Tag: human being

Cracked (ranting)

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person

Don’t crack under pressure. Maybe only “that watch” can do that; while most including human beings definitely crack under certain pressure like ceramics that can even break simply because of some delicate qualities that should crack to let some component of life lessons enter the inner realm of the pressurised persona.

I don’t mind cracking under certain pressure as long as life lessons can smoothly diffuse themselves into the liquid vortex within. Then as gold in kintsugi, they mend what’s cracked leaving golden map showing myself where to find a way of acceptance & letting go.

If I don’t crack, I will always look perfect with no guilt splashed, no criticism slashing, no confrontation exercising, no discussion & argument heated then calming, no accountability assessed. Looking perfect as a being accumulate some layers of avoidance to make mistakes, emotional exhaustion, failure of focused self reflection, forced compatibility even within self, self centernedness. Oh no! I prefer being an imperfect persona in front of many rather than being a looking perfect with so much burden within.

Being imperfect doesn’t mean I’m bad. It just shows me that I’m a human being and it’s fine to look ugly sometimes. As a human being I want to be vulnerable so I can be as playful as possible genuinely; so I can speak my truth with ease in a sweet way; so I can love other human being with no shame; so I can be as imperfect as nature wishes me to be outside my work (hallooow at work I need to be perfectly doing what I’m assigned for sure)!

If only I can directly tell some of human beings I know how perfect you’ve been looking and you need to stop being perfect, I’ll tell you wholeheartedly while assuring that you are free to be you the condition that you agree to heal together with no pretense and that you agree to be true to life.

Dear humans, you’re a ceramics not that watch that won’t crack under pressure. You deserve to be kintsugi decorated with golden map showing love where to flow.

Yes, I love to get answered as an answer is like lacquer reassembling cracked ceramics and yes I give myself answer because I deserve vulnerability, my own vulnerability; truth, my own truth; honesty, my own honesty– with love and respect.

Yes and I’ll let my heart crack again with better understanding and acceptance why it should crack then let life apply kintsugi on me.

Life is just like that…. 💙☺️🌻

this is me, imperfect & vulnerable as I’m kintsugi

☺️

kintsugi in a nutshell

Life Is Just Like That

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person
Life is just like that.
It is round, square, triangle
Seen from three angles.

Life is just like that.
Like what?
Like what I’ve never thought but I can handle it by letting go.
I thank Gusti Allah for making me a human being so I can experience being human who lives as an ordinary person, maybe less than ordinary 🤐

It is everyday lessons come and go. Some challenging, some lighter. Some are leveled up or completed, in fact some are repeated. Repetition of lessons means that a human being fails to accept what is favourable to now here and to let go of what is not favourable for the soiritual journey to achieve clarity about being human. I’m one of this that’s why I learn from all of you. ☺️

As much as I want no repetition of mistakes though I will accept life as it is, still with kindness. Kindness to whom? To myself and to others although being kind to myself might be a delayed kindness to others — it doesn’t matter, it is just about time or perception.

Photo: Yes, I will always be seen half or less than half by those who see themselves partially: either good or evil, not even a sweet arrangement of those two.

Life is just like that. ☺️

To Pray Hilariously

Learning, This Person


to pray hilariously:

please keep these joints well lubricated & creak less,

allow me to afford bright-coloured lipsticks as most around me love smile more than gifts,

grant me clear thinking so I can converse reasonably with both the genius & the idiot,

lend me a bit of fresh kindness so I still look good although I'm not pretty,

let me be silly & have silly friends so I won't look silly alone,

make me wise & rich in silence as it will save some time & energy,

if I forget, please remind me
if you forget, no you won't forget for me.

yours truly,

a human being calling herself me

I Am

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

I'm not a prophet,
Not a saint. I'm a human
Accepting a lane.

if i am allowed to choose, i’d like to be in the lane of flower where colours, shapes and scents are with me

but this ability to smell nice fragrance in life is accompanied by the ability to smell bad odors

and so accepting the lane with its duality and paradox is the only way

Beauty and Majesty

Learning, Poetic, This Person, Those People

Beauty, Majesty
Both in me--
I'm predictable,
I'm throwing surprises,
Both simply reflecting
One whole me.
If you don't want one side,
You won't either get the other.

yin-yang, duality in unity, union in separation, jamal and jalal of asmaul husna, beauty and majesty, masculine and feminine, etc; you name it — it is a perfection in an imperfect human being

what do you expect from a human being but two sides of a coin, beloved?

