Colours, hues, shades, tints In a garden strike the eyes Wandering within.
—
I am on an emergency short leave to visit my mother as my mother is sick. A sister called saying “she doesn’t want to eat”, “she can’t sleep well”, “she doesn’t want to visit her doctor”, “she thinks it is her time”, blahblahblah…. Alamak! Although sometimes we think she can be a drama queen, we start to think seriously when she can’t sleep well.
The second day of my visit she already watered her plants that line along my sister’s narrow garden. She sang along while walking in her house. She ate one big chunk of fast food’s fried chicken that my nephews insisted taken away for her. She has been back to her nature after meeting her children and grandchildren whom she missed who are now laughing with her at every breakfast, lunch and dinner time.
This morning she happily greeted the newspaper lady delivering her favourite “Jawa Pos”, the lady said “good morning, Ibu, you look radiant again”. She also had a short chat with her front neighbour about rain, cats and plants.
I think sometimes you just need to meet someone to be healthy. 💗
Yesterday morning I joined her watering the plants and took pictures of some of the blooms that have always made us all smile.
Salaam.
java tea — we call it “kumis kucing” here
jasmine sambac, everlasting fragrance — her favourite
zinnia, the humble beauty
white bougainvillea, the tough beauty
orchids at the left side of the gate — “your sister is a good gardener, she has made your orchids happily bloom!” she said
It is easy to say “that I should love all”; yet it is not that easy as to finally love easily in life as it takes a long process, including to understand what love is, how to express the love, to whom I should express it, how much love I should share, etc before it becomes my commitment to love.
To me everyday is love day, no matter how much love I can feel flowing in my veins. Today several love wishes came from some friends. Good to share with more people.
Dear, day. Do you know that I never stop waiting for you? When my watch ticks a second, My heart drips a note, My pulse vibrates softly, I know I am closer to you.
Dear, day. Do you know that every part of you blesses me? When morning breaks, Noon flares, Dusk fades to night, I know the next you is waiting For me.
Day oh day Many I can’t understand, Much I can’t decipher, Little I can see, Very few I can give Yet I still hope To meet you again.
Dear, day. How I am blessed with family, Gifted with friends, Sufficed with this self, You are still the one Sung by this heart. Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday All have been today And never faded away.
I am blessed, day With another you In the best way.
And for you I am grateful.
—
as dark as serene night
as shadowy as calm dusk
as bright as each and every morning
she is well protected under the shade of glorious sunflowers 💝
dear sunflower 💕
and the white drops of details
when all glass vases are prioritised for orchid roots, fondue pot be today’s best choice 💝
all must be got rid of in order for the flower arrangement to get a spacious and “clean” background — there is always thing to prioritise; if it is not you, don’t feel bad — it’s just like that everyday so just be blessed with becoming either 0 or 1 in this binary world 💕
This life is a library Keeping all collections, Reference to public, Exclusive to a lover, One lover. The Beloved—
Read, Beloved Any scrolls In this library.
Read, Lover The diaries In the secret dungeon.
Read, Beloved With naked eyes, or With any glasses on the shelves.
Read, Lover Through letters and numbers, Shapes and colours.
Read, Beloved This library is open As long as you are awake.
Read, Lover Before you sleep When I’ll be reading you through.
—
my earlier diaries are true stories through naked eyes; the later are colours, shapes, numbers, words in various styles and figures of speech needing some tricks and tips to sense layers of meanings and information — we are all writers, librarians and readers 💝
The wings are flapping sprinkling blessings through the air. Breathe them. Be blissful.
—
In Arabic angel is called malaaikatun or malaaikah or simply malaaikat (الْمَلٰٓئِكَةِ) literally meaning “power that governs”. In Islamic tradition the “power that governs” are grouped based on what type of assigned power they govern that are many and one of them is “power to govern protection”.
I always believe I am fully protected through the existence of the angels surrounding me although I am not interested to discuss about their form; people say angels have wings, others say they are made from light, some say malaaikah are systemic laws to run the universe, and so on and so forth. It doesn’t matter to me. That they exist and follow the assigned “power to govern” is enough for me.
Only when we listen, we will hear. We will hear the songs of the angels, the songs of universe, the songs of the heart, the songs of the soul. I prefer my angels to sing jazzy songs in this end of long weekend. 😁
Listening to heart…. 💗
Salaam.
