeting just some hello via messaging. Conversation flew about language, culture and personal experience dealing with both.
At one point she interestingly described about pleasure and purpose that compose happiness.
She decided to retire from her position as a VIP in one of the biggest business empire in the world before she was 40. She knew that she could not work forever and she wanted her own self not her age to decide when she had to quit. She thought she was ready and here she is now, an independent woman with a lot of personal projects and teaching Japanese with a style!
When she worked, she did with all her heart. She didn’t involve herself in office politics that made her not a social darling but definitely made her a genuine and independent loyal. She made decision with wisdom and integrity that made her a leader-maker but at the same time a strong gate of ethics. And she shined in her own way!
A sun is a sun when it knows when it rises and sets. And my Sensei is one.
She said it was a pleasure to work in her position with much luxury but she left because she didn’t see the real purpose she was serving. She was rich but true happiness was missed. She moved out from her luxurious apartment in the heart of Jakarta and rent it out, and moved to her mother’s home – a home full with flowers and good neighbours in East Jakarta. She restarted balancing pleasure and purpose.
Pleasure makes someone’s life sustain but without purpose there is no true sustainability. When one outgrows the other, happiness tank isn’t optimised. Pleasure and purpose is also a blend of colours that creates a perfect hue.
When I said whether she was afraid of losing the grip for having no routine, she said yes for the first two months of her early retirement; she felt somewhat regret of giving up the corporate vibe. She felt like cutting herself off from the world. In those two months she just went out eating, driving, cleaning the house. And after that her life started to bloom in different ways.
She found many more opportunities that she didn’t even know existing. And she is still rich with more leisure time and true friends. She said life is miracle.
Before pandemic she often traveled to smaller islands in the archipelago as a volunteer and annually visited Japan as her old habit. She said she wants to continue that after the pandemic is over, when Heaven knows.
When I said I wish I could do it, she said no. She said what I’m doing is what she dreamt of in corporate life before: having the pleasure of working with purpose. Conversation went more even livelier, we skipped the Japanese lesson and shared about our dreams. A more interesting class!
Last night was one of the great time in life when the feeling of balance surrounds me.
It was 1:07am when we finally said good bye. See you next week, Sensei! Thanks for the lessons.
Life is full of Teachers. Learn from them. But don’t forget the Master in you, live with one with love.
May all beings be happy.
I want to want
I want to not want
I don’t want to want
I don’t want to not want
Which one am I now?
————————————————————
As long as I’m human being, I won’t be able to deny the want and not want. It’s not the verb, it’s the subject. A complication of thinking!
I don’t want to love you but I want to free myself to love one staying in the heart. That’s perfection!
In fact the struggle seems like a perfect circle when two ends collides: things don’t always happen as expected. Then what appears is that the simplicity of acceptance is above perception.
Simplicity is the crown of perfection. 💝
Alhamdulillah….
Good vibes, Beloved,
Contagious and precious
Keep it the longest.
—————————————————————————————————-
Years ago….. One teacher said “You do whatever you want to, but make sure what you do doesn’t harm….” Impatiently student asked,”Harmful to whom?” Teacher didn’t say anything, just pointed to one’s chest then head, and said “Go play and don’t harm yourself or your friends. Have fun, you’re good. You’re good, my child,”
Another teacher would just sang some traditional songs then explained the meaning that were full of wisdom when asked questions. Those silly children would ask so many questions about why religions were many and different, how many gods were there, why the teacher didn’t have religion, why, why, why…..
Another teacher just asked us to eat what one was cooking when we asked questions. We just did and enjoyed the food. It happened when our questions were about what Mr A or Mrs B did this and that for.
More teachers, more experiences…. And we all grew up becoming human beings who approach different things differently or sometimes uniquely although sometimes confusedly. How challenging life is sometimes!
All those learnings happened in the Wonderland! I hope the young get honourable and good teachers as we did before and even better so they build our land into real wonder! Not the most developed in infrastructure, yet with the most developed clear thinking. Not the most modern, yet the most dignified. Not the richest, yet the most caring and loving to the people. What a dream!
God bless my dear Indonesia and what’s in it. 💝
Laughing, Beloved,
Throwing up positive vibes,
Burning some sadness,
Growing positivity—
We can do it everyday.
————————————————————
What can I do constantly in life but laughing? How funny this life is! How ironic life is! How entertaining life is! How fun life is! How miserable life is! How mysterious life is! How enjoyable life is! Laughing takes all, just try to improvise the laughing style to suit each situation.
A friend called and the topic of most of my chats are stupid things. This time we laughed at how funny emotional rollercoaster is. Sometimes she feels that she is at the peak of consciousness and that’s why she feels so calm and peaceful until someone sends her a picture or tags her in a social media posting then she realises that calmness explodes to buried anger.