💗

Start Each Morning (ranting)

Learning, Poetic, Those People

Start each morning, Love
With ready ears to listen,
Heart blessed with shared joy--

DVET Siaran Pagi in TikTok

one sample of rebroadcast that i randomly watched 🌶️

I feel like talking about my excitement that makes my morning brighter. There is a morning show (in Indonesian only) in TikTok labeled DVET Siaran Pagi.

There are two announcers in the morning show. And they have made my days with the show although I mostly watch its rebroadcast through YouTube in the evening; I can listen to them live when commuting or when working from remote and no meeting starts early.

I started listening to this show in early July through YouTube as a random algorithm result (justpopped up like that) while the show has been there since 2023, so I kind of not know what topics have been covered before. Yet it doesn’t matter, I don’t need to flash back to enjoy their hilarious friendly talk.

What topics so attract me?

Any random topic in life. It is just like when radio show was happening (when I was young — gosh!) the announcers talked about anything s/he liked or experienced or breaking news in town/country (sometimes alone, sometimes more than one announcer at the same time) and played some song playlist that was planned or sometimes requested by the listeners.

These two announcers in the DVET Siaran Pagi act like they are video calling and talking about their day like two friends — you can hear laughter, slangs, swearing. Simply like we are eavesdropping on two friends. 😝

Anyway I think they are truly friends in life.

Who are they?

One streamer is Dave Hendrik, a previously radio announcer is now a prominent MC in Indonesia — his name has been one of very few celebs that I adored because of his originality and confidence.

When sexual orientation or identity was still a rare topic to touch, he was already himself — even as a straight I respect his openness as he is not the one forcing others to follow his choice.

I also love how he treats his niece and nephew (at least that’s what I see in his Instagram) actually he’s inspired me to do the same thing to mine — thank you, Dave.

The way Dave expresses himself is sometimes “random” that I have no choice but laughing or exclaiming “what?!” or “huhhh?!” While talking smart he can suddenly produce wrong pronunciation, wrong naming, slip of the tongues and the like. Hilarious!

Wishing Dave a good life for making my days. If I meet him in Jakarta someday, I will give him a bar of Toblerone. ☺️

The other announcer is Iwet Ramadhan. He was also a radio announcer back then; he is now a business leader.

Among his works that I know his batik documentaries in YouTube should have been one biggest contribution to Indonesia culture & that he has a batik-based business to support “mothers working at home” in Jakarta has made him a decent man to respect. I hope he continues the culture-based activities and gets bigger success. 😍

I so much like him 💕 for his intelligence, laughter and a vibe that I can’t explain (maybe maturity and confidence?) — and so he becomes special to me. Not surprising: a male celeb must have many female eyes on him.

There is one song he mentioned (Daur Hidup by Donne Maula) and now it becomes my cooking or gardening soundtrack. Thank you!

Wishing him a good life, too and….

…. If meeting him in person in Singapore someday, I will treat him ice cream as much as he likes in Orchard Road 😂💕

note #1: both of them once were hosts of gossip shows that I didn’t enjoy 🙃 They’ve changed the way they discuss things – quite objective and balanced at least in the show 😁 Salute to you, both!

note #2: I created TikTok account only to watch this show

note #3: in this era human beings do not have to meet in person to support each other; just do something online and here you go!

[only in Bahasa Indonesia]

Learning, life, love, This Person, Those People

Found a dearest good friend wrote a touching message in Instagram this evening and would love to keep it here — only in Bahasa Indonesia though

My translation into English might never be good enough to contain how compassionate her message is. You might want to translate with Google.