‘ve met feathers almost everywhere walking recently; i took it as a sign that protection is everywhere and decided to always wear this silver pendant this year as an appreciation of the protection — thank you for the protection
Romance is a dimmed space under a dome bedazzled with glowing stars.
—
dear glowing stars, let’s celebrate this light warm heart…. dear clean sky, keep being a space for this light warm heart…. dear centred earth, hug this light warm heart in a serene mood forever
A stroke of a brush is how universe started. A surprise that lasts—
—
Certain friend is good at the same time destroyer of mood. I have one who can leave me“ouch ouch ouch oooouuuuch” for at least one week. This person loves ouching friends as an ice breaker but to some of us he has made it to the next level. This time he ouched me romantically, the worst of all my ouch experience from him. Call one “ouch caller”.
OC: Ready for a forced holiday? Have fun! Don’t work every night, just every two nights.
Me: (1st ouch) Hmmm ok, Sir.
…. Blah blah blah
OC: How is your romance? Get rid of him. He doesn’t even care about you. Don’t be stupid. You are not a door mat.
Me: (2nd ouch)
OC: What type of man do you want? Am I not good enough?
Me: (3rd ouch, but I have to say something) Hey, hey! Not a good time to talk about romance. Painting here and don’t want to lose vibe in the head.
OC: Tell me then. Handsome? Healthy? Rich? Hard working? I… Am… Everything!
Me: (Laughing like crazy as this person was very right about himself) Are you a sales person of your own product?
OC: Yes! And I’ve been selling my quality to you for the past how long with no buy in. You’re getting older and older.
Me: (OUCH OUCH OUCH) Ok, ok. I have to explain. I want someone whom I can be comfortable being with even when both of us don’t like the same things. Can you, Mr Cruel Oucher?
OC: What! Of course not! When I go to party, you have to go to party with me. When I go to the gym, you have to go with me. When I cook, you have to cook all what I want. Blah blah blah…. You have to do what I like to do! If necessary you should give up what you like to like what I like.
Me: (Still couldn’t stop laughing) You are not. You are not that right person. You are just my ouch person.
OC: Is he still that person?
Me: Yes.
The next is the most ouched one but probably the most accurate to describe a fact.
OC: Then you have thin hope, thin chance. Not compatible. You don’t even know how to party. You don’t even know how to drink except that weak wine. You don’t even know how to flirt. He might not like reading. He might not like art and literature and walking. He might not like biking. He might hate you singing. He might hate you writing. He might hate you touching your hair again and again. You are not his physical type of beauty. He might hate you with your job. He might hate you being honest and independent. He just doesn’t like you as you. Oh! So relief I could say all these finally.
Me: (OUCH OUCH OUCH OOOOUUUUCH and this will last long) You’re right. Very right. Time to stop your ouches, Sir.
OC: Then you still say no to me?
Me: (Mild ouchbut I got impatient) You? I can’t tolerate a die hard nerd like you. You cook better than women. You manage money too well; you are stingy! You love your nephews and nieces more than anyone else, you won’t care about me. You work too hard. You eat too much healthy food, I love deep fried. You ouch people too much. Listen. Don’t call me just to ouch me.
OC: Ok, ok. How are you?
Me: Fine.
OC: Broken heart still?
Me: (ouch) Not really, just a bruise and scratch. Will get over it soon.
OC: It will be gone. For you not too soon though because you are not intelligent in romance. Be patient with yourself. (He was calming and that is when everyone likes him, a calm nice guy — unfortunately came too late after too many ouches happened.) Describe how you think about that person and let’s start the real conversation of today.
Me: My universe
OC: I want to throw up! You imagine him as a Chris Martin? Hahaha!
Me: Never heard of him singing hahaha!
Then we started to chat without ouches for almost two hours — a very nice two hours. A good friend to me is that who ouches me but still makes me comfortable with her/his genuineness.
Thank you! 🤝
Chris Martin is My Universe 😁
Disclaimer: blogged with this ouch caller’s consent with one condition “no exaggeration” which is not accepted like he never said “I want to throw up” and never said that he is handsome and rich although he is rich but not handsome 😊
Life is a quarter With many doors to access. Ever rendezvous—
—
me, Mel the mother of groom and Choo photographed when we were having good time after the wedding matrimony 💝 souls meet for a good reason, no bad reason at all 😘
Love is not fading. Love is distancing away From shooting stars Hurting a peaceful land.