I can’t even remember what made us burst into laughter from one story to another. We just thought sadness is sometimes funnier than happiness. Or maybe we simply think happiness is able to materialise itself into any form.
I always love to laugh. Maybe I was a kookaburra bird in one of my past life if I had one. Oooh how I miss Australia! 🦘
Salaam…. 😏
Freedom, Beloved,
Inner beauty blooms in time.
True celebration—
————————————————————
Celebration is a blessings enjoyed everyday. Celebrating health. Celebrating welfare. Celebrating family. Celebrating friendship. Celebrating breath. Celebrating greenery…… Celebrating anything I want to celebrate.
Celebrating stupid chats with some good friends. 😁
I love celebration in which commemoration is the core but never ever enjoy party in which entertainment is the core.
August is major celebration after September. In August two home countries celebrate their independence: Indonesia on 17, Singapura on 9. Both have unique ways to celebrate the days. For the past nine years on Singapura’s I’ve personally loved seeing all the flags hanging in apartments and along streets, in Indonesia’s except last and this years I’ve gone to the Embassy for flag ceremony combined with meeting with other Indonesians enjoying the precious moment together.
Happy National Day, Singapura! Thanks for taking care of me.
Dirgahayu Indonesiaku! How much ever the distance between us, you’re always in this heart. Thanks for gushing me some blood of great archipelago.
May all beings be happy.
flowers for celebrations of August
red, white on green
Dogma, Beloved,
The least she can hold in life.
She is full of quests.
————————————————————
What human beings should think of being sick is it is a tool materialised by Life to make them stop or at least slow down especially from analysing every single thing. Yet human beings often forget that blessing should not be always gift-wrapped in fancy paper with ribbons; it might be sometimes humbly bundled in a sack.
Blimey! Why do I have so many sacks? And poorly unable to untie them successfully 😎
May all beings be happy.
Regret, Beloved,
People judged by their mistakes—
There’s always a chance.
———————————————————-
At the tip of a finger, a chance can change a future with one condition: right place, right time. There’s always a chance, new one.
May all beings be happy.
fingertip on the top of stone monument – see you again 🌝
Secret, Beloved
Ice cube waiting for warm touch—
Melts and flows: a stream
Of messages from the heart.
Read or heard of. Clean and clear—
———————————————————
No secret, it’s exposure or disclosure in the right place at the right time. I believe life is somewhat designed WYSIWYG for those willing to see life as it is. What you see (should be) is what you get.
Private is about level of security one is living. One day things will be exposed and forgiven or glorified.
Confidential is about secret recipe. One day things will get disclosed and comprehended and copied.
As simple as that. I’ve got no secret hidden. It is just about time for you to know. Either you’ll hate me or hate yourself; OR love me or love yourself for knowing “the secrets”.
May all beings be happy.
Clear sight, Beloved,
Right, clean lens at the right time—
Can you see her through?
————————————————————
The older I am getting, the worse this eyesight is growing. Just last week I decided to buy reading spectacles because of so many errors in identifying tenten (double apostrophe) and maru (circle), two grammatical markers added to hiragana and katakana characters especially that affect minimal pair of voices /p/ and /b/.
It’s fine, at least I can see myself clearer. Liking it or not, it’s me. 😘
May all beings be happy.
Chaos, Beloved,
Gives orders to those seeking
Constellations.
——————————————————-
Dear Self,
With little “light pollution” we can look up to the sky and see millions of stars blinking to us. Small and big, dim and bright, near and distant, at one glance they seem like dots of sands spread on the floor – messy and scattered. Yet after these eyes get used to the focal points, there are patterns. With these constellations our ancestors read directions and made decisions whether they were going sailing, whatever they were growing or what nature would present soon.
There is sky within ourselves where we can stare up seeking clusters of stars, gleaming dots and glowing patches in the darkest of the mind. The chaotic mind isn’t necessarily bad. The mind is simply rolling out all memories to see or listen to or touch or taste or smell in order to find the messages and directions of what to do and where to go.
It takes a bit of silence for a while to realise that the crowded mind is full with clusters of messages and hidden wisdom. It takes a minute or two to calm down the helter-skelter on the day. It simply takes a short focus on the breathing to do it.
That simple, Self. That simple, that a few believe it works.
Salaam….
About Cygnus: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cygnus_(constellation)
This love, Beloved,
Can’t buy your life. It’s too small,
A library card
To borrow books full of clues
With which the path is open.
This path, Beloved,
Stands arched, meeting at both ends,
Leaving colour dusts.
————————————————————
Many words can’t explain the emotions experienced by human beings and what come out are symbolical beauty and serenity. For those who don’t like language will mostly get bored and or get misled with the real message.