Note: it is a verbatim text

❣️

bertahun lalu, ketika berkesempatan mengunjungi ka’bah, aku duduk menatapnya lalu berucap: “tuhan, tunjukkan aku cara membaca (iqra) alquran. karean aku tidak percaya tuhan mana pengasih maha penyayang se-strict itu.” aku mengacu ke penekanan pada dosa dan neraka yang kerap diangkat.

sejak itu—atau sebenarnya jauh sebelumnya, aku percaya tuhan terus menjawab permintaanku: hidupku adalah tanggapan tak putus dari tuhan atas permintaan itu. dia menunjukkan betapa dia maha pengasih, maha penyayang dan nama-nama lain yang terlingkupi oleh rahman dan rahim.

aku dipertemukan dengan manusia dan makhluk lain (kucing misalnya) yang menunjukkan ragam bentuk kasih sayang, diperjalankan melalui peristiwa-peristiwa yang membantu melembutkan hati—atau menunjukkan di bagian mana hatïku masih perlu dilembutkan; dan dititipkan pada sekolah-sekolah yang secara gamblang membimbingku untuk lebih berwelas asih, berserah, dan merayakan hidup dan keagungannya.

manusia sejatinya bisa berjalan sesuai fatwa hatinya; bisa tergerakkan oleh arahan jiwa (spirit)-nya; bisa hidup dengan lebih jujur minimal kepada diri sendiri. utopis? atau bisa jadi pemikiran bahwa hal ini utopis telah membatasi kita?

banyak yang ingin kuceritakan. bukan untuk mengajarkan, karena siapalah aku ini. namun, lebih ke berbagi. siapa tahu ada yang mengetuk hatimu, lalu kau mengetuk hatiku kembali. Sama-sama kita belajar menjadi manusia.

ingin bercerita, tetapi belum tahu bagaimana. kutaruh tulisan ini di sini sebagai langkah awal. atau, mungkin, kau punya cerita, kegelisahan, pertanyaan, atau ide yang bisa melanjutkkan pembicaraan ini?
terima kasih.

❣️

Thank you, dear friend. You’ve touched my heart many times, I hope I’ve at least once done as good as you.

Thanks for making room for me. Always.

Salaam.

Before & After

Learning, life, love, Map It!, Poetic, This Person

Is there anyone
Before
&
After
Me
Leaving
Without permission?

None--

It is a consent that forms
Life,
A period where
You
&
I
Meet at a dot on a ring.

salam, dear shrine where heart and soul escort body to whisper all secrets

Kameyama Shrine

before cleaning – looked like birds loved to bathe and leave some feathers as token of gratitude

after cleaning – no one asked me to clean this, i just felt that i needed to give Japan a small token of gratitude and Kameyama Shrine be the one to receive it

always praying someday I can come back to that shrine. I will tell her that she did give me amazing vibe in my whole visit in Kameyama. Shrines, mosques, temples, churches and other places where human beings whisper their heart and soul out have always been a charm to me.

enso – there’s a dot where two extremes meet and form balance to ensure life flows

Being Human

Learning, Poetic
I thought I am kind
But no,
Dogs are kinder.
I thought I am strong
But no,
Dogs rock my heart.
I thought I am me
But not
Yet.
Dogs know who they are,
They live as dogs
As they are.
I live as what I want to be,
Even
When being inhumane human
Is what gives me benefits.

—-

watched this movie in today’s flight and cried — how dogs’ life is more genuine than mine🙏🏼

Haw! 💝

No Regret

Learning, Poetic
One by one they fall,
Petals decompose to soil,
Fertilising life—

—

when i see more fine lines under my eyes, i feel blessed that i am alive up to this age; i wish to live longer with the same amount of love or even more 💝 there is no regret for all are signs and turns to the home 💝

Prancing in A Tunnel

Learning, life, Poetic
A line of this heart remembers
What’s not even in memories.
Flowing clean river hidden in the sky—
The other line of this heart remembers
Only what’s imprinted through relations.
Murky pool standing around the earth—

Don’t have the right to be missed
With these limited memories.
This sky is hidden by the cloud—
Don’t have the right to be remembered
With absence of relations.
This earth is full of locked doors.