Dear, shooting stars. Dance. Fly. Free fall. Father of Sky will redirect you To another land who is willing to be hurt Or Simply re-orbit you to safer route.
—
Gaia is well protected from outer orbits by Jupe the Jupiter; sadly the children are damaging her – you are blessed, Mother Earth 💝
Thanks for the present. Good breathing and walking Unwrapped everyday—
—
thank you! it is said not a Christmas gift but there is a “Merry X’mas” on a card; thank you for the gift every year although I am not a Christian 💝😃i guess the boxes are all empty 😁
Smile, Beloved, smile. It’s a luxurious gift For you and for me.
—
I was checking my educational docs and was in awe to see my photos in each of different docs. How I am touched by physical transformation and what experiences attached to it, that makes me stay loyal with my own self whatsoever.
Tell yourself that your life is a journey that if you need buddy, you should pick those willing to share wonder. Otherwise, travel alone. 💝
Thank you!
💝
sleepy, angry, yet stop telling me to take a nap! 😂😂😂
classroom, my party time; playground, my party time, my childhood was everyday party! 👯♀️
no smile, no mercy 😃
length of hair defines how I treat the world; i love my pretty silly me! 😃
Journey to the self Takes a long and winding road, Worth doing. Half done—
—
Human beings’ journey to understand one’s self is often unpredictable. I never wanted to visit Mecca and Medina yet because of my devotion to a mother, I agreed to go to ensure that she was safe and healthy. And the result was tremendous evolution of self. 💝
To Ibu: I miss you much today 😘
Alfatihah
Masjid Nabawi (Mosque of Prophet) in Medina — where I started strongly realising that there is a journey —a silent one— that I must commit 💝 someday I’ll be back with a clearer mind and a calmer heart yet the same level of “disobedience” and stubbornness 😁
where I witnessed how a human being’s karma is overtly paid off and showing the quality of a person visiting this place – my mother is a humble, kind and very very generous person and in this place she was greeted by sooo many female pilgrims from other countries, requested to take picture together, given a looooooooooot of food every day, given space once arriving in the mosque (her friends in her group were not that much) – me? oh of course she introduced me as her daughter cum translator and then was included in all her blessings 😝
the only person who could move my heart to finally go – thank you, Ibu; might not be a happy ending for me but was a best start of a journey 💝
where my heart was knocked from inside that the journey is within and silent, a precious gift — the physical is a gift wrap to respect whomever we wish 💝 (Masjidil Haram, Mecca)
a life long pilgrimage of mine 💝 a private, silent, almost secretive so only I and whom I most love know the milestones 💗 others are guessing and interpreting 🙏🏼
Two love birds singing In a cage full of good food. A choice to a love—
—
Love is…. ?
Love is…. ?
Love is…. ?
Damn! I can’t define it except that it is sometimes misunderstood with lust.
That it is often symbolised with a heart shape. Maybe most human beings believe love comes from the heart. Hey! Is that really the shape of a heart? Or just how we agree that it is a shape of the heart?
That it is discussed everywhere but also wasted everywhere.
What I believe love is a verb not a noun so without action, it is muted sooner or later. At the same time love is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed so it is there and will be there, yet it can transform and/or transfer between subjects. Compatibility (chemistry), heat (intensity), motion (intension), what else can change the form of love? (oops forgetting all the physics learnt when younger)…. Anyway, it transforms and transfers (circulates can be another word) between (or among if circulated) human beings. So, accept it.
I believe love is about interest that human being cannot select voluntarily. It is a blessing at the same time a curse. it can be love between two love birds inseparable, or Tom and Jerry entertainingly cruel for either of two, or as cold as Antarctica.
I believe love is the core power generator of life that if removed, life will disappear. Never give up love. Broken heart is just a milestone that brings a human being to deeper and deeper understanding about him/herself. Broken because of a crush? Broken because of family? Broken because of friendship? Broken because of work? Broken because of world reality? A human being can always fix it gradually with anger, disappointment then acceptance. Just don’t be broken because of yourself – you are the most precious for yourself.