That simply shows language is a great tool to communicate the idea and emotions yet what should always be remembered is that there are intrinsic and extrinsic factor to comprehend messages. Life isn’t WYSIWYG-based program to some extent.
At the end of the day it is about how I activate the radar through all senses to read messages around me.
Sometimes it is ok to misunderstand, but try best not to misunderstand 1 plus 1 equals 2 in basic Algebra.
Salaam.
unique
Magic, Beloved,
Not just spells. It’s click and twist
Within time and space.
————————————————————
I thought magic was a split second materialisation of what were wished. Years ago I believed that The Most Powerful would make things in just a blink of an eye. With millions of disclosure and exposure, magical things have become something natural. Everything can be interpreted as miracle as much as it can be considered ordinary.
Magic is a mechanisation in the universe in which processes and timelines cannot be denied. Sooner or later….
May all beings be happy.
Setting
Numbers, Beloved
Symbols of the countable
Your blessings and grace
*
or the uncountable, the countless if we are not capable of it
————————————————————
A friend —not close— changed her Instagram account name, it now includes 333. She’s fond of recurring sequential numbers especially 333, 3333, etc. She’s posted tons of photos of her treasured 333 or 3333 found in bank notes, amount of money in her book keeping (she is a finance manager), vehicle plate numbers, coffee shop bills, receipts, time in her mobile phone, everything and anything with 333 or more. Angelic number. Angka cantik!
When I asked her why she likes 3333, she said that when she first joined a community called “1111”, 333 was the first angelic number she met so since then she’s fallen in love with 333.
How simply Life makes someone connect with one’s self!
When I said to her that recently I’ve seen 1111, she said it is a wake up call. I asked for what? She said maybe my guardian angel is blahblahblah.
Didn’t tell her that 1111 is often visible because ComfortDelgro taxi is my preferred taxi, whose phone number is 65521111 painted on the car body. Hailing it, I see 1111. Sitting in it, I see 1111. In the apps, I see 1111. 😁
But hey! Subconsciously I pay more attention on twin numbers now. Aside from Citycab’s 1111, 65558888 is SMRT taxi, 65553333 is Trans Cab (should send it to her), etc…. Almost all taxi fleets in Singapore are angelic. Aww!
Ok, back to 1111. Maybe the angel is trying to tell me “one, one, one, one” in other words “take a deep breath, one at a time”. Yes! Now I believe in 1111 as a message. So simple!
Salaam….
What’s prime number, Love?
Itself and one can divide.
Most intimate love—
—————————————————————
It’s just me and the one.
The one that I’ve always missed with no reason. The one that I’ve perceived but not perceivable. The one that I’ve missed and travelled for but nowhere to find. The one that I’ve felt so intimate but so distant. The one that I’ve cried for but making me smile. The one that I’ve been peaceful with but breaking my heart.
You’re a prime number, Self, one that is greater than one and can only be divided by one and itself. The rest is excluded.
What prime number are you?
Salam…. 💝
Words don’t end as words.
They wait for context to be:
Fact? Opinion?
————————————————————
Why should be afraid of using precise words —gathered in a context— clear context of statement, question, request or exclamation if it is to positively convey a message and/or to get expected responses?
I found some people are shy if not afraid of conveying messages because of unsuccessful experiences of getting the messages passed on to the others clearly. They thought the failure was purely theirs. No, not at all!
Know, Self that some people don’t have the tools to comprehend certain messages; it can be because of limitation of language, intelligence, culture, perception, intention, name it…. In fact some others simply don’t want to listen.
When the message isn’t well comprehended, an equivalent response most probably will be delivered, which is unpleasant and/or unclear one.
It is not nice to fail in communication. Only true learners never give up trying. 👍🏽
Communication is about intention as intrinsic factor (make sure it is good) and skill as extrinsic. Both take time to be mature. Yet, in whatever stage of maturity both don’t always collaborate at times.
Hell yeah! I’m talking about myself! Next time better, much better than today’s me.
May all beings be happy.
A horse is running
In a round. To win it not;
To serve the master—
————————————————————————————————
Am I the horse or the master?
If the horse, do I know enough who is my master so that I don’t just gallop whenever anyone other than the master whips me.
If the master, do I know enough how to appropriately engage with the horse and whether or not the horse has endurance for certain round either race or equestrian.
More importantly do I know what’s a horse and what’s a master?
May all beings be happy.
Magic, Beloved,
Scented, shaped, coloured. Travelled
By sea, land and air—
————————————————————
There are many choices of flowers and leaves imported from Down Under recently. Protea, leucadendron, silver bell eucalyptus pods, Geraldton wax flower, eryngium big blue, eucalyptus leaves, etc appear in the flower shop.