Can only miss what’s not imprinted.
Can only remember what’s hidden.
Still beautiful
Still amazing
Yet hidden
Yet secretive
Circled around between hearts
That read what’s not inky written.

There’s an end
To a dream.
It’s when coming true
Or coming dead.
And that’s the light at the end of a tunnel
Of light
Of wide spectrum
In which we’re prancing.

Choose your colour.

—

you don’t remember me, I do; you don’t see me, I do; you don’t hear me, I do; you don’t smell me, I do; you don’t taste me, I do; you don’t touch me, I do — when you close the door, I stay yet I’m blocked from you 💗

Manusia

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person
Manusia mengembarai langit
Manusia menyusuri cakrawala
Tidak untuk menguasainya
Melainkan untuk menguji dirinya
Apakah dia bertahan menjadi manusia,
Tidak untuk hebat kuasa atau perkasa
Melainkan untuk setia sebagai manusia.

(Emha Ainun Nadjib)

—

Good morning, Surabaya. You did a lot of moulding to this human being. Thank you!!! 💝

thank you 💝 for making me a human being; I won’t give up moulding this self to be loyal to being humane

Good Food

Learning, Poetic
River flows. Wind blows.
Birds perch on a twig and chirp,
Enjoying good food.

—

Life is not really WYSIWYG, there are layers that can be peeled off like peeling off onions layered skins.

What is seen in a river? Its flow. What’s behind the flow?

What is felt in a wind? Its blow. What’s behind the flow?

What’s behind the singing birds? What’s behind good food?

Something looking like nothing yet there are powerful layers of realities that wrap another deeper level of reality. At the end of the peeled-off onion, what is it? The eyes see “none” that can be immediately ignored, the self sees “the essence” that can only be understood through accepting in silence.

What an experience as a human being! Maybe this is a euphoria of being alive, or being aware? This is a good time and I will always feel good no matter what. 💝

Thank you for everything. 💝

good breakfast for a tempe(h) lover 🥰
good snack for a pumpkin lover – run out of honey this time

Clay But Not A Kendi

Learning, life, Poetic
Clay art, Beloved,
Hugged by earth, hardened by sun
Livened by heaven—

—

In Java island clay was commonly used not only to make art work but also as material to make kitchenware, eating utensils, plant pots, etc. Kasongan, Yogyakarta is one of famous villages of clay work industry in which different types of clay art and utensils are mass produced or customised as per buyers’ request.

One clay utensil that I often used in my childhood was kendi, a clay jug used to contain drinking water – it makes drinking water smell subtly earthy and feels cooly fresh. Children would dispense water from the jug to glass to drink; adult would usually just lift the kendi slightly above mouth level and dispense the water directly to their open mouth without touching the tip of the kendi mouth to their mouth — whoa so difficult to explain!

Kendi is not however commonly used as the function is now replaced by plastic containers and refrigerator. It is now mostly used in Javanese traditional ceremony or in some households that still want to keep some traditional way of life. I prepare 5 kendi to compliment the fridge in my Javanese home — 5 kendi are ready before the dining table is ready 😁

kendi – used to contain drinking water at home, outside the gate of Javanese houses (for passers by to drink when thirsty), in the field, almost everywhere

Kendi is actually an acronym (kerata basa in Javanese grammar) of “kendalining diri” (kendalining: control, diri: self) or self control. In Javanese culture kerata basa is used to tie a good teaching to what people is doing. So, practically kendi is not a personal utensil like spoon and fork, anyone can share it. Through the name Javanese know that using kendi, there shall be some self control applied. When someone drinks directly from the clay jug, one should do it carefully to minimise the risk of dropping the kendi and break it; and not greedily gulp all water as other family members or friends also need fresh water in that hot day.