I believe that the way someone loves evolves through time, and it will suit the person’s intention never not. There should not be regret of what has happened because of love. Yet it is a regret that some people still choose to constantly send covert or overt humiliation and torture to hurt intentionally and/or to disrespect further to those they don’t love, while the best way should be forgiving or clearly declaring clear disagreement. War is one of them. Yet liked or not, that is the evolution of loving.
This weekend comes with a basket full of lessons learnt, a heap of ideas to pour as blessings in writings that I can re-read someday in the future.
Thank you, Love. You are never wasted.
Alfatihah to all whom I love.
a love locket with a pair of love birds seen in Bangkok airport – I could not resist its charm! now it is a daily friend to my T key love pendant
There’s only one way to leave a forest: its edge. Throw away the doubt.
—
life is too precious to play complicated games; take away unknown factors from the equation and find a home 🥰
Yogyakarta, a place I dream of being a home when all these muscles give up the hardship – maybe yes maybe no, my bothers said; I said again “at least I know it is now my home”
Manusia mengembarai langit Manusia menyusuri cakrawala Tidak untuk menguasainya Melainkan untuk menguji dirinya Apakah dia bertahan menjadi manusia, Tidak untuk hebat kuasa atau perkasa Melainkan untuk setia sebagai manusia.
(Emha Ainun Nadjib)
—
Good morning, Surabaya. You did a lot of moulding to this human being. Thank you!!! 💝
thank you 💝 for making me a human being; I won’t give up moulding this self to be loyal to being humane
There is a tall tree Greeting the sky with its green, The earth with its white.
—
There is only one choice left: grow! What’s grown within affects what’s grown without and the other way around — all in unison. Liking it or not, I grow as the sole way.
when feet are happily walking, eyes are happily observing 🥰
Good roots are strong roots Supporting those on the soil. They won’t be betrayed.
—
This trip is incredibly beautiful. Meeting best friends is more than anything. We talk. We laugh. We eat. We visit places. We engage with people.
One of my best friends who will be my neighbour in my humble abode is one of best human beings I’ve ever known. She lives to humbly serve humanity. She dedicates her life to help the underprivileged. She is so patient about what others do to her and always in understanding mode. She is so passionate in doing what she is doing to help others.
Among all her non profit projects that are my favourite is opening library in a small village that is functioning as youth center at the same time and supporting buruhgendong (traditional female labours who are paid to carry things either by sellers or buyers in Yogyakarta traditional markets, most of them are senior) in some traditional markets in Yogyakarta. If time allows me to live as long as I wish, our agreement is I will teach free classes of English, Japanese, leadership and management system in her youth center, while occasionally going with her from one market to another to greet the buruh gendong. Yet as an artist she is also teaching (mostly) women on how to make artistic products for sale to support themselves financially.
In this trip we discuss a lot about what we should do to ourselves and others but we can’t because of immovable blockages. We also talk about how we can feel good no matter bad a situation is. We talk about what will happen if the youth are not aware of what lies in their future at the same time we concern about how children around us get mature faster than we did before. And all always last long although with only a glass of tea, a cup of Javanese coffee and some pieces of local snack.
Life is too precious to focus on what doesn’t serve us good anymore. Life is too short to lament of any loss that is truly never loss. Life is too grand to just be sad of how that that we love disrespects us. Life is just too beautiful to consider what is not real.
So thankful for how real my best friends are in helping others. So thankful to be part of their spirit. So thankful that we are ordinary people in this grand life. So thankful that we are a grain of sand in the vast shore. So thankful that we accept who we are. So thankful that we are strong roots for each other.
Thank you, dear friend. It is good to always have a question “so what is our plan and action?” 💝
Deaccelerate, Accelerate on the road. Life is not a race.
—
Fasting is a very familiar way of life to Javanese. Called pasa or poso, fasting in Javanese culture is always related to the effort to self align. Many Javanese like doing fasting with or without meditation (tapabrata or topobroto) depending on their commitment.
While Javanese Muslim do at least one month of fasting per year in Ramadhan, fasting in Javanese culture itself came even much earlier before Islam was introduced. While in Islam fasting is between dawn to dusk and the same restriction is commonly applied to all kinds of fasting, Javanese fasting is more varied both in term of period and restriction.
Fasting helps Javanese slow down the pace in their mind, regulate the speed of their ambitious behaviour upon life goals, train themselves to be patient.
There are several kinds of fasting in Javanese culture that are still practiced by relatively many nowadays.