As they don’t come every month like roses, chrysanthemum and spider lily, I grabbed them fast. Greedy? Please don’t. Let’s call it excited. 😌
These flowers and leaves prove to be not only pretty but also aromatically medicative. Imagine working breathing eucalyptus for at least one week. Ya, they last longer than roses, chrysanthemum and spider lily.
I think I’ve received a lot of blessing and healing through travelling, flowers and food most time of life, particularly recently. There is nothing better to thank but breathing deeply and chewing slowly with all heart and soul.
If not because of being blessed and loved, what else are we given all these?
Sending blessings and love across the ocean to the one dearly loved. 💝
May all beings be happy.
A vase, Beloved
In which two seasons meet up;
Two sides of beauty—
—————————————————
Some flowers last longer in a vase, others stay shorter. They glorify seasons and gratify life spans differently. Here some flowers come together in a vase and enjoy the life together, decorating a corner some time away from the roots.
How would I not thank for all faces of beauty?
Live longer and enjoy the colourful life in this melting pot, dear Self. All is well. All is beautiful.
May all beings be happy.
It takes basic skill
To be happy and peaceful.
Folding paper rice—
——————————————————-
Another Vietnamese cuisine came for brunch! 🍴
Thought it would be easy and fast to fold rice paper to wrap some veggies and meat. Thought it would take only basic skill of folding paper like making origami heart.
Yes, it is pre-basic skill of folding the paper yet the skill to control what’s inside the heart is not that basic. The intention to fold tidily and the urge of immediately eating nice food collided hard just because of a thin layer of helpless wet rice paper. It felt like now or never. Drama! 😂
Today’s target of eating 5 wraps didn’t happen. The rest of the filling became a bowl of salad.
Sorry, dearest paper rice. I failed you. No, no! 3 of 5 is 60%, more than 50% means winning in democracy. 😂
Next time better! 💝
Freedom, Beloved
Is gauging limitation.
How low can you go?
How high can you fly? How long?
Life’s integrated limits.
————————————————————
There is always the next level of things. Perfection? Some say yes. Some say it is freedom, up to self, don’t care about others, want more, and everything.
No one can stop one except one’s self.
Is the end the limit? Not sure; yet it must be sun and moon the cycles integrate.
Beloved, if you allow, let me just be better than my own self before. Nothing more, nothing less.
May all beings be happy. 💝
Night blankets sweet dreams,
Lullabies and keeps them safe
Until morning comes
To reap every grain dreams yield.
Dreams, soar high and come back true.
————————————————————
Dream sweet and wake up true.
May all beings now be peacefully sleepy…. 😊
Swaying gently down,
Feather falls off from the wings
Flapping. Angel smiles.
——————————————————————————————————
I used to pick up feathers met on the way to school, office, home, everywhere. Feathers have been good signs to me for years. There has been a feeling of being protected.
Superstition? I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not.
Now? Still believing that feather present is the presence of protection, but I stopped hoarding. Just look at the feathers, pray for protection and greet the guardian angels, and walk on with a bunch of blessings.
May all beings be happy.
🪶
There’s a space to read
A message…. Deciphered, it
Will turn to insights.
——————————————————
Of sun of the day,
Of moon of the night, it comes
The sense of language—
———————————————————-
No, it is not a story of a human with a name. It is a journey of eternal flame.
Opening page by page, the last page is not an epilogue. It is a prologue of another story.
Beloved, are you a book or a library?
It doesn’t matter, just read.
May all beings be happy.
You are you thats you
The you thats not you the you
I think is you Who
—————————————————
There are so many yous in you You through a complex prism is able to compel one to sign an everlasting contract with no terms and conditions but saying yes to all of you
Your signature is a punctuation while mine is a dragged line called names
Youre that important that history of alphabet puts you as a technology that moves meaning
Punctuation is you
May all beings be happy
Listen, Beloved
To one softest voice inside.
Whisper of the far—
—————————————————-
This person said what sounds crispy yummy and cracks a door inside, resonating what’s the heart has believed for ages. He might be right. He might be…. Or not.
Will Smith has never failed me. He’s never…. Or not yet.
Weekend pulls me to herd immunity with love…. Or not.
Always about love. Always…. Or not.
💝
Indeed, Beloved
Whatever’s left by the rain
Is good memory.
Each water droplet saves it;
Plays its melody sweetly.
——————————————————
I wish I could read your mind, borrow some of the words and insert them into a unique story.
An everlasting wish….
💝
Journey, Beloved
Is wonderful flow and hike.
What a bright sunshine!
—————————————————
Welcome, July. Please be kind like how a good sister treats me.
Happy birthday, dear sis…. 💞
rike jokanan 
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