Culturally (at least according to Greek mythology and Quran) human being’s physical is created from clay —like kendi— that is given soul by the Source and so we are breathing. So it is natural that human beings are fundamentally attached to earth. Yet how much ever human beings want to stay as firm, strong, young, beautiful like the clay coming from earth, it is not possible. There is breathing that fans the “fire of life” in the clay body and when it stops “fanning”, the clay body stops functioning.

Can’t live forever, some like to play “forever pretending”. Pretending to be young or beautiful or firm with plastic surgery. Pretending to be happy with some drugs. Pretending to be more precious than others with fake luxury and conspiracy. Pretending this and that.

Ah! That game! That’s fun indeed! Yet it is not doable for me. Being human is not an easy job, pretending makes it even difficult and complicated and unnecessary. So please count me out. 💃🏽

Hey! If some people want to live forever or stay young, firm, strong, beautiful and fully functional; they’d better be a kendi. 😂

Salaam….

we are too clay art work who will someday be bodily back to earth, while some part will “evanesced”, be absorbed back to the source – before the time, I’ll keep this self enhanced to being human in joy and glee humbly and originally 💝

Memories, Scents and Elements

Learning, Poetic
Calm breeze blows her hair,
Pulls memories out of head.
Filling the fresh air—

Water soaks flowers,
Distills their fragrance slowly.
Diffusing the scents—

—————————————————-

Weekend is studying, doing laundry, cleaning home, and listening to things. Cooking? Not today, I’ll skip the healthful food 🦸🏻‍♀️

listen, don’t believe – then I listened to him and didn’t believe ❣️

Woman – ranting

Learning, life, This Person, Those People
Woman is human being
With exactly the same rights as man to be human being.
All her decisions should be respected like man’s decisions should be respected, too.
It is not a privilege to be a woman like it is not a privilege to be a man, too.
It is a privilege to be a woman like it is a privilege to be a man, too.

In some culture woman is discriminated based on different things, but overall the discrimination is simply because she is a woman.
Don’t worry, culture sustains when human being preserves it. So let’s change the discrimination culture by promoting a non-discriminative mindset.

In some culture though woman overdoes her fight of emancipation that makes herself suffer with no gain.

There should be no fighting between man and woman because the existence of both doesn’t generate competition. It is a complimentary and supplementary relationship for one another in different levels or fields of roles and responsibilities that are agreed without discrimination, harassment or abuse just because of being a woman or a man.

Ah! It is good for her to be a woman. And I know it is good for him to be a man.

Stop ranting! Go rest. 😀
thanks for saving me, Beloved❣️
we can adopt a cat, a dog or an underprivileged child! 😁
not less woman by being not a wife or a mother with a child
I never be in this type of changing room but yes, I get it
exotic and uniquely built
oh, I’m not either of them but yes it’s my body and I love it so I take care of it
commitment and integrity
to those underestimating me, thanks for staying away 🥰
not only happy, be joyful❣️

The Present

Learning, love, Poetic
Of being human:
Letting others be human
Although for a while.

If only human being is being human, giving up other predicates just for a while. If they give up the wrong concept of being religious, maybe no one will need to say “I’ll do whatever I want” because everyone respects everybody.

Humanity, Human, humanity.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Present_(2020_film)

Being Neighbours & Banana

Learning, love, Map It!, Poetic
What’s being neighbours?
Readily help and share with;
Willing to be, too—

—

My homebase starts materializing. Yay! It is in Yogyakarta, a small city that is socio-culturally integrated (different ethnic, religion and political groups are well blended), not so crowded and modern (sayonara, Jakarta!), with existing international airport, etc, etc, etc. And one most important thing is good friends are living there.

I always love to be and to have good and reliable neighbour(s). Those good friends will be my neighbours from whom I will get help and support when needed and who are willing to get helps and supports from me. They are not in the same housing complex but still in the same city.