1. Regular fasting This fasting is done only from dawn to dusk like the Islamic fasting. This is a common practice, many Javanese parents use this kind of fasting to train their children about how to manage their immediate excessive desires and concentration in under pressure situation. I remember when we were elementary and high schoolers, we were instructed by parents to do fasting on Monday and Thursday during yearly school testing weeks. Yes, I felt more focused on my study as I had to prioritise tasks to save energy. Brilliant!
2. Mutih Mutih is derived from the word putih (white in Javanese, Indonesian, Malay). During this fasting, a person is restricted to eat other than white rice and fresh water for 24 hours started either at dawn or dusk. Ordinary Javanese can do it for one day, three or seven. Yet more advanced (usually senior) Javanese would extend the period as per commitment.
3. Ngasrep or nganyep Ngasrep is derived from the word asrep that means cool or cold; while nganyep from the word anyep means tasteless. In this kind of fasting the food and drink should be all cool and tasteless. The person is suggested to eat only boiled vegetable without adding taste (salt, sugar, oil, sauces, etc) and drink fresh water. It is mostly done in three days.
3. Ngrowot Ngrowot is a word derived from the word krowot that means Javanese common carbo source except rice. The person who does this fasting will only eat carbo non rice like sweet potato, suwek (konjac), gembili, gembolo (English please….), taro, cassava and other tubers.
4. Ngebleng Ngebleng means staying in; so doing this, a person will do regular fasting but very limited food intake allowed without leaving room or house, not meeting anyone, just doing meditation or doing household chores without distraction from anyone. Someone can do it three and seven days and forty days. Not many are doing this as this is a challenging one: not easy to find a place. This fasting is quite heavy because it does not allow sufficient food intake for a long time.
5. Patigeni(pati: turned off, geni: fire) It literally means “fire turned off”. This is the highest level of Javanese fasting as the restriction applied really tests the person’s very high commitment: s/he is not allowed to eat, drink, sleep including fall asleep and see any light both artificial and natural. How long? The shortest is 24 hours, maximum unlimited. Note: if s/he sleeps or falls asleep, s/he has to restart the fasting.
There are other kinds of fasting in Javanese culture which were done by very limited people and have been left by many due to the impracticality such as pasangidang (from the word kidang or deer) in which a person is only allowed to eat raw foliage like a deer, pasangalong (from the word kalong or bat) only eating ripe fruit from the tree, pasakungkum (bathing up to chin level either in the pool, river or shallow sea) without eating or drinking, etc. There are probably other kinds of fasting as Javanese used to be very creative in “fasting engineering” hahaha….
Javanese believe that with fasting they will connect better to themselves and inevitably with the ultimate power of the universe. They will usually become confident people without showing off. Those fasting committed people —if doing it right and without evil intension— will be a highly spiritual people and voluntarily dedicated to environment and people.
Javanese believe that this type of people bring blessings to the surroundings although blessings are not always tangibly seen. The blessings can be as simple as peaceful daily life with little conflict,
Do we still have many of them? In very silent villages around Java island we might still find a few. They are traditional farmers who feel the need to connect with the ultimate power as only that can help them manage their humble farming that is now severely industrialised and exploited.
Hope we still have them in silence. Amen.
Alfatihah.
“too much” in all kinds: portion, protein, sugar, carb – never mind, it’s good! 🥰 my yesterday’s break fasting
A path to a place Is walked through trees and uphills. A meadow is waiting Opening another path To a warm home filled with love.
—
My friend sent me three photos of our beloved “simbah” (those senior people who are considered wise or those who have grandchildren) – Javanese). Most people call these simbah “batik maker” because they make batik to earn a living. We both call them “batik artist”. More than that through what we’ve seen and heard about them, we’ve considered they are artists of their life. How they embrace their humble life gracefully and consciously has always amazed both of us. They live like calm river flowing to the sea. They don’t struggle against what others think about or do to them. They live as if there is no hindrance and disturbance in life.
When my friend told me some things about those three honourable ladies, I secretly harvested some lessons. It is very critical reminder for me who is still very much attached to a feeling of (accidentally) underestimated and (slightly) humiliated because of one petty case. These three artists of life have silently told me to let go.
What a loud shot in a quiet weekend!
No apology is needed. All is gradually let go through my own wish and willingness. This is my life and I only want to be the artist of my own life. 💝
rike jokanan 
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