For the past four days my menu has been all about banana. Banana for breakfast. Banana for lunch. Banana for dinner. Banana either cooked or just eaten not cooked. How much ever I felt bored with banana, I had to finish the banana because neighbours confirmed of not liking and wanting banana. Their expressions of “oh that banana?”, “banana hahaha”, “ummm banana but…” left a tiny puncture on my poverty pride. Maybe next time I’ll share gold or cash and see if the puncture moves to another point hahaha…

My “active neighbours” said to me it is not so common to share food with “any neighbours” nowadays. Or, they want to give but they don’t want to accept. Yes, yes, they are so right. I learnt another lesson about this people.

My so called “active neighbours” nowadays are the cleaning services and security guards with whom I can share food and wishes freely. Hey, hey I never share left over, all food is either cooked by me or packed from stores/restaurants purposefully for them. Respect to all my active neighbours. 🙏🏼

When I shared the pictures of those cooked banana in the Instagram and how much I’d love to share the banana (cooked or not cooked) with neighbours, my neighbours-will-be in Yogyakarta gave welcoming comments including they would love to share their cookings too, and that alone has made me confident of moving to that city and hopefully living comfortably there in the (not so near) future.

Sometimes I feel that I don’t belong to this place. Yet I know I have to be here for some time before leaving these things behind and enjoy being a human living side by side with others without other temporary identity; just being me, being human.

I know it will happen, not very soon; but it will happen. Now I am happy with this temporary identity and want to be a good neighbour for anyone who is willing to be my neighbour.

One more thing: I’ll grow banana in the future homebase and cook the best banana recipe and share it with neighbours there! 😂

May all beings be happy.

second day of cooked banana – the first day was banana cake but not so nice to take picture of, I also took my vitamin with un-cooked banana on those two days 😩
third day of banana; aside from this I took my vitamin with un-cooked banana and ate one after the main course at lunch
last batch of banana on fourth day; I also took my vitamin with an un-cooked banana and ate the last one un-cooked and celebrated my freedom from banana! 🤩

Peace Is Within

Learning, love, This Person, Those People


Dive, mine pearls deep down.
True book with golden pages:
Self you’ve forgotten.

Past year without traveling and literally working from home has brought a kind of peaceful mind. Workload is still there but the level of stress is much much lower and that has made me a happier person.

What’s more, a lot of discoveries about self: negative, positive, wound, trauma, anger, disappointment, broken heart, happiness, honesty, fun, comedies, sweetness of my heart; all are blessings in different manifestation. What a period 2020 and 2021 has been! Socially it is a worldwide trial! Personally for me it is a deep wound of ignorance!

Slowly I realise that it is the way Universe teaches me what’s best to be a human being called me. I don’t like people to do one thing to me so I will never do it to others. But I won’t expect others to do what’s best according to me— let the Universe teach them how to do it….

Thanks Universe, you are the best teacher and teaser at the same time! I praise you and scold at you as I wish at the same time! ⚡️

Life is so just. You lose, you gain. It is just about time…. While waiting, befriend with your own self….

Thanks for everything….. 💞

May all beings be happy.

yellow is honesty – honest to self 💫

An Ape, Who?

Poetic
I’m not an ape, dear
Slapping others with gold bars.
I’m a jeweller
Who carves them, puts stones— for you
Who slapped me with your gold bars.

Only human beings have ability to appreciate gifts. Those who do wrong to others with their gifts might be not yet human….

May all beings be happy….

link: https://www.uncommongoods.com/blog/2014/7-didnt-handmade-jewelry/

The Guesthouse – (poem by Rumi)

Learning, Poetic

The Guesthouse

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

This poem was one of those discussed in the Self Discovery course I enrolled in Scotland.

So hard and torturing for my empty head that always craves for intelligence.
So intense for my empty heart that always craves for drama.
So beautiful when we read and contemplated it collectively in the classroom.
So enriching~
Awakening the sleeping giant in the corner of my Soul.

And I was so amazed that part of the poem is recited in one of songs of my favourite band Coldplay entitled “Kaleidoscope”. Enjoy!

Thank you, Rumi for waking me up with your words loaded with divine